A/N:

Thank you to all my lovely girls for pre-reading this one for me and encouraging me to post and

a special thanks to Lauren, Erin and April for their helpful comments on this chapter ❤️

Fran, as always, I'm forever grateful to you for beta'ing my chaos.

Pearly encouraged me to bring this story to fanfiction - so you can thank her if you're enjoying it ;)

x

6

Ignition

o-O-o

By the time Bella got down to the street, Alec was gone. She called him, but it went straight to voicemail. What the fuck was she going to do? They lived together, was she supposed to just…not go home?

Fuck that. She needed to talk to him, to explain that she-

Bella put her head in her hands as she realized she didn't even know what she would say to Alec. She knew she didn't want to be with Edward—couldn't be with him. He was toxic for her, a poison. She needed to stay away, protect herself. But how could she be with Alec now, after what she'd done? How could he ever be okay with the fact she was in love with someone else?

Bella sobbed into her hands. She hated that he still had this hold over her, hated he was ruining her life again.

Her chest let out a painful pang, and she wrapped her arm around herself, hot, heavy tears rolling down her cheeks, a warm breeze flicking her hair around her neck.

"Oh, Bella…" Annabelle said softly behind her.

Bella spun around and was instantly enveloped by her friend's warm arms.

"Did everyone hear?" Bella cried into her shoulder.

"No…at least, I don't think so. Edward grabbed me to come and help you. He said you…what exactly happened, Bells?"

Bella just sobbed. Annabelle stroked her back softly. "It's gonna be okay, Bella, whatever happened."

"I'm a horrible person," Bella said between sobs. "Alec heard me tell Edward I love him."

Annabelle tensed slightly. "Shit."

"I just need to go home," Bella said shakily. "I need to talk to him."

"I'll get you an Uber," Annabelle said soothingly.

Bella stared out at the road as they waited, her chest feeling hollow. The street was a kaleidoscope of colors, blue, green, red. The sound of the city was deafening, pounding in your ears when you were outside and dropping to a hum when you entered closed rooms.

At least, it usually was. Right now, Bella couldn't hear anything but the sound of Alec saying her name in that quiet, broken voice.

What had she done?

The apartment was quiet when she walked through the door, and she instantly knew Alec wasn't home. His keys weren't strewn on the countertop like they always were, even though they had a hook for them. His shoes weren't neatly by the door; his jacket not slung over a chair instead of in the closet. Bella's heart sunk deep. He wasn't here, but where was he? Where could he have gone?

She walked over to the couch and kicked off her heels, pulling her knees up to her chest as she sobbed. How had this happened to her? How had she let herself get caught up in Edward again? He walked around, acting like he'd changed, but he hadn't. He hadn't respected the fact she was with Alec; he'd pushed her, flirted with her, seduced her. Riled her up on purpose with Tanya, knowing it would make her jealous. He knew she'd break; knew she couldn't resist him.

Edward didn't love her. He wasn't even capable of the emotion. Bella was a game to him, just like she always had been. She felt a deep wrench under her ribs at the thought and placed her hand there, trying to breathe through the tightness constricting her chest.

She'd ruined things with Alec, someone who genuinely cared for her, who had never played games—who loved her. Edward had torn her world apart for his own amusement because he could because she let him. Bella buried her face in the pillow and sobbed brokenly.

The sound of a lock turning in the door had Bella sitting up instantly. A slight glow lighted the room from outside, the sun rising. She must have been asleep for hours. Bella stood up and wiped the sleep from her eyes, blinking blearily. Her neck was aching, and her hand was completely numb.

The door swung open, and Alec stepped into the room.

Bella's voice rasped, "Alec…"

He looked up at her, his blue eyes bloodshot. She rushed over to him, and he held out his hand, stopping her.

"Al-"

"I love you, Bella," his voice broke on her name, shattering her.

Hot tears burst from Bella's eyes, and her throat closed. "I'm so sorry," she managed to get out, the words choking her. "Alec, I'm so-"

Alec pressed his hand to his head. "I've been wandering the streets all night trying to...understand, but I'm just…" He looked up at her, his expression drawn, "You kissed him?"

Bella squeezed her eyes shut, "Yeah."

Alec's intake of breath was horribly loud, and Bella felt her knees weaken. "I don't know what to fucking do," Alec rasped. "What am I supposed to do, Bella?"

Bella opened her eyes, but she could barely see, she was crying so hard. "I'm so sorry, Alec; I'm so sorry."

"You love him?" Alec's voice trembled, and her heart broke as she realized he was crying too.

"I don't want to," Bella choked out, "I wish I didn't."

