A/N: yeah so this chapter's probably the worst so far when it comes to culty stuff and violence. there is just... so much gross cult stuff in here. kuonji is a gross crusty man. that's all i can say without spoiling. i hope the chapter's fun to read anyway lol 3

vi. kiss me with forever, where only death remains.

Mikan was in the store, the Rumplestiltskin store, the store she loved.

She didn't know how she got there and her heart was racing with the knowledge that she must have somehow broken her promise to Kuonji.

Her stomach lurched but she kept moving further, deeper into the store.

In the snacks aisle, there was a beating heart between the onigiri and the sandwiches.

She stared at it for a while before she reached for it and slipped it into her pocket.

It was hot and heavy and dripping blood, staining her pocket. She wondered why she would keep it there when it was so obvious. She was gonna get caught. Her hoodie was getting wet. Why was she swiping it anyway?

Was it his heart? Was that why she wanted it?

But it wasn't his. It was hers and she knew it. Her heart.

"Cashier," said a loud voice from behind her. Mikan whipped around to see Natsume, glaring at her. "She's stealing!"

Mikan blinked in surprise. Before she could say anything, the cashier was barrelling down the aisle at her.

"It's mine!" she exclaimed. "I'm not stealing it! It belongs to me!"

"It doesn't belong to you!" the cashier said, but it was Kuonji's voice and Mikan was rather taken aback by that. "It's mine!"

He tackled her, sending her crashing to the ground and then his hands were around her throat and they felt just like Luna's had-

Mikan woke up with a start, breath heavy.

"Nghmm."

Mikan turned to see the person grumbling in her sleep beside her on the mattress: Luna.

Mikan remembered going to bed pretty late, but the last she'd checked it was Misaki beside her, not Luna.

She rushed out of bed, feeling shivers down her spine. How long had Luna been sleeping in that bed? When had she moved?

She shook off the bad feelings and turned to get dressed, eager to forget that frightful moment.

All of their clothes were gathered in three large boxes in the back of the bedroom.

Mikan walked past all the mattresses, where Nobara was sleeping beside Hana and Tono, Misaki beside Youichi, Tsubasa and Megane, and Kuonji on his own this time. They'd all slept together on all the mattresses at some point or another.

Family shares, the general motto at their house. No selfishness.

Mikan pulled on some clothes, loose jeans and a shirt much too big for her. She also grabbed the hoodie she very much liked but that wasn't hers. Nobara had worn it earlier that week, and so had Tono a few days ago.

It wasn't hers, but sometimes she liked to pretend that it was.

It was a strange set-up, maybe, especially if someone was looking in from the outside. They wouldn't understand. But once Kuonji had them sat down and explained it properly, they'd get it. The love, the sharing, the family. It wasn't for everybody, sure, but nobody could judge them for the way they lived after Kuonji explained it.

If only Kuonji had been able to explain to Rumplestiltskin, maybe he wouldn't have run off.

Mikan ran off to get some breakfast, despite the fact that it could very well be deep into the afternoon. There wasn't any way to tell time at their house, incidentally making life seem infinite and hazy.

In very little time, Youichi joined her in the kitchen, swiping a slice of bread from the bag and sitting on the floor with her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey, Ghost," she said back.

Youichi had been there for longer than Mikan. She figured he was maybe nine or ten, but they never had birthdays at the house so who could say. She was sure he was someone's kid but he wasn't anymore. Maybe he didn't even know whose he was. There was no ownership in their family, so now he was everyone's son. Who cared who he came from? He was all of theirs now.

"Luna's back," he said softly.

"She sure is."

"You're scared?" Youichi took a bite of his bread. "That she'll try to hurt you again?"

Mikan shrugged. "She's better now. She loves us all, you know. I'm just being dumb."

Youichi was quiet for a moment. Then, "I heard her talking to Kuonji and she met some high-up politician. She got him to make an appointment. They think Kuonji will be famous soon."

Mikan exhaled. "That is so great. I knew I was being silly."

"But Persona did something similar for Kuonji a few weeks ago and that didn't go anywhere. When I asked him about it, Persona hit me."

"Oh." Mikan put her arm around Youichi. "Yeah, he's… stubborn. Don't talk to him on your own anymore."

"Okay."

"Maybe Luna found something better."

"Kuonji seems to think so."

They ate in silence for a moment.

Youichi broke first. "I liked the guy you brought. He was really cool. I'm sad it didn't work out."

"He didn't want to be a part of our group," Mikan explained. "He didn't get it. He's not one of us."

"How can we tell so soon?" Youichi asked. "We just met him."

"I thought he was like us," Mikan said. "I was wrong. It's on me. He was never gonna get us."

