The old World
Part Three: Why am like this?
Chapter Six: "Pure Soul"
- Year 854 - "The Rumbling" - Near Fort Slava
They were high up in the sky, flying on Falco's back, dealing with the absurdity of resurrected Titans. Their mission was to destroy The Founder, it wasn't going to be easy, on the contrary, at that point it was feeling nearly impossible.
Ymir watched over them, she was at peace, all those years and finally, she was bringing cleansing. The impure would die and her Kingdom would prevail, all was good. For a moment, her happiness was disrupted. An icing chill ran up and down her spine, it shook her to her very core. "What are you doing here, old friend?" She asked in her own thoughts.
..
"BOTH. We are doing both." Levi gave the order.
"We'll split in two teams, do it simultaneously …" he continued.
They needed to blow The Founder's nape and help Pieck, but they also needed to rescue Armin, it was plain and simple. Levi explained to his pupils, they were ready to follow his lead. Suddenly there was a flash of light, it confused them all, just for a split second. The group looked around each other, they were somewhat disoriented.
"Where's Mikasa?" Connie asked. He noticed their friend was gone.
Mikasa found herself standing at the top of the Fort, further away from the chaos. She could still see it from a distance. She dropped herself on the floor, the headache was unbearable, but she knew it would pass soon, it always did. The loud high-pitched sound on her ears felt to the point of deafening, but it was slowly fading away. She felt sickness to her stomach and dizziness. As she was finding her bearings she could finally feel her mind being cleaned and she could stop and think, process what had just happened. She stood up and checked her surroundings. Down the Fort there was the rest of a very weakened Military.
"Probably the last soldiers alive in this war." She thought to herself.
They were arguing among themselves, wasting time, desperate. They knew their end was nearing, and the pure despair was clouding their judgment and impairing their behaviour. They were being human. Despite all that, they were still lives worthy of salvation. "Every life is." Mikasa thought.
That wasn't of her concern, she was looking for something else. Mikasa knew. She knew very well. There was only one possible way for her to have gotten there. From so far way, high up in the sky, to some kilometers distance in a blink of an eye. There was only one plausible explanation.
She finally found what she was looking for. The power of the sun gave him away. That climate wasn't the best one, but the clear skies and scalding sun can give us a perfect shadow. She could tell her son was standing, hiding on the other side of a wall.
Mikasa walked in closer, he could hear the footsteps. Azzy felt like he was in trouble, he felt like a small toddler again.
She crossed her arms in a reprimanding manner:
"What are you doing here, Azymondeus?"
Azzy took a deep breath. He slowly came out from his hiding spot, to face his mother.
"H-How…. How do you know it is me?" The young teenager asked with a trembling voice. He was baffled.
"I will always know is you." Mikasa answered.
- Year 852 - Summer - The Lighthouse - Paradise Island
Mikasa was awake for awhile at that point. She had a few thoughts on her mind that wouldn't leave her. It was the middle of the night, the full moon was high up in the sky, shining through their balcony. She didn't enjoy watching Armin sleeping, he always had a sad expression, or a painful one. Mikasa knew something wasn't right, but she respect him and hoped that he would share his nightmares with her someday. She was looking up the moon and listening to the waves. It was peaceful. She wondered how beautiful the world must be, and how long would take for them to finally see it. Armin promised her they would. Mikasa stood up, she decided that night wasn't going to be for sleeping, she wanted to look for something.
As she moved away from the bed and closer to the closet, she heard faint giggles from the crib. She changed her direction and moved closer to it.
"Why are you awake?" She smiled at her son.
Azzy was enjoying the sound of the waves too, and the moonlight. His big blue eyes were fixed on the crib's mobile, watching as the wind swirled the small starfishes and seashells in it. He seemed fascinated by it. Until he noticed some movement, the small baby got all excited, he was expecting someone to grab him and take him out of his crib. Even for a four months old baby, being trapped behind those cute bars was still a prison, despite being for his own protection, he wanted out. So as soon as he saw his mother, the young trickster raised up his hands and put up the biggest smile.
"I just fed you Azzy, you went to sleep, you were supposed to be asleep, baby boy." Mikasa held his small hand and played with him a little. She picked her baby up, it was clear he wasn't going to fall asleep on his own, alone in that crib, she knew it. That's just how babies are.
"Here, have some company." Mikasa whispered as she gently placed Azzy on her side of the bed.
Armin was in that darkness again. He knew it was all in his head, it was just a dream, a very bad dream. He couldn't scape it, he just wished he would forget all about it in the morning. It was claustrophobic and very dark, he could only see a faint flame very far away, the flame was slowly extinguishing itself. He wanted to shout but he had no voice. He was alone, completely alone. The pain was unimaginable, he couldn't move, he could barely breathe and even that was painful. He knew he was living a life that wasn't his own, he wanted to get out of it, but he was chained to it all. He couldn't even cry, he had no strength for that. He gave up, he just gave up on his own life.
All of a sudden, he felt a small pinch on his nose and some sweet strokes all over his face. He started to hear the sounds of the ocean, his brain was slowly waking up. There was no better relief than that moment. He opened his eyes, Azzy started to giggle, softly. He was still stroking Armin's face, hoping he would wake up. He realised he was successful in it once he saw his father's eyes and smile.
"How did you get here?" Armin whispered at the boy, pulling Azzy closer to hold him. He closed his eyes again as if to go back to sleep.
"Why are you messing with my side of the closet." He said it, with a muffled voice, putting his face inside the pillow.
