A/N
Thanks again to everyone who is reading, following and reviewing this little story. You guys are wonderful.
Just a little heads up:
This is a "New Moon" AU. This story is fanfiction from my imagination and is not going to go along with the original Saga storyline. There's events that happen in this fic that didn't happen in canon.
The characters' personalities won't always seem canon throughout the story, just as we saw in the last chapter with the break up scene. That's because I am a fanfiction author and portray the characters to my liking, to fit each particular scene. Though, for the most part I try to keep them canon.
Now let's see how Edward is doing...
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Chapter 5: Misery Loves Company
"He Shoots!" Emmett's voice echoes throughout the garage. The basketball he tossed swishes through the air. "He scores!" He shouts again as the ball falls into the net that's on the other side of the room. Lights and sounds from the game break the silence.
"Nice one, man." Jasper compliments, tossing him the ball as he holds himself aloof to my glum mood.
Still laying on the concrete floor in my fetal position with my eyes close, while wrapped up in a soft blanket with a pillow underneath my head. I groan as a gentle hand rubs my shoulder.
I don't have to open my eyes to know that Emmett is sitting on the dryer above me and that Jasper is standing next to our basketball arcade style game, passing Emmett the ball every time he shoots it. Or that my sister sits beside me with her hand on my shoulder, while my other sister is upstairs looking for something, while our mother folds clothes in the living room, nervously awaiting for my father to come home. These are just things I know. Thanks to my extra hearing, I know everyone's whereabouts as well as their thoughts.
Jasper and Emmett begin talking as the ball is continuously passed between them along with the sound of the loud basketball game, brightening up the sounds of the room. But I'm not paying attention to the conversation between them. I know they are trying to keep up some type of normalcy, though I'd rather have it quiet.
The only sounds that I would like to listen to are the natural sounds that are around me: the bubbles rising in the hot water tank, clothes swishing in the washer, sheets tumbling in the dryer. Those were the sounds that I was listening to while I was alone before my siblings started arriving one by one after my mother decided to call everyone.
Alice, who had been in her fashion designer class had a horrific vision of what is to become of me. She called Esme, informing her how serious I am, before our mother was able to call her. Then everyone else was informed of my master plan to go to Italy.
When I had slipped, giving away my plan to disappear once and for all. Esme feared she wouldn't be able to stop me if I should try and leave the house. That's why she called reinforcements. Carlisle was the first to be called upon, but Emmett was the first to arrive. He ran all the way over here from the College campus, skipping out on his Art of Walking class. I don't even have the energy to make sense of why that's even a college course.
My thoughts began to drift out of the garage, away from my brothers' juvenile activity and battering. To the girl I left behind. I hate to think that she'll settle down in a few years, marry and start a family while I'll always be stuck in limbo - forever caught between a boy and man- just as my siblings are and will always be.
The sounds of the dryer comes to an end as I wish that I could go somewhere where no one knows her name. I wish that I could call her and forget her all at once. I wish I didn't want her, but the truth is I do and I'm not okay. I long for obliteration, but I know that is not possible as long as my siblings are here. My brothers would stop me if I attempted to leave and board a plane.
My mind and body ache. There's no escaping this hell among the living.
The heat from the dryer is no longer surrounding me since it's not on. I'm freezing, an internal cold shoots through my body, it feels so awkward. There are no words to describe such a feeling. Shivering, I whimper in discomfort. I want the hurt to leave.
Gentle arms wrap around me and I get the faint smell of oil and grease. That smell is rather comforting.
"Eddie, are you cold?" Rosalie questions, pulling the blanket up to my chin. 'It's so sad to see him this way.' She rubs my arm.
It's strange to hear her call me Eddie, instead of "idiot", which I have strangely grown so used to. It's also odd to hear her speak to me in a very soft and gentle tone.
"Yes." I mubble, barely making a sound.
The sound of the basketball soaring through the air as Emmett cheers is heard throughout the garage. Too busy playing, he's not paying attention to that notice the dryer has stopped.