Youichi shrugged. "Maybe he wasn't like us. Maybe he was like you instead."

She sat still, only a few bites of bread left in her hand. "You don't understand. There's no me. It's us. If he's like me, then he has to be like all of us. We're all so much alike. You know that already."

"Oh," he said, getting to his feet, having put all the rest of his bread in his mouth already. "I didn't think we were that much alike, so I guess I don't understand. Still, I hope he comes back. He was cool." Mikan looked up at him from her perch on the floor. "And even if nobody else liked him, at least you did. That's nice, Mikan."

"Yeah… I guess it is, Youichi."

He smiled at her before leaving the kitchen. He would probably go rest on a cushion for the rest of the day, or maybe he'd take off and not return for a few hours.

Mikan had always just assumed Youichi liked to run off sometimes, but maybe it was hard on him, being a kid surrounded by adults all the time.

One time he'd asked if he could go to school, just to try it, and Kuonji had chuckled before resting a hand on Youichi's shoulder.

"Ghost, you're far better off here than going to school and learning how to hate in a class full of future soldiers and sell-outs. Obviously, it's up to you, but it's pretty simply: learn to hate or learn to love. Don't you want to stay with your family? Learn to love instead of hate?"

"Yeah," Youichi answered.

"Then I think you have your answer."

He never asked again.

Mikan hadn't even thought of asking him why the idea of school appealed to him in the first place, just grateful that nobody in her family was leaving anytime soon. But maybe she should've asked. Maybe, despite all the love he was surrounded by, Youichi was still lonely.

Once, Misaki and Tsubasa tried to own each other.

It was about a year ago, before Luna left, when they were living on an abandoned farm far out into the country, miles and miles away from any other people.

Tono had made use of an old radio they found and from then on every night was a party.

They'd dance, spend the whole night talking, and Tono would pull blunts out of nowhere to pass around. Mikan had never been interested in that, not even if it was Kuonji offering. It wasn't her thing.

It had always been obvious that Misaki and Tsubasa were sweet on each other, like they would always be more content to be on their own. The time they spent at the farm made that even more apparent, with Misaki refusing to dance unless it was with Tsubasa, with Tsubasa making a point to sleep beside Misaki every night.

At the time, Mikan had thought they were in love. It had even made her happy to watch them.

They kissed during one of their parties, when everyone else was dancing. Mikan had spotted them, thinking they were cute.

The next night, Tsubasa called Misaki his girlfriend.

They were gathered around the campfire they'd started outside, sitting on logs like they were about to start roasting marshmallows.

"She's just special to me," he'd teased over the crackling fire, leaning against Misaki and giving her a peck on the cheek.

"What about everyone else here?" Kuonji asked, smiling like always.

"Well, you know," Tsubasa said. "I kinda think of her as my girlfriend. I love you guys, but she's different." Misaki had giggled into her hand. Mikan grinned, because how cute, but everyone else was staring solemnly at the fire.

Kuonji stood up and his smile entirely vanished. He made his way to the log Tsubasa and Misaki were sitting on and then slapped Misaki across the face so hard she fell over. Then he turned to Tsubasa and grabbed his hand, pulling his fingers backward slowly.

"We are a family," Kuonji spat. "There's no favorites in our family. Ownership is selfishness! I thought you got that! Now you're gonna want her all to yourself and what do we all call that?"

The rest of the group answered in unison, "Selfishness."

"So because you're playing favorites, we can't kiss Misaki anymore? Can't hug Misaki? Can't love her? Because she belongs to you, now?"

"No!" Tsubasa shouted, his other hand on Kuonji's wrist. He'd make no move to get him off though. He knew better than to challenge him. Tsubasa was being punished and he knew quite well he deserved it. "No, she doesn't!"

"No, she doesn't!" Kuonji agreed, and the grasp he had on Tsubasa's fingers was producing a horrible cracking sound. "Because people don't own each other, not in this family! We love each other all the same, all equally! There's nothing special between any of us. Misaki is just as much mine as she is yours, isn't she?"

Tsubasa nodded, his eyes welling up with tears.

Mikan had never thought about dating that way: selfishness. That's all it was, wasn't it? Just keeping one person all to yourself and forbidding them from giving love to others. Me, me, me, that's what dating was.

Kuonji released Tsubasa, who collapsed onto the floor, grasping his broken fingers.

Then, Kuonji stepped over the log to where Misaki was still on the ground. He knelt by her, put his hands on either side of her face, and kissed her on the mouth. Mikan's stomach churned.

Misaki's face was wet with tears, shining in the firelight.

