With the benefit of hindsight, Esca was convinced that, if he had made a mistake in the early days of their exploration of the lands north of the wall, it was that he had been too cocky.

To be fair, it was an easy mistake to make, with Marcus appearing to believe what Esca was feeding him, while, in reality, he was enjoying the simple pleasure of speaking a language similar to his own with all the people they encountered.

It was just like the pleasure one feels after scratching an itch that had been a pain in the backside for a while. A simple pleasure that, if he could have taken the liberty to do it, would have made Esca smile.

He didn't ask them about the Eagle or the lost legion but about all sorts of stuff: how they were fairing, how life was up there, and if they were having a lot of troubles with the men in the forts along the walls.

They said that well, life continued as it had always been up there, wall or no wall, and that, after what had happened to the legion that disappeared twenty years prior, the Romans were mostly letting them be.

'You are the son of Cunoval' an old man said to him one day, appearing out of his roundhouse when the rain had stopped.

Esca felt his eyes burning.

He hadn't expected the memory of his father to still be alive in places other than his mind.

'That man died a long time ago' he replied, trying to swallow down his heart full of emotions before going back to the Roman.

But yes, that cockiness led him to lower his guard. He didn't notice the signs in Marcus, how Marcus was studying him now, how he was even trying to tune in on the words that were spoken.

And, ultimately, that cockiness led to the failure of his plan, when Marcus pushed a young man against a tree shouting:

'Enough'.

He didn't want to. He really hated himself for asking the young man for the actual information Marcus was chasing so ardently.

He hated himself even more when saw the spark of joy in Marcus' eyes when the young man gave them a clue: another man with information.

But the journey to this man was not going to be easy. The path through the mountains was a perilous one.

And yet Marcus didn't hesitate.

For as much as Esca hated himself for even thinking that, he found himself admiring the blind strength and faith Marcus was showing.

But strength of spirit and faith are not much use to cross a mountain path and even Marcus had to see reason when it was clearly too dark and difficult to continue that night, and stupid, when they had just found a little, animal free alcove where they could rest for the night before continuing.

They ate in silence a little of the supplies they still had.

And, once again, Marcus was the one to break the silence between them.

'Why haven't you killed me?'

'Have you gone insane? Why are you even asking me this?' Esca replied immediately, surprising himself even more than Marcus.

Marcus, sitting across the fire from him, had his serious soldier face on.

'I have seen you fight. Like my uncle said, you could have very easily slit my throat and joined these people'

He finally lifted his eyes to Esca to say:

'You could have been free. So, I ask you again, why haven't you killed me?'

'I told you. I am honour bound to you' he said, hoping that it would be the end of it.

But Esca knew that Romans were stubborn. And Marcus was the most stubborn of the lot.

'Nobody would know' he said, shaking his head.

'You could have very well gone against that debt and'

'I would know' Esca interrupted him. His grip on his own knees increased to the point his knuckles would look white, if he could see them under the layers of clothing.

How could Marcus even ask him that? Wasn't he the man hell bound to restore his father's honour? How could he not understand that Esca would not be able to live with himself knowing that he had gone against everything his parents had instilled into him?

Everything he held most dear.

How could he think he could just kill Marcus, the only person who had been kind to him in years, and just go on to chase a life that didn't exist anymore?

Because you are a Barbarian, and Marcus is confused by you not behaving as a Barbarian, he thought, already feeling the familiar anger stirring in him.

He should say something, he should shout at Marcus that his world view was so small, so stupid and closed off.

But his voice died in his chest when he saw that Marcus was keeping on looking at him, with the intensity he had seen in those green eyes when they had first crossed the wall and Marcus was studying the land around him.

Always studying. Always absorbing the world.
Was he ever going to meet him halfway?

Will you ever see me as more than an enemy?

Esca tried to make himself smaller under his layers of clothing.

Stop looking at him, was his first thought, embarrassment for a moment taking hold of his heart.

But only for a moment because soon the obvious question came to his mind.

If Marcus thought Esca could just kill him and move on with his life, well, then why did he save a Barbarian like him from the death he was seeking in the arena?

'Why did you save me in the arena?' he said, in a whisper barely audible against the background of noises from the outside.

The mountain was feeling as stormy as he was.

'I told you, I didn't mean anything by it' Marcus replied, lifting his shoulders as he looked away from Esca.

Pretending it had been nothing more than an impulse, something unimportant, like he had done the first time they spoke.

And yet, when Esca saw him diverting his gaze so that he was staring once again at the fire, he was certain that there was something else.

The man was not as subtle as he thought he was.

'I don't believe you' Esca spit out, with as much venom as he could.

He deserved an answer now.

'Marcus, tell me'

'No'

'Why didn't you let me die as I wanted to?' he shouted.

Marcus stood up abruptly.

Esca smiled proudly at that. The same anger burning in him was shining in Marcus' firelit face.

'What do you want me to say Esca? Do you want to know that the moment I saw you throwing away your sword and shield I thought there was more honour in you than in all those people gathered there to gawk at the gladiators killing each other? Do you want me to tell you that I saw myself in you, scared of the pain but still throwing my body at the mercy of the gods because that was the honourable thing to do? And I didn't understand it, how could a man of the people who fought against Rome be like that?'

Marcus paused. His chest was heaving, his face was flashed. And he was staring at Esca like he was the last man on the face of the planet.

Esca maintained eye contact.

'Do you understand now?' he said, trying to challenge Marcus as much as possible.

Hit me.

Talk to me.

Marcus took one more deep breath.

'Not yet' he said, still looking at him.

Still staring at Esca's lips.

'You are infuriating Esca' he whispered, before finally sitting back down again.

Esca laughed.

'It's not funny'

'Oh, it is. You are just as infuriating' Esca replied.

He didn't add how Marcus was driving him insane. He hated him, yes, for what he was, for his strange values. For what he had done to that child.

And yet, Esca was still drawn to him.

Marcus seemed to relax a little.

But the blush on his face was still there.

'It's late, we need to rest. I will take the first watch' Esca said.

For once Marcus didn't argue back, as they huddled together to try to keep warm.

Stupid, infuriating Marcus.