Chapter 6: Soaring
Swirling, tingling excitement deep inside her chest, akin to fireworks bursting in the sky, woke Azula half an hour before the sun rose on the horizon: she couldn't remember the last time she'd looked forward to what a day would bring, let alone being excited over something as good-natured as learning to fly on a glider. There was an inherent innocence to the act of flying this way, an innocence she wasn't sure she had experienced before. Her ambitions had typically been practical, a matter of success, glory, perfection… not fun. Not happiness. Not reclaiming her lost strength and power through perfectly harmless means.
At least, she hoped it would be harmless - she had no idea how to fly, truth be told, and if she took off successfully, she hoped not to drift off in air currents that might sweep her off far from Sokka's reach… though the idea of flying across the sky, without a care in the world, detached from all that had ever caused her pain and grief, didn't sound so bad, not theoretically anyway. Yet something didn't feel right about it… probably the fact that Sokka wouldn't be flying with her, in all likelihood.
Maybe, if her glider proved successful, they could build one for him too. Then they could fly together, maybe even race each other, or compete over who could do the best loops and acrobatics in the air. The thought brought a smile to her face as she lingered in bed, shifting her position slightly as she waited for the sun to rise fully. Why was it so easy to find herself smiling foolishly at thoughts of things she could do with him? Perhaps it was Sokka, rather than gliding, that brought her to think of fun, of happiness… of looking forward to the future, creating new things, leaving the past behind and letting its constraining chains loosen up until they vanished completely.
Tingling sensations in her body brought her to smile further, as that image of flying off with him continued to enrapture her. Eventually, the thought of sitting on his lap as they flew on the same glider materialized in her mind, and as much as she was alone, and the privacy of her thoughts was still perfectly sacred, she blushed at that sudden idea.
"No way the glider would fly with two people…" she reasoned. Modifications would be in order if...
No, no, she had to stop thinking of something so childish and silly. No way Sokka would fly with her, not that way, and she'd do best not to think of it, not to let the tingles across her body continue to fill her with such an unfamiliar, enjoyable and alarming happiness...
Azula shook her head in a vain effort to drive the thoughts from her mind. They were simply… friends. That was what Sokka had said they were, hadn't he? Not that she really had any basis for understanding what that meant. Her friends… if they could be called that had turned on her. Not that she was blameless, Azula was smart and self-aware enough to know her own role in her downfall.
She had taken Mai and Ty Lee for granted all those years ago and paid a bitter price for it. The same was true to the members of her old group, who had turned against her as well. Somehow though, her burgeoning friendship with Sokka was different… It felt more natural. Not forced, not demanded by the trappings of Fire Nation royalty. It was strange. For the first time in her life, someone enjoyed being with her, not because duty demanded it, but of their own volition. It was surreal. It was new. It was beautiful. It was beyond frightening.
Her thoughts drifted in a dozen different directions. A vision of her in the clouds, Sokka's arms draped around her possessively, rose to the forefront of her mind. In the sky, in her imagination, she was free. Not bound to the infernal chains of her own body. His hands were pressed tight on her hips, slowly working their way up her outfit…
A gentle tapping on the door shook her from her reveries. There was no reason to dwell on impossibilities. Sokka hadn't shown any interest in her. She had seen him flirt with Ty Lee a dozen times, if anything he was a womanizer, and she wouldn't see herself become another conquest of his.
"Come in!"
When the door opened Azula found a wide grin on Sokka's face stretched from ear to ear. "Morning! So, are you ready to fly?"
With some difficulty, Azula was able to scoop up her legs by her arms and toss them over the edge of the bed. While the swirl of emotions and desires clashed with each other in her mind, she took the opportunity to dress into something more suitable for flying. Clothes of that sort were laid out for her just before she went to bed, and after Sokka had left for the night, she requested a few servants to help into a fresh pair of padded pants. All she needed to put on was a padded red leather jacket.
Sitting upright on the bed, her lips curled into a smirk. "Ready."
"Yeah, you look ready," Sokka nodded his head. "I was half expecting to help you dress into those clothes when I got here."
