Total Drama Pahkitew Island
Chapter 6: Mo monkey, mo problem!
LittleRedline: Very true!
AnonBrowser: Yeah, I knew you wouldn't be too happy about Max going home. Sorry about that. But Max is a character with mixed reception and not a whole lot to work with, so I felt he had to go somewhere around here. Yeah, I'm trying something a little different with both Shawn and Jasmine. I'm glad to see Jasmine is more sympathetic here, though. I have to admit, this is where things started to go downhill in canon, thanks to Amy. And for Sky's "but" I'm not sure what she was going to say either, and I've seen many people argue over what it was, depending on whose side they took in the Skave fiasco.
MDReborn: Nope! Beardo lives to fight another day! And yes, Scarlett did blow up after Max downplayed her worth. And with Sammy not distracted by the return of her sister, she decided to talk to Scarlett to see what was wrong, unintentionally angering Scarlett into voting him off. And don't worry, I plan not to have the love triangle be as disastrous as the one in TDWT.
Rockin' D-99: I can imagine your relief. Sammy indeed deserved better than what she got, and it seemed like the universe was just beating up on her for no reason. Seriously, what was the point of all that? They set her up as the most sympathetic character of the season and then just keep beating her up? Anyway, yes, Dave and Sky's interactions were something that needed a bit of reworking, no denying that. The bathing suits were definitely needed. I felt like Sugar saying "Why did our bathing suits have to get destroyed in that blimp crash?" was such a cop-out. Seriously, I know animation is hard, but it felt lazy, especially compared to other seasons. As for Ella passing out, I did it because I wanted another fairytale moment to make her fall in love with Dave, something more akin to Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. Not only did it feel romantic, but here, Dave was saving her life as well (well so was Shawn, but she only saw Dave). As for Max, he's another character I don't know what the writers were trying to do with. I felt he was there just to annoy Scarlett into insanity. Your take on him is spot-on, and I fully agree.
Hugh Jidiot: Yup, so it would seem that Scarlett is the new villain! Both love triangles are heating up, but one thing you got wrong is about Dave noticing that Ella liked him. He didn't. He only noticed that Sky was jealous of Ella when he was being nice to her. Sorry for not making that clear. So, we'll see how your predictions go.
Omega Leonidas: Yup, that all happened! Glad you liked it!
Darkwing: Who knows?
Vladitor: Indeed.
Lone Wolf: Not a bad guess!
Razenoid: Thank you!
CMC: Yes, quite.
lordgemini: Thank you very much! Yes, even with the revelation about Pahkitew Island's fauna, it always seemed weird to have a grizzly bear in scuba gear. So I switched it out for a species of bear that actually enjoys swimming. And I'm glad you like my new fairytale moment for Ella.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Without Max, Scarlett can be her own person without him taking a toll on her psyche. Glad to see I'm doing the Skave-plot better, though.
Vipron: Glad you like him! Though I won't say what my plans are for him, yet.
Polaron: Sammy seems like a good match for both Trent and Cody. I've seen a fic where she hooks up with Trent, and I've seen a few where she goes on a date with Cody, to which they had surprisingly good chemistry. Brick seems fine, though I'm not sure how they would connect. Topher... yeah I don't really see it. The guy's in love with himself, so I don't see him in a serious/sincere relationship with anyone.
MatiasND: Well, sorry about that. I know some people like him, but the way he lucked out of elimination kind of irked me. And yes, Jasmine was upset, but she isn't a quitter.
Cristina Correa: Agreed.
Crosshot: I did say that I couldn't guarantee weekly updates. I don't like being constrained by deadlines.
"Last time on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris narrated. "The teams participated in the Smash-Splash-1-2-3-X-Dash! They also got to meet Scuba Bear! Teehee! That's right! Scuba Bear! Max and Scarlett provided a bit of grief for Ella! Both Beardo and Dave got the better of Jasmine! And after Team Maskwak won, it came down to Max and Jasmine! Jasmine didn't score any points, but Max managed to piss off Scarlett so badly, she stabbed him in the back and voted him off! Team Maskwak was delighted! We're down to nine, which is great! And pretty soon, it will be eight! Who'll go kaput? And who'll stay put? Let's find out! On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the intro, we cut to Scarlett waking up. She removed her sleeping mask and put her glasses on in a tenth of a second. She changed out of her pajamas and walked over to the guys' side of the treehouse. Topher, the only male Soaring Eagle left, was still asleep. Scarlett rummaged through Max's bed to see if the supervillain had left anything behind.
And he had. After lifting up the mattress, Scarlett discovered that Max had left behind the helmet of evil that he had put on Pinky the pig in the second challenge. A devious smile worked her way onto her face. She took the helmet back to her bed and began to tinker with it.
Confesssional: Scarlett
"Ah, it's been bliss since Max left. (Sighs contently) Just the thought of that turkey being shot out of that cannon is so therapeutic! And even in defeat, he can still act as a scapegoat. (Holds up the helmet of evil) Anyway, it's time to put an end to our team's pathetic losing streak!"
End Confessional
Elsewhere, Dave was setting up a picnic, using everything he had found while foraging with Shawn that morning. He had bananas, pears, carrots, a few gourds, and a couple of yellow flowers.
As Dave settled down on the blanket, Shawn came by.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm setting up a picnic!" Dave answered. "It's part of my plan to get Sky to go out with me."
"Didn't you say that Sky was hesitant about getting into a relationship because her ex cheated on her or something?" Shawn questioned.
"Well, yeah," Dave admitted. "But things have changed since then!"
"How so?"
"Well, I called Ella cute yesterday, and Sky got jealous."
"Really?" said Shawn, skeptically.
"Yeah. I could see it in her eyes!"
"Why'd ya call Ella cute?"
"Oh, you know how playful she is." said Dave, waving his hand dismissively. "She called me a prince and started prancing."
"Okay... Wait. This picnic is for you and Ella, then?"
