An: I need to warn again, in this story is talked about stuff like suicide, depression, panic attacks, anxiety and other stuff that could potentially trigger someone. So if this isn't something you feel comfortable with reading, then I would advice you to rather not.

Last chapter I ended it with something sort of "cliffhanger" like... I had let you guys guess who said the three little words, some of you were right, some not. But it was really helpful for me; to see the point of view from the readers too. Anyways I hope you will like this chapter!

"I love you"

Three words left Donna without even thinking about it. It might not be the right time, the right place, but it was a truth. And she wanted him to know, wanted him to never doubt that. Because there was no doubt in her, for the love that she had for the man next to her.

And she didn't say it because she wanted him to say it back, or even give a reaction. She didn't care how he felt about her in that moment.

For a while the silence settled over them again. Donna thought that maybe he didn't hear her, or just wasn't going to react. She just hope he knew she did. So she stayed silent and waited for him to be ready, to loose himself trom their position. His hands had stopped shacking and the tears had stopped.

"I think we should go inside?" Harvey half asked.

"We should, I'll take you to my apartment and we can take a hot shower and get dried."

"We, what?" He looked at her with big eyes..

"Seperated, we take the shower seperated, don't get any ideas on me Specter!" She corrected herself.

Which only earned her a typical smirk from his side, the cocky smile she had missed.

And with that they both stood up, still holding onto each others hands, and walked towards the apartment building.

Harvey was excited like a little kid on Christmas, he wasn't sure why exactly, but entering Donna's apartment excited him enormously. He never had seen this apartment and he wanted to know how it looked, Harvey would be lying if he would say that he hadn't thought about it before.

Inside of the building he could see it was definitely a older one, but it still looked pretty elegant. In the elevator was a old jazz melodie playing, like in old movies. In his thoughts, about the redhead next to him, he didn't realise the elevator already stopped.

"Harvey, get out of the elevator." She commanded him smiling.

"Sorry" he mumbled while flashing her a smile back.

Donna eventually let go of Harvey's hand, in order to fidget her apartment key out of her pocket. So she could lock the apartment door open.

Harvey wanted to grab her hand again, after they stepped inside, but he had no idea if she would want him to. So he stood around to take her new apartment in, most of the paintings seemed the same. The decorations were pretty much like the old apartment, the only remarkable difference was that there was no long corridor and it was all a little smaller.

"Wait here I'll grab you and me a towel, I don't want to ruin the floor."

With that Donna left his side and disappeared behind a door, only a few seconds later she came back with two towels.

"You go take a shower, I'll blow dry this mess." Donna pointed theatrically to her devastated red hair.

"Okay thanks," said Harvey, but then noticed that he had no other clothes with him, "Donna?"

"I said go shower."

"I have no other clothes with me..." he trailed of.

"Oh yes, I'll get you something from my wardrobe"

"Donna, I don't think I fit into your clothes and they aren't really my style," he quipped.

"I also have men's clothing." She replied, rolling her eyes.

Suddenly Harvey's stomach flipped, Donna having men clothing, who's clothes would that be?

His question's only grew, as she came back with a grey Harvard sweatshirt with matching sweatpants.

"Where did you get those?"

"I have my sources, remeber I am Donna." She said while giving him them.

"Wait a minute! Are they mine?" He asked grinning like a complete idiot.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because on the sleeve is a 'H.S." engraved?"

"Okay these are yours, happy?"

"Yes, how do you even get those?"

Donna was emberassed, she had no idea what exactly happened, but she knew her intention was not ending up with a hangover in Harvey's condo.

What worried her more was the fact that she wasn't wearing her clothes, it was his.

"You woke up!" Harvey said while entering his bedroom, grinning at her.

"Why am I here?"

"Good morning to you too!"

"Harvey?" She asked the anxiousness very audible in her voice.

"Relax, I don't know what happend, you just came here in the middle of the night, telling me you want to eat chunky monkey..." And while he said that, he couldn't stop the big smirk tugging over him.

"I what?"

"You told me you want to eat chunky monkey but the store had non."

"Okay, but why am I not wearing my clothes?"

"Oh did I forget the part where you went showering, in your clothes?"

"Shit, I was drunk..."

"Yes, by the way, your concert of 'Baby one more time' was very elegant!"

"Go shower and behave, or I'll turn down the warm water!" She threatend.

