Before I begin to Live

(Chexton series)

Chapter 6: The Joys of Family

"Pale pink?" Maggie asked disgusted, obviously not a fan of her choice.

"Well, I have bra sets and bodysuits, but I want some actual lingerie… in a different color," April explained.

"Why? It's just a trip?" Maggie was confused. The last few hours shopping seemed less leisurely for her friend.

"We're gonna be gone almost 10 days! I need the variety. I can't be boring." As her friend's brow furrowed, April finally accepted she was nervous- her excitement and unspoken fear making her a little spastic.

Maggie wanted to help, so she made the decision for her. "Get the coral boy short set. It'll look amazing on your skin," April turned to her waiting for confirmation. "He won't be able to keep his hands off you!" The held breath April released gave Maggie an idea of the importance of this trip.

"Ok, out with it. What's going on? You act like you've never been away with Ethan before?" Maggie asked as they stopped for lunch.

April bit her lip. "I know, but not like this. We haven't been together, together, in almost 9 months. And now we're going out of town, to New Orleans no less, for 10 days! Of course, I'm nervous."

Now Maggie understood. "April, are you saying you and Ethan haven't… you know, in all this time?" Embarrassment blanketed her friend's face.

"Mags, I know it's crazy. But since we decided to get to know the other sides of our lives, it feels like we're new people. I'm excited when we're together. We've learned so much, and we're actually sharing everything, not just our bodies." Maggie smiled at the joy and sheer happiness on April's face. "But now I'm afraid the sex won't be as good," she explained.

She'd never seen April so unsure- not really a lack of confidence, but more like she was drowning in the anticipation. "April take a breath," Maggie grabbed April's hand and made her look at her. "I know it's scary, knowing you'll be even more connected to this man. But that's what's supposed to happen in a relationship. It's what you've always wanted. Remember?" April nodded. "But if you go in trying to create a 'perfect' night, you'll ruin it. Keep in mind, you chose to take time to SEE if you could be more than good sex to each other, and you've proved that. I mean, you still WANT him, right?"

"Yes girl," April answered bashfully. "Both of us, have had to stop us from going too far. It's been cold showers and self-care, these past 9 months," she chuckled, remembering the difficulty of celibacy.

"Cold showers and self-care?" Maggie burst out laughing. "So, just let things flow. Let things move as you feel it and it'll be fine. Enjoy the time with your man," she instructed comforting her.

"Thanks Maggie. I will." As April headed home, she let Maggie's last words twirl through her mind- "your man" and she could only smile.

New Orleans had been one city she always wanted to visit, but never did. What she hadn't known it was one of Ethan's favorite places; although according to him, the city was too laid back to live in every day. So, it seemed only right to make that their first trip, "post engagement- get to know you" phase.

Ethan planned the trip, not sharing many details, but once she saw the driver holding the "Choi/Sexton" sign, she figured she better recalibrate her expectations. Ethan smiled at her shocked face. "I told you I had a plan," he stated reaching for her hand.

"So, can I know the plan or just trust you?" she asked as the door closed behind him. Ethan put his arm around her and moved so close she could feel his words dance across her lips.

"Trust me. I'll give you some details, but others will just have to be a surprise."

She couldn't contain her smile. "Ok."

After leaving the airport and passing several hotels, she wondered where they were going. "You said you were going to trust him," she thought, so she took a deep breath, rested in her man's arms, and a few minutes later followed him onto the elevator.

"My buddy from the Navy is stationed here." April stood taking in the amazing loft-style apartment. The exposed brick, wood floors, as well as the large luxury kitchen with granite countertops, together looked as if it had been ripped from a magazine. "He was deployed, so I asked if we could use his place for a couple of weeks." Ethan enjoyed April's grinning eyes, as she toured the space slowly.

One side had an office/guest room with attached bath, while the other side had a massive master suite and equally large bed.

"You like?"

"Love it," she answered, kissing him purposefully, only to have her growling stomach stop them from going any further. After laughing, he began her city tour with a late supper.

