The question you should be asking yourself is not "Will she?" but "What item?"
The next day…
It's an absolutely perfect day outside. The birds are fluttering their wings, the leaves are glistening in the sunlight, and there is not a single cloud out there to darken things up. It's great weather to go outside and take a nice touristy trip all throughout Vale. But unfortunately for our resident bearer of mystifying confessions and middling swordsmanship, there is something to do today, something that is not basking in the glorious day that nature has presented to him…
"Alright guys, I gotta go visit my family. Wish me luck!" Jaune dejectedly sighs as he starts to think about his impending doom. But he's got three amazing teammates ready to see him off.
"Don't get eaten Jaune-Jaune!"
"You better be back soon!"
"I hope your meeting goes well."
"If anything happens to me, I'll be sure to let you all know."
He grabs Crocea Mors and unlocks the door. After one last wave at the rest of NPR, he turns around and opens it wide, as ready as he'll ever be to face today. The first steps feel like he has 100-pound weights strapped to his ankles, but every one gets lighter and lighter.
Maybe this won't be so bad…
*oomph*
Jaune is suddenly rocketed to the side, just barely able to avoid tumbling toward the ground only thanks to a conveniently placed wall.
"Ruby what the hell-"
"Take me with you!"
"I don't really think you wan-"
"Please! I don't care where, any place is better than here right now…"
"Why is staying at Beacon so scary? It's not like ther-"
"Cozying up to Vomit Boy again, huh?"
Ruby grabs on to him even more, desperately trying to drag him out of here, but Jaune stubbornly refuses to move. He looks up to see both Yang and Blake with very, very cheeky grins. The kind of grins he's seen on his sisters' faces one too many times.
"Yeah… I can see it now… but trust me, you don't want to be at my family's place right now. You'll be teased to death."
"Jaune's already taking his little girlfriend over to his family?! I didn't know you were so forward!" Nora and the rest of NPR noticed the sound, and have come to join the party. Said Jaune is feeling like he is aging 20 years with the amount of stress he is going through.
"We're not e-" They were about to say this in perfect harmony, but they both realize how betraying their voices would be, so they go silent. At the exact same moment.
After that lull, Jaune is the one to bolster the defense.
"I promise, Ruby and I are just friends."
"I don't know Jaune, she sure seems to be snuggling you quite strongly…"
"She's scared! Of you!"
"Oh really? Why isn't she running away then? It's not like we could catch her."
The deafening silence speaks volumes.
"See! I knew there was something between you two! I can not wait to tease you both to the ends of Remnant…" Yang slowly moves closer to the pair, inspiring everyone else to do the same.
"Yeah.. I gotta catch the bullhead. See you later!" And he rushes away before Ruby can force him to stay. She can only look on with desperation as she realizes just what she's trapped herself into…
She thinks about dashing away, but where would she go? Cafeteria? No, that would be too obvious… Outside? That'll just make the inevitable teasing worse. In the training area? Then they could just wait her out… All this indecision in her mind allows them time to converge on her, leaving no options at all.
"Well well, it looks like it's time for you to tell all of us just what you think about him…" Blake's grin is the evilest of all.
Ruby's face begins to flush red as she thinks about the things she's gonna have to spill…
️
ˉˉˉˉˉˉ
The sound of rushed footsteps radiate throughout the bullhead. Just as quickly as they came, they fade away, as Jaune settles in on the bus, vomit bag in tow.
"Phew! Thank god I made it." Due to the distraction, he just barely caught it in time. But he still did, so now he finally has a chance to relax… Wait! He forgot the all important Diamond-Man comic! What ever shall he do now?
"Yes! New issue..." …Oh. He just has the next issue of the comic on his scroll. That's not a bad way to spend these next hour or two, now is it?
Other than being downright amazing to read, another benefit of this comic is focus. He hasn't even thrown up once while he's been reading. And much progress has been made on that front. It's 64 pages this time, and Jaune has reached quite a way into the 50's. This particular story is a legendary tale of brilliance, as we see Diamond-Man singlehandedly stop a moving train! His eyes are particularly drawn to the sparks flying outside of the panels. That is a nice touch.
Screeeeeeeee! The people are cowering in fear! It looks like too little too late, as the train careens toward the explosive factory…
"MMMMPH!" He's giving it his all… is it actually…?