With that Harvey quickly dissapeared behind the bathroom door, in bare seconds she heared the shower turn on and the water streaming.

After Donna successfully blow-dried and combed her hair, she slipped into a dark blue leggings and a white shirt.

To spend the rest of the time she had, before Harvey had finished his shower, she sat on her couch and tried to read. But every time she read a sentence, she seemed to have forgotten the beginning of the sentence again, so she began to read the same sentence umpteen times. Unsuccessfully.

The whole day was still heavy on her, she knew what he was going to tell her, but she hadn't expected it so soon. In all honesty, she didn't even exspect that he was going to open up to her on his own accord. Especially not so soon.

And now, she wasn't sure what was happening, would he stay here over night? Or drive back to Rachel's and Mike's house, maybe he was hungry...

Before she could think about it any more, she heard him turn off the water, and in a short time he stepped out of the bathroom himself.

She was watching him closely, his hair was jagged from his head, his skin was completely flushed. The gray Harvard shirt hung loosely from his shoulders, only now did she notice that his posture had changed slightly. Although his shoulders were broad as ever, he looked generally slimmer. His face was also a little more edgy. Donna wondered if this was due to his mental state, or a change in his workout plan.

"I know I'm handsome, but could you stop staring at me? I have feelings too." He mocked her.

"I didn't stare at you because you are pretty, don't get any ideas Mister, but your hair is sticking out like a hedgehog." She shot back.

When Harvey heard this remark, he immediately tried to straighten his hair, which only even looked more ridiculous, to Donna's delight.

"Are you going to stay here?" Donna suddenly asked.

"Do you want me to?" He asked back uncertaint if he would be overstepping her boundaries.

"Yes- I mean..."

"Then I'll stay," he said with a slim grin.

"Wait, where is Haylay?"

"Rachel and Mike are taking care of her, I think I am ridding Mike into big shit with all the kid stuff." He joked.

"I didn't know that you had something against children?"

"I didn't, well, I just meant..."

Donna gave him one of her typical glances with a quirked eyebrow.

"I just never really thought about having kids... but I suppose it wouldn't be bad to have kids someday."

Harvey didn't tell her that he had already thought about it, even had several hours with Doctor Flemming. That he had developed a longing for a small family of his own, especially over the past year. He didn't tell her that every time he imagined his own child a red-haired little boy would show up, playing baseball.

"Then you are better start to knock someone up, you aren't getting any younger!" She said half jokingly.

"I know"

"Okay, let's leave all that serious talking, its late. How about a movie?"

"Sounds good," he agreed as he collapsed onto the couch next to Donna.

"Okay what do you want to watch?" She asked while turning on the Tv.

"The gold rush?" He asked.

"Oh god no, I will never ever watch this movie again!"

"City Light's?"

"No, next"

"A King in New York?"

"What do you suddenly have with all the Charlie Chaplin Movies? Take a hint, I am not watching that!"

He rolled his eyes at that, but decided to not try to explain to her again why the movies were good.

"Okay maybe you should suggest something?"

"Mamma Mia?" She tried.

"I really don't need to hear Meryl Streep singing today and the plot is pointless anyway." He complained.

"See that's why we need to watch it, the more you watch it the more you like it!" Donna protested.

"No."

"My Best Friend's Wedding?"

"I am definitely not gonna watch that movie with you!"

"Why not." She argued back.

"Because..." He tried to find arguments that weren't 'because it twists my stomach to see something like that and reminds me of what we don't have'. "I just don't like Julia Robert's."

Even though she knew it was a lie, she didn't argue, because if she was honest, watching the movie wasn't that great of a Idea anyway. Not with him, not today.

"Okay what about Cluesless?"

"No."

"Come on I know you love that movie!"

"I don't-"

"What did you say all these years ago again?"

"We said we wouldn't speak of it again!"

"If I remember correctly, and I do, you said 'Its one of the most underappreciated movies of our times'"

"I didn't..." He tried to argue.

"Let's just watch the movie." She said while rolling her eyes at him playfully.

While they watched the movie they didn't talk, they only shared glances, smiles and now and then small touches. Even ended up cuddling. Both way to tired for anything else, in the middle of the movie Harvey fell asleep. His head landed in Donna's lap and his body was stretched over the entire couch. With her embrace his whole body ralaxed in an instance, he looked like a little kitten, so Donna marked.