There it was again. Him teasing her. Or was he flirting? She disregarded the latter this time. They were just friends. This was just playful banter, something normal that all friends do… right?
"And have your dirty peasant hands all over me? You wish," she retorted in kind.
He merely chuckled, walking over to her wheelchair. "Well, you're peppy today. That's good. You really are ready to fly."
"Indeed. Now then, get me out of this bed. I want to see what the palace looks like from the air," she stated, holding out her arms.
Sokka helped her into the wheelchair, rolling her out the door and into the hallway at a rather brisk pace. From the massive open windows that lined their path she could see the sun cresting over the jagged horizon, rays of light streaming over the rim of the caldera. Only the few servants that tended to the morning duties were up, bowing as Azula and Sokka passed them. Some looked on with dread as they saw their princess being pushed in her wheelchair by a rather giddy looking tribesman. He seemed just as excited as her.
"This is a rather early hour for you to be up," Azula said. "I've heard you like to sleep in."
"You heard right. Today's different though," he stated. "Something like this, it's hard to sleep. The anticipation keeps you up."
"Truly," she nodded her head. "I must admit… taking your friend's advice was unusual."
"Like I said, Teo thinks outside the box. Looks beyond what some think is a limitation. But he just suggested all this. That building a glider and flying might help you. You weren't keen on this before but..." Unexpectedly, he leaned forward to whisper something into Azula's ear. "I'm glad you wanted this, Azula."
Her cheeks flushed and a pleasant shiver ran up her spine as his lips grazed her ear. She couldn't help but wonder how she'd react to feeling his lips press against her own. She smiled to herself as she imagined it, grateful that Sokka was standing behind her as he wheeled her into the courtyard. It was pointless though, to imagine such things. They were just friends, she reminded herself once again. His flirtation meant nothing. Even if there was a chance he'd fall for someone like her, he certainly wouldn't in her current condition. Why would he want to be with someone who presumably would be dependent on him, someone he'd have to serve?
"I do," she muttered quickly, "Now let's try it already."
"Okay!" he laughed. "Let's get you set up."
She watched as he proceeded to fasten the glider to her wheelchair, listening to him explain out loud what he was doing. His attentiveness and seriousness with regard to all the safety precautions let her know how much he cared. But whether he cared more for her well-being or seeing his contraption work was unclear.
"Use this lever when you'd like to brake, and that's pretty much it!" He stood in front of her chair, grinning widely. "Are you ready?" he asked with eager anticipation, placing his hands on her shoulders.
She couldn't help but think he'd use any excuse in the book to touch her, and that he probably did the same thing to every other woman, and yet, she didn't mind. His touch comforted her and excited her all at the same time.
Maybe it wasn't the time to think about those things, about whatever she might mean to him, if she even did, or about whatever experiences he could've had in the past, or whatever behavior he'd indulged in before: for the past weeks, he had practically stood with her from dawn to dusk, watching over her, looking after her, offering her every bit of help he could. Maybe it was merely because she was Zuko's sister… maybe it was because he felt responsible for not helping her out more during the battle against Zirin. Whatever the reason, though, he had offered his generosity freely, and she clutched at it now, tightly, her eyes meeting his with eagerness she could barely contain. Maybe none of this would mean a thing in a couple of months… but right now, it meant the world to her that anyone had ever bothered to work as hard for her sake as Sokka had.
"I…" she vocalized softly at first, as her resolve to fly shifted in nature. Sokka raised his eyebrows, and her stomach jolted at the curious expression on his face. "I think I am. It's only…"
"You're a bit nervous?" he guessed. Azula shrugged and he smiled too. "That's okay. Truthfully… I am, too. This could go wrong, we both know that. Maybe we messed up the crafting at some point or another…"
"Or I'll end up stumbling on a rock when I wheel myself out and then I'll fall on my face like an idiot," Azula suggested. Sokka chuckled and shook his head.
"If it helps, I think you'd even look dignified when falling on your face, and trust me, that's not an easy thing to accomplish…"
"Says someone who frequently falls on his face?" she asked, teasingly. Sokka offered her a guilty smile.
