Just as he said he would, Kakashi did come back the next day. He seemed to be in a good mood when he entered your book store.

"Yo," he said offering a wave, "I'm back." He came forward to lean on the counter. Unfortunately for him, you were not having a good day. You didn't answer him, barely noticing he was even there. He noticed you were focused on some kind of paperwork and with the frown on your face accompanied by your furrowed brows and dull eyes he could tell you were extremely annoyed at something.

"Something wrong?" He said carefully. He finally looked up at him, your expression not changing. He saw him stand up straight and put his hands up defensively. You sighed.

"Sorry," you said running a hand through your lose hair. You weren't wearing your mask today, you'd tossed it to the side when you walked in this morning, making your expressions easy to read. "It's been a rough day."

"Anything I can do?" He asked stepping closer. "No thank you, it's my delivery. I have three people waiting on preordered books and my stock guys aren't here yet, they were meant to be here this morning but one of them got sick so they said they'll be a day late." You let out another annoyed sigh, placing your elbows on the countertop and covering your face in both your hands.

Kakashi eyed you suspiciously. Despite being out of contact for years, he still knew you better than most and could tell there was something else going on, something like that wouldn't usually get you so worked up unless someone else had been in the store today.

"Your mother was here wasn't she?" Kakashi asked, stepping around the counter and nudging you with his shoulder. "Come on, something like that wouldn't put you in a state like this, only your mother can do that."

He really did know you despite all those years.

You sighed again and slumped down onto the counter, hitting your forehead on the hardwood. "Woah," Kakashi said next to you. You didn't move, just laid there with your head on the counter, you could hear Kakashi moving around the store but still, you just stayed there, no energy to move or speak. Your mother tended to have that effect on you, constant reminders that you were a disappointment and you failed her and failed your father and that this isn't what they wanted for you. It's true that both your parents had always wanted you to be a shinobi but at least your father had respected you when you told him that's not what you wanted but your mother was manipulative and after your father passed made sure you stayed on as a shinobi. Her proudest moment was when you made Anbu, god knows why, no parent wants to see their child in one of those masks, but at least for a time you had her respect. But eventually, you realised suffering as an Anbu agent wasn't what you wanted and you couldn't take it anymore.

Soon Kakashi approached you again and put his hand on your shoulder forcing you to stand up straight and face him. Suddenly you were staring at the floor, you squeaked slightly as Kakashi bend down and picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder.

"Kakashi!" He didn't say anything as he carried you up the stairs behind the counter into your apartment above. He casually walked over to the couch and threw you down, landing on the couch with another squeak. Kakashi looked around your living room for a moment before spotting what he was looking for and walking over to it. He returned to you with the book you were currently reading after taking it from the kitchen bench, he practically shoved it into your face, forcing you to take it from him. After you grabbed the book and stared down at it for a few moments almost opening that book before snapping back into reality.

"Kakashi what-" he interrupted you with a finger on your lips. "You're going to relax here with your book for the rest of the night, and I'm going to make you dinner."

"Kakashi, there's still an hour before the store closes, I'm running a business I can't just leave disappear from the store."

"Shush, I've already closed the store." He said walking to your kitchen and searching the cupboards for something to cook with. "What?!" You shouted, "Is that what you were doing? Kakashi you can't ju-" once again you were cut off, Kakashi was in front of you in an instant. He was kneeling on the couch over you in an effort to shut you up.

"You shouldn't be running a store like this. Please just relax for once." He smiled softly at you and got up off the couch walking back toward the kitchen.

You struggled to relax over the next hour, trying to find an excuse to get back downstairs but Kakashi just kept cutting you off and pinning you back to the couch every time you tried to get up.

"Next time you try to move I'm tying you to that couch." He'd said at one point getting annoying with your stubbornness. Finally, you gave up, accepting that by now you'd be closing the store anyway. You sat on the couch awkwardly waiting for Kakashi to finish in the kitchen, you hadn't opened your book, it was just sitting there on the coffee table.

