[May 2020]

While Alastor was giving the basic lowdown to Husk and Nifty, the others were cautiously approaching the strangely generous intruder.

Angel Dust was the first to investigate. He listened to Charlie and Vaggie debating how to approach her, but their conversation faded into the background as he zeroed in on the woman's dress. The back bore a distinctive red shape. It looked slightly more like two mirrored hearts- joined at the tips- than a traditional hourglass, but the symbol was still clear, as was her general flamboyance. It often annoyed Angel that people seemed not to realize he dressed colorfully to advertise that he was poisonous, when he would recognize it in someone else from miles away. Another spider demon? Okay, he'd take the bait. "Mornin'!"

The woman turned around gracefully without an ounce of surprise. "Good morning! Care for some breakfast? Or brunch, I suppose." Most of the people residing at the hotel had either an erratic work schedule or worked a night shift, so they were either not awake or were just heading to bed. She scanned the area. "I made a lot of food. Thought there were more of you."

"There are, somewhere. I'm headin' to bed, so this is actually my dinner. Night shift."

"Wonderful, pancakes will put you down for sure. What kind of work do you do so late?"

Angel had to admit, he was mildly offended by the lack of recognition. Maybe she was new? "Angel Dust, ma'am. Hell's #1 porn star?" he introduced himself.

Terri stared blankly over an extended pause, glad her button eyes couldn't betray the full judgmental body scan she was offering, as she thought, 'I'd make more sense as a porn star, and I'm basically a sock puppet.' She supposed having six hands would be good for something in the porn industry, and at least this stick figure had all the hands to make up for what else was missing. "Interesting." She motioned again toward the table. "Go on." As Angel piled food on a plate, she took a seat next to him. "So… Work in a lot of snuff porn?"

Angel noted that while it was not an unusual conversation for him in general, it was absolutely one of the weirdest icebreakers he could imagine being offered by a woman with the sweet voice and prim style of an immaculate 50s housewife. "Uh, not that much," he chuckled. "Why?"

"Oh, I see. Well, I just assumed that you-" She motioned at her own head. "-after, um…"

Finally understanding the question, Angel laughed in genuine amusement. "Ah! Nah, nah. No head-eating." Terri, secretly a huge fan of snuff porn, hummed and tried to puzzle out why anyone would bother to watch in that case.

Lulled into a sense of security by Angel's success, Charlie and Vaggie entered the kitchen. "Morning!" Charlie greeted her warmly. "Are you a customer, or someone's guest?"

"I'm visiting your friend." Terri knew Charlie knew which one. "Any idea when he may be joining us?"

"I'm sure soon. How do you know him?" Alastor had never had a visitor before, and Charlie couldn't help being curious.

"Family," Terri said vaguely, earning a nervous swallow from Vaggie, who recognized the woman immediately as the one depicted by the doll she had rescued the other day. It made the situation even more tense and her view of Alastor even more sour. He did that to family?

"You didn't have to go to this trouble-" Charlie began, but Terri waved her off.

"I quite enjoy doing this. Coffee?" They hadn't remembered the mugs being there, yet suddenly she was pouring coffee into each one. As she poured some creamer into the mug, a second unusual sign caught Vaggie's one good eye. When she had first fallen to Hell, the first few years had been hard, as they were for most people. Overpopulation really took a toll on the work force and job availability, and two of the underpaid, often menial jobs she remembered working were one as a fake carnival fortune teller (she had no belief in fortune telling whatsoever but developed a talent for telling people what they wanted to hear and a creative eye for assigning meaning to arbitrary shapes in inkblots, clouds, or tea leaves) and another as a barista. Perhaps this was why Vagatha noticed the strange shape forming as the creamer diffused in her coffee. It looked an awful lot like a hand- an ominous, grasping hand.

Vaggie was distracted by this vision when the mysterious woman called out, "Darling! You're just in time for brunch!"

Yup. As expected, Terri was pretending nothing was amiss, and he would be expected to follow suit. Alastor approached with feigned nonchalance as the enemy spread her arms. It was a game of chicken for the ages. As Terri got progressively closer, Al accepted that there would be a hug or an air kiss. Ultimately, he went for the air kiss, anticipating that she would as well. Instead, he was bombarded by a light, breezy, but full-on hug and a kiss on the cheek, more alarming than ever after witnessing her shark-like smile moments ago. In retrospect, why would he not have expected her to go full throttle right away? Love-bombing had always been her shtick. For a split second, his whole body felt as though it were being burned, or his brain had been stabbed with a cow brand. Then he forced himself to reorient and, by the grace of Satan, was able to continue with an even voice and straight face. "So good to see you, Aunt Terri!"

That removed some context while still being 'true,' she'd grant him that. She launched straight into banter. "Sorry it took me so long to get here. I had to take a detour to kill a hipster."

"Oh? What did this unlucky soul do?"

"Didn't say 'please' or 'thank you' even once and ate an entire rotisserie chicken with her hands, in front of me."

"Ew."

"With a milkshake!"

"What?"

"I know!"

"And, ah…" Alastor air-boxed her body with his hands. "Whose is... this?"

"Mel Jones," Terri offered cryptically.

"Decided to hang onto this one, did you?"

"Well, have you seen her?" Terri spun around once. "Then again, maybe it's my inner beauty that polishes it up. She's really a drab, mousy-looking thing in person."

Alastor tried to perform politeness even while feeling like he could just spit. "You look lovely, Terese." He motioned up and down at her ensemble. "This is nice."

"I am a big fan of the 50s and 60s style."

"Yes, you were very...active around then, weren't you? Didn't you try to get into the hotel business yourself?" he asked with a smirk.

Terri smirked back. That he had deduced her involvement in the Bates Motel fiasco only confirmed that he had not been able to stop thinking of her. "Didn't pan out long term, but it was nice while it lasted. Aren't you going to introduce me to the others, dear?"

"...Everyone, this is my Aunt Terri. Aunt Terri, this is my business partner, Charlie."

She hadn't gotten the chance to do so before, so Charlie went in for a handshake, innocently delighted that Al had a family member visiting. "Great to meet you!"

