The next morning, Carina got up and headed to work, stopping by to check on Maya who was sleeping.
"She was stable all night," Teddy said, "Her oxygen is still holding at 95. Oh, and I forgot to mention, but we decided to get her going on some remdesivir and dexamethasone yesterday morning to try to get her lungs going the right way. I am going to have Andrew get another chest x-ray this morning, but for now, she is good."
"Grazie Teddy," Carina said, nodding as she went into the blonde's room, planning on just holding her hand for a minute while Maya slept.
However, as Carina sat down, Maya's eyes cracked open.
"Buongiorno Bambina," Carina smiled, "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Not good," Maya said, coughing, "Nauseous again."
"Did Teddy tell you they started you on new meds yesterday?" Carina asked, hitting the call button to try to get some anti-nausea meds in Maya before she actually got sick.
Maya nodded, "And told me this was a possible side effect."
"Yes?" the nurse asked, walking in.
"Maya is having some more issues with nausea," Carina said, "Could you ask Dr. Altman if she can have something?"
"Dr. Altman already put it in her chart just in case," the nurse nodded, "I'll be right back."
Carina stayed until Maya's stomach was feeling better, holding her hair when the medicine didn't kick in fast enough before helping her calm down.
"I have to work, Bambina," Carina said, "Would you like me to see if you can have a tablet to call Andy and Vic?"
"Please," Maya nodded, not quite as tired at the moment.
"Alright," Carina said, getting up.
Once she got Maya set up with the tablet, she have her hand a quick squeeze, the closest thing they had to a kiss at the moment, before leaving the room, going to change before shift.
Maya, meanwhile, called Vic, the younger woman answering pretty quickly.
"Hey," Vic said, trying not to let how worried she was at how sick Maya looked, "How are you doing?"
"I don't know," Maya said, coughing, "They started me on some standard COVID drugs yesterday so hopefully those work. How are you guys?"
"Well, I am tired," Vic said, "But other than that and a mild headache, I am feeling ok. Andy hasn't woken up this morning so I don't know how she's feeling."
"I'm glad you two are ok," Maya nodded, coughing, "Because this sucks."
"I'm sorry you're so sick," Vic said, frowning as she listened to Maya's breathing, "Have you done much besides sleep?"
"Changed my POA," Maya said, rubbing her eyes. "Who was it before?" Vic asked, knowing if Maya changed it, it was now Carina.
"Lane," Maya said, pulling up her blankets as she felt a chill.
"Yikes," Vic said, "Yeah, good thing you changed it. Carina will make much better choices."
"How did you know it's Carina?'" Maya said, coughing.
"Because the only other person you would even consider is Andy and then I would have heard about it," Vic shrugged.
"I actually thought about you too," Maya said, starting to feel sleepy again.
"Really?" Vic said, smiling, "Wow. Thank you, I think. But Carina is the best choice. She's a doctor. Wait, why did you need POA? Are they that worried?"
"Everyone says no," Maya said, "But I think maybe. I'm ok for now though."
"You have to be ok for more than just now," Vic said, tears filling her eyes, "Because I need you to be ok for a long time."
"I will be," Maya said, coughing again.
"Good," Vic said, wiping at her eyes.
"I'm probably going to fall asleep, Vic," Maya said, yawning, "Sorry."
"No, you rest," Vic said, "Thanks for calling. We've got no plans apart from a Harry Potter Marathon this afternoon if we aren't too tired so call whenever."
Maya nodded, curling up in bed, falling asleep as Vic hung up.
The next time Maya woke up, it was when a nurse came in to take a chest x-ray a few hours later.
"I'll have Dr. Deluca come talk to you about these when he gets a chance," the nurse said as Maya settled again after the photos were taken.
Maya nodded, coughing as she did so. She glanced up, seeing her oxygen was low again, only 89. She concentrated on taking as deep of breaths as she could, but her chest felt heavy and sore. Andrew came in a few minutes later.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, looking at her vitals as the alarm started going off again, alerting them that Maya's oxygen was again on the decline.
Andrew reached up and silenced the monitor.
"Ok, Maya, your chest x-ray is looking a little worse today than yesterday, and with these numbers on your oxygen…" Andrew said, watching as her oxygen went down a little more, "Maya, I think we are going to have to intubate you. You are decompensating and…"
"Feels like I can't breathe," Maya coughed.
