Chapter 6: This is how it must feel
She would have imagined that, having so much work, she wouldn't have had time to think about it. But, despite having to complete Mai's overdue homework until the wee hours of the morning, she can't stop staring at her cell phone out of the corner of her eye and waits for a message that never comes.
Kasumi completely loses hope.
Mai had already lied to her once, when she assured her that Maki was a weak person, and that had served to convince her that Gojo's case was probably the same.
Sadly, reality speaks for itself and at some point, she stops expecting to see a message from him appear on the screen of her mobile and refrains from seeing his last connection.
And it hurts.
Miwa has been suffering that absence in silence for days, ashamed even to have lent herself to such an obscene game. Therefore, she doesn't have the courage to tell Mai anything at all, she doesn't want to listen to her mockery, she doesn't want to humiliate herself any more than she already has.
In the middle of the night, she leaves her bedroom for the dining room and makes herself a cup of coffee to finish Mai's math homework. She pours herself a cup and sits down at one of the lonely wooden tables against the wall. Glances superficially at her social media, pictures of some of her old friends at the high school she attended catches her eye. She smiles to herself; they look happy as they organize a school event and for a moment, she misses her old life.
Slow footsteps creak on the wood floor and Kasumi looks up to see Momo walking in, she is wearing long pajamas and her hair is down to her waist.
"Couldn't sleep either?" She asks peeking through the door frame.
"Something like that..."
The girl comes in to make herself a cup of hot milk and returns to sit across from her. She frowns so slightly that it's barely noticeable, looks at Miwa's coffee cup and then looks up to see her tired eyes. Kasumi doesn't notice, still sliding a finger over the screen of her cell phone looking disinterestedly at a bunch of photos.
""Are you still waiting for him to text to you?"
Her sudden question takes Miwa completely by surprise. She observes her grim expression and opens her tired eyes on her. She asked that question so casually that she feels uncovered, opens her mouth, but can't manage to articulate a word.
"You've been staring at that device all week, whoever it is is clearly not interested."
Kasumi's heart sinks in her chest. Everyone has really noticed except her. Her gesture turns anguished.
"I thought he liked me..." she replies, finally letting out some of the bitterness that plagues her.
"Men suck. They'll always tell you what you want to hear to get what they want."
"What if they don't get it?"
Miwa asks that question with a lump tightening in her throat. She blushes suddenly and avoids Momo's gaze, dipping back into her coffee cup.
"At least you kept your dignity. Would you have preferred to give him what he wanted and then have him throw a smoke bomb at you?"
"I guess not..."
Miwa's forced smile doesn't seem to affect Momo's expressionless face in the least.
"Are you all right?" she asks suddenly after a moment of silence.
"I'm not sure."
Momo sighs.
"If you like him so much, why don't you try writing to him? It shouldn't be like that... As a woman you should be the one to choose whether to answer or not. But I guess you won't lose anything by trying. Just maybe a little more dignity. If I were you, I would have blocked him by now for wasting my time."
"And if he doesn't answer?"
"It's his loss."
For some reason, Miwa doesn't feel like Gojo is missing out on a big deal. On the contrary, she feels as if she is the one who is losing out the most in this matter and the thought of sending him a message to find out why he is absent terrifies her. She fears a brutal response, one that will tear her up inside.
"Don't be afraid, he's just one-guy. Most of them are dumb and nasty, it won't be long before you find another one just like him, or even dumber."
Miwa smiles. Momo does not know how far from reality she is. There is no other Gojo Satoru, no one to compare to him. There is no person on earth who can reach his heels.
"And... if the idiot hurts you. You can count on me to curse him."
"Are you serious?"
"We can't allow a jerk to degrade the women of this school."
The lump in Kasumi's throat loosens. It gives her some relief to hear Momo, her sisterhood caresses her and she suddenly feels she can breathe easy. However, she can't quite let go. The truth is that she still cannot let go of the name of the person who torments her. She cannot pronounce it.
After finishing their hot drinks, talking about the last classes and the beginning of the curse season, they both retire to their dormitories. Momo to sleep and Miwa to finish Mai's homework.
