"So," the Colonel asked. "First base?"

"That would depend on your definition."

"French, Finger, Fuck," the Colonel said.

"Then no."

"Normal kiss?"

"I kissed her on the cheek."

"That's nothing. That's not even halfway first base. You're not even in the field yet."

"Patience grasshopper," Miles said. "I just met her today."

"Oh come-

"Mr Martin," a loud voice said. "Is your conversation more interesting than me straining my lungs to teach you about Buddhism?"

The Colonel swallowed. The right answer was 'yes', but he wasn't about to give that. "Sorry, Dr Hyde. We were just talking about enlightenment."

For a moment, Miles was convinced they would get kicked out, but then Hyde relented.

"Final warning," he said. "Now, where was I?"

They let out their breath. That was close. In the last weeks, the Old Man had already kicked out three people for the crime of talking or even just staring out of the window.

Luckily, the other teachers were a bit more loose. Which was a good thing, because Miles had trouble paying attention. His thoughts kept wandering off to Lara Butterskaya. Was it Butterskaya? No wait, Butterskates? Damn, why couldn't she be called Buttercup or something?

After his final class, he went back to Room 43. After opening the door, he double checked he hadn't walked into an illusion.

The Colonel was topless and hunched over an ironing board. He was trying to iron a salmon-pink button-down shirt. Well, Miles assumed that was the goal. He could be wrestling with it as well.

"This is an emergency," the Colonel 'explained', out of breath.

"Did the shirt come to life? Is that why you're beating it to death with an iron?"

"I've got a date."

"Oh. Well that's odd, me too."

"Huh?"

"Lara is coming so I can copy her math notes."

Chip snorted. "Well I have a real date. With her parents, to the opera."

"If her parents are there, it's not a date," Miles pointed out. "Unless you're into some freaky shit."

"Can you help me or not?"

"Dude, I didn't even know we had an iron."

"That's cause we don't," Chip said. "I borrowed it from Takumi. But he doesn't know how to iron either. And Alaska, well…"

"Patriarchy?"

"Oh you didn't hear her yelling? I was pretty sure the whole state of Alabama heard it."

"Right. Have you considered asking your girlfriend to do it?"

The Colonel snorted. "Don't be ridiculous." He paused. "Maybe if I turn the shower on, the steam will get rid of the wrinkles?"

"Oh cause that isn't ridiculous?" Miles said.

"You've got a better idea?"

"Hm. Well, actually, if we're lucky then…"

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door.

"Oh damn," the Colonel said. "That's Sara."

"Maybe," Miles said. "If you're unlucky."

He opened the door. It wasn't Sara. It was Lara. For some reason, she had changed her jeans into a black skirt and switched her sneakers out for black ballerinas. She had also put on mascara and electric blue nail polish. The exact same color he had seen Alaska wear. Two simple silver star-earrings dangled from her earlobes. Her hair was put up in a high ponytail. Her backpack was over one shoulder.

"You look good," Miles said. He made sure to block the doorway so she couldn't see inside.

She blushed. "Thanks."

"Hey, can I ask you a favor?" Miles asked.

"Sure."

"Do you know how to iron a shirt?"

"Uhm, yeah. Why?"

"Well." Miles stepped aside.

"Oh my."

Her eyes went over the shirtless Colonel carrying the wrinkled salmon-shirt.

"I've got a date," the Colonel explained.

"I'll take care of it."

Lara put her bag aside and took the shirt from him. In under a minute, she ironed it perfectly.

Both of them were utterly amazed.

"Mom taught me how to do housework," Lara explained with the usual blush on her cheeks.

"Thanks," the Colonel said. He put on the shirt. As he was buttoning up, someone knocked and entered without waiting.

"You're not done yet?" she said without any introduction.

"Hey, just give me a minute."

The Colonel finished buttoning up.

"And who is that?" Sara demanded.

"Pudge's girlfriend." He started to tie an ugly blue tie with little flamingo's on it.

Lara blushed deep red, but she didn't correct the Colonel.

"You couldn't even press your own shirt?"