"It's happened to me so many times that even if that happens on every single attempt to fly today, it won't even be a tiny fraction of my number," he said. "Look… I know it can be hard. I know it might not pay off the first time. Maybe we'll end up pissed at our fancy little glider if it doesn't do its job right, and we won't feel like trying it again. But… maybe it'll go right, at some point. Maybe we'll make it work. And I want to think that, if it does pay off, every mistake and every hardship will have been worth it."
His words echoed inside her chest, burrowing into her heart: she had chased perfection incessantly, infuriated when something failed, frustrated when she couldn't keep up with her own standards. Yet she still remembered the thrill of success when her fire had first flickered blue… the unbelievable bliss in sustaining that azure flame in her hands for longer than two seconds. The excitement, blended with fear, when she had first produced and directed lightning out into the sky… at that moment, the hardships, the complications in the journey, the stern indications of Lo and Li, even the demands of her father, who had constantly pushed her towards unleashing her full potential, had fallen to the wayside. None of that had mattered… because her heart had been alight with excitement and bliss, with the urge to do it again and again, until she had mastered the skills she had developed with tons of hard work.
This might fail, yes. It might not turn out right from the very start. But if it worked…
No. When it worked.
She wouldn't stop until she could fly. No matter how many days, weeks or months it took her to achieve that.
"Can I… ask you something?" she whispered, softly. Sokka, crouching before her, raised his eyebrows before nodding positively. "Like you said, we… we might not pull it off. We might not be successful right away. But even if we're not, you'll help me try again until it does, won't you? You started this, after all. If just because it's some sort of experiment for you, you have to see it through to the end…"
"It's not just some sort of experiment," Sokka said, with an amused, yet compassionate smile. "I'm not doing this because I want to test my skills as an inventor or something, this wasn't my invention at all! I… I'm doing this for you, Azula. All of it… it's for you."
Her mouth opened, but she couldn't seem to utter any words. Sokka smiled and dared place a hand on her knee, gently. She didn't swat it away, and he rubbed her skin gently over her padded pants…
Her eyebrows arched. Wait…
"I know this is all weird, new territory for the two of us," Sokka said, smiling fondly at her. "But I want to help you anyway. Something about you, well… it's convinced me there's nothing else I should be doing right now, nothing more worthwhile than helping you. One day you'll chase after me, running about while telling me off because I did or said something stupid… and I'll just enjoy it, because you'll be up on your feet again. It may take us years, decades, I don't know, but…"
"It… it could take that long," Azula said, as a surge of emotions seemed to throttle her, when a sudden knot tightened around her throat. This wasn't happening… it wasn't. No way…
"I'll stick around for every moment until then," Sokka assured her, grinning kindly. "As long as you'll have me… I'll be somebody for you to lean on, Azula. Always."
His smile faded when tears spilled down her face. It wasn't the first time he had seen her cry throughout these weeks… but it was certainly the first time he was utterly confused as to what was the source of her tears. He nearly inched away, attempting to raise his hand…
She clasped it, pressing it down to her knee again. Sokka froze, glancing at the contact between their hands before looking at her: hope, fear and confusion merged in those golden eyes, more beautiful today than they ever had been…
"I can feel it. Your hand. I… I can feel it, Sokka."
"Wha….? A-Are you serious?" Sokka sputtered.
Normally asking such a silly question of Azula would be rewarded with the harshest of glares and attitudes, but in this moment, no spirit or person in this realm or any other could succeed in dampening her mood. A smile transfixed her face and the sight of it was enough for Sokka to mirror the princess's own.
"Of course! Do it again!" she commanded.
He rubbed his hand lightly up and down her knee, searching her face for the confirmation that the sensation she was feeling was true and not some phantom feeling caused by the most forlorn of hopes.
"I know it! I swear it. I can feel your silly, gigantic hand." Azula broke into a most unladylike giggle.
Sokka wasn't sure what took him by surprise more. The giggle or the fact that Azula against all expectations and the prognosis of a half dozen doctors had regained at least some feeling in her legs. He took one of Azula's hands in his own whilst lightly kneading and massaging her knee with the other, maintaining the contact that had driven her into such a joyful mood.
