Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned the rights to 911 or its characters. It all belongs to Fox TV and the show's creators like Brad Falchuk, Ryan Murphy and whoever else.

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Chapter 6

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Before Bobby could even begin to think of something to say to answer Buck's coldly asked question, Captain Marsden was stepping forward with a serious expression on his face.

" Buckley, you should know I have had multiple people stepping forward and confessing to the absolutely deplorable way they had been treating you since you returned to duty three months ago. Several people have been placed on chore duty and left off of calls, and still others have voluntarily taken suspension." The B-shift captain explained.

Buck remained pale and unmoved as he spoke.

" Thank you for telling me Captain Marsden, but I ask you Captain Nash, would they have done any of that if they hadn't thought I had died?" He asked neutrally.

" Kid I... I am so sorry-" Bobby began to say when Buck slowly shook his head.

" You're sorry because you thought I had been cooked in a bus crash, not because you finally realized how much you were hurting me by leaving me off calls and having me do practically every single chore, and piling even more on if I even tried to open my mouth to protest." Buck said sharply, causing Bobby to flinch and avert his gaze while several other firefighters shifted uncomfortably behind him and Captain Marsden.

" Yeah, the lawsuit sucked, not just for you but for me too because even after passing all of my recertifications, getting cleared by several doctors after the embolism, the blood-thinners being temporary, and even surviving a tsunami while I was on them, you still went behind my back and told the higher ups that I wasn't ready to get back to work." Buck said before he sighed and shook his head, crossing his arms across his chest as he stepped forward, closing the distance between him and Bobby before he continued.

" All you had to do was talk to me Captain Nash, make me understand your concerns and we would have worked something out because contrary to what you and everyone else might think, I am a grown man, I have been on my own since I was a teenager and I am not that idiotic probie I started out as." Buck said firmly.

" I-I know Buck I just... After seeing how hard you pushed yourself, to the point that you choked up blood in my backyard I just... I didn't think you were ready, I just wanted to keep you safe." Bobby said with tears gathering in his eyes.

" Why didn't you want to keep Firefighter Han safe to the same degree? Why was he allowed back within a month after he had a piece of rebar go through his brain? And he was also back within a few weeks after he almost got stabbed to death and we all knew the hard anti-biotics he was still taking. Where was your loving concern then Captain?" Buck countered without any clemency.

From where he stood, Chimney felt his eyes fill, both at Buck referring to him so formally and also having the stark contrast between how he was treated and how Buck was treated being brought up before everyone. If there was anyone who should have been the most understanding to Buck, it was him. Instead he had been like a brick wall, siding with his captain and thinking Buck's actions as a betrayal rather than a desperate move to come back because the captain he trusted had been the one to put up the roadblocks. Chimney couldn't stand it anymore, couldn't stand the hard look Maddie was leveling at him. He strode forward and came to stand next to Bobby as he spoke.

" I am so sorry Evan, I know I let you down too. I should have been by your side because of what I've gone through and instead I took the lawsuit as you betraying us when you weren't, you just wanted us back and even when you did finally come back we didn't let you have us, we were all too angry to see." Chim said with a hitched breath. Buck looked down and closed his eyes, Chim's words

" Bucky's really mad Daddy." Chris said in concern as he stood beside Eddie watching the confrontation that was unfolding.

" I know mijo and he has every right to be because we didn't treat him right before he went on vacation bud." Eddie said quietly as he looked down at his son sadly.

" You have to say sorry Daddy, if you hurt Bucky's feelings... you have to say sorry. He looks really sad too." Chris said as he wrapped his arms around Eddie's leg and looked up at him with his eyes wide and imploring.

" I know bud, I will." Eddie assured as he gathered his son to him in assurance before he gently ushered Chris over to Maddie who immediately wrapped her arm around Chris' little shoulders and gave Eddie this hard, unreadable look. Barely being able to meet the woman's dark eyed gaze, Eddie turned, gathered his nerve and stepped forward.

" Buck... Evan, we were all sh-crappy to you when you came back. I know I was the worst, I just felt so betrayed and angry, especially when you told Mackey about our personal lives. When he brought up Shannon I just got so mad and-" Eddie began when Buck cut him off.