"You are not even looking." Mikasa unaffectedly shouted from the other side of the room.
"And she just confirmed it." He smiled and pinched Azzy's nose. The boy was giggling loudly now. Mikasa started to laugh too, in the other room.
"Why does he think my voice is funny?" Armin couldn't understand.
"Because you made a funny voice." Mikasa tried to explain.
"This is my real voice." He shouted back, Azzy laughed even more.
"How are you so awake?" He held the boy up to question him. Azzy was trying to reach for Armin's hair.
"You can't be hungry, besides, if you are-" He moved closer to the baby's ear. "-I can't feed you." Armin said it, jokingly. He reached out for his watch over the nightstand.
"Not even two hours, huh? You can't even sleep for two straight hours..?" He softly complained to the small baby, Azzy was more interested in the golden chain and the faint noise it made. He grabbed it. "No, no, no." Armin removed the chain from the baby's hand. "This is not a toy, it's a gift. And I'll give it to you when you are older, much older."
Armin could hear some noises coming from the closet.
"What are you looking for, and why now? It's too late at night for us to function." Armin asked Mikasa. He was very tired.
"I think you tried to hide it well, but I've known you for a long time. Don't forget that." She told him.
"She doesn't even hide the fact that she is going through my things." He joked with his accomplice. "In the middle of the night." He added, whispering to his son.
"Here, I found it." Mikasa was proud of herself.
"What?" Armin was curious.
She was looking for The Book.
"Why would you hide this?" Mikasa asked.
"I wasn't hiding it-" Armin was taken by surprise, he became a little embarrassed. "I just decided to keep it on a safer place…"
Armin spent months researching. Every new information they got, even if very small, he was taking notes and adding more to the locations in the book. He was planning to see them all, or at least the majority of them.
"Don't lie to me, Armin." Mikasa moved closer to sit on their bed.
"I saw you throwing away your notes today, back at the office. Why would you do that? Did you gave up on our dream?" She asked him sincerely.
"I just wanted to preserve the book as it is, I shouldn't have filled with all those notes -I" Mikasa interrupted his explanation.
"Tell me the truth. Why would you throw away everything?" She asked him again. Armin placed Azzy's head on his shoulders, he was trying to put the boy to sleep. He moved closer and sat next to her.
"I haven't. I still want to travel, I want us to go see all these wonders." He was saying as Mikasa was going through the pages.
"But I can't afford to think about any of that now, you know that." He finally explained more truthfully.
"We are under constant threat of war. The world hates us. I can't just leave, I have a job, we have a job. We need to protect the island." He finished his argument.
"I know that. I understand." Mikasa said. "But I can't deal with you giving up like that. If you stopped believing that one day we will live in peace and will be able to fulfil our dreams… then I'll probably stop believing it too." She told him.
Armin sighed. He gently rested his head next to Azzy's head, the boy was fast asleep in his father's arms, he was breathing heavily.
"I still want to believe we have a future. And a great one! I want to believe this will all stop and we will live in peace, so we can all enjoy the little things in life. I dream with all that, but I need to come back to reality now. Just for now, so I can find away to reach this dream. Does that make sense?" He asked his wife.
"Now? What do you mean by now?" Mikasa was puzzled. She inspected the book closely.
"I mean before we can reach that peace. Why-" Armin wasn't sure where Mikasa was going with that, but maybe he was, deep down. Mikasa interrupted him again.
"Does it have anything to do with this?" She pointed at a symbol on the back cover of the book.
She noticed the symbol from the book, she could recall it, she just wanted to confirm it. It was the same from the golden watch and from other artefacts they had recovered from a shipwreck the week before.
Armin didn't respond. He just looked away, thinking.
"Please don't do this now. You've been like this since we sank that ship last week. It is not healthy. And I hate that you think you can hide it from me." Mikasa pleaded with him.
"I can't explain it, I don't know what it means." He responded, he still wouldn't meet her eyes.
"But you are always excited about this kind of stuff! You always research every little thing we come across in the harbour. Don't you want to know more about it? What is it about this that upsets you so much? You are always curious about everything!" Mikasa was trying to understand what was happening in his mind.
"If we get more information on it, I don't mind learning, but for now, I'd like to take a break from my own curiosity. I have other responsibilities, and so do you." He told her firmly. Armin realised that talking about their job was a very good way to move on from that subject. And she didn't even noticed, but still, that symbol would remain in her mind, Armin's reaction to it bothered and puzzled her a lot.
They stayed in silence for a moment. Armin finally continued.
"Marley won't rest until they get the coordinator from us. Everything seems calm now, and their attacks are very weak, but this will change, we both know that. Once they come with full force, we need to retaliate fast and with accuracy. To spare the lost of civilian life. I need to focus on that. I need to be sure we will be ready when the time comes." He concluded his speech.
Mikasa stayed silent, she was thinking. She didn't want to think about war at that moment, or picture it. That Island was very precious to them both, she didn't want to imagine it being destroyed. Not even for a second. They were living such a peaceful life at that point. Far away from trouble, they were at peace for almost two years, she got used to it, she didn't want to fight anymore. Mikasa closed the book.
"You are right, we can dream later. I chose to be a soldier for a reason, I want to protect the weak and defenceless and I want to defend the place we grew up in. This is our home after all. I'm sure the world out there is very beautiful, but we can dream about it later… I want to make sure Azzy and all the other children of our Island can grow up in a safer environment, I want to make sure he'll have a better childhood than we had. And maybe he'll see the world…. If we don't get to." Mikasa let all her feelings out, she realised it was a good exercise, they needed to talk things out and she was glad they got into an agreement. She thought it was better to leave it as it was… she would wonder about the symbol later. Armin smiled at her, he was glad they had similar views in all this. They both looked up at the full moon for a moment, that beauty they could see it from the island, no need to travel. Because no matter where you are in the world, the moon will alway be up there, that view was irreplaceable.
