Chapter 6 - Leela's Discovery
After being told by Farnsworth a couple of days later that Cubert suffered a slight memory loss, Bender wondered how long it would be before the clone remembered the truth and squeal on him. If the truth came out that the metal man had got him drunk and given him to Mom for playing with, somebody was going to give him a large kick in the butt.
It wasn't altogether unexpected that Cubert would squeal on him, for throughout the time Bender had known the little brat, he'd always been very snotty to anybody he seemed to come in contact with. This attitude problem of Cubert's was seen at its fullest extent at Planet Express itself, as the little monster bullied and intimidated every single crew member that happened to cross his path. Bender was sure that once Cubert had his memory back, then he'd make up a ghastlier story of his own, adding bits and pieces to the original as he went along to get his own back against Mom's favourite.
It was Wednesday morning, and the employees at PE began to arrive one by one. They made themselves coffee and breakfast, then sat in the lounge and awaited their last colleague, Bender, to appear.
Fry remembered locking the closet door that morning, to stop Bender from stealing his beer, and had left the sleeping robot standing there comfortably whilst he left the apartment instead of coming to work together like usual.
Leela proposed that she ought to ring the robot up on his cellphone, in order to check whether he was still at home or just late and on his way. Fry gave her the number of Bender's new stolen cellphone, and she called up immediately to see why the robot wasn't there yet.
In Bender's compartment, tucked behind all of the money he'd received from Mom last Saturday, was his musical cellphone, newly programmed to play a favourite classical signature tune of his, called "Money", by a 20th-century band called the Beatles. After taking several stacks of dollars out of his compartment and throwing them all over his apartment's floor, Bender was able to get his right-hand digits through what was left of the money to reach his stolen cellphone before the Beatles stopped singing.
"Hello, who is it?" he answered with a certain lack of enthusiasm.
The cyclops replied to the robot, who didn't seem to sound very well to her. "Hi, Bender, it's me, Leela. I was just wondering why you haven't arrived yet? After Fry told me he left you asleep, I thought you may have woken up late, but listening to you, you sound really bleak, is there anything wrong?"
"Oh, Leela, I just feel so down, could you ask Fry if he could come home early today, I haven't had a drop to drink since I left work yesterday, and he's locked the closet door this morning so that I can't get to the fridge. I couldn't leave home looking and feeling like I feel now, I just couldn't!"
Leela looked over at Fry, then raised her voice as she called over to him, "Fry, you've locked Bender out of your room so he can't get into the refrigerator. I think you'd better go home and let him drink something."
She put Bender on sick leave, and decided it would be a good idea if she tagged along with Fry, just to make sure the robot hadn't gotten too glum. Besides, they could all have a good chat and a few beers together; that'll cheer Bender up in no time and get him back to normal.
She then turned back to the depressed metal man on the other side of the phone. "I don't think the professor'll notice if you're not here for the day, he's hardly ever here himself... usually locked up in that lab with Cubert. So, you just sit tight until Fry and myself can get there. Byyee."
Leela's last sentence startled Fry's senses, immediately causing him to spurt the coffee from his mouth onto Amy's cute, little face. The guilty young man was stunned by the words "Fry and myself". He panicked when he realized that Leela might find out the grim truth.
He shrieked abruptly, "Wha... what! You never told me you were coming!" He then stuttered, "I... I... just... thought that..." The slob then gave Amy a mucus covered handkerchief to wipe herself down with, when she screeched loudly then threw it back at him in anger, swearing something or another in Cantonese.
Leela interrupted, "Oh, don't think, Fry... it's not one of your strong points. I invited myself, and besides, Bender didn't express any signs of wanting to dissociate himself from me, so why are you?"
"For a start, I can't remember when I last cleaned the place. Ever since I moved in, the place has gotten messier every day. I just don't think it's a place for a lady, that's all."
"Oh, for God's sake, Fry, women have been cleaning up men's muck for centuries. You don't think I'm going to faint at the sight of your dirty underwear, do you?"
Fry was trying his best to deter Leela from continuing her ploy of visiting the robot, but the lady seemed so adamant with her intentions, causing Fry to try again, "I... I haven't cleaned my underwear... and... something else... but I can't remember... oh yes, I have some girlie posters hanging up and you'd get offended... and... and..."
"Oh shut up, Fry, it's not as if I don't know that you're a slob, and do you really think I've never seen a naked woman before!" she yelled, trying to get him to zip-up. But the more he tried to stop her going, the more she wanted to go. "You haven't done anything to Bender, have you? I mean, if you don't want me to go tonight, you must be trying to hide something... what you've really been doing to him perhaps?" Leela didn't really believe that Fry had done anything to hurt the robot, but she did have a strange feeling that something was going on behind her back to make Fry so jumpy.