In the morning she wakes up completely exhausted. She fell asleep on the desk and regrets the deal she has gotten herself into. She takes a quick shower and gets dressed in her uniform to start her day.
She practically shuffles from class to class, not having the strength to keep her eyes open during her last ordinary subject. On her way out, she bumps into Mechamaru and drops her books, they both bend down to pick them up.
"Miwa, are you all right?" asks Mechamaru's mechanical voice.
"Sorry, I'm clumsier than usual," she laughs without giving him an answer.
They both get up; he stands there as if he intends to tell her something. He can notice it too, he knows something is wrong, she has been like this since that night she shared with Gojo Satoru and he regrets not having accompanied her. His presence alone could have prevented whatever happened that night.
"Miwa," he says again as she hurries out. Kasumi turns around in the middle of the corridor. "Nothing... it's nothing."
She wonders, but she has a lot of work ahead of her and she doesn't have much time to waste if she wants to get all the work Mai has left for her off her shoulders.
However, while she is alone in her room, she receives a call that completely interrupts her day.
He closes the door behind him and wrinkles his nose again. The stench from those walls is really unbearable, he has no doubt that someone must have died somewhere in that apartment building. There is cursed energy starting to emanate everywhere... Gojo can already begin to imagine the wailing, the power outages, the suffocated people, the high crime rate, the drugs, the prostitution. An ideal cocktail to create twisted creatures.
Soon they will begin to emerge.
He leaves the building and looks at his cell phone screen. For some reason he finds it strange that Kasumi hasn't sent him a message, that's what girls usually do.
He has written several times on his cell phone, but as the days go by, a text feels terribly insufficient. He decides to call her, presses the button and waits. By the time it is he assumes she must have finished her classes by then, it's late afternoon and the sun went down at least an hour and a half ago.
The phone rings and suddenly he hears Kasumi's voice.
"G-Gojo-sensei?" she utters slightly uneasy.
"Kasumi!" he says aloud. He has been repeating her name a couple of times during the conversation he just had with Isao to distinguish them, since they have the same last name. "Sorry for the absence, I've been a little busy. But I'm free now, I was wondering what you were doing."
Kasumi feels her chest swell when she hears her name being pronounced by Satoru's voice, but the sensation is short-lived.
"Uhm..." he hears her hesitate. Nearby several voices are heard and he waits as he walks down the sidewalk. "I'm at the hospital," she replies and Satoru stops immediately.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. It's my brother... It's the appendix. They had to operate; he has been in the operating room for an hour."
"Who's with you?"
"No one, I left in a hurry and..."
"I'm on my way."
"N-No! No, it's not necessary, please don't bother... Oh..." She moves away from the phone and then comes back. "The doctor is here; I have to go."
Miwa hangs up the phone and Satoru stares at the screen. He doesn't know which hospital she's in and suddenly begins to feel uneasy. He types on the screen.
'Tell me which hospital you're in.' He demands in a text, but she doesn't even see it, she must be busy right now dealing with hospital paperwork.
She feels like her head is going to explode, but at least she is relieved to know that her brother has come out of the surgery all right. The boy even jokes about the scar and the lies he will tell about how he got it. He'll say he fought a criminal to save a woman during a robbery, or something more fanciful like getting cut by a katana. Kano always manages to make her laugh with his witticisms.
After leaving the hospital she calls Sochi, who is already home and waiting for her. Kano will have to spend one night in the hospital and if everything goes as expected, the next day he will be able to go home and rest for at least a week.
It is late, Kasumi looks at her watch as she travels to her brothers' house and remembers Gojo's call. She superficially checks her cell phone and sees a message from him.
'Tell me which hospital you are at.'
She decides to answer him.
'I've already left, I'm on my way home, my younger brother is alone'.
She remains standing, holding on to one of the subway handles. Then she puts it back in her pocket. She is extremely tired and doesn't even know what awaits her at home.
Before arriving, she passes by a small market and buys a few things to prepare something to eat and walks wearily to her destination.