" Yeah, I agree that wasn't my best move, telling him all those things but I thought he would keep them in confidence. Even then, Mackey wasn't wrong was he?" Buck challenged, looking between Eddie, Bobby, and Chimeny before he continued.

" You with your multiple life threatening injuries." Buck said gesturing to Chim.

" And you with the sudden and violent loss of someone you once loved and who was still your wife Diaz." Buck then gestured to Eddie before turning flinty eyes to Bobby.

" Of course you would side with Bobby, he trusted that you could both still do this job despite everything you were going through and actually respected that you are both grown ass men. He never interfered with your livelihood." Buck said with his jaw clenching.

" I just... I just wanted you to slow down, especially after the embolism and the tsunami. You almost died again and I couldn't... I just couldn't bear the thought of something else going wrong, you getting hurt again. I just wanted to keep you safe Buck." Bobby said desperately.

" So you thought going behind my back and telling the higher ups I wasn't competent, keeping me behind when I did get to come back, excluding me from everything I fought so hard to get back to, making me do the dirtiest chores knowing that I am on blood thinners, not knowing or willfully being ignorant to how others here had been treating me for the last three months was keeping me safe?" Buck asked incredulously before he turned grayed eyes to Captain Marsden.

" Captain Marsden, you said people have come forward and fessed up to how they've treated me. Did someone come forward and tell you how they tripped me while I was cleaning and almost made me spill bleach on myself? Did someone come clean about who left the chewed gun I had to clean off of my name tag on my locker? I could go on and on since it's been months of this so I'll finish by asking if anyone came clean about how they told me to my face that things would have been so much better if I had actually died under that truck?" Buck asked flatly.

As a collective gasp of horror went through the crowd, Bobby gawking in shock while Chimney promptly burst into tears, and Eddie covered his mouth with his hand, none of them having known that Buck had been going through such torment. From where she stood Athena looked downright murderous, Hen and Maddie right there with her. Many others hung their heads in shame but it was Captain Marsden who stood tall and spoke without missing a beat.

" Yes Buckley, yes they have, to all that you have described and more. I have an entire list and they have all been dealt with like I said, placed on scut duty or suspended. The one who said those words to you has resigned as well, but you have the option of filing an official complaint and you would be well and truly within your rights to exercise that option Firefighter Buckley." Marsden said as he looked over his shoulder to glare at the crowd under his command.

Buck blinked at this and then nodded before he sighed and shook his head, looking utterly exhausted for a moment before he tensed.

" I didn't turn down a $15 million settlement offer from the Department just to get people fired. What you've done is enough Captain Marsden. Thank you." Buck said firmly.

There were more gasps of shock and groans of regret from the whole crowd.

" Buck, did you just say $15 million?" Hen asked shakily in utter disbelief.

" You heard right Hen." Buck said with his eyes softening for her for a moment, but they turned glacial again when a shell-shocked Eddie seemed to almost have to drag himself forward towards Buck.

It took everything in Buck not to flinch back as Eddie came to stand before him and gawk as he spoke.

" Y-You turned down millions? Millions? How?... Why?" Eddie breathed as he gazed desperately at his best friend... his love.

" The how was easy, I just told Mackey and the Department that I didn't want the money, I just wanted all of you. If you really have to ask me why Diaz, than you are even blinder than I thought." Buck said before his mask of coldness finally cracked a tiny bit, the anguish and turmoil underneath breaking through as Buck leaned in and spoke so that only Eddie could hear.

" You all were enough, all I needed and you all are somehow still enough." Buck whispered with his expression cracking for a moment before he schooled his features.

Eddie inhaled sharply and tried to reach out to Buck, but Buck stepped back.

" Buck, Buck oh God." Bobby cried brokenly as he stepped forward, horrified beyond words by all that Buck had revealed.

" What Captain Nash?" Buck asked coldly.

" I never wanted this, you have to believe me Evan. I never intended for any of this. I just wanted to keep you safe because I see you as a son." Bobby croaked out.

" I know you didn't want this, you thought you were doing what was best for me, but this is how things ended up." Buck said with a shrug as sadness finally came over his face.