"This is amazing… you're amazing!" he exclaimed.
Azula blushed, looking away and towards her legs. "Please, you ought not flatter me so much."
"No, I'm serious." Sokka protested. "I always knew if anyone could recover from something like this… It'd be you. You are amazing Azula, there isn't anything you can't do once you've set your mind on it. I'm just happy to be here and bearing witness."
"I am too," Azula admitted happily. Between his praise and his massaging, Azula was finding it very hard to keep up her cool and collected facade. Joy and relief had overcome her. It was the first time in many long weeks that she felt anything but grief and sorrow. She felt no need to hold back now.
"So, how numb do you feel? If you can feel my hand, then does that mean…" The words caught in Sokka's throat, held back by a sudden feeling of uncertainty. She could tell by his expression that he didn't want to jinx any of the good fortune that they had gained.
But she knew what he wanted to ask. If she could feel him, then could she move?
Her fingers tightened in his grasp and she concentrated as hard as she could. Even if the feeling of numbness was diluted by just a tiny amount, she wanted to press her luck just a bit more. A wiggle of her toe maybe, or a tiny twitch of her muscle, anything to indicate some kind of movement.
"Come on," she hissed through gritted teeth, pinching her eyes shut as she focused. Sokka believed in her. And what he said moved her beyond measure. If she could prove him right just one more time…
"... I feel as if bending stone would be easier than trying to get these legs to move," she joked, sighing as she loosened her grip on Sokka's hand. "But I feel so close to doing it, Sokka. I… I can do it. I know I can now."
"That's the spir - "
"L-Let's try again, one more time," she interrupted in her bubbling elation. "This time try to help me up a little, okay? Maybe I can't push myself up yet, but maybe I could stand with a little help." She knew she was probably getting ahead of herself, but she couldn't help it. She felt as if she were going to burst with joy.
"Okay," he said with an affirming smile before taking her hand in his once again. "I'm going to pull you up in three… two… one…"
She allowed him to help her onto her feet, using all her upper body strength to keep her balance.
"That's it! You're doing great!"
She felt him start to relax the tension in his arm, and for one glorious second, she swore she was standing up on her own. However, her legs gave out almost instantly, and she prepared to meet the ground.
Sokka swooped down to catch her, throwing a strong hand behind her left shoulder and grabbing her right wrist. She instinctively threw her left arm around his back. The position they were in reminded her of a classic ballroom dip, and naturally, she couldn't stop herself from imagining what it would be like to dance with Sokka. Maybe one day she'd be lucky enough to find out.
He held her there for a moment before pulling her up slowly. "Careful now, princess," he whispered, gazing intently into her eyes.
"Thank you again," she whispered back, her eyes momentarily flickering to his lips, "f-for the save."
"Anytime."
His face was so close to hers, so dangerously close. Her mind screamed, "JUST KISS ME ALREADY!" but instead she found herself saying, "M-Maybe we should try the glider." Spirits damn it, why did she say that?!
She only regretted her choice in words briefly… for it became apparent, within an instant, that Sokka hadn't heard her. That intense blue gaze bore into hers, stirring heat inside her that rose into her cheeks, flushing them red as that prickly nervousness took hold of her again, tingling underneath her skin. Her whole body struggled between running away and throwing her everything into this moment. She couldn't stand on her own, he still held her firmly with an arm across her lower back, but maybe if she leaned closer he would respond in kind. Maybe that was why his tender gaze lingered upon hers this way.
The hand that hadn't held her firmly rose up to her face, to her cheek, gently brushing a few stray hairs that had slipped out of place after she had nearly fallen earlier. His fingertips touched her skin, setting her ablaze with more of that tingling nervousness she suddenly grew to enjoy more than she should have. She had no idea what was happening… but she knew she didn't want it to stop.
She knew she should have been disappointed with herself. As much as she had progressed, it wasn't enough yet, was it? She should stand on her own, hold him with her own strength, not rely only on his willingness to keep her close to him… her chest heaved as unwanted thoughts scrolled through her mind: if she could stand, if she were her usual self, maybe none of this would be happening. If she achieved a full recovery, he would have no further reason, no further need, to hold her like this. Nobody stayed… not in her experience, at least. Her vulnerability had opened her up to him, and she wouldn't be quite so vulnerable again once she recovered. Once she did… he would walk away, wouldn't he? He would sooner run away than be in close quarters with her this way…
… But he had all the power in the situation right now, didn't he?