Kuonji stood up straight and dusted himself off. "We don't belong to anybody."

Everyone just pretended like that had never happened, pretended like the wedding the next day had nothing to do with it.

Misaki and Tsubasa never slept in the same bed again, avoiding each other's gazes.

If you're really in love, Mikan reasoned afterward. You wouldn't want them to be yours. You'd want to share them, so that everyone else could love them too.

Dating someone was selfish and love wasn't selfish, so dating couldn't be love.

It was afternoon, and a hot one too.

Mikan was sitting with the others in the living room, leaning her head against Nobara's shoulder. Tono and Tsubasa were making a game out of passing their stupid blunt between themselves, while Youichi and Misaki played with Hana.

Kuonji, Persona, and Luna had gone out for a while, for the appointment Luna had made with the politician.

They returned right when Mikan was starting to doze off.

"How'd it go?" Misaki asked, voice hopeful.

Persona's face was always the same frown and that evening was no different, like how Kuonji always had that knowing little smile. Luna was smirking triumphantly, though, so Mikan guessed things went well.

"Well, it's too soon to tell," Kuonji began.

"Nonsense! He's being too modest!" Luna clapped her hands together. "He loved him!"

Everyone in the room clapped happily.

"Wow!" Nobara exclaimed. "One day the whole world will love you just as much as we do!"

"One day," Kuonji said with a nod, his usual smile spreading into a grin. He was happy, which was a good sign. He liked to downplay his emotions sometimes, to protect everyone in the family from getting their hopes up. But if even he was beaming like that, the meeting must have gone very well. "Maybe sooner than later."

Tsubasa whooped and everyone cheered.

"Mikan," Kuonji called, gesturing for her to get up. "You, me, and Luna are gonna go chat in the hall."

Mikan swallowed heavily, her excitement going down her throat too.

Kuonji and Luna disappeared back in the hall, while Persona went to sit in the corner like usual.

Mikan got up and followed dutifully behind Kuonji, feeling sick.

They were gathered near the door now. Luna had a big smile on her face, like maybe her feelings of triumph were not merely about the meeting she'd arranged.

"Well, Luna and I were talking about the past issues here." Kuonji gestured between the two girls. "Now, Mikan, we all know that what Luna did was horrible. Luna knows better than anyone that it was wrong. She's talked to me about it and I think it causes her more pain than it does you, knowing that her actions caused you pain."

"She tried to kill me," Mikan muttered.

"Now, imagine how she feels, knowing that?" Kuonji said gently. "Things could have been much worse. You could have died and Luna would probably feel so much worse. But that didn't happen, did it? You're both alive and well, and so there's no reason to keep tensions high like this anymore. We're a family, after all. We love each other. All of us."

Mikan had never thought of it that way.

"I won't do it again," Luna said. "I promise, I'll never do anything like that ever again. I don't wanna hurt you. In fact, I want to help you."

Mikan looked at Kuonji with confusion.

"That's right," he said. "I told Luna about Rumplestiltskin-"

"I thought you said we weren't allowed to say that name anymore," Mikan said.

"I never said that," Kuonji said with a laugh. "How silly! We aren't so petty in this house, Mikan. We can't just pretend like people don't exist, even if they hurt our feelings."

"But…"

Luna had been banished for life. Nothing you do can get you back in our good graces, Kuonji had yelled at her. You're never gonna be a part of our family again.

And here she was.

"Kuonji told me all about your little attempt to recruit the boy from the store," Luna continued. "And I think you did a good job, but you've never recruited anyone before. And I hate to say it, but you've never been charismatic, either, Sunbeam. It was never gonna work, not when it was only you trying to do all the convincing."

"So Luna and I have decided," Kuonji chimed in. "That you'll introduce Luna to Rumplestiltskin. Then you can work together to get him to rethink his decision. He might take longer to work on, but Luna will probably make the whole thing go a lot smoother."

"Oh." Mikan looked over at Luna, who was still smiling, albeit now the attempt was at sweetness rather than smugness. "I don't wanna say recruit-"

"It's just a word, Sunbeam," Luna dismissed.

"-And I don't know that he'll be okay with that."

"There's always room in our family for more," Kuonji said. "And after Luna told me how he'd be useful in our ranks, I'm far more convinced that this is a good idea."

Mikan had intended to keep her mystery boy Rumplestiltskin a secret, only telling Tsubasa.

But Tsubasa told her to be honest. "If Kuonji finds out before he hears it from you, he'll be so hurt. Devastated, even." And so Mikan told.

But Kuonji made it clear: there were only three instances where someone in the family should speak with someone outside of it.

First, and most obviously, talking with normal people through casual and meaningless chats, knowing full well you were not going to get close, was perfectly acceptable.