"Yeah. I'm going to have a couple of dates with Ella and hopefully make Sky jealous enough to go out with me!"
"You're using Ella?"
"Hey, it's not like she has a crush on me, right?" said Dave defensively.
"Eh, maybe…" said Shawn.
"And we're not gonna hold hands or flirt or anything. We'll just hang out and I'll do a few nice things for her."
"Okay... But Sky's competitive, amigo! She's not here for a relationship, she's here for the million bucks! I mean, aren't you?"
"Well, sure! But getting a girlfriend out of the deal wouldn't hurt, would it? I mean, why don't you go for Jasmine? I'm pretty sure she has a thing for you!"
"Naw, I told her I didn't want her."
"What?! Why?"
"I can't afford to be bonded to someone. When the zombies come, I have to look out for number one! And you should do the same!"
"Your loss!" said Dave rolling his eyes. "Now be a good boy and go fetch Ella for me."
"Alright. It's your brain, not mine!" said Shawn, getting up and walking off to find Ella.
"Hm, interesting." said a redheaded peeping tom.
Elsewhere…
Jasmine and Sammy were foraging for breakfast as usual. Neither had spoken to each other, for they both had things on their mind, though Jasmine's thoughts were certainly heavier. Only when Sammy found an exotic-looking fruit resembling a red pineapple did either girl speak up.
"Whoa! Jasmine! Look at this pineapple!" she cried. Jasmine came over and gawked.
"Crikey!" she exclaimed. "That's a dragon fruit!"
"Is it safe?" Sammy asked, still remembering how close she was to poisoning herself with a manchineel fruit.
"Yeah, it's safe!" Jasmine reassured, picking the rare fruit and depositing it into her sack. "Crikey, this island has everything!"
"Yeah, it's so weird…" Sammy said, trailing off.
"You okay, sheila?" Jasmine asked.
"Hm? Oh, yeah. Just had a bad dream last night."
Confessional: Sammy
"Honestly, I'm surprised I've gotten this far. I'm just so used to Amy screwing things up for me. Last night, I had a nightmare about her. It was the last challenge. I had already been voted off and was pretending to be Amy in order to escape elimination. Then, right I was about to score the winning point, Amy hops out of the water looking like a swamp monster and attacks me, allowing Sugar to win it for the other team. Oh yeah, Sugar was still on the other team instead of Beardo. Anyway, I was exposed and Chris put both of us in the Cannon of Shame to avoid any more confusion. Ugh! It sucked!"
End Confessional
"What about you, Jasmine?" Sammy asked. "Are you okay?"
"Well sure!" Jasmine replied, almost defensively. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I heard you crying last night…"
"Oh… Right..."
"Come on, Jasmine! You can tell me anything!"
"Well… alright. Shawn told me he wasn't interested in me."
"Really?!" said Sammy. "That's shocking!"
"Don't worry about it…"
Elsewhere…
Scarlett came across Sky sitting on a stump and looked very troubled.
"Your flustered expression suggests a manner of cognitive overdrive." Scarlett observed.
"Huh?!" Sky cried, startled. "What'd you say?"
"I said, it looks like you're thinking hard." said Scarlett, rolling her eyes. She then sat down and smiled. "Come on, Sky. Let's converse. Female adolescent to female adolescent."
"I, uh…" Sky stammered. "You're not on my team."
"Don't worry about it! Us girls always have each other's backs. Now, what's eating you?"
"I… well… I'm wondering if there's something going on between Dave and Ella."
"Oh, is that it?" said Scarlett, intrigued. "Well, you needn't worry. There's nothing going on between them."
"Are you sure?" said Sky hopefully.
"One-hundred percent." said Scarlett confidently. Sky sighed in relief.
"Yay. Thanks, Scarlett!"
"After all, Dave's been flirting with everyone!"
"Huh?! What are you talking about?" Sky asked, worried.
"Dave told me that my eyes resembled emeralds. And then I caught him complimenting Sammy on her symmetry. And what he said to Jasmine, I do not want to repeat! Ugh! Disgusting!"
"Are you sure?"
"Trust me, Sky. From one female homo sapien to another. Dave is a womanizing bastard. You want proof? Go to the clearing a hundred yards southeast." Scarlett then got up and walked away, leaving Sky looking more worried than ever.
Confessional: Scarlett
"That was all false, but ever since they threw out their two most incompetent members, the Tigers have been creaming us. And around the same time, our team became a total mess. Everyone is on their own page, and there's no room for teamwork. We need to throw the other team into discord, in order to resume winning."
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Shawn had just found Ella.
"Ella!" he cried.
"Hello, Shawn!" Ella greeted. "Have you seen Dave?"
"Oh yeah! He sent me to look for you! He's in the clearing setting up a picnic for you!"
Ella gasped excitedly, an action that was not lost on Shawn.
"Thank you, Sir Shawn!" she thanked Shawn and skipped off towards Dave.
"Uh-oh…" said Shawn.
Confessional: Ella
"My prince David is going to confess his affection for me! I only wish it wasn't a picnic. The birds who follow me will eat everything!"
End Confessional
Dave was sitting back against a stump with his eyes closed. Ella announced her presence with her lovely humming.
"Ah! The princess is here!" said Dave, opening his eyes to find Ella on her knees, gazing lovingly at him. He was taken back by how happy she looked.
"Yes, she is!" said Ella.
"Yeah… so I was thinking…"
"Yes, Prince David?"
"Dave is fine… Um, you wanna have breakfast together? Just the two of us?"
"Sounds wonderful!" Ella replied, joyfully.
"Cool. Uh, dig in." Dave handed her an orange and picked up one for himself. As Dave dug in, he couldn't help but notice that Ella had not taken her eyes off of him. She was still smiling affectionately and expectantly.
"So, uh… Do you miss Leonard or Sugar?" Dave asked.
"A little. They seemed like such fun people!" said Ella.