During dinner, Ethan regaled her with his previous experiences- Treme Indian parades, food in "little Vietnam", jazz and dancing on Bourbon Street. The city had a heartbeat that set the pace for Ethan's. He was more vibrant and electric here, but April noticed whenever she mentioned plans for the next day, he'd change the subject. He was hiding something. Following a relaxing walk back to the apartment, they prepared for bed. She exited the bathroom in a sexy indigo romper, expecting him to enter after her and give her time to prepare for them to share a bed. He had other plans apparently. April found the doctor walking toward her from the other bathroom, shirtless in a pair of joggers hanging loose on his hips. And as she was positive her expression showed her appreciation of him, his repetitive scanning of her expressed his.

"You look beautiful and smell divine." She giggled as he sniffed her neck, getting into bed. April followed, tentatively, as they stared at each other and began to kiss.

She was enjoying his lips on hers, but his plans for the following day had her full of angst. "I gotta tell you," she interrupted, "I'm a little nervous to meet your family tomorrow." And instantly Ethan pulled himself out of her grasp.

"It's not a big deal," he tried to assure her as he made himself comfortable on his side of the bed, "but we do need to get an early start, so why don't we turn in?"

April was confused by his abrupt change in behavior. He WAS hiding something and that gave her no peace. After a couple of hours, April couldn't keep tossing and turning, and left the bed. Ethan later joined her on the balcony.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked, her eyes darting quickly to him.

"Ethan, what are you hiding from me? And don't try to tell me you aren't. Anytime I bring up meeting your family, you change. We've worked so hard to get to this point, don't ruin it now. What's going on?"

He took a deep breath and braced himself. "I'm taking you to meet my family… the family I chose." April didn't follow. "Tomorrow is the Townsend's- Cicely's parents, 39th Wedding Anniversary. They're having a big family gathering and invited me to come." Her shock terrified him. He couldn't lose her behind this. "Ms. T invited me and asked me to bring you. They want to meet you. When you said you always wanted to visit New Orleans, and then Kent was deployed, it was like everything lined up for this to happen." Ethan looked at her hoping for a change in expression, but nothing. "If you're uncomfortable, we don't have to go. I'll go visit them and then come back to resume our vacation." April got up slowly and went to bed without a word. She had no idea how to feel, but knew not to decide or say anything tired and in shock. He'd just have to wait for her response.

April opened her eyes slowly, as the morning light trickled in, expecting Ethan to immediately want an answer. However, she found an empty bed, a quiet apartment, and no Ethan. How could he just leave, without telling her? Why was it ok to drop a bomb and then get mad at her for thinking about it? The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. She had too much self-respect to stay and be treated like an afterthought. So, she'd shower, pack, and go home understanding this was the end.

When she emerged from the bathroom, there was Ethan- back from a run with fresh pastries and coffee. "Hey, I thought I'd pick up some breakfast," he replied tentatively, but she just stared. As he moved closer, he could see tears streaking her face. "April, what's wrong?" She tried to say something, but it seemed caught in her throat. "Hey, hey," he attempted to soothe her, "Are you ok?" She clung to his arm as he sat her down on the bed.

The lady gathered herself, thoughts, and feelings, so she could be honest and clear in her words. "Ethan, I was afraid you left, because I didn't give you an answer last night and that pissed me off." His countenance fell at her admission. "But then you were here," she stated beginning to sob lightly, "You'd thought about me and got us food and coffee. You didn't leave me!"

"No, never. I'm sorry. I should've told you I was stepping out," he apologized.

"Don't. I overreacted. I guess I'm scared because we're here to see Cicely's family and I'm not sure how I'll fit in."

"Well, I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. But I didn't bring you here just to meet them. I wanted to take you somewhere you've always wanted to go. And if you don't want to meet them, it's fine. I'll have a quick visit and then we can enjoy the rest of our trip."