Terri delicately looked back and forth between the two with a tinge of hope. Charlie giggled, waved a hand to the side in the universal 'nah' signal, and pointed at Vaggie. If looks could kill, Alastor's would have. "Ah, haha. No." He pointed in the same direction as Charlie. "Her partner, Vagatha."

Vaggie had been playing innocent ever since suffering a secret heart attack the moment she witnessed Terri in the kitchen, but after hearing the words 'Aunt Terri,' her front had been slipping as she cycled through shades of red, green, and everything in between. She gave a stiff greeting wave and managed a smile. "It's lovely to meet you, but I have an appointment. May I excuse myself?"

Charlie shot her a confused, cocked-headed facial expression in the background, mouthing, 'What? Stay!'

"Awww, but I made this for you!" Terri gushed, making intense eye contact with Vaggie for a moment before clarifying, "For everyone."

Vagatha rapidly came to terms with the fact that she had inserted herself deeply into a quicksand pit of drama as Alastor made similarly intense eye contact from behind Terri. Defeated, she slumped back into her chair. "It's not that important. Thanks for breakfast!"

"Lot of food, Aunt Terri," Alastor remarked as they dug in. He and Terri marked the two heads of the table, nonverbally competing for dominance. "How many were you expecting?'

"Well… I expected-" She wiggled her fingers. "-little nieces and nephews running around getting themselves hungry."

Alastor's smile was a tired, nearly straight line. "Here?"

"In my defense. I didn't expect you to be living in a hotel room at a rehab center."

Nice phrasing, good job. "To be clear…I work here. And there aren't any."

"Any?"

"Children."

Terri calculated in silent frustration. "How many years has it been?"

"You know very well that I never intended to have any."

Terri shrugged. "In my defense, I thought in nearly a century you'd've had one accident."

Angel snorted orange juice out of his nose in pained laughter. "Angel!" Nifty exclaimed, looking woefully at the tablecloth she'd have to de-stain.

Al shot a disgusted look to the side and sarcastically said, "That was...tasteful, Aunt Terri. Can't you do something as simple as be appropriate for longer than 5 minutes?"

"Can't you do something as simple as screw? Look!" She pointed at Angel Dust. "I understand even that thing can manage it, and that thing must be complicated to screw!" Angel cluelessly searched for the person who looked complicated to f*** with a 'challenge accepted' expression.

"Mo-mmmight you dial it back a little?" Al said.

"Ugh. These are jokes. I'm trying to be playful, Bu-" She hack-hammed. "-boy. (Sorry, went down the wrong pipe.)" Terri took a sip of mimosa. "So what's your problem with children anyway?"

"They're loud and they want things from you."

Terri giggled quietly, leaned forward in her chair, and whispered playfully, "I had no idea," earning a few stifled laughs from the others at the table. "I didn't realize they all start out wanting to be talk show hosts when they grew up."

"They don't-"

"So you just mean regular loud, then?" she joked and shot over a sassy, yet surprisingly warm look. It only lasted a moment or two, but it threw Al off- just enough to delay the realization that she had now planted the idea in the troupe's head that this was not 'family' who had 'adopted' him in adulthood but someone who'd known him while he was a child and possibly raised him.

The brief warmth in her body language was not entirely faked. Terri retained a straight face, but she was internally drowning in turmoil. What was happening? She had been so sure of what she wanted when she came here, but picking up where they left off felt...just right...even though it was all a farce. Watching him engage in banter with that insidious yet adorable grin, she couldn't help but see the little boy she had originally gone mad over behind the face of the grown adult.

This 'tender moment' was interrupted by Husk, who was already completely wrecked at the beginning of the day and downing his second mimosa, completely blowing all semblance of secrecy. "Al, you better not have been pitchin' a fit out there calling in reinforcements just 'cause your Ma showed up to heckle you about grandkids."

Al was struck silent by rage. Terri paused briefly, then gave a hearty laugh. "Well, he's always been melodramatic," she said, neither confirming nor disputing the 'Ma,' but definitely reinforcing the idea by adding, "He's always made a fuss over simple things, even as a child."

Innocently trying to be conversational, Nifty said, "Oh, he still does. Boss gave himself a whole case of the vapors the other day 'cause he caught Angel cooking eggs in the microwave."

"That is not an acceptable way to cook eggs!" Alastor couldn't help but interject before bringing his focus back to the task at hand. Terri kept hammering home the idea that she had raised him, so Alastor decided to throw her off kilter by dropping the facade entirely, without warning. "I was abducted by a demon. As I understand it, that's a fairly unusual childhood experience worth being dramatic about."

The troupe fell uncomfortably silent. Many people who were reared in a hostile family environment are familiar with the specific indignity of being trapped at a dining table, often at a public restaurant, while their family members loudly make a scene over a meal. Everyone living at the hotel was. Now they sat with chagrined expressions, accepting that they would be forced to relive this experience while Al and his ostensible aunt or mother figure hashed it out.

"Adopted," Terri corrected. She began habitually tapping one finger like a metronome on the table, filling the air with an unspoken 'you ungrateful brat.'

"No, nononono." Alastor wagged his finger chidingly. "The word you're looking for is abducted. Please explain what you believe the key difference is," he requested, perching his chin on folded hands and batting his eyes as if expecting to be entertained.

Deadpan, Terri replied, "Both of your parents were already dead. I usually have to kill them first." The troupe was bowled over, but after a moment or two of silence, Alastor burst into knee-slapping laughter.

Charlie whispered to Vaggie, "Does...does he believe it's a joke? Or has he just numbed himself to it? …Or…" She gritted her teeth with anxiety at the worst possibility. "Could he actually think it's funny?"

"I want to say Option 2, but I can't tell for sure," Vaggie whispered back.

They got an answer relatively quickly as Terri and Alastor both smiled, congenially but stiffly, and Alastor explained to the table, "It's not a joke. It just happens to be funny." He and Terri laughed together now, as the troupe shot furtive glances at one another, daring each other to be the first to ask what the heaven was going on. Was this an actual confrontation, or some strange comedy skit Al and Terri had put together? For Alastor and the woman who'd apparently raised him, either seemed equally likely.

"How's Pluto doing?" Al asked. "Or has he run out of lives by now?"

