TW: SELF-HARM. PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!

I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

Thor sat in the rabbit's ship. His head rested in his hands, and the bowl of soup he'd been given was sitting beside him.

He couldn't believe his brother was gone. He was gone. Something he never thought would happen, Loki was gone.

Loki had always been there. How could he be gone? They were just starting to be brothers again.

Thor used to have the world. He had anything he wanted at his fingertips. He was a god, a prince, a future king. And now... who was he? He had no people to rule. He had nothing to be prince of. He had no reason to continue living.

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that

He hadn't thought Loki cared. How could he have thought that? Loki had cared. He'd cared so much that he'd left it all. He'd dropped all of it—his life, his values—to save his older brother.

Thor pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. He should have been the one to take on Thanos, to die. He gripped the dagger in his belt. The dagger that had been his brother's. That Loki had used to save him.

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout
Could've followed my fears all the way down
And maybe I don't quite know what to say
But I'm here in your doorway

He stood. He watched as Bucky vanished into thin air. Into dust. He watched as Steve ran to the pile of dust and began to cry. Thor felt hot tears sting in his own eyes. He looked over at the city of Wakanda and watched as people began to vanish. He didn't know what to say as he watched Steve take his mask off and cry. Thor had never seen him cry before.

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying
I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

"How could you?" Steve asks, standing. Thor stumbles backward.

"How could you! You let your own selfishness, your own revenge! And now...look at what you've done!" Steve yelled, pushing Thor back by the shoulders. Thor blinked as he hit the hard stone wall.

"This...is your fault," Steve growled. Thor pushed him away.

"I'm trying! I'm freaking trying!" Thor shouted in return. He grabbed his axe and flew off.

They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that

Val told him it was in his head. The voices that spoke of his failure. But did that stop him from putting a blade to his skin? He was so often so drunk he couldn't stand. He had gotten many of his people killed, and half the world. It was his fault.

His words shot to kill when he was mad. His thoughts often drifted to Loki or Heimdall when he was sober enough to think. Whenever he was sober enough to think, it was only long enough to think that he should drink some more beer. He became a unshaven mess.

Pouring out my heart to a stranger
But I didn't pour the whiskey

Midnight, sober, pain. Korg wasn't supposed to find out. The blood ran down Thor's wrist. Korg was in the dark room with a towel, cleaning his wounds. The wounds Thor had marked on his own body.

Korg didn't ask questions. Just cleaned the cut and wrapped it in a bandage, his stone hands oddly gentle.

"What's wrong, big guy?" the tall man asked.

Thor bit his lip. And then told him everything. All of it. Then he passed out from the amount of beer he'd consumed.

It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you
You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

Thor's thoughts drifted to his brother. They always did.

Always.

He couldn't breathe half the time, overwhelmed with the thoughts of Loki. It was hard. It was freaking hard to be anything when all you wanted was to see your best friend.

And then he was going back in time to save the world. He crept through the row of cells. He found his brother, lying there, tossing his cup in the air and catching it.

"Loki," Thor breathed.

At least I'm trying

Thor lay on the ground as he felt the tip of his own blade about to puncture his skin.

"I tried," he thought to himself.

Then he heard it. His voice. Loki's voice.

"If I remember right, you told me you had no plans to die today," Thor heard in his head. He blinked and pushed back against the axe as Steve grabbed the hammer.

Thor couldn't hear his brother any more. It must have been in his head.

Loki sat watching in Valhalla. He had Natasha on his right as she watched. He rested his arm around her shoulders.

"They'll win," he said.

Nat smiled. "Of course they… we… will," she stated.

Loki smiled.

Thor looked up at the sky after Tony's funeral.

"Thank you, Loki. Thank you," he whispered, and turns back to the river.