"I feel like such an idiot. I knew there was something…the way he looked at you at Rose and Em's, the way everyone was acting. He's the guy, isn't he? The one who broke your heart when you were still in high school?"

Bella placed a hand on her chest as her heart dropped. "I should have told you."

"You should have," Alec said in a low tone. "Why didn't you?"

Bella's insides twisted. "Because I…I didn't know what to say."

"Do you want to be with him?"

Bella shook her head firmly. "No! No, I…Edward is toxic, he's all wrong for me, I just…"

"Love him anyway," Alec finished, his blue eyes meeting hers, shining with tears.

"Alec, I wish…" Bella cried, "I w-wish…" Her knees fell out from under her, and she dropped to the floor, sobbing, the sharp pain from the impact, nothing in comparison to what she felt inside. "I wish I didn't love him, but I c-can't help it. I'm a horrible person; I don't deserve you."

"Bella…" Alec's voice was slightly softer, and she lifted her head to him. "You're not horrible…"

"Don't be so nice to me," Bella wailed. "You should yell at me; you should throw me out of the apartment; you should hate me."

"Maybe," Alec muttered, "but I can't help but love you, so I can't."

His words made her feel even worse, and Bella felt like she was going to be sick, the guilt twisting her stomach to pieces.

"Alec, I am so fucking sorry," Bella choked out.

"Who kissed whom first, Bella?" The room fell into silence, and Bella's heart lurched. She willed herself to say it was Edward, that he'd kissed her, that he'd cornered her. But she'd hurt Alec enough, lied to him enough.

Alec's eyes widened as he stared at her, and he suddenly spun around and threw his fist into the front door. The loud sound splintered into the room, making Bella gasp.

"Fuck!" Alec yelled. Cool, collected Alec, who never yelled at her, who always smiled. She'd broken him. Maybe she was just as toxic as Edward.

Bella's heart shattered in her chest, a hollow ache stretching to her toes. Blood was gushing from Alec's fist, and she quickly stood, going to grab his hand to inspect it, but he pulled away from her.

"You can stay here; I'm gonna go to a hotel," Alec muttered. "I can stay there while you find another apartment."

A sob fell from Bella's throat. "Y-you want me to move out?"

"I don't want-" Alec cut himself off, "I just can't, Bella…you're in love with another man, and I…I-"

He was avoiding her gaze, couldn't even look at her.

"Alec, please, I-"

His jaw tightened. "Bella, I want to be with you, but I need to not be with you. You're…" His voice caught. "Fuck this is…it breaks my fucking heart, knowing you love him, that you kissed him."

Bella swallowed bile, fighting the urge to be sick. "Alec I…"

"Please don't," Alec said quietly. "If you care about me, you'll let me do this because if you fight hard, Bella, I'll give in, and I can't…I can't bear it."

Bella felt a sudden numbness flood her, a chill going down to her bones. Alec should be with someone who loved him, who would never treat him so terribly. She had to let him go; he deserved better than her. She was a horrible person.

"Alec," Bella said brokenly, feeling a heaviness settle in her chest, "I'll go. You stay here. I'll be back to get my stuff tomorrow while you're at work. I can stay with Annabelle until I get a new place. This is your apartment." Alec was silent. "I don't deserve you," Bella continued, "and I don't deserve your forgiveness either. I…I want you to know that no one has ever treated me with as much kindness, and love, and respect, as you." Her tears had stopped; she didn't have it in her to cry anymore. Something had broken, deep inside of her, the part that felt worthy of love, of happiness.

As she gathered her stuff in a bag and walked past Alec sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, all she felt was empty.

o-O-o

"Bella, you've gotta shower and eat something, babe," Annabelle said softly, stroking Bella's hair.

Bella ignored her. She couldn't eat. Her relationship with Alec was over, and Edward had fucked her around again. She knew which one hurt worse, and she hated herself for it.

"Look, it's going to be okay. I actually think this might be for the best, for both of you; you weren't truly happy with Alec, you didn't love him, you know that."

Bella's head snapped to Annabelle, her eyes narrowing. "So… what? I'm not allowed to be upset?"

Annabelle rolled her eyes. "Is that what I said?"

"I should have loved Alec," Bella stressed. "I would have if Edward hadn't ruined me."

"Bella…" Annabelle's voice was sympathetic. Bella closed her eyes, squeezing her arms around herself. She had to go to work in a couple of hours. She was on the night shift, which usually sucked, but she knew Edward wouldn't be there until the morning, so that made it slightly better, even if she'd have to endure him for a few hours.