Mikasa gently leaned over back to see baby Azzy's face, he was very quiet through all this.
"Is he asleep?" Armin asked, he finally reminded himself he should be whispering, it was too late.
Azzy's eyes were wide open.
"Nope." Mikasa leaned back up and told him.
Armin sighed.
"This is going to be a long night." He said.
.
.
- January, 22 - Year 859 - Mitras, In the Palace's Private Garden:
"You are going to get lost yourself! Historia, wait!" Eren was beyond desperate at this point, but he was trying the keep himself calm.
"Ymir! Ymir! Ymir!" Historia was already losing her voice, it was all actually happening, her nightmare was real.
The sun was going down. The night was falling upon them and Historia was feeling hopeless. All Royal guards, the staff, the nuns, every person working on the Palace was mobilised to look for the princess.
*Inside the Palace:
"Come again?" Levi asked, crossing his arms.
The old majordomo was trying to rephrase himself in a calm and polite manner. Maybe too calm considering the chaos inside the palace at that moment. Levi had been placed in a closed off room, away from the turmoil going on with the entire staff outside. He felt like he had been arrested, he wasn't very pleased with the situation.
"I mean-" The old man took a deep breath. "-I mean you are free to leave." He gestured gracefully towards the door.
"Free? And I wasn't before?" Levi asked.
"Sir, I apologise for the misunderstanding, but, I'm afraid we no longer can look for your nephew. He most likely left here on his own and right now we have more important things to deal in this palace." The man tried to be vague, he was ordered not to overshare what was really going on, the gravity of the situation should not leave that palace.
"Isn't the Queen coming to send me off?" Levi said it, ironically.
"The Queen is busy at the moment…" The majordomo responded.
"So, I'm suppose to just walk away? Without the boy? And believe you are not hiding him from me? I know how much your Queen seems fond of him, and as I imagined not just her." Levi complained, but he wasn't sure if it would be improper to mention Eren's name in front of the majordomo.
"I can assure you, sir, this boy is nowhere here in this palace. The staff looked everywhere for him, he just vanished, I am having trouble understanding it myself… I'm sorry, truly sorry, but there's nothing that I can do." The man was kind in his words and truthful, Levi could tell that.
"I see, " Levi thought for a moment, it seemed plausible that Azzy had jumped out of there, maybe he didn't like the palace, or maybe he just got distracted. If that was the case, he should probably go looking for him. "Thank you for your hospitality." He told the old man.
"It was a pleasure to have you here, sir." The old man told him sincerely.
Levi stood outside the gates of the palace, worried. Thinking. He had so much trouble with that boy sometimes. He was wondering what had happened now.
*Inside the Forest beyond the Garden:
"Ymir!" Historia was shouting, most of the Guards were there helping with the search, she was restless.
"Ym- What are you doing?" She looked up, Eren was climbing in a tree, the tallest tree he could find.
"We are losing sunlight, we better hurry if we want to find her." He was looking all over the forest from up there, it was winter, so the leaves weren't really a problem, but night was falling, and that really was. "A good friend told me to climb high up when looking for someone." He told Historia.
"Oh, that's a good idea! Who taught you that?" Historia asked him.
"Sasha." He smiled down at her. "When we were looking for you." He added.
Historia smiled for a second. "C-Can you see anything?" She asked Eren.
"Yes, but there's no sign of the-m" Eren tried to stop himself, but he had already finished the sentence.
"Them? Was there someone with Ymir?" Historia asked, Eren ignored her.
"Are you talking about Azzy?" Historia thought for a moment. "He left with Levi hours ago-" Historia told him, when she finally realised what Eren was doing when they met in the forest earlier that day, he was shouting for Azzy.
"There's no way he was here. That kid is smart, we know that.-" She was talking to herself at that point, Eren was listening from up the tree, dreading the realisation Historia was about to come to. "-But he was inside the palace, no one knows about this place, there's no way he could have gotten past the guards to find the Garden." She was sure, she didn't want to think of another child missing.
"Kids are kids, Historia, don't you remember the trouble we had in the orphanage?" Eren was trying to be gentle.
"I'm sure that poor boy is home with that sad uncle of his. Don't give me yet another reason to be worried." Historia concluded, Eren decided not to touch on the subject again, he also didn't want to think about it, he was very aware of what that boy could do. He couldn't bear to think of his daughter disappearing forever from his life. The thought was too painful.
"It's been over seven hours." Historia looked at her small watch. "We looked everywhere… This forest isn't really that big. It's just a patch of land the Fritz kept from themselves near the Palace. I think we have walked all over it, she's not here-" Historia was miserable. She barely had any sound in her voice, her throat was hurting a lot, and the cold winds of the nightfall weren't helping her condition.
Eren climbed back down the tree to hold her.
"Hey, we can't give up now. I'll search all night, I'm going to find her." He told Historia.
"Even if she felt in some ditch or was hiding somewhere we couldn't see, the dogs and the guards would have found her by now. I am being realistic here." Historia looked up straight into Eren's eyes, she was very upset.
"Where are you going with this?" Eren was confused. Historia started to walk back into the Garden, Eren just followed her, he was worried.