"Hey, Babe," Rosalie calls to Emmett. "Turn the dryer back on please. He's cold."
"Sure thing, Angel." Emmett says, pressing the button on the dryer. At the same time Jasper walks away from his position next to the basketball hoop. "Hey man, were you going?"
"To go find where Alice disappeared off to." Jasper annonces as he opens the door and walks into the house.
Half of what Jasper said was true. He does want to go see where Alice is because she was supposed to come back in the garage, twenty minutes ago. The other half of what he didn't say, is that he can only be around me for a little burst of time without my mood affecting him too harshly.
The door leading to the house closes. Now it's only Emmett, Rosalie and I.
With Jasper out of the garage/game room Emmett is momentarily through with playing basketball. He jumps off the dryer. In one fluid move he's on the floor, sitting on the other side of me.
Warmth from the dryer envelopes me as I silently lay between the siblings that have existed with me the longest.
All my siblings love me, I know that. Though, from my mind's eye I see the evidence - the caring and protectiveness these two have for me. The bond that ties us together is fierce and strong, unbreakable. A force of nature to be reckoned with, that won't let me carry out my plan of suicide.
Emmett and Rosalie begin to talk, trying to include me in their conversation. But I'm too upset and distressed to concentrate on what's being said. I lay, unmoving, with my head on the pillow. Rosalie's hand countries to rub my shoulder, desperately wanting to comfort me but not really knowing how.
Their idle conversation goes on with stories of our past. But they don't understand, I'm not listening to stories of old. I hurt too bad under the surface, like troubled water running cold, to focus on anything but my pain. Nobody understands that my wound will not heal.
I feel worthless and I know I'm better off not not existing at all. Why can't my family accept that?
Not wanting to hear happy stories from a time where I didn't know how the power of love from an extraordinary human girl, could affect me in unimaginable ways. I begin to focus on the sounds from inside the house.
From inside the house I hear the dull hum of the fridge, the low lull of the TV. Footsteps that belong to Alice and Jasper that are up in the attic, what they're looking for, I do not know. There's also the soft footfalls of my worried mother whose pacing around the couches.
The front door opens and gently closes. My father steps inside the house, he and my mother greet each other in their usual way, with a hug and a kiss.
Their physical voices are a mixture of clam and worry. Only I am able to hear their disturbance and agonize mental voices that swirl around my head, attacking my brain like a shark to its prey. Everybody's worried about me. Can't they just let me be?
My mother is glad that my father is home even if she feels bad that the timing is off. Though I honestly am not sure what time it actually is. One thing I know that is for sure, is that it's way too early for Carlisle to be home from the hospital. He, like everybody else, came home as quick as he could.
"I'm sorry for dragging you away from your meeting." Esme's voice is close to sob. Her thoughts are so frantic, they no longer make sense. "I...I just didn't know what else to do."
"Shh… Shh... It's okay, sweetheart. Calling me was the right thing to do." Carlisle reassures her. From my mind's eye I can see he has his arms wrapped around her. "Could you please tell me what happened? I didn't quite understand when you explained it over the phone." Though his voice is calm it's tanged with worry and guilt.
"It's worse, Carlisle. He's worse." Esme sadly explains. Her thoughts are on me. How unwell I appear to be.
'How can he be worse?' Carlisle thinks back to this morning, when he checked on me before leaving for his shift. I had looked like a lump of coal laying on the floor in my room. He can't picture anything worse than that. "Worse how? What happened?"
Esme exhales. "He's not coping, Carlisle. He refuses to hunt. The only thing he wants to do is lay around in warm places. It's not normal and now he wants to end his life. It's so sad." She fights back a sob. "I hate to say this, but I think it was a mistake to give into his wish. We should not have moved."
Through my mind's eye I tune into the most familiar mind which is my father's. I see it all. The sad look on my mother's face, with the worry lines between her brow. Not wanting to see her fear, he takes her in his arms and is holding on to her. He remains silent, drinking in her every word.
