A/N: Thanks to the amazing The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading! Any remaining mistakes are my own.

Chapter 6: Betrayal

On the second day after Emmy's injury, she was surprised to see Mabel entering her tent with her noon meal.

"How are you feeling today, Emmy?" Mabel said cheerfully as she sat down beside Emmy's bedroll.

Emmy straightened up quickly, setting her book aside and hastily taking the tray from the other girl.

"Why are you bringing my meal? How's your shoulder?" She glanced at the spot where the other girl had been stabbed just a week ago.

The blonde Rider grinned, and rotated her shoulder for Emmy. "All healed, see? I'd been bored out of my mind just lying in bed, and I hate that I missed the last raid. Miri is finally letting me do light duty, though I'm not to return to training for another three days." She even rolled her eyes a little.

Emmy chuckled. "I know the feeling. But she just wants to make sure you get better, you know?"

Mabel's expression turned a little sheepish. "I know. Everyone's been so kind to me. I've seen the others recover from injury before. I think they're especially kind to me because it's my first injury from the field." She looked down, a hint of redness on her cheeks, "Prince Liam visited every day. That was… surprising."

"You only got hurt because you saved his life," Emmy said as she stirred her soup a little, "Of course he's concerned."

"I guess it makes sense. I just didn't expect… I mean, he's a prince!"

Emmy grinned at the flustered girl, "Surely you've seen how he's been interacting with the others on the road. He doesn't have any airs. And my lady teases him all the time."

Mabel shook her head. Then she met Emmy's eyes with a thoughtful look. "You're friends with his sister, Princess Vania, right?"

Emmy nodded, a little puzzled.

Mabel smiled. "I suppose you don't see it. He's not arrogant or stern, but to a commoner like me, there is this…" she shook her head, "I don't know how to describe it, but I just never thought I'd be talking to someone like him, I guess. The queen dropped by during our training, but she started the Queen's Riders, and Buri said she helps out with almost every batch of trainees, so it made sense. But I didn't expect to meet more royalty in the field."

Emmy paused, and lowered her spoon. The thing was, she had known exactly how it felt. Before that fateful first day of page training, she had never thought that she would be friends with princes and princesses, either. She had thought that she could just keep her head down and train to be a knight, and perhaps one day serve these royals in battle. Her life had changed so much that it felt like a lifetime had passed since she had had those feelings.

"I know it doesn't seem like it," she said, trying for a reassuring smile, "but I understand that feeling. We're lucky. Everyone from the royal family is very kind, and they work hard. I'm sure you'll meet more of them sooner or later. I can introduce you to Vania when we get a chance."

Mabel smiled back tentatively, the lingering shyness at odds with her normally confident and frank demeanour. "Thank you. For now, I just want to thank Prince Liam properly for taking care of me. Do you know what kind of food he likes? Maybe I'll try to make some, or buy some the next time we stop by a town."

Emmy blinked, noting Mabel's eagerness and the flush on her cheeks with a twist of unease in her gut. Could she be falling for Liam? Mabel would have no way of knowing that Liam was courting Fianola, that much was certain. Emmy didn't want to give her false hope. But how could Emmy ask her about something like this? And what if she was reading too much into it?

"I… I don't know," she finally said, looking around her tent and feeling her own cheeks warm. "I don't really know him that well."

"Oh." Mabel's face fell a little.

"My lady might know," Emmy said, fumbling for words, "Or — or the girl he's courting."

Mabel gave her a sharp look.

"I know her," Emmy said awkwardly, "I can't tell you her name. But — but if you want, I can write to her and ask."

"Oh." Mabel looked down, blushing fiercely. "I guess — that won't be necessary." She cleared her throat and forced a smile. "Thank you for letting me know. I wasn't really… It's just, he's been so kind, and…" she shook her head, and let out a chuckle. "Thank you for warning me."