"Oh. Your cat's dead. I ate it," Terri chirped, grinning pleasantly.

Husk scooted his chair just a little bit further away from Terri as Charlie whisper-hissed at Vaggie, "What are we heeeearrrrrrrrrrrring?"

In a baby-talk voice, Al mock-praised, "Darling! You actively hunted something instead of just waiting for something to crawl in front of you! That means you must have moved for more than 60 whole seconds!" Canned applause sounded from the radio as Terri huffed. "For someone who hates cats, she sure does seem to love when other people drop dead things in front of her while she sits around and does nothing," Al explained to the others, knowing his deliberate mischaracterization of her attempt at being energy-efficient would boil her blood. "In fact…" He got up from his seat and began to push an unhappy Husk and Nifty toward Terri with his shadow appendages as he followed close behind them. "Since you've historically treated the concept of 'child' and 'servant' interchangeably, Aunt Terri, I thought these might be a suitable offering."

Husk and Nifty made extremely indignant sound effects at having been pushed like human shields in front of the very menace they had just been warned about. Nifty appeared even more baffled and wounded than Husk for a moment before realizing that her boss was obviously fake-signaling that they were unimportant to him in the hope that Terri might overlook them.

Terri regarded the sneering cat demon and turned to Al with a shrug. "Okay, I'll give you this- that's funny. That's a funny gag gift."

"I do know you so well. ...Are you sure this fuzzy bundle of joy wouldn't grow on you?"

Terri huffed, "Who wants something that will only acknowledge you when it suits it, bites you if you try to pet it, and still has the gall to expect you to feed it and pay it respect? At least dogs are loyal and affectionate."

"Who wants some needy, slobbering thing around jumping on you and sniffing you and making the shrillest noise in creation any time you leave the room for two seconds? Cats are independent and have some genuine class. They don't just pretend to be on their best behavior while an audience is watching to win a dime-bin 'best in show' ribbon," Alastor retorted. He could not refrain from allowing a stock cat war cry of 'Mrrrowww! Hisssss!' to burst out of the radio. This sent Husk face down into his own palm, helplessly guffawing. Getting Husker to laugh was the only way to make it more gratifying. This was the best Alastor had felt in the last two days.

As soon as Terri focused her attention on Husk to glower at him with the appropriate amount of hatred and disgust, Nifty scurried back to the safety of her seat, where she whispered to Charlie, "I don't think this is really about animals." Another big brain observation from Captain Obvious.

The troupe couldn't tell for the life of them what to make of these interactions. The banter was hostile and wry, but the barbs indicated deep personal knowledge of one another. And there was something else, Charlie noticed. Despite the prickly vibes of hostility exuding from both Alastor and Terri, flitting through each of their nonverbals was the manner of two children who'd had no suitable playmate in a very, very long time.

As fun as the 'best in show' line was to deliver, Alastor was growing sick of the game of chicken. He finally invited her to reveal some meaningful information. "Enough shenanigans, Terese. Why are you here?"

She laughed lightly, but the edges of her sweet voice dripped acid. "I obviously came here to make amends, but because you have the emotional capacity of a toaster and decided to act like nothing significant was happening, I've been forced to wait around and do this stupid monkey dance. So kindly don't lecture me about mind games."

"You were planning to do the same thing," Al scoffed. "This was always your signature move. And don't think I believe for a second that's why you're here."

"Why else would I have turned up?" She smiled at him innocently, daring him to dredge up the whole sordid affair over brunch in front of his colleagues and customers.

Despite worrying about being invasive, Charlie couldn't help but gently interject, "Al, if she says she's here to make things right, at least briefly give her an opportunity to prove she's telling the truth."

"You'll soon see, Charlie, that I'll owe her something for this so-called selfless act of 'forgiveness.' Which means it's not forgiveness at all."

"If you're not interested, fine," Terri said, waving both hands in front of her in a disgusted, dismissive wave. "Anyway, that's what I came here to do, but it's not why I'll be staying." She turned her attention to Charlie. "Your service interests me."

"Oh?" said the princess, not expecting this turn of events.

"A very interesting line of work for you to go into, isn't it, young lady?" Terri remarked, motioning clearly at the Magne family portrait in the hall, still as elated by her ex-son's exceptionally convenient living situation as she had been when she'd first discovered it. "I'd love to hear the backstory."

Yes, indeed, he was correct, Al thought bitterly. This psychopath planned to target Charlie, possibly as an indirect path to her father. Terese had always fancied herself a queen, and if she could manage to get inside the head of the king of all Daddy issues with her specific brand of emotional manipulation, she may well worm her way into de facto royal-hood. She'd have to jump through some complicated hoops...but it was a veritable fact that his Aunt Terri could indeed jump through flaming hoops, barbed wire, and snapping gators if need be to win her goddamn 'best in show' ribbon. She was a horrible person...but she was gifted. He would grant her that.

"I'm happy to help!" Charlie said, excited and sincere, but also casting glances at Alastor out of the corner of her eye as if trying to gauge how much drama this would cause.

"What's your success rate so far?" Terri asked. Alastor wasn't sure if Charlie could tell, but he knew the princess was being mocked.

"Well, um. We're just starting up. So I guess it's still...in...beta testing?"

"In that case, do I get a free trial period?"

"It is free." At Terri's raised eyebrow, Charlie clarified, "We have...external funding."

Terri restrained herself from betraying her amusement over this ivory tower girl with her silly nonprofit funded by her daddy. "If that's the case, I'm happy to be your lab rat for a little while and see how it goes."

Alastor was onto something in his suspicions, but there were additional, unrelated layers of complexity to Terri's interest in the Happy Hotel. Charlotte Magne was exactly the type of princess Terri had always hoped would innocently wander into one of her fairy tales. There was a second cultural revolution reflected in fairy tales that she had been looking forward to for years. It was filled with vicious beasts who could be reformed; ogres rescuing towns from white collar criminals and finding happy endings; cold-hearted sorceresses, destructive alcoholics, and irritable old curmudgeons rescued by the love of a small child; evil witches who are revealed to in fact be rebelling against cruel despots; wicked stepsisters having their eyes opened to the abusiveness of their mother and being transformed by the love of their new boyfriend and forgiving relatives; and green misanthropic hermits who warm up when provided with family to visit over the holidays. Charlie was the poster child for this new philosophy- she believed in forgiveness, and that people were complex, not simply good or evil. Terri admitted it was emotionally moving, but more importantly, it meant that even if she accomplished no additional gain via connection to Charlotte Magne, the unusual young lady could provide excellent food security all by herself.

