'This must be what Mom meant when she said ghosts were evil,' Danny thought. 'Well, some ghosts, considering Dad's half-one of them. Actually, one ghost, cause that's the first one we've really met.'
Reasoning with the Lunch Lady seemed like a good idea at the time, but as she said, she'd rather follow through with her initial plan to wreck havoc on the school, menu change or no menu change. People were at a loss with whom to blame: Sam for sparking the menu change and the Lunch Lady's ire, or the Fentons for building the portal that allowed the Lunch Lady access to our world. There was only one person left who could save the school and keep old lady Ishiyama from firing Danny and Jazz…and that was Jack. At least, that's what he thought.
"You don't…have to do this, you know," said Danny.
Jack stood up.
"I need this," he sighed, "I have ghost powers, and I wanna prove to everyone that I can use them for good."
He picked up a Fenton Thermos™ and strapped it to the side of his jumpsuit. He took a Fenton Phone™ and clipped it to his ear. Then he transformed (or "gone ghost" as he'd taken to calling it), and drifted upward to the ceiling and through it.
"You better get to school," Maddie said to the kids.
"What are you gonna do?" Jazz queried.
At first, Maddie didn't know what to say. She thought about Jack and his condition—and the fun he was having with said condition before the Lunch Lady showed up and made a fool of him. Then something hit her.
"Mommy has an idea," said Maddie finally.
High noon. A crowd of students–vegetarian and otherwise (and Danny and Jazz of course)–gathered 'round on one side of the school. The Lunch Lady stretched her arms and calves after a quick warm-up brawl in the cafeteria. Jack arrived just in time for the main event. Off to the side was a guy selling t-shirts with a drawing of Jack getting his ass kicked by a generic ghost.
"Well, look who decided to show up!" The Lunch Lady taunted, "Come to make a fool of yourself again?"
"I came here to eat fudge and kick ass," said Jack in a serious, badass tone, "And I'm all out of fudge!"
The Lunch Lady just laughed, "You fool. Don't you know that you're not supposed to eat your dessert first?"
"Well the joke's on you!" Jack retorted, cracking his knuckles, "Cause fudge gives me the strength I need to do this!"
He tightened his hand into a fist, and charging forward, socked her. The crowd of students cheered–except for the few who had money against him.
"Beginner's luck," said the Lunch Lady, "How about a game of catch?"
She summoned more meat from the cafeteria. Like before, it formed together into a giant ball. The meat hovered there until the Lunch Lady willed it to move quickly towards Jack. Jack reached out his hands and caught the giant ball. He pushed the ball of meat back in the Lunch Lady's direction, but it didn't get far before the Lunch Lady willed it back to Jack.
The meat broke itself into tiny pieces as it approached the inexperienced halfa, and clung on to his body like pieces of Floam (remember those?). The meat started chewing on Jack, robbing him of his ectoplasmic energy. He struggled to get the carnivorous meat off of him, as he sank lower toward the ground, almost to the point where he started to turn back into a human.
"Gives new meaning to the term 'meat-eaters'!" said the Lunch Lady, amused.
At that moment, it seemed all hope was lost. Jack let the family and the school down. Again. While Jazz groaned and slapped a hand over her head, Danny turned in the direction of the school, as if it was giving it one last look before going away.
"I'll start cleaning my locker…" he began.
Just then, a loud, feminine voice sounded from out of the blue.
"NOT SO FAST!"
In deep confusion, all parties involved turned in the direction of where the noise was coming from. Most were in shock, few were in awe. Jazz just groaned. Even the sentient meat that was gnawing on Jack stopped what they were doing!
It was Maddie…only something was different about her. Her brown hair was white, like Jack was in his ghost form; her blue-and-black suit was now black-and-white as well—and that meant only one thing.
Maddie became a ghost too!
"You better start running, Lunch Lady," she threatened "You've just assaulted a married man!"
"You want a piece of me, lady?"
"I don't want just a piece–I want the whole thing! HIYAH!"
Maddie threw a punch to the Lunch Lady, harder than Jack could ever throw. The Lunch Lady was scared, so was the meat she summoned. The meat's distraction gave Jack enough time to regain the energy he lost and "go ghost" again, rising up in the air to greet his sweetheart.
"Madds?" Said Jack, "Why you're…"
"Kicking ass?" Maddie finished his sentence, "I didn't get a black belt for nothing!"
The duo could see fear build up in the Lunch Lady's eyes. Two against one? She didn't have a chance. Punches were thrown, ectoplasm was fired from their hands (that was a new one), even a few kicks were put in for good measure. The Lunch Lady was finally defeated. She fell to the ground. Jack and Maddie landed with grace, then turned back into their human forms.
The Lunch Lady, weak, looked up.
"Who wants Meat Loaf?" she said, in a last ditch effort to have the last laugh.
It didn't work.
"I'd do anything for love," said Jack, "But I won't do that."
He pulled out the Fenton Thermos™ from the side of his suit and turned it on. Like a Dustbuster, the Lunch Lady was sucked inside.
The crowd applauded. Then Mr. Lancer and Principal Ishiyama appeared, approaching Jack and his family and causing the others to disperse and return to their classes.
"Daniel and Jasmine," said Ishiyama, "Congratulations. Thanks to your parents' proving themselves, you are hereby not expelled."
"Although," added Mr. Lancer, gesturing to the no-longer-possessed meat on the ground, "One of you does have to stay here clean up this mess."
"Yes," said Danny, "Dash."
"Now Fenton," said the teacher, "We've been through this. We can't afford to put our star football player in detention…" Then Jack handed something to Mr. Lancer. It was a signed check–with an amount more than enough to pay for the damages afflicted to the school.
"Maybe we can."
The teacher and principal went back into the school, leaving behind just Danny and Jazz, and Tucker and Sam, and Jack and Maddie.
"Nice to see you get your reputation back," said Sam.
"I know, right?" said Jack, delighted, "And I've just thought up a new slogan! Fenton Works™ Ghost hunters: It takes one to catch one!"
That was so true.
"So…you too, huh?" Danny asked his mother.
"Your father went on and on about the benefits of being a...'halfa', and...I thought it would be rude if I didn't give it a try!"
"How? Don't tell me you recreated the portal accident?"
"No, silly!" Maddie rubbed Danny on the head as she explained, "Just ectoplasm injected into the bloodstream."
Jazz was the only one less than impressed.
"You do realize you've become farther away from a 'normal family' by one notch?" she complained.
"Jazz," said Danny, "We might not be a normal family, but we're the only family we've got, and we gotta accept that."
Jazz sighed, "Let's get back to class."
"Good idea."
They walked back inside. Sam and Tucker followed. Jack and Maddie were left alone on the school lawn.
"Wanna do something tonight?" said Jack.
"Fly through the night air like we don't give a care?" Maddie guessed.
"You're a poet and you don't know it!"
They turned invisible and kissed.
In memory of
Jim Steinman (1947-2021)
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
When the day is done and the sun goes down
And the moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of Heaven
I'll come crawling on back to you