"I wasn't—"

"I know I have no chance, with him being so far above my station. I keep telling myself that I just want to thank him, but who knows what my heart would do if I let it run free?" Her smile was rueful. "My —" A flash of pain crossed her eyes, and she cleared her throat, "My mama always said that I follow my heart too much, and it'll get me in trouble one day. I'm glad you told me this."

She scrambled to her feet, "Enjoy your meal, Emmy. I'll be back for the dishes later."

Emmy watched her flee, and sighed. Matters of the heart could be such a question of luck sometimes. Fianola was one of her best friends, and Emmy was glad that she was happy with Liam. But Mabel was good and kind as well, and Emmy wished that she could be happy too. Would she have preferred a different outcome if Mabel had been her friend first?

It was an odd question to ponder, and she shook her head to clear it. She could only be grateful that Vania had joined page training at the time she did. Who knew how things could have panned out if they hadn't met during that first day in the palace?

That thought made her feel unsteady, and she tackled her soup again with renewed gusto. She would reread Vania's latest letters after this, she decided, and maybe write a new one to her as well.

She laughed, running after the boy in the hills. It was a familiar sight, but there was something new about the slender fifteen-year-old boy that she had known her whole life. He was in the middle of a growth spurt, and he was all elbows and knees and bewilderment at how his body was changing. She was very much aware of how his body was changing every day. She savoured every change, sometimes more aware of them than how her own body was changing.

He stumbled, and she took the chance to tackle him, sending them both onto the fields and laughing. They rolled a few times before they came to a stop with him pressed beneath her, and they held each other close.

They were in no hurry to get up. She stared into his blue eyes, noting just how mesmerising they were. Her gaze traced the rest of his face, noting the beauty that she had not seen anywhere else. All her life, he was the most beautiful person she knew. There was a whole world outside of their village, she knew. But she doubted that she would find anyone more beautiful even in that wider world.

His intense gaze was familiar, but tinged with a desire that was new, and which had been growing for weeks. She felt his warm hands on her back, holding her with such care, like she was one of the rabbits that they sometimes find near the woods.

His mouth moved, but she couldn't decipher the words. In the next moment, they both surged forward, and their lips met in a searing kiss. It was the first time she had ever kissed anyone. She closed her eyes, losing herself to the sensation.

Emmy sat up with a gasp.

Her left arm sent a stabbing pain at the weight put on it, and she whimpered before she could help it. She shifted her weight to her good arm immediately, and waited to let the pain pass.

She knew she should be lighting her lantern, and look for her dream journal to jot down the latest dream, but she couldn't bring herself to move. She didn't think she would be forgetting what she had finally realised anytime soon.

Silversmith had loved the boy with the blue eyes.

He had loved him not just as a friend, or as a brother. He had loved him for a long time, ever since they were boys.

She covered her mouth, feeling bile rise in her throat. Her body trembled, and she felt at odds with herself. It was disconcerting to remember being in a different body, and kissing a boy.

What did it mean? Was Silversmith a bardash? And if the boy he had loved was really the elusive 'heir' to the throne like Master Salmalín had suggested, was he one too?

Why? Why must he have something in common with her? And why must that be the one thing that was so… personal and intimate?

She felt the bile rise again, and hurriedly pushed off her bedroll. She had barely made it to a bush a few feet away from her tent before she threw up.

After emptying her stomach of what felt like both lunch and dinner, she pushed herself up, shaking and swaying on her feet.

"What's wrong?" Alanna was suddenly beside her, and she gripped her good arm to steady her. Her brows furrowed in worry, and her hand lighted up with her purple Gift as she brought it in front of her forehead. "You're pale and sweaty and shivering. Are you in pain?"

Belatedly, she shook her head, and raised her hand to stop Alanna from running her Gift through the rest of her. "I had another dream."

Alanna's eyes widened in understanding. She steered her back into her tent, and helped her settle into her bedroll again before sitting down next to it. She grabbed the waterskin nearby and handed it to her. "Drink."

As Emmy took big gulps of water, Alanna flicked her fingers, casting a thin layer of purple across the entire tent. It was a spell to prevent eavesdroppers, one that Emmy had become familiar with.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alanna asked, "this one seems to have affected you more than usual."

