Chapter 4

When I look back on this day, my behavior doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why I didn't fight her harder, why I didn't try to get away again. It wasn't a rational decision on my part—it wasn't a conscious choice to cooperate in order to avoid pain.

No, I am acting purely on instinct.

And my instinct is to submit to her.

She puts me down on the bed, and I just lie there. I'm too worn out from our earlier struggle, and I still feel woozy from the drug.

There is something so surreal about what's happening that my mind can't process it fully. I feel like I'm watching a play or a movie. It can't possibly be me in this situation. I can't be this girl who was drugged and kidnapped, and who is letting her kidnapper touch her, stroke her all over her body.

We're lying on our sides, facing each other. I can feel her hands on my skin. Warm on my frozen flesh. Strong, though she's not using that strength right now. She could subdue me with ease, like she did before, but there is no need. I'm not fighting her. I'm floating in a hazy, sensual fog.

She's kissing me again, and caressing my arm, my back, my neck, my outer thigh. Her touch is gentle, yet firm. It's almost like she's giving me a massage, except I can feel the sexual intent in her actions.

She kisses my neck, lightly nibbling on the sensitive spot where my neck and shoulder join, and I shiver from the pleasurable sensation.

I close my eyes. It's disarming, that surprising gentleness of her. I know I should feel violated—and I do—but I also feel oddly cherished.

With my eyes closed, I pretend that this is just a dream. A dark fantasy, like the kind I sometimes have late at night. It makes it more palatable, the fact that I'm letting this stranger do this to me.

One of her hands is now on my buttocks, kneading the soft flesh. Her other hand is traveling up my belly, my rib cage. She reaches my breasts and cups the left one in her palm, squeezes it lightly. My nipples are already hard, and her touch feels good, almost soothing. Kai has done this to me before, but it's never been like this. It's never felt like this.

I continue to keep my eyes shut as she rolls me onto my back. She's partially on top of me, but most of her weight is resting on the bed. She doesn't want to crush me, I realize, and I feel grateful.

She kisses my collarbone, my shoulder, my stomach. Her mouth is hot, and it leaves a moist trail on my skin.

Then she closes her lips around my right nipple and sucks on it. My body arches, and I feel tension low in my belly. She repeats the action with my other nipple, and the tension inside me grows, intensifies.

She senses it. I know she does because her hand ventures between my thighs and feels the moisture there. "Good girl," she murmurs, stroking my folds. "So sweet, so responsive."

I whimper as her lips travel down my body, her hair tickling my skin. I know what she intends, and my mind blanks out when she reaches her destination.

For a second, I try to resist, but she effortlessly pulls my legs apart. Her fingers pat me gently, then pull apart my nether lips.

And then she kisses me there, sending a surge of heat through my body. Her skilled mouth licks and nibbles around my clitoris until I'm moaning, and then she closes her lips around it and lightly sucks.

The pleasure is so strong, so startling that my eyes fly open.

I don't understand what's happening to me, and it's frightening. I'm burning inside, throbbing between my legs. My heart is beating so fast I can't catch my breath, and I find myself panting.

I start struggling, and she laughs softly. I can feel the puffs of air from her breath on my sensitive flesh. She easily holds me down and continues what she's doing.

The tension inside me is becoming unbearable. I'm squirming against her tongue, and my motions seem to be bringing me closer to some elusive edge.

Then I go over with a soft scream. My entire body tightens, and I'm swamped by a wave of pleasure so intense that my toes curl. I can feel my inner muscles pulsing, and I realize that I just had an orgasm.

The first orgasm of my life.

And it was at the hands—or rather the mouth—of my captor.

I'm so devastated that I just want to curl up and cry. I squeeze my eyes shut again.

But she's not done with me yet. She crawls up my body and kisses my mouth again. She tastes differently now, salty, with a slightly musky undertone. It's from me, I realize. I'm tasting myself on her lips. A hot wave of embarrassment rolls through my body even as the hunger inside me intensifies.

Her kiss is more carnal than before, rougher. Her tongue penetrates my mouth in an obvious imitation of the sexual act, and her hips settle heavily between my legs. One of her hands is holding the back of my head, while another one is between my thighs, lightly rubbing and stimulating me again.

I still don't really resist, although my body tenses as the fear returns. I can feel the heat and hardness of her erection pushing against my inner thigh, and I know she's going to hurt me.

"Please," I whisper, opening my eyes to look at her. My vision is blurred by tears. "Please . . . I've never done this before—"

Her nostrils flare, and her eyes gleam brighter. "I'm glad," she says softly. Then she shifts her hips a little and uses her hand to guide her shaft toward my opening.

I gasp as she begins to push inside. I'm wet, but my body resists the unfamiliar intrusion. I don't know how big she is, but she feels enormous as the head of her cock slowly enters my body.

It begins to hurt, to burn, and I cry out, pushing at her shoulders.

