Here we are with the latest update to my little story. It is a bit longer than I had originally anticipated, but I suspect that after this, there will be maybe two more updates. There is so much more story that could be told but at some point, I feel there just has to be an end, leaving the new proposed future up to the reader's imagination. Thank you for reading so far. Any thoughts - good or bad - would be greatly appreciated.
Jack and Kate don't belong to me so please take no offence by my use of them here. Oh yeah, please don't sue either - I'm not making any money off of this and am just using up free time and space (in my mind and my hard drive:) Scarlet.
Chapter Six
Kate carried the empty dishes to the kitchen, made herself a cup of tea and brought it, along with a fresh glass of ice water to the bedroom, resuming her seat at Jack's side. She felt immensely relieved that Jack was fully awake, completely coherent and had been able to eat the plate of food she had made for him. She hoped that now that he was fully hydrated and had more time between him and his last intake of heroin, that he had turned the corner on his road to recovery.
"Kate," he said after having had a drink of his water, "why don't you come and lie down with me? You look almost as tired as I feel."
She noticed the slightest twitch at the corner of his mouth and thought that he might have given her more of a smirk if he had more energy. As it was, she could tell he was fading and admittedly, she was feeling the hours of lost sleep as well. She gave what she hoped was a slight grin of her own and wearily rose from her seat and walked over to her side of the bed. He pulled the blankets back and patted the mattress next to him, shuffling down until he lay flat on his back as she crawled in beside him.
She rolled to her side so she was facing him. She let the weariness settle her into the mattress as the blanket covered her. Her eyes fluttered closed, the warmth of Jack's body calling to her from the other side of the bed. For the first time in days, her focus was not on the health or care of the man next to her. Her mind wandered in a sleepy abandon with no apparent pattern or direction.
She felt the shifting of the mattress and opened her eyes to find his blue eyes looking at her warmly. He lifted his hand and brought it toward her, to pull her body up against him, she imagined. To fit her body along the length of him and pillow her head against his chest. Suddenly, the image of dark hair spilled across his white tee flashed through her mind. She shifted, putting more space between them as tears arose unbidden in her eyes.
"Kate…" He reached out and gently brushed the tears from her cheeks.
"Don't." She barely managed the word through her increased tears. Now that the thought of Jack with another woman had entered her mind, she couldn't escape it.
"What's wrong, Kate?" he asked and the concern in his voice only served to make her feel worse. "Please don't cry."
He reached out to pull her close once again, but this time she not only shifted to avoid his touch. She sat up in the bed, pulling the blanket up with her in efforts to chase away the cold that seemed to have seeped within her bones.
"She had dark hair, didn't she?" she said and noticed that his face fell as she asked the question. "She was from Mexico so it makes sense. She had dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin. Is she shorter or tall like me?"
"Kate, don't do this, please."
"It was Claudia, right? Did you used to do this with Claudia? Lie in bed and hold her close and…"
"Stop it, Kate."
She was surprised to hear answering anger in his voice. How could he be angry with her? "You're angry at me?" she asked and looked over to meet his eyes only finding that his anger seemed to instantly disappear.
"I'm sorry, Kate," he said, pulling himself up until he mirrored her seated position. "You're right. I have no right being angry with you. It's just that…"
He stopped and looked away from her and she waited for him to finish his thought. He remained silent but looked back over to her and she found his eyes filled with anguish.
"Please, Kate, you have to understand. It's not like that. I didn't love her. I slept with her because it helped the case. It helped me gain her trust, find out information, things I would have never known or had access to if it hadn't been for Claudia."
His voice had been steady with his explanation, even a little clinical, but she couldn't help but notice that it softened when he said her name.
"You cared for her. Are you sure that was all?"
He looked down at his lap and then looked back to her again, his eyes clear. "Kate, it's not even that, I think. I felt sorry for her. She was trapped in this impossible situation with her younger brother and her father and they were all good people. They were not criminals. They were nothing like the men I was there to take down."
She looked away from him, her stomach in turmoil as she digested his words. She wasn't sure how she felt about the thought of him having sex for work. Did it make her feel better or worse? She had long ago accepted that he had to make difficult choices, impossible decisions, cross lines that the average person never drew close enough to see, never mind leap over. She had accepted that his ability to do those bad things are part of what made him a good man.
This didn't feel the same.
"Kate, please try to understand. I hated using her in that way. I hated that I had to lead her on and take advantage of her, but I did intend to try to get her and her family out of that situation."
"Intended to?" she asked in spite of herself, looking back over to him. He looked away and stared at his lap once again.
"Her father and brother came back to CTU with Chase, but Claudia died during his escape."
"Oh, Jack, I'm sorry."
She laid her hand on his hands held clasped in his lap all the while wondering what the hell was wrong with her? Here she was feeling sympathy for him over the loss of the woman he had slept with while she had been home worrying about his safety. But she did feel bad for him. Because she believed him.