"Yeah, maybe…" said Dave. "But they weren't all that serious in the competition."
"Well, you don't have to be serious all the time! Just during the challenges!"
"I suppose so…"
"You have to learn to enjoy life, not just get by in it!"
"True, but you still have to get by, so a little seriousness here and there could come in handy. I mean, not to be mean or anything, but you were in the bottom in the first challenge."
"I know. And I learned from my mistakes."
"Well, good. We wouldn't want you to leave just yet."
"Oh?" Ella asked, blushing again. "And why would that be?"
"Because… Are you blushing?"
"Maybe…"
"Okay…" said Dave, starting to get suspicious. "I just thought it'd be fun to do this from time to time! What do you think?"
"Oh, David! It sounds wonderful!" Ella hugged Dave in excitement, increasing Dave's fears. "You and me! A prince and a princess! Living happily ever after!"
"Oh, so you have a thing for me?" Dave asked.
"Yes, I do!" Ella said, barely able to contain her excitement. She was so close to fishing a love confession out of him. "What about you?"
"I… uh…"
"I'm listening!" said Ella in singsong.
"I… didn't know that…" said Dave, looking very guilty.
"Pardon?"
Dave looked at Ella, the excitement in her face was replaced by concern. He realized he was making a big mistake. Feeling it would be better to let her down easy before she found out the hard way, Dave steeled himself.
"Ella, I'm going to be honest. I was just… I have a thing for… for Sky. I think she has a thing for me too, but she seems reluctant to act on it. I thought that if she saw me hanging out with you, she'd get jealous and realize she wanted me too."
"Your heart belongs to… Sky?" Ella asked, her voice cracking.
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't realize…"
"That's okay!" said Ella. She tried to smile, but tears welling up in her eyes betrayed her. "I'll just… you know…"
Ella got up and ran off, sobbing, leaving Dave feeling horrible.
"Oh… what have I done?!" Dave moaned, putting his hands over his face. He didn't have much time to remorse, though.
"HEY, TEAMS!" Chris announced over the loudspeakers. "PROCEED TO THE MEETING AREA! IT'S TIME FOR ME TO LAUGH AT YOUR PAIN! TEEHEE! THERE WILL ALSO BE A CHALLENGE!"
Confessional: Dave
"Man, this was such a bad idea. Maybe Shawn's right. I should probably focus more on the competition and less on romance."
End Confessional
Later…
A vending machine had been placed in the center of the meeting area. Right next to it was an animal kennel big enough for two medium-sized dogs. Jasmine and Sammy were the first to arrive, followed by Shawn and Sky. Jasmine looked around, confused.
Beardo was the next to arrive, looking as though he had just woken up.
"Whoa… that was some party last night!" Beardo yawned.
"You guys had a party?" Sammy asked.
"Yeah! We were celebrating the defeat of Max!"
"You should have invited me!" said Scarlett, just showing up with Topher. With her whole team present, Jasmine spoke.
"Oy. Something's weird about this island."
"What do you mean?" Sammy asked.
"Well, those trees were closer yesterday, and that mountain wasn't even there before!" said Jasmine, pointing.
"Hm. Interesting…" said Scarlett.
"I am a hundred percent sure that you are a couple of koalas short of a swarm." said Chris, sounding annoyed.
"A swarm of koalas?!" said Jasmine incredulously.
"Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" Beardo imitated the sound of a cuckoo clock.
"No seriously! Something's wrong!" Jasmine insisted. "We keep finding new fruit trees and bushes every day! Look! You don't find dragon fruit in Canada!"
Jasmine pulled out the dragon fruit.
"Yes, you do!" said Chris, annoyed.
The campers waited for the last two campers, Dave and Ella, to arrive. Ten minutes passed without a sign of them.
Chris held up a radio to his mouth.
"DAVE! ELLA! I'M GIVING YOU ONE MORE MINUTE TO ARRIVE OR YOU'RE CANNON FOOD!" Chris yelled impatiently.
"Hey, Chris!" said Topher. "While we're waiting, you and I can have a host-off!"
"Hey! That's a horrible idea!" said Chris.
Confessional: Topher
"Chris is intimidated by my talent and youthful good looks! My hair alone is a national treasure! Babies envy my skin! I should totally be hosting this show!"
End Confessional
When Ella arrived, she earned a lot of stunned looks. Not only did she look emotionally devastated, but she had changed into a black version of her princess outfit, looking as though she were going to a funeral. She sat down in between Sky and Beardo.
"Whoa! Ella's gone goth!" Sammy cried.
"Ella, what happened?! Are you alright?!" Sky asked, concerned.
"I'm fine… It's just that my heart is filled with sorrow…"
"(Whomp-whomp-whomp-whoooooomp!)" went Beardo. He was met with glares from Shawn, Sky, and the Eagles.
"Sorry." Beardo apologized. He had intended for that to sound sympathetic, not realizing how inappropriate it had sounded.
"I thought Dave liked me." Ella sighed. "But it's you who's captured his heart." she told Sky.
Shawn's face twisted with confusion. Scarlett scowled. Sky's face burst with joy.
"He does like me! Yes!" Sky cheered. Suddenly, Sky felt the glares turn on her. "Oh, sorry!" Sky wanted to comfort Ella but found it extremely difficult to fight down her joy. "Sorry about Dave, and… about smiling. Am I still smiling?"
"Yes..."
"I am so sorry!"
"Sorry I'm late!" said Dave, finally arriving and sitting between Sky and Shawn. "I was… uh…"
"It's okay!" said Sky, smiling and turning away from Ella. "Hi! What's up?"
With Sky distracted, Beardo grabbed Ella and pulled her into a tender hug, and didn't let go.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Damn it, I wasn't counting on Dave getting cold feet. Oh well. Time for Plan B!" (Holds up the helmet of evil)
End Confessional
"Today's challenge is called Snack Attack!" Chris announced. "This vending machine only takes specifically crafted gold coins! The first team to get their gold coin into the machine wins! And gets something to eat!"