She turns the key on the door and when she opens it she finds a pair of black shoes next to Sochi's sneakers. Immediately, she is surprised. Hears his brother's laughter and closes the door cautiously. She leaves the bags on the doorway and steps slowly into the living room.
Kasumi is puzzled.
"Your cell phone's so cool, does it have games?"
"Just a few, I prefer consoles for that sort of thing."
"Do you have a Play Station 5?"
"I was the first in the country to buy it."
"I don't believe you."
"Are you calling me a liar? Oh, Kasumi, you're home. "
"Gojo-sensei?" she asks incredulously.
"Kasumi, your teacher came to see us, look what he brought me!"
Sochi hurries to show her the bags of snacks and sodas on the table. Kasumi walks over to him.
"Sochi, you mustn't let strangers into the house, I've told you so many times!"
"Hey, don't get mad at him. Besides, I told him we're friends. Aren't we?"
Kasumi feels uneasy and Satoru can sense it right away.
"Hey, Sochi. Your sister and I have adult things to talk about. Could you wait here?"
"Can I borrow your cell phone?"
"Here, but don't snoop around too much," he replies, handing him the cell phone.
With the boy satisfied, sitting on a small sofa with the cell phone in his hands, Gojo walks over to Kasumi and invites her to retreat to the kitchen. Miwa has a tight lump in her throat, even the tie is bothering her. She feels slightly invaded.
"You didn't have to do this," she manages to say, trying to calm herself.
"You said the boy was alone."
"Weren't you in Tokyo?"
"I had to come for something urgent, but I finished faster than expected. Aren't you glad to see me?"
"It's not that... It's just that... My brothers are the most important thing to me. If Sochi is able to open the door to anyone who calls himself my friend, then... It could be dangerous."
"I understand... The idea was to help you. But maybe I overstepped my boundaries. I'm sorry about that."
"It's okay... I forgive you."
Miwa looks through the black band and imagines his bewitching gaze. Her heart reacts again to his closeness and she averts her eyes quickly. She feels that she has forgiven him for more than he has apologized for. The lack of communication over the past week doesn't even bother her anymore.
"Sochi," he calls out, "What do you say, should we order something to eat?"
"Can we order sushi?" The boy's voice is heard from the other side of the walls.
"Sure!"
"N-No! You've done too much already! I couldn't..."
"What? I can't tell Sochi that we won't have sushi now, are you going to tell him?"
"Well... I guess it's okay."
"If you want me to leave, you can tell me. I won't be offended."
Satoru lies, in fact, he would be offended by another rejection from her. But when he sees her smile, he knows he has won. Kasumi is not going to ask him to leave.
"If you're going to order sushi it's only right that you stay, Sochi seems to like you and would hate to see him sad."
"Yes, we can't let Sochi be sad."
Kasumi's smile widens and at that moment she notices the mess in the kitchen. She opens her mouth in a gesture full of shame and horror. Dirty dishes piled one on top of the other, pots, pans.
Kasumi sighs, exhausted. Satoru laughs.
""I'm going to go change into something more comfortable. Could you stay with Sochi while I tidy this up?"
"I'm good at housework."
"Sure, is there anything you're not?"
"Math."
Miwa suddenly lets out a laugh when she hears that. Her laugh is a pleasant sound.
"Please, you've already done too much."
Gojo walks beside her to the hallway and returns with the boy who still has his cell phone in his hands. He takes a seat next to him and watches him as he watches some videos on YouTube. She leans against him and sees a boy playing an online game.
"He has a lot of followers," Satoru comments to him.
"He's my favorite youtuber," he wrinkles his nose when a notification pops up on the screen and slides his finger over it to remove it. "You have a lot of messages."
"Let me see," Gojo says and picks up the cell phone.
A few matches on Tinder, a photo of Yuji drawing mustaches on Fushiguro while he sleeps, a reminder from Ijichi. After checking them, he turns on the TV and lets Sochi choose the channel while he places an order for sushi for the three of them. Then he stands up when he hears Kasumi turn on the kitchen tap and retraces his steps.