"Kate, you have to know that this was just work. It was just Jack Bauer doing what Jack Bauer does to get the job done. I am sorry that Claudia was killed but please don't take that to mean more than it does. Whenever I was with her, I was always Jack Bauer. I was never Jack."
He shifted on the bed until he was kneeling beside her, both of her hands clasped in his. He looked at her earnestly.
"Kate, please. I know I don't have a right to ask, but please, I'm begging you. Please tell me you can forgive me. That you will give me, give us, another chance."
She looked at his clear blue eyes, shining with emotion and was sure he found the same in her own eyes. She knew she loved him, but was that love enough to get past all of this? She thought of the life growing inside her, the life that she had just accepted as a permanent part of her future. She thought of her baby, their baby, and then looked to the man holding her hands so tightly and she hoped that it would be.
"I'll try, Jack. I want to try, but I'm not going to lie to you about how I feel."
"I would never want you to do that," he said, releasing her hands and cupping her cheek with one while he tucked her hair behind her ear with the other. "I love you, Kate. I love you. All I ask is that, no matter what you're feeling or thinking, you remember that I love you. Can you do that for me?"
She nodded, feeling the tears spill over her eyes and he brushed them away. He kissed her on the cheek, first one and then the next, then he pressed a kiss on her forehead before wrapping his arms around her. The embrace was awkward with him kneeling beside her but it warmed her all the same. She tucked her head into the space between his shoulder and neck and pressed a kiss against the smooth skin there. She felt him shifting on the mattress but his arms still held her close and eventually he was laying on his back with her cushioned on his chest. Slowly, the rise and fall of it in time with his breathing lulled her to sleep.
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Sun streamed through the blinds, bringing light to the stuffy room. He wondered when was the last time Kate had opened the windows. She was sleeping soundly beside him. He had convinced her to lay with him last night after Michelle had left, despite her protest about having work to catch up on. Despite having slept at least for a few hours after breakfast, the purple shadows that had seemed to take up permanent residence beneath her eyes still had persisted throughout the day.
For his own part, he felt better than he had in days. His memory was still hazy of the past few days although there were some moments that stood out in stark clarity. He remembered seeing the blood on Kate's face the first time he had tried to escape. He remembered the soft smile she had greeted him with when he had woken the day before after having slept through the night. He remembered the feel of her hands caressing his cheek, soothing him as he lay shaking on her bathroom floor.
He turned on his side to face her sleeping form. She lay on her side, facing away from him and before he could think otherwise, he slid over and tucked her against his chest. He closed his eyes, taking in her scent and the feel of her against him. His arm curved around her waist and his hand stroked the curve of her abdomen. His body responded to the feel of her in his arms and under his hand and he tried to push aside his natural reaction, not wanting to wake her.
Her hips shifted until she was more firmly pressed against him. She reached back and stroked the smooth skin of his thigh. He tried to hold back the groan that her movements incited but was unsuccessful. His lips found the shell of her ear while his hand wandered upward, cupping her breast and massaging it. Her body felt different to his touch and he explored it further, wondering at the subtle changes, like an increased softness that hadn't been part of the feel of her from before.
"Oh god, Kate, I missed you."
She moaned in answer and he slid his hand beneath her tank, relishing the feel of her smooth skin against his calloused palm. He kissed her neck just behind her ear and continued his exploration of her body. Her hips rotated against him as his fingers dipped beneath the waist of her pants. They were both moaning when she finally turned in his arms and captured his lips in a kiss. Soon, she was pulling her tank off, having already removed her sleep pants and he took off his boxers as well. Then, he was finally inside her and he couldn't imagine how he had gone so long without this feeling of being with her.
Their coming together had been intense and he fell to the mattress afterward, spent. He pulled her body up against his, wrapping his arms around her and burying his nose in her hair. The feel of her body in his arms warmed him and he was reminded of all he had done to chase her from his life. He silently promised her, promised himself that he wouldn't do anything to risk driving her from his arms once again.
They had spoken of it all over the past day. Well, he had spoken and she had listened – to all of it. Not just his affair with Claudia, but everything else that he had done during his time undercover. Of course, they spoke about his drug use before and after that time. He told her of why he had had to reinsert himself into the Salazar organization and everything else he had endured that day before he had arrived on her doorstep. She had accepted it all, and him although in some ways, he still couldn't believe it. In so many ways, he knew he didn't deserve her acceptance, her love but he was so thankful that she gave it.
He had fallen asleep with her wrapped in his arms and woke as she shifted, moving away from him. He tightened his arms, moving to close the small gap she had created between them.
"Stay," he said simply.
"Jack, I can't stay in bed," she answered. "I have to go to work tomorrow. I have to get caught up on a few things before I do."