"What's the catch?" Dave asked suspiciously.
"I'm glad you asked! Chef?" The big cook opened the kennel to reveal two spider monkeys. One of them wore a pink collar and the other had a blue one. Chris then tossed a gold coin to each monkey. "I'm giving the coins to Alfonse and Betty here. Who are now going to run away!"
The monkeys scampered off in separate directions.
"They're getting away!" Sky cried urgently.
"Come on, Eagles! Let's move!" Jasmine cried, getting to her feet.
"STOP!" Chris yelled. "Nobody move! The monkeys get a head start! Team Kinosewak will go after the boy monkey in the blue collar. Maskwak will go after the girl."
"Ha! Monkeys! This could not be more perfect!" said Dave, enthusiastically.
"What do you mean?" said Shawn.
"I have a secret weapon!" Dave held up a banana, earning impressed grins from Sky and Shawn.
"Alright!" cried Chris. "You can go after your monkeys riiiiiiiiight… now!"
HONK!
Chris blew an air horn. The teams raced off into the forest in the direction they thought they saw their monkeys go. All except for Ella, who trailed behind miserably.
"Come on!" Jasmine cried, beckoning her team to hurry up. "That monkey could be halfway to Brisbane, right now!"
Topher was the first to catch up with her.
"I have a few errands to run and then I'll come find you guys!" said Topher, before running off in the opposite direction.
"Errands?!" Jasmine cried incredulously. "What?!"
"Yes, so do I!" said Scarlett, also running away.
"Are you-?! What?!" Jasmine stammered.
"Where are they going?" Sammy asked, just as confused.
"Ugh! Never mind! We'll find the monkey ourselves!" Jasmine declared.
"Just the two of us?" said Sammy. "Cool!"
Elsewhere…
The Tigers had cornered Betty quite easily. She was perched on a rock next to the edge of a pond, looking over her treasure. Dave, Shawn, and Sky approached her, grinning eagerly.
"Beardo! Hand me the banana and I'll see if I can trade it for the coin!" Dave commanded. He held his hand out behind him, but there was a distinct lack of fruit coming into it. "Beardo?"
"Oooooooh shit!"
Dave, Sky, and Shawn turned around to see Beardo with a guilty look of someone who just realized he had screwed up big time. He smiled sheepishly and dropped an empty banana peel at Dave's feet. Dave, Sky, and Shawn groaned. A little while back, Dave had given Beardo the banana to hold onto while he pushed bushes and branches out of his way. Unfortunately, Beardo had been busy consoling Ella when Dave revealed his strategy to the team. As such, he assumed that Dave was just being nice and giving him a snack.
"Sorry!" said Beardo.
"Argh! Now what?!" Shawn groaned.
"Ooh-ooh-ah-ah!" Beardo made monkey noises, hoping to communicate. Betty screeched angrily, reached underneath her, and threw some mud in his face.
"Yeah, I'm no expert at speaking monkey, but I think you just offended her." Shawn commented. "Whoa!"
Betty scampered off and ran up a tree. Once she was up about thirty feet, she put the coin in her mouth and swallowed it whole.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the Tigers.
"Um, I don't think this is mud…" said Beardo. "I'm gonna go wash up…"
Beardo ran off.
Meanwhile…
Chris was setting up a television screen when Topher recklessly ran into him and knocked him over.
"Chris! I am so sorry!" Topher apologized, helping a disgruntled Chris back to his feet. "I was chasing the monkey and… Have you seen him? No? Okay! Bye!"
Topher ran off before Chris could respond.
Confessional: Chris
"Note to self: Start hating Topher."
Confessional: Topher
"I got Chris's phone!" (Holds up a smartphone and laughs) "So easy, it was like taking money from a monkey!"
End Confessional
Meanwhile…
Sammy and Jasmine were still on the hunt for Alfonse. They thought they were in luck when they heard hooting.
"Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha!"
"You hear that?!" Jasmine cried.
"Yeah! This way!" Sammy cried hopping through the bushes excitedly. After ten seconds, Sammy came into a clearing and her excitement turned into annoyance. "Oh. It's you."
It was not Alfonse she came across. It was Beardo, grinning mischievously.
"Oh, bloody hell." Jasmine groaned.
Meanwhile…
Beardo wasn't the only one screwing the opposing team. Scarlett had just finished up setting up a rope trap for the Tigers and was now prowling through the woods with the helmet of evil in her hands.
"Let's see, I need a good minion… preferably an Ursus arctos horribilis..." she muttered. "Ah-ha! Speak of the devil!"
Scarlett found a grizzly bear minding its own business and eating from a berry bush. She crept up behind it as quietly as she could. This apparently wasn't quiet enough because the bear whipped around, stood on its hind legs, roared, and swiped at Scarlett.
"Argh!" Scarlett cried, falling down and clutching her left shoulder. The bear leaned over her and growled menacingly. In a split-second, Scarlett plopped the helmet onto the bear. The bear paused and sat down, as though waiting for commands. Scarlett stood up, clutched her injured shoulder, and spoke to the bear.
"Stand on one foot!" she commanded. The bear did so. "Rub your stomach! Scratch your nose! Pant like a dog!" The bear obeyed every one of these commands. "Go find a spider monkey wearing a pink collar and eat her!"
Meanwhile…
Jasmine and Sammy were still on the hunt for Alfonse. They were separated for a bit before Jasmine heard Sammy calling out to her.
"Jasmine! Over here! I found him!" came Sammy's voice. Jasmine quickly rushed in the direction of Sammy's voice but came across not Sammy but Beardo again.
"What the-?! Where's Sammy?!" she demanded.
"Sorry, I'm not Sammy!" said Beardo in a perfect imitation of Sammy's voice. Jasmine dropped her jaw.
