Chapter 6

WARNING- THIS STORY CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS SELF HARM AND ABUSE, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS MAY UPSET OR TRIGGER YOU IN AN WAY

I have suffered with self harming before not long ago, and please if you or any of your friends/family are going through it, get help and just remember it DOES get better and you're not alone. I'm always here if you need any help I'll understand xx

Disclaimer- I do not own 'Twilight' or any of the other books written by Stephanie Meyer. All characters mentioned in this fanfic belong to the wonderful author and not me (although I wish Jacob aka Taylor Lautner belonged to me )

This story is set in New Moon, just after Edward left Bella and she is depressed and lonely.

Btw, there is a part of this chapter that is written from Edward's POV for you obsessed Team Edward Lovers out there who need to get better taste! (joking but I'm totally Team Jacob so I get soo annoyed when my friends talk about how good looking Edward is because Jacob is totally my man lol)

Edward's POV

I missed Bella so much, I knew I had no one to blame but myself, after all I was the one who had left her in the first place, but I was only trying to protect her. I loved Bella with my whole heart, and I didn't want to always be putting her in danger just by being with her. But after all, I was a vampire who couldn't be trusted, yes me and my family were vegetarians and only ate animals, but every vampire can get out of control sometimes. If I or any other Cullen were to be out of control and end up hurting Bella…. I would never forgive myself.

Still, my heart ached whenever I thought about her and I would always picture her beautiful face with her gooey chocolate brown eyes and her long, wavy brunette hair which cascaded down her back like a waterfall, in my head. I knew that leaving was the right thing to do, and would hopefully keep her safe, but it killed me to say goodbye to her, and leave her so vulnerable in that forest.

I was haunted by the heart-broken expression she'd had on her face when I told her I 'didn't want her anymore'. It hurt me to watch her actually believe what I'd said, I'd thought she'd know I was blatantly lying as I was always telling her how much I loved her and how she meant the world to me, yet all of a sudden I tell her I don't want her anymore and that I'm moving away permanently and she doesn't suspect a thing?

The whole incident with Jasper back at Bella's birthday party last year had made me realise just how dangerous us vampires were to her, and how she could easily be seriously hurt by us. Watching her sit there on the floor, blood and glass all over her arm and the terrified look she gave Jasper made me come to my decision.

When I had discussed it with Carslisle and the rest of my family, they had been reluctant to leave Bella at first as they all had gotten to know and love her almost as much as I did. But, they, just like me, they knew we were putting her in danger and at risk of injury so they agreed to move away.

I had been given the hardest job though, having to stay in Forks on my own and breaking the news to Bella, I think she must have caught on that something was wrong, because she kept giving me worried fearful glances but I had ignored them.

When I had asked Bella to come for a walk with me in the forest, she had realised that this was when I'd tell her what was going on and her face had paled instantly. I had led her not far from the path in the forest, not wanting her to get lost when I wasn't there, and I had revealed to her that we were moving.

When Bella had asked when and how she'd tell Charlie though, I'd realised straight away that she thought she was coming with us, and I felt so bad I almost forgot what I was going to say and stay there in Forks with her but I stuck with what was right, even though I knew it would hurt the both of us to be away from each other.

When I had told her that she wasn't coming with us and that were leaving without her, her face dropped and she looked like her world had ended. She had asked me why and I had lied straight to her face and told her I didn't want anymore, even though it hurt me to say it, it had stopped her asking questions and she had just stood there, watching me leave.

I was so confused and upset in those few months after I'd left her, I felt so alone and like my heart had broken into splintered little pieces. I knew that was stupid though as vampires weren't supposed to have emotions, but the intense love I felt for Bella was like nothing I had ever experienced before and was very strong.

Alice had seen that Jacob kid with Bella a few times in her vision, and even though I wanted her to move on away from me, I felt instant jealousy. I wanted to go back to Forks and show that idiot that Bella was still mine, Alice and Carslisle had to stop me though before I did anything I'd regret.

Alice hadn't had another vision with Bella in since though, and I had grown extremely worried if she was ok, even when Alice had purposely focused on Bella, she still couldn't see anything. That was weird and had got me scared but she had reassured me that it wasn't that unusual and that maybe Bella was at a too far distance away to see her in a vision.

