"In winter with warm tears I'll melt the snow and keep eternal spring-time on thy face."

Titus Andronicus, Act III, Scene I, Lines 19-21.

—January 16th—

Sirius hadn't expected the walk back to the building to be as cold as it was, but here he was, shivering as he stumbled up the steps to his dorm. His hand shook as he raised it to knock, feeling particularly idiotic for not attempting to find his dorm key before entering the building. He'd been in a bit of a rush, though, all things considered, so fishing his keys out of his backpack hadn't been his primary concern after he'd stepped out of the taxi from the airport.

The door opened slightly and a bleary-eyed James poked his head through the gap. The pajama-clad boy squinted into the hallway to make out the figure in front of him, glasses nowhere to be seen.

"Hello?"

"James? It's Sirius."

James' eyes widened. "But you weren't supposed to be back until—" Sirius cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"January 26th, I know. Change of plans, can I come in?"

James fumbled with the chain lock, and the door swung open fully a moment later. "Sorry about that. I can't see shit without my glasses."

Sirius smirked at his friend and then winced as the cut above his lip twinged uncomfortably. "Sorry for waking you up, I figured you were still up," Sirius offered as he saw James run a hand through his hair with a smile.

"Not your fault. I told you I was taking a winter class, right?" Sirius nodded. "Yeah, well...The professor isn't local, so it starts at 5:30. I learned early on that it was better off for everyone involved if I went to bed before 10:00."

Sirius nodded in understanding. "I won't keep you then, you ought to sleep."

James gave him a strange look before walking into his bedroom and returning a few seconds later with his glasses on. He paused as he took in Sirius properly.

"Holy shit, what happened to you?"

Sirius cycled through lies to tell his friend before settling on the easiest one. "I got into a fight," he said, shrugging gently and trying not to wince at the way his shoulder rubbed painfully against his jacket at the motion.

James took a step closer to Sirius to get a better look, and grimaced as he made out the bruises on his friend's face.

"That's a hell of a bruise you've got there," he said quietly, staring at Sirius with concern evident in his features. "Do you want some ice for that—" James asked as he brought a hand up to gesture at Sirius' face before freezing mid-action.

Sirius had flinched, hard. James was man enough to admit that he was ignorant to a great many things, but he knew that people didn't flinch like that after just one fight. No, James considered, he'd worked with children enough to recognize that sort of response.

"Sirius," James started, his voice pitched lower than usual and seemingly strained, "how did this happen?"

Sirius shivered a bit and pointedly avoided James' eyes. "I told you already, I got into a fight."

James shook his head sharply. "No, you didn't. Someone hit you."

Sirius let his shoulders sag a bit. "Same thing, isn't it?"

James' eyes widened in surprise, and the shocked expression on his face would've been amusing, were it not for the situation at hand. "Same thing? There's a big fucking difference between getting into a fistfight and someone hitting you, Sirius, you must know that."

Sirius began backing away as James' voice rose, hoping he could quietly inch off to his room before the conversation progressed any further. James was having none of that, however, and he crossed the common space to stand in front of Sirius' dorm room.

"So are you going to tell me what actually happened, or are you going to make me stand here all night?"

"I ran away."

Sirius wasn't sure what had made him spit the truth out so quickly, but the adrenaline coursing through his veins was telling him to leave. His eyes flitted over to the dorm's doorway before coming back to rest on James, whose face had paled dramatically in the few seconds since Sirius' admission as he connected the dots.

"Your parents—they did that? To you? " James asked quietly, incredulity coloring his tone.

Sirius nodded silently, again choosing to look away from his friend's piercing gaze.

"You're not going back, right?"

Sirius shook his head this time, not quite ready to put words to his experiences from the last few days.

James was silent for a moment, and when Sirius looked up slightly, his friend was scrutinizing him carefully. "Well. I'll talk to my parents, but I'm sure we've got a place for you this summer."

Sirius' head snapped up at James' comment. "What do you mean?"

"You're going to need somewhere to go, and you obviously can't stay here," James started, "My parents complain all the time about they haven't met any of my college friends, I'm sure they'll be happy to have you."