No one was forcing him to do this. No one had asked him to help her. He had offered, from the beginning, and she had allowed it regardless of how frustrated she felt, simply because she had hoped he'd know a way or two to help her heal, anything that could genuinely set her on the right path again. But he had no duty to her… no obligations, altogether. He could simply drop her now, laugh at her as she writhed on the ground, if he wished… he didn't have to caress her face so tenderly, leaning closer to her as his blue eyes fluttered closed, no one had asked him to…
Oh, forget it. She was sick of overthinking everything anyway.
She tightened her grip around his neck to pull him closer - weak and useless as her legs might be, the same wasn't true of her arms. If he had hoped to steal a kiss shyly, she ensured to sabotage his intent by pressing her lips fully to his, without wasting more thoughts on what could be or what should be: she wanted to cling to what was, to this very reality, no matter what a heartfelt kiss would mean for her, for them, in the long run.
He didn't react instantaneously. Sokka stiffened as she brought their lips together and for a moment Azula thought that she had misread everything in the most horrific fashion.
But then he responded.
It was fierce and possessive. It was kind and tender. It set her aflame and imbued her with power. She thought she could stand on her own with nary a modicum of support now. The feeling of joy and completion coursed through her veins, until quite tragically in her mind, Sokka pulled away with a grin playing across his handsome features.
"W-We should give flying another try," Azula whispered.
He quirked a brow and answered, "How about both?"
Azula cleared her throat as her cheeks flushed a light pink. Truth be told, she hadn't anticipated him humoring her flirting. Truth be told she hadn't meant to do it at all. "Glider. Now."
Sokka chuckled. Somehow the man was unperturbed by her commanding backpedaling. "How about this, princess?" He proposed, "if you can get this glider to fly, I can get these lips to glide over yours."
"You aren't smooth, Sokka."
He was still unperturbed. "The further you glide, the longer the kiss."
Azula blinked, staring rather openly at him. He was bold, she would give him that. She thought that it was this boldness that gave him his allure in the first place, among other things. Things like care and patience and his ability to tolerate her in spite of her weaknesses and her dreadful history.
"So this is a challenge now?" she asked, brow raised.
"It always has been. Just thought I'd give you an extra incentive." He shrugged.
"Fffine." She drew out the word. "Give me a start."
"Alright, same deal as before. When I say go, you push up."
He gave her a running start and she held out her hands. The duration of his hands being atop hers was woefully short, but the disappointment subsided when she found herself airbound. She wasn't exactly high off of the ground, maybe some several feet, but the feeling…
The feeling was exhilarating, liberating. It came with a sense of accomplishment - the same sense that had been stolen from her with her ability to walk. It came with a sense of freedom - something she didn't think that she ever had. And for a moment, one blissful moment she was glad to have lost her legs. Why would she want to walk when she could just fly instead.
Her moment of bliss came to a rude end when her wheelchair struck the ground and toppled over sending her sprawling some several feet. Her arms throbbed, freshly scraped and bleeding.
She was torn between laughing and crying. Laughing with the euphoria of flying that still hadn't left her system entirely. Crying at how short lived her moment had been. As it always seemed to be with her, an explosive burst of brilliance and pride had so abruptly ceased, giving way to shame and disappointment.
Sokka rushed to her side, panting lightly. "I know that you're all scraped up, probably pissed and frustrated, but if it makes you feel any better, I owe you a pretty long kiss."
With some difficulty she propped herself up by her elbows, trying to straighten her posture. Her gaze drifted from Sokka to the glider. Although the wings were in surprisingly good shape her wheelchair had lost one of its wheels, making the whole contraption tilt at an awkward angle. She blinked out of sheer astonishment, surprised at just how far she was from it. Other than scrapes, bruises, a little blood, grass stains, and torn up clothes, she was incredibly fortunate not to have made her condition worse. At least she didn't think anything was broken. Her luck worked in strange ways.