She is wearing a pair of shorts that soon takes effect on Satoru's perverse mind. Miwa washes the dishes with two latex gloves. He walks behind her, looks at the baggy shirt that probably belongs to her brother Kano, and is tempted to touch her back to unsnap her bra, but refrains. He is sure it would be too much for her.
"Can I at least dry the dishes?"
Satoru's voice brushes her ear and Kasumi flinches. She tries to look calm, but her heart feels like it's about to explode from the inside.
"It's okay," she replies, slightly pleased.
She is touched by how hard he tries to help her, even though she feels slightly embarrassed.
Satoru takes a cloth from one of the drawers and stands next to her, receives the dishes, dries them and piles them on the counter.
"I thought..." Kasumi begins, her voice trailing off, "I thought you'd lost interest."
"I guess that's my fault, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
Again, Kasumi detects an underlying message. His voice feels like a purr. He speaks to her in a tone low enough for Sochi not to hear their conversation, and his question manages to shake her once again.
"You've done enough."
"I can do much more."
A plate slips from Kasumi's wet hands and falls to the floor. The white porcelain explodes between her feet and Satoru immediately bends down and she feels his long fingers touching her leg.
"Did you hurt yourself?"
"I'm sorry!"
She takes a step back and the long fingers let her go. He looks up from the floor for a moment and begins to pick up the larger pieces from the plate.
"I don't think so," she stammers, squatting down to help him. "I didn't hurt myself..."
His presence is too intimidating, Kasumi can't even breathe.
"Are you all right?"
Sochi's young voice interrupts Kasumi's momentary tachycardia.
"Everything is fine, Sochi. We just dropped a plate. Go watch TV, the food will be here in a few minutes."
The boy nods, follows Gojo's orders and goes back to watching TV. Miwa takes a broom and sweeps up, they put all the pieces in a garbage bag and finish washing the dishes.
While washing the last cups, Kasumi tries to remove a cyan lock of hair from her face. It bothers her, but her gloves are on and her hands are wet. Satoru watches her slyly; he knows he's making her extremely nervous but can't help but give her a hand. Feeling Gojo's fingers caressing her cheek, she goes static. Her heart thuds in her ears and she waits as he tucks her hair behind her ear.
Again, that feeling, again the happiness of being by his side.
"Kasumi, can I ask you a question?" She nods, "Was your hair always that color... or did it change at some point?"
"Changed?"
"Sure, was it black and then one day it turned blue?"
"No... I think it's always been this color. Why do you ask?"
"I have a theory... There are many things we still don't know about the cursed energy. But I think you are the first case I know of where the energy has materialized this way. Kasumi, your mother could see the curses, couldn't she? I think something terrible must have happened to her while she was pregnant and you ended up absorbing all those negative feelings."
Miwa finishes cleaning the last pot hole and holds it in her hands.
"Wow... you're a bit indelicate to say things, aren't you Gojo-sensei?"
Again, Satoru sees her lips curl into a highly intentional smile. He realizes he has been inopportune; he rarely notices it. This time he feels a slight twinge in his chest, it's not intense enough to make him feel guilty for what he just did, but it's enough for him to understand that he should apologize.
"I'm sorry."
"It makes sense..." she then says, giving him the pot. "You're right, she saw the curses too, but we learned to ignore them over time."
"Until some member of College caught on."
"That's right," she replies with slight nostalgia. "I'm going to... hang out some loads of laundry. These kids have been living like..."
"Like children," completes Satoru.
"Yes," Kasumi smiles again.
The doorbell of the Miwa children's residence rings, Gojo assumes it's the order of sushi he placed a moment ago and assures Kasumi that he will prepare the table while she finishes her last chores.
Sochi jumps off the couch and runs to the door next to Gojo. He helps him set the table and they both sit down to wait for Kasumi.
"It's going to get cold! Kasumi!" shouts the boy with his hashi in his hands.
Gojo has ordered nigiri, uramaki, kazari, oshi and gunkan, and to accompany the variety of sushi, teriyaki sauce, traditional ponzu and sweet and sour miso. As usual, he has overdone it a bit. But the occasion seems to warrant it. Kasumi hasn't had a good day and he intends to rebuild the bridge that was beginning to dismantle between them. In fact, he also feels he needs to end the night in the best possible way. The encounter he has had with Iso still turns his stomach, not only because of the nauseating smells he encountered, but also because of the certainty he has that this man has caused terrible harm to all of them.
