Code: RESTRICTED (Complete Series)

by OfficiallyWrong

ATTENTION EARTH: The aging virus is beginning to spread to other planets. We cannot allow you to travel throughout the galaxy and contaminate the rest of the universe. Therefore. The planet Earth has been quarantined until further notice. You are no longer permitted to travel outside of your own atmosphere. If you do, there will be dire consequences. -UNO-

6. HEIST

Chapter Summary: To break through the Earth's atmosphere, Abby leads a mission to steal a spaceship from her old nemeses and discovers that Father's past operations were far more insidious than she, or anyone in the KND, expected.

---

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: H.E.I.S.T.

Harrowing

Espionage

Is

Stealing

Transportation

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned

by Tom Warburton and Cartoon network

Episode 6

"Um..." Hoagie drummed his fingers over his hat, his eyes glued to the map that Abby had drawn out for them. Wally and Kuki huddled around him, trying to envision all of their possibilities while Hoagie was more concerned about finding an escape route. "Well, there's always the plumbing."

Wally scrunched his nose. "No way. That's disgusting."

Hoagie frowned. "Okay, then. Since you're obviously the expert, you find an evacuation route."

Abby leaned onto the side of the tunnel, picking the dirt out of her nails. "We're wastin' time," she said calmly. "Just forget about it and let's go already."

Hoagie's chest puffed up. "You want to waltz right into the house of your mortal enemy, steal a space ship, and you think we're just gonna walk out of there scott-free? Don't be cocky, Abigail. We need an escape plan."

"Abby's never cocky," Abby assured him. "And since when do you follow plans?"

"I'm a scientist," he said, pushing up his glasses. "I never do anything without a defined procedure."

Abby huffed. "Yeah. Says the kid who ran into a den of nerd zombies to save some stupid tradin' card."

Hoagie glowered. "That couldn't have happened."

Abby walked by him with a knowing smirk. "Sorry, Baby. But you ain't an authority on what did and didn't happen." Hoagie's face grew darker.

Kuki shrugged. "She's got ya there."

"C'mon. Sooner we get off this planet, the sooner we end this mess," she called back. She started to climb up the ladder up to where the tunnel let out into the street. Wally and Kuki followed.

"Abigail!" Hoagie protested. "We can't just walk in there! It's too dangerous! What if we get caught?" She ignored him. "We need to be smart about this!"

Abby stopped climbing, hanging down from the top like a kid on the monkey bars. "All this and you still don't trust me?" She grinned. "That's cute."

"C-cute?" Hoagie's cheeks were slightly pinker than usual. "You think it's cute that you're walking into a death trap with no plan, hardly any weapons, and...us?" He turned to Wally and Kuki. "N-no offense." They didn't seem to take any. "I don't find torture cute, Abigail! I don't find prison cute! And I especially don't find abandoning my brother in the hands of a crazed lunatic cute!"

Abby jumped down, nearly four feet from the top, landing right in front of Hoagie. She pulled out her pointer finger, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Listen here, Sugar."

Hoagie pouted. "Don't do that."

"I've been a Kids Next Door operative most'a my entire life," she stated. "I've fought the Delightful Children more times than countable. I know that mansion like I know my own Mama. Every weapon, every camera, every trap, every hallway, every room, every picture on every wall. If a bolt is moved, rest assured, I'm the first to hear about it. You think I'm just gonna let us walk into a danger zone unprotected? You think I'm that careless?" Hoagie felt himself starting to shrivel as Abby's stern eyes locked on him. "I am the leader of this team. If I thought we needed a back-up plan, I would have one. I promise you that."

Hoagie flattened his face. "Okay, geez."

Abby's eyes narrowed in his direction before turning to her map.

Wally snickered. "Oooh boy. Smell that? Your ass just got burned."

"Like rubber on a tire!" Kuki chimed in.

"Hey-oh!" They high-fived each other, clearly in a much more optimistic position about this whole theft thing.

"Thanks, guys," Hoagie said grimly. "Real supportive."

Abby rolled up the map, setting it down next to the food. "You ready? It's now or never."

"Alright!" Kuki cheered. "Let's go steal a rocket ship!" She started to climb the ladder to the surface. "Rocket ship, Sanban!"

"Star Man, Beatles!" Wally called after her.

Kuki's face soured. "Aww, yours is better."

Hoagie's face lit up. "Oh! I've got-" Suddenly, he froze, as though the wind had knocked the air right out of him. Sweat began to pour down his neck as his cheeks flushed. 'C'mon, Hoagie', he thought to himself. 'They're starting to like you. Don't ruin it with one of your stupid jokes.' The team turned to look at him as he let out a nervous laugh, his hand reaching behind to scratch his neck. "I've got...a...an idea!" He looked around, his eye catching the map Abby had drawn. "We should take the map. Even though Abigail knows the area, we should have it in case we get separated."

Wally nodded. "Good plan."

But Abby looked at him skeptically. "That all?"

Hoagie continued to scratch the back of his neck. "Yep! That's all! No comments. You can take it from here. I mean, I'll take the map and you take the mission...I mean you could take the map but that would kind of defeat the purpose so-" He felt his foot catch onto an untied shoelace, causing him to crash into the ground. But he smiled and laughed it off. "You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up!"

He waited until they all filed up through to the street. When they had gone, he allowed himself to sink further into the ground, his face with it. He stood up, picking up the backpack he set on the ground. Rolling up the map, he stuffed it in next to his brother's goggles and the weapon Abby gave him, which he hadn't taken out of the bag since she gave it to him. He pulled out the weapon: something Abby had called a S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.:

Kids Next Door: S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R.

Solid

Pine

Loaded

Artillery

Nicely

Kicks

Enemy

Rear

To him, it looked more like an enlarged kitchen tool, but he supposed it was better than having no weapon at all. What he didn't understand was why she gave the close-range weapon to him, a guy who had the athleticism of a freshly baked potato. He sighed. She seemed to know what she was doing. He just hoped that it would be enough.

---

It took all of Kuki's might not to squeal with excitement when she saw the Delightful Children's mansion. The entire thing looked like a giant cake, with beautiful oranges and blues swirled like icing on its walls and rooftops. Wally found the house's lavishness to be in poor taste, decked out and groomed in only the way money could buy. He wanted to vomit, but seeing Kuki this happy, he had to admit, kind of made him happy too. Abby lead them through a back entrance, which she wasn't surprised still accepted the same code as it did years before. She went first, checking around every corner. Finally, she saw a large chair, its winged back turned toward them. She told her team to hold off, listening to the collective sigh which came from the other end. They were there, alright. The Delightful Children From Down The Lane.

She gestured the others to tiptoe alongside her, waving them through. There didn't seem to by any guards around the place, which was peculiar. Perhaps they thought that their work was finished now that the rest of the kids of the world had been taken. Abby stepped into the next room, relieved when she saw the door she was looking for.

"This way," she whispered.

Wally kept cringing. "What kind of self-respectin' super villain lives in a place like this?" he mocked. "It looks like a fuckin' dollhouse."

Hoagie shuddered. "Let's just hope we don't run into the dolls."

Abby opened the door to reveal a steep staircase. The team filed in quickly and she shut the door behind them. This area was different from everywhere else in the mansion: sleek and modern with a large open window which projected astrological images into its surface.

"Now this," Wally announced. "Is a super villain lair."

"It's lovely," Kuki said, her eyes sparkling. She pulled out a disposable camera, which she took from the store, snapping a picture.

Wally rolled his eyes. "Will you knock it off? We're on a mission here!"

Kuki stuck out her lip. "It's for my blog," she boasted.

"Kuki!" Wally was about at the end of his rope. "There ain't no more blogs or internet or bloody anything! Don't you get that?"

"Well, duh. I mean after we save the world!" She grinned. "Say cheese!" Wally covered his face as Kuki tried to snap a picture of him. Her smile contorted back into a frown. "You never let me take your picture. I just have the one of you as my background and you're barely even in it. Just your forehead from when you ducked to try and get out!"

"I'm covered in dirt!"

"So?" She shuffled her feet, finding her smile again. "We're making memories."

"Yo," Abby called from the other room. She and Hoagie had already gone on ahead. "Sam and Diane. Get yo' asses in here."

Kuki cocked her head to the side. "Who?"

Wally shook his head. "I don't get it."

"I bet it's an inside joke." She turned back, snapping more pictures. "Just a few more..."

"You're an inside joke..." Wally whispered under his breath before getting a well-deserved light clock in the head from Kuki's S.P.I.C.E.R. gun.

Kids Next Door: S.P.I.C.E.R.:

Stingy

Pepper

Infused

Cannon

Enflames

Retinas

---

Abby walked up to the computer, which was a giant flat-screen monitor over a desk. "Perfect," she grumbled. "Just when I think those two are finally gonna start takin' things seriously..." She started to scan the area for the weapons storage unit, one that she knew existed but had never actually been to. Thankfully, it had never come to that.

"You're a Cheers fan?" Hoagie asked nonchalantly, his eyes wandering around the room.

"Huh? Oh. Not exactly," Abby said. "My daddy watches it. It's his favorite white show. He's seen every one."

"White show?"

"Show for white people," Abby stated simply.

Hoagie scratched his neck, feeling stupid. "R-Right."

Abby didn't let the silence linger. "You like it?"

"Oh, uh...I mean I don't really watch it. My mom, she likes it, but she watches everything," Hoagie admitted. "Find anything?"

"No, not yet." Abby continued to work, her eyes glued to the monitor as she spoke. "Tryin' to get past the security." She didn't hesitate before continuing. "I don't really watch tv anymore. Not leisurely, anyway. Gotta keep up with the popular trash, but mostly if it's got a plot I just read the Wikipedia page and recap articles." She leaned her cheek on her hand, pressing up against the desk. "Guess I'd like to see Game of Thrones." She smiled. "Anything but Rainbow Monkeys."

Hoagie scrunched his eyebrows. "Rainbow Monkeys?"

She sighed. "Never mind."

Hoagie walked around the edge of the sanctum, trying out the doors, which were unsurprisingly locked. "I wonder what he keeps in here? It doesn't seem like very efficient storage." Abby was focused now on the monitor and didn't answer. Hoagie turned the last door handle.

He froze as the door swung open, leaving behind a pitch-black room.

He really had to stop opening strange doors.

"...Abigail..." He called to her, not bothering to look back.

"I almost got it. Hold on," Was her response.

Hoagie shook his head. "The door is open," was all he managed to say.

Abby turned around. "What do you mean the door is open?" She stopped cold as she saw Hoagie standing in front of a large metal door, swung wide as though calling them inside.

"I mean..." Hoagie quivered as he pointed to the dark room. "T-The door...is open."

"Wally! Kuki! Get in here!" Abby shouted.

Hoagie folded his hands, wringing them as his breath started to grow heavier. "W-what do we do?" Abby didn't say anything but walked straight past him into the room. "Abigail!" He looked around frantically, not seeing Wally and Kuki on their way inside. With much apprehension, he followed Abby into the room. He didn't get far, however, before he bumped right into her again. "What is it?" Hoagie asked. Wally and Kuki appeared behind.

"What's in here?" Wally asked as he flipped on the light switch. The four froze, unable to digest what they were seeing.

The area was like a museum, old weapons put on high glass display cases, their names inscribed in gold plates beneath them. Kuki stiffened as her eyes gravitated to the walls, all of them looking at the gigantic framed photo on the wall. It looked like a shrine. Wally noticed Abby staring at the image, as though she were in a trance.

"That's...extremely disturbing," Hoagie stated.

Wally studied the picture. "Who's the bald kid?"

The image of an eleven-year-old boy with no hair, a red turtleneck sweater, and black round sunglasses stared back at them. Was this one of Father's children? Wally shuddered. Talk about favoritism.

Abby turned away from the picture. "No one. Let's see if we can get any weapons." Her eyes scanned the room, suddenly stopping. To the other's surprise, her face lit up, her brows lifting slightly. Without a word, she moved away from the others.

She walked through the museum of artifacts, most of them old and untouched for years. The others followed, having slightly more difficulty navigating the space. They called to her, waved at her, but nothing got her attention. Finally, she stopped in front of a case in the far corner. She stood and stared at the object for a good thirty seconds before they heard it. A snigger, and then a chuckle, and finally hysterical laughter. She jumped around, the excitement wanting to burst through her eyes.

"Abby?" Kuki asked, clinging to Wally. "You okay? You're scaring me."

"I'm better than okay, Kuki!" She gasped. "Abby is better than everything!"

Wally leaned in and whispered. "I think she's finally lost it."

"This is it..." Abby said. "This is the answer to all of our problems!" She stepped back and showed them the item which captivated her attention. They gathered around it, their eyes scanning it over and over again. It was pointless. None of them knew what they were supposed to be looking at. All they could see was a small wooden box.

Hoagie smirked. "The answer to all of our problems..." he mused. "What is it? A time machine?"

But Abby shook her head, grabbing him by the collar. "It's better than a time machine!" she squealed. "It's our victory."

---

Abby gestured to the box for her teammates to see. She knew they didn't know what it was, but she didn't care. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the glass up from around it, resting it delicately on the ground. No alarms went off, but even if they did there was nothing they could do now. She picked up the box, bringing it closer to her. Hoagie mentioned something about not touching things, but she wasn't listening. Her mind was racing, her cheeks red with excitement. They didn't get it, but they would soon. In a short while, all of this would just go back to being a bad dream.

"Well, if it's not a time machine," Wally thought hard. "It's gotta be a weapon."

Hoagie shook his head. "That doesn't seem right."

"Course it's not a weapon!" Abby said. "Look at it!"

"Then what is it!" Wally insisted. She could tell he was sick of asking that question.

"It's too hard to explain," she said. "But Abby'll show you." She stepped toward him, holding out her hand. "I just need a piece of DNA. Wally. Gimmie a bugger."

Wally turned white. "What?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "You said you wanted to know what it was!"

But Wally shook his head ferociously. "No fuckin' way. You do it!"

"It won't work if I do it!" she snapped back, moving closer. "Please-"

"No!"

"Wally-"

"Get away from me you sicko!" He ran behind Kuki. "Only five-year-olds pick their noses."

Kuki groaned. "I'll give you one of mine-" She went to go pick her nose, but Wally's girlish squeals stopped her.

"Kuki!" Wally shuddered. "Don't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because! It's gross!" He moved away from his girlfriend. "I can't be with a girl who picks her nose! That's crossin' way too many lines!" Kuki stuck her finger up her nose, yanking out a bugger. Wally squealed again as she waved it around. "Kuki! Put it back! I'm serious!"

"Wally's afraid of buggers!" She teased.

"Am not!"

"Are too!" She edged him further away from the others, Wally backing up as fast as he could.

"Keep away!" He screamed. Kuki's lips curled up into a menacing grin, waving her finger around. "Don't come any closer!"

Smash! Wally's back ran into a pillar, sending it careening down to the floor, shattering the glass.

"Oh fuck."

"Time to go." Abby said, taking the box with her and darting up the stairs. The others followed briskly, closing the door to the secret room.

Abby ran to the computer, typing in the code to access Father's files. They all crowded around the screen in anticipation. Finally, the screen unlocked, pages and pages of files shown on the screen.

"This hard drive's a mess," Hoagie derogated.

Abby moved the mouse up to the top of the screen, clicking on the search button. "Don't matter. We know what we're looking for."

She typed in the words 'rocket access code.'

Kuki held Wally's arm. "You don't think they heard the crash, do you?"

Wally grimaced. "I ain't stickin' around to find out."

"Got it! Artillery access password."

Wally stared at the screen. "BenniAndTheJets," he read aloud. "Oh, great. He's a comedian too."

"Okay, we got it!" Kuki said, pulling on Wally. "Let's get out of here."

"Wait," Abby shouted, stopping them. "There's somethin' I wanna check first." She cleared the search history and wrote 'child maturation machine'. Many files appeared. "This might be the only chance for us to see what Father is really up to."

"Won't they have this on the ship too?" Kuki asked, impatiently.

Abby shook her head. "He's not that stupid. Father keeps all his back up files in servers around the country, guarded 24/7. His home computer is the least protected of these. No one would dare try'n steal from the Delightful Children from Down the Lane."

Hoagie sighed. "And yet, here we are."

"Abby look!" Kuki pointed to one of the files, which appeared to be a video. "There. Paradise Retirement. Like the billboard."

Click.

The screen went black for a few minutes. Father's face popped up after a while, grinning goofily as the film rolled. A sickeningly peppy song played in the background.

"Well, hi!" Father said, pretending to be coy. "Didn't see you there. My name is Father, your Supreme Leader for life. Say, are you tired of working? Tired of coming home to a boring old house and a boring old life, trying to make ends meet? Do you ever just want to retire early? Well, thanks to our new system, Adults can retire as young as age 30 with all the benefits! How is that possible you ask? Haha well...I'll show you!" The scene changed, now showing a hallway filled with blue tubes. "Thanks to our newest state of the art technology, your kids can be raised to be smart, upstanding Adults without you even having to lift a finger! We'll take your kids and raise them until they're 13 years old. The Child Maturation Program will take care of all that pesky parenting nonsense. And all those tax dollars paying for schools? A thing of the past, my friends! We will give every child the unique education that they need from birth with no fee and no taxes!" The scene switched again, this time to a dull office building. Teenagers were shown walking around, filing papers and talking on the phone. "Once a child has matured to a proper age, he or she will be a teenager. Society doesn't pay for itself, you know! Your teen will be assessed by their gifts or talents and placed into a job based on these things. Say goodbye to unemployment, folks, because with every human from the ages 13-30 working 18 hours every day, that's enough to pay for their entire future! No need for college or specialty training! All teens will be programed with exactly what they need to succeed thanks to our hearty education system!"

"Oh fuck that!" Wally couldn't help but cry out.

"But wait! You're probably wondering what you'll be doing all of this time? Well, all that work is going to pay off my friends when you reach the age of 30! Young people do the work, so us real Adults get to reap the benefits. Which is why you should invest in Father's Paradise Retirement, where Adults can relax, play golf, get expensive travel tickets, all for free! That's right! Free! Just prove that you're over 30 and we'll give you the life you've always dreamed of! It's the deal of the century, people! And it's yours today! Or else..." Father's face flashed back on screen. "So come on...oh...shoot...dag-nabbit you dropped the...no, no there...okay So come on down to Father's Paradise Retirement. Where the Adults play, and the kids stay away!" He glared at the camera. "You better edit that out."

The screen cut to black. Silence filled the room.

"Well," Kuki was the first to speak. "At least we know what he's up to now."

"I'm outta here." Wally said, walking away. "So done. So fucking done."

"Wally!" Kuki called after him. She looked back at Abby, then at Wally's now disappearing back. "I'm so sorry," she said, bowing to Abby before running after her boyfriend. "Wally! Wallabee! You can't just wander off by yourself..."

Abby sighed. "Man. Can ya really blame him?"

"Hey. Move over for a second," Hoagie said, setting down his weapon and leaning over the keyboard. Abby did this. "This has information about the TEENZ too, right?"

Abby stiffened. "Y-yeah."

"Excellent," he said. He didn't seem too startled by the movie like the others were. Maybe all of this was just too common for him now. "You can go ahead, I'll just be a minute." He went up to the corner search button and began typing.

Abby grabbed his wrist. "What're you doin'? We gotta go."

"This'll just take a second." He proceeded to type his name into the server. "When you first approached me, I thought it had something to do with the information I had been collecting for the science fair. Information on memory and brainwave stimulation. The TEENZ have been fucking with me for years. I used to think they just destroyed it as a prank, but now I'm thinking maybe they've been stealing it and using it. If I can find my latest project, we may be able to use it somehow."

Abby released him, her chest growing tight. "L-Look. It's probably not there. And even if it was, there'd be no way to transfer the data to-" Hoagie pulled a flash drive out of his pocket and set it on the counter. His Boy Scout level preparedness was certainly something to be admired. "Hoagie, wait. There's somethin'..." Abby felt the sweat accumulate on her brow. If he didn't find the file he was looking for, he would start to get suspicious. He would start asking questions. Questions Abby was not ready to answer.

"What's this?" His tone had completely changed from determination to confusion. Abby looked at the screen as he clicked on the first file in the list that popped up under his name.

"I dunno," she said. She meant it.

The file came up. It was a simple spreadsheet, with names listed in alphabetical order along with their photos and ages. Names were either highlighted in red or black. Most of them were red. Next to the red names were links to another document. Hoagie's brows lifted with recognition. Strangely, he did not find his name. He clicked on the closest red link, wondering if he had made a mistake. A screen popped up showing a line graph. He followed the pattern, tracing it with his eyes. The line moved up, wavering until it hit its peak, and then plummeted steeply back down. However, there were only numbers on each of the axes with no labels to speak of. Hoagie huffed out a 'huh' before exiting out of it and clicking on the next one.

It was the same.

The graph had a steeper incline, but the model was completely identical.

"What in the world..."

It was the same with every name he clicked on. Each chart was slightly different, but they all followed the same progression and general curve.

"Amber Scott," Abby whispered.

He moved down the list locating the name. Sure enough, it was there in red. The graph similar to the others. "Who is she?"

"According to the TND's files, she's not supposed to exist," Abby said.

"Why would they have data for somebody who doesn't exist?"

Hoagie scrolled down to the bottom of the page, exited out, and clicked on a second link at the bottom of the first page. In big bold letters was the code EXP395FBN. Abby peered over his shoulder. He looked at her briefly. She nodded, allowing him to continue.

Click.

Their faces scrunched as the blue light of the screen flashed over their eyes. Hundreds of files popped up on screen, the foremost launching itself in front of them. Abby read the first few sentences and turned around. She held her stomach, nauseous at the sight.

"Experiment 395 of the Brain Wave frequency test. Electricity exposure- 200 volts," Hoagie read from the page. His voice hovered at the base of his range, speaking as though he were reading and explaining at the same time. "As usual, the acceleration caused massive protrusions in the brain. Subject could not withstand treatment for more than a couple minutes at a time. Therefore, ineffective for the final goal. The subjects tested have yielded similar results. Day one: no effect. Day two: no effect. Day three: mild protrusion. Day four: loss of appetite and enamel decay-"

Abby pulled on his arm. "Okay. That's enough."

But Hoagie didn't listen. He nudged her off, continuing to read. "Day five: Deeper protrusions. Day six: Enhanced pain. Day seven: Tissue decay. Day eight: Extreme pain and organ failure. Day nine: Memory loss. Day ten: Some signs of cancer. Day eleven: Brittle bones and hair loss. Day twelve: Complete organ shut down. Day thirteen: ...unresponsive." He finally stopped, his breathing getting heavy. "Abby, what is this?"

Abby still couldn't look. It was worse than she had feared. There was no doubt in her mind that the teens on the list were the missing scientists from the TND case files.

"Maybe it's not what you think-"

Hoagie clicked on a link below, taking it back to the list they had been looking at earlier, proving his argument for him. She checked the screen for a half second before turning again.

She swallowed. Hoagie had already put the pieces together. Joe's words, Abby's refusal to tell him what was going on, everything was becoming clear for him. Before she could formulate a response, he spoke again.

"Is that what's going to happen?"

Abby swung back around, facing him. His entire body was shaking. She grabbed his arms off of the desk and pulled them away from the computer towards her. "No. Nothin' like that is gonna happen to you. You hear me?"

But Hoagie's eyes wouldn't leave the screen, red with tears of paralyzing fear. He quivered, so much that Abby felt her body rumbling with him. His breathing got heavier and heavier.

But Abby stayed firm. "Look," she said, her tone gentle. "I know you don't exactly trust me. I don't blame you. You're scared and confused. Everythin's changin' and nothin' makes sense. It's a lot to take in. I get it." She pulled him in closer. "But you gotta have enough faith to know I got your back, okay? Tell me at the very least you believe that."

Hoagie shut his eyes, forcing his face away from the screen. He nodded a bit frantically before saying "Yes."

WARNING

INTRUDER ALERT

INVALID ACCESS CODE

COMMENCING EMERGENCY SHUT DOWN

"God dammit!" Abby shouted as the metal doors started to close around them.

"What's hap-"

Abby yanked Hoagie underneath the desk clasping her hand over his mouth. "Shut up. Don't make a sound," she whispered. Hoagie tried to stop himself from hyperventilating.

A bright light flashed on the screen, illuminating the rest of the room. There was a tiny hint of noise coming from the monitor, before a voice started to speak.

Voices?

"What? We've been hacked! Computer!" They shouted in unison. "Scan for intruders!"

Abby grimaced. "I don't think so..." she whispered. She slipped the S.C.A.M.P.P. off of her shoulder and aimed it towards the edge of the room. A green light shot out of it, nearly giving Hoagie a heart attack. She aimed again at the other corner, shooting the scanners that she knew were placed around the area.

"Why didn't you do that earlier?!" Hoagie whispered, his mouth free of her grasp.

She hushed him, pointing above her. As an annoyed scream was heard on the other end of the monitor, Abby had rolled out from under the desk, aiming her weapon right at the monitor. Hoagie went to shout out to her, but stopped, knowing it would probably ruin whatever plan she had. Abby sat upright.

A slight grin appeared on her face as her eyes met those of her enemies.

It had been a while.

The screen showed 5 children, all properly dressed and groomed, standing together in an ideal formation. They appeared like they hadn't aged a day since she saw them last.

"Y-You!" They gasped.

Abby just replied with a cheeky smile. "Me."

She fired the lazar at the monitor, mutilating it beyond function. She grabbed Hoagie by the arm and started sprinting toward the door, cutting out a hole for them to escape through as soon as she got there.

Hoagie was still trying to find his breath. "Why did you do that? Now they'll know you're here!"

"But they don't know you're here," she said as she pushed him through the hole, a bit of a challenge due to his considerable size. "That's all that matters."

She held the box close to her, leaning over it as though to protect it with her life. Without a second thought, she tossed Hoagie the S.C.A.M.P.P., who fumbled it a while before securing it in his hands.

"Go find the others," she instructed.

"A-Alone?" he quivered. Abby didn't respond. She took the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. from him, rotating her hat. "Abigail...I can't...I'm not-"

"Yo' not what?" She turned to him sharply, her pony almost whacking him in the face. "Cut out for this? Brave enough? Strong enough? What?" Her nose got closer and closer to his with every word. When he didn't respond with anything but a worried face, she sighed. "Deep breath. Count to ten." Her stare darkened. "Point and shoot."

Suddenly, the ground began to rumble, the sounds of metal clicking all around them. Abby ran up what looked to be a flight of stairs, only to have them turn into a slope as soon as she got halfway up. Hoagie did as he was told, at first, but found himself hanging back to watch out of sheer terror. Three black boulders came barreling down to meet them, which Abby jumped over with ease. Hoagie tried to blast them, but the lazar simply bounced off, having no effect.

Abby motioned him to go, only to be confronted with a boulder that she could not jump over. This one opened up its front, like a mouth, ready to take a bite out of its next meal.

"Oh, fuck..." she whispered.

It happened in an instant. Hoagie watched in horror as the black blob swallowed the last spec of red, rolling back up the stairs immediately. He held his breath and sprinted the other way, quite certain he was going to die.

---

"See? This is why I said to wait!"

"I'm sorry! How many times do I gotta say it?"

"A bumillion trillion quadrillion times!"

"I put it in just like it was! He must've changed the code!"

"Nobody changed the code, Wally! You put it in wrong! We should have waited for Abby!"

"Oh, so everything's my fault!"

"This time, yes! Everything is your fault!"

Kuki paced back and forth frantically in front of the artillery room.

"Now they're gonna know we're here! They're gonna tell Father we're here! They're gonna brainwash us and turn us into mindless blue-collar workers!"

"A fate worse than death..." Wally added, all too calmly.

"You're not helping!"

"Okay..." He stood in front of her trying to calm her down. "Be cool. Everything'll be okay if we just stay cool."

Kuki pulled on her hair, biting her lip. "Oh, where are Abby and Hoagie?" She gasped. "What if they got captured!" She flicked her boyfriend's forehead. "It's all your fault!"

"Oww!"

"Well!" She shook her head. "And now we're stuck here!"

"Maybe if I tried..."

"No!" Kuki leapt onto him, stopping him in his tracks. "Don't touch anything!"

Wally squirmed. "Kuki! Get off!"

"No!"

"Kuki!"

"No! We're waiting for Abby!"

Just then, a bright green shot through the steel wall. A frantic round blob waved its hands to them, rushing their direction. He stopped, looking around as though he missed something important.

"There you are!" Kuki said. "Where's Abby?"

Hoagie Gilligan put his hands on his knees, puffing hard. "No time...we have to...the safe..."

"I tried!" Wally groaned. Hoagie didn't seem to be listening to him as he rushed to the keyboard. "The damn thing won't open."

Hoagie put in the code as best as he could remember.

Click.

Access granted.

Wally's jaw fell. "How the bloody hell did you do that?"

But Kuki yanked him along until they were all inside. "Never mind! Just go!"

Hoagie closed the door, leaning up against it. He held his breath and closed his eyes. The others huddled together. They waited for a while, being certain the outside was quiet before continuing to speak.

"I think they're gone," Kuki whispered. "The alarm turned off as soon as the code was entered."

"Good! Let's get the hell outta here," Wally said.

Hoagie leapt up, like an electric shock and propelled him. He flailed his arms into the air. "No! We have to..." He pointed to the door, starting to gesture his story. "Abigail she...and then boom, but it didn't...and whoosh! And this thing just...just..." He clasped his hands over each other, to signal a giant mouth chomping down. "We gotta save her!"

Wally gave him a distasteful look. "Great. You let our escort get captured. Way to go, Einstein."

Hoagie flushed. "Me? How is this my fault?"

"Um, you were right there!" Wally snapped. "Why didn't you bloody do something!"

"I tried! The weapon she gave me didn't work and then she told me to run and so I ran and then creepy children and giant evil Pac-Man and brain machine and chart and-"

"Hoagie, it's okay," Kuki said, approaching him gently. "It's not your fault." She turned to her boyfriend. "It's Wally's fault for not waiting for Abby to put in the code and setting off the alarm!"

Hoagie shook his head. "Whatever! It doesn't matter! If we don't do something Abigail will...she'll..."

"Okay...it's okay..." Kuki lifted her hands up and down. "Breathe. In. Out."

"I know how to breathe."

Kuki gave him a smile, one that you would give a child when they were throwing a tantrum. "It'll be okay. Just try and clam down." She leaned into Wally. "He doesn't handle pressure very well," she whispered to him.

"Fuck you! I handle pressure just fine!" Hoagie snapped.

Wally smirked. "Clearly."

"No. You know what?" Hoagie stepped back from them. "I have been fucking calm this whole time! My brother was kidnapped! I had to spend yesterday with my abusive ex-girlfriend! A complete stranger knows more about my childhood than I do! Some weird people have been spying on me, stealing my research! We have been on the run for two days straight with no food and no sleep, but I sucked it up! I sucked it up because that's what you do. You bite your tongue and you deal with it. Doesn't make it any less fucked! So I'm sorry if I'm a bit on edge because the world is in chaos and the person who may be able fix it is gone and I'm the only one who seems to give a shit!"

Wally and Kuki stood in silence. Even in the dimmed room, they could see Hoagie's body moving up and down, the sound of the air scraping against his trachea, trying to enter and escape at the same time. After a while, it slowed as they watched him bring an arm to eyes, rubbing them beneath his glasses.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" he tried to backtrack.

"Hey, Man. No worries," Wally said, putting a hand up to stop him. "So what you got, Science Boy? How we gonna go about this?"

Hoagie scratched the back of his hat. "I don't exactly have a plan..."

"Plan shman!" Kuki's high-pitched voice rang out. The lights in the room flashed on. Hoagie and Wally shielded their eyes as they adjusted to the blinding led lights. "We have this!"

That's when they saw it. Rows and rows of artillery, full-sized tanks, missiles the size of busses, guns, bombs, jets, and of course, rocket ships. It was a military's wet dream. They looked around for Kuki, who had climbed to the top of one of the tanks, waving at them. She kicked her feet up and down gleefully. There was a fire in her eyes that had never been there before, a sadistic joy seeping out so subtle that most would ride it off as determination.

"Let's blow 'em to pieces."

---

Abby rolled out of the orb, her arms immediately grabbing for the wooden box that had gotten sucked up with her. She looked around, the tall bookshelves and long hallway indicated to her exactly where she was. A groan escaped her lips as she stood up. Seven years and Father still hadn't redecorated the place. It was like stepping into a time capsule.

"Well, well, well," a choir of voices sang out. "What a pleasant surprise. Abigail Lincoln..." They flashed their white perfect smiles her way. "Aren't you getting too old to play this game?"

Abby turned, peering into the soulless blue eyes of the Delightful Children From Down The Lane. Her lips curved up into a tiny smile, one that only she could feel. "Never too old to kick yo' butt."

The Delightful Children scowled collectively. "How do you even remember who we are? The Kids Next Door took your memories as soon as you turned thirteen!"

Abby wiped the sweat off of her nose, now grinning visibly. "Guess Numbuh 5 was just too good at the job to let go."

"No matter," The Delightful Children shook their heads. "Father will be most pleased with this turn of events. Perhaps he may even praise us by serving carrots for dinner!"

Abby's grin was wiped clean off. "Y'all are one messed up family."

"And you aren't worthy of the honor of Adulthood!" The grimaced. "It's not fair! A brat like you getting to grow old while perfect children like us are forced to wait an eternity to even be teenagers! It's a cruel joke!"

"You can say that again," Abby whispered under her breath.

"Father has been quite on edge lately. He spends all of his time being the Supreme Leader of the world that he barely has any time to spend with us. But if we gave you to him as a sacrifice..." Suddenly, the ground began to shake. The Delightful Children's chair rose into the air as their anger grew. Two metal claw arms and legs sprouted from the chair. Abby held tightly to the box, shifting her weight as to not fall onto her butt. "We will certainly gain Father's love."

"All those teen scientists that you imprisoned!" Abby shouted without thinking. "Those lives you ruined! Was that for Father's love?"

"How sweet..." They quipped back. "You actually care about those social rejects." They lifted a giant metal clawed-arm into the air.

SMASH! The metal arm slammed down to the floor, Abby diving to avoid its fatal blow. Abby leaned over the box, making sure that it stayed in one piece. That box was her one and only chance to get out of this place unharmed. She set the box down and moved to the other side of the room, waiting for the metal arm to swing back down. Predictably, it did. Abby dodged it, with barely enough space to avoid contact. As soon as it was down, she jumped onto the arm, running up the metal straight at the delightful children with the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. she took from Hoagie earlier. And while she knew she couldn't knock all them out at once, she managed to get close enough to take out two of them.

Then, almost like a gag, she shoved her nose up the blonde boy's nose, yanking out a bloody booger. As soon as she got what she was looking for, she slid down the arm. The Delightful Children screamed in agony.

"Our face! You've ruined our perfect face!" they squealed. "You'll pay for that!"

Abby grinned, sticking her bloody finger into a hole in the box. "Smile for the camera," she said. She rotated the crank on the outside as it played a fast version of 'pop goes the weasel'. But as it reached the end of the song, nothing happened.

Her face fell.

She tried again. Nothing.

She could hear the Delightful Children's laughter coming from above her. No...This couldn't be.

"That was your plan?" they mocked her through their laughs. "You're even more of an idiot than we thought."

Abby couldn't speak. "But...no, it was...why would he..."

"Fool. Why in the world would Father fix that piece of junk? Bringing back Grandfather was the worst decision he had ever made, so as soon as he got his hands on it, he broke it. Childhood memories bring nothing but pain. Only a moron would think otherwise."

The box fell apart in her hands, the faulty screws no longer holding place. It collapsed to the ground like papier-mâché, along with any hope she had lingering inside of it. Idiot. She was such an idiot. Of course Father wouldn't have wanted the recommissioning module. Why would he want to take that risk? She had walked right into a trap, a trap she had made for herself.

She was stuck. There was no getting out of it. She had made a grave mistake, and now the mission was in jeopardy. Seven years she was out of the field. She was rusty. She was fragile, and now, she was totally screwed.

Abby didn't do anything as she felt the cold steel clasp around her body. She struggled on impulse, but she knew that it was pointless. The claw lifted her up in the air, squeezing her arms against her ribs. She could hardly breathe.

"How disappointing," the Delightful Children said. "We thought this fight would be much more exciting."

"Go choke on a straw," she said weakly, the metal crushing her lungs. The claw squeezed tighter.

"Now, now," the Delightful Children said, unable to hide the sadistic pleasure they were feeling. "No need to be uncivil. Especially when we are prepared to offer you a deal."

"...A deal?"

"Why, yes. Despite what you may believe, you are an Adult now. Surely you understand the nature of an accord."

Abby lifted her head, noticing that the two she had knocked out earlier had now come to. "Ain't interested."

"Oh, you will be." They grinned sickeningly, folding their hands together under their chins. "We know why you're here, Numbuh 5: Ex-Soopreme Leader of the Kids Next Door Moon Base."

Abby grimaced. "I dunno what you're talkin' about."

"We're both after the same thing. And if we work together, we can both get what we want. Any reasonable Adult would understand."

"I said I ain't interested!" Abby squirmed.

"Then I suppose you would rather spend the rest of your days in the broccoli mines. You and the husks you used to call your friends."

"Leave them outta this!"

"How does it feel, Abigail? To know that your former teammates are all grown up? They don't even remember your name. It probably hurts every day knowing that you'll never truly be with them again. Seeing you in that much pain is such a joy."

Abby hung her head, trying not to let the words sink into her heart.

"They are with Father now. In proper society. Where they belong." Their voices got quieter. "And he will do with them whatever he pleases."

"If you hurt them..."

"Oh, we wouldn't dream of it, Abigail," the sneered. "So long as we have our understanding."

"What do you want?" she spat, her breath getting shallower.

They lifted the claw up higher off the ground, their faces now level with Abby's. "Where is Nigel Uno?"

---

"Onward!" Kuki called, her finger pointing toward the exit. "I think I heard something from upstairs!"

"Upstairs?" Hoagie panted, unable to keep up, the map in his hands. "Well, that gets rid of the tank idea."

Kuki frowned, looking down from the giant tank she was sitting in. "Aww. No fair. I wanted to blow em all to Satan's playground!"

Wally kicked it with his combat boot. "With this piece'a shit? It don't even take real ammo. Just weird pink goopy stuff. I thought we were gonna finally get some real weapons!"

"We'll just take what we can carry," Hoagie said, pulling the S.C.A.M.P.P. around to the front of his chest. With that, he headed up the stairs in a kind of blind focus, the map crumpled in his left hand. Kuki was starting to worry for him. Sure, she wanted to save Abby just like they all did, but she could sense something else behind his eyes, something dark and covered in a thick fog. Suddenly, she felt a warm hand slip into her icy cold one. She looked up to see Wally giving her a confident smile.

"You ready to become heroes?"

Kuki nodded. They walked up the stairs together.

They followed the source of the earlier noise, which had now stopped completely. Wally and Kuki had grabbed more weapons from the artillery safe, but Hoagie clung to Abby's S.C.A.M.P.P. alone. Kuki's expert hearing allowed them to locate the room quicker than they had expected. Hoagie pressed his ear against the door, hearing muffling noises from the other side. Gently, he cracked open the door, peering into the scene. Wally and Kuki's heads stacked over his. They saw The Delightful Children, Abby, and the giant robot arm that was crushing her.

Kuki gasped, but Wally slammed his hand over her mouth.

"What're they sayin'?" He asked Hoagie.

Hoagie listened closely, but he couldn't make anything out. "I can't tell. It's too muffled."

Kuki shoved herself away from her boyfriend, pushing Hoagie over aggressively. "You're both useless!" She whispered, peeking her own ear into the room.

"Can you-"

"Shh!"

---

"We'll ask you one last time..." The Delightful Children were getting impatient. "Where is-"

Abby interrupted them by making a raspberry sound with her tongue.

"Where is-"

She did it again.

"Ugh! Why you-"

And again.

"Stop that!"

And one final time.

"Ugh! That's it! We're calling Father!"

They pulled up a large television screen by voice command. Abby tried to catch her breath. She would only have to keep this up for another minute or so. She was certain she would pass out soon. When that happened, she could only hope that the others had made the smart decision and went for the exit.

Suddenly, Father's face, shrouded in his usual black suit, appeared on screen. The Delightful Children's eyes lit up as much as they could. "Father! You'll never believe-"

"How many times to I have to tell you not to call me at work!" Came the 40-year-old man's response. "Your Father is very busy!"

"We know, Father. But-"

"I don't have time to deal with your petty little problems. Being a full-time single Dad, the ruler of the entire planet, when's a guy ever get some time to himself?"

"Yes. But Father!" The Delightful Children pleaded. "Look what we-"

"Huh? What?" Father had stopped paying attention. "I told you to deal with it yourself! Whatever it is, it can wait until after my 3:00."

"But-"

"Don't call me on this phone again."

The screen went blank. The children sighed, knowing that it would be a long time before they would get another opportunity. They looked at Abby who was almost unconscious. "He never listens. We'll just have to take our prisoner to Father ourselves. Then he will be pleased with us. Once Father's experiment is complete, you and your team will finally see things our way."

---

So that was it.

Kuki gasped again.

"Kuki stop doin' that!" Wally whispered, frantically. "Someone might hear you."

"They're going to take her to Father!" She exclaimed as quietly she could. "I think. It's hard to tell what they're saying. They all talk at the same time."

Hoagie shook his head in surprise. "How?!"

Kuki shrugged. "I dunno but it's creepy."

"Let's just go in there and kick their rich asses," Wally said.

"We can't," Hoagie said. "They might hurt Abigail. And besides, they're just children. We can't beat up children."

Wally scowled. "Ain't children the reason we're in this mess to begin with?"

"It doesn't matter. It wouldn't be fair."

"Fair?!"

"We're bigger, and stronger, and considering that Father is their...well, yeah. They clearly didn't have a stable upbringing."

Wally frowned. "Why should that matter? They're evil!"

"We're not fighting children," Hoagie repeated, sternly.

A puff of air came out of Wally's mouth. "Who died'n made you boss?"

"You really wanna go there right now?"

"Yeah! I do!" Wally spat back. "Or did you forget whose bloody fault it was Abby got captured in the first place!"

"Okay! Knock it off!" Kuki interjected, pulling out her S.P.I.C.E.R. "I swear I will fire this thing up both of your butts!"

Suddenly, Hoagie's face lightened. "Hey Kuki, lemmie see that." He took the S.P.I.C.E.R., flipping it over and over again to examine it fully.

"So if we ain't gonna beat em up, what's our next move?"

Hoagie lifted the weapon into the air. "We stick to the original plan."

Wally and Kuki looked at each other. "The original plan?"

Hoagie's glasses slid down to the bottom of his nose, a wickedly determined smile appearing on his face. "Let's blow em to pieces."

---

Kuki loved cheering. For as long as she could remember, she loved the idea of encouraging people in a loud and obvious way. And now, she was cheering for a real cause. Hoagie had told her to go out and distract while Wally snuck in with their secret weapon. The Delightful Children did not enjoy her cheering, and she was certain this wasn't what Hoagie meant when he said "distract" them, but this was the best thing she knew how to do.

Wham! One of the metal arms rained down on her, but she dodged it with ease, doing a triple back handspring and landing in a fist pump to the sky. She looked over at Abby, who appeared unresponsive to any of this. They needed to do something quickly.

"2, 4, 6, 8!" She shouted. "Who will we eliminate!"

"Shut up you annoying- Who let you in here?" The Delightful Children yelled back, unable to recognize Kuki due to the considerable changes she had undergone as a teen.

"9, 10, 11, 12! Guess who you will see in Hell!" she continued. "Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini! Yellow-polka-dot bikini!"

---

"Tape..." Hoagie held out his hand. Wally reached into Hoagie's backpack and pulled out a large wad of masking tape, handing it to him.

"You sure this'll work?" he asked.

Hoagie sighed. "No. But it's the best chance we have."

It was quiet for a moment. "Hey, Gilligan, about, you know, what I said earlier...about this bein' your fault..."

"It was my fault," he said simply. "I was weak and careless, and I ran away like a coward. Is that what you want to say?"

"No," He said, even though in his head it was kind of true.

"I know you think I'm cold," Hoagie interrupted him, not looking up from his work. "And that I don't care what happens to anyone but myself. But you're wrong. I don't give a shit about what happens to me. But that doesn't mean I'm allowed to be reckless with other people's lives." He twisted the last screw on his new device. "So call me whatever you want. In the end, we both know I couldn't have saved her alone." He handed the modified bomb to Wally.

Wally smiled, his face softer than usual. "Then let's do this."

Hoagie nodded. "Kuki's distracting them..."

"Got it."

"So you sneak in and make sure they don't see you and then-"

"Mate," He put his hand on Hoagie's shoulder. "I got it. Just tell me where you want this thing."

"Wherever you think will make the biggest impact," Hoagie said. "I trust your judgement. Just make sure you get out of there before it explodes, and I'll take care of the rest."

Wally stood up. "Yeah, yeah, okay Mum."

"Wally..." Hoagie's voice caught. "Be careful."

Wally blushed. "Sh-Shut up." He tried to hide his reddening cheeks as he snuck into the room. "Freakazoid."

---

Hoagie pressed himself against the wall, clutching the S.C.A.M.P.P. as tightly to him as possible. Wally was taking his time, though the task he had been given took quite a bit more effort than they would have preferred. He felt his mind start to reel again, questions of 'what if' coiling around him like a snake. His eyes clenched shut. Dwelling on what may happen wasn't going to do him any good. He knew that. But at this point, the fear of getting caught swallowed him. This wasn't about Tommy anymore. It wasn't a game of waiting for the social order to be re-established, where everyone would be saved in the end.

People were dead. There was no getting around that. Nothing could be done for them. Guilt started to seep into his breath. He could have been one of them. This sole fact had frozen him. Visions of Tommy flashed through his head, Tommy who would always be waiting for him, who, child or not, was still alive. And Abigail, whose life would become nothing more than a bragging tool if they succeeded in capturing her. Something deep inside him lurched when he thought about it that way. What would they do to her? The same thing they did to the others? Or something worse...

His back stiffened. He couldn't do this anymore. The more he thought, the more fearful he became. The more the fear took hold of him, the less motivated he was to move. It wasn't even for his own safety, or fear of losing. He didn't know why. He was stuck. Biting his lip, he tightened his grip on the S.C.A.M.P.P.

This was all backwards. Fear shouldn't make him stop. It should make him act. No matter the result, he had to act.

Deep breath.

Count to ten.

Point

and shoot.

---

Wally hung on the back of the giant robot as the Delightful Children frantically chased Kuki around, who was enjoying the backflips and exhibitions of strength which had made her famous throughout McClintock High. He was torn by the fact that she was putting herself in danger and also found her strength and courage inspiring. When the robot had finally stopped moving, he was able to light the fuse on the bomb with his lighter. He leapt up and skidded across the ground, shouting "Now!". He and Kuki ran to the opposite sides of the room as the bomb exploded, disabling the mechanisms of the robotic suit. Pink slop splattered all over its back.

"Alright!" Wally exclaimed, pumping his fist into the air.

"Way to go, Wally!" Kuki cheered.

"Why you-!" The Delightful Children screamed but could not turn around and grab at him. "Get back here!" Suddenly, they froze. "Wait. If you're...then she...then that means..."

"Hey!" Hoagie slid out from behind the doorway, his shoes scuffing the hardwood. He aimed the S.C.A.M.P.P. at the metal arm and shot out the lazar. It threw him back a couple of inches, but once he managed to keep it steady, he was able to slice off the arm. It crashed to the ground, an unconscious Abby with it.

"It can't be!" The Delightful Children gasped. "You're...you're all supposed to be-"

"Now look at that," Hoagie pushed up his glasses shooting the gun again and taking off the other mechanical arm. "You've been completely dis-armed."

The Delightful Children snarled. "Gilligan!"

The machine started to come towards him, but Hoagie stepped back. "Though I guess you never really had a leg to stand on..." Slice, the first leg came off. Then the second. The robot fell to the ground with a thud. Hoagie lifted a hand to his head, his nose flaring as he realized what he said. "God, that was lame..." he whispered beneath his breath before a light smile appeared across his lips.

But not as lame as they're gonna be, he thought to himself. He couldn't help that one. The good thing was, no one appeared to hear his stupid one-liners, which he had apparently failed to flush out of his system.

"Ugh!" The Delightful Children plugged their ears. "You idiot! Do you have any idea how much this cost?"

Kuki ran to the middle of the room, picking up the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. and walking towards the now completely immobilized Delightful Children.

"No...no! Get away!"

"Nighty night!" She said, slapping them unconscious. "Don't let the land sharks bite!"

"Woohoo! Did you see that?" Wally ran to his girlfriend, picking her up in his arms and swinging her around. "We totally fucked them up!"

"Yeah we did!" Kuki said between her fits of laughter. "What a rush! I feel all tingly inside!"

"I feel like I could kick a hole in the moon! You were amazing!"

"No, you were amazing!"

"Yeah, I was amazing, wasn't I? But you were even more amazing!"

"Abigail!" Hoagie shouted, dropping his gun. His outcry disrupted the celebration as the others were reminded of the situation. He strapped his arms over the claw, prying it off. "Quick! Come help me!"

It took all three of them to eventually unclasp the giant metal prongs. Abby lay there, unconscious but still breathing, her hat had fallen off of her head. Hoagie knelt down beside her, lifting her up over his knee. Her body was bruised, most notably around the arms and stomach areas which were not protected by clothing. "Kuki..." he said softly. "How is she?"

Kuki placed a hand on Abby's stomach, moving her arms around to check for fractures. "Nothing broken. Looks like minor injuries, maybe a bruised rib, but I'd have to do a full examination to be sure."

"Hey..." Wally knelt in front of her. "Abby." He shook her slightly. He pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and waved it around. "Abby, look! It's your favorite...processed sugar..."

"Don't tease her!" Kuki snapped.

But just as she said that, Abigail Lincoln began to stir. She opened her eyes, seeing Kuki first, then Wally, and finally Hoagie, who sighed a little too deeply with relief when he saw her irises.

She groaned, holding her head. "What happened?"

"What happened?" Wally sat back. "We fuckin' saved your ass! That's what happened!"

Abby looked at him confused for a moment, squinting in his direction. Her eyes moved over to the giant smoking robotic machine, which had collapsed feet away from her. She blinked, still not registering what she was seeing. "Y...Y'all fought the Delightful Children? By yo'selves?"

"Fought and conquered!" Kuki announced.

"You should'a seen it!" Wally got up and reenacted the fight, sound effects and all. "First they were all, 'we're gonna turn you in,' n' we were like 'no fuckin' way, bitch!'..." he continued on, detailing everyone's part of the fight, praising both Kuki and Hoagie for their contributions. He looked at Kuki. "That part when you did all those backflips an' they got all dizzy!" Then, he turned to Hoagie. "And this guy!" He ran around, putting his arm around Hoagie's neck in a light choke hold, noogying him with the other. "He was like the terminator with that thing! Hasta la Vista, Baby! And then boom!" Wally fell over Hoagie's shoulder, his head resting on the clavicle. "It was insane."

"Yep!" Kuki grinned. "And we won!"

Wally went back to Kuki's side, sitting down. "About time we started pullin' our own weight, don't you think?"

"Like a real team." Kuki stuck out her pointer and middle fingers on one hand, making a V. "Sector V-for-Victory!"

Abby's eyes widened. It took all her strength not to tear up at that moment, but she knew her sentiment would have to wait until they were safely on their way to the G:KND. So instead, she smiled and nodded, starting to push herself up. She winced slightly, her stomach and ribs still sore.

"Whoa! Careful!" Hoagie said, putting his hands up to spot her.

But Abby sat up without his help. "It's fine. Abby's been through way worse than a couple'a bruises."

Hoagie retracted his hands as Abby stood up. "Are you sure?"

She held out her hand to him and grinned. Hoagie took it but made sure he used his own strength to stand. She radiated with that same warm glow that she always had, something akin to a warm fire on a snowy day or the orange burn of the setting sun. In a world that was so closed off and private, that warmth was almost foreign to him. Maybe that was why he was so stunned by it.

Abby let go as soon as he was up, walking over to inspect the damage. "Whoo, Baby. That's some knock-out." She leaned down towards them, placing a single hand on one of their cheeks. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I couldn't do anything this time." She exhaled. "Someday we'll get you back."

Kuki wandered over to the other side of the room where she saw the small wooden pieces. She scooped them up in her arms. "I found your box thingy," she said, making her way towards Abby. "Sorry it...kinda broke a little bit."

Abby kept her head down. "It ain't important," she said with a heavy voice. She stood to her feet. "Let's just keep going."

Wally pouted, crossing his arms. "What is it, anyway?"

Abby stopped, her shoulders lifting and then falling. "It's called a recommissioning module. Ideally..." she stammered trying to gather her thoughts. "It can bring back the memories of decommissioned operatives. I knew it'd been fixed before-" She stopped before she got to Nigel. "Father had it all this time."

"You tried to use that thing on the Bratty Brigade?" Wally asked, not quite putting the pieces together.

Hoagie's jaw fell. "Which means the Delightful Children are actually..."

"Ex-Kids Next Door agents..." Kuki realized. "Just like us." She looked back down at the assorted pieces wood and wire in her hands. She heard Abby call back to her, her voice further away than before.

"Leave it, Kuki," she said.

Kuki ran after her, the others following behind. "But Abby!" She stumbled on her way to catch up. "Isn't this what we need? To get our memories back? This might be the only way! That way when we see Nigel Uno we'll know what to do!"

"It's impossible," she stated, turning to her. "It'd be a waste of time."

"Hoagie can do it!" A loud, enthusiastic Australian voice came behind them.

Hoagie froze. "Hoagie can do what?" he asked, nervously.

Wally put his arm around him and grinned. "He's good at science stuff! It'd be a piece'a cake! Right, Jimmy Johns?"

"I don't-"

"He's a fuckin' genius. The real deal." He squeezed his new friend. "If anyone can fix that hunk-a-junk, it's this guy right here. I guarantee it!"

"Can I interject-"

But Wally tightened his grip further, whispering in his ear. "C'mon, Gilligan. Do it for the lady. Don't hurt to try."

Abby looked at Hoagie, who had shrunk completely out of embarrassment. Of course she knew he could fix it. After all, he was starting to build one before without any knowledge of 2x4 technology. But asking him to do so would have been an unreasonable request. On top of everything he and the others had been through, it would be one more pressure to put on them and herself. Still, at this point she couldn't see another way of reaching their goal. The way things were now, she would have to take care of the combat, the flying, the management, things that she really didn't consider when she had gone on this rampage. Yet, in that moment, she did not regret her decision one bit.

"Could you?" She ended up saying, in spite of herself.

She watched his face fall as he stared at her. "I...I guess so. I mean, I can try."

The blonde leech which had stuck himself to him, slapped him on the back. "That's the spirit! Go big'er go home!"

Abby grinned as she looked at her friends.

Don't get your hopes up.

There's always a chance it won't work.

It's old.

It might be irreparable.

Don't get your hopes up.

The idea of seeing her teammates again was too overwhelming for her. Maybe everything could go back to the way it was.

"Thank you," she said. "All of you. For everything." She reached up to the top of her head, only to realize that she had left her hat in the other room. "Ah shoot!" she shouted, rushing over to get it.

Wally smirked. "Looks like she's okay."

"Why did you say that? I can't fix this recommissioning module thing," Hoagie whispered to him. "I wouldn't even know where to begin."

But Wally put a firm hand on his shoulder. "Mate, it ain't about fixin' the damn thing. We're just givin' her somethin' to look forward to. In times like these, even the slightest bit'a hope can make a difference." He walked away. "And who knows? Maybe a miracle will happen."

"This whole mission is going to take a miracle."

"That's the spirit!" He clutched his fist. "We just gotta keep pushin' forward. Right, Kuki?"

Kuki smiled brightly. "V-for-Victory!"

"That's right," Wally announced proudly. "V-for-Victory."

---

There was a long silent pause that settled into the area. It was quite a while before someone finally spoke. It was Wally who broke that silence.

"Nigel Uno is..." Wally thought aloud.

"NUMBER ONE?!" He and Kuki exclaimed simultaneously.

Hoagie rolled his eyes. "No shit, you guys."

Abby finished carrying in the last bag of food onto the ship, which they had flown out of the Delightful Children's Mansion and was now parked right by where the tunnel system let out. She plopped the bag on the ground, wiping her brow.

Kuki gasped. "He was the bald kid!"

"The bloke in the sunglasses!" Wally added.

"Ugh. How did we not figure that out?"

Hoagie crossed his arms. "Why didn't you just tell us before?"

Abby sat down in a chair, which was much bigger than what she needed, stretching her hands over the armrests. "Abby didn't want you to think she was doin' this just 'cause'a some guy she used to know," she said. "Numbuh 1 was the leader of our team. He was considered to be the greatest Kids Next Door Operative on Earth. That's why the G:KND took him. I mean..." She sighed. "That's why he decided to leave. I he ain't come back since."

Hoagie frowned. "Didn't he try and keep in contact at all?"

"At first," Abby said. "But you know how it goes, Baby. Things get busy. People get older. It ain't nobody's fault. Besides, there ain't no reason a kid who wants to stay a kid forever would want to keep in contact with a teenager."

"I'm sure that's not true," Kuki said, consolingly.

"Point is," Abby sat up more, folding her hands together. "He's the reason we're in this mess. I know Nigel. I know he probably thinks he's in the right. But he's made a mistake. And there's always the chance that he's in some kinda trouble out there. I guess I thought..." She paused again. "Seein' you again might get him to change his mind."

Hoagie nodded. "And if we had our memories back, that would make the argument all the more convincing. We'd be able to cater to his nostalgic impulses."

Abby laughed. "You make it sound like some great master plan."

Hoagie stopped. "Isn't...that what it is?"

"No," Abby shook her head. "It ain't as complicated as all that." Her eyes were soothing as she looked at him. His glasses had slid to the bottom of his nose again. "You wanna fly us out, Ace?"

Hoagie's face turned red. "M-Me?"

"Just kiddin'," Abby said.

It was worth a shot.

"Y'all might wanna buckle up," she said, flipping the first few switches on the dashboard. As she did, the ground started to shake, causing the three teens to fall on their buts. The ship started lifting into the air. At first it was slow, but soon enough the ship accelerated in speed, moving forward and launching the students to the back of the flight deck.

---

They were high into the sky now, the buildings below resembling white building blocks. Hoagie sat in the back of the room, having found a wide window to look out of. He couldn't believe it. He was flying. Actually flying. He tucked his arms underneath his legs, holding his thighs. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine the wind bustling through his hair, the taste of vapor misting his face. He hadn't been allowed on a plane since his father's passing. His mother was too afraid of something going wrong. Still, he liked to imagine what it was like to soar above the clouds, above the world and all of its misery. It was a simple dream, he supposed. Not very unique or interesting. But for him, it was the simplicity of it that made it all the more desirable.

Below, he could see a larger blue spec, no doubt belonging to the Delightful Children's Mansion. His eyes narrowed as he gripped himself tighter. He really hadn't had time to take everything in. It all happened so fast, like a dream. Tommy, Abigail Lincoln, the Kids Next Door...he still wasn't sure what to make of it all.

"Oh wow! You can see everything from up here!" A high-pitched voice said. Hoagie looked up to see Kuki. She peered out the window, her fingers sprawled across the glass, with her already turned-up nose pressed up against it. Pulling out the camera from her back pocket, she started to snap a few pictures. "Amazing!"

"Yeah..." Hoagie replied, still in a bit of a daze. He watched Kuki excitedly take photos with her disposable camera, the flash no doubt ruining every single one of them. "Hey, Kuki..." he said. "Do you...think we did the right thing?"

Kuki stopped, putting down her camera and looking his direction. She hadn't expected this.

"I mean stealing from those kids."

Kuki slid down to a seat, facing toward him. "They were bad guys. You saw what they did to Abby."

"Yeah, but-" Hoagie struggled to find the words. He stared out the window at the open horizon. "They're still just kids." He leaned toward the edge of the glass again. "I feel bad for them. Imagine. Growing up in that huge house. Completely alone. No friends. No love. Anyone who had to live that way would probably turn out the same."

Kuki pouted. "I don't think so." She kicked her toes as Hoagie's eyes darted to her. "Even if you have a bad family, you can still choose to be good. I bet if they tried super hard, they could be heroes too. Plus, didn't Abby say they were in the Kids Next Door? They must have been good at some point if that's true."

Hoagie looked away from her. "But even then..." His eyes glossed over. "It doesn't change the situation. It's not an excuse but saying everyone has an equal chance to be good, saying it like it's just a thing you can be if you want it...it's just not true. Some people have to try harder than others." He exhaled, his mind now completely in a haze. "It's hard to erase things that have been carved into you."

"Hoagie..." Kuki's body sank slightly. She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the warm cotton of her sweater on her skin. "I'm sorry."

Hoagie's mind came into focus. He sat upright, his face moving her direction again. "For what?"

Kuki shook her head. "Nothing just..." She hugged herself tighter. "I'm sorry."

Suddenly, the floor shook, sending Kuki onto her back with a thud. She groaned as she pulled herself back up.

"Are you alright?" Hoagie called out to her. She nodded, her face still scrunched. Hoagie looked around the area. "What was that?"

Kuki climbed back over to the window, pressing her forehead against the glass. "I think you mean what is that?" She pointed to a small black spot in the distance.

The door busted open, Wally's sweaty face poking through frantically. "We're bein' attacked!" he shouted. "Those damn kids followed us! They're right on our tail!" The three of them rushed to the control room, where they saw Abby gripping what looked to be the steering mechanism.

---

"They've found us," she said. "Wally, man the cannon. Don't let'em outta your sight!"

Hoagie bit his lip. "Cannon?" The ship shook again. Abby pulled a hard right, sending the others backwards. They got up, trying to pull themselves into the smaller seats surrounding the flight deck.

"Everybody okay?" Abby asked. They didn't have a chance to respond before an image appeared on a communication screen before them. Five children with eerily dull blue eyes glared at the rebels.

"How cute," they spoke simultaneously. "Abby has created herself a little makeshift army." They grinned. "Your desperation is delicious."

Hoagie flattened his brow. "They do all talk at the same time..."

Wally shuddered. "Creepy as fuck. Creepy. As. Fuck."

"Silence!" The children demanded. "How dare you defile those beautiful Adult bodies!" They sighed. "No matter. Once we blast you out of the sky, there will be peace and quiet once more."

"Incoming!" Kuki shouted, having been monitoring the other screen. Abby steered the ship, barely missing the attack.

"Mothah F-"

The Delightful Children howled with laughter. "Is that really all you can do? How pathetic! The once great Sector-V! Reduced to such mediocrity! How amusing!"

"Will somebody please shut them up!" Abby yelled.

"I'll shut em up..." Wally said, moving towards the cannon's control panel, or what he assumed to be it. A video-game-like controller was attached to a monitor. This would be much easier than he thought. "Hey Delightful Dicks!" He jeered. "Time to say Ariba-Der-Chee!"

"Ugh!" They groaned over the intercom. "You vulgar little pests! You'll pay for that!"

Wally plastered on a wicked grin. "Heh. Listen you Ass-lickin' Thunder-Dicks. To me there's only three good things about bein' an Adult. Sex, Drugs, and CUSSIN' THE FUCK OUTTA PRUDES LIKE YOU!" He fired the cannon, blasting them with the pink sludge from earlier. All the while, he shouted profanities, each one getting more grotesque until the others no longer knew what he was even saying. Suddenly, the swearing stopped.

The cannon missed.

What used to be a bright blue sky was now darkening. "We're comin' into the Ozone," Abby called out to her team.

Hoagie and Kuki ran to the front of the ship. "What is that?!" Hoagie gasped, pointing towards a massive pink wall appearing out of nowhere.

"The Earth's been quarantined," Abby said. "That must be the barrier."

Kuki's gasped. "Ohh. You meant that literally."

"You fools!" The Delightful Children berated. "You have been betrayed by your own kind. You'll never escape from this planet!" They smiled. "Father will be most pleased when he sees how well we have done."

"We'll see, Cock-Suckers!" Wally grinned as he rapid-fired again rambo-style. "Suck my fat dick!"

But the Delightful Children just continued to laugh. "Pathetic! You are all pathetic! Without your precious Numbuh One you are nothing."

"We have to turn around!" Hoagie screamed. "That thing'll smash us to pieces!"

"I can't!" Abby shouted back. "We've built up too much momentum!" The ground shook as they took another hit.

Hoagie turned to Abby. "You got a plan?"

"Bitch, does it look like I got a plan?" She snapped. There was a pause. "Sorry."

"Understandable."

"Uh oh." Wally slunk down.

Abby was tense. "Nuh-uh. Don't say uh oh. Why uh oh?"

Wally put on a sheepish grin. "I may have run out of ammo."

"You what!"

"Perfect," The Delightful Children cooed. "A fitting end to your pitiful existence."

"That's it!" Kuki screeched. She pulled out the S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. and smashed her side of the control panel. The screen went dead. Everyone's faces fell. "Man, they were so annoying!"

Wally gulped. "Kuki...what did you do?"

"What?" She shrugged. "We're gonna die anyway."

Hoagie put his hands to his head. "This isn't happening. This isn't happening."

"They're gaining!" Wally called.

"We're runnin' outta time!" Abby frantically tried to turn the ship, but it was no use. "Prepare for impact!"

"Wait!" Kuki exclaimed. "This is-"

They hit the barrier, however they were not destroyed on impact. Instead, they were pushed forward into it, like a latex balloon. The ship slowed down to a stop. Kuki grabbed the controls, much to Abby's protest, and spun the ship around like a top, everyone grabbing onto their chairs and being thrown all around the flight deck. The pink goo stuck to the sides of the ship as it spun, twisting the sticky substance all around the edges of the ship. When she straightened out again, the ship flung backwards, but was caught inside the barrier. They watched as the Delightful Children's ship crashed beside them, only the silhouette visible through the pink overlay. Yet unlike their ship, the Delightful Children were flung backwards like a slingshot, careening back to earth. The teens found their footing again, thinking they were going to be sick.

Abby's face was flat. "What just happened?"

Kuki leapt up, her cheeks burning with pride. "I was right! We did it!"

"Are you nuts, Kuki?" Wally stomped over to her, his face stunned and stern. "You could'a gotten us all killed!"

"But Wally, don't you see? The barrier wasn't solid! I saw it earlier and I wasn't sure what it was, but now I am!"

"You broke our communication! You got us stuck in the middle-a space! And now we're trapped in some gooey mess!"

"It's not goo, Wally! It's-"

"Bubble gum." Abby's brows lifted.

"Yeah!"

"How do you know that?" Hoagie said, finally finding his way to a standing position.

"I can smell it," Abby said. She sniffed the air. "High concentrations of processed sugar, pink food coloring, Ethyl methylphenylglycidate." Sniff. "That's gum alright."

But Hoagie wasn't convinced. "How could there be a bubble of gum in space? Space is a vacuum. It would have either imploded or froze in the low temperatures."

Abby shook her head. "I know what I know. And that, right there, is bubble gum."

Wally winced. "Gross."

"If Kuki hadn't gotten us stuck, we would'a been a meteor headin' for earth by now." She looked at the excited girl. "Good work, Soldier."

Kuki blushed.

Hoagie walked to the window, which was now covered in gum. He couldn't breathe. He bit his lip again.

"If yo' worried about the Delightful Doofuses, don't be." Abby's voice rang in his ear. "They're KND agents who've been delightfulized. Their bodies are designed to withstand practically any amount of damage." Hoagie turned back to her, startled by her ability to read his mind so easily. "They'll be fine. Us on the other hand..." She looked around the area. "That might be a different story."

---

Two hours passed, and still there didn't seem to be a solution to be found. Hoagie drummed his fingers on his lap. Abby stuck her feet on the control panel, her hat tipped over her face. They had enough food to last a whole week there if they needed, but if they didn't get out soon, they were sure the Delightful Children would be back to take them out.

"What dissolves gum..." he thought out loud. He supposed the physics of there being a gum-like substance that could exist through alien technology was possible, but he had no way of knowing how to counteract it. "Saliva."

Wally rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah. Great idea, Heisenburg. Let's spit on it. That'll make a difference."

"The enzymes in saliva break down the chemical properties in-"

"Whoops, don't care." Wally got up and walked away from him.

"Even if we could get enough saliva, the process of breakin' down gum takes at least a couple'a hours." Abby said beneath her hat. "We don't have that kinda time."

Hoagie sunk down. "That's true. And I don't think it's going to freeze either, not if the icy temperatures of space don't have any effect on it."

Kuki frowned. "So what do we do?"

"It's gum," Wally said. "Just blow a bubble and pop it."

Hoagie scowled. "And how do you propose we do that?"

Wally shrugged. "I dunno. You're the genius."

"If we had the cannons loaded we could try and blast it open," Kuki said.

"We can't just push through," Hoagie replied. "The barrier is too well-constructed. The only thing that will break it is something of equal power or an insane amount of pressure, which we don't have access to."

Abby sat up, tipping up the brim of her hat. "Pressure." She jumped out of the giant chair and went to the back of the room, opening a small door in the floor and jumping down. The others followed, realizing that there was a ladder descending into the rest of the ship. "Maybe if we load the cannons," she explained. "We can fire enough pressure to push through to the other side."

The downstairs was entirely white, immaculate, the pinnacle of wealth and luxury. Abby walked with determination through the corridor, opening door after door. Finally, she stopped, finding what looked to be a kitchen.

"What are you looking for?" Kuki asked.

"The Delightful Children may be a bunch of brainwashed wannabe Adults, but deep down they're still kids." She pulled open a white closet and grinned. It was filled with packaged cupcakes, tiny boxes of cookies, and salty chips. The others looked at her, completely confused. She went to what looked to be a refrigerator and opened it, a flow of cool fog spilling out all over the floor. Inside, was just what she was hoping for.

"Guess we won't go hungry," Hoagie remarked.

Abby pulled out a can from the fridge. "This'll be good enough."

"Is that beer?" Wally asked, excitedly. Abby tossed him the can.

"Root Beer."

Wally's face fell. "Oh."

She adjusted her hat. "We may be able'ta bust outta here after all."

---

Abby ordered the boys to fill the cannons with as much soda as they could, opening each can and dumping it inside. Wally came to the conclusion that spitting on the gum would indeed be faster. Once that was finished, all four of them strapped themselves into the chairs, which thankfully were originally manned by the Delightful Children's henchmen the Ice Cream Men, so size wasn't an issue.

"Okay, on my signal, fire everything we've got towards the back of the ship."

Wally's hands shook as he took the controls. "You sure about this?"

Abby prepared for launch. "Nope."

"Oh. Well in that case..." Wally said snidely.

Kuki sat next in the chair next to him, her knuckles white from gripping the arm rests. "Wally..."

"Don't worry, Kuki," He said. "Everything's gonna be fine."

"Commencing in five..." Abby started the countdown. "Four...three...two..."

Hoagie and Kuki squeezed their eyes tightly.

"Fire!"

Wally slammed his thumb on the launch button for the cannons, sending the soda out into space. The ship lurched forward but did not go very far. Kuki kept her eyes closed, but Hoagie opened his. He noticed the windows growing darker, as though they were being drowned in root beer. The gum was being slowly pushed off the sides of the ship. Kuki had created a complete gum bubble when she had gotten them stuck. Which meant...

"It's going to work," he whispered in shock.

"Hang on!" Abby shouted. As the bubble got to the point where it could no longer hold the soda, Abby pounded on the acceleration. Sure enough the gum burst, sending the ship flying out into space completely out of control. Everyone screamed as the ship flipped around and spun in circles, moving further and further away from the initial barrier.

And then as soon as it started, it was over. Everything was still, and for once the vastness of space fell before their window in all its beauty and all its intimidation.

Wally unbuckled his seatbelt, not saying a word. He took Kuki by the hand, who also unbuckled her seatbelt and they left the room together. Hoagie made his way over to the front window.

"Well. We're in space."

"Yep." Abby was also in a fog.

Suddenly, Hoagie and Abby could hear some strange noises coming from the other room, some moaning, some thumping. In the quiet of space, it was as though it was happening right in front of them.

"Are they-"

"I don't wanna think about it," came Abby's blunt response.

The tension rose as the two of them awkwardly tried not to listen to the noises from the other room. They couldn't blame Wally and Kuki, though. At this point they were all just lucky to be alive.

"So," Hoagie started again. "This Nigel Uno..."

Abby tensed, trying to hide her apprehensive face.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

Abby smirked, a light blush running across her cheeks as she whacked him in the back of the head with her hat.

---

On March 31st, 2015, it was decided that no human being should be allowed to exit the planet earth without written consent from the Galactic Kids Next Door. This rule was enacted by Earth Representative, Nigel Uno.

He was confident in his decision.

On April 1st, 2015, he got word that the barrier they had set to keep the earthlings within their own atmosphere, had been broken. A face popped into his mind when he heard this, then four, but he shook it off.

Adulthood had claimed his friends long ago, as it would soon claim him.

But this time, he was ready.

This time, he had a plan.

Nigel Uno, the greatest Kids Next Door operative from Earth, would be the last of his kind.

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