Absently, Donna started soothing his now dried hair with her hands gently. Even long after the Movie ended, she didn't want to move and loose the moment.

It was a strange feeling, but she didn't want to let go of him, somehow she found herself realising how much she really missed him. Not only what they did, or didn't, or when they talked. What she really missed was how she felt while just being with him, what his warm body touching her bare skin did to her.

How only the fact that she knew, if she wakes up he isn't going to dissapear, that it was just another dream. Because she had alot of dreams about him, sometimes just a normal day at the firm, or even when they still were in the D.A's office. Sometimes it was a sex dream, some resembled 'the other time', some just came from her imagination. But also, there where dreams about him coming to her, seeing him again. However, she felt always anxious, because she knew even in the dream that he wasn't there. She couldn't feel his presence, knowing that he really was there made her finally feel content. Right. The whole situation brought a certain rightness, it didn't feel weird, even that they were cuddling. The thought that they actually never cuddled felt weird.

Even though they haven't seen eachother for 6 months, in a way it seemed like they never were apart. But at the same time it felt way to long, way to heavy, the thought of not being able to know he is right next to her. Now he was next to her. at the same time the fear of losing him grew, he didn't live in Seattle, he would probably want to move back to New York. She never was a addict, but she thought that must be how it feels, not able to even think about living without him. The thought only was to much for her, but she knew it was very likely that he is going to be gone again, very soon.

Donna thought about asking him how long he is going to stay, but she was to scared to hear the answer. She thought about asking him what would become of them then. But they weren't really a them. Or were they now? Something has changed, like a switch. Since the moment he stepped into Rachel and Mike's house, she knew it from the moment she really looked him in the eyes, for the first time since he was back in her life. At first she found it difficult to identify, his eyes looked more open, older, softer, warmer...

She had seen him look at her, it was a mixture of craving and... Something else, if she didn't know him that long, she'd describe it as love. While she knew that he loved her, in his own way, it was different from what she had ever experienced.

Suddenly she was torn from her thoughts, as she found a spot on his head, with no hair, rigt by his temple. What she soon realised was a scar, a scar from his suicide attempt.

As the realisation hit her, a wave of nauseousness overcame her whole body. It made her feel physically sick, she stopped her action as she tried to hold back the urge to throw up. Donna felt herself by the same question struggling, how could this be reality?

Mostly she didn't understand how he could have done this, to her. She knew it was selfish and she was determined not to ask this question, but what did he thought would happend to her? How did he thought she would have reacted?

To the, what felt like thousandth, time today she seemed not to be able to hold back the tears.

The silent tears were running down her cheeks, she didn't want to know how she would look the next day. She knew her eyes were already very red, puffy from all the sleep she lost, the crying... Trying to hold back her whimpers, she bit her lower lip with all the strength she could give to it. Donna tried to close her eyes, to stop the tears from spreading, making a barrier for her tears.

"Donna?" A anxious voice asked quietly through the dimmed room.

"You woke up?" She asked.

Donna tried to dry the tears from her face and hide her feelings, he didn't need her to be like that. Cursing her own luck, for him waking up in the worst moment. She wanted to make him feel supported, but it was a failed attempt, because he already realised that she was crying.

"Donna what's going on?"

"Nothing." She tried to reassure him.

Harvey felt a wave of frustration go though his body, he wanted her to speak, tell him what was going on. He sat himself a little up again.

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"It's really nothing-"

"Donna, is this about what I told you?"

"No." She lied, but her face looked way to guilty.

"You can ask, say anything, scream at me... Just talk to me, please?"

"It really doesn't matter..."

"Just say it, I am not going to break down, I can take it."

"You don't need shield me, I am not a broken piece, I am fine!" He said getting now really annoyed, that was exactly whst he didn't want.

"I know you aren't"

"Donna, please, don't treat me like I am."

"I am sorry, it's just so stupid."

"Donna, you need to let me in, trust and communication are the most important thing."

"How did you get so good with the whole being Emotionally available thing?" She said chuckling.

"I have my moment's" he quipped, but then got serious again. "What's on your mind?"

"How could you do this to me?"

"To you?" He frowned.

"What did you think I would do? When I would have found out that you... Killed yourself?" She formed the question, but couldn't bare to look at him.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah"

"I thought you would hear the news, be angry, maybe go to my funeral and I don't know. Just move on." But while he said that he knew this was bad.