Second, it was also encouraged to speak with people who could help spread Kuonji's mission, like politicians and radio personalities. Those people needed to hear his words so they could become inspired and help his cause.

And third, if one was to come across someone with a great big heart and lots of love, that general vibe the family could pinpoint on sight, it was allowed to approach them and try to get them to join the group.

Mikan wasn't sure if Natsume's heart was great and big or if he had lots of love, but there was something very appealing about him.

"So if you see that spark, bring him in to us," Kuonji had said, but even while he was saying it he'd sounded unconvinced. How come Luna's words had changed his mind? Luna hadn't even met Natsume!

"You'll work together," Kuonji was saying. "It'll help patch up your love for each other and bring a new family member to our midst. A win/win situation."

"I think it's an excellent idea," Luna exclaimed, clapping her hands together and leaning her head against Kuonji's shoulder.

"And you?" Kuonji asked, before he followed that with the worst words ever. "What do you think, Sunbeam?"

"Yeah," Mikan mumbled. "If that's what you think is best."

Luna and Mikan headed for the store at around two thirty in the morning, a little earlier than when she usually encountered Rumplestiltskin. She hadn't been there in forever, and she hated that she was going there again only under these circumstances.

"Once you introduce me, you should let me do the talking," Luna said. "What was his name again?"

Mikan glowered. "I never got his name. That's why I called him Rumplestiltskin."

"That's kind of a stupid nickname, don't you think?" Luna chuckled. "I mean, in the fairytale, when she didn't know his name, he was just a little goblin or something. You should call him Goblin instead."

"He wasn't a goblin," Mikan muttered bitterly. "And besides, it was a joke."

"Whatever, he'll tell me his name."

"He never told me his name and talked to him a lot." They were on the sidewalk before the store parking lot, only vaguely illuminated by the store's lights. If Mikan was daring, she'd glance at the apartment building across the street, but she didn't want to draw attention to it.

Luna cackled, placing a hand on her hip. "Sunbeam, honey, you have the body of a twelve-year-old. No tits, no curves. And from what I've heard from the others, you were being a total creepazoid around him. Of course he didn't tell you his name." When she caught Mikan's hurt expression, she stopped walking and then cocked her head to the side, her strawberry blond hair flipping with it. "Oh, honey, I didn't mean it like that. You know how it is. Your body and your personality… well… you just… aren't attractive in that way. The way I am. The way I got that politician to arrange a meeting with Kuonji was because of my assets, that you, quite frankly, lack."

"I thought it was because of Kuonji's talent."

"Well, nobody was gonna know that without me getting my foot in the door," Luna explained. "You loosen the boy up a little and it's a done deal. Drop the worm and all the fish come biting."

"He won't fall for that," Mikan said firmly.

"He will," Luna said as she kept walking into the parking lot. "Sorry to introduce you to the cold, hard truth, but that's the way men are."

"I don't want you to do that to him," Mikan argued. "He's not a fish! He's not prey! He's a person!" She rushed forward to catch Luna by the shirt, a shirt Mikan had worn just yesterday. "He's fragile! And sensitive!"

Luna turned her head to face Mikan again, sporting a big knowing grin. "Oh, I think I know what you're so glum about!"

"What?"

"You like him!"

"Of course I like him! He's my friend!" Mikan laughed. "That's not even a secret!"

"You've always been an idiot," Luna sneered, turning all the way around. "Or maybe you're not. Maybe it's all an act. I thought it was an act before. That you act all innocent, but really you know exactly what you're doing. Which is it?"

"What?"

"You're all mopey because you want him all to yourself!"

"No!" Mikan shouted. "I would never want someone all to myself! Love is about sharing!"

"It's supposed to be," Luna said, pouting. "But you got caught in a selfish little web anyway."

"No! I'm not you!" Mikan screamed. There was a long moment of silence for the last word to settle between them, for Luna's face to sour, for Mikan to catch her breath, for the crickets to resume their chirping, before she continued. "You are the selfish, jealous one. Kuonji married all of us that day and you know that! It wasn't picking favorites when he chose me first. You made it about that."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

The day after Tsubasa's hand broke, Kuonji took the big van they only drove on special situations (so as to save gas, of course) to drive him into town and get him to a hospital. When they came back, Kuonji had brought with them a handful of white dresses, one for each girl in the family. He and Tsubasa had apparently charmed the woman behind the register at the thrift store to give them away for free, but Mikan doubted it was that sweet a visit.

He never said this whole thing was about what happened the previous night with Misaki and Tsubasa, but they all knew it was.