Before anyone else could say anything, Buck turned away and stepped back to the memorial table. The 118, who were all in this sort of invisible cocoon of countless horrendous emotions watched with baited breath to see what Buck was about to do. Would he smash up the memorial table? Would he weep? What would he do now? They watched on as Buck stared at the table for several moments more before he slowly reached out towards his framed graduation portrait. Very gently, Buck used his thumb and pushed the black ribbon off the corner of the frame so that it fell silently on the table, the meaning clear.

A wordless declaration that Evan Buckley was still very much alive.

Buck then turned his attention to the countless array of flowers that had been left for him. He saw this small bouquet of deep red roses in a little sphere-shaped glass vase filled with water that had a little black ribbon around the rim that read "Dearly missed" in silver letters across it. Feeling a crushing wave of melancholia overtake his anger, Buck reached out and took the vase into his hands. Karen brought a hand to her mouth to hold back the sob, tears streaming from her eyes as she and everyone else watched Buck bring the flowers up to his nose and smell them.

The day before they had all thought the next time they would see him was in a closed casket, at the funeral they were only just starting to plan for him. Now here he was standing before them, and despite his righteous fury and desolation, he was resplendent where he stood, smelling some roses from his own memorial.

The fragrant scent of the roses filled Buck's nostrils, sending a wave of calmness through him. With a sigh, Buck gently placed the roses back down on the black and purple draped table, his fingers gently brushing at some of the deep crimson petals before he noticed the slate grey memorial book laying amidst the many flowers and pictures people had left. With fresh agony lancing through his head, Buck picked up the book and tucked it under his arm before he finally turned to face his family.

Bobby was openly crying now, while Eddie's eyes were over-bright and he was hugging himself tightly where he stood. Chimney had calmed only a little as he wiped uselessly at his face. Hen had an upset Denny in her arms, tears in her own eyes while Chris clung to a crying Maddie. Michael had his arms around May and Harry in comfort after all the upsetting things that had just been revealed. It was Athena who stepped forward with tears clinging to her lashes but a determined look on her face.

" Buck... Evan I am so sorry, for all of this." Athena breathed.

" Why are you sorry Athena? You didn't do anything." Buck asked with a frown.

" Exactly, I didn't. I might not be a firefighter but that is my idiot husband over there and he is the main captain of this entire house full of morons. I told him that in my opinion, keeping things from you was a bad idea but I see now I should have cuffed him to a chair, duck-taped his mouth and not let up until I got it through that immensely thick head of his that while he sees you as a son, sees himself in you, you are not him and that you will never be him. Whatever mistakes you make are yours to make, not his to try and control. I should have done more and I am so sorry baby." Athena said with her voice trembling.

" Oh Athena, no." Buck breathed as he stepped forward and took his pseudo mother into his arms, still holding the memorial book in one hands. Athena's breath hitched softly as she hugged Buck back painfully tight.

" It all just got really screwed up, but I never blamed you Athena." Buck said quietly before with a sigh he forced himself to let go of her and then stepped towards his pale and trembling captain.

He looked at Bobby intensely, the older man barely able to meet his gaze as Buck spoke.

" Cap, could you put my gear back?" He asked softly, shuffling uncomfortably.

" Of-of course Buck." Bobby replied just as softly, barely keeping the sobs at bay.

" Thanks. And umm... if it's okay, could you guys also take all these flowers to Greenview? I just... I think everybody there could use them more than me. Especially since I am very much not dead." Buck said quietly with a fleeting smile at the last few words despite everything.

Now a few people couldn't hold back their sobs, Captain Marsden even choking up. Greenview was the LA cemetery almost exclusively for first responders. Buck's quiet, considerate gesture on how to use his own funeral flowers just about did everyone in.

" We'll make it happen Buck, I promise." Bobby said earnestly.

Buck nodded mutely before he turned his gaze to his tearful sister. He walked past everyone else, still holding the memorial book as he made his way to Maddie as spoke.

" Maddie, do you have the new key to my apartment on you?" He asked.