Because he might be self centered alot of the time, but he knew she cared, he knew it wouldn't be that 'easy'. But regardless, it was the truth, three months ago he thought he didn't care. He made himself believe that and swim in his soup of self-pity.

"How could you even think that?" She asked in disbelief.

"I am sorry Donna, but you need to understand, back then it didn't matter, my head wasn't clear. I just was so angry and hurt..." He tried to make her understand.

"All I ever do is be understanding!" She protested, glaring at him in furry.

"I didn't mean it like that-" he pleaded helplessly.

"I just can't believe how you could think it wouldn't matter to me..." And as she said it, all her anger dissapeared and all the sadness took over.

"I am sorry" He said looking into her Hazel brown eyes, desperately trying to reach her.

Hoping she would understand that he was sorry, more then he could ever make up for.

"Donna, look, I don't want to talk about this constantly. I get that this is something that doesn't just get put out of your mind, just because we once talked about it. But if you have anything else, then please can we get it over with?"

It made her feel guilty, bad for making him talk about it. She wanted to be in touch with her emotions and not cause him any damage, she wanted the control. But right now, she didn't have control, she didn't have any since they saw each other again. Sure, she still could read him, still had this bond, but she didn't have the upper hand. Predicting what he would do was simply not that predictable anymore, he wasn't like 6 months ago.

And she would be lying to herself if she would say that she didn't have questions, that she needed answers. That she desperately wanted to know everything about the time she wasn't with him, wanted to just fix it.

Especially one thing was now stuck in her head, like a burn mark in her brain. Everytime her mind kept racing back to it, another wave of nauseousness punshed her.

"On your head..." Donna said uncomfortable, not wanting to say it.

"Whats with my head?"

"The...-" she pointed at her own tempel, trying to visualise, "-is it from... ?"

While trying to say it in words, her throat closed up, her mouth felt dry and her body ached.

But he still didn't get what she was trying to say, ask, the only thing he could do was looking towards her waiting fot an explanation. With his raised eyebrows and puppy eyes.

"On your head... There is a scar..."

"You want to know how I got it?"

"Yes."

Even though she was pretty sure that she knew why this scar was placed there, it felt not real. It wasn't like it still was a open wound, it was properly healed and already faded. But it was there.

It felt like a little proof for his life, in a way the fact that she knew it never not be there was torchering her. Knowing he always will have that scar, because nobody was there, she couldn't even imagen how he must have felt.

"When I tried to kill myself, I sort of shot myself in the head."

"Sort of?"

"Okay I did..."

"Where did you even get a gun?"

A question she now realised was probably not something she should ask, on the contrary, she didn't remember him having a gun. Or even linking gun's...

He flinched at the thought of which gun he used. It was just a little bitter irony to everything.

"Harvey?" Donna questioned.

"Do you remember the old Gen 4 Glock 19 my father owned?" He asked, suddenly being very interested with the ground.

That statement stung, Donna could feel her jaw dropping. He killed himself with his father's gun, with a gun from one of the most important persons in his entire life.

She thought about the possible ways she could react, tried to think of something to say. But there was nothing to say, nothing she could have answered would change anything, or make it less crappy.

The only thing that felt in any way right for to say was, "Okay".

"Okay?" Harvey frowned.

"Okay." She repeated.

It was the acknowledgement of what he told her, accapting snd not adding anything. Because there was nothing to add.

After a pregnant pause, where they just looked at each other, Harvey felt the tiredness overcoming him.

"Donna?"

"Yes?"

"We should sleep, you need to work tommorow... I need to pick Haylay up..."

"I know"

Donna woke up from a crash sound, which made her imidently jump out of bed.

As fast as she could she made her way out of her bedroom, into the kitchen. Harvey was clearly already awake since he was standing in the kitchen, trying to look innocent. But the broken cup on the ground said otherwise.

"I know we just reconsiled, but if you ever wake me up like that again, you are going to be sorry!" She barked at him.

"Someone is not a morning person." He grinned widely.

"Get out of my kitchen!" she said with a death glare.

"Okay, okay" He hurried away from the kitchen counter.

She didn't seem in a really good mood, at all.

He still couldn't supress another comment, "You know, I am not complaining, by the way you look awesome in these panties!"

Shit. Donna looked down at herself, she was only wearing a white shirt and her panties. Not any panties, no, her 'Hello Kitty' panties.

"You know I just thought about it again, get out of my apartment."