"It's not possible to make it legally official," Kuonji said with a teasing lilt to his voice, handing each girl the proper dress. "But I wanted to make it a point that we are all a family. So I'll be marrying you girls."

Mikan remembered the smiles on all the other girls, remembered mirroring them. But she also remembered not being able to look at the dress, not being able to breathe normally.

The dresses were all in different styles, to suit each girl. Nobara's was lacy, Luna's was tight, Misaki's was longer, Mikan's had long sleeves.

She felt silly wearing such a fancy dress with her sneakers.

"Who will be first to wed me?" Kuonji asked, after sitting everyone on the logs, rearranged to make an aisle, guys in the front, girls in the back. Persona was standing where an officiator would, playing the role of a priest maybe. Youichi spent an hour in the field gathering wildflowers for each girl to have a bouquet. All the girls sat on the rear logs, waiting for their turn, their hair down and loose, hands clutching the bouquets.

Luna put her hand up, but Kuonji was staring at Mikan.

"Mikan, my girl with the smile, why don't you start us off?"

Mikan gulped. She only caught a glimpse of the rage on Luna's face but it didn't seem important then. She stood up.

"Walk slowly down the aisle, and then we'll be wed."

Mikan obeyed, feeling goosebumps on her arms, vomit in her throat.

When she met him at the make-shift pulpit in the field, he was grinning, eager to take her hands in his.

For a moment she felt sick, disgusted even, about how much bigger his hands were than hers, how the veins running across his wrists were so much more defined than hers. She swallowed that feeling and smiled back at him.

It wasn't a real wedding. None of them were.

Kuonji had each girl improvise vows for him, and he'd make some up for them too.

"Because I love you," said Mikan. "I'd do anything for you, for this family. You mean the world to me." Saying the words calmed her, because they were true. She remembered her savior on the park bench, and now her sickness was from guilt for being repulsed by the person who had single-handedly dragged her from a life of squalor and hunger and homelessness to one in a family. "You saved me so I'll spend the rest of my life saving you whenever I can."

Persona said, "You may now kiss the bride," and then Kuonji kissed her.

The revulsion came back.

She endured it, powered through, even managed to kiss back, and then she sat through the rest of the weddings, clapped and wiped away tears of joy.

Misaki was next, and Kuonji's vows to her were so obviously about the incident last night, about how hitting her hurt him way more than it could ever hurt her.

Then there was Nobara, who barely fit in her dress with her pregnant belly.

Luna was last, but she was the most beautiful. It was almost as though it had been planned this way, for Luna to walk down the aisle as though she were the one true bride and the rest were just warm-ups.

Megane took a picture of all of them after the fake ceremony, freshly wedded. That picture was now taped on the door to the bedroom.

But later that night, Mikan woke up to Luna's hands around her throat, her eyes meeting the rage and hatred in Luna's. There must have been some commotion, because eventually Tono was dragging Luna off.

In only a few minutes, while Mikan was holding her own throat and crying, Luna was heading up the dirt road back to civilization, back to the heartless ones, with only her wedding dress, the only thing Kuonji let her keep.

"You were last, Luna!" Mikan shouted in the parking lot. "Because he was saving you!"

Luna's jaw dropped.

"After all, your kiss was the longest, his vow to you was the sweetest. If anyone is his favorite it's you! But that's not enough for you! You get so jealous and controlling! So you tried to kill me!"

"You don't know anything!"

"Well, I won't let you do that same thing to Rumplestiltskin. He's not yours. He's not anybody's, and I'm gonna keep it that way. I don't want you hurting him. Because that's what you do, Luna. You hurt people. You don't know another way to be. You're not like us. You don't have a big heart. You don't have a heart at all and I don't know how Kuonji can't see that."

Luna's face was wet with tears, sparkling under the light of the fixtures, large poles scattered around the parking lot to provide scarce light. She only appeared heart-broken for a moment before her face contorted with rage and then she pounced at Mikan, grabbing at her hair, pulling and tugging, before she turned her attention to hits and scratches. Mikan tried to fight back, but Luna was angrier and stronger. They clumsily fought, moving around the parking lot, trying to get as many hits in as possible. Mikan dug her nails into Luna's arms, but it was no use and she had to let go with how hard Luna was yanking at her hair.

They tripped around, pulling mostly, kicking occasionally, but mostly yanking and tugging with as much force as they could, until Luna seemed to get sick of it and pushed Mikan away, shoving her hard-too hard.

Mikan hit her head against the big metal pole of the parking lot light fixture.

Mikan dropped to the ground, barely conscious of Luna's horrified scream, not conscious of anything.

A/N: mikan? mikannn? mikaN? oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead.