There were a few things Jane was noticing the more time she spent alive again. The first was that thinking about her resurrection would never, for as long she lived, feel normal. Or rather, for as long she lived this time around. But the second was that her mind was always racing. While she never truly hesitated before acting, it felt like she was tackling every decision with a lengthy weighing of her options. It was as though things slowed and her mind sped up to consider the most tactical solution. Her situational awareness and battlefield strategy were better than ever.

But there's such a thing as being too good. It's unnerving how quick I'm processing everything.

The third thing that Jane noticed was her aim. Firing her gun felt different. The recoil, minimal as it often was on mass accelerator weapons, felt like nothing in her hands and forearms. The gun still moved, but she was able to bring her gun back to center with ease. Which, as the mechs of Freedom's Progress were learning, made her even more lethal on the battlefield. Mind and body, she felt more than just resurrected, but upgraded.

Which is not what the Illusive Man seemed to imply he wanted. Guess taping a corpse back together does have side effects. I can't complain about them too much though.

She slid into cover as a sentry turret began to unload in her direction. As advanced as the turret was, it was still equipped with low-intensity rounds. Lethal, sure, but the durable plating of the colonial pre-fab buildings could take the shots well enough.

Tali's voice sprung up on the comms as she returned fire. Something about Praaza's men moving ahead without them. Miranda's snarky made Jane scowl.

"Quiet, Lawson. Stow the bigoted sarcasm until we're back on the ship," she growled. Sure, Miranda had been right to suspect the quarian marines would break their agreement. She had as well. But it was also understandable. A terrorist organization who blew up a floating city demands you work with them to recover one of your own people? First chance Shepard had to end that alliance safely, she would. Praaza's mistake wasn't betraying them, it was when he chose to do it. "They had every right to distrust us," Jane muttered to herself.

When she had first seen Tali, it had felt surreal. Jane had rushed forward, getting a gun in her face. The girl had certainly upgraded her suit, likely after earning herself a full position on a ship. But the base design, the voice coming from the helmet, Jane had no doubt as soon as they locked eyes.

Then Tali spoke. "Shepard?" she had called, and her voice was more than confusion. There was shock, there was pain, and there was a good deal of disgust. Jane's helmet left her face visible, scars and all. Tali stared at her in a way that made Jane want to die again; like a walking corpse.

Tali had been on edge, but they'd reached an agreement to cooperate, even if Miranda had almost blown it all with an attempt to handwave away the bombing that probably killed far too many of a dying race. Jane suspected the deal really had a lot to do with Tali wanting to see if she really was the real Shepard or... something else.

Unfortunately the answer is looking like both…

She readied her Avenger as she moved into cover from the heavy mech that had been deployed. "Disruptor Ammo on, people. Lawson, overload it the second you get a clear connection. Taylor, get ready to rip off some plating the second it's shield is down," she ordered.

"This is gonna be one tough son of a bitch to take down," Miranda muttered.

Especially with that damn attitude, garce.

Like when she was in battle, everything was still. Everyone around her was stuck in place as her brain tried to decide what to do. In that frozen moment, she could see how terrified and confused Veetor was, even with a suit obscuring his face. They had received valuable intel from the unstable quarian. The Collectors were a myth she only knew as boogeymen, cryptids with only blurry photos to support their existence, stories told to spook colonist kids on the frontier.

But there they were on the cameras, matching human colonists to some horrid fate. But as useful as that was, it was just the tip of the iceberg of what happened. They needed more than that to figure out what to do. Miranda had made a point, that Veetor needed a full, proper interrogation and debrief to make sure they left no stone unturned.

Tali had disagreed, demanding she take Veetor to be looked after by quarian medics and psychologists, with any data on his omni-tool turned over. If he recovered and mentioned anything, she offered to supply it. Jane wanted to trust that Tali would honor that, but she knew the quarian also had superiors who could deny it, and Tali's own pledge had held reluctance. Yet poor Veetor needed to be looked after, and she wouldn't hold her breath that Cerberus would care to call in a quarian specialist.

Her gut was telling her to trust Tali over Cerberus. She had doubts Veetor would know too much, either. Yet her mind disagreed. They couldn't afford to neglect any bits of information that could be gathered, they couldn't afford to play nice with lives at stake, and Cerberus wouldn't jeopardize Shepard's mission by making further enemies of the quarians by hurting Veetor badly.

Can thoughts be loud?

It was a strange thing to ask herself. But she felt those thoughts in her mind, as just that. Loud. Louder than her guilt in refusing Tali, drowning out her feelings of hesitation. She wanted to disagree. However, the soundness of the arguments made her hesitate.