"What?" He looked baffled at her.

"You heared me, get out!"

"I am sorry?" he tried.

But it didn't sooth her, she walked towards him, "Come on pretty, move your ass!"

"My clothes aren't dry yet..." He tried to argue.

"You have pants and a shirt, I think it's gonna work." She said flatly.

"But I look like a I am homeless..."

"Your point?"

"First I need to sleep on that afwul couch and now you throw mr out in the morning?"

"Yes" A wicked grin tugged over her.

Harvey realised it would be best if he would just do what she said, even though he didn't understand why she wa so moody. He actually recalled her as a morning person, but he didn't actually woke up with her in the past... So maybe she wasn't a morning person after all.

She finally managed to corner him to her apartment door, opening it, showing him the way out.

"You know that's not very classy of you..." He said after he stepped out of the apartment.

"We established a long time ago that you are not a gentleman, let's establish something else. I am not a gentlewomen."

And with that she slammed the door shut Infront of his nose, which left Harvey Specter amazed and a little more turned on the he should be.

to be continued...

Okay this was pretty boring to write, because it didn't happend' much, except conversations and a sight especially in Donna's feelings.

I don't know if it seems weird that Donna threw him out, but it's for the greater good of the story. Also she has furtive reasons, what do you think that might be?I purposely didn't make the whole, where sleeps who thing, where then both end up in the same bed. Because first of, it's kind of a cliché, second of, they aren't there. Yet.

Please review, it motivates alot to get Feedback!

I have to say a few things now, because I don't want to write something about such a sensible topic, without any "comment".

You can read this, or not, thats up to you... I promise I won't make more authors notes, or not that long ones. I know that's not what you guys want to read...

Okay, so first of; I feel like this should have been already said in chapter 2, but I kind of didn't want to.

I am writing a story about a recovery from suicide, but I am not in any way a professional, studied anything towards this. I might in the future, but I am myself 15 years old, so even though I have experience with suicide, Mental health and certain other things... I am limited to what I know from my own experience, books, therapy sessions etc.

What I am not trying to do is glorify suicide or any mental disorder, because it's nothing pretty. What I am trying to do is write about recovery, make it visible and talk about it.

I am writing about Suits, because it's the one show that helped me a lot in many ways. I also love these characters alot, especially Harvey and Donna. I choose Harvey because I can relate to him, also making a follow up from season 7 kinda presented itself in my head.

I have got some comments telling me they don't think that would ever happened, that's completely fine and justified to think. I don't think it would Happend' in the show either, if I am being honest.

But, I feel like it's a possibility, loneliness does alot to people, Harvey also is not sober as it happens. Without work, he doesn't have anything left, so it feels, and I myself can imagen it happening.

Also, I need to clarify why I made this into a romance story. First of, I feel like there is no Harvey without Donna, I am also just really shipping these two. It also kind of helps the story with a red string (?), and it's not like people with mental health problems don't seek for love.

And if I am being honest, I like to think that Harvey has been through stuff and changed in some ways, playing with it just seemed alot of "fun". I just hope it will improve my writing...

It also always helps if you are recovering to have someone you can trust, since this is completely the case with Darvey I felt like it could really work. I purposely let Harvey recover 3 month's without Donna, because I could have wrote it differently. (Donna getting a call that he was in the hospital...). But Donna isn't supposed to be some sort of saviour, being with someone is not a cure from your mental health.

Technically I wanted to have Harvey actually pretty much already recovered, physically, the only thing left is the speaking sbout it part. Especially with his friends.

What I should also clarify is the rating, it's T rated, that's because I feel weird writing as a teen for a older audience. Also the story does go with difficult topics, but these are also important topics that aren't just an "adult problem".

Also: I purposely don't diagnose Harvey with mental illneses, I don't feel like its necessary and I don't like to diagnose people.

The first idea of this story was actually a story about Harvey having a burnout, but I don't have any experience with it. I do still kind of want to write it, but it would have gone very differently then this one.

In this story are still thing's open, about details from the last 6 months and how Harvey even ended up taking care of Haylay... But it will get explained in the story, with conversation's between the characters, I hope at the end it all feels very fullfilled...So I think that covers what I wanted to say.

Small add: In general I decided to make Haylay present in this story, which feels like the biggest challenge so far. I never really talked to 6 year olds in my life and It feels very difficult, especially to not forget she exists.