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-! The train is stopped just inches away from the edge.
You all can give me the key to the city later. But first, I have to take down Mothra!
The next picture is Diamond-Man lifting the train up, carrying it the other way to use for the final showdown. But that's on the next page. He casually slides his finger over to turn-
*ping!* The sound comes just as the page flips over.
Can't Saph just wait two- Wait, Ruby?
That particular name rips his mind away from the screen, and now he quickly focuses on reading the message.
️
Have you made it there yet?
Nope, still on the bullhead. What's up?
They finally stopped! You know how much interrogation I had to go through?
Uhhh… no.
Too much! I almost died of exhaustion!
Thank god I wasn't there to hear that.
Really should have been! You would have made a great beanbag…
Beanbag?
No response.
Still there, Ruby?
Still nothing. Not even a read receipt.
"They probably found her again. And now they have these texts to crawl through. Thank the gods I am not in there right now. *gulp*" That gulp is more than just a simple gulp, as he proceeds to vomit for the first time today.
"Oh god…" He focuses real, real fast on that comic to avoid vomiting again. Man Diamond-Man is a manly man...
️
20 minutes later…
"Now approaching Arcadia! Make sure you have all your things if this is your stop!"
Thanks, bullhead announcer! Jaune puts up his comic and grabs his sword and shield, looking to the door. As it lands he begins to think about how his family will react to his new life at Beacon.
Will they be happy for me?
Will they want to come visit?
Will they endlessly pester me to spill the details about every single interaction?
Well, that last one is more rhetorical than anything… He jogs to the front as the door opens, eager to feel the home he has missed so much, only to find him staring down eight pairs of big, hopeful eyes.
"Jaune!️!️!️!️!️!" Six of them launch like a grasshopper straight for him. Oh shi-
He is tackled just a few steps off the bullhead.
"WemissedyousomuchbrowhathappeneddidyoukillanyGrimmhowareyoudoingdidyoufindanythingcooldid-"
"Can I please get up first?!"
"Ohsorrybrohere!" They all jump off, giving Jaune a much needed chance to breathe again. Now that he can actually focus properly, he quickly takes note of someone who is conspicuously absent…
"Where's Saph?"
His mom intervenes this time. "Saph is over preparing your bath for you, of course!"
"Prepare? Why?"
"Because she loves you so much! You should have seen how happy she was when she heard about this whole thing!" He has a sneaking suspicion that Violet may have had a hand in this..
"Yeah! Let's go!" Talia starts dragging him out away from the stop and toward their house, which is only a few blocks away.
"Wai-" Another sister grabs his hand, and Jaune is left to flop like a fish, surrendering to the will of these bouncing balls of energy. He barely even gets a chance to look at the Arcadian skyline before being suddenly pulled through a door, replacing the bright, cloudless sky with yet more types of brown.
"Right in here Jaune!" Violet leads the way, and is about to drag him toward the bath when he his stopped by yet another sister.
"Wait!" He doesn't even have time to whip around and look before his eyes are suddenly covered up.
"Really Lily? It's just a bath!"
"Hehehehe! Alright, let's lead him in!" Violet and Lily lead this blind teddy bear into the bathroom, but are stunned into silence by another, much different sight…
"Saph! Why are you chest deep in a washing machine!"
"PFFFFFFF-" His voice is suddenly trapped by a pissed off hand.
"This isn't funny!"
"Uhhh… should I uncover his eyes now…?" Lily postures, before Violet answers for her, violently ripping her hands away from Jaune's eyes.
With clarity restored, he is now able to see Saphron bent over the lip of the machine, with her entire top half seemingly stuck inside facing down. This sends his mind over the edge, and he quite literally collapses into another laughing fit.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"Stop laughing like that, bro! Go help her out!"
"hahaha.. ok… pfft-… after I stop laughing-hahahahahahahaha!"
It takes so long for him to stop laughing that the rest of the family arrives, standing right outside in the hallway.
"Son, why are you lau… Pffft! Ahahahahahahahaha-"
"Why is this so funny? She's stuck!"
"PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Jaune's mom can only look on in disapproval at her husband's antics.
"Jaune, just hurry up and help her out… Jesus Christ this family…"
Jaune finally stops keeling over in laughter long enough to stand back up and walk right next to Saph, who is actually struggling quite mightily against the opening.