April knew what she wanted to do. "Look, I'm not going to lie and say I'm excited to meet them, but I am happy you want to share this part of your life with me. And if it's important to you for me to meet them, then I will." Ethan's dimpled smile was on full display. "Just don't leave me alone, ok? I'm not sure I'll be ready to be on my own with the family of the woman my man loved." She chuckled at how absurd that sounded, but Ethan knew what she meant.

"My family. And I won't leave you alone… ever. Trust me, they'll love you and I think you'll like them too." She nodded and pulled out a different outfit, now she wasn't leaving New Orleans.

The music, dancing, and laughter echoing through the air, made her feel like she was walking into a festival not a barbeque. Although, it would've been more elaborate, she saw what Ethan meant about the similarities between the Townsends and the Sextons. April could feel the love and comradery. Elders held in high esteem, while kids chased each other, and little toddlers experiencing their first steps without help. It was picturesque, yet familiar, and for the first time today, April felt like Ethan may have been right- she may like them after all.

"Choi!" the voice reverberated above the music and stopped them in their tracks. The couple turned to see an older swanky couple moving their way. The man was elegant and dapper, in a pair of linen pants and crisp white button down. The woman, a Harlem Renaissance type beauty with a bohemian sass, was reminiscent of the women in her own family. Cicely looked just like her mother.

"Mr. T!" Ethan shouted, leading April toward them. "Ms. T!" They were all so thrilled to see each other. April took a breath remembering, she'd never met a stranger and she wouldn't today. So, April straightened her back and smiled securely in who she was.

"Ethan," the woman spoke with love as she embraced him firmly. The way he 'rested' in her arms was something she hadn't seen him do with anyone but her. It was nice. Suddenly, April looked down to see the cutest baby boy, wanting to be picked up. His wide grin and deep dimples made her think of what her and Ethan's son would've looked like. Turning with the toddler on her hip, she realized Ethan had begun their introductions.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. He grabbed me, and I couldn't help it. Hi, I'm April. April Sexton." She extended her hand to Mr. Townsend first, who greeted her warmly with a smile and nod. But Ms. T's embrace, made her feel welcomed.

"Oh, my dear, you're beautiful! I'm so glad you came. I know it may be awkward, but I had to meet the woman who'd made my boy so happy." She smiled, pinching Ethan's cheeks.

"Well, thank you for inviting me. I feel privileged to meet his extended family. You all mean a great deal to him." After some small talk, the little one's mother came to retrieve her bundle, and Ms. T began introducing April to the rest of Ethan's family.

During the ride back, resting and lightly scratching his chest, April reflected on the wonders of the day. She had met Ethan's extended family, Cicely's family, and felt like she was home. They were gracious and welcoming, and all apparently thrilled Ethan had found someone to love… and someone to love him. She smiled remembering Mr. Townsend's gratitude, when he told her he knew now his Cicely could rest in peace, because Ethan had found love again. And Mrs. Townsend hugging her tightly, thanking her for helping Ethan grow past his hurt and living again, made her heart burst with pride. Their willingness to love each other, and work to grow together and stronger, had changed their lives for the better- and it was visible. As the day went on, April felt more and more like a welcomed relative, and not a complete stranger, but when Cicely's grandmother (the one who adored Ethan and his dimples) hugged her and said she was happy to have another beautiful granddaughter, April couldn't help but cry. When she had met Ethan's parents a couple of months ago, she left feeling like a visitor. But today, when they left the Townsend's party, she was family- Ethan's family, and that just felt right.

"So…?" Ethan asked as they laid facing each other in bed.

"I can see why you love them." He just smiled nodding.

"They kind of pull you in, right? I told you, they're a lot like your family," he chuckled.

Giggling she had to agree. "I thought that too. When Mr. and Mrs. T, thanked me for loving you and helping you live again," she replied as she pulled his hand to her chest. "I really felt accepted. But when Cicely's grandmother told me she was happy to have another beautiful granddaughter, I felt like family. All I could do was cry." Ethan stared at her with a gleam in his eye. "Are you happy?" she asked.

