A/N's will be at the bottom
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters
The 1st year
Naruto opened his eyes. Immediately he recoiled. Light shone in his face. It burnt his pale skin. Where was he? He couldn't really remember. Then again there were a lot of things he couldn't remember these days.
His body was motionless as his eyes roamed the area calmly. He was on a street. It smelt vile as he watched people walk pass. His body lay on a wall. His back propped against it he momentarily noticed that he was sitting in his own vomit.
A wane smile crept on to his face. He remembered now. It had only taken a few moments. He had been at another bar last night. He had drunk more than he should have. He always did that now and as soon as he was intoxicated he always started fights.
Last night had been bad. He had long since stopped using his ninjutsu sticking to all out brawling instead. It made him feel better that way. It helped him forget a little bit more.
Either way when Naruto had picked a fight with a man last night he had gotten into more trouble than he needed. One man wouldn't have been a problem. One man and six of his friends were another story.
They had beaten him in front of everyone. Then they took his money. They spat at his face calling him vulgar names. Then he remembered getting thrown out of the bar. From there Naruto figured he had just crawled to the wall and passed out.
"How long has it been? How long has it been since I abandoned Konoha? " He felt dizzy. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. He didn't want to eat. In all honesty he didn't want to live.
Naruto Uzumaki was a broken man. He'd lost his home, his family, his life. He had nothing. Was there a point in living when you had nothing to live for? He always asked himself this. After thinking about it he always came to the same answer.
No.
In the year that he had run away he couldn't recall more than a few memories. They all involved him getting drunk and then getting his ass handed to him. He couldn't really sleep for memories haunted his slumber.
They were fading though. His memories were slowly leaving him. He was becoming man with no future and no past. It was what he wanted. He wanted to die. He didn't really know when he decided this, but now sitting on the ground he was sure of it.
"Right here. This is where I will die." Naruto felt something hit his head. Looking down he saw money on the ground. He didn't move to pick it up. This had happened often. People took enough pity toss some money, but not to really stop and help.
Something he had come to understand was that the world was cruel. There weren't good people in this world. They did not exist. His beliefs back as a ninja had been naïve and foolish. There was no peace in a world of hate.
Hate was vile and cold. Everyone hated. No one wanted peace that was the thing. They were happy being cruel and hatefully. They were happy. At one time this realization would have infuriated Naruto, would have driven him to change the world.
Yet Naruto was not the same boy he was a year ago. No, that boy had died long ago. Mentally he had died and only this hollow shell of a body remained. Soon even that would die.
Now Naruto could care less what people did. Who they hurt, who they killed it didn't matter. It was all a cycle of hate. He couldn't stop it even if he wanted to.
Lying on the wall Naruto closed his eyes. He did not plan to open them again. His skin had long since paled no longer the deep tan it had been. His blonde hair had lost its shine and was dirty with blood and sweat.
His blue eyes were hollow. He wasn't really always there too caught up in his own thoughts. His body which had once been trained and molded into strength was weak. All the strength had left his arms and legs.
By any bystander he already seemed dead. His body was lifeless as he sat unmoving. And if he were any normal person he would have been dead. But he wasn't normal. No matter how much he wished he was.
"Boy get up." Someone still wanted Naruto to live.
"Not for my well-being though." Naruto thought mirthlessly.
"Get up." The fox's voice was tired. Even he had a limit and Naruto had been pushing them. The only reason he still lived that he still breathed in this world was because the fox had kept him alive. After all, if he died the fox went with him.
"Would that be such a bad thing though?" Wasn't the fox the source of his misery? The reason he'd been betrayed over and over and over. Maybe.
Yet the more Naruto thought about it the more he thought that if they had really loved him, really acknowledged him then the fox wouldn't have mattered.
"Uzumaki! Do something!" He heard the fox hiss. The chakra being was so weak that Naruto knew it was an empty threat. So Naruto ignored the fox.
He wanted Naruto to live; he wanted Naruto to live so that he wouldn't die. Naruto wouldn't play though. He was ready for the shadow's embrace.
"I don't have the chakra to keep you living forever boy! Your body is failing you or have you not realized that?" The Kyuubi was willing to say anything to convince the boy to live. He knew it was pointless, but he had to try.
The fox refused to die such a meaningless death. It was beneath a creature like him. This was not how he would go out. Yet he realized how much of a toll it was keeping the boy alive. He wouldn't hold out much longer.
Even the great nine-tails was running out of chakra to heal the boy who constantly put himself through abuse. The past year for the blonde had not been pretty in the least.
Deep into a depression the blonde was bleak. No longer was he the same boy that he had been in the village. There had been more than a few occasions that the fox thought he had lost the blonde.
The first half of the year the blonde just wandered endlessly. At nights he would suffer from nightmares and during the day he would scream at seemingly nothing.
