CHAPTER 6: Chicken Soup from the Soul
Mini-tremors rock the abandoned factory as Chad runs inside. It vibrates slightly but remains stable, having been made by the same person who created the construction site in the previous chapter.
As he moves through the factory, the bird begins apologizing to him. It tells him that it was reason for all of his injuries and the monster chasing him now and that things would only get worse as time went on.
Chad thinks this is ridiculous. What's more likely: that a cadre of evil seals want to control the world's fish supply and are orchestrating the deaths of anyone in their way, or that a parakeet is bad luck?
The bird continues on, insisting that Chad should abandon him and Chad sets the cage down, sitting next to it. He's about to launch into a lecture about how he spent the last of his money on this bird and that he was going to get his money's worth, but hears a roar from somewhere above before he can begin which suits him just fine since he isn't much of a lecturer anyway.
Grabbing the cage, he rolls to the side to avoid an attack and makes a break for a nearby window. He dives through, breaking the glass and takes off down the street.
Karakura Town: Graveyard Number 9
Ichigo continues concentrating and following the noise. At first he thinks he might be getting better at this because the noise becomes much clearer as he proceeds down the street. It isn't until it begins getting louder at an alarming rate that he realizes what's actually going on.
"Get down!" Ichigo says, grabbing Rukia and rolling to the side as Chad comes barreling past, each step rupturing the sidewalk he runs on. Not far behind him a Hollow pursues, periodically dive-bombing him. As it lands on the spot next to Ichigo the cracked pavement gives way, creating a sinkhole that it falls into, the broken chunks of sidewalk burying it.
Fortunately the construction budget for Chad-related damage was increased at the last Town Hall and the repair crews are very experienced, so the hole will be patched up tomorrow. This is excellent for anyone concerned about public safety, but even better for me because it means I don't have to remember all the damage to maintain narrative consistency.
"Alright, Rukia," Ichigo says, bracing himself for a fight, "Get your Gohan Tekken and-"
"Isn't that your sister?" Rukia asks, pointing into the graveyard, "What's she doing here?"
"Huh?" Ichigo follows Rukia's gesture and sees Karin kneeling in the dirt.
He spends several seconds looking between the Hollow rapidly freeing itself and his sister, having trouble deciding which to prioritize.
"Go get her," Rukia says, "I'll keep the Hollow busy."
Ichigo moves to comply, rushing toward Karin and scooping her up in a fireman's carry. Ignoring her protest about not being done with something, he takes off running toward his house.
Rukia sees Ichigo safely away then takes a running leap at the Hollow and handsprings off it's back, splaying her palm out toward it.
"Sokatsui!" she yells.
Karakura Streets
As Chad runs, he thinks back on his past, his family, and their disappearance after he told them about overhearing the seals' plans. He's still not very talkative though, so his inner monologue ends before you get to see any of it.
He slows to a stop as a major realization hits him, along with a small mini-coupe. It's time to stop running. Figuratively, but also literally because in that short sprint he had plowed down six concrete mail boxes and he didn't want to burden the town's reconstruction budget any more than absolutely necessary.
Turning around, he heads back to the site of the battle, free hand clenched and glowing with determination. Or radiation. It might be radiation.
Karakura Town Graveyard Number 9
Rukia waits in suspense, literally since the force of drama seems to be holding her in the air while the smoke dissipates, to see if her attack had any effect.
The smoke clears to reveal the Hollow completely unharmed, and Rukia faceplants as the moment passes.
The Hollow looms over her as she raises her head and it steps on her. It gloats about how it's going to eat her as a repair crew begins pulling up to the giant hole the Hollow made when it impacted the ground.
"First I'm going to chop up some soulery," it says.
Kurosaki Clinic: Living Room
Finally arriving back home, Ichigo drops Karin, who immediately scrambles behind the couch.
"That's not how you use that, Karin. You're supposed to get on from the front. Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'll be fine, Ichigo," Karin responds, rolling her eyes as she sticks her hand into a hole in the fabric and rummages about, "Go do your thing."
Ichigo leaves just as Karin pulls a knife with a silver blade and spiral-carved black wooden handle from inside the couch.