"The bloody-?! Would you mind your own business?!"
"Hee-haw! Hee-haw!" Beardo brayed like a donkey and then snickered. Then, fed up with his shenanigans, Jasmine seized Beardo and hung him from a tree by his underwear.
"Let that be a lesson to you, ya dingo!" Jasmine scolded.
Confessional: Beardo
"Toooooooooooootally worth it!"
End Confessional
Just then, Sammy came by looking terrified.
"Did I just hear Amy?!" she cried, panicking.
"What? No! It was him!" said Jasmine, pointing to Beardo. "Apparently he can imitate voices perfectly!"
"For crying out loud!" Sammy griped. "I almost had a heart attack!"
Suddenly, the girls caught sight of Alfonse, hopping into the bushes. They quietly pursued him. After a minute, they found Alfonse's collar, discarded by the monkey.
"Losing your jewelry won't help, fella!" Jasmine taunted picking the collar up. "Because we are hot on your…" Jasmine stopped cold. Right before her and Sammy was a tall tree where at least forty spider monkeys sat. It was impossible to tell which one was theirs.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jasmine and Sammy yelled in horror.
Elsewhere…
Betty was sitting in between two large rocks, scratching her armpits. Sky and Shawn stood on either side, ready to pounce on her.
"Hold her, Shawn!" Sky commanded. "While I try to get the coin!"
"Yeah, sure!" Shawn affirmed. He inched closer to the monkey, being careful not to scare her off, but he really should have acted quicker. Because right as he was about to pounce, the bear wearing the helmet of evil popped out from behind the rock, seized Betty, and swallowed her whole. The team gasped.
"Are you kidding me?!" Sky griped. "Spit her out!"
The bear roared at her.
"He's wearing Max's mind control helmet!" Dave yelled.
"If that's how it ends for Team Maskwak, I don't think I could 'bear' it!" Chris narrated from the meeting area. He chuckled at his pun, while Chef rolled his eyes. "What? Too hilarious?"
"(Ba-dum, crash!)" Chris cringed as Beardo, having just shown up out of nowhere, imitated a rim-shot. Chef snickered.
"Dude! You're in the middle of a challenge! Beat it!" Chris snapped angrily at the human soundboard. Beardo complied and Chris turned to the camera. "Wanna see what an evil, mind-controlled bear can do? Me too! So stay tuned to Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
After the commercial break, we cut to Topher hiding behind a tree and using Chris's phone.
"Hello? Is this the executive producer of Total Drama? Excellent! I'm… Scribs Hackley calling from a major newspaper that you've definitely heard of. Question: How old is your host, Chris McLean? Sixty or sixty-five? Really? Guess those were hard years. Have you ever considered a younger host with amazing hair? I'll call you back! I gotta run!" Topher hung up the phone and rubbed his hands together sinisterly. "Ha! The seed of doubt is planted!"
Meanwhile, Jasmine and Sammy were having no luck in determining which monkey was Alfonse.
"Oh-em-gee!" Sammy cried. "Look at all of them!"
"Come on! Which one of you has it?!" Jasmine demanded angrily. The monkeys responded by making fun of her. They made funny faces, blew raspberries, hooted mockingly at her, shook their butts at her, made L-signs with their forefingers and thumbs, and a few even flipped her off, all the while laughing naughtily. Jasmine growled in frustration as she held Alfonse's collar. Just then, Scarlett and Topher appeared.
"Does this mean any one of these monkeys could be our monkey?" Scarlett asked hesitantly.
"Yeah… Bloody hell!" Jasmine griped.
"Well, anyone got any bright ideas?" Topher asked.
"Yeah, there's a simple way to solve this…" said Scarlett.
Meanwhile, with the Tigers…
"There's no way to solve this!" Shawn exclaimed. "It's a coin wrapped in a monkey, wrapped in a bear, being controlled by Max!"
"I swear! Are we ever going to be rid of that freak?!" Dave complained.
"Guys! Quit whining!" Sky scolded. "The coin is in there, so let's just bring Chris the bear!"
Dave and Shawn gasped. The bear raised an eyebrow at Sky.
"Um, Sky?" said Dave slowly and carefully. "I love you. I think you're awesome in every way."
Ella sighed. Sky blushed.
"But this… is a terrible idea and is going to get us all killed!"
"You have a better idea?" Sky asked, slightly offended.
"How about, running for our lives?" said Dave, pointing at the bear. The bear was now growling threateningly, and the helmet was sparking, as though it were malfunctioning. Even more shocking was that the bear's eyes began to glow red. The bear lunged at the Tigers who screamed and scattered. Unfortunately, the bear managed to catch up to one of them. It seized Dave and held him in a headlock.
"Argh! Help!" he cried. Shawn, Sky, and Ella turned around and gasped. The former two ran back to help the germaphobe, but the bear tightened its grip on him. "Ugh! Don't help! Don't help!" he choked. Shawn and Sky backed up.
Meanwhile, with the Eagles…
"Our best chance to find which monkey has the coin is by conducting a neuroscientific experiment." Scarlett stated. "I mean, it's no secret that there's hyperactivity in the mirror neurons of primates, right?" Scarlett chuckled. Her team looked at each other, dumbfounded.
"Uh, you're totally right!" said Sammy. "Whatever you said…"
Scarlett sighed.
"I said, we play Monkey See Monkey Do?" Scarlett clarified, dismayed.
"I love it!" said Topher.
"Of course!" said Sammy.
"Great idea!" said Jasmine.
Confessional: Scarlett (Disgruntled)
"Use… little… words!"
End Confessional
"Come on, monkeys!" Sammy cried. "Wave your hands in the air, like pom-poms!" The Eagles then waved their hands excitedly. The monkeys, fascinated by the behavior, imitated the waving.
"Cool guy double-pointing to the camera!" said Topher, coolly. The Eagles leaned backwards and pointed coolly at the monkeys, who mirrored them.