The boy had all but lost his mind. Kyuubi had long since realized that the pent up emotions he had held as a child growing up had no reason to be held back anymore. So instead the dark emotions were now always on the forefront.
There had been days when the blonde had refused to move just sitting there for weeks on end before he would once again get up and walk nowhere. He would pick meaningless fights and lose just for the thrill of it.
The second half of the year was where things had turned ugly. In the first part Naruto had at least moved and ate and lived even if it was meaningless the second half of the year he just stopped.
Stopped trying, stopped living. He teetered dangerously on the edge of insanity with death licking at his heels and Naruto had loved it.
He'd laugh when nothing was funny. He'd start sobbing uncontrollably. He'd pick fights at the first person he saw when he woke from slumbers. Worse yet he began testing the Kyuubi's limits.
Smart enough to realize Naruto could do almost whatever he pleased and not die thanks to Kyuubi's healing he began experimenting.
He'd cut his wrists and legs with kunai into deep gashes. Then he would watch as Kyuubi would hurry to heal them. He would go to the edges of cliffs smiling before taking leaps of fate. When he would talk to the fox on rare occasions he would watch on as the blonde went through tremendous mood swings.
It would be one second he was angry at the fox. "Fuck you asshole! I don't give a shit what you want fox. I'll do whatever I fucking please ya hear?"
Then the next he would try to goad him. Naruto mused silently before the chakra being in his mind. "How many times can I cut myself before you can't heal me? I mean for a being of chakra you're kinda shitty. Seriously who makes a fox the most powerful being in the world? That right there is a first class shithead."
And then there was when Naruto came to him pleading and desperate. On his knees Kyuubi would watch as he'd beg like a man with no pride. "Please! Please…. Just let me die. Let me end it. Why can't you just let me die? I deserve die! I'm worthless. Please"
The Kyuubi was at a loss. There seemed nothing he could do. He watched a once proud enigma transform into a pitiful and lost man. They would die. The Kyuubi could barely move himself these days. It was so much of an effort to keep the blonde alive.
If the boy didn't find a reason to live then the story of the Naruto Uzumaki the Kyuubi Jinchuriki would end much faster than some believed and there would be nothing the Kyuubi could do to stop it.
Naruto could feel his heartbeat. He could hear its low thrum in his ears. It lulled him in the darkness of his rest. The sounds of the streets were fading. The harsh reality of the world was leaving. He was ready to leave. He was ready to say goodbye.
"Hey mister…" Someone tapped his leg. He kept his eyes shut. They would leave soon. They always leave.
"Hey mister are you okay? Come on wake up…" Nudge, nudge. Again something tapped his leg more forcefully this time while they were at it. He couldn't hear his heartbeat anymore. The low thrumming in his ear faded. The sounds of the street blared once again.
Naruto opened his eyes. A girl stood in front of him. A very young girl dressed in rags. Her porcelain white face was smeared with dirt. Her dark black hair was dirty and her clothes were falling off her back. Still her onyx black eyes stared at him worriedly.
"Go home kid…." He croaked out. When was the last time he had heard his own voice? He couldn't remember. It sounded different.
"I don't have a home." The girl replied. Her eyes darted to the ground. Her eyes lost a little of their light. Naruto stared on with no compassion.
"Don't care; go to wherever you piss then. Just leave me the hell alone." His compassion for others had died. The girl looked on defiantly.
"I can't go. You're sick." She said gently as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You need food."
Naruto raised an eyebrow at the girl. "And you have food?" He asked even though he knew the answer was no.
"I know where I can get some. I can't leave you here hungry mister. That just ain't right." Naruto looked on a little surprised. Why would she do something for him? Why would she try and show him kindness?
Looking at her he saw that the young girl really couldn't have been more than eight. She herself looked deathly thin. If anyone needed a meal it was her. Something struck him about her though. She seemed oddly familiar to him in a way.
Looking at her he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt sympathy.
He swallowed his bitterness and spoke. "Hey kid, don't worry about me okay? Go on and get yourself some food and go on back to wherever you sleep. In this world you watch out for no one else but yourself." His voice was softer this time. He was glad for that.
The girl shook her head and smiled. "Hey mister what's your name?" She asked. Naruto's eyes flashed for a brief second. What was his name? He'd gone by so many now…
"Naruto…" He said hesitantly. "The names Naruto."
She laughed. "Well mister Naruto you're wrong and I'm gonna prove it." Naruto felt himself genuinely smile. It was soft, gentle, and most importantly it was true. It'd been a long time since he had smiled like that. The girl seemed gentle to a fault.
"I'm going to go get us some food okay? I'll be right back I promise!" She got up and ran away just like that. Her raven hair flowed behind her. Naruto followed her with his eyes until she disappeared into the crowd.