Historia arrived at Ezra's grave, she crouch down and started to rearrange the flowers. They had buried their stillborn son in the most graceful and peaceful side of the Garden.
"You will never find her!"
Historia remembered the whispers in her nightmares. The night was arriving, the nightmare became real. The scary trees, the winter wind, the moonlight and the silence. Ymir never shouted back. "I'm here!" That was all Historia wanted to hear. She imagined, the sweet voice of her young child, but she never actually got to hear it. Just like she never got to hear Erza's cry when he was born. She had that feeling again, of emptiness and hopelessness. Nothing could ever change that anguish, that pain.
"They took her for me." She finally said it, with anger.
"They..? …Who are you talking about?" Eren asked.
"Our enemies." Historia said it, firmly.
Eren thought for a second.
"… If that is the case, they will pay for it. I can assure you of that." He kneeled down next to her, next to their child's grave.
"I will make them pay." Eren promised.
"But…" He continued. "We can't be sure of that now, we can't jump to conclusions. Let's not lose hope so fast. We still need to look. I still want to look." He told his love.
"You won't find her. This is it. This is my worst nightmare and it's finally real. I was always dreading this day, I knew it would come. Even before she was real. I knew it would happen. I thought you could make me forget it, and it worked!" Historia gave a small delirious laugh. "Until I had them with me, until I was waiting for them, all my memories came back before they were born. I was busy grieving Ezra, but I knew it, in the back of my head, I knew it was only a matter of time before I lose Ymir too."
Historia sounded lifeless, like she was explaining the life of a stranger, she was distant, detached from her own story.
Eren stood there in silence for a moment, staring at Historia. They could still hear the dogs barking and the guards shouting for the princess in the distance, the crystal lights inside the palace were faded and kept flickering, you could see the frantic movement inside. The playground was empty, all those beautiful toys felt nothing but haunted and lifeless under the night sky.
"You lied to me." Eren responded. Historia looked up at him confused.
"You told me your memories were about Frieda and her death." Eren was very upset and a little agitated.
"You told me you didn't want to see your sister suffer! I can't believe I fell for that." He raised himself up completely baffled.
"Why would you lie to me about something so important?" He finally asked.
Historia looked down. And looked up at him annoyed and with spite.
"And you are going to tell me you never lied to me before? I'll tell you why." She raised herself up with her hands on her hips.
"Because you would be obsessed with it. You are obsessed with the future! Any glimpse, any little smidge of a memory and you can't get over it! You think you can do something about it, you over-exam it. I didn't want to go down that path with you." She explained, angrily.
"You've know this since the medals ceremony?" Eren asked.
"Of course I had no idea what it meant until Ymir was born." She continued. "And my heart was too broken with Ezra's passing, I-I" Sadness was filling her eyes again. "I didn't want to think about it… But as she grew older I started to dread it more and more… I can't believe the day finally arrived." One tear felt from Historia's eye.
Eren reached out to dry it.
"That's okay, you could have trusted me, you could have told me before. But that is all in the past now. We need to focus on getting Ymir back. Whatever she is, she must be feeling alone and upset, but she knows we will never give up on her, we will find her." Eren would never give up on his daughter.
"You might be right, about our enemies, this could be an elaborate plan from the resistance, down in the continent. They could just be trying to ruin our State and everything we worked so hard to build. Our family. If that is the case, like I said, I will make sure they will pay for it. They will pay for it with their own lives. Specially if they make our little girl suffer. I won't let anyone hurt her. You have my word." Eren promised once again.
He walked in the direction of the playground, it was Ymir's favourite place, she would spend the whole day there. Eren started to look at her drawings in the sand, she loved to play there, and despite the strong winds, her small constructions were still there.
"She was here last, we know that." Eren concluded.
"And they walked in the direction of the forest." He pointed at the small footprints in the sand.
Historia crouched down to analyse them, they were both small, two sets, one slightly bigger than the other.
"How did that boy even get here?" Historia was confused, and worried for the boy too now, those kids were too defenceless and naive, too young and small to be lost somewhere, or to being held captive. She didn't want to think the worst.
"Kids! I told you." Eren sighed. "Maybe we should have let some of the orphanage kids come in the palace sometimes to play with Ymir. So she wouldn't trust the first bratty kid who walked in here." He said it, angrily.
"Eren, please, he is just a small child too." Historia reprimanded him.
"A very smart young child." Eren replied.
"I'll go talk to the servants, someone must've seen him. There must be some sort of explanation as to how he found this private area in the first place." Historia was trying to be reasonable. They walked back to the palace.
…
"Yes ma'am, I saw the boy, he was talking to the princess… they were playing with sand, in the corners of the princess' castle, the playground I-I mean" One of the servants was trying to explain what he had witnessed, the young lad was very nervous, he'd never had to address the Queen before, even after years working in the Palace.
"I understand. Go on." Historia told the lad.
"It seemed very harmless, they were playing… and then-" He paused himself for a moment, scratched his head and proceeded. "They started to run towards the forest!" He wanted to justify himself. "I warned the Guards near the area and quickly ran after them. I-I know how the princess is supposed to stay on her playing area only and how she is not supposed to go into the forest. … So I followed them! I could see them further away, I was telling them to stop running, to comeback! I think I could hear them laughing, very far away. They were playing, I thought I was getting closer, I truly did! But … It was so strange… they just vanished… It's like they were never there…"
The young servant stopped, he was still confused by the peculiarity of the situation.
Eren and Historia looked at each other with much sadness.