She then smiled slyly up at him, grunting as she tried to support her upright posture with her arms. "I heard that long kisses make bruises feel better. Care to test that? Seems I have a few now."
Surprised, Sokka chuckled as he knelt down beside her, his arm slipping around her back to support her weight. "I wouldn't mind at all. I'm just surprised that you aren't in a pile of your own limbs. You flew pretty far out of your seat! I thought the worst had happened."
Her arm hooked over his shoulders, pressing her weight against him. "Oh please. I doubt I can get much worse than this."
"Thankfully you didn't… at least I hope you didn't." He gave Azula a once-over, inspecting her lower body for anything worse than a scratch. His brow was heavily set, looking utterly serious as he ran his hands over her legs to feel for any broken bones. She found that strangely endearing.
She did wince at an unexpected surge of pain when Sokka ran his hand over her ankle. It was dull, diluted by the numbness that still stubbornly clung to her lower body, but it was there. She groaned at his touch.
"You felt that?" he asked.
"Yes. It's still dull, but I can at least feel a tiny sliver of pain."
Sokka nodded his head slowly. "That's good and bad. Fortunately nothing is broken. I do see some bruising around your ankles and knees," he said. "But looks like wearing padded clothing really helped. Good call."
"It pays to be prepared for something like this," she smirked.
"Yeah. Probably should wear some kind of head protection next time though." He scratched at the side of his head. "Something with padding. Oh, and probably fix up your wheelchair to have a strap of some kind. I want to see you fly, just not out of your seat."
"But Sokka, didn't you know? I absolutely love falling face first into the dirt." She feigned sincerity and Sokka chuckled as he shook his head.
"Who would have thought you and Toph had something in common." He leaned in to kiss her mud-stained forehead. Then he let out a reluctant sigh. "We won't be flying more today unfortunately. The glider is fine, but your wheelchair needs to be fixed up. When it landed I saw one of the wheels break on impact. That's what sent you flying out of your chair. Might need Katara to take a look at you too."
"What a shame. I wanted to get back in the air." Her eyes lit up and she clasped Sokka's tunic tightly, surprising the tribesman as she smiled at him. "I was flying, Sokka. Did you see me? It was amazing! When I left the ground I…" With child-like enthusiasm she struggled to describe just what she had experienced in that joyous moment. "... I was like a bird. Like a hawk even. No, wait, phoenix! Gliding on the wind, weightless and free. I can't believe it, I - " Her tone dropped as she noticed he was giving her a silly grin. "Why are you looking at me like that?" She thought perhaps he was making fun of her overzealousness.
"I'm just really happy for you! I… I don't think I've ever seen you this happy before. And I…" He chuckled softly. "I'm happy that I could play a role in your happiness, that's all." He waited for a response but received none. "What, no witty retort?"
"No," she smiled with a light shrug. "You're not wrong. You've been… wonderful. Relentlessly patient and selfless."
"Go on…" he teased.
"And ridiculously handsome," she teased back. "And…" She smirked. "And I'm going to need you to do me another favor."
"Ah, now I get it, all those compliments," he laughed. "What can I do for you, milady?"
"Well, my wheelchair's busted, so…"
"So you'd like me to carry you back inside?"
"Mmhmm." She flashed him a cute, innocent smile.
"Well how could I say no to that?" He picked her up bridal-style and proceeded to carry her back inside the palace.
"I could get used to this, you know." She could actually feel his arm supporting her legs. It was a faint feeling, but it was there. Despite the pain from her bruises, she reveled in it. Any feeling at all was a good feeling.
"Oh, I bet you could." He carried her all the way back to her room, stopping in the hall outside her bedroom door. "So…" He grinned mischievously. "Now that flying lessons are over for the day, how ever shall we pass the time?"
"You tell me, "she said, blushing. "You're the idea guy after all."
"I'm sure I can think of something," he breathed before kissing her deeply.
His kiss put her in a trance. Her surroundings completely faded away as she melted into his embrace. That was until the spell was broken by an all too familiar voice.
"WH-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"
It was Zuko.