Her pupils expand, making her eyes look darker. There are beads of sweat on her forehead, and I realize she's actually restraining herself. "Relax, Jennie," she whispers harshly. "It will hurt less if you relax."

I'm trembling. I can't follow her advice because I'm too nervous—and because it hurts so much, having even a little bit of her inside me.

She continues to press, and my flesh slowly gives way, reluctantly stretching for her. I'm writhing now, sobbing, my nails scratching at her back, but she's relentless, working her cock in inch by slow inch.

Then she pauses for a second, and I can see a vein pulsing near her temple. She looks like she's in pain. But I know that it's pleasurable for her, this act that's hurting me so much.

She lowers her head, kissing my forehead. And then she pushes past my virginal barrier, tearing through the thin membrane with one firm thrust. She doesn't stop until her full length is buried inside me, her pubic hair pressing against my own.

I almost black out from the pain. My stomach twists with nausea, and I feel faint. I can't even scream; all I can do is try to take small, shallow breaths to avoid passing out. I can feel her hardness lodged deep inside me, and it's the most agonizingly invasive thing I've ever experienced.

"Relax," she murmurs in my ear, "just relax, my pet. The pain will pass, it will get better . . ."

I don't believe her. It feels like a heated pole has been shoved inside my body, tearing me open. And I can't do anything to escape, to make it hurt less. She's so much stronger than me. All I can do is lie there helplessly, pinned underneath her.

She doesn't move her hips, doesn't thrust, even though I can feel the tension in her muscles. Instead, she gently kisses my forehead again. I close my eyes, bitter tears streaming down my temples, and feel the light brush of her lips against my eyelids.

I don't know how long we stay there like this. She's raining soft kisses on my face, my neck. Her hands embrace me, caress my skin in a parody of a lover's touch. And all the while, her cock is buried deep inside me, its uncompromising hardness hurting me, burning me from within.

I don't know at what point the pain starts to change. My treacherous body slowly softens, begins to respond to her kisses, to the tenderness in her touch.

The evil bastard senses it. And she slowly begins to move, partially withdrawing from my body and then working herself back in.

Initially, her movements make it worse, only adding to my agony. And then she reaches between our bodies with one hand, and uses one finger to press against my clit, keeping the pressure light and steady. Her thrusts move my hips, causing me to rub against his finger in a rhythmic way.

To my horror, I feel the tension gathering inside me again. The pain is still there, but so is the pleasure. I'm writhing in her arms, but now I'm fighting myself as well. Her thrusts get harder, deeper, and I'm screaming from the unbearable intensity. The pain and the pleasure mix, until they're indistinguishable from one another—until I exist in a world of pure, overwhelming sensation. And then I explode, the orgasm ripping through my body with such force that my vision darkens for a moment.

Suddenly, I can hear her groaning against my ear and feel her getting even thicker and longer inside me. Her cock is pulsing and jerking deep within me, and I know that she found her release as well.

In the aftermath, she rolls off me and gathers me to her, holding me close.

And I cry in her arms, seeking solace from the very person who is the cause of my tears.

Afterwards, my mind is foggy, my thoughts strangely jumbled. She carries me somewhere, and I lie limply in her arms, like a rag doll.

Now she's washing me. I'm standing in the shower with her. I'm vaguely surprised that my legs can hold me upright.

I feel numb, detached somehow.

There is blood on my thighs. I can see it mixing with the water, running down the drain. Also, there's something sticky between my legs. Her semen, most likely. She hadn't used protection.

I might now have an STD. I should be horrified by the thought, but I just feel numb. At least pregnancy isn't something I have to be concerned about. As soon as I got serious with Kai, my mom insisted on taking me to the doctor to get a birth control implant in my arm. As a nursing assistant at a nonprofit women's clinic, she saw far too many teenage pregnancies and wanted to make sure the same thing didn't happen to me.

I'm so grateful to her right now.

While I'm pondering all this, Lisa washes me thoroughly, shampooing and conditioning my hair. She even shaves my legs and armpits.

Once I'm squeaky clean and smooth, she shuts off the water and guides me out of the shower.

She dries me with a towel first and then herself. Afterwards, she wraps me in a fluffy robe and carries me to the kitchen to feed me.

I eat what she puts in front of me. I don't even taste it. It's a sandwich of some kind, but I don't know what's in it. She also gives me a glass of water, which I gulp down eagerly.

I vaguely hope that she's not drugging me, but I don't really care if she is. I'm so tired I just want to pass out.

After I'm done eating and drinking, she leads me back to the bathroom.

"Go ahead, brush your teeth," she says, and I stare at her. She cares about my oral hygiene?

I do want to brush my teeth, though, so I do as she says. I also use the restroom to pee. She considerately leaves me alone for that.

Then she takes me back to the room. Somehow the bed now has fresh sheets on it, with no traces of blood anywhere. I'm thankful for that.

She kisses me lightly on the lips, leaves the room, and locks the door.

I'm so exhausted that I walk over to the bed, lie down, and instantly fall asleep.