If she was smart she wouldn't come back. Deep down he thought he knew that she wouldn't come back. In this world people only thought of themselves. Kindness like that did not exist.
As he looked out into the crowd a thought came to him. "I never even got her name…"
Naruto laid his head back against the wall. He hadn't moved from his spot. He would lay here until he died so there was no reason to move. Sunset was at the heels of the sky and he watched on silently.
"I knew she wouldn't come back." It had been hours since the little girl he saw earlier had disappeared into the mass of people. He had told her not to come back and she had not. It was better this way.
It was better that she learned that she should only watch out for herself now rather than later and get fucked over because of it. He had learned that way. He had learned the hard way and he would never be the same because of it.
The fox had been silent for a while probably too tired to speak anymore. Naruto was tired to. His eyes were heavy and his body felt like stone.
The fox couldn't heal him anymore. He had a feeling. It was finally over. This would be the night. He glanced at the fading sunset.
The skies were heavy. Gray clouds misted in and out of the fading light. There weren't any people on the streets. Everything was silent. He realized how cold it was as the wind picked up.
"It's going to rain." He thought. Naruto didn't mind much. Rain was nice. It would be soothing. He'd feel no pain in the end. He closed his eyes. The shadows were calling to him. They were finally ready to take him.
Louder and louder he heard them call his name. He felt the rain drops on his face. Soft and gentle not a downpour at all. His name was called louder.
"Mister Naruto…" Let the shadows come. Let them take his pain away.
"Mi-mister Naruto" He heard coughing. That wasn't shadows. His eyes snapped open. He looked out. The rain was coming harder now. It misted around him in a cloak.
"Mister Naruto I came." He looked out. There not far from him was a small figure. Crawling. The figure was crawling on the ground.
"Kid?" He called out. He thought he heard disbelief in his voice. She came closer into view. He wiped the rain from his face. Why was she crawling?
"Hey kid you shouldn't be out here in the rain!" He called out to her. She came closer slowly. Inch by inch she got closer. He smelt blood. Why? Something was sticking out of her back. He strained his eyes to see. It looked familiar.
"I got the food Mister Naruto. Just like I said I would I got the food." Her voice sounded weak. Weaker than it should have been.
A kunai. It was a fucking kunai. The girl crawling in the rain stopped. He heard her cough. He heard her wheeze as she took a struggled breath in. Something snapped in Naruto.
"Move" His mind demanded. He tried to reach her. He tried to stand and go to her, but his body would not go. "Move!" She stopped coughing. She wasn't moving. He needed to go to her.
"Come on! Move damn it move!" She needed him. She needed him to be by her. He needed to help.
"Mister Na-Naruto" He heard her barely whisper. His eyes widened.
"Move!" He bellowed. His arm reached out first. It was painful. Was he really that weak? Naruto took a labored breath. His leg moved next. Arm, leg, arm, leg he crawled over to the fallen girl. It was raining harder now and the water beat on his back. It was absolutely freezing at this point.
"Hey kid, come on, I'm here kid." He said frantically. He picked the girl up with his arms and laid her gently in his lap.
He couldn't stand. He didn't have the strength to do it on his own and it'd be impossible to do it with himself and the girl. He hunched
over her trying to shield her best he could from the rain. It was so cold.
She was bleeding heavily. Her face was bruised and even in the rain he could see that. It looked as if she had been beaten. And the kunai in her back worried him.
The girl opened her eyes. They were misty and seemed a little unfocused. She smiled at him. Her hand went into her clothing and she pulled out a dirty piece of bread. "I told you I'd get the food mister Naruto."
He smiled at her. There were tears in his eyes. He nodded at her. "Yeah you did huh?" He put his hand on her cheek before moving it down to the kunai. He gripped it tightly.
"Hey kiddo I gotta take this out okay? It might hurt a little bit. I promise I'll be real quick." He told her. The kunai looked as if it were lodged in her spine. That could cause problems worse than he feared. She nodded her head.
"Okay mister. Then we can eat."
"Definitely" He reassured her. Gripping the kunai he pulled it out in one swift motion. The girl didn't even so much as flinch. He knew his fears were realized then. The kunai probably severed her spinal cord. She would be paralyzed from the waist down.
He tried to hold back a sob. Why? Why had she done something so small and insignificant for him? The girl seemed to notice his sadness.
"Hey mister Naruto I'm real sorry I was late."
"It's okay. Can you tell me what happened?"
"I had to steal the food mister Naruto. I had to. I didn't have no money. I know it's wrong, but I had to get you food." She started laboriously. "The shopkeeper caught me though. I told him I'd pay him back soon as I could, but he didn't listen."
Naruto was silent. He held the bleeding girl in the rain. He didn't understand. He didn't ask the girl to get him food. He was ready to die. He'd been ready.