He felt guilty as once again, he realized what he had thrust upon her by showing up out of the blue and asking her to take care of him.
"I'm sorry, Kate, I should go."
He pulled away from her and started to rise from the bed. She sat up, pulling the sheet with her and placed a hand on his arm.
"I don't want you to go," she said. "And, to be honest, I don't think you should. It's too soon."
Was it too soon? He felt better, a little tired and worn out, but he didn't feel the call of the drug as he had in the days prior. He hadn't really felt it the day before even, but he had been much more tired then. Worn out from his fight against his body's need for the drug and worn out from the emotional pain of confessing all of his sins. He looked over at Kate and saw concern and something else that he couldn't quite place on her expression.
"And, Jack, I think we should talk about a few things, too."
'There it is,' he thought. She was going to tell him how she really felt about him and the things he had done. She was going to tell him that she didn't want him in her life.
"Kate, I'm sorry I put you through all of this. I had no right to come here in the condition I was in and thrust all of this on you after the way I treated you. Please, please forgive me."
She reached over and covered his hand with hers.
"Jack, you already said you're sorry and I've already forgiven you," she said softly. "That's not what we need to talk about."
He was confused but decided not to ask her any questions. There was something about the expression on her face that made him think that she needed a little time to gather her thoughts before she said what was on her mind. He felt uneasy and really wanted to get up and pace the room while he waited for her to speak, but her hand was still covering his and that anchored him somewhat. He shifted on the bed so that he sat next to her, his back also leaning against the headboard. He turned his hand and wrapped his fingers in hers.
"Jack, I don't know how to say this and before I do, I just want to say that what I'm about to tell you had no bearing on why I forgave you. Or why I helped you."
His stomach turned with nervousness. His mind circling and wondering what it was that she needed to say. She squeezed his hand and then pulled her hand away, turning to look away from him as she did.
"I really didn't think I would be telling you this," she started, talking to the wall and then finally looking back to meet his eyes. "I'm pregnant."
His mind went blank and then a million thoughts raced through it all at once. How? Who? When? What? He felt as though all of his breath had rushed out of his lungs at the same time. Then, suddenly an image of Kim the first time he had held her pushed its way to the forefront. The rush of love he had felt as he rocked her slowly and she wrapped her tiny fingers around his own. Kate was going to give that to him.
She wasn't going to tell him.
He looked over to her and found a worried expression in her eyes, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.
"You weren't going to tell me?"
"No, Jack, it's not like that," she said, reaching out and capturing his hand in hers once again. "I mean, I was so confused and you had left me and I really didn't know what I was going to do."
He pulled his hand away from hers.
"You weren't going to tell me."
This time there was no question in his voice and his mind was reeling for a completely different reason.
"Jack, that's not fair."
She climbed from the bed and hastily pulled on her discarded tank and sleep pants. He couldn't help but note that his hands had not deceived him earlier, his mind hadn't forgotten the feel of her. Her body was already showing some changes from her pregnancy and those were the changes he had noticed. She wasn't going to tell him. She paced back and forth a few times and finally stopped at the end of the bed.
"You had left me by the time I realized that I was pregnant. I was hurt and alone and then suddenly, I had this huge, life-altering decision to make."
He looked away from her then, unable to meet her eyes as he realized what she had been through when he had left her. He left the bed then too, pulling on his boxers as he walked over to stand in front of her. She looked up at him with turmoil in her eyes. He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I never would have not told you, Jack. Maybe if I chose not to keep it." She looked down at her feet. "I really struggled with what I should do. With what was best – for me, for you…" She placed a protective hand over her abdomen.
"I'm sorry, Kate. I wish I had been here for you." He covered her hand with his own. "When did you decide…?" He let his words fade without completing the question. He was still reeling with the thought that he was going to be a father again, that Kate was going to have his baby and that she almost had chosen not to.
"I don't really know. I just kept telling myself that I would take care of myself as if I was having the baby while I took the time to decide what I should do. I'm not sure I had even made up my mind when you came, but Michelle thinks differently."
"Michelle knows?" He wondered who else Kate might have told.
"She found my prenatal vitamins when she was here helping me take care of you." Kate paused for a minute before continuing: "Even though Michelle knows, I didn't tell her. I just admitted it. Technically, you are the first person I told."
He reached up and brushed the line of her jaw with his thumb. She smiled just ever so slightly and he realized it was in answer to a smile of his own.
"I love you, Kate," he said and then bent slightly and captured her lips in a kiss. It was soft and tender and he tried to fill it with all the love he felt for her. He didn't deepen the kiss. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and she returned his embrace equally, leaning against him and tucking her head into the crook of his neck.
"I love you, too," she answered, her breath tickling his skin and warming his soul. He knew in that moment that he had found his way home.
Well, there we go. Jack finally knows and all seems to be on track for their relationship once again. Please let me know what your thoughts are on this latest installment. SS.