"Thank you. You are dismissed." The Queen told the young servant and signalled for him to leave their presence. He bowed and walked towards the door.
"Don't forget to tell all this to the General once he gets here, in minimal detail." Eren advised the lad.
"Yes, my King, I will." The servant bowed again and left the room.
"We need to find Levi." Historia stated the obvious.
"I know, hopefully The Captain is still somewhere in Mitras, we already have some guards looking for him." Eren told her.
"They better be with him when we find him." Historia warned.
"You don't think he could be involved with the resistance, do you? He hasn't been in contact with them for years! His only goal in life seems to be raising Azzy." Eren still had too much respect for his Captain to think will of him.
"I'm not discarding anything. Also, you seemed to be very blind when it comes to that boy. This is a serious matter." Historia was firm in her argument.
"You were the one saying how they are just kids less than an hour ago. Now you want to blame Azzy for this? Don't you think that is a little unreasonable?" Eren was beginning to feel upset, Historia could be right, he had already thought about that himself before.
"He is not Armin, Eren! Or Mikasa. He is just a kid, and as you said, a very smart one. I want to know now what was it that he was laughing about. What is so funny about all this. And I'm going to find him, so I can ask him, in his face. And I hope for his own sake, that he has Ymir with him when I do find him. For his own sake."
Historia finished her threat, Eren stayed silent, he understood her anger and he respected it.
..
Levi had already left Mitras at that point, he was eager to get to the field, he knew that was the place to look for Azzy whenever he disappeared like that. Levi was really hoping to find his nephew there, alive and well, he didn't want to think of the worst. So he made his way, back to Shiganshina.
..
- February, 8 - Year 859 - The outskirts of Shiganshina
The rain was still pouring outside, the small boy was just happy he had made his way home. He felt safe, but he was preparing himself for the rain of questions his uncle had for him.
Levi placed the burning hot tea on the table next to the boy, and sat right in front of him. He gestured for Azzy to bring out one of his arms, hidden inside the blanket, so Levi could take a look at the scars. They were unusually precise and were all over his body, like some freaky thing of nature or some ritualistic proceedings. He didn't say a word, he knew staying in silence for a long time is a very good way to retrieve information out of people. It makes them feel uncomfortable.
"I can't heal myself, I don't know why, I can't regenerate." Azzy said it with a broken voice.
"You are regenerating. Just in a much slower pace. Almost like a normal person would." Levi was a little puzzled. "You probably lost a lot of blood because of it." He reached out to check the boy's temperature again. "How are you feeling?" Levi asked.
"Tired, I-I'm not in pain anymore… like I was when I woke up… My head still hurts a little, but the wounds don't." The boy's voice was fading and slow, like he didn't have much energy.
"Azzy, you need to be frank with me. I won't hold it against you. And I won't punish you in any way." Levi sounded calm and sincere.
"Who did this to you?" He asked the boy.
"No one… I think. I woke up like this…. after I jumped." They boy answered.
The cuts seemed to have been made by a very sharp instrument, maybe a knife or a sword, Levi was very puzzled, the precision of them was exceptional, maybe it was just some freaky thing to do with those strange powers… but that never happened before. There was just so much he didn't understand about that boy or why he was the way he was. The situation was very troubling for Levi.
"And the girl…? …Azzy, I know she was with you." Levi questioned him.
"I don't really know…" The boy held his head for a moment. "It's all foggy, and I can't remember much of it… I-I think-" He was looking inside of his own mind for the answers, but he couldn't make sense of much of it, he was dizzy, weak and tired.
"She ran… I remember that, I tried to follow her, but then… I think that's when I woke up. And now you told it has been days!" He was getting a little agitated.
"What was she running from?" Levi was getting troubled.
"She was scared, I remember she looked very scared. And I tried to follow her, but something… something stopped me." The boy was sharing more than expected, Levi was used to him lying a lot, but he could tell Azzy wasn't lying about any of it.
"… was that something… the same something that hurt you?" Levi was being very careful with that question, they boy was very young and this was very serious and concerning.
Azzy looked around his arms, down his legs, his torso… He stood up and went to see his face in the small mirror they had. He slowly ran his hand over his face. He decided to close his eyes and concentrate more, so he could properly heal himself. Those scars didn't suit him, he didn't like feeling weak or overpowered. Specially when he had no idea who or what had overpowered him.
"Did it hurt her too?" Levi asked from the other side of the room, Azzy seemed out of it, as the steam of his regeneration started to slowly rise up he looked like he was in a trance.
..
"That's what we get for trusting the enemy. I should have known you were a traitor from the start. Now you will pay for it."
The boy heard that familiar voice on his head as he stared down a specific cut in his right forearm. The cut slowly started to bleed again, as if the flesh had just been sliced through.
"Why don't you just kill me? Kill me and be done with it."
Azzy responded the voice in his head, under his breath, but it was loud enough for Levi to hear and become even more troubled with what his nephew was going through.
"Oh, I will. Believe me. I will kill you slowly, just like you deserve. And I will make sure you are conscious throughout all of it."
The voice continued to taunt him inside his head.
"Before I have the pleasure to do all that. I need you to tell me why. Why did you kill her?"
..
A small tear fell down the young boy's face and reached the wooden floor of their poor, simple cabin.
"It hurts."
Az said it with a broken voice.
"I know."
Levi reached out to him with a white cloth to clean the bleeding wound in the boy's arm. That took Azzy away from the trance.
"You lost a lot of blood, don't try to regenerate like that. It will just drain more of your energy. Come on." The uncle carried his nephew to the small bed, so he could rest.