I had accepted her explanation, and tried not to worry about Bella too much but I couldn't help it. The only reason I had ever left Forks and Bella was so she would be safe without me, and if she wasn't safe, she wouldn't have me to protect her anymore.

I just hoped to God that she was fine, and had gotten over me and moved on with her life, even though I hadn't..

Bella's POV

I had gotten home from Jacob's house and was making my way upstairs when Charlie had noticed me, and headed in my direction.

"Where have you been, you stupid bitch?" he demands, angrily.

"Just to Jacob's house" I stutter.

"You haven't told him about anything, have you?"

"No of course not" I lie, nervously.

"Good, at least you're good for one thing, you slut" Charlie slurs, obviously having drank again.

"I'm not a slut" I retort indignantly before realising what I'd done.

I cover my mouth, instantly regretting having answered him. I was such an idiot, I'd just answered Charlie back whilst he was drunk and angry, that was definitely not the smartest thing to do! My heart thuds loudly in my chest, my eyes full of fear.

"What did you say to me?" he yells.

"No-nothing" I mumble.

"Yes, you did say something you catty, ungrateful little slag!"

Charlie's fist connects with my eye, and I clutch it painfully. He then unhooks his belt from his jeans and hits me over the face with it repeatedly. I feel the burning sensation it leaves, and my hand covers my cheek reflectively, protecting it. He leans in closely to me, his breath reeking of stale alcohol from the night before and today.

"Just remember.. don't ever talk to me in that way again" he whispers dangerously, before walking away calmly.

I go to the bathroom, helpless tears falling down my face, and drying halfway down my cheeks. I look in the mirror hesitantly, and immediately notice the red welts on my face from the belt, and a swollen red puffy eye from where Charlie had punched me.

'Oh, great' I think. That will definitely turn into a black eye by tomorrow, the bruising will have come to the surface.

I glance at my reflection in disgust, hating myself. I was so weak, crying like this when it was all my fault in the first place, maybe if I'd just keep quiet and be a good girl, then Charlie wouldn't feel the need to hurt me. I was pathetic, just letting my dad beat me like this again and again, crying each time like it was something new.

'Stop crying, crying won't help you get out of this mess' I think to myself, drying my fresh tears with my hoodie sleeve.

As the sleeve rolls up, I notice the puckered, red scars snaking up my wrist and arms and I look at them sadly. I feel so down and so hateful of myself, that I feel the urge to do it again. Instead of using my razor like I normally do, I reach for my silver blade that I keep in the bathroom cupboard, hidden away. I had been too scared to use it before, knowing that it did a lot more damage than the blunt razor, but there's something about the way that the silver edge of the blade glints in the sunlight and it draws me in.

I turn it over, finding the sharpest edge of the blade and run it down my wrist, watching as the blood oozes from the vein and drips down my arm, leaving a wet, red trail behind it. Mesmerized by the sight of my blood, one cut isn't enough. I drag the blade down my wrists again and again, as more and more blood appears and splatters all over the floor. I carry on though, not aware of what's going on around me, the blade knows how to make the pain and sadness I've bene feeling go away, and that's the only thing I care about.

When I finally pull away and put the razor down, about to clean up the blood as usual, I notice that I have bled a lot more than I ever have done before. There is multiple slashes on my wrist and they seem to go down quite deep, blood constantly leaking out of my arm no matter how hard I try to make it stop. I press tissues down on the wound, in an attempt to stop the blood flow but the blood just comes pouring through it, making the tissue turn bright red, drenched in my sticky blood.

I start to panic, at a loss of what to do. I sit there helplessly, watching as my blood continues to pour out of my veins and drip everywhere. After a few minutes, the room starts to spin and everything is blurry and out of focus. I blink to try and make it clear again, but it stays how it is. I get a swimming feeling in my head, and I begin to feel extremely dizzy. Everything goes black and I pass out on the bathroom floor, banging my head on the tiles as I fall.

Ok, so I really enjoy writing this story and I've only ever written 4 chapters before and then I lose interest and can't be bothered to carry it on lol.. so I'm sorry if you've read any of my other stories and was interested but then they all ended before I'd finished them. Anyway, please review it means a lot to me even if you are just correcting my spelling mistakes.. I did proof read this and corrected all the mistakes I found but if there is anymore, then feel free to correct me if you want, but please no hate x

P.S . Sorry I left you guys on a cliffhanger hehe!