Alastor understood that he probably couldn't stop this, for the time being, but he could keep an eye on Terri. This would probably become a game of who could drive the other one out first, but if so, good luck to her- Alastor had been known to withstand some pretty hostile conditions. Terri produced an 'ugh' of exasperation as Alastor produced a blank scroll. "If that's truly the case, I'm sure we can settle something to keep things civil. I realize it's not my right to force her to go if she's here to use a service," he said, with a skeptical smirk.

"See that? Everything's legal-ese with this boy. Has to define everything and put everyone in a box. Totally emotionally inflexible. I don't know why I tell myself I can reach him. Someone like that just can't respond to love," Terri complained.

"I believe you're how I learned this lesson, ma'am. Charlie," Al warned, "you can't accept anything from this woman without making her sign something, or at least shake on it. No favors, big or small. Nothing."

"So dramatic," said Terri.

"Not help with the garden. Not a ride to the grocery store. Not even chocolate chip cookies. Especially not the cookies."

"What's so scary about cookies?" Charlie couldn't help but ask.

"They're too good. You'll keep eating them."

"I guess they do pose that risk," Terri said, jokingly patting herself on the ass.

"I just mean she remembers every single thing you take from her- things as inconsequential as cookies that she offered you to be 'hospitable'- and tries to guilt trip you with it," Al continued.

"With cookies?"

"Little day-to-day favors that add up over time. If you don't think critically, it makes her seem not so bad," he asserted, narrowing his eyes at Terri.

Terri looked meaningfully at Charlie and made a dramatic point of twirling her finger in the 'crazy' signal next to her head. "Is that bullet bothering you?" she asked Alastor, pointing at the X on his forehead as if that were the clear culprit behind his 'paranoia.' "I may be able to remove it."

Al spontaneously erected the 'personal space' bubble he sometimes used around Angel. "You fiddled with my brain quite enough when I was a child. No, thank you."

"You can't possibly enjoy being so embarrassing to everyone around you," Terri teased, with a caustic edge.

"Madam, I'm beginning to think you don't know me at all," Alastor shot back with a wink, seemingly unaffected.

Terri tossed up her hands. "He won't let anyone help him!" At Charlie: "Is there paperwork I should be filling out, that isn't drafted by him?"

"Oh, yes. Vaggie can help you." Vagatha screamed internally as her girlfriend mouthed, 'Would you?' and pointed at Alastor, indicating she wanted to speak with him alone.

Vaggie resigned herself to this fate. "Sure thing. Come with me, ma'am."

As the two women departed, Alastor locked eyes with Charlie. "You're really going to let Vagatha check her in?"

"Don't get upset. I wanted to talk to you alone. Plus that food was amazing. I kind of want more of it. Hehehehe."

Alastor looked uncharacteristically unamused and glared over Charlie's shoulder at the others. They each piled on one more helping (they were going to make sure they at least enjoyed the food, after suffering through that family drama) and then silently departed with their plates and scattered to different parts of the building.

"Yes, before you ask, that is my-" Al looked like he wished a bolt of lightning would strike him and end his suffering before he spat out, "-mother. I understand if you're surprised."

"Oh… I assure you, we all believe it," Charlie joked well-meaningly through a snicker. Alastor's sharp-tongued sarcastic humor and overwhelming flamboyance had gone unmatched until now. The resemblance was undeniable.

For once Alastor looked genuinely taken-aback. "What is that supposed to mean?!"

Charlie waited for the stone face to crack and the 'Haha, you believed me! You know I'm not that sensitive!' to make its appearance as usual…but it didn't. "Oh, um… I was just…" She coughed. "Nothing, it means nothing."

"She's not my birth mother," Alastor took care to emphasize. "But she raised me from the time I was...seven? Or so? You can't avoid picking up certain mannerisms, I suppose," he acknowledged, in response to the princess's insinuation.

As far as Charlie could tell from her limited observations alone, the well ran much deeper than that, but now was hardly the time to comment. This raised so many other questions. "I'm confused. You've only said such kind things about your mother."

"As you would," Al responded, "if your mother made a habit out of hexing people to sing her praises." Al remained convinced that none of the fond memories or compliments he intermittently paid Terri in conversation came naturally from his own inclination. "Or if she might be listening at any moment."

Those bizarre responses only raised more questions, but Charlie kept the conversation from derailing. "Do you think she's really here to reconcile?"

A low growl emitted from the radio speaker as Al said, "Doubtful."

"But...what else could she want?"

Alastor was unwilling to reveal more information yet. He knew exactly what would happen once the details of the box and the voodoo doll came out- they'd all assume he'd passed the event horizon, that there was nothing she could have done to deserve it, and they'd be on the witch's side in no time- so he wanted time to prepare. He decided it was best to play along, even though it sickened him to say, "I suppose it's possible."

"Was it really an...abduction?" Charlie asked with concern. To be clear, the princess was such an empathetic soul that she was willing to work with anyone, no matter how deplorable their history. But she wanted to know how despicable of an individual she was dealing with, so she could mentally prepare.

"...I went willingly," Alastor admitted begrudgingly before clarifying, "but only because I was deceived. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life. I am not proud."

"...I really hope you two can work it out, Al." Charlie was highly sympathetic, given her own distant-bordering-on-estranged family relationships. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" she offered.

"I do not. I'll just stay out of her way."

[X]

In the intake office, Terri nodded at Vaggie and broke the silence. "Thank you. For letting me out."

The hairs on Vaggie's neck prickled with anxiety. There were two of them now, she thought woefully, as she remembered the con artist and his increasingly suspicious aunt's shenanigans, deeply regretting her life choices. Sweet seventh ring, what would she do with two of them? But she held fast to the belief that releasing Terri was the right thing to do- no one could have deserved that. "You're welcome."