"Why? You didn't have to do this for me kid." He said softly, but his emotions raged. "You didn't have to do this for me kid!" It was his fault. It was all his fault.
"I had an obligation." She said it as if it were the most normal thing in the world. She was staring at the sky. The raindrops slid down her pale white skin. He noticed that her long black hair cascaded behind her and unto his lap.
"An obligation?"
"You couldn't care for yourself mister Naruto, but I could help you. Therefore it was my obligation you see?" She said softly. "My mother told me that if you had the power to help someone who couldn't help themselves then it was your obligation to do so. You can only be truly strong when you're protecting others."
Naruto eyes widened. What it meant to be truly strong? He hadn't thought about that in a long time. "Your mom?"
"Yeah." The little girl got a faraway look in her eyes. "She died when I was littler. I miss her mister Naruto I miss her a whole lot, but I know she'd be proud of me." She closed her eyes and her breathing slowed. Naruto nudged her.
"Hey come on stay awake kiddo you can't go to sleep on me yet." He told her. He glanced around. There was no one in the streets. No one to help him.
The raining slowed, but it seemed like it was getting colder. They were both shivering. Naruto tried to pull her closer to keep her warm. A thought struck him. "Hey kid I never got your name…" He couldn't believe he didn't know her name after all this.
She got a sad look on her face. "I don't have a name mister Naruto."
"What?" He asked incredulously.
"My mother said that she couldn't give me a name. She said when I heard my name I'd know it. And you know I just haven't heard it yet." Her hand grasped his. She was freezing.
Naruto didn't know what to say. She was going to die. He knew it, but he didn't want to accept it. She was too young. She was too innocent.
Holding her close he began to yell, "Help! Someone please help!" He looked through the streets. No one was appearing. "No…no it can't end like this."
"Help! Help please! Please…" He begged.
"Mister Naruto it's okay." He looked down at the little girl. It wasn't okay. This was not okay at all.
The rain had stopped. Naruto shut his eyes tight. It wasn't fair. This wasn't supposed to happen. He felt something on his nose. It was cold and light.
Opening his eyes he looked to the sky. His breath puffed out and he could see the little cloud in front of him. It was snowing. Another drop fell on his nose and then more. He looked down on the girl in his lap.
She was smiling. It was gentle and sweet. She wasn't in any pain at all. She was going to die, but she was going to die happy. Almost absentmindedly he thought of someone else from another time long ago.
She lifted her hand slowly towards the sky. A snowflake landed on her finger and melted. Naruto was surprised to hear himself speak.
"Haku." He said softly.
"Huh?" The little girl said surprised.
"Your name…what do you think of Haku?" He asked her.
"…Haku" She said as if testing it out. "Haku" A giant smile lit up her face. "Haku. My name is Haku!" Naruto smiled at her.
"Mister Naruto my name is Haku!" Her voice held uncontained joy. "Thank you mister Naruto! Thank you!" She started to cry. Naruto wanted to believe they were tears of happiness. Her voice got soft and it began to fade.
"Mister Naruto I'm glad I met you." She said. She looked to the blondes face. Raising her hand she touched Naruto's cheek trying to convey all of her emotions.
"I'm glad I met you to Haku." He leaned down and kissed her forehead lightly.
Her hand fell from his cheek. Her eyes closed softly. For the first time in a long time Naruto cried for someone else. He cried as his heart felt like it was being ripped. He held her closely.
It's funny how in his lifetime he had met two Hakus. And both times it was Haku that saved him. The first Haku had put him on the path of his nindo. And the second Haku had put him back on to his path when he had gone astray. He wouldn't disappoint them. Not again. Not when he knew they were both watching over him.
After all, he had a reason to live now. Naruto Uzumaki had an obligation to fulfill. He would protect the weak, those who couldn't protect themselves. He would protect them because he had the strength to do so. He would protect them in the memory of Haku. Both of them. That was his obligation. And he'd be damned if he didn't do a good job of it.
A/N - So if you didn't already get it from reading that was a flashback from a year after Naruto left. That was to kind of answer any questions about last chapter and the whole obligation thing. It also helped shape Naruto's character more and how he really began to fall apart. He will not be the same as he was in the village.
I added the Haku thing because I love Haku and her character. She will play a major role in developing Naruto's character. She was such a vital portion to the original series in shaping who Naruto was I was like why not do it again? So I hoped you liked that bit. This will probably end up coming up more than a few times as the story goes on which is why I decided to add it now rather than later like I had originally planned.
So that's that. What did you think? What'd ya like? What didn't ya like? Leave a review and let me know. Next chapter will be up real soon and that will get back on track with the plot. (Kage Summit) Catch ya later!
Thanks!
NoMan4u