Her heart was still beating wildly, and she took a few deep breaths in a bid to calm it down. How was she supposed to tell Alanna about this?

Silently, Alanna handed her a handkerchief. Emmy took it with shaky hands, and wiped the cold sweat off her face. In the same breath, she remembered — what couldn't she tell Alanna? Had she not proven to be the kindest knight mistress, who had seen Emmy at her weakest and silliest, and still had not abandoned her?

"I learned something new," she snuck a glance at Alanna, who nodded in encouragement. She swallowed, "I think… I think he loved him. Silversmith loved the blue-eyed boy. Not just as a friend, or a brother. In my dream, I—he kissed him, like—like a lover would, and I…"

There was a moment of shocked silence. Emmy clenched her fists, feeling her cheeks burn in embarrassment.

Alanna froze for a moment, and then she cursed. "Emmy, I…" she gripped Emmy's shoulder and squeezed a little, "I'm sorry that you have to go through this."

She shook her head. "I'm not upset about that. I'm just upset because… because he's like me. He's a bardash. To have someone like him, a traitor and —" she trailed off, realising that it was another thing she had in common with the rebel mage who had tried to kill Alanna and many other people she cared about. She had treason in her family, too.

"Don't be silly, you're nothing like him," Alanna said firmly.

"Look at me," she waited until Emmy did, "you are nothing like him. He was cruel, he was manipulative, and he didn't care about destroying many lives to get what he wanted. You are kind, and good, and you have an infuriating tendency to get yourself in trouble when you're trying to help someone else. You are nothing like him."

She wiped her eyes quickly. "But he's a bardash…"

"So? What does that have to do with anything?" Alanna challenged, "Most of the bandits and traitors we caught are people who love the opposite sex. Do you see me getting upset that they might say something about me?"

She blinked, and chuckled in surprise. "I know. You're right. But… it's just, there are so few of us. People are just only starting to talk about us, and I'm just starting to feel hopeful that one day people will accept people like me." She looked down, "I worry that if this gets out, they will use it against us."

Alanna was quiet for a few moments. "I see. It's like with lady knights, and what it was like for Kel. When I was training to be a knight, people knew me as a boy. Then I had magic, and the hand of the Goddess on me, so I didn't count. It was different for Kel. If she had failed, people might have written off lady knights entirely."

Emmy nodded. "That's it. That's how I feel about being a honeylove. That's why I'm afraid that Silversmith being a bardash would hurt people like me who are just trying to live a normal life. I wish he wasn't one."

"Well, no one has to know," Alanna said.

She bit her lip. "What if it's important? What if it has something to do with the spell? Master Salmalín said that the trigger is personal. What if the boy, or the 'heir', or whoever he is, what if he is the key to the spell?"

Alanna scowled. "Then we will deal with it when the time comes. Right now, only a handful of people know about this. However this rebellion ends, this doesn't have to be in your reports after that. I'm sure I can make Jon agree to something sensible."

Emmy knew she would. She managed a tight smile. "Thank you."

"There is something else I could do," Alanna suddenly said, her face grim.

She frowned. "What is it?"

"There is a potion, the Potion of Dreamless Sleep. One drop of it will put you into a sleep so deep that no one would be able to wake you up in the middle of the night without the Gift. But there is a cost — if you take it for a long time, you'd find it harder and harder to fall asleep without it, until one day you just can't."

She shook her head, understanding immediately why her knight mistress had not suggested it before. "I can't be sleeping like that, how would it work when we're on the road? When we have to fend off attacks in the middle of the night? And I don't want to… I don't want to need it, later."

"I don't want that for you either. But Emmy," she looked down, her fists clenched, "I hadn't realised how personal those dreams can be. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you. The potion would impair your ability to be a squire and a knight, but if it could give you some peace back, I will allow it."

She was already shaking her head in alarm. "No, I don't want it. I've wanted to be a knight for a long time, and I'm getting closer every day. It's been my greatest honour to squire for you. I want to fulfil my duties to you. I want to be good at this."