Kasumi hurries back after a few minutes, sits down at the side of the table across from Gojo, while Sochi has taken the head of the table.
"Thanks for the food!" Kasumi says in a more cheerful tone than she had a moment ago.
Neither waits a second longer. Satoru lunges at the same pace as Sochi, they fight over the last piece of gunkan and Gojo lifts the sushi victoriously, as if beating a seven-year-old was a remarkable feat. Kasumi sees her brother's annoyed face and decides to give him her portion before he starts complaining. She wipes his cheeks full of rice grains and Satoru watches the homely interaction unfold in front of him.
'A home,' he thinks for a moment and goes back to eating.
Sochi tells Satoru about his favorite video games and about his dream of being a veterinarian in the future. He insists on adopting a cat, but Kasumi dissuades him, as if for the tenth time, reminding him that he doesn't even take care of cleaning his room. Kasumi takes the opportunity to tell him about Kano and how good a drawer he is, and that he intends to be a famous mangaka when he grows up.
Satoru listens, he is all ears and the hours slip through his hands. In the blink of an eye, they have finished dinner and Kasumi leaves to tuck her little brother in.
The smile he hasn't been able to wipe off during dinner disappears as the two of them walk out into the hallway. He wonders again all the atrocities Kasumi has lived through even before she was born, the years she has had to endure carrying the weight left to her by her parents. He picks up the table and puts the leftovers away in the fridge. Then he returns to the couch and looks at his cell phone again. He has a message from Nanami.
'Where are you, something came up, we are needed in Tokyo. Come back immediately'.
'Roger,' Gojo replies at Nanami's authoritative tone, but does not get up from the couch.
Kasumi returns after a few minutes, the silence that now reigns in her home makes her presence evident, her shy steps come towards him and Satoru stretches his neck to see her. He makes the same gesture he did at the hotel; he pats the cushion next to him a couple of times to invite her to sit down and she obeys.
"Tired?"
He has noticed the bags under her eyes, she looks exhausted. He is unaware that Kasumi has been up late into the night finishing Mai's unfinished homework. She nods, remembering the reason for her slumber, but this time she's amused.
"A little... thank you for everything, really."
"You don't have to thank me so many times."
"I know, but I want to..."
"How do you do it?"
Miwa drops her back against the sofa and sighs. She knows exactly what he means.
"Taking care of them? Well, the help from the school has made things a lot easier for me."
"And before that?"
"I don't know, I just... It's one of those things you just have to do... They're my only family, I can't fail them, or abandon them. It's my duty."
"You're strong, Kasumi..." he smiles at her, she blushes and then yawns. "I can understand the idea that you're the only one able to deal with this imposed weight. You're doing well, I don't know Kano but I don't doubt he's a nice kid, Sochi's fun, would you mind if I send him some more current games? He seems like an energetic boy, reminds me of you. I'm surprised he fell asleep so soon... In fact, now that we're alone we could..."
Satoru feels Kasumi's body leaning against him and turns over. She has fallen fast asleep and suddenly a new warmth is born inside his chest. He looks at Nanami's message again, he knows he has to leave. But before leaving, he lifts Kasumi in his arms and carries her to one of the bedrooms. He enters without turning on the light and lays her on the bed, covering her with a blanket. He sits next to her on the bed for a moment. He looks at the drawings pasted on the walls. The characters the other boy invented, with powers flashing from their hands. He seems to be a shonen fan.
Then he looks at her again, arranges a lock of hair to leave her face free and leans over her to kiss her on the forehead, just above the eyebrows. He deliberately breathes in the scent of her skin and stands up.
As he leaves, he uses his energy to lock the door from the inside and walks away. He types a message as he walks down the stairs.
'I had to leave,' he writes and sends to Kasumi's cell phone, 'see you soon.'
A/N: ¡Thanks to Mia, Somebodymaybe and Mad195 for your reviews!