Maddie hesitated a moment while everyone else grew tense around them before she wordlessly nodded, letting go of Christopher to look through the purse hanging from her shoulder. She pulled out her own house keys and then rummaged through them until she found a gleaming new looking silver key. She worked it out of the key ring and then held it out to him, knowing that it would do her no good to try and protest. Buck took the offered key and sighed when Chris looked up at him tearfully. A presence beside him had Buck turning to see an absolutely miserable Eddie standing beside him, shame making his head hand as he stood with his hands in his pockets.

" What Edmundo?" Buck asked coldly.

" I just..." Eddie trailed off and sighed before he stepped past Buck and picked Chris up into his arms, giving his little boy a long hug before he turned back around to face their Buck.

" Take Chris with you please?" Eddie said quietly, almost desperately.

Buck felt his eyes widen at Eddie's words, but he quickly shook off the shock and nodded as he stepped forward and held out his arms. Chris gave his dad a quick nod before he all but launched himself at Buck, the blue eyed man easily catching him and holding onto his like he was the most precious thing in the whole universe.

He probably was to both Eddie and Buck. Chris wrapped his little arms tightly around Buck's neck and buried his face into the junction where Buck's neck and shoulder met.

" It's okay buddy. I am just going back to my apartment." Buck explained, not just to Chris but to everyone else. He looked up to see many relieved faces gazing back at him.

" My phone will be on at all times but don't call or text me, you'll know I'm okay, I will text, don't worry." Buck said in a tone leaving no room for argument and a warning look at everyone before his eyes settled on the elder Diaz.

" We'll be back before dinner, I just need a couple of hours to process everything and also pack some more of my stuff since I've decided that I am going to stay at your place for a while, because I am not leaving Christopher... or you." Buck added quietly as he looked away, refusing to see the astonished look that spread across Eddie's face at his declaration.

Eddie could only stand there, frozen in awe at Evan Buckley's graciousness towards him, even after how shitty and spiteful he had been for three whole months. This was Buck, this was the man he loved, the man he truly did not deserve. As a single tear slipped free, Eddie managed only to nod in understanding as his heart pounded against his chest and his blood roared in his ears.

Buck then looked over his shoulder at the rest of the crowd, many of then still flinching a little under his darkened gaze as he spoke.

" I'll see the rest of you on Monday when shift starts." He said, causing many including Bobby and Captain Marsden to stare at him wide-eyed, clearly taken aback by just the very thought of Buck coming into work the day after tomorrow. Before anyone could say anything else, a small heartbroken smile spread across Buck's face as he spoke.

" Thanks for the memorial though, it's actually really beautiful and I am gonna read what you all wrote in this." Buck said as he motioned to the slate memorial book still in his hand.

" It was really nice of you all to shine my helmet and remember that roses are my favorite." Buck added, his voice finally starting to shake and become weak.

Nearly the whole crowd bowed their heads in collective shame, totally in awe at Buck's kind words of gratitude towards them, after all they had put him through.

Then Buck gave them a curt nod before he turned on his heels and started walking out of the fire truck bay with Christopher in his arms, the little boy raising his head from Buck's shoulder and giving all of them a little wave as they walked between the gleaming red fire trucks. The crowd could only watch on in silence as Buck reached his parked Jeep and pulled the back door open before he helped Christopher inside. Then without looking back at them, Buck made his way around to the driver's side of the Jeep and climbed in. With a low, distant rumble the Jeep came to life and then driving out of the parking lot in front of the station and away.

In his wake was a devastated silence, the hush of deep rooted shame, and awe in the face of such poise and dignity as that which Evan Buckley had just displayed.

It was Maddie who broke the stillness that had descended over the entire station. She slowly walked past everyone else and came to stand before a pale and shaking Bobby Nash. The despair in her brown eyes slowly morphed in a smoldering fury that only intensified when they caught sight of Howard Han a few feet behind the tall captain of the 118. Eddie didn't even feel Hen or Athena's baleful glares directed towards him as he all but dragged himself over to the parked ambulance rig and collapsed onto it, hunching over and burying his face into his hands, letting every single thing wash over him.

Is this what hell felt like?

About an hour later at Buck's apartment...