Shaking his head, he paused to compose himself. "Honestly, today, was so great. I got to introduce the woman I love to the family I loved, and they loved you too. What else can I ask for?"

"I could think of a couple of things," she smirked, "but I'm too tired to do any of them," she giggled. "I'm not even going to ask what you've got planned for the rest of the trip, but one thing you have to add now- GiGi says she better see me again before we leave." Kissing him passionately, April rolled with his arm draped over her and fell asleep curved into his body.

The feel of her backside rubbing against him, abruptly aroused Ethan awake and elsewhere. They hadn't made love in months and having her beside him was making going slow hard. He'd messed up the possibility their first night, but now, after such a peaceful sleep, his urges weren't dormant anymore. His lady love seemed to respond as he trailed his hands down her thighs and kissed her neck. The gentle sleepy moans aroused him more, but she was still sleep. However, when she pushed back into him and his body responded, her eyes popped open, realizing it hadn't been a dream. Engulfed in passionate kisses and caresses, the couple allowed themselves to go wherever the mood took them… until he grazed her breast. Once he grazed her breast and began to inch up her nightie, April hesitated. She was enjoying it, but her nervous energy got the best of her and Ethan noticed.

"Please don't stop. I'm sorry. It's been so long and I'm a little nervous," she tried to explain. She didn't want him to misunderstand- this wasn't about him. She's the one with the issues.

"Look I want you, obviously," alluding to his noticeable aroused state, "but we have time. I don't want you nervous or scared. And I don't want you doing it because you know it's what I want." He lifted her chin for eye contact. "I want it to be your choice. Your decision- not influenced by anything but your feelings for me. And if that happens while we're here, then so be it. If not, I'll still be in love with you. Got it?" She nodded relieved, but definitely in need of a cold shower.

The next few days in New Orleans was planned perfectly. Ethan had taken her to the Treme- the oldest African-American neighborhood in the country, and it didn't disappoint. They went to local museums, where she was introduced to the Mardi Gras Indians and traditions; the House Museum honoring New Orleans Free People of Color; and music and dancing at Congo Square in Armstrong Park. And the piece of resistance, a tour of St. Augustine Catholic church- the oldest African American parish in the country, after a quick lunch at Willie Mae's Scotch house. The days had been magical, yet the nights had been pretty tame. However, according to Dr. Choi, the fun wasn't over. On Wednesday, after a tour of "little Vietnam", his instructions were clear. She was allowed a small rejuvenating nap, but then needed to get dressed for dinner and dancing.

Dinner at Dooky's Chase restaurant had been phenomenal, but April needed to work off the decadent calories. Ethan smiled at her suggestion, as they headed to Café Brasil for salsa dancing. It was another thing April never knew- Ethan could salsa! His lithe frame moved with ease and kept in step with his partner. April was happier than she had been in a very long time, but when the music slowed, she felt something else. Although her bond with Ethan was still there, she'd been pushing down her lustful feelings, wanting them to concentrate on true intimacy. However, as their bodies were pressed against each other, April couldn't fight her urges any longer, and kissed Ethan passionately. When he initially didn't respond, she thought she may have misread the situation, but when he deepened the kiss and stroked her butt, the fire was fanned. Their reunion was so consuming, they were forgetting where they were. But when her leg grazed the top of his hip, Ethan froze and dragged her from the club. "Ethan," she questioned trying to keep up with his swift pace, "is everything ok? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, I got carried away." As she apologized, Ethan stopped abruptly to face her.

"Carried away?" April was confused by his question. "Do you regret what happened in there?" he inquired.

"No, I don't. I thought you may have?"

Pulling her into him, Ethan whispered "I only regret we're so far from the apartment." A sly smirk crossed his lips and the butterflies began to dance again in her stomach. Stolen kisses, sweet caresses, and a little dirty talk, may have fanned the smoldering flames, but crossing the threshold was like adding gasoline. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. Desperate kisses, eager touches, all exploded over them.