"Alright Saph, I'm gonna pull you out, okay?" He places his hands only about two inches below her 36DD breasts. Why the cup size? No reason…
"One… two… three!" He pulls with all of his might, but she barely budges. He tries to think of something to give him strength…
️
Jaune remembers back to around two weeks ago, in the JNPR dorm. Nora had just been fixed a reasonable helping of pancakes by Ren, and she has eaten them all. Of course, for someone hyperactive like her, it's nowhere near enough.
"I want more pancakes!"
"That'll be too much for you, Nora. You know that." Before he even finishes, Ren can see Nora's mouth already starting to open in disagreement.
"Please!"
"No."
Jaune suddenly barges into the conversation, with a massive jug of syrup in tow.
"Here, take some more of this. That'll tide you over." It is swiped before he can properly pause from that sentence.
"Thanks, Fearless Leader!" She starts drinking right out of the jug… But a problem quickly becomes apparent. The vacuum she has created when sucking up all the syrup has become so strong, it can't be broken easily…
"Oh no… Jaune, your arms are fresh, pull Nora away from the jug, quickly!"
"On it!" He gets behind her and pulls, so hard that her mouth is forcefully released with a glorious *POP*.
"Thank you. Now don't ever do that again."
️…
️
That memory is like an injection of steroids, massively increasing his strength. With one bellowing "Urrrrrgh!" he puts 120% into it, and she pops out, with the washing machine making a shrill noise as it releases her.
"Thanks bro! You sure were pulling me real hard back there!"
"Beacon trained me good, that's for sure…"
"Now go take your bath before it gets cold!"
"Saph, I don't nee-"
"You know how long I spent preparing it for you?"
"No."
"It took over an hour? See?" She walks over to the curtain and brushes it aside to reveal one of the most exquisite baths ever created. The water is filled to the perfect height so that Jaune can sink into it, the essentials are fully stocked, every wall sparkles… she did spend a lot of time on this, didn't she?
"I see those eyes, Jaune… you wouldn't want all that to go to waste, would you? I even brought this!" Out of a cabinet, she hold up a special edition issue of Diamond-Man, even newer than the one he just read.
"How did you get this?! You're the best big sister... I could have ever asked for!"
Saph's eyes turn into little hearts. That's the first time he has ever said something heart-warming to any of his sisters, never mind the one that has pranked him for countless years…
"Thank you so, so much bro! Now you better go get yourself squeaky clean!" She hands him the comic, and waits.
"Well? Can you guys leave?" Everyone realizes and almost runs out of sight, leaving Jaune with the floor. He shuts the door, and it's another hour of just him and a comic…
️
ˉˉˉˉˉˉ
"I can't believe it took me this long to find a stepstool… wish Saph's family would have had one at her house…" A mysterious person sneaks through the unlocked back door, and looks toward the washing machine.
"Dammit! She must have gotten tired and left…" The mystery person opens up her scroll with one hand, thumbing through her contacts for Saph's number.
"Who are you?" Her thought bubble is obliterated by a new person approaching. This is really not who she wanted to see right now...
"Uh… hey there, uhhhhh… Lexi? Lexi! Do you know where Saphron is?"
"Yeah! She's over in her room… What is that stool for? And that cucumber!"
"Uh.. umm.. w-w-w-er..-"
"Can I have some? I love cucumbers!"
"wel...uh-em-er… you… y-you just go find something to do for now, okay? I'll ask- HEY!"
Lexi, "cucumber" in hand, begins to run out toward the kitchen. "Some lady brought us a cucumber! Can you guys cut it up for me!"
The person tries to chase her, but Lexi is just too fast. By the time she catches up it's already too late, and Jaune's mom is standing there with the most disapproving look on her face. She looks up at the woman, and that look rapidly morphs to extreme annoyance.
"...*sigh* SAPHRON! PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY YOUR WIFE BROUGHT A SEX TOY INTO THIS HOUSE!"
Terra is as white as a ghost. This was definitely not the fantasy she was looking to live out today…
️
To be continued...
If you know, you know. ≻:)
This was one I had thought up from the beginning. There is too much of this kind of stuff swimming around porn sites to not parody it. Luckily I'm not morally bankrupt enough to actually write the real thing. I am bankrupt enough to recommend that everyone watch this video, however:
www️.️youtube️.️com️/watch?v=Xi19isT-cdQ