Eventually, Kakashi announced that dinner was ready and you moved to stand up and make your way to the table but he stopped you and said you were going to eat on the couch. Kakashi had made your favourite meal from when you were a child, Mach potato and lamb chops with steamed vegetables. Your father would cool it for you when you were young and after he died Kakashi would sometimes cook it and bring it to you when he noticed you were feeling down.

You blinked down at the plate in your lap for a few moments, remembering back to all those times you'd find Kakashi on your doorstep with containers full of this exact food.

"You remembered," you breathed quietly, more to yourself than to him. "Of course," he started, you looked up at him, smiling, "it was always your favourite, and it always worked to cheer you up back in the day."

You smiled down at the plate, making sure to keep your eyes down as Kakashi removed his mask so he could eat. You'd seen Kakashi's face many times when you were children, but that was a long time ago and you knew how secretive Kakashi could be, so you respectfully turned away. He smiled at you when he noticed you keeping your gaze from him.

After dinner was finished and you'd relaxed a bit Kakashi once again stopped you from moving and taking your dishes for you, refusing to let you help. When he returned he had two cups of tea in hand and sat down again, this time on your other side, while you were eating he sat on your left and he sat turned toward him. Now he sat on your right, making it so your back was to him, he when to turn around but put his down on the table by the couch and grabbed your shoulders, forcing you to stay facing away from him. He gently guided you to lay back, leaning on his side and once again forced your book into your face, knowing it was the thing most likely to relax you. After you took the book he handed you your tea and pulled out his own book, the book you'd lent to him.

After hesitating for a few minutes you finally relaxed into him and opened your book to where you had it marked and started reading. Time passed and you'd gotten through about five chapters before you realised the time, it was late and Kakashi was probably tired. You lent your head backward to look up at him but you didn't say anything.

"Yes?" He said, not taking his eyes off his book. "Are you not tired?" You asked softly and watched as his eyes slowly slide to yours so he was staring down at you.

"Hmm," he shrugged, "are you?"

"Well, a little. But it's getting pretty late I just thought... well you have pretty hard days so I figured you'd want to get some sleep."

"I'm just fine here. Unless you want me to leave?" Kakashi asked almost hurt but in a teasing tone. "No!" You said moving away from him and turning your body around to finally face him, you felt your face heat once you realised your sudden answer, mentally facepalming.

"Well," you started, staring down at your hands, fiddling with your figures, "I just mean that... uhh." Kakashi let out a breathily laugh, barely audible. "I suppose it is getting late." He said glancing down at your hands and frowning. You hadn't moved your own gaze and watched as his hands came to a stop on top of yours and holding them tight in his. He used to do that when you were children, to make you stop fidgeting. When you were young you had an issue with fiddling with your figures and usually ended up with you bleeding since you'd unconsciously pick at the tips of your figures, picking your nails and pulling the skin back in a need to do something with your hands.

You took a deep breath, realising he was trying to stop you from falling back into that habit again. This is why you'd taken to wearing gloves when you were serving in the Anbu. If you were being honest some of your habits presented themselves after your father died, when you were left alone with your mother. Your anxiety had skyrocketed living with your mother alone, all your expectations and harsh words and reminders, her words constantly ringing through your head, words about how disappointed she is and how ashamed your father would be in you.

"Y/N" Kakashi suddenly said, snapping your head up to meet his eyes you realised you'd lost yourself in your head again, your breathing became short and sharp, you were panicking. You looking down again, desperately trying to stop it.

No, not now, not in front of him. Please. No. Stop. It. You're fine. You're okay. She's not here. It's okay. Breath. It's not that hard. Just breath. You're okay.

Warm hands were placed on your checks and your arms shot up to grip the wrists on either side of your face. You clenched your eyes shut, trying desperately to get your breathing under control. Kakashi remembered being there for multiple of your panic attacks but he also remembered you running away from him every time and not giving him a chance to see you like that or help you through it. His eyes narrowed on you as your grip on his wrists tightened and you refused to look at him as tears began falling down your face.

He removed his hands from your face, forcing you to let go of his wrists and he grabbed your waist. He turned you around and pulled you against him, he tightly wrapped his arms around your front and squeezed. He didn't say anything as he held you, just patiently waited for you to calm down.

I need to get out. Disappear. Lock myself in my room. Where no one can see me. I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Black.