"I know," Andrew said, hitting the call button, "We are give your lungs a break, give the drugs a chance to work. It's going to be ok."
"Car…" Maya said before she started coughing again.
"I know," Andrew said, grabbing his tablet and paging his sister, knowing that having her watch Maya get intubated would probably be traumatic, but finding out she wasn't there with her when she was would be worse, "She'll be here in a minute."
The nurses came in with the intubation supplies, Andrew getting everything set up. A minute later, Carina came running in.
"What's going on?" she asked, the tools, "No."
"It's just going to give the drugs a chance to work and let her lungs have a break," Andrew said, looking at his sister, hoping she could stay strong until he put Maya under.
"Si," Carina nodded, keeping her voice neutral, going to where Maya could see her, "Bambina, you are going to be ok. Just relax. Andrea is going to give you something to make you sleep, and then you are going to feel better. I am right here. Just be calm."
Carina held Maya's hand as Andrew got everything ready, looking at his sister for confirmation that he was good to go.
"I love you Maya," Carina said, giving her a watery smile.
"I… Love… you… too… Carina," Maya said and when she finished, Carina gave Andrew a nod, the OB just holding her hand until she fell asleep.
"Why don't you not watch," Andrew said, getting ready with the tube. Carina nodded, just looking at Maya's hand as Andrew inserted the tube, bagging her as a nurse made sure he had it in place.
"It's good," the nurse said and Carina finally looked up as the nurse took over bagging so Andrew could tape the tube.
"Bambina," Carina said, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"We need to move her up to COVID ICU," Andrew said, "They have the ventilator."
Carina nodded, her pager going off just then.
"I… they need me to deliver a baby," Carina said, knowing she was not in the right headspace to do that.
"We are going to move her upstairs," Andrew said, "Go get someone else to do the delivery, and meet us up there, ok?"
Carina nodded, leaving the room. She walked through the hospital to her floor, going to the nurse's station.
"I need you to page someone else to do the delivery," Carina said to her head nurse, tears still running down her cheeks.
"Is everything ok Dr. Deluca?" Rebecca, her head nurse, asked.
"Maya is in the ICU on a ventilator," Carina said, "Andrea just intubated her and I am…"
"Not going to be able to focus to deliver right now," Rebecca said, "I just paged Dr. Wilson. Do you want me to get someone to cover your service the rest of the shift?"
"No," Carina said, "I just need an hour or two to um… process everything."
"Just let me know if you need more time," Rebecca said, "And I'm sorry about Maya."
Carina nodded, walking away. She went back to the COVID unit, finding Andrew talking to Meredith Grey.
"Carina," Meredith said, walking up to her and hugging her, "I am so sorry."
"Grazie," Carina said, trying hard to keep her tears in for now, "Is she settled?"
"Yeah," Andrew said, "The drugs that put her out should be wearing off in the next five to ten minutes. You should be there when she wakes up."
"She might need to be kept mildly sedated while she's intubated," Carina said, "She had severe general anxiety with panic attacks."
"I will have the meds ready if she needs them," Meredith nodded.
Carina walked into the room where Maya was, sitting down next to her.
"Oh Bambina," Carina said, picking up her hand, holding it tightly, "I am right here. I am sorry you are so sick. Hopefully the drugs Teddy started you on will start working soon, and you will be feeling better."
Just then Maya's eyes fluttered open, panic filling them as soon as she felt the tube, hand going up to grab it.
"Hey," Carina said, grabbing her hands before she could do anything, "Hey, it's ok. Just calm down. You are in the ICU, you are intubated. Your lungs are too sick right now to breathe for you. Just be still."
Maya continued to panic, eyes running around the room.
"Bambina, eyes right here," Carina said, getting Maya to focus on her, "Just relax, ok?"
Meredith came in then with the sedative drugs, Maya still fighting Carina.
"Bambina, Meredith is going to give you something to help you calm down," Carina said, getting Maya's eyes back on her, "Just keep your eyes right here. You will feel better in a minute. Just be still."
Maya kept her panic filled eyes on her girlfriend until the panic in her eyes faded and then her eyes slipped closed.
"She is going to be out for a few hours," Meredith said, "I would guess four, maybe more with the amount I just gave her so if you need to go take a minute, she will be ok."