"Throw a coin into the air!" said Scarlett. Each of the Eagles took out a coin and flipped it onto the ground." The monkeys, lacking the resources to perform this action, merely frowned at Scarlett. Except for Alfonse, who happily tossed a gold coin into the air, only for it to be caught by Jasmine.
"Ha! Gotcha!" Jasmine bragged victoriously. Alfonse smacked himself. "Thanks, mate! Let's go!"
The Soaring Eagles took off toward the vending machine.
Meanwhile, with the Tigers…
"Ella! Sing to the bear! Sing to it!" Sky commanded.
"Oh, I don't know if I can!" Ella moaned. "My singing comes from the heart! And my heart is broken right now!"
"You've got to try! Dave's life is in danger! Come on! You'll be a hero!"
"Whatever you're going to do, do it fast!" Dave cried as the bear began squeezing him, making it difficult to breathe. Ella looked at Dave. The boy who had broken her heart earlier that day. The one who flat-out admitted that he was using her. In spite of this, Ella couldn't feel any bitterness or resentment for him. All she saw was the boy she loved in danger.
"Alright! Alright! I'll try!" Ella declared. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!" The bear stopped squeezing Dave and looked at Ella."Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!" The bear cringed, as though he had heard nothing more horrible in his entire life, despite Ella's voice being as angelic as ever. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!" Several birds perched on Ella's fingers as she sang. The bear dropped Dave, who gasped for breath. "Ah-ah-ah, Ah-ah-aaaaaarrrggghhh! Help!" The bear lunged at Ella and tackled her to the ground.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Yeah, I'm no fool! Ella's singing voice is somehow hypnotic to the local fauna, so I made sure any attempt for her to placate my minion would backfire. It is a rather fascinating ability though and I would like to study it! Provided, of course, the bear doesn't rip out her vocal cords."
End Confessional
Once again, Shawn and Sky charged the bear in an attempt to rescue their teammate. The bear swat them away easily. Just as it was about to rip out Ella's vocal cords, a horrible feedback came over the loudspeakers, followed by Chris's voice.
"HELLO, CAMPERS! CHRIS HERE! AND I HAVE A VERY PERSONAL SECRET I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU ALL: I AM TOTALLY GAY FOR CHEF HATCHET! HE IS THE SEXIEST BEAST IN CANADA! HIS SKIN IS AS SOFT AS SILK AND HIS VOICE IS LIKE A VIOLIN! MWAH! I WANNA KISS HIM SO BADLY!"
As the Soaring Eagles ran to the vending machine, they burst into hysterics. They were all laughing so hard, Scarlett forgot to steer them away from the rope trap she had set up. She broke the tripwire and the entire team was hoisted into the air, trapped in a giant net suspended twenty feet above the ground. The laughter stopped immediately.
"Oh, shit…" Scarlett muttered quietly. The trap had been a backup plan and was set for the Tigers. The last thing Scarlett needed was for her team to realize that she had set up this trap. Oh, if only Max were still here, she thought.
"Ugh! I bet Beardo made this trap!" Jasmine cried angrily after she got over the surprise. Scarlett breathed a little easier.
The Tigers would have burst out laughing too if they weren't in such a serious situation. As such, the odd confession from Chris only made the bear laugh. Dave, being the only one no longer incapacitated, ran to the bear and snatched the helmet of evil off of the bear. The bear's glowing red eyes faded back to black, and it fell over, unconscious. Dave then dropped the helmet to the ground and stomped his foot through it, destroying it.
"Are you okay, Ella?" Dave asked, helping her to her feet.
"Yes. Thank you." said Ella.
Confessional: Ella
(Sighs) "And here I was, hoping to be a hero, yet I wind up the damsel in distress. Story of my life, I suppose."
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Chris was flipping through the channels on his television, looking shocked, dumbfounded, horrified, infuriated, and humiliated.
"What the (BLEEP) was that?!" he cried.
"Beats me!" said Chef, looking just as bewildered as he Chris. The host grabbed for his radio but found that it was missing.
"Beardo!" he gasped. He turned to the TV and flipped through the channels. Sure enough, he eventually found Beardo holding his radio, rolling on the ground, and cracking up. The human soundboard must have snatched it while mocking Chris's corny joke before the commercial break.
Confessional: Chris
"Note to self: Start hating Beardo."
End Confessional
"Walking with a bear! It doesn't matter where! The sun is out! And I haven't got a care!" Ella sang. With the helmet of evil removed, the bear reacted to Ella's singing in the usual way. He followed the princess to the meeting area, swooning. Sky, Shawn, and Dave trailed behind. Eventually, the quintet passed under the net holding the Eagles.
"I've never seen such a happy bear!" Topher commented. "Not even in cereal commercials!"
"Oy, you!" Jasmine cried. Ella and the bear ignored her and continued to walk towards the meeting area. Shawn, Sky, and Dave, however, looked up.
"Jasmine!" Shawn called.
"Whoa! How'd you end up like that?" Sky asked.
"Don't act all innocent!" Jasmine yelled. "I know one of you built this trap!"
"What? No way!" said Sky.
"It must have been Max!" said Dave.
"Uh, Max is gone!" said Sammy. "Remember? You guys saw him get eliminated? And then you threw a party to celebrate?"
"Then explain what this was doing on that bear!" Dave held up the busted helmet of evil, and the Eagles gasped in horror, though Scarlett was grinning on the inside.
Confessional: Scarlett
"Thank you, Max! I think I've found a new way to make you un-useless!" (Snickers)
End Confessional
"Works for me!" said Scarlett.
"Get us down!" Jasmine demanded.
"Don't worry! We'll get you down!" Shawn offered. He turned to run the tree trunk the net was hanging from but was held back by Sky and Dave.
"Ah-ah-ah!" Sky scolded. "After we win!"
"Yeah, they're not in any danger!" said Dave.