She was speaking before she knew it, hearing her words after they had come from her mouth. "Cerberus will not bring him harm. We need any information he may have, and we cannot trust the quarians to share."

I… Yes, that's true but… I should have said that better.

"Damn it, Shepard! I trusted you. You expect me to believe that?" Tali hissed.

Tali…

Jane tried not to cringe back like a wounded pup at her crewmate's words. There was pain and betrayal in her voice. She wanted to say something, to change her mind, but her mouth just wouldn't open. It was like she was a little kid too nervous to say her lines in the school play. Jacob spoke for her, and Tali walked away.

"I hope that information is worth it, Shepard," she spat as she left the building.

Jane felt a tear hiss as it rolled from her eye into her cybernetics. "أرجوك سامحيني (urjuk samihini)" she whispered, and behind her Miranda frowned.

When the shuttles came, Jane had run up to the team that came for Veetor. She started cursing at them in French, and threatened them repeatedly.

"You had better listen, salopard. Eyes here, connard! Pay attention very close. If anything, and I mean anything happens to that quarian, I will repay it a thousand fold. If he isn't perfectly healthy and on his way to the fleet after a friendly debrief, I'll rip off your couilles and mash them up your trou du cul-"

"Shepard, I-"

"Ferme ta putain de gueule, Miranda! Now am I fucking understood? Tell anyone else who handles Veetor that Commander fucking Shepard considers him a friend and will murder anyone who hurts him. Tell them that verbatim!" She had roared, spittle flying in the face of the terrified technician, who just nodded nervously.

From that point on, the most that could be gotten from Shepard was insults (in French), or bitter musings of her actions (in Arabic). Miranda had even had to resort to calling her Jeanne to get her to snap out of her wrathful meditation to notify her that they needed to get out of the shuttle.

Her own debrief from a quick and horrid affair for the poor woman tasked with it, and the next day on the station, meant for recovery, had seen everyone give her a wide berth. She distracted herself by cleaning her guns and armor, no one willing to remark that they had machinery for that on-board. One of her comrades, her squadmate, her friend had looked at her as a monster. Had distrusted her and one push had come to shove, Jane, with all her thinking and musings, had chosen to prove that distrust right. She didn't want to undo the decision, she wanted not to have needed to made it at all.

She knew full well she was being irrational, and far too emotional. But it had been so much in so little time. Tali had been different too. The little quarian had command now, and knew how to make people obey her when she was questioned. The line she had used, that Praaza was working for her, it had brought a small smile to Jane's face on Freedom's Progress. It was a line from a pre-Shanxi military action film she had watched with several of the crew while on a brief shore leave just before they'd hit Feros. No matter where she got it, Tali had grown, and run right into a ghost who hadn't been around to see that growth.

"Just soldiers… They're your soldiers. You learn them in and out so you can use them well," she told herself as she laid in a cot. "Soldiers first, allies second, friends last." A mantra she had first picked up after Torfan. It was the truth of how she led, and it applied to Tali too. But she'd been alive a few days, surrounded by no one but terrorists who wanted to use her for their own ends, and she just needed someone to be on her side. After a while, however, she felt fine. Not because the pain was gone. No, she simply shoved it deep down to come up later. But she had at least accepted that Tali was no longer her soldier to command, not an ally, and after she had given the order to take Veetor, Jane couldn't say they were friends.

The ping on her omni-tool came on the morning of the second day on the station. A simple message: "The djinn needs to speak to you."

Fuck.

Shepard wasn't even sure which language she thought that in.

"Shepard. Good work on Freedom's Progress," the Illusive Man said, and his gaze made her want to squirm. It was like she was a specimen behind glass, or maybe more accurately a device being demonstrated. Clearly, he was finding himself quite happy with his investment. "Unfortunately that quarian you brought back didn't give us any useful information. He's too far gone. He'll be returned to the Migrant Fleet."

A twitch struck her eye. She hoped it wasn't apparent over hologram. But that simple sentence sent a current of pain and anger. Jane's chest ached, her body felt heavy, and Tali's words rang in her ears. They were deafening, and at the same time they cut into her heart like a heated blade.

"I hope that information is worth it..." And it wasn't. He was too scared, too mentally worn. It was obvious but I just couldn't let it go. Damn it. Damn it damn it! DAMN IT! Nothing useful… Not one fucking thing.

She heard him speak again, and his words caught her attention. "Of course, had you not made the interrogation team so afraid of pushing him, we might have learned more."