"Come on Buck!" Chris yelled in triumph as he pressed furiously at the buttons of the game controller in his hands.

" Hey! Hey you're the one who keeps bumping me! Quit it!" Buck said without much heat and a genuine laugh as he pressed the buttons on his own controller.

On the tv was the cartoon fighting game they absolutely loved to play together. Of course Buck was letting his little man win. Once Christopher had thoroughly trounced him at the video game Buck asked him what he would like for lunch. About half an hour later they were enjoying some Thai food. Buck had gotten Chris the kids meal chicken wings while he was enjoying a nice chicken curry. While they ate, Buck took some pictures of a beaming Chris and sent them and a text to Eddie telling him that they would be back at the Diaz residence by early evening 6:30 to 7:00. To Buck's quiet relief Eddie's reply was a simple thank you with no additional apologies. Buck then sent off texts to Maddie, Athena, and Hen to check in, tellingly not contacting Bobby or Chim. Eddie himself would have been excluded too but since Eddie had practically begged Buck to take his child with him when he had made to leave the firehouse, Buck had to contact him.

Now that he had checked in, Buck focused his attention fully on Christopher and enjoying lunch with his little Superman. After lunch Buck and Christopher watched Finding Nemo until Christopher drifted off into slumber thanks to his little stomach being full. Buck carried the boy upstairs and tucked him into his bed, placing a loving kiss to the top of is head before he quietly took his leave and want back downstairs. He sat on his sofa and finally picked up the slate colored memorial book he had brought back with him. Taking a deep breath, Buck opened the book and marveled at how it was already half-way filled with the hand-written messaged of those firefighters who had been working at the station while Bobby and the others had been placed on bereavement leave.

As Buck started to read the words his fellow firefighters had wrote to him, Buck felt his eyes fill once more. He didn't want to be bitter, he didn't, but so many of the ones who wrote such poignant and regretful messages were the same ones who had either ignored him completely or made their displeasure with him known on a near daily basis. This book in his hands was nearly filled with words of apology, well wishes for the journey to the other side, sadness, regret, and love.

Buck felt his heart ache all over again as fresh tears spilled from his eye and he started to sob quietly.

It all just hurt so much but after a few minutes Buck stopped sobbing and pulled himself together. He wiped the tears from his eyes and took a deep breath as he composed himself and then continued to read his own memorial book. As he did so, Buck dared to hope that all who had written to him were sincere in their regret, and more importantly their love.

Several hours later when evening had just been reached...

Eddie was trying not to fidget but his eyes kept glancing at his front door, anticipation coursing through his veins. Buck had texted him a little while ago, informing Eddie that they were on there way back to him. Eddie honestly hadn't known what to do with himself since he was still reeling from the verbal evisceration he had received from Maddie, Athena, and Hen in rapid succession. Bobby and Chim hadn't fared any better, effectively in the doghouse with their respective ladies.

That hadn't stopped Bobby from going home and cooking up a feast of Buck's all time favorite dishes and dropping them off with May accompanying him, Athena's daughter giving him a small but not less terrifying warning of her own about treating Buck right. Bobby looked like he had aged a decade in a day but still hopeful that they would all be able to come back from everything. Bobby had figured sparing Buck from any sincere but deeply ill-advised attempt at dinner from Eddie Diaz was a step in the right direction. Eddie had thanked Bobby for the save, they had shared a hug and words of encouragement towards each other, and then gone about quickly storing everything in the fridge for later.

A little while after Bobby and May had taken there leave there was another knock at his door. When Eddie had opened it this time, he was greeted by the sight of a very haggard and dejected Howard Han, who was dropping off a box of pastry cakes from Buck's favorite bakery. Chimney revealed that he had been effectively kicked out of the apartment he shared with Maddie and that it was only by the grace of Karen Wilson that he would actually be having a roof over his head for the foreseeable future, Hen having been all for leaving Chimney to find his own shelter. Karen had been able to convince her to relent, but Chim hadn't even been allowed the couch. Hen had sent him with a sleeping bag straight down into the basement. Chim hadn't protested, just understood that Hen was cross with him immensely, and with good reason seeing as to how he should have been the most understanding towards Buck's entire situation both after the fire truck and after he returned to the firehouse.