"Yeah, good idea…" said Shawn. "We'll be back after we win!" The three ran off to catch up with Ella.
"Hey! Come back here!" Jasmine cried, but to no avail. "Hey! HEY! …Unbelievable!"
"Maybe we can vote Max off again if we can find him!" Topher suggested.
"Whoa! Let's not discuss elimination just yet!" said Sammy. "Let's try and get down!"
"Agreed." said Scarlett. "Jasmine, see if you can untie that knot right there, Sammy, that one, and Topher this one. I'll take this one." Each of the Eagles got to work on untying a separate knot. Scarlett was the first to finish untying hers, Jasmine was the second, Topher third, and Sammy was the last due to the inconvenient position she was in. With each knot that was severed, the trap got lighter and looser. Once Sammy finished hers, the net split apart, dumping the Eagles into a painful heap on the ground.
Meanwhile, the Tigers had arrived at the meeting area and explained to Chris their situation. The bear was still in a trance.
"So, you say the coin is in the monkey, which is inside this bear, which was somehow being mind-controlled by Max. That's the story you all agreed on?" said Chris, skeptically.
"It's the truth!" Ella pleaded.
"Okay, we'll check the monitors after the challenge and see if Max somehow managed to make it back to the island. But if you don't get the coin in the vending machine, you guys lose."
"Well, how are we supposed to get to it?!" Dave cried.
"Not my problem!" said Chris. "Figure it out!"
The team groaned in frustration.
"Damn you, Max." Shawn grunted.
Just then, Beardo arrived.
"Hey, guys!" he greeted. "Did we win?"
"No, not yet." said Sky.
"Way to show up after all this time, dude!" said Shawn, impatiently.
"Sorry."
"Where have you been?!" Dave scolded.
"I was messing with the other team." Beardo explained. "What's with the bear?"
"Our monkey is in the bear!" said Ella.
"Oh. Okay, then. No problem-o!" said Beardo. "I know the Heimlich maneuver!" Beardo seized the entranced bear from behind and squeezed its stomach. "Alright, Smokey! Cough up the monkey!"
Hack!
The bear proceeded to throw up miscellaneous junk, including a license plate, Cody's wallet, and Cody's shoes. Dave, Ella, Shawn, and Sky, stood by with disgusted looks on their faces.
"Come on! It's gotta be in there!" Beardo grunted.
Hack!
The bear barfed up a sink.
"This bear's got a big appetite!" Beardo commented, impressed.
HACK!
After an excessively violent hack, Betty was spewed out of the bear holding a magazine and looking traumatized.
"EW!" cried Beardo's teammates.
"Alright! Round two!" Beardo declared. He picked up Betty and roughly stuffed his hand down her throat and began rummaging around inside her.
"Ah! Don't do that!" Sky cried, heavily disturbed.
"Let's see… Where's that coin? No… Ooh! That ain't it! Ugh! Stop squirming, Betty! You brought this on yourself!"
"Please stop!" Ella cried.
"Here comes the coin!" called Jasmine, running into view.
"Search that monkey, Beardo!" Sky cried urgently.
"Jasmine's almost here!" Dave shouted.
"Find that coin!" Shawn yelled.
Finally, Beardo's determined scowl morphed into a victorious grin.
"Cha-ching!" Beardo imitated the sound of a cash register bell as he pulled the gold coin out of Betty. "Sorry, sweetie. But that's what you get for being naughty!"
"Ain't it the truth?" said Jasmine. She ran to Beardo and kicked him in the butt, causing him to fall forward and drop the coin.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the Tigers. Jasmine ran to the vending machine and deposited her coin.
"Game over!" Chris announced. "Team Kinosewak wins the challenge!"
Topher, Scarlett, and Sammy started cheering, having just arrived. Meanwhile, the bear ate Betty again.
"(Whomp-whomp-whomp-whoooooomp!)"
"Tonight's snack food is provided by our Japanese affiliate: Chef Hatchet's Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails!"
"Junk food?" Scarlett scoffed. "Seriously?"
"Hey, it's better than nothing!" said Sammy.
The Eagles were allowed three items each from the vending machine. As they lined up and grabbed their snacks, Chris turned to the Tigers.
"Okay, Maskwak! It's time to vote one of you off the island! Kinosewak, seeing as how you already your food, there will be no need to attend the elimination ceremony. You can if you still want to, though!"
The Tigers all looked at the ground in despair.
Confessional: Sky
"There goes our winning streak."
Confessional: Sammy
"I'm so glad we finally won a challenge without Amy! If I had gotten eliminated before we did, I would never hear the end of it from her! That girl's ego is already too big!"
End Confessional
Elimination Ceremony: Waneyihtam Maskwak
The Tigers arrived at the elimination area and placed their votes. Despite not being required to, the Eagles had shown up anyway to see who got the boot.
"Team Maskwak has voted!" Chris announced. But before we see who's at the bottom of the totem pole, we have some news to dish out!"
The campers all looked at Chris with great anticipation.
"You found Max?" Shawn guessed.
"After looking over hours of footage we can confirm that Max is nowhere on the island!" The campers all groaned in indignation and skepticism, save for Scarlett, who became nervous. "We did, however, find Amy!"
Chef appeared with a garbage sack over his shoulders. He dumped it out and everyone gasped. Amy sat on the ground, covered in seaweed, algae, and barnacles. Her clothes were all torn and ruined. She looked like the creature from the black lagoon. The campers all gawked at her.
"I knew it!" Sammy cried. Then suddenly, a huge smile worked its way onto Sammy's face. "And you said it was Beardo!"
"Well, I've been wrong before…" said Jasmine.
"Samey!" Amy cried almost ferally.
"Wow! I am so happy to see you! Look us at us! We won a challenge! Without you!" Sammy bragged. Amy let out a truly feral growl and lunged at Sammy. But Chef was faster than her and threw the bag over her before she could get the peanut gallery. He then went down to the Cannon of Shame and a couple of seconds later, there was an explosion. And Amy was sent over the horizon again.