Alanna looked up at her. "What about the dreams? What if you keep getting glimpses into Silversmith's memories that are too personal?"

She looked down at her lap. "I'll learn to deal with it. Tonight's just the first time I realised what their relationship was. I was shocked. I'll handle it better from now on."

Alanna was silent for a moment before she sighed. "Tell me if you have a bad night. Whether you need a break, or a tougher drill to take your mind off it, I'll give it to you. Just be sure to tell me, understood?"

"You don't have to—"

"I do," Alanna said firmly, "it's the least I can do. The only reason why you're having these dreams is because you risked your life to save us back at Genlith. This is a price that none of us had expected or wanted you to pay, and I hate that there is nothing I can do to fix it. So believe me when I say giving you what you need after a bad night is the least I can do for you."

Emmy nodded, shying away from Alanna's intense gaze.

"And you are nothing like him," Alanna repeated, "I'll keep telling you that until you believe it."

She chuckled softly, her heart warming at how fiercely Alanna was insisting on this point. She felt her heart slowly settling for the first time since she had woken up from the dream.

"Thank you," she muttered, because she couldn't think of anything else to say.

Alanna patted her knees. "Now try to get some sleep."

The day the ambassador and the servants left, handed off to a few squads of Tyra's army at the border, Kel gave Third Company the night off. The cooks went all out with special treats, and there were bonfires and singing and dancing. Everyone seemed to want to forget the past few weeks altogether.

Vania enjoyed herself thoroughly, singing alongside Lerant and Patrine around the bonfires. Patrine had not spoken a word to her about what happened, though she seemed both happy and relieved that Vania's plan had worked, and she hadn't needed to do anything. Vania was happy that it had worked out that way.

She was also happy for a different reason. A letter from Emmy had arrived from Corus the day before, and she had shared the great news that she had had one more year taken off her ten-year-sentence due to her role in securing a treaty with the spidrens. It meant that Emmy would need to serve the Crown for only four years without pay or any say in her assignments. Four years felt so much more bearable! Emmy hadn't even risked her life for this additional year off, and Vania made sure to mention that in her giddy reply back.

As the night died down, Vania found herself sitting dazedly by the fire. Her throat was mildly sore from singing, her stomach was still full from dinner. She was tired, but in a pleasant way — much like the rest of the company, she hadn't felt so relaxed in a while.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Kel suddenly appeared in front of her. She had been making the rounds all night, making sure that everyone was enjoying themselves even when it was supposed to be her night off too.

Vania grinned. "Yes! This was a great idea, Kel. I think we all needed it."

Kel nodded, cocking her head to one side. "Walk with me?"

Vania scrambled to her feet, and followed her knight mistress towards the clearing next to the campsite. It was a night of clear skies, and the moonlight was enough to light their way.

Kel stopped in the middle of nowhere in the open, far enough from the camp that they had privacy. She looked up at the moon lit sky.

Vania waited.

"Did you want to talk about something?" She asked after a few moments of silence.

"Do you?" Kel said, not turning to look at her.

Vania frowned a little in confusion.

Kel waited for a moment before she began, "Funny thing, the messenger I sent to get Adith help came back two days ago. He said, by the time he got a healer to the camp you set up for her, she was gone."

Suddenly, she was wide awake.

"There were signs of scuffle in the dirt. Everything was gone, including the tent."

"What? What happened?" She had known this conversation was coming, even though it had come later than she had expected. This was the final part of the story. She just needed to wait for the right questions to supply the answers she had prepared, and they could all put this behind them.

"The tracks were destroyed barely a few feet away from the tent, and he couldn't figure out where Adith had disappeared to. From the signs of scuffle, he thinks it might be bandits," Kel looked back at the sky again, her face Yamani blank. "I spent the last two nights trying to figure out how to break it to you that the woman you worked so hard to save had most likely fallen prey to bandits. You set up wards to protect her from wild animals, I thought you might blame yourself that you didn't account