Karakura Town Graveyard Number 9
"...then add the soulasses to then pan-"
"This sounds like it's going to taste horrible," Rukia says, now more bored than frightened. The Hollow has been talking for so long about how it was going to prepare her that she's now more interested in the acrid, black mist that had settled over the battlefield in the last few seconds.
"We don't exactly have a lot of options in Hueco Mundo, okay? I would kill for some Cumin but customs won't let us import anything that doesn't have a name we can make into a pun on 'souls'. God, I want a taco."
"Oh. Well, how about puns on death and the afterlife in general. Like Die-kon, or Cream-atorium?"
"That's...brilliant!" the Hollow says, lifting its foot off Rukia, "I'm going to go draft a letter to the Prime Minister right-"
Chad punches the Hollow in the back of the head, sending it flying away. He can't actually see the monster, but the black mist has thickened to the point where its outline is visible. With a roar, he charges into it to continue the beating.
"This is for my mother!" he says with a fierce punch.
"This is for my father!" he says again, landing another punch with a resounding crack.
"And this," he says, drawing back even farther, "Is for my goldfish Mr. Pickles!"
His last punch falls with such force that the 'trace' radioactive elements in his skin cream react with Reishi or something and created a localized, highly directional, low-yield nuclear blast, sending the Hollow careening into a nearby tombstone and completely destroying the mask.
"What the actual h*ll?" Rukia asks.
As the Hollow's body disintegrates, particles rise from it, forming into a tall gate with bandaged half-skeletons on either side.
"Did...I do that?" Rukia asks, pointing to the gates.
The skeletons grab the opposite gates with their respective arms and begin pulling the gate open as the Hollow's soul rises from its body.
"I am ready to face judgement," it says, serenely.
"Um...what the actual..." Rukia's eyes cut to either side, "...large pile of money?"
A large pile of money appears in a bright flash, blinding the Hollow and distracting the skeletons. In those three seconds the mist coalesces into a pair of large, shadowy hands, one of which slams the gates shut and the other slaps the Hollow back into its body.
"Ugh. What hap-" the Hollow is interrupted by dozens of bony hands bursting from the ground, holding it down and clawing at it.
"Oh, h*ll yes, " Rukia says, too busy counting the money to notice the Hollow being torn apart, "Wait a minute...This is American money! What am I supposed to do with this?!"
"Please! Someone, help me! Mercy!" the Hollow yells, but Rukia isn't paying attention.
"Rukia! I'm here to help-Oh." Ichigo says, staring at the carnage, "I...didn't know Shinigami could be necromancers. Seems like that's kind of against your code or something."
"I didn't do this!"
"Who did, then?"
"I don't know."
"Oh. Well, you wanna go get some ice cream?"
"Only if you're paying."
"Why do I have to pay? You literally have a large pile of money in front of you."
"I wish I could use it for something. We'd have to get it converted first and I have no idea where we could do that without it looking suspicious."
"Orihime would probably know. Hey, speaking of money," Ichigo says as they start to leave, "When do I start getting paid for this job?"
"You don't," Rukia responds.
Ichigo and Rukia leave with Chad in tow because I definitely didn't forget he was there, and they all go get ice cream. Hours pass and the bandaged skeletons attempt to open the gates several times to retrieve the Hollow but the shadowy hands slap the arms away every time. Eventually, they give up and the gate disappears. Not long after, the Hollow is finally beaten into submission and the shadowy hands pick up the whimpering mess of a monster and carry it in the direction of Ichigo's house.
Random Airport Somewhere in Japan
"My apologies, sir," the terminal attendant says, "it's seems your card has been declined."
"Huh?" Harutoki Ide says, "That's impossible."
He rushes to the nearest ATM and checked his balance.
"No. That's impossible!" he repeats, "I had $450,000 in there."
"If you'd like I can-" Ide freezes as the attendant makes a noise strangely reminiscent of a bark.
"What was that?" he asks.
"I said I can call-" the noise comes again and Ide begins backing up, nervously looking all around.
"I'm sorry. I just remembered I left my...shoes on. I'd better go take care of that!" Ide squeaks out, taking off in a panicked sprint.
CHAPTER 6 END