Britta's reading on her and Shirley's bed when Jeff walks into the room. He looks at her for a second, from her tousled, artfully messy curls to the scrunch of her nose as she concentrates on her magazine. "Hey, Jeff," she says when she notices him.
"Let's get married," Jeff says.
"What?"
"I'm serious." He sits down next to her on the bed. "You and me against the world. That's how it's always been. Why not make it official?"
Britta blinks. Once, twice. "Isn't this the fourth time you've asked me to marry you?"
"Yes, but this time is different! Every other time we've come close to getting married, it was for conformity's sake. But we don't need or want that! We can keep living as we are, but, you know, husband and wife."
"I thought you weren't interested in me. Romantically."
Jeff mulls this over. "I'm not. And you're not interested in me, either. But you're the person I always fall back on, so why not have that in writing? Our relationship is complicated enough as it is. Why not simplify it?"
She still hasn't put the magazine down.
"You don't have to decide now. Just, think about - "
"Okay," Britta says.
Jeff raises an eyebrow, incredulous. "Okay?"
She gives a sideways smile. "Why not? We wanted something crazy, didn't we? And what could be crazier than marrying you?"
Now Jeff's the speechless one. "When?"
"Tomorrow?" Britta suggests. "We'll be in Albuquerque tomorrow afternoon, I'm sure we can find a wedding chapel. Unless you wanted a big wedding."
He shakes his head. "Nothing could be more embarrassing than publicly marrying you."
"I feel the same."
It's remarkable, Jeff thinks, how on a week-long reunion road trip with college friends filled with activities and sightseeing, the most memorable events could happen in the car. The group had awakened bright and early to stow the pullout bed and get ready for the long drive to New Mexico. Jeff's noticed how Troy has been floating around, morose, from person to person. Meanwhile, Abed is glued to Annie's side.
At one point, while Shirley and Troy are up front driving and Jeff, Abed, and Annie are watching a movie on Abed's laptop, Britta grabs Jeff's arm and pulls him aside. "I found a wedding chapel," she says quietly. "I'm not sure how legal it is, though. One of these reviews says they printed the marriage license out right in front of the bride and groom. On construction paper."
"Good enough for me," Jeff shrugs. "You sure you want to go through with this?"
She gives a sideways grin. "Yep. You?"
Not at all.
"Definitely."
He isn't sure what to do - do they hug? Kiss? Shake hands? - so he just says, "I am completely ready to enter into a questionably legal marriage with you."
"As am I, Mr. Winger."
Jeff crosses his arms, grinning teasingly. "Britta Winger... I like the sound of that."
"Laugh it up, Jeff Perry."
He rolls his eyes. The two of them sit on the couch across from Abed and Annie, keeping a careful amount of distance between them. "Anyone up for a game of Go Fish?"
Abed pauses the movie. "Sure."
The four of them play a couple rounds before Shirley pulls over at a rest stop to have lunch. It's hot outside, so they stay in the RV while Shirley makes sandwiches, talking and laughing like the kitchen is the study room back at Greendale. Abed keeps looking from Jeff to Britta in a way that makes Jeff slightly nervous.
After a while of this, Jeff says, "We're not a reality show, Abed. You don't have to look at us like that."
"Something's going on between you two," Abed says.
Britta scoffs. "What? No. What would be going on between me and Jeff?"
"Well, I don't know, but you haven't picked a fight with each other all day, and at one point I saw Jeff trying to hold your hand."
"That is strange," Shirley says, her attention diverted from the sandwiches.
Everyone is looking at Jeff and Britta now, and Jeff awkwardly shoves his hands in his pockets. He looks at her. "Should we tell them?" he says quietly, trying to ignore that the rest of the group is hanging onto their every word.
She shrugs.
"We're, uh," Jeff starts. "We're getting married?"
Cue dead silence.
Troy attempts to break it. "Congratulations?"
"That's nice," Shirley says, but it's clear she doesn't really think so. "Are you two together?"
"Yes," says Jeff. "No," says Britta at the same time.
"I guess we should talk about that more," Britta adds awkwardly as Jeff shoots her a confused look, one eyebrow quirked up in a slightly offended way.
Annie gets up from her chair, staring at the floor. "Excuse me," she says quietly before walking back to Troy and Abed's room.
Jeff starts to follow her. "I should -"
"She needs some space," Shirley warns, grabbing Jeff by the arm.
They eat lunch in near silence.
Over on the couch, Abed's started a new movie with Annie and Shirley watching on either side. Troy and Britta are driving up front, and Jeff is alone at the table, staring at his phone. He has no reason to feel bad about this. After all, Annie was the one who rejected him when the group scattered for good two years ago. She's probably dating tons of guys back in Washington, faceless douchey guys Jeff doesn't want to think about. He has every right to marry Britta if he wants to.
He looks up when Annie slides into the seat next to him. "Can we talk?"
Jeff glances over at Abed and Shirley, who are both fixated on the vaguely action-y sounds of whatever's playing on Abed's computer, and knows their conversation will be totally private. "We probably should."
"I think..." she trails off, struggling to find a place to start. "I think you and I have a complicated history and we need to air some things out before you marry Britta."
Jeff nods. She holds the cards now, she has to be the one to say something.
"I'm sorry if this is a little blunt," she says. "I just needed to make sure you weren't going so far as to marry someone else just to make me jealous."
"No!" Jeff says a little too quickly. "Oh my God, of course not. It's... it's complicated."
He's not, right? He wouldn't.
"Good," Annie says. "But Britta said you weren't together?"
"We're not really," he tells her. "It's hard to explain. We're not, like, in love or anything. But it's not exactly a platonic marriage either." Jeff looks right at her now, running a hand through his hair. "I don't really know what it is."
Annie purses her lips. "I think I understand." She looks over at Abed and Shirley, still engrossed in their movie. It's a weird pair to be sure, but so are Jeff and Annie. Total opposites who make sense together. "I don't know if you still have feelings for me, and I think I'll always have some feelings for you, but I know we made the right choice. You're one of my best friends, Jeff."
"We'll always be friends, Annie."
She smiles, nods, gets up. The movie must be good if everyone's so interested, but Jeff stays here with his thoughts. He thinks about Britta, who was so quick to tell the group that they weren't together, and Annie, who admitted she had feelings for him but decided not to act on them. He had been thinking of this whole situation as a dichotomy, a choice he had to make, but it seems Annie and Britta weren't aware. He knows they're both independent and don't need him as a crutch anymore. But maybe he needs them.
Annie is unattainable. Annie is his best friend, and, he thinks, that's enough for him. Britta is safer. Britta is something to fall back on when everyone else is in Washington or LA or on a boat somewhere off the Gulf of Mexico.
Jeff makes his choice, and his choice is not to choose.
"Do you, Britta, take Jeffrey to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, as long as you both shall live?"
Britta's wearing the only dress she brought on the trip. Dark blue, fairly low cut, it reminds him of the dress she wore to the Valentine's Dance years ago, but longer and looser, much more her. Jeff's only bothered to put on a tie with his usual ensemble.
"I do."
"Do you, Jeffrey, take Britta to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, as long as you both shall live?"
The words are loaded with a weight Jeff hadn't considered when he asked Britta to marry him. He loves her, of course, like he loves Abed and Shirley and Annie and Troy. He's willing to honor, cherish, and protect her, whatever that might entail. But the words are weighted and all he can say is "Yeah. I mean, I do."
You Britta'd it, she mouths. Jeff rolls his eyes, but he's smiling.
"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife."
Jeff grins at his wife and hugs her with all his strength.