"We were going to see the ocean." Az said it, before Levi left the room.
The boy shrugged his shoulders under his blanket and sank himself in even more into the pillow.
"She told me she had never seen it." He continued, staring at the ceiling.
"But… something got in the way." He told his uncle with a sad look in his eyes.
"Right… something." Levi responded. He left the room, wondering what could have distraught the boy in that way.
Levi had been indirectly blamed for the princess' disappearance, at least for the first couple of days. The Eldian Empire was hoping for some of their many enemies to claim the young girl's kidnapping after releasing the information to the public. Not one of them, however, was bold enough to claim such devious act. It was a situation that upset their subjects. A child was missing, that was a pain parents couldn't bear to one day have to feel, and many others had felt at some point. It was relatable. People sympathised with their Queen's pain.
A nationwide search was demanded, passing those first two days, every Eldian was out there, looking for the lost princess. Levi waited on the field everyday, he was confident the boy and the girl would show up eventually. And the boy did. His uncle was very disappointed, he was relieved, of course. But he was disappointed to see the boy had come back alone.
Levi walked into their small living room again. Azzy was finally resting after that bizarre resurgence. The seashell was placed on the top of the table, next to the fireplace. Levi had no idea the boy had brought that with him. He sat in front of the fire examining the small shell. He thought of the innocence of those small children, and how evil he knew the world to be. Levi vowed to himself that he would find that girl and that he would kill whoever evil had hurt those pure souls.
.
.
.
- Year 854 - "The Rumbling" - On Top Of Fort Slava
Mikasa looked in the direction of the chaos further away, she knew she was needed there. She took a deep breath and looked at her son in a loving away.
"We can talk for as long as you need me here, baby boy. But I need you to promise me you will place me in the exact moment we left from there, that is extremely important." She explained carefully. Mikasa astonished, but also a little unsettled. She had seen her boy all grown up in her dreams a few times… but this was a different thing. She knew this could happen, it was very probable. Seeing it happen, however, gave her a whole different feeling. She wasn't mentality ready to see her small toddler looking like that, it took some time to adjust.
"So you know what I can do?" Azzy asked, looking at the floor.
"Of course I do. I'm your mother. I know how it works. I also know you have limitations, so I'm surprised you made back this far."
Mikasa told her son.
"Well, I'm sure I don't have anymore the same limitations I had when I was two."
He replied feeling a little offended.
…
"Who is that?" Jean asked confused, pointing up to the top of the bone structure.
"It looks like a ghost." Gabi said. She was squinting her eyes and protecting her face with her hand. The brightness of the sun was bothering her.
"Did you guys hear what I said? And saw what I saw? Mikasa just vanished…" Connie was very confused, no one was paying attention to that.
"That's her…" Reiner sounded somewhat spooked. "That's the goddess Ymir." He told the group.
"She looks very small and frail for a goddess." Annie wasn't impressed.
"You shouldn't talk like that. We are seeing what that thing is capable of, and we don't know what it is planning to do next." Levi reprimanded Annie.
"Should we kill it?" Jean asked.
"The ghost?" Gabi was confused.
"That witch has been dead for over 2000 years, there's nothing we can do about that." Reiner explained.
"So, what do you think it wants?" Annie asked, puzzled.
Pieck was in the other side of The Founder's bone structure, near the head. Struggling with many Resurrected Titans, particularly a group of War-Hammers that were exceptionally tough to beat. And even then, whenever she did eventually beat them, they would just rise again. It felt like an endless nightmare, but she was ready to fight again, and she kept fighting. Until all the titans stopped, it was like they were waiting for their next command. It looked like they finally had received a new one. Some of them stayed as they were, and kept fighting The Cart, but the majority of the Titans started to run in one specific direction. They were running towards The Fort.
"What the hell is happening now?" Levi could see the commotion from further away, it was a spectacle to look at. All those titans running in the same direction, it looked like they were going to kill the last humans in there. They were all baffled as they watched that unexpected change of events.
…
Azzy went over the ledge of the Fort, he was watching the destruction.
"This all looks insane." He told his mother.
The teenager had never even seen Titans before. He never thought too much about that terrible part of history, he didn't like wars.
"How did things got this far?" Azzy asked his mother. He could see how the wind was carrying red particles and debris, how the world was completely red where the monsters had already walked through. He knew that colour far down in the horizon was coming from the blood of the deceased.
"This is what happens when people think fighting is the only solution."
Mikasa told her son.
"I know it looks hopeless now, but we will stop it. I'll make sure this ends here." She continued. "I don't mind giving up my life for it."
Azzy sighed.
"So you know why I am here then…." He asked.
"You are alive and well-" Mikasa smiled, she gestured to fix up his jacket and his hair. "And you are all grown up. … Well-" She joked. "-almost." Hovering her hand over his head as if to measure his height. Azzy took her hand to hold.
"If you are healthy and safe it means there's still a world out there, it means we stopped this madness before everything was destroyed." Mikasa continued. Her son was staring at her hand and playing with her fingers. She raised up his chin so he could look straight into her eyes.
"Why would you come all the way back here… If I was there with you? Why would you risk so much just to talk to me, if I was a part of your future?" Mikasa explained. The fact that he went back so far and showed up there, to see her for one last time was the confirmation for her. That was the place she was supposed to die.
"I'm not here just to talk to you. I'm here to take you home." Azzy explained.
Mikasa let go of his hands, she stepped back for a moment.
"I'm not going anywhere." She was firm with the boy.