"But I don't want to ask your parents to do something like that," Sirius started, but James shook his head firmly to cut him off.

"Well you're not going back to that house. It just makes sense."

Sirius' head felt as if it was spinning. He hadn't planned on discussing this with anyone, let alone getting an invitation to stay with his friend's family all summer. He blushed furiously and shook his head gently.

"Can we talk more about this another time, James? You've got classes in a few hours and I just got off of a plane," Sirius looked over at James with a tight smile as he yawned and felt his lip start to bleed again.

James still looked concerned, but he nodded quietly before crossing the room to get back to his own doorway. He paused there, turning over his shoulder to look at his friend with an expression so intense that Sirius felt a bit nervous.

"Just one more thing," James started carefully, "are you alright? Do you…" he searched for the right words, but came up short with a sigh, "need anything?"

Sirius, tired as he was from getting all the way to campus on his own so late at night, didn't have the energy to mask the surprise on his face and James' whole demeanor softened at the sight of it. Sirius shook his head and James looked on skeptically.

"You can tell me if you do, you know?"

Sirius nodded gently, before looking up to meet James' eyes for the first time since his friend had offered him a place to stay.

"There is one thing," Sirius began nervously, and James turned around properly to face him with a small smile as he prompted Sirius to continue.

"Could you...not tell anyone about this? I'm going to have to tell Remus and Peter eventually, but…" he trailed off, thinking about how much harder this conversation would be with his tawny-haired roommate before shaking his head. "I'm not ready yet."

James walked over to where Sirius was standing in the middle of the common area, still chilled from the outdoors, and looked at him appraisingly. He gestured between the two of them before quietly asking, "Can I?"

Sirius nodded, a bit confused at what James meant by the question, before being trapped in a gentle hug from his friend. Oh. The stiffness in his posture began to relax a bit as James held him there, and Sirius soon returned the hug with a relieved sigh.

"I'll take this as a yes, then?" he offered up quietly and James chuckled while nodding, head still tucked next to Sirius' carefully. Sirius relaxed further and James released him a moment later.

"Of course, man. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?"

A shaky smile made its way onto Sirius' face and he chuckled. "When did you get so good with emotional stuff?"

James smirked. "Didn't I tell you? My class is all about gender roles. Feminism and toxic masculinity and all that. I'm a new man," he said in a sing-song voice and wiggled his eyebrows, making Sirius laugh. "Really though, they've made some good points, I'm enjoying myself."

"I'm glad," Sirius said earnestly, and began walking towards his door. "And James? Thank you."

He wasn't quite sure if it was a trick of the light, but Sirius thought James looked almost... sad for a moment as he responded with a quiet, "anytime" before disappearing into his bedroom. Sirius shook the thought out of his head and shivered again as he walked into his room, wishing he'd had the foresight to put on warmer clothes instead of packing them. The room had a funereal feeling to it without his roommate in it, Sirius noted. The moonlight shone down onto their reclaimed reading nook, and the walls—which were already nothing to write home about—seemed duller and more gray than they had before.

Sirius walked to his bed and moved a pillow over, jolting at the slight shock he got from touching the fabric. The pillowcase was cool, exceptionally so, and Sirius had a feeling he was going to be more than a little cold when he fell asleep. He sighed heavily before toeing off his shoes and climbing onto his bed. Wrapping himself in his blanket, Sirius dropped off into an uneasy sleep in between thoughts of being disowned and having a place to stay for the summer.

Remus hadn't been able to stop thinking about the kiss. It had been over a month, but somehow he kept coming back to it. Sirius had gently tugged a blanket over him to make sure he was warm enough, and then dropped a chaste kiss onto his forehead before thanking him quietly. In the moment after it happened, Remus had shifted in the bed because he hadn't anticipated that his forehead would feel so warm and tingly and Jesus that just wasn't what he had been expecting at all. It had been soft and sweet and kind, and Remus wasn't entirely sure he minded it. He'd been dating Matt for almost four months now, but even in that time, Remus wasn't sure that his boyfriend had extended such tenderness in their relationship.

He'd gotten into his bed that night ready to fall asleep. He'd been up working on his final piece all day, and had just spent the last of his energy on making sure Sirius' project was done—not that he regretted that, of course, but he was tired. So when he'd climbed into bed, he'd expected sleep to take over pretty quickly, and it did—but not quickly enough, apparently. He was still in that hazy space between awareness and unconsciousness when Sirius moved in front of him, and for the first two weeks after, he'd almost convinced himself that it was just a dream. But then he'd remembered the way Sirius danced around him nervously in the following two days before heading home, and he couldn't be so sure.

Whatever the truth, the memory had been doggedly persistent, showing up at the most inconvenient of times while home, and causing his mother to ask him what he was smiling about on multiple occasions. Juliana had noticed it too, and heaven help him, Remus had needed to exert every inch of control he had over his willpower not to tell his best friend that his other best friend had kissed him. Remus knew he had an awful poker face, it was only a matter of time before someone saw through it and forced the truth out of him. So when he'd gotten the email from Professor Brooks about an internship opportunity requiring him to come back to campus, he'd played up his enthusiasm about the prospect.

Which is how he'd found himself here, fumbling with the lock to the dorm's front door at 2am. Remus knew that James' class started in about three hours, so he was trying to be quiet, but if the lock didn't give sooner than later, the colorful string of curse words that he'd been muttering under his breath was going to get significantly louder, and fast. The lock suddenly clicked and the door swung open, leaving Remus to stumble into the common space before catching his balance and looking around. Odd that James had left the light on in the corner, he noted, before turning to grab his suitcase and come in properly. Walking over to his dorm room, he braced himself for the cold air he knew was waiting within and opened the door.

Whatever temperature difference Remus may have expected, he most definitely hadn't anticipated what he saw instead. His roommate was back, or so Remus gathered from the shivering heap under the blanket on Sirius' bed. Remus blinked a few times before quietly maneuvering himself into the room. He didn't recall Sirius telling him he was coming back early, but finals week had been a bit crazy, so maybe he was remembering wrong. Remus glanced over at his roommate as he moved towards his bed and froze.

Sirius wasn't shivering, he was shaking. And as Remus watched, Sirius began mumbling things and tensing and shuddering, as if he was fighting someone in his sleep. Remus stayed where he was for a moment, his eyes fixed on his roommate as he considered what to do. Sirius didn't seem to be calming down anytime soon, if anything, his tossing and turning was getting more violent. Remus had never slept in the same room as someone having a nightmare, he only knew what he felt upon waking up—a cold sweat that left him panting for breath, bruises on his palms from clenching his fists too tightly, and the occasional tear stains on his pillow. He shivered involuntarily at the thought and brought his focus back to the present, where Sirius had now started talking more clearly in his sleep.

"Don't make me, please!"

Remus' heart twisted uncomfortably in his chest, and he moved towards his roommate.

"Sirius?" he murmured, reaching a hand out to shake Sirius' shoulder lightly. The boy didn't calm at Remus' touch, instead he flipped around to face his roommate, giving Remus a full display of the tears streaming down Sirius' face. The sight made something tug painfully at Remus' heart and he tried to wake Sirius more forcefully, with a firmer grip on the boy's shoulder.

This time, Sirius' eyes flew open with a start, and Remus stepped back and put his hands up in a placating gesture as his roommate sat up suddenly. Sirius brought his hand up to grip his left collarbone tightly and Remus watched as his roommate screwed his eyes shut and took a few gasping breaths. When Sirius opened his eyes again, they were damp and red and not focused on anything in front of him. Remus took a slow step forward and Sirius' head turned so quickly that Remus swore he heard the vertebrae in his roommate's neck crack.

"Re-Remus?" Sirius hiccuped and swallowed thickly. "What are you doing here?"

"Came back to talk to a professor, but that's not important. Are you okay?"

Sirius nodded shakily and Remus rolled his eyes. "Remember when you told me that I was a shit liar?"

Sirius flushed a bit and looked towards the wall to avoid Remus' gaze. "It was just a bad dream, that's all." The two were silent for a moment, before Remus broke the stillness.

"Do you want a hug?"

Sirius turned back to face Remus with surprise. "You're not going to make me talk about it?"

Remus smiled tiredly. "Have I ever made you do anything?" Sirius shrugged, and Remus sighed. "No, Sirius, I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to."

"Oh."

Remus raised an eyebrow curiously.

"I think I'd like the hug though, if you're still offering."

Remus smiled softly, and stripped off his jacket before climbing up onto Sirius' bed. He hesitated for a moment as he looked at Sirius, but within seconds the boy had thrown himself at Remus and wrapped his arms tightly around the taller boy's waist. Remus looked at his roommate in surprise before returning the hug and rubbing his hand gently up and down Sirius' back.

He felt Sirius start to cry again before he heard it, his roommate's trembling shoulders causing Remus' own chest to shake a bit. Not quite knowing what to say, Remus continued the soothing motion up and down Sirius' back until the boy's breathing normalized a bit, all the while murmuring quiet affirmations into his roommate's ear. When Sirius had collected himself a bit more, Remus pulled back to look at his friend, taking one of Sirius' hands in his own and squeezing it gently.

"I promised I wouldn't make you talk about things, and I swear, I won't, but…" Remus trailed off, his eyebrows furrowed as he ran a thumb over Sirius' cheek with a featherlight touch. "Jesus, Star Boy, are you alright?"

Sirius looked down at the hand that rested in Remus' and bit his lip before shaking his head. He raised his head to look Remus in the eyes, and, seeing an unfettered concern present there, flushed slightly before looking away. Remus began tracing a lazy circle on Sirius' hand to calm the boy down, and moments later he spoke.

"I left," Sirius stated plainly, and Remus' eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Sorry, left what?"

Sirius swallowed before meeting Remus' gaze.

"Home. I ran away."

Remus stiffened beneath the arm that Sirius still had wrapped around his waist and leaned his head against the wall with closed eyes.

"You ran—" he took a sharp intake of breath and snapped his head down to look at Sirius' face again, more intently this time. "Did they...Did they do this to you?"

Sirius shivered under Remus' attention but murmured his assent quietly. Remus sighed and leaned in closer, pressing his forehead against Sirius' gently as he resumed the circular motions on his roommate's palm.

"This wasn't the first time, was it?" Sirius shook his head faintly and Remus squeezed his hand tightly in response. "You're not going back there, alright?"

Sirius pulled away, a bewildered expression on his face as he looked at Remus. "I ran away," he started, his voice breaking on the word. "I'm never going back, I can't. They—"

Whatever Sirius was trying to say was lost as he buried his face in Remus' shirt. The taller boy held onto Sirius' hand still, but brought his other hand up to hold his roommate's head tenderly against his chest.

"I've got you, I've got you, it's alright. Let it out, you're okay, it's okay," Remus whispered into the top of Sirius' head as the boy's frame continued to shake against him. Sirius leaned into Remus more firmly and nestled his head into the cotton of the younger boy's shirt.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said in a strangled voice, lifting his head ever so slightly to look up at his roommate.

Remus pulled his head back to see Sirius' face more properly. The older boy was still trembling a bit, and beneath the purple bruise that had blossomed on his cheek, Remus could tell that he was unnervingly pale. There were smudges under his eyes that spoke to weeks of missed sleep and anxious undertakings. And then there was the way he moved against Remus—despite how tightly Sirius had clung to him, Remus had felt the boy wince under his hand as he'd stroked his back carefully.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me?" Remus ground out fiercely, causing Sirius' eyes to widen in shock. "You haven't done anything wrong, in fact, the only wrong thing here is the way your parents have treated you."

Sirius stiffened and looked away, but Remus continued. "I know this isn't an easy thing for you to talk about, but God, you don't deserve to be treated like this. You must know that, don't you?"

Sirius was quiet, and Remus brought his hand to his roommate's chin before turning Sirius' head gently, hoping to force eye contact. Instead, Sirius kept his eyes tightly closed, and Remus could see he was holding back yet another round of tears.