It was like a cold splash of water after a long night. Her self-pity ground to a halt, almost as fast as her opinion of Cerberus plummeted further. "So what? Torturing a man driven insane is going to get us more information?"

"I never said torture, Shepard. But the quarian isn't a man, either. We've found that their species has a greater mental resilience than others, as a consequence of living in close proximity while at constant risk of death from a minor mishap." He took a drag of his cigarette, looking smug.

And I bet I know just how you found that out, djinn.

"It's a waste of time," she said more firmly. "I'd rather go investigate another lead or start tracking down the Collectors themselves rather than push a survivor of an attack past the point of insanity. Frankly I'm shocked you'd waste time even considering it." Jane didn't let him get a retort. "Now tell me what you know about the Collectors. We know they're behind this, but what else?"

The Illusive Man tried to hide his scowl. "They periodically travel to the Terminus Systems, looking to gather seemingly unimportant items or specimens. Usually in exchange for their technology. When their transactions are complete, they disappear as quickly as they arrived; back beyond the unmapped Omega 4 Relay. Until now we've had no evidence of direct aggression by the Collectors."

He speaks like he understands those concepts all too well. 'Unimportant specimens?' Unimportant to the Collectors, maybe. But I bet almost all of them were important to someone. Mon Dieu, who have I woken up in bed with?

She hadn't really listened too closely to what the Illusive Man had said next. She just asked a few basic questions, letting him confirm some things she'd either heard from Miranda on the flight back, or things she could guess. But something did stick out.

"And the previous sample sizes were in the dozens, not the tens of thousands," he had said.

Jane almost had to doubletake. One or two specimens at a time, she had assumed. More than that would normally strike some kind of reaction from others. "Dozens at once? How… How is this not widely known? How have no one's friends or family reported anything to the authorities?"

"It's the Terminus, Shepard," the man said bluntly, "There are no authorities. A few slaves disappear, no one keeps track. A small outpost of researchers or mercs vanish, everyone makes assumptions of what went on. Anyone the Collector's pay keep their mouths shut as well, and any vague forms of government keep things quiet, lest it spark a panic." Another drag of his cigarette. "As I said, Shepard, they move periodically. Long enough for people to forget, for people to move on or even pass away before they return to an area. You should know all about that sort of thing, Butcher."

Jane flinched, and it was surely visible. "Don't call me that."

"Hmph. Would you prefer 'the Sword of Mindoir'? That's what they call you, the Mindois. As do many other colonials. It almost sounds Homeric." As smoke left his lips, the glow of his eyes pierced the gray haze.

"We're off-topic," she finally said. She had, however, understood his point. The batarian pirate gangs had raided smaller settlements and independent outposts long before the Alliance cared to really step in. Mindoir was lucky to be reinforced so quickly. Even then, it wasn't until the Skyllian Blitz that any true war against the supposed 'independent' pirates was waged. After Torfan, hundreds of people came to offer her their thanks, for avenging their families years after the fact. People that the government had never really cared about. "How do we even know that these Collector abductions are connected to the Reapers?"

"Their focus shifted to humanity only after you and the human fleet destroyed Sovereign. The abductions are related, even if the Alliance and the Council refuse to believe it. I won't wait until the Reapers are on the march. We need to take the fight to them," he said aggressively.

Lot of frustration there. He must have tried to convince them. It's not shocking that he has the ear of Alliance brass.

Clenching her jaw, she nodded. "You're right," she conceded, "And, inshallah, taking action will allow us to stop them." She ignored a quirk of his brow. Was it really so crazy to invoke the divine, considering what they were up against. "I hate waiting to act. That's half the reason I'm here and not on a stolen shuttle half-way to Arcturus. But I'll need a team. My own team. Even before I was a Spectre, that's how I operated."

Admittedly, I had less of a choice. But it was the ones that synced up with me that survived the longest, and the ones that never transferred out.

The Illusive Man nodded. It was odd how quickly their dynamic could change. One moment she was disgusted by his tactics, and he was critical of her own convictions. The next, she could see that, despite her opinions, they were cut of a similar cloth. "I've already compiled a list of soldiers, scientists, and mercenaries. Many will join the crew, but for the ground teams, you'll receive dossiers on the best of them. Finding them all and convincing them to work with you could be challenging, but you're a natural leader."

Oh please. I got Garrus and Ashley to get along. Kaiden and Liara too, despite their pissing match over me.

"Meanwhile, I'll continue to track the Collectors. When they make their next appearance, I'll notify you and your team."

"And we'll be ready," she replied firmly. But thinking of the Normandy ground team made her think. "Your list is all well and good, but I'll need people I trust as well - the ones who helped me stop Saren and the geth."

The Illusive Man sighed. Already they were back to being critical. "That was two years ago, Commander. Most of them have moved on… Or their allegiances have changed." That comment made her chest hurt again.

Tali… You were always loyal to your people first. That was why you worked with me in the first place. But you came to be loyal to me. And then I came back to you as an abomination and crushed that loyalty into the dirt.

But there are others who could help.

"Where's Kaiden Alenko? Good soldier, not a backstabbing bone in his body," she asked, trying not to let herself sound eager.

"He's still with the Alliance. Promoted, I believe. His file is surprisingly well-classified."

Deservedly so.

She tried not to let the stirrings of her brief romance get her too hung up on Kaiden. He'd join her once he knew she was back, she was certain. For now, it'd be unfair to rip him away now that he'd actually earned some respect. "Alright, Liara T'Soni. She's an expert on the Protheans and other civilizations. She could have insight on the Collectors."

"She's on Illium. My sources say that she's working for the Shadow Broker. If so, she can't be trusted." He said it so bluntly, and seemed unaffected by her obvious look of shock.

Liara? Shadow Broker? No… No that can't be right. She would do a lot for her research but to go to the Broker? But if the Council hasn't been following up on the Reaper threat, then it isn't impossible she would need someone else to back her research. I'm going to have find some way to get her out of whatever mess her naive blue ass got herself into.

"Wrex, then. Urdnot Wrex. Loyal, but also a mercenary you can surely afford."

That got the Illusive Man to actually give a cold chuckle. "I understand that well enough. But he returned to Tuchanka and hasn't gone off world in over a year. He's trying to unite the krogan clans."

Jane should have been disappointed to not have Wrex's destructive powers at her command again. But internally she smirked, and felt a bit of pride.

Guess he didn't give up on the krogan after all. بالتوفيق (bil tawfiq), Wrex. My mission feels a lot less impossible.

She didn't even ask about Tali. That bridge may not have been burned completely, but it was still currently smoking. Far too fresh a conflict to be convinced to abandon all responsibilities to come fly with Shepard and a band of human supremacists. So that only left one.

"Fine. Garrus Vakarian." No justifications needed for him. She half-expected to run into him, investigating the Collectors on his own. Spectres didn't need the Council's permission once given a basic task.

The Illusive Man shook his head, almost amused that she kept pressing. "The turian disappeared a few months after you were declared dead. Even we haven't been able to locate him. Although rumor has it that the trigger for his disappearance was nearly assaulting the turian Councilor."

Shepard's brow furrowed. Garrus had a temper, but that sounded farfetched. And to disappear? Off the face of the Galaxy, so far that even an (alleged) agent of the Shadow Broker was easier to track down? Garrus had clout now, he could probably get a job with C-SEC again, even if he did hate it. No there had to be something else.

A few months is pretty fast for Spectre-training. But Garrus was always exceptional. I bet he aced the tests, got his post, then told the Council to fuck off like I used to. Well good on you, kid. Took the title and then got to work. Wherever you are, Garrus, just stay safe. I bet once Kaiden comes running and I save Liara from whatever going on on Illium, the four of us can go help Wrex save the krogan race, get Tali to forgive me, and then, inshallah, kick the Reapers into the dirt.

Taking a deep breath as she held onto the foolish dream, she nodded. "Alright. I get it. I'll get to work on recruiting from your list."

"Good. Two things before you go: First, head to Omega and find Mordin Solus. He's a brilliant salarian scientist. His dossier is on the top of the list. Our intelligence suggests he may know how to counteract the Collector's paralyzing seeker swarms."

She narrowed her eyes. "I believe when I see it. But it sounds like he can at least figure it out for us eventually. And what else?"

"I found a pilot I think you might like. I hear he's one of the best." A smirk. "Someone you can… trust." With that he ended the call. Shepard heard the door behind her open. And then…

"Hey, Commander. Just like old times, huh?"

She whipped around, and saw, of all people, Jeff Moreau leaning against the door way. Face locked in an expression of shock, she slowly approached as Joker grinned at her.

Then Jane punched him in the face, sending him falling to the ground.

"That's for getting me fucking killed, putain d'abruti!"

[A/N]: It's been a while. I've been working on this slowly, as well as some other fics I've been too ashamed to post because I already have this one on-going and a few other fics on Hiatus... But then I figured I'd say fuck it, get this chapter posted, and then feel less shame about uploading my other fics. Honestly having a few stories to rotate through on writing has been beneficial for my creative process. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It contains a very important hint about things to come. I wonder if any of you readers can guess it...