Chimney had taken his leave, giving Eddie his own reassurance that despite how wrecked everything seemed right now, they would fix things, they would earn back the privilege of being Evan Buckley's family.

Now Eddie was just eagerly counting down the minutes before Buck and Christopher would finally be back with him here at the house. An agonizing five minutes later the sound of the front door lock opening had Eddie shooting to his feet. As he stepped towards the front of the house the door swung open and the beloved click of walking canes against he floor filled ears. A smile instantly came to his face as Christopher shuffled into the house, followed by Buck, still dressed in the light gray button up shirt and jeans he had been wearing earlier, the rich golden light of the setting sun behind him. It was a vision straight out of heaven, and Eddie Diaz found himself desperately wanting.

" Hi Daddy!" Chris greeted with one of his mega-watt grins as he caught sight of Eddie and hurried over to him.

" Hey mijo!" Eddie replied just as eagerly as he met Chris halfway and picked his baby boy up.

Father and son reunited with a tight hug and tons of kisses. When Eddie heard the door shut he turned his eyes to his other beloved returned to him. Eddie felt a lance of pain through his heart at the quiet, tender smile on Buck's face as he gazed at them, but his blue eyes were still sad and tired as he held the strap to the bigger, dark blue duffel bag he had brought with him. Despite everything, Eddie felt a thrill of excitement shoot through him at Buck staying true to what he had said at the station.

That he would stay with them, he wouldn't leave. Eddie knew full well Buck was here more for Christopher than for him, anything to reassure his little boy after the traumatic week they had all gone through. But Buck had included him in his voice, and Eddie held onto that like a lifeline.

" Hey Buck." Eddie said quietly with a warm smile.

" Hey Eds." Buck replied just as quietly with a nod, feeling a shyness come over him at the way Eddie was basically drinking him in. There was a moment of silence before Buck spoke.

" Lemme just go put my stuff in the guest room." Buck said as he gestured to his duffel.

" Why the guest room Buck? aren't you gonna stay with Daddy?" Christopher asked with a frown as he looked between Eddie and Buck.

Buck froze, not knowing how to respond when Eddie stepped in.

" Mijo, the guest room's got more space so Buck can put all the stuff he brought with him there. He can stay in whichever room he wants." Eddie said with a reassuring look at both his son and his best friend.

Buck nodded wordlessly with a genuine smile at Christopher, but an unreadable look at Eddie. They quickly shook it off though as Eddie began to pepper Christopher with questions of what he and his Buck got up to at Buck's place while Buck headed off to Eddie's guest room to put away his stuff like he said he would. Buck left his bag on the guest bed and stepped back out. He walked back into the living room and felt a genuine smile come to his face when he saw that Eddie and Chris were engaged in a tickle battle. Though he was loathed to interrupt, Buck spoke.

" Hey Eddie?" He called.

Eddie instantly turned his attention to Buck, cradling a giggling Chris against his chest.

" Yeah Buck?" Eddie replied with eagerness.

" Do you guys wanna see the pictures I took in Arizona?" He asked carefully, not wanting to trigger either Eddie or Christopher regarding his vacation, which had been alright from him but disastrous for them.

" Sure Buck, we'd love to see them, right mijo?" Eddie said as he smiled down at Chris. Chris nodded in enthusiastic agreement.

" Great! Lemme just go get my laptop and I'll hook it up to the TV." Buck said with a smile before he strode off down the hallway to Eddie's bedroom where he had left the grey bag he'd taken with him to Arizona.

A couple of minutes later Buck had his laptop connected and starting the slideshow feature before sitting down next to Chris. Even with Chris between them, they were both hyper-aware of the other's presence, as though on an inherent level their bodies gravitated towards each other. They both quashed down the urge and focused instead on Buck's vacation pictures that he had taken with his high-powered camera.

Christopher immediately started commenting and asking questions about all that Buck had seen in Arizona while Eddie watched on in fondness... and no less relief at having Buck with him and Chris. He honestly had no idea where to even begin to broach... everything between him and Buck, no idea. For now Eddie just focused on Buck and Chris, and the beautiful pictures Buck took on his vacation.