"Thank you," Carina said, breathing shaky, "I, um, I am going to go down to my office. I am working right now, but if anything happens, please page me."
"I will," Meredith reassured her, "I've got her."
"Grazie," Carina nodded, walking out of the room.
She walked down to her office, pulling off everything, sitting down on her couch, pulling her knees up to her chest as the tears started falling hard and fast. Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door. She got up, pulling on a mask, opening the door and finding Teddy standing there.
"I was here to grab some files and Andrew told me," Teddy said, coming in, "Carina, I am so sorry."
Carina nodded, tears still rolling down her face as Teddy guided her to the couch, Carina suddenly finding it harder and harder to breathe.
"Hey," Teddy said, "Hey, Carina, you are having a panic attack. Look right here."
Carina struggled to get out of the panic attack, getting to the point that Teddy was seriously considering going to get a sedative when Carina finally started to calm.
"Sorry," Carina said as she gained more control over her breathing.
"You have no reason to apologize," Teddy said, shaking her head, "What is going on right now is a lot. What can I do?"
"I don't know," Carina said, shrugging, "I just… I need her to be ok."
"I know," Teddy said, sighing, "She's a fighter."
"I need to call Vic and Andy," Carina said, "Let them know what's going on."
"Do you want me to stay?" Teddy asked.
"No," Carina said, taking a deep breath, "No, you should get back to work. I am fine."
"I know that's not true," Teddy said, shaking her head, "Let me know if you need anything."
"Grazie," Carina nodded as Teddy left, pulling her mask off once she was alone again.
As she did, she thought about the fact that she had just managed to work through a panic attack in a mask, anger boiling up at people who claimed they couldn't breathe in a mask. She pushed the thought aside, grabbing her phone, taking a deep breath as she got ready to call her friends.
"Hey Carina," Vic said, answering the phone, seeing the puffiness in Carina's face immediately, "Wait, what happened?"
"Maya… um… about an hour ago…Maya had to be put on a vent," Carina said, tears spilling down her cheeks again.
"What?" Vic said loudly, "Wait, I talked to her this morning. She said she was doing ok. She said she was…"
"What's going on?" a sleepy sounding Andy asked, suddenly coming into the picture.
"Maya's on a vent," Vic said, handing the phone to Andy as she got up and walked away.
"What?" Andy said, looking at Carina, tears filling her own eyes, "Oh, Carina."
"She still can get better," Carina said, trying to keep herself calm, "They have her on medication and her lungs can still get better. They will get better. She is going to be ok."
"Are you ok?" Andy asked, looking back and seeing Vic walking back over to the couch.
"I am… coping," Carina said, not totally sure she believed that, "I am still working the rest of my shift. I actually need to get back soon, I just needed you both to know how she was doing. You can tell the rest of your friends."
"Sorry," Vic said, rejoining them, "I just needed a minute."
"It is a lot," Carina nodded, biting her lip, "I had some minutes earlier. She is going to be ok."
"I am going to do my very best to believe that," Vic nodded.
"I am getting a page," Carina said, looking down, "I need to go. I will call you both later."
"Thanks for calling Carina," Andy said as the doctor hung up.
Carina got her PPE back on before going back to work, finding herself moody and irritable the entire time, her nurses and interns all giving her wide berth. Meredith sent her updates when she asked, letting her know Maya was stable.
She somehow managed to fall asleep on the couch in her office for a few hours, waking up in a cold sweat after a nightmare about Maya's funeral.
She had never been more happy for a shift to end, immediately heading back up to Maya's room.
"How is she this morning?" Carina asked, seeing Meredith as she walked in.
"She is stable," Meredith said, "We have her at the same settings as yesterday. We have been keeping her sedated to keep her calm and let her lungs heal, but she is ok."
"Can I sit with her?" Carina asked.
"Of course," Meredith nodded.
"Thank you," Carina said, going into the room, holding Maya's hand as she sat there, speaking softly in Italian to her girlfriend.
"I need you to fight Bambina," Carina said, squeezing Maya's hand, "I need you here with me so you need to fight."
What did you think? I am already working on the next chapter, but life is throwing some things at me right now, so I'm not sure I'm going to finish it before the weekend, but I am going to try. Thanks for commenting and reading!