KABOOM!
"Yay!" Sammy cried.
"Well, that just happened…" Dave commented.
"Now that that's over with, let's get on with the ceremony." said Chris.
Confessional: Dave
"In our first elimination ceremony, I wanted more than half of my team gone. In our second, I only wanted two people gone. Now, I really can't say there's anyone on my team that I really wanna get rid of. Funny how that works." (Sighs)
End Confessional
"The following players are safe!" Chris announced, readying his marshmallows.
"Ella!"
"Yay!" Ella cheered.
"Shawn, you're also safe!" Chris tossed marshmallows to the two. "The rest of you received at least one vote."
Sky, Dave, and Beardo looked at each other fearfully.
"The third marshmallow goes to…"
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"Sky!"
"Phew!" Sky cried.
"Dave, you broke poor Ella's heart and got captured by a bear today. Beardo, you ate the banana Dave was going to give to the monkey and tried to convince everyone that I'm in love with Chef!"
Dave, Shawn, Ella, and Sky laughed.
"Waddaya talking about?" Beardo asked innocently.
"And the person going home tonight is…" Chris ignored Beardo. The laughter stopped as the atmosphere tensed up again.
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"Beardo!" said Chris with a very satisfied smile. He tossed the final marshmallow to Dave who, despite his safety, seemed upset. Beardo imitated the sound of Pac-Man dying.
"Yup. Game over." Dave sighed sadly. Jasmine and Scarlett smirked in satisfaction.
Confessional: Shawn
"Yeah, Beardo's useful, but he's also a bit of a screw-up. Can't take the risk of him messing up again. Sorry, man!"
Confessional: Sky
"I voted for Beardo. Because outside of challenges, he's pretty lazy. He never helps us with foraging or laundry or anything."
End Confessional
"I, for one, am really happy!" said Chris. "Seriously, I don't understand how you weren't the first one voted out! You had 'first boot' written all over you!"
"Chris! That's enough!" Sky snapped.
"It's alright. The odds were against me anyway. Hey, Dave, man! Buck up!" Beardo said to a depressed-looking Dave.
"Okay… I'll try…" Dave said sadly. The human soundboard patted him on the back. He then high-fived Shawn, hugged Sky and Ella, and shook hands with the Eagles.
Beardo followed Chris and Chef down to the Cannon. Chef tried to stuff an Evel Knievel onto his head, but his afro was so large, it just sat there uselessly.
"Boy, when was the last you got a haircut?" Chef demanded.
"I dunno. Maybe four or five years ago?" Beardo shrugged. Chef then opened the butt of the cannon and Beardo got in without protesting. Once his head popped out of the mouth of the Cannon, he saw the rest of his team had followed him down to see him off.
"Farewell, Beardo!" Ella cried.
"Sorry, buddy! No hard feelings!" said Sky. Beardo smiled, touched. In spite of his elimination, he was happy that he had managed to prove to his team what a great guy he really was.
"It was really nice to meet all of you!" said Beardo.
"Yeah, you too!" said Dave, choking up. "Sorry for calling you... names..."
"Later, man!" said Shawn.
Beardo imitated the sound of a gun cocking.
"Enough, already!" Chris yelled.
KABOOM!
The remaining Tigers solemnly bowed their heads and closed their eyes.
"That's enough of him!" said Chris turning to the camera. "As tempting as it is to see how many kids we can stuff into the cannon, eight remain! Who's next to fly? Find out, next time! On Total… Drama… Pahkitew Island!"
Epilogue
The Tigers walked back to their cave in silence for a while. Eventually, Dave spoke up.
"Damn shame. Just as I was starting to like him…"
"I know, right?" said Sky, grabbing Dave's hand and smiling. "Still, at least you're still here!"
"Oh!" said Dave, blushing. He stopped when he heard a heavy sigh behind him. He turned around to see a depressed Ella.
"You okay, Ella?" said Dave.
"Well… I'm sad that Beardo's gone…" said Ella, but Dave didn't buy it. He let go of Sky's hand and walked over to the princess.
"Listen, Ella. I'm really sorry for getting your hopes up. If I knew ahead of time how you felt, I wouldn't have done it."
Ella frowned.
"If it makes you feel any better, our little breakfast date was actually pretty fun until the end."
Ella averted her eyes but smiled appreciatively.
"I swear, I'll make it up to you, somehow."
"That's kind of you Dave, but you saved my life today. So I'd say we're even."
"Only after you saved mine!" Dave pointed out.
"Alright… I'll keep that in mind!"
"Freinds, then?"
"Friends." The two hugged.
Votes
Beardo: Dave
Dave: Beardo
Ella: Sky
Shawn: Beardo
Sky: Beardo
Results
Beardo: 3 votes (Eliminated)
Dave: 1 vote
Sky: 1 vote
Rankings
9. Beardo
10. Max
11. Rodney
12. Amy
13. Sugar
14. Leonard
Author's note: Yup, it's finally Beardo's time. I imagine some of you are disappointed and I wouldn't blame you. Beardo has indeed grown on me ever since I started writing this, but I couldn't see him going further than this, and I really wanted to do the next episode with just Shawn, Sky, Dave, and Ella, as I really enjoy their team dynamic. And besides, Beardo was a bit of a fifth wheel, he didn't do any chores for the team, and despite his usefulness, he did screw up several times. I originally wanted this episode to end with Scarlett's plan to get Max eliminated not be in vain thanks to Chris disqualifying Ella. But I wanted Beardo around for one more episode so he could comfort Ella. Some of you were also worried about what I was doing with Dave and Ella, so hopefully, I handled that well. And yes, Ella is going further this time, because duh. Let me tell you, even though Chris got more and more evil with each season, I never had any particular hatred for him until he kicked Ella off the show, the dirtbag. And that's it for now! R&R!