When the pictures of the Grand Canyon finally showed up on the slideshow, both Christopher and Eddie were in awe, having never seen this wonder of the natural world up close.

" That is amazing." Eddie said with wide eyes at a picture Buck had taken of one of the trails that went through a cavernous channel of the canyon, the rippling red walls of river-carved stone tall and imposing, like something out of a fantasy movie. Eddie grinned unashamedly when a couple of the selfies Buck took came up.

" Bucky you can go swimming at the Grand Canyon?" Chris asked in surprise when pictures of the Havasu Falls finally came up.

" Yeah bud, it's like a natural swimming pool. I just went and dipped my feet into the water that day and then I got hungry so I walked back up to get lunch." Buck explained, leaving out the part where he had saved the life of a three year old baby girl choking on a gumball and then made a hasty exit before anyone could ask for his name.

The time passed watching the slideshow and hearing Buck's stories of what things were like in Phoenix. Before the three of them knew it, it was dinner time.

" I hope it's okay, Cap and May dropped off tons of stuff, and Chim came by with pastries from Big Sugar." Eddie explained as he got up to get everything out of the fridge and warmed up.

He watched as Buck's eyes shuttered for a moment before an awful, humorless smile came to his face as he looked up at Eddie and spoke.

" Haven't had Cap's cooking for months, now in the span of a day he and everyone else sure does want to stuff me." He said lightly, though his eyes were like ice. Eddie could only stand there with a guilty expression, already trying to come up with a contingency plan if Buck refused the food, but then Buck was deflating and the coldness left his eyes, replaced with a weary kind of warmth.

Buck wrapped his arm around Chris' shoulders and pulled him in close, earning a bright grin that instantly had Buck smiling back before he looked back at Eddie and spoke.

" What did Cap make us?" He asked softly.

" Looks like pasta, stuffed grilled chicken, even a green bean casserole... Some of your favorites." Eddie said quietly, watching as Buck sighed and then nodded with a pensive look coming over his face.

" Lemme go warm it all up." Eddie said before he made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and busied himself with getting the food warmed and the table set.

A little while later the three of them were seated at the dinner table, Christopher chatting away animatedly, still asking Buck about Phoenix and the Grand Canyon while they ate the delicious food Bobby had made. As he watched Buck smile and talk with Chris while he ate, Eddie could see that Buck's usual gusto was really lacking. Eddie couldn't blame him in the least.

Eddie felt his own stomach roil as he remembered all those family dinners with the team that he had attended, his anger at Buck justifying his agreement with Bobby to not include Buck in these wonderful gatherings. He wished he had protested, he wished he had not been so pig-headed and petty. He wished he could have done everything differently. All Eddie could do now is be better, be sorry, be there for Buck as he should have been and to whatever degree Buck would allow.

From where he sat, Buck ate the food Bobby Nash had made for him, literally tasting the ongoing regret and apology in each bite of pasta or casserole. The food was delicious and Buck had been thoroughly denied for months, but there was no denying the it was all subtly tainted with grief and guilt. Buck did his to ignore these feelings and just focus on the fact that he was here, alive, and with Eddie and Chris enjoying their first dinner together in a long time.

When the main courses were eaten, Eddie pulled out the box Chim had left them. A smile came to Eddie's face when he saw that the box was a variety of all three of their favorites, like lemon bars for Eddie himself, red velvet cupcakes for Chris, and salted caramel brownies for Buck.

They each grabbed a treat for themselves and went back into the living room to enjoy them while Eddie put a movie on, Rapunzel this time at Chris' request. Since it was Saturday Chris got some leeway regarding his bedtime. By the time the end credits rolled Chris was sleepy and content as he asked his dad if he could have a quick bath before bed.

" I'll get the dishes Eds." Buck assured. He then ducked away into the kitchen before Eddie could even part his lips to protest.

With a sigh Eddie hoisted a giggling Chris over his shoulder and went down the hallway to the bathroom to give his son the bath he wanted.