She took charge of the situation by explaining to the rest of her crew what she believed to be a fair explanation of the true reason for Bender's absence: that he was very depressed, due to his lack of alcohol. She also told them that Fry and herself would go and get him drunk and he'll be back tomorrow. She then asked her colleagues not to say anything to the professor about this little incident.
Whilst on their way to see Bender, Leela noticed how Fry seemed so jumpy ever since their phone call. She therefore decided to try and get him to talk to her about what was bothering him somehow. "Do you feel glum because I invited myself to your apartment without your consent?"
Still, Fry remained silent and gloomy, therefore Leela thought she'd try a more understanding tone of voice." Is it Bender you're feeling sad about, cos we're gonna meet him soon, so once we get him drunk again, we'll soon get him back on his feet. I doubt very much that you feel depressed about that little shit Cubert, cos he's always been a sarcastic little brat and would happily feed you to the lions. Please tell me, Fry, what's bothering you?"
Fry then looked towards Leela, still with one of the most glum looks she'd ever seen. "Why should I care about what happens to Cubert?" he then blurted out grumpily, for as far as he was concerned, the "little shit" as Leela so accurately described him, just happened to attempt his experience of "adulthood" at the same time as Bender had gone to see Mom; it was just a coincidence, that's all.
"Well, now that we've discovered what's not particularly bothering you, perhaps we can get on with our journey. We've taken time off work for this trip, so we might as well make it. If we take a little walk through the park, it'll also leave you quite some time to pour your little heart out to me, and you can tell me all about what actually is getting you so down."
Fry was a little reluctant to go with her, as he would've rather been alone at a time like this, when he felt like a guilty traitor to the professor. Leela forced him to go though, grabbing him by the arm and just pulling him straight through the park gates.
Whilst walking through, she began to pester him again, this time on whether he was hiding something from her. "Fry, you've had a frightened expression on your face ever since I arranged our visit tonight... is there something I should know?"
Fry just wanted her to stop interfering in his affairs, that's all. "No!" he yelled into her face, "There's absolutely nothing you should know, and as for my expression, well I always look like this, OK." Fry knew that she was getting very suspicious, he could sense her evil eye prying him for a couple of days now, ever since he and Bender had met Moms boys on the park bench. He therefore continued eagerly at trying to shun her away.
Leela was getting increasingly impatient with him and started to lose her temper, as she could tell he'd been purposely trying to get rid of her. "You know, you've been acting real strange for days now, not just today. I seem to get the feeling that either there's a big secret you're not telling me... or that you just don't want me around!"
Fry couldn't contain himself any longer, and although he thought that Bender would be the one to break first, it wasn't to be. The burden Fry was carrying just became too heavy for him. He was sick of having to make up excuse after excuse to hide the robot's awful secret, and his petty lies were running out. He didn't know how much longer he could keep defending him, and it was driving him crazy.
He began to panic as he became overburdened by the constant interrogation the Cyclops kept throwing at him, until he just spat them all out hastily and hurriedly. "Oh, Leela, me and Bender have done something really bad, you've got to help us. " He blurted it out so quickly, as if there were too many words for the amount of seconds he had to tell his story.
She could see that he was in a terrible state. "Calm down, calm down."
Leela tried to get him to breath deeply. She thought he was telling her that they'd been out on a course of theft again, therefore she tried to assure him that, "Shoplifting is one of Bender's hobbies, he doesn't see it as a crime, you know."
"Oh, it's much worse than shoplifting, believe me," Fry replied. "That's just a petty crime, this is a big one... a really big one. You see, last weekend, Bender went to see Mom and snitched on the professor's Lazarus project. He phoned me up last Saturday, on that new cellphone you called him on this morning, and told me he was on his way there. I'm not sure exactly what he told her when he got there, though."
"And how do you fit into all of this?" asked Leela shocked.
"I was there at the time when Bender made an agreement with Mom's three measly sons, and I promised him that I'd keep it a secret. That makes me his assistant in crime, doesn't it?"
Leela's concentration came back. She pulled at Fry's arm quickly halting him, swinging him towards her. "It certainly should do! Why the hell didn't you speak earlier about this? Don't you realize what a stupid thing you've done! I'm really disappointed in you, Fry!"
Fry pulled his arm away and stared her right in the eye. "Of course I should have said something... but I didn't... and I'm sorry about it, OK. Oh, you wouldn't understand, you're, oh-so-perfect!" He stomped off, leaving Leela stunned in his wake.
Fry marched off angrily, now in a dark mood and not really looking where he was going. He absentmindedly stumbled over an electric model car that was being played with by a child, which sent him flying straight to the ground, face first. Thud!