"Sirius?" Remus queried softly.

"They disowned me, Remus. I ran away and they kicked me out," he whispered. "I—I don't have a home anymore." His words cut through Remus sharply, and the younger boy winced at the way Sirius choked out the last phrase before pulling him into his chest again gently.

"We'll work this out, alright? You and me, together. You'll be okay, it'll all be okay."

Sirius leaned into Remus before looking up at his friend.

"James told me I could stay with him over the summer, but.." he trailed off, "I don't know why his parents would want me there or if they'd even like me or—"

Remus cut his anxious ramblings off with a gentle squeeze. "Star Boy, everyone who meets you loves you, I'm sure they'd be glad to have you around. And anyhow, if they say no, you can always come stay with me."

Sirius pulled away and looked at Remus in shock. He opened his mouth to protest, but Remus shook his head.

"That wasn't a suggestion, Sirius. I mean it. My mother's been dying to meet you ever since I first told her about you, she'd be thrilled for you to stay with us, okay? So if you can't stay with James, come home with me."

Remus saw Sirius' eyes grow damp again before the shorter boy looked away, and pulled him back into another hug.

"I don't—I don't understand why you're doing this," Sirius said quietly.

Remus sighed and squeezed Sirius tighter.

"Because you're important to me? Because you matter? Because you're a human being? You'd deserve to be loved and cared about no matter who you are, but the fact is, you're you, and I know you and I care about you, and if I can do anything to make this better, I will, okay? I know a summer in the midwest isn't exactly high society, but it's something, and honestly it's the least I can do." Remus looked down at Sirius tenderly, "Okay? Let me help you."

Sirius nodded silently, pressing his face against Remus' chest and yawning. Remus smiled, glad that Sirius seemed to have cried himself out for the night.

"Come on, it's late. You ought to get some sleep," Remus said quietly, and felt his heart swell a bit as Sirius murmured something incoherently into his shirt. He released his roommate from the embrace, and Sirius took a shuddering breath as he turned his head to wipe the residual moisture from his eyes. Remus shifted to hop off of the bed, and Sirius whipped his head around and grabbed his wrist in a bruising grip.

"Don't go?"

Remus forgot how to breathe for a moment. Sirius was staring at him earnestly, eyes damp and face flushed, and Remus was suddenly struck by how attractive his roommate was, even now. The two were in quite close proximity, another detail that seemed to register belatedly in Remus' mind. He blinked a few times to clear his head before tilting it slightly.

"Sorry?"

Sirius sniffled and loosened his grip on Remus' arm before stumbling over his response. "You don't have to, I mean, I don't need it or anything, but...if you wanted to stay?"

Remus' gaze softened as he saw a flash of fear in Sirius' expression. He leaned in closer to his roommate again. "Of course, budge over a bit, will you?"

Sirius' eyes widened and he nodded quickly before moving over in the bed and throwing his blanket over Remus.

"Do you want to…" Remus trailed off as he sat next to Sirius, distracted as he noticed that his side was comfortably warm from where it was pressed against his roommate. He shivered a little and started again.

"Do you want to talk anymore? Or just…"

Sirius noticed the shiver and pulled his blanket further over Remus before shaking his head. "I just wanna go back to sleep," he murmured quietly. Remus looked over at Sirius and nodded gently.

"Alright then, let's lie back down then, hm?"

Sirius looked up at Remus in surprise. "You're going to stay?"

"It's not like I don't need to get some sleep too. It's 3am, you dork, I wasn't just going to sit up and watch you all night," Remus said good-naturedly. "Plus, I'm already here, and getting to my bed would mean I'd have to get up and walk all the way across the room," he added with an exaggerated sigh.

A pretty flush spread across Sirius' cheeks as Remus was talking, and he heard a whispered "oh" come from his roommate. Remus smiled and bumped Sirius' shoulder gently.

"Come on Star Boy, lie down."

Sirius slid down under his blanket and stared at the ceiling, feeling his roommate join him a moment later. The two lay in silence for a few minutes before they both spoke at the same time.