Fifteen minutes later found Chris tucked into his own bed because he had assured both his father and Buck that he felt brave enough to sleep on his own and drifting off with Eddie reclined beside him and Buck sitting over the side of the bed on Chris' other side as Eddie read from the book Buck had purchased for him in Phoenix as a gift. Chris had been over the moon at getting the book from Buck, the theme of it being a history of the Grand Canyon and how it was made. Chris was out by the time Eddie had just reached the middle of the story.

The moment Chris was asleep, Buck was getting up and heading out of the room with a quiet "I'm taking a shower" tossed over his shoulder. Eddie could only watch him go with a sigh. With Chris asleep and no longer there as a buffer, the air had instantly grown charged and awkward between them. Eddie listened as he heard Buck shuffling about down the hallway, no doubt getting sleeping clothes to change into before there was a soft click as he ducked into the bathroom.

Taking a deep breath, Eddie kissed the top of Chris' head and then quietly took his leave too. He shuffled down the hallway towards his room, his eyes lingering the on shut door of the bathroom where he could hear the faint sound of the shower running. Eddie ducked into his room, a bit surprised to see Buck's gray duffel bag still where his best friend had left it by the side of the bed. Eddie just breathed as he shuffled about his room, making his way to his dresser to pull out some sleeping clothes for himself. He picked a baggy white t-shirt and dark blue sleep pants and quickly changed.

Once he was dressed for the night, Eddie picked up his phone and sent texts to Bobby and Chim, thanking them for the food and also assuring them that Buck was ok. He got a pair of grateful replies, also revealing that Eddie was honestly the only one who had really spoken to either of them all day.

Once he was done texting, Eddie set his phone down and waited. He listened for the bathroom door to open and for Buck to exit and go to the guest room, wanting nothing more to do with Eddie for the rest of the night. Whether Evan Buckley would ever truly want anything to do with him ever again was seriously up for debate.

Eddie kept an ear out and grew alert when he distantly heard the bathroom door open, Steadying his nerve, Eddie got up and left his bedroom, expecting an empty hallway. Instead a tall, familiar figure dressed in a gray tank top and matching sweats was standing there waiting for him.

" Buck? Are you okay?" Eddie asked in concern as he closed the distance between them and came to stand before the taller man.

Buck didn't immediately reply, he just stood across from Eddie in the dim hallway as gazed at him with his blue eyes stormy. Then Buck seemed to deflate as he shook his head.

" No, no I am not." He said quietly before he took a deep breath and continued.

" I heard what you said last night Eddie." Buck said in an emotionless tone.

Eddie felt his entire body just stop, his eyes widening as his mind immediately brought up just what Eddie had said while he had assumed Buck had already drifted off.

" B-Buck... Evan I-" Eddie began to say when Buck just held up an unforgiving hand.

Eddie immediately fell silent and waited for the inevitable, for a huge chunk of his world to come crashing down in ruins around him. The next thing Eddie knew, Buck was no longer at arm's length but right there. Eddie couldn't hide the gasp that escaped him as Buck promptly leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, as he spoke.

" I love you too Edmundo, you and Christopher have become the loves of my life. You guys are it for me." Buck all but whispered before he abruptly stepped back, leaving Eddie utterly bereft of the connection they were sharing. Eddie could only watch as with tears spilling without shame from his eyes and his expression hardening like stone, Buck shook his head.

" It's just not enough Edmundo, saying it is not enough. You ripped my heart out, you were horrible, and you did it all on purpose."

Buck then turned sharply and started striding away, leaving an shell-shocked Eddie in his wake. He paused mid-step though and looked over his shoulder at the man he had just declared his love for.

" Like I said, I am not leaving either of you. There's just no easy fix to this no matter how badly we want there to be."

With that Buck strode away and disappeared into the guest room, the door shutting quietly behind him. In the silence in which Eddie now stood, Buck may as well have slammed it with all his might.

Eddie could do no more than stand there slack-jawed as his world, which had already been turned upside down just about a week ago was yet again slammed off of its axis. But even as he stood there frozen, his stunned brain still hung on to what Buck had just revealed to him.

Buck loved him back. Buck loved him back.

"Oh my." Eddie said eloquently.