Terri chuckled. "I see my son has made another enemy. He never could play nice with other children."

"I didn't do this to sabotage him, specifically," Vaggie made sure to clarify. "I did it out of concern for you."

"And thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. But it's fine to say you don't trust him in general. You shouldn't." Terri clicked her heel rhythmically on the floor. "Why does he claim to be here?"

"Sorry?"

"Oh, please. My son would never co-found a rehab facility. In fact, I'll bet you he's out there right now telling your girlfriend that I'm his evidence for knowing people can't change." She snorted. "He appeared after it got started, didn't he? After someone else had made the down payments? Why does he claim to be interested?"

Vaggie decided this wasn't unsafe information to share with a stranger, since Al was pretty loud and proud about it. "He said he wants to 'watch the scum of the earth repeatedly trip and fall into the fiery pit of failure?'"

"Mmmn. Oh my. That's some projection!" Terri cackled.

"It is definitely complete bullshit, one way or another, but I can't tell yet what his real plan is."

"I can assure you his intentions aren't as pure as wanting to perform charity work or as reductive as wanting a good sustainable source of entertainment...although I couldn't fault him for that if it were true... I sincerely believe, darling, that this may be as simple as him wanting to slither his weasley little way into your girl's business. Even if it's totally outside of his conscious awareness." Terri whisper-hissed, "He's not very self-aware."

"Wait. You mean get involved with the business for its own sake? Why, though?"

"Even if he doubts it, he wants to see if your business succeeds. Because if it does, it will be-" Terri whistled. "-a huge accomplishment. Very impressive. Will lead to instant fame and adoration for the originators. In this case, including himself."

Confused, Vaggie attempted to play devil's advocate. "Heeee already seems pretty successful."

Terri corrected her, "Not exactly. See, he's never had anything of his own. Not even now...he has power only because of his association with me. Why do you think he hates that pinstriped moth-zapper so much? For no reason other than that he's successful. Simple as that." Vaggie was overwhelmed enough by the course the day had taken that she failed to wonder how Terri knew this information. "And when he tries to develop something of his own, it always seems to fail. I feel for him there, I really do. But if he ever does want anything of his own, he can't continue this pattern of trying to seize upon other peoples' success! He's done it before, you know."

"How so?"

"I developed a locally beloved brand of moonshine once. I started the venture because I knew he was bored and wanted something to help out with. Of course, he acted like the whole thing was his own idea. And then he tried to make nice with that woman from the bootlegger family who ran some of the speakeasies."

"Wait. Do you mean Mimzy?"

"Miriam? Mmn hmmn. Yes, we sold to them. And in the process of that, he started courting her in a cringe-ily transparent attempt to inherit her family business, and everything that came with it. It was a family with a lot of influence. He's really much more of a tactless heathen than he makes himself out to be." She shot a meaningful side glance at Vaggie. "I have to say, I'm seeing a lot of big red flags here, dear," Terri added, referring to the Magne family.

Vaggie snorted uncomfortably. "You don't seriously believe-" She paused, recalling Alastor's arrival, and began to look genuinely concerned. "Oh, crap, that tracks." Partly to reassure herself, she tried to play devil's advocate again. "Well, even if it were true, no one has any reason to be concerned because that would never get off the ground. Anyway, don't you think he has plenty of viable opportunities elsewhere to pull this scheme?"

"Not with the royal family."

Vaggie was mildly offended, not just on her own behalf but on Charlie's. "And what makes you think we'd fall for this, especially if you claim he's a blundering dunce?"

Terri wagged a finger. "Oh, I'm just joking at his expense, but I don't underestimate him and neither should you. Notice how he prances about flailing like a Muppet and enunciating everything as if he's forgotten he's no longer a faceless broadcaster? As if she hasn't noticed that people have stopped performing in large amphitheaters and over-acting isn't necessary anymore? He wants you to think he's corny and a bad actor. He wants you to think he's a bad actor because in fact he's a good actor. An exceptionally refined actor. One of the best I've ever seen." She sounded almost admiring of him. "I raised him to be sly, and I suppose I got what I had coming to me."

"I appreciate your concern," Vaggie said, although some things about Terri's tale seemed as if they didn't hold up. Why would Alastor have been bored, if he was already involved in radio at that time? Why would he be interacting with Mimzy to this day, if he had only viewed her as a means to an end? Even so, Terri's accusations about Al's intentions with her girlfriend and the Happy Hotel seemed viable. Could the woman's hypothesis be accurate, even if the examples she had offered to support it turned out to be false? "Thanks for the info."

"My pleasure."

Vaggie found herself profoundly uncomfortable with Terri's button eyes. They made the woman even less expressive and harder to read than her infamously inscrutable son. But gut feelings weren't always right, she reminded herself. All the facts thus far pointed to Terri being the victim here. Or...well...the woman had seemed to indicate that she did something worth making amends over at brunch. But surely Alastor had overreacted in casting that binding spell? Vaggie knew who she was dealing with…right?

[X]

After brunch, things settled down on the surface but remained tense and unusual all day. Vaggie wasn't very interactive- she seemed uneasy about something and showed no desire to talk about it. Charlie gave her some space. Nifty seemed more preoccupied with killing the rodents than usual. By late afternoon, Charlie found Alastor and Terri sitting on opposite ends of the living room, the same way they had sat at the dining room table, one silently knitting, the other reading, pretending to ignore each other but seeming as though they were subtly warring over the space. When Terri offered to make dinner, Alastor's deer ear ticked. When Charlie first refused, but, after repeated needling, graciously accepted, it ticked again.

Alastor had put up with Terri's bullshit for years. Particularly since she didn't seem to be hurtling toward wrathful vengeance or a political coup in the immediate future, he hoped he could last a while before cracking. But he found it almost impossible to tolerate watching her sit across the room pretending to be an eccentric but kindly old diva who just wanted to cavort in flamboyant costumes, chat pleasantly, and knit, when he knew she was a dangerous, conscience-less anarchist who was actively plotting. (Insert ironic laugh track here.) It especially burned Alastor when he caught her looking at him with those unreadable eyes.