"Do you have enough—"

"Any chance you could—"

Remus chuckled before trying again. "You first?"

"I was just going to ask if you had enough room," Sirius said quietly. "I'm up against the wall, but I could turn on my side if you need more space. What were you going to say?"

Remus blushed before letting out a breathy laugh. "I was going to ask if you could scoot over a bit, but I suppose you just answered that. You wouldn't mind rolling over?"

"No, 'course not," Sirius said before rolling onto his side and moving towards the wall. Remus moved further in towards the center of the bed and stiffened when he ran into Sirius' back.

"Is that comfortable for you?" he asked softly, imagining Sirius shoved up against the wall.

"S'fine, why?"

Remus swallowed thickly, trying to force the words out without letting his voice crack. "I was going to say that if it's more comfortable for you to have your back against the wall, you could do that instead."

"Oh." Sirius breathed out, his voice slightly muffled in his pillow. "Really?"

"It's your bed, I don't want you to be uncomfortable in it." Sirius felt his face redden, and was glad that he was still facing away from Remus when that comment came out. Shifting again, he turned around and pressed his back against the wall. Remus' face was inches from his own now, close enough for Sirius to see the light dusting of freckles on his roommate's cheeks. His face grew warm and he closed his eyes as he saw Remus start to shift next to him.

"Is this...a normal thing?"

Remus snorted quietly. "What, lying in bed together? I don't see why not, girls do it with each other all the time."

Sirius' cheeks turned pink as he responded. "Well yeah, but not all girls have significant others and still lie down together." Remus stiffened next to him, and Sirius regretted the words almost instantly.

"Sirius, if you don't want me to sta—"

"That's not what I meant, I just…" Sirius stopped and opened his eyes again, looking up at Remus. Their faces were even closer now, with Remus' head turned towards his roommate. "I don't want Matt to be angry with you," he finished lightly.

"It'll be fine," Remus said firmly, bringing an arm under a pillow and shooting Sirius a look to make sure his roommate wasn't uncomfortable. "And if it isn't, then I'll deal with that when it comes. This is important," he paused, catching Sirius' gaze in a determined stare, "You're important."

Sirius wasn't sure what to say, so instead he threw an arm over Remus's chest and hugged him. He felt Remus start at the abrupt movement, but the taller boy quickly relaxed into the embrace and brought an arm around Sirius to return the gesture. The two stayed that way for a few minutes before Remus felt Sirius' breathing slow down, and noticed a few moments later that the grip around his chest had loosened somewhat. A bittersweet smile made its way onto Remus' face—as happy as he was to be here with Sirius, he was still furious at the Black family for putting his roommate in this situation.

Sirius shouldn't feel like his emotions didn't matter. He shouldn't have felt like his parents preferred his brother over him. For fuck's sake, Sirius shouldn't have felt obligated to go back to a house where his parents hit him, but here they were: Sirius a runaway, and Remus cradling his roommate against his chest as he finally slept. Remus thought about Sirius' comments about Matt and felt his anger rise again.

His roommate was right, if he found out what they were doing right now, Matt wouldn't take it well, but when Remus had seen the vulnerability in Sirius' eyes he hadn't cared. Sirius was one of the closest friends he'd made in college, if not his best friend. He deserved to know that someone cared, not just in a surface level way, or one that was dependent on his actions and performance. Remus had developed a soft spot for Sirius, he realized suddenly, and the younger boy wasn't angry about it. Remus knew that Sirius was a good person, but he'd spent the last four months chipping away at the 'bad boy' persona, and had been somewhat surprised to discover how genuinely kind his roommate was. Remus looked down at the sleeping boy again and started to relax into Sirius' pillow.

"I meant it, Star Boy," he whispered as he closed his eyes. "You're so damn important. And I know you don't want to believe me, but I'll spend the rest of the semester making sure you know that you are if I need to, okay?"

Remus let out a contented sigh and felt the weight of the day catch up to him. He breathed out slowly before dropping a kiss to the top of his roommate's head, a sweet smile on his face as his arms gently encircled Sirius' body.

"So damn important."