Leela ran over to the prostrate Fry, who was now cursing about kids in parks, and bent down to see if he was OK. "Fry, how's your face? It took a hell of a beating!" She could see that he was still much less physically hurt than he was emotionally, and offered a helping hand. "Come on, let's get you up."
He stood up, brushed himself down then rubbed his forefinger against his lips, to see if they had been cut. They felt slightly sore, but he'd had worse. "See, now this happens!" He then spotted the offending model car, which was still intact. "And look, that stupid car doesn't even get a scratch... I hate my life!"
The boy walked over, picked up his car, looked at Fry, then stuck out his tongue and ran off. Leela giggled at this, which didn't endear Fry to her. "Oh, ha ha... very funny!" Fry sneered bitterly, still feeling at his teeth, making sure they weren't loose.
"Look, I'm sorry about earlier, let's try and keep our heads," pleaded Leela. Fry nodded, still poking his fingers around inside his mouth. Leela then continued, "Anyway, it's Bender's problem, not yours! Look, you better tell me everything... and I mean everything this time, and I promise to try and be more sympathetic."
Fry agreed, and as they walked through the park and several streets towards Bender's apartment, Fry told Leela everything he knew; but only Bender knew absolutely everything.
Meanwhile, the unsuspecting robot, who had fallen fast asleep waiting for his friends to arrive, was still leaning against his wall snoozing, dreaming about the lies he could get away with telling Leela without her guessing what he'd been up to. In fact, it was the only reason he'd agreed to her accompanying Fry. He felt that if he could make Leela believe a few great lies here and there, then she may never ask about his problem again. He was very good at lying -it was one of his favourite hobbies - and since he suspected that she knew nothing of his weekend ordeal, he just imagined that he might get to put his hobby into practice.
After Leela and Fry had finally gotten to the front door, the delivery boy stuck his key into the side of the door, and watched it slide open. The first thing he saw was Bender, muttering sentence after sentence of his traitorous secret.
Leela stepped into the tiny apartment and began to violently shake the robot. "Wake up, Bender, wake up!"
As he was waking up, he was still talking in his sleep. "I'm sorry, Professor, please don't evacuate me down to Old New York for the rest of my life, evacuate Fry instead, he at least likes it there."
When he'd half awoken, he noticed the Cyclops shaking him. "Wha...wha... heelllpppp! A one-eyed monster's trying to eat me," he screamed, as he tried to fight her away.
Finally, when he was fully awake, he realized who was standing in front of him. "Oh Leela, I was having a terrible nightmare." He then grabbed hold of her tightly. "Hold me."
As Leela put her arms around the robot, she spoke to him in a very "motherly" tone of voice. "It's alright, I'm here now, I won't let any monsters hurt you, Bender."
Once Fry got inside, squeezing past the two entwined workmates, Fry told the robot straight. "I'm sorry Bender, but I told Leela everything."
"Everything?" asked the curious robot, taking his arms from Leela, secretly disposing her wallet into his compartment, then walking into the closet after Fry. He stood there wondering just how much exactly did Fry know to tell her.
"Everything!" replied Fry.
Leela walked in after them, then interrupted, "I certainly don't know everything, but I'm pretty sure that none of the crew, and that includes both Fry and myself, were really sure why you went missing so soon after Cubert's abduction - you can't stand the sight of the little turd, so I'm guessing you're the one responsible."
"And what gives you that idea?" replied Bender, wondering if it was that obvious that he had an even bigger secret than the one that his two friends knew about, and just walked vainly and confidently towards the mattress on the floor (Fry's bed) which lay in the middle of the giant closet. The robot sat in the centre of it, then demanded, "Now where's that beer you promised me, Fry!"
Fry's refrigerator stood on the other side of the room, directly opposite the mattress, so it was a short walk to reach it. He pulled the giant handle hard, then grabbed two cold beers, took one over to the robot, and kept the other for himself.
He then walked into the attached kitchen, which was covered in squashed, decaying pieces of pizza and unwashed dishes. After finding the cleanest mug of all out of his sink - another dirty mug that hadn't been washed for days - he then called out loud into the other room, "Would you like some coffee, Leela?"
Maybe she was just lucky, as she replied, "No thanks, I'm fine. Come back in here and speak to us." At least she escaped having to see young Zoidberg for any unknown bodily infections in the morning!
Fry came back into his filthy, slob-like closet, from his filthy slob-like kitchen, to where his friends were sitting on his filthy, smelly mattress on the floor. Yes, Fry had certainly personalized this room since he arrived. His name could be seen and smelt all over it: the mixed pungent odours in the atmosphere, the uneaten food scattered all around it, the unwashed clothes, thrown all over the filthy mattress on the floor.