Azzy could not believe what he had just heard. It shattered his heart into a million pieces.
"What do you mean? I came here to save you! You don't deserve to die like this. I can just remove from here, I can make it all better."
The young boy tried to explain, he was feeling very small.
"Azzy, I can't just leave. Your father is in real danger, I have to go save him." Mikasa pointed one of her swords in the direction of the rumbling.
"He will be fiine." Azzy's voice squeaked a little, he was nearly fifteen.
Mikasa opened her eyes wide in a disapproving way. Azzy scratched his hair for a second.
"I-I mean, we can deal with that afterwards. You are my priority now." He tried to explain himself.
"How old are you now?" Mikasa questioned her son.
"I'm nearly fifteen.. I think." Azzy responded.
"You think?" Mikasa didn't like the uncertainty.
"Jumping can get a little complicated… I get confused sometimes."
Azzy was used to have many gaps in his memories, he hoped his mother wouldn't pick up on it. He didn't want her to worry about him.
"When I was a little younger than what you are now, I made a decision, perhaps the most important one in my life. I became a soldier. And that is what I am. I vowed to protect others, the ones that can't protect themselves. If I'm stronger and I can make a difference, then I will protect them all. I need you to understand that. There are lives out there that can still be saved, so I will gladly sacrifice my life to save them." Mikasa gave her speech.
Azzy started to get angry with his mother.
"So, when you left me on that orphanage, you were leaving me there for good? You knew you were never coming back?" He asked, his eyes were a little teary.
"I knew that was a possibility… Now you just made me sure of it." Mikasa responded.
"But it hasn't happened yet! I can change it." Azzy argued.
"That's not how it works." Mikasa responded. "You should be aware of that by now." She hoped her son was a little more mature than he seemed to be at that point and a lot more responsible with his abilities.
"Why?" He asked her with anger.
"Because things already happened as they did." She answered.
"Not yet, not to you!" He replied, crying.
Mikasa really wanted to hold her son in that moment. He seemed desperate and confused, heartbroken. But she couldn't take any chances, this could all be a trick, if she touched him she was at risk of disappearing from that reality for good. The boy was devious, just like his father.
"But they have, you are the proof of that. Changing any of it will imply disrupting and even destroying many people's lives. Do you understand that? It would be a very selfish thing to do." She explained to her son.
"Look around you!" Azzy gestured out with his hands. "The world is already ending! Is it really going to make that much of a difference if I save you?" He questioned.
"It will. Because that never happened. You shouldn't play with things we don't understand. Please, I need you to be more wise with the abilities you were given." His mother responded.
"So what? I do nothing then? I just let you die here?" Seeing his mother disagreed so strongly with what he believed to be right was very painful for the young boy.
"Yes." Mikasa was blunt. "Promise me you will go back, and live your life, just as it was before." She asked.
"Do you want me to just go back and pretend nothing happened? Go live underground, with uncle Levi, always running from everything and everyone. And never see you or dad again?" Azzy asked his mother.
Mikasa was relieved to know Levi had kept his promise to take care of the boy, in case something happened to both her and Armin. And also glad to know at least one of them had survived all this.
"Why would you be running?" She became curious about that particular detail.
"Things in the world aren't exactly easy after all this, I'm sure you can imagine that." Azzy responded, annoyed.
"I'm sure you can handle it." Mikasa smirked at him. Azzy wasn't in the mood, but he still gave back a half smile.
They both noticed how the commotion out there was getting closer and closer to the fort.
The boy thought on his own for a second. He grew up knowing very little about himself, his parents, and his abilities. He was taught to put them aside, to always hide. He had so many questions that no one could give him answers to. He finally decided to own himself and accept his power. He was sure what he wanted to do was good. He never thought his mother, out of all people, would disagree with him. Azzy was feeling lost and powerless, he was very confused and upset. The boy couldn't understand why his mother didn't want to be saved.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked.
"For the reason you said. There's a world out there, after all destruction. People survive this." Mikasa answered.
"Not many people." Azzy replied.
"Every life is worth saving." Mikasa explained.
"Not yours, apparently." The boy was angry.
Mikasa looked with him with love, the same look she would give him when she was putting him to sleep in his crib, when Azzy was much younger than what he looked like now. The boy wouldn't meet his mother's eyes, he was very disappointed at her.
"Why am like this?"
The boy finally asked.
"Why do I have the power to do what I can do then? To keep it hidden? To never use it?" The boy didn't know what to make of himself at that point. He was hoping his mother would.
Mikasa didn't know the answer to his question. That had been a mystery to them since the beginning. No one knew why the boy was born like that, not even his parents. Armin was always focused on the 'how' in his endless researches. Mikasa was more centred on the higher meaning of it all.
"I believe you were born like that for a reason. And we don't know what that reason is yet. Don't waste your gift in your own selfish needs, that is not the right thing to do and I don't believe your uncle raised you like that." She held him by the shoulders and wiped the tears from the boy's rosy cheeks.
"Be patient, learn how to master this. When the time comes, you will know what to do. You will know the reason. You will know what was it that you were born for." Mikasa advised him.
Azzy looked up to meet his mother's eyes:
"I will never see you again!"
He told her.
"I will always be with you. And I know you will never forget me." Mikasa told her son. She finally embraced him.
"I love you more than anything in this world. And knowing how much you have grown, that you survived all of this is the best gift I could get, before I go." She confessed.
Azzy's visit in that moment had made her extremely happy.
Az hadn't a clue o how to respond to that. He just decided to obey his mother, this one last time. Mikasa could see the light surrounding them, she could see the light shining from him.
