Loving is hard
Loving Faye is hard.
She's loud.
Annoying.
Bratty.
Selfish.
And she has that big, beautiful, attitude.
Maybe beautiful wasn't the right word, but how could one explain the urge to kiss and kill someone at the same time?
That was just what her personality was. Big, beautiful and intruding.
She was kind of impressive.
So boldly what she was, yet so boldly afraid to really find herself.
She tested his nerves.
Spike would never tell her how he picked his poker tables, as if beautiful women have ever brought him good luck. Beautiful women only seemed to bring him nothing but heartache and trouble, from his mother to his lovers.
But while he tried to avoid recognizing it, there is more to her than that, which makes it even harder.
He couldn't afford that beaming presence in the place he planned to finish out life.
It made him think twice, whether he liked it or not. To see someone so capable of second chances. It nearly broke his non-existent reality.
It might have been envy even.
Loving Faye is hard because she isn't Julia.
When he realizes it's only hard because he doesn't want her to be, it makes him feel like a jackass to the first woman he ever loved.
To a woman he doesn't think he will ever stop loving.
And how does one love two women at the same time? Did that count as cheating? It wasn't as if he wanted them both in real time.
Loving Faye is hard because she isn't afraid to really see him.
She isn't afraid to call him out on his bullshit.
She isn't afraid of who he's been.
She isn't afraid to be there.
She isn't afraid, a fearless woman where it counts most.
Yes, loving Faye is hard, but it's damn worth it.