As a few days passed, Charlie, for her part, was frustrated that Terri seemed very transparently to be using her hotel as a free place to live while refusing to engage in therapy at all. However, she saw something very different when she noticed Terri watching Alastor. Charlie suspected that in her mind's eye, Terri still saw a hyperactive little boy running around. She observed that the woman's smile would warm up just the faintest bit in response to Alastor's laugh.

Terri, meanwhile, tried to get to know the troupe and sniff out what they wanted, and what the best things to offer them might be to secure alliance.

"So how long has he kept you trapped?" Terri asked Husker as he served her a drink of her own moonshine. She noted, with amusement, that he had no way of knowing she was the originator of this substance, and he probably thought he was about to sabotage her. Phhht. She was about as difficult to intoxicate as Captain America. When Husk glowered at her, Terri smiled and continued, "No need to be secretive. I know how he works. You can't leave, can you?"

"If you're trying something, know I've been told you wouldn't be any more pleasant to work with."

Terri snickered. Her question was answered- that was all she cared about. "I'll let it be, Fluffy."

Husker seethed quietly as Terri proceeded to talk his ear off about lofty nonsense. She ranted about the proper way to practice anarchy (always make sure the other people believe the rules are important- they'll waste so much time trying to use them to contain you!); opined about genetics; laughed as she calculated the statistical improbability of murder hornets migrating from Japan to North America (almost nonexistent- wasn't that hilarious?!); told him how years had been added to her life, such was her glee when she realized the humans were all trapped in their houses and complaining of the psychological damage of only a few months of isolation; and finally entered a strangely agitated bout of complaining about baryon asymmetry. "Lady, I hate to tell you this, but no one cares about any of that."

"Aren't you a bartender? You must be used to this. Do your job." She smirked wickedly. "I can talk as much as I want. You can't leave." In response to Husker's furious silence, she asked, "Motivated to hear what I have to say now, Fluffy?"

"Not yet," said Husker, after a gulp of whiskey, as he struggled to competitively match her. It perturbed him that she was now almost three shots into neat moonshine and was still coherent. For Satan's sake, not long ago she had been doing math in her head! "I've been through some ranting in my time. Although usually I can sort of understand it."

"Well, excuse me. Normally when there's another person around I can't discuss anything beyond the level of the average 12-year-old, at best. Let me have my fun."

Aha! Even though she was putting away that moonshine like it was a wine cooler, Terri was finally starting to get tipsy and slip up. Hmmn, Husker thought. Maybe she really was a serial kidnapper. He would have to take Alastor's claim a bit more seriously.

"Off to cause mischief?" Terri called to Angel Dust on a separate occasion, knitting in front of the fireplace as he left for work in the evening.

Angel clicked his tongue and finger-gunned. "You got it."

"Did you always work in this business? Or did you used to handle different kinds of guns?" Terri asked curiously.

Angel froze, chuckled uneasily, and squinted. "Why are you asking?"

"Good at reading body language," she answered with an innocent smile. "Why not go back to that? You liked it better, didn't you?"

"...Financial reasons."

"As long as you're satisfied," Terri said, seeming to vaguely insinuate that there might be something she could do about it if he wasn't. And he very clearly wasn't. This one showed a body language with which she was familiar- the language of having once been powerful but currently treated like a peon. This one she could understand and would continue to watch closely. She couldn't deny, it helped that he also reminded her of a child she had liked. "Have a good night at work, dear. Stay safe."

On yet another occasion, Terri observed with interest as Nifty tried to get another tenant named Baxter to acknowledge her, to no avail. "Don't be down, sweetie," Terri told her. "There's no reason for anyone to reject you. You just need help finding the right person. Luckily, I'm a seasoned matchmaker."

Nifty knew she should be hesitant around this woman, but she ached for companionship. "Yeah?"

Terri smiled sweetly. "I'd love to help."

This was finally enough to draw Alastor in. Hmmn. So her radar still worked after all- he did care about this one. "What are you up to with my employee, Terese?" he asked once Nifty had departed.

Terri disregarded him entirely and launched into a new conversation. "So. I have to hand it to you, that radio show of yours got a lot more interesting as time went on. I actually started listening regularly." She had always listened regularly, but it was in her nature to pretend otherwise. She was proud, liked to make others constantly work for her approval, even if she secretly loved them to pieces already. Alastor scoffed, but she went on. "Got hungry, did you?"

"What's that?"

"You started advertising your own murders. Now, I know you may be as pompous as they come, but proud as you are of yourself, you have more common sense than that. You would only have done that for recognition because you needed to, not just because you wanted to. Regret taking from me now?"

"Would have been a nice thing to warn me about," Alastor noted irately of the toxic side effect of the supernatural abilities he had inherited. He had not understood quite how literally she had needed fear or respect to sustain herself until it was too late.

"At least now you see my side. Not so fun, is it? Being hungry all the time? I guess you thought it should have magically become easy for me because of the 'power of love'? Or because mothers are perfect?"

"I can control it around people I think don't deserve to be hurt."

"Hmmn…. Now that sounds like a line that could shift arbitrarily at any moment. I like how you did that. In any case...you're only dealing with a fraction. Plus-" She smirked. "-I see Mr. Ethically Superior found a long-term candidate of his own to leech off of."

"I don't know what you're referring to."

Terri pointed across the room at Nifty. "That. She adores you."

"I think that's an exaggeration. We are friendly."

"That is the most precious, devoted kid sister figure I've ever seen. You've done well."

"That is my employee."

"Is that what you're calling them? The same person who disparaged me for having the puppet servants- even though most of them had the brains of insects and didn't give two shits- is now going around enslaving conscious people?"

"They are not slaves."

"So they can find employment elsewhere whenever they want to?"

"...They are indentured servants."

Terri broke composure and gasped with laughter.

"At least they understood what they were agreeing to! They got it all in writing," Al argued, "which I understand you rarely do."

"And I'm sure it was all spelled out clear as day. No manipulative language. Nothing too broad. No fine print? Youuu think you're so much better than me, but you're no less slippery. You just use a piece of paper as a prop to make yourself seem more professional and trustworthy. Plus you're boring."

"Boring?"