"Wait!"
She exclaimed. The boy startled. Mikasa hugged him even closer.
They stayed like that for a few minutes.
The military outside of the fort was absolutely terrified. There was a wave of Titans running at full speed in their direction. They were getting closer and closer fast.
"Before I go-" Mikasa was tender and serious in her tone. "I need you to promise me one thing. She continued.
"… I want you to grow up to be a good man, promise me you will be a good man."
It was Mikasa's last wish for her son.
"I will." Az answered his mother.
They disappeared in a streak of lightning. And just like that, the moment they had, actually never was.
The herd of Titans coming their way dissipated, so did the settling of the argument between the soldiers and civilians next to the fort. Or the troublings the Alliance just had with an apparition. All of it was gone. Time was reset.
"BOTH. We are doing both…" Levi proceeded to explain how they were going to divide their efforts into two teams, his pupils were listening very attentive.
"Did you hear what I said?" He turned to address his cousin, after his whole explanation, she seemed very out of it.
Azzy fulfilled his mother's first request. She was back in the same place at the exact time, not a second out of line.
"Mikasa, we need to rescue Armin." Annie addressed her, she also noticed Mikasa's confusion, they all did.
"Right… " Mikasa said it, holding her head.
"Are you okay?" Reiner asked.
"Headaches?" Levi was familiar with might've been happening.
Mikasa nodded.
"It will pass, don't worry." Levi told her.
They moved on with the plan. She slowly went back to her senses. Mikasa felt empty inside, she couldn't recall what had just happened. Those memories would never reach her.
The mother had asked her son to be a good person, that wish was still in her subconscious, and it made her extremely sad. Mikasa knew she was not being a good person herself. She was ready to give up her own life if it meant to save the hundreds of thousands still alive in that wrecked world. And in doing so, she was very aware she was not only giving up her own life, but the life of her unborn child as well.
Ymir could recognise the sadness in Mikasa's eyes. She was a mother too. The old apparition was watching over them. Unlike the others down there, she could tell the change of time. It was almost seamless, but she knew.
"Where are you?"
Ymir asked in her own thoughts.
…
Azzy was walking alongside one of the many completely destroyed cities. Trying to avoid the pools of blood around him. Sometimes he felt like one of the trampled bodies had moved, but it was all his imagination. Even if there were survivors amongst the millions of corpses, it was improbable they would have the strength to move or cry for help. And if they did, who would they cry to? The boy could see all those titans moving in the distance, he was just there. And now he was curious to know more, to know how things got to that point. Seeing that destruction with his own eyes was very different than hearing or even reading about it. All those lives, trampled, like they were nothing, like they were worthless.
"Why would someone do such a thing?" He asked, under his breath. But the emptiness of the world was so great at that point, his voice echoed throughout the city.
"You shouldn't ask questions you don't really want to know the answer to, boy. You'll regret it." Ymir responded in a soft and yet threatening way.
The old witch looked like a thirteen year old again. She had been following his movements for a while and was now standing right in front of the boy. Azzy didn't pay attention to her, or responded her. This made Ymir upset, for a moment she had forgotten she no longer was a part of that world, he couldn't hear or see her.
The boy walked right through the apparition, he had a smile and a strong realisation on his face. He looked right into Ymir's eyes without even noticing, there was nothing there.
"I'm not going to save you, mom," He said. "Not only you. I am going to save everyone." The boy smiled.
That was a threat much bigger than the one Ymir had just made. And it surprised the old witch. Before she could even react to it, the boy was already gone, he had left the year 854.
.
.
..
- Year 866 - Mitras, In The Royal Library:
The librarian was inspecting some of the alleyways of the gigantic library, replacing some books and going by his typical day. There were never many people in the library, even with all the knowledge Eldians had taken back from the continent now, the place was constantly empty. People aren't very interested in books, not usually. He had been hearing some small commotion for a while and decided to follow the noise. The librarian found the young boy in one of the alleyways. He was laying on the floor, very concentrated and surrounded by books.
"Hey, Patrick." Azzy said it, without even looking up at the old man, he was concentrated in one of the books.
The old man smiled, he wasn't used to have people in the library, over time, he and the young boy had become good friends.
"I'm glad to see you here, young deus, I haven't seeing you in a while." The librarian responded.
"You know I don't like that part of my name." The boy complained.
"Well I do." The old man said,
"I think it sounds… powerful-" "Ancient?" They both spoke at the same time.
"No offence." Azzy replied. He didn't mean to offend the elderly and their now antiquated names , but he was young, and he never felt that Azymondeus fitted him well.
"I just don't like Ancient History. You know that." He explained.
"I know. We've discussed it before." The old man leaned in one of the shelves.
"Too much speculation," Azzy continued.
"Not enough facts." The librarian finished the thought for him.
"Exactly." The boy replied.
"I have some new biology books for you, I think you're going to like those…" The man gestured to one of the other alleyways.
He thought of mentioning the new archaeology ones too, he himself was very found of that science and was trying to get his bright young friend interested in those. But like Azzy said many times, he wasn't interested in old artefacts and the Ancient Era. Az was more interested in geology, biology, astronomy and physics, specially physics. Of course, his obsession with quantum theories and multidimensional studies had a lot to do with his curiosity about his abilities.
"I didn't expect to find you here." The librarian took a moment to realise the corridor in which they were in.
"… You never seemed interested in the war section before…" The old man remarked.
"I am now."
The boy replied.
End of Chapter Six: "Pure Soul"