The trickling drops from the shower rained on her as she fondly remembered how Ethan showered his love on her. She thought it would feel differently, because it'd been so long, but it was better because of the intimacy. She remembered how his eyes worshipped her body, when he gently unbuttoned her dress and allowed it to fall to the ground. The electrical surges she felt when his mouth kissed and nibbled her body, while his fingers manipulated every cavern known only to him, made April feel like she was rushing down from the top of a rollercoaster. Ethan had learned about her and her insecurities and adored her in a way that gave her confidence in his love for her. He loved her completely and she wanted him to know how much she loved him. She returned the adoration, as he was stripped of clothing, and draped in her licks and kisses. April tasted her doctor with a new appreciation, like the second time tasting a brand of wine- only this time it was allowed to breathe before she drank it. And that they did. They drank so much of each other that all they tasted in their kisses was their new wine. Their limbs and breath were so Intertwined and entangled, their reflection no longer showed 2 individuals, but rather 1 love. A love more intense and profoundly experienced than ever before. It was like her flower bloomed as he entered her garden, and only wanted to blossom more as he spread his seed. She opened up and he poured himself out, creating an oasis both could dwell and find refuge in. They were now each other's safe place, in every way, no longer 2, but truly 1. Memories of their night, and morning, had April entranced, so much so she didn't notice the fingers gliding across her hip. It took her a minute to realize the fingers weren't hers, but her other half's- her quiet warrior. "Ummm, can I help you soldier?" she asked turning to face him.

"No ma'am. Just checking to see if you needed any help," his lascivious grin sent a chill down her back… and up her thighs. "I have more planned for our trip."

"Don't you worry about me officer. I'll be ready for anything you throw at me," she answered cheekily leaving the shower dripping wet. "The question is," she started peeking over her shoulder, "whether or not you're ready for what I'll throw at you." And with that she removed her towel and threw it at him, while she slow dragged her glistening body to the bed.

The remaining days of their trip didn't permit them much sun. One day it rained non-stop outside… and inside the apartment. Plans for other days were shortened for more time inside. It was like the dam had been broken and all they hungered for was each other. Their skin; their smell; their taste; their unrestrained moans and joyous climaxes- they wanted it all! The relationship they always thought they had, was finally alive and well and Ethan and April planned to enjoy every breath of their new life together. Their last afternoon in town, they had to go out, as GiGi wanted to spend some time with them before they left. The fried chicken, potato salad, cabbage, and homemade cornbread, set their mouths to water. Ms. GiGi had grown up in the south, but her husband had the creole blood- so the meal was a soul food dream. It reminded April of when Ms. Marguerite would could cook for them. The Townsends joined them and April got to know her new family better, amidst the laughter and jokes. However, after a few hours, their joy would come to an end- she and Ethan had to get back to prepare to leave. While Ethan said his final good-byes to the Townsends, April shared her last good-bye with GiGi. "Oh, I love you April," the older woman said as she hugged her tightly.

"I love you too GiGi," but before April could step away, GiGi whispered something in her ear. April's face fell into a melancholy somberness, but before she could give her rebuttal, GiGi cut her off. "Just remember what I said," she instructed as she shewed April on her way.

That night, April made love to him like she was clawing at some unknown barrier, trying to make them even closer. The desperation was unusual, but it revealed a vulnerability Ethan hadn't been privy to before, even since being in New Orleans. She was breaking down walls he hadn't known was there, and it excited him for what could be. But when they were boarding, Ethan didn't see the joy he had the previous night. April's face was almost sad. "Hey, you ok?" He asked as they sat down.

"Huh? Oh yeah," she paused. "It's just that GiGi reminded me of my grandmother- my father's mom, Nona. She died right before we moved to the states. I didn't have grandmothers growing up, but with Ms. Marguerite and now, GiGi, I'm just grateful." She smiled and gently pecked his lips. "Maybe next year we can come back," she suggested.

"Maybe," he answered happily, knowing she saw them as he did- with a future.