"Completely inflexible. No artistry to it. No risk. All good games involve risk." Seeing his facial expression remain largely unchanged, she hummed curiously, got right up in his face as he resisted the urge to flinch, moved her pointer finger to his eye and...tapped it. "Aha! Glass!" She quietly applauded. "Very good! But how are you doing this?" she asked, miming his broad, impenetrable grin. "I'd love for you to teach me this trick. I have such difficulty getting their smiles to stay on."

This almost cracked Alastor, but he realized too late that that was part of the point. His thumb had automatically moved slightly downward on the surface of his cane, and although he couldn't tell the specific direction of her gaze because of the button eyes, he felt certain that she had tracked the motion.

Able to see things that others could not, Terri could tell that there were...dials on the cane. Interesting. She decided to run some tests. "You know… I've decided I like her. I think I'd like to take you up on that offer you made at brunch the other day." Alastor's thumb hovered over a dial impatiently. "You can replace her easily, can't you? ...Quite boy crazy, isn't she?"

Prevented from using the dial by her gaze, Alastor hissed through gritted teeth in fury, "Don't you try to turn her into your breeding cow."

"Oooh!" Terri offered more quiet applause. "Another fun toy you have there! ...What would happen if I did ask for her? What would you give to keep her?"

"Oh, no, no, no." She had taught him well. "What do I get in exchange for her?"

"Oh, darling." Terr smiled like a shark. "I think you know we're playing a different game, now." Al could not quickly conjure a witty retort. Terri's nose twitched as she sniffed the delightful scent of intimidation. "What would you give to keep her? I know you want to. You can't hide it."

Al redirected, "What are your intentions for her? And Charlie?"

"Charlie? Please. You don't care about that girl."

"I wouldn't wish you on anyone," Alastor replied, sounding far more sincere than usual.

"Now, that's a very interesting remark, because I think I know exactly what you did to worm your way into this." Terri pointed her elbow at the Magne family portrait. "I'll bet you walked in here, took one look at that thing, and then you 'Other Father'ed the crap out of her to make a political connection. Sounds like I taught you some pretty good life skills. Where's my thank you?"

"We are not alike," Al asserted, trying to contain his outrage.

"So you do care about her? Geez, I guess you weren't joking back when you used to pester me about how you wanted a little sister. Do you go around collecting them nowadays?"

"Can't you take Husk?!" Al hissed in exasperation.

"What would I want with your shitty Bert replacement?" A flash of embarrassment crossed Alastor's face as he was harshly called out. "I can see you've built yourself a little family and you want them to respect you," Terri hypothesized. "Let's test it out. To keep the girl, all I want from you is to admit that you'd be powerless without me." She knew this would inevitably raise questions of how the power was obtained, and so did Alastor.

"I know what you want Charlie for. What use would you have for Nifty?"

Terri's foot tapped slowly. She refused to answer. Alastor remembered what she had noted about him 'finding one to leech off of.' His best guess was this was one of her back-up plans for reclaiming her power. She likely didn't want to take it by force, not only because it would make her look bad but also because it would be more fun to watch him surrender it. If she couldn't coerce him into giving it up some other way, she may try to starve him out so he'd be forced to relinquish the power to get rid of the side effects. Even if he held onto Nifty, Al realized, she could do a lot of damage by maligning him more generally. She was right about the radio program- he had needed recognition due to the way her horrible power had warped him. Just as he needed others' respect or fear now.

Still, Alastor did want to prioritize Nifty's safety, even though he knew it may not benefit him in the long term. She was a good kid… He held out his hand, cringing in shame, wishing he didn't have to subject himself to this. "I do that and you don't target her?"

"Mmn hmmn."

"Even if she shows interest, you'll decline her?"

"Fine."

"This is all you want... for now?"

Terri was amused they were on the same page, but not surprised. "For now." She looked at him smugly but with a strange wistfulness. "You know, I miss our games. You could apologize and maybe-" she began.

"I have no regrets," Al interrupted her severely.

Terri scowled. She couldn't decide which possibility she would like less- that he knew exactly how horrible what he did was and truly didn't care, or that he didn't and she might be tempted into forgiving him if he showed remorse upon learning the facts. She held off providing details for now, deciding that she would investigate later. As much as she hated continuing to make his blasted deals, she knew she'd have to force him to cooperate somehow. Terri shook his hand and waited for the green glow. "She's safe. Now go be a good boy and tell the truth."

[X]

"We need to talk. About...that woman."

As she was ushered into the business office by her colleague, Charlie rolled her eyes. She had been waiting for this. "What's the complaint?"

"You don't sound like you're going into this with a serious attitude."

"Weird criticism coming from you."

"I'm not just raising this out of personal distaste-"

Charlie almost snorted.

"I'm raising it because I'm positive that woman is not here to use a service."

"I doubt anybody really is at first, Al. I'm not as naive as you think. I get that to a certain degree I'm gonna need to sell her on it."

"I mean she's likely to cause trouble. Not simple inconvenience. Real threats. Possibly for the fun of it, but I suspect there's a goal. Or, more likely, a few parallel contingency plans. She's disorganized, but she can make it work to her advantage if it makes it harder to guess what she wants."

The door was wide open. The edge of her mouth twitching, Charlie slowly removed from her jacket pocket and raised her '#projection' therapy flashcard. Al was not amused. "Al, I've got to say, I'm not seeing a big cause for concern. You're describing literally anyone else down here. What makes her unique?"

Al found himself grinding his teeth. "This is not the same."

"You sure? Because I'm seeing a lot of parallels here. Truthfully, I think," Charlie sing-songed, "that you two don't get along because you're too much alike!" Charlie's amusement was able to persist only because of how skilled Alastor was at maintaining a poker face, and how little information he had been willing to reveal during their earlier conversation.

"We're not comparable."

"How's that?"

"She's worse than a dealmaker." This caught Charlie's attention. Her facial expression contained some legitimate interest now. Alastor continued. "There are dealmakers, like me. We make propositions, often with fine print. It may be misleading, but in the end the choice to accept is left to the other person. If they're impulsive or overly trusting or have bad reasoning skills, that's their own problem. That is not identical to this. This person can occasionally be wrangled into making a deal, but she prefers to play games. She plays games with people who don't know they're playing. She does favors that aren't invited and then coerces the recipient into paying her back."