"I don't know what to do. I tried everything. I'm scared we're going to lose him." My mother's words are painful. 'I can't lose another child.'
Images flash from her mind. All of the last five decades of her and I and the bond we share.
Chatter swirls around me. The sound breaks me out of the thoughts that belong to my mother, bringing me back to the garage with my brother and sister.
Where I am listening to my parent's conversation, Emmett and Rosaline are not. They are still occupied in their own dialogue that they are hoping I'm listening to. But I am not.
"It is sorrowful that Edward is in such a depressed state. With time he'll pull through." My father sighs. 'Hopefully he is able to come out of it soon. It's very heartbreaking to see him like this.'
"Oh, Carlisle." Esme sobs, ending their hug. "You're just not understanding the severity of this. I'm home all day with him. I see that this is not only teenage anguish caused by a little heartache that he is going to get over with time."
"Now dear," Carlisle begins, his voice soft and gentle. "I understand heart-rending but-"
"He wants to end his life!" Esme cuts him off. "Do you understand that? He has an elaborate plan. And you do not seem to fully grasp that!" She sucks in a sharp breath.
My mothers voice is so sad with a sharp edge to it, my eyes fly open that the sound. I'm not the only one that the sound of her voice has an effect on, Emmett and Rosalie immediately stop talking. The three of us are now on the floor as still as statues.
"No need to worry." Carlisle says calmly. "It's all talk. He'll never go forth with such plans." His thoughts match his words. He really doesn't think I'm serious.
"Oh my God, Carlisle! How can you be so oblivious?" Esme's voice is far from calm.
"I'm not being oblivious." Carlisle sighs. "I know our son. He would never -"
"I know him too." She cuts him off. Her voice is stronger, the mama bear in her is coming out. "When will you realize that Edward is in fact quite serious? You should have seen him when he spoke of his plan and became very animated. It's the most he spoke since their breakup. But the way he talked, it was frightening. He didn't even realize he was speaking. His behavior is concerning if only you could see that."
There's a small part of my brain that feels I should be ashamed for voicing my plans out loud. But I don't. It doesn't really matter. Even though worrying my parents is not ideal and certainly not my goal. Now they know, as well as my siblings, that I soon won't be with them.
The spinning of the washer comes to an end as I hear and try to tune out my parents' voices. They're trying to figure out how to help me but cannot come to a solution. Why can't they just see it's a lost cause? For, the girl with the silent mind told me with anger in her voice that she hated me when I told her she was no good for me.
Pain stabs at my deadheart as my sister rubs a loving hand on my arm. Hurt and regret swirl around in my brain like an out-of-control vortex on an unstoppable path to destruction. I close my eyes and ball up my fist. I desperately want the voices in my head from the past to shut up. I want the hurt to end. I hate this. I hate everything.
Trying not to get lost in my own thoughts I listen to my parents. I catch the end of their conversation. Esme suggests something about me and hunting that Carlisle responds to, but what he said does not sit well with my mother. It doesn't take long before they are caught up in an argument. An argument about me.
"Shit. Their fighting." Emmett's voice is a whisper, breaking the quiet between the three of us.
"Well, yeah." Rosalie's tone adds the of course. 'Is it any wonder? Carlisle always has a blind spot when it comes to Edward. It's terrible.'
I let out a groan. I wish I could turn my talent off for a few hours, or days. So I wouldn't have to hear anyone's idle thoughts.
Our parents' voices carry on. They are still locked in a heated dissension about getting me to go hunting. Apparently, Esme seems to think that I should be made to hunt for my own good. While Carlisle doesn't believe I should be forced. He shouts that it's not the gentlemanly thing to do.
'If he won't force him out the door to hunt. Because it's not "gentlemanly," I'll do it myself.' Emmett thinks to himself. 'I can carry him no problem. Kid's got to eat soon.' A mental image of him carrying me while I'm wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito, accompanies his thoughts.
He snorts. Images dance in his mind of how comical the two of us would look and the jokes he could make to lighten the dark mood. If I'm wrapped in his arms like a burrito. His thoughts continue on. He seems to like that though just a little too much.
Irritated by my brother's strange mental visual, I scowl at the floor. If he even dares to pick me up, just to make strange burrito jokes, I'll fight him. I'm not going anywhere. I think about punching Emmett in the face if he so much as tries to wrap the blanket tightly around me, while I try to block out the thoughts of my family.
Tension as thick as a cloud of smoke from a burning building swirling around the living room and makes its way throughout the house, as my parents' voices become louder. The phrases that are being thrown around between them and bounced off the walls, are that she's overreacting and he's not reacting enough. They are not solving anything with their disagreement.
Their quarrel continues.
I have no idea how it's possible but with every word that's spat between my parents my body becomes more rigid. The pain inside me grows and hurts like hell. Rosalie senses my discomfort and wrapps me in a hug while Emmett puts a comforting hand on both her and I. Squabbles between our parents are few and far between, so much so that it's unsettling when it happens.
I know what my mother is trying to do. She's trying to rescue me. To get our whole family on board to save me from my own sorrow. But in her attempt that she had no backup plan for, she got lost in the fire of misery and was dragged along with me. Now, she and my father are loudly keeping up their difference of opinion.
Suddenly I catch the thoughts of Alice and Jasper. I can now tell that they are in the living room with our parents. Where there was once a thick cloud of tension lingering in the air. Now a soothing wave of tranquility envelopes the house. The argument soon comes to an end and so does the stress that Emmett, Rosalie and I were feeling.
"All this fighting is helping no one." Alice begins in a shaky voice as our parents fall silent. 'This is just making it all worse.'
"She's right." Jasper agrees, keeping up a double dose of calm, that is actually making me feel peaceful but unfortunately, does not take my pain away. "Both of your hearts are in the right place. But Edward is very serious about going to Italy." His voice is low and grim. "And with what Alice see's coming, if that happens, it won't just end in his suicide. It's much more complicated than that. Our whole family gets torn apart."
"Son, what do you mean?" Carlisle takes in a deep breath, fearing for the worst.
"Sweetie," Esme says to Alice. "What did you see?"
Before my parents speak another word Alice goes into grave detail as I see it all from her mind of what Jasper means. If I go seeking to end my life by the hands of the Volturi. Aro, who has a talent similar to mine will see my memories and become aware that I have a pair of talented siblings, one that has the gift of foresight and the other one who can manipulate emotions as well as cover anyone in his camouflage haze that he's able to create. After ending my existence Aro will have his tracker capture Alice and Jasper, to add them to his talented collection of vampires. Destroying any of our family members that dare to stop them. In the end, Alice and Jasper are caught. They'll be trapped forever, unable to leave.
"NOOO!" I shout as Alice continues explaining what else she has "seen" happen.
All I want is to end my torment. Not create suffering for my siblings and the rest of my family.
Emmett and Rosalie are at a loss for words. Both of them are stunned into silence at our sister's petrifying vision.
From the living room Carlisle and Esme are listening in horror. A problem - my problem - that my father thought was relatively small, he now realizes just how colossal it is and how it will have greater consequences for everyone if he doesn't take action.
"Now you see, Carlisle? We must do something. We can't just let Edward be. The longer time goes on, the more he hurts." Alice says. Having already "seen" our father's response, her voice is hopeful.
"Leaving him like this is doing more harm than good." Jasper adds. Without using his gift, he's hoping Carlisle will be convinced to help get me out of my funk.
I hear my parents' makeup. My father apologizes to my mother and vice versa for their little spat. At the same time Emmett gets up, leaving Rosalie and I alone. Without him having to say so, I know the idea he's going to go pitch to Carlisle.
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Thanks for reading.
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