Fry joined his two friends back in his living/bedroom and sat down on the mattress on the other side of Bender, when they next began to talk about what they originally came for.
Leela began, firstly turning to the bot, who gulped down another slosh of beer without a care in the world, "The only way we can help you, Bender, is if you tell us the truth."
Although wondering how much corruption one human could take, he swallowed hard, then answered, "Oh no, I swear on my robot god, you don't want to know!"
Fry put his arm around the robot's shoulders, then began to assure him that it was OK to tell Leela what happened at Mom's place. "Look, both of us are in so much trouble already, that whatever you said, or did, couldn't be that much worse."
Bender fiddled and fidgeted about with his fingers for something to do with his hands, "I know that you're both trying your best to get it out of me, but I promised Mommy I'd keep it a secret. I'd really like to tell you, really I would but..."
Leela interrupted him. "...But you know you'll feel much better if you did let it all out. We're here as a sort of... shoulder to cry on."
Bender decided it seemed to be OK, as they were his closest friends, and as Leela so aptly put it to him were his "shoulder to cry on", so to speak. "It wasn't particularly nasty as far as I'm concerned , but it's just not what I consider as human coverage."
They both promised, that they'd try not to lose control, so Bender began. He raised his head to look up at Leela, who was sitting to his right hand side, wide-eyed and listening closely, and spurted it all out: "I kidnapped Cubert, 'cos Mom wanted the microchip in his head. I don't know how she did it, but she did. I think she must have performed brain surgery on him or something. I left him in the hands of her three sons, hoping something would go wrong so that he would never return."
"Do you think Cubert might have said something to the professor... is that why you became depressed?" asked Leela, who was now a little curious herself.
"I had so much to drink the other day, so I really don't know. I don't even particularly care about what Cubert says or does, and he was so stone drunk when I took him to Mom's, he's probably forgotten everything. Thanks for the top-up though, 'cos I'm gonna need it in case he hasn't, then it might not be long till he does remember that it was me - I could get the sack. I suppose I could live by nicking stuff."
Every word that Bender spoke seemed to convince Leela more into thinking a little like Farnsworth: that Mom was a barbarous, inhumane and opportunistic old hag. She felt extremely angry at first at what the robot had actually done, but knew deep down that it was all the old hag's fault. She immediately yelled out her first reaction. "Bender, I know Cubert's never really been a favourite of mine, but I've never wanted him dead!"
She felt she was starting to lose control again, but she'd promised Fry earlier she wouldn't, therefore changed her tone into a more sympathetic one again. "Look... what's done, is done! It's time to stop crying over spilt milk, after all, nobody's really been hurt, have they."
Although Bender enjoyed talking to his friends, he somehow felt he'd betrayed his creator, therefore he was still a little unsure whether he felt better since he let it all out.
Bender then looked over to Fry, sitting with his face in his hands, whilst still moaning and groaning about how much trouble they were in. Bender stood up, then walked over to the refrigerator opposite the room, taking out two beers.
"Come on, Fry, have another drink with me, it'll help to drown your sorrows. Drinking this stuff's really lifting my spirits up, maybe it can do the same for you." Fry looked up at Bender, gladly accepting his gift, then the bot sat down again in the middle of his two friends.
Bender looked back at Leela again, "Did you know that I wasn't programmed with any humane feelings or human emotions. In fact, I care as much for Cubert as I do for Nibbler: absolutely zilch. Besides, I got a lot of money and the VIR treatment." The robot began to tell Leela and Fry all about his polish and shine by several robo-femmes, and how he was given so many dollars, that they didn't all fit into his compartment.
"You mean that you even got something out of this... a bribe of some kind?" asked the Cyclops
Bender started to slurp on his beer, in a carefree, Fryish sort of way, as he seemed to be acting much more like his old self again. "The only one Bender looks out for is Bender!" he stated, sounding more and more like himself with every sentence.
Fry seemed to be rather pleased that the robot helped himself to all that stolen cash: "You got paid for poking your nose where it didn't belong... ccoooollll!"
"Nose, what nose? I haven't got a nose."
Fry gave a little chuckle, just looking glad to see his best friend so cheerful again, which in turn painted a big ear-to-ear smile on Leela's face, who was just delighted to see both of them together and so happy.
"Leela, don't say a word about this to anyone... please!" begged Fry, giving his puppydog eyes look.
"OK, I'll keep quiet about this," reassured Leela. "Enough with the face, Fry! OK, that's it, I'm outta here."
She picked up her green coat off the floor, dusted it down and put it back on. She wanted to go home, where it was much cleaner, much more sanitary and she could get herself a large whiff of fresh air. She then hugged her two favourite men goodbye and left the apartment.