The thought of seeing him made her want to break something. When she'd gotten to Annabelle's, she'd been so broken that she'd spent two days buried in duvets and even called in sick to work. Now that had faded, and all that was left was burning hot anger. She was doing well, her life had been good, maybe not perfect, but it was good. Then he'd come in like a fucking wrecking ball and ruined everything. Bella refused to let him break her this time. Fuck him. Fuck him and his stupid hold over her. Bella hated him, hated herself for loving him. She wouldn't let herself fall into his trap again, wouldn't let herself be seduced by him. No matter how much she wanted him, Edward Cullen would never touch her again.

o-O-o

The shift passed by uneventfully. Luckily for Bella, she was utterly swamped, and she threw herself headfirst into her work, barely coming up for air. She spent most of the night checking in on Mr. Demarco, who insisted she call him Danny. He was eighty-nine and absolutely hilarious. He called Bella, "Doll" in a southern drawl and spent most of his time talking about his wife, Pattie. Danny Demarco's smile when he talked about his wife was the best thing Bella had ever seen. His chocolate-brown, crinkled eyes, shining with joy. She couldn't help but feel a pang in her chest when she saw it. That's what love was supposed to be, happy and pure. Not like what she felt for Edward, twisted and painful.

Danny was on watch for a potential brain bleed. He was on blood-thinning medication from his mechanical heart valve op a few months ago and had taken a fall in his kitchen earlier that afternoon. He was sweet as anything with her, even though she had to keep waking him up and the smiles she gave him weren't forced, despite her terrible mood.

Bella was so focused on work that when Annabelle appeared in front of her, holding a paper bag, she started in surprise. Annabelle pressed the bag into her palm, and Bella's stomach growled, her mouth watering at the delicious cinnamon and banana scented smell wafting from the paper.

"Is this…" Bella stared at her in shock. "Did you go and get me Tommie Line's Banana Bread?"

"I did." Annabelle smiled. Tommie Line was a bakery right by UIC, where she and Annabelle had gone to college. It was their favorite place in Chicago, and the banana bread was the reason she'd gained ten pounds in freshman year. Bella was stunned into silence; it would have taken Annabelle over an hour to go there and back. "It's not hot anymore, but-" Annabelle was cut off by Bella flinging her arms around her.

Annabelle's breath came out in a whoosh, and she laughed, hugging Bella back tightly. "Don't be too happy with me; I did it for totally selfish reasons. I really fucking wanted some banana bread; shit is like crack."

"I love you, and you are a wonderful human," Bella mumbled against Annabelle's shoulder. Annabelle ran off to get to rounds, and Bella walked down the hall, clutching her paper bag with the banana bread tightly. She was going to hold out on eating it until she got to Annabelle's so she could heat it up first.

A low voice called out to her from the right, and Bella flinched, almost dropping the bread as Edward stepped in front of her.

"Bella, can we talk?" Edward asked her softly, his vibrant green eyes searching hers. She hated how much his appearance affected her, how the sight of him took her breath away, how something tightened in her lower belly as she inhaled his aftershave, how gorgeous he looked with stubble dusting his angular jaw.

She swallowed, then stepped aside and walked past him, faster now. She just needed to get to her locker, and then she could go home.

"Bella!" he growled behind her, causing her skin to tingle, her heart crashing into her ribs.

Bella moved even faster and then gasped as she felt a burning hand wrap around her arm gently but firmly, halting her in her tracks and pulling her into one of the rooms aligning the corridor.

Bella spun around in fury as Edward shut the on-call door, blocking it with his large body as he stared her down.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, searching her eyes.

Bella's fists clenched, the paper bag rustling tightly in her right hand. "Let. Me. Out."

Edward frowned at her. "Bella…"

"Get the fuck out my way," Bella hissed.

Edward flinched. "I…"

Bella stepped forwards and gripped his T-shirt with her spare hand, getting right in his face. "Listen to me," she practically spat. "I hate you. I don't want anything to fucking do with you, so leave me the fuck alone."

Edward swallowed, looking down at the floor, for once not a shred of confidence or cockiness on his face. "I…I fucked up Bella, with Tanya, I'm sorry. I just…wanted…"

"I don't fucking care," Bella growled. "You think I want you, Edward, but you're wrong. What I feel for you…it's wrong. You're toxic, and I could never want you, even if you were the last person on earth. We both know you don't love me, that I'm just a game to you. You aren't capable of loving anyone but yourself, so why don't you do us both a fucking favor and stay the hell out of my way."

Edward stared at her, and the expression on his face tore her in half, shredded her to fucking pieces. The hurt in his green eyes floored her, and for a second, she almost let herself care, let herself take back what she'd just said to him, but then she remembered how he'd played her, how he'd manipulated her.

She wrenched him to the side by his shirt, shoving him out the way, and stormed out of the door.

And let the angst commence...

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