Charlie still wasn't sure she was sold on this. She could follow the thought process behind why this woman's alleged strategy was a bit worse than garden-variety deal-making. But she saw fewer red flags stemming from Terri's behavior than from Alastor's strikingly out-of-character decision to malign her in such a straightforward way. Unaware of how Terri had attempted the same method with Vaggie, Charlie couldn't help but view the sabotage as one-sided and distasteful. "So...say...acting like you're doing 'charity work,' for example? Making offers of help and very dramatically not forcing a formal deal in order to seem cooperative?"

The tension escalated. "Princess."

"Al, come on. You literally claim peoples' souls."

"Ah ah ah!" Alastor exclaimed with a wag of his finger. "Technically no! I do not literally claim their souls. I claim their servitude. In theory, they could be clever enough to construct other deals to free themselves. In what way is that claiming their soul? Do you see any effect on Nifty or Husk's personality or free will in everyday life?" Charlie offered a skeptical but open-minded frowning nod. "This creature," Alastor continued, with a strong bitterness that could only indicate strong emotions attached to the subject in question, "does, in fact literally claim souls. She disrupts your senses, dilutes your sensibilities, enslaves your emotions. Once she has a secure foothold, she takes as much control of your psychology as possible. And when the basic indignity of that isn't enough for her, she manufactures other ways for you to debase yourself. Some of them have no purpose whatsoever. They're for her own amusement. I people-watch for amusement. Sometimes I throw some fuel on a fire that already exists. She lights the fires herself. She cracks a whip and makes people perform like circus animals. You need to eject her. Now!" Al snapped forcefully, without warning, becoming aware only at the very end of his tirade that he had actually winded himself.

This finally drew Charlie's ire. "You know very well that's against everything I stand for."

"Charlie-"

"That's why you're here, Al. Because I didn't take other peoples' fear as the be-all-end-all. Honestly, this behavior is really unflattering. I'm surprised at you. I know you can be more tasteful."

A few zaps of radio interference shot dizziness through him. Terri's intentions were coming to fruition exactly as planned. Charlie clearly would not be moved until the barest honesty was laid before her. For the first time, Alastor hated her, for just a second. Then he met her eyes, even though it was uncomfortable, to say, "She's here to hurt us, Charlie. There's nothing else she can possibly gain. ...And she can do it, too."

Behind the motionless face and the steady voice, Charlie spotted something in her business partner's eyes that she had not noticed before. "...You're... afraid of her," she ventured carefully. She could see Al forcing his smile harder than usual.

"She'd like to believe that. She's here to try to intimidate me."

"Why?"

"You don't need to know that, but I guarantee nothing but unnecessary conflict will come from having her around."

"Maybe if you tell me I'll understand better."

Al would've actively chosen to be burned with cigarettes rather than say what he was about to say, but now was as good a time as any two kill two birds with one stone- placate Charlie and Terri at the same time. "My power comes from her. ...All of it." Shit, that felt like being gut punched. He gritted his teeth. Wait, wait. "Actually... I rescind that," he said with a small note of victory in his voice. "Some of the voodoo I learned myself." That felt just a little bit better, and it was true.

Charlie squinted. "Al… Be honest… Did she give it to you, or did you take off with it?"

"We made a deal." Oof. As it came out of his mouth, he realized admitting that part somehow made it more embarrassing. But now he had opened the can of worms. "And before you ask me- yes, I did honor my parts. But she dishonored hers. Repeatedly. I think that may be the only reason I ended up with so much power. Every time she dishonored it, I earned more. But even if that hadn't been the case, I did everything she wanted. I always gave her whatever she wanted-" He fake-coughed and tried to keep himself from flying off the tracks. Composed again, he finished, "I did not cheat that woman. I worked for what I have now." There. He had fulfilled Terri's requirement, but everything else he'd said was true.

Charlie was quiet and then finally decided Alastor seemed uncharacteristically sincere. There was less radio effect overlaid on his voice than usual. She would take this seriously. "Do you need me to arbitrate this?" she asked, trying to be helpful. "Do you want me to inform her she's not to talk to you? I can institute that as a rule I can send her away for if she breaks it, just like a restraining order."

If anything, this seemed to make Al much, much more aggravated. "That would be exactly what she wanted. She wants to make me look weak."

"You're not weak if you have a valid reason to be afr-" Faint shadowy tentacles began to make their appearance on the wall facing Al's back before she could finish the offending word. "Okay. Look." The princess was growing increasingly more frustrated than usual. Did he want her help or not?! He needed to make up his mind! "I'm not ejecting anyone from the premises without a clear reason. You're too stubborn to let me arbitrate. That's where we're at. You either need to be clearer about why you're concerned, or you need to give it up, keep your distance, and let me know if she actively harasses you." After a long pause, she asked, "What did you do?"

"Excuse me?"

"You won't tell me what the conflict is between you two, so I have to ask if you have a role you don't want to admit to. What did you do to provoke her?" In Charlie's defense, she wasn't trying to take sides. She just wanted the big picture, so she could try to be fair to everyone involved, but the questions sounded more accusatory than she intended.

Al's teeth were gritted in one of the stiffest smiles she'd seen that wasn't plastered to his face while he was actively in combat. He wasn't even familiar with the term 'victim blaming' and would never have applied it to this situation even if he were, out of sheer determination to avoid labeling himself in such an undignified way. But Charlie's insinuation was pushing most of those emotional buttons. "If anything, Princess, I was very understanding for roughly 20 years. So if you want to give me a hard time for anything...maybe it should be for being naive. I may jab at you all in good fun, but I do have an idea of how you see things. And I know it's not that you're foolish, it's that you're patient and kind. But I have faith that you will learn eventually." Alastor swiveled on his heel and left the office before he could betray any more annoyance. But then, an afterthought. "And Charlie!"

Charlie had already begun to return to the dining room but stopped.

Al turned. They stood apart with a few yards of hallway between them as he delivered two incomprehensible pieces of advice in a completely no-nonsense tone, as though stating factually that the sky in Hell was red. Al raised one finger- "Keep an eye on your girl"- and a second finger- "and for sin's sake, try not to start singing."