For some reason, the Colonel managed to tie his tie in a few seconds.

"Let's go," he said.

The Colonel went out with Sara. Their arguments died down. Well, they were too far away from them to hear.

"So, that was Sara," Miles said.

"Fun couple," Lara commented.

And with that, they were left all alone. Well, not truly alone of course. People could barge in at any point. The dorm rooms here didn't have locks after all. And it was not unusual for the Eagle to 'happen to pass by' their windows. And after seven, you were supposed to leave the door open if you were in a girl's room, or the other way around. Alaska had complained many times about this, since it assumed everyone's sexual orientation was heterosexual and the only reason a boy would be in a girl's room was to have sex. Besides, the age of consent was sixteen, so while it was inapproriate to have sex at school, for a ton of students it wasn't illegal.

"Miles?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought."

"It's okay. Shall we get started?"

"Yeah."

He took out his notebook. Lara handed him her notes. Somehow, their hands briefly touched in the process.

"I'll help," she said.

Lara took out the last page and copied it while Miles copied the first.

It was silent for a moment while they copied the notes.

When they were done, Miles leaned back.

"Thanks for helping me out."

"It's my fault you couldn't take notes," she pointed out.

Hm. Well that was true in some weird way.

"I should be thanking you," she added. "For helping me."

"Helping you?" Miles asked.

"In the car. If you hadn't held me, that could have ended badly."

"It's Alaska's fault."

"I know."

A silence fell.

"Hey," Miles said. "About uh… you know."

"Huh?" She looked confused.

"When my hands shifted upwards."

"Oh." She turned her usual bright-pink shade. "That."

"It was an accident. I-"

"It's fine. I know you didn't do it on purpose. And… uh…"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just… well no one ever touched my… my boobs before. So… So does this count then?"

"Hm." Miles gathered his courage. "Well if you want, I can touch them right now and we can count that as your first time."

She blushed even harder.

"If you're okay with that," he quickly added.

The silence was electric. Slowly, Lara moved closer to him.

Unfortunately, the door burst open before anything could happen.

Oh crap. It had to be the Eagle. It was already after seven.

Only it wasn't.

"Alaska?"

"Now it's war," she proclaimed.

"What happened?" Miles asked.

"Come on, we need to kill some people."

She grabbed his shirt and pulled him up.

"Hey, calm down."

He threw a glance at Lara, who seemed to be nailed to the ground.

Miles tried to force her fingers away from him, but she was freakishly strong.

"What is going on here?" A voice demanded.

They were greeted by the Look of Doom.

Alaska quickly lowered her hands. "Nothing."

"We were just about to get dinner," Miles added.

The Eagle frowned. It was blatantly obvious something was wrong with Alaska.

"Where is Mr Martin?" the Eagle asked.

"On a date."

"And you're just sitting here with two girls?"

"Is that illegal?" Miles asked. "I left the door open."

Obviously, the Eagle couldn't prove the door wasn't open before Alaska barged in.

"Well obviously we were having a threesome," Alaska said. "Why else would we be here. Would you like to join us?"

"Watch it," the Eagle warned her. "All of you."

He threw them one last look before turning on his heels and leaving.

Miles let out his breath. "That was close."

"Asshole," Alaska mumbled.

"We might as well go for dinner," he added. "And meanwhile you can tell me what is going on."

They all went to the cafeteria. There were bufriedos today, which cheered Alaska up a little bit. After a few bites, she started talking.

From what Miles gathered, the Weekday Warriors had played some cruel prank on Gus, although she refused to give any specifics. Still, she insisted he was fine and his absence was no reason to be worried. She also refused to report it to the Eagle because 'I don't rat'.

Even so, it was clear she wouldn't let it go. Miles and Lara spend the next hour convincing her to at least wait until tomorrow so they could discuss things with the Colonel and Takumi. After all, the Colonel was the one making the plans. And shouldn't Gus get a say in this too? Besides, they had a math test coming up. They should focus on that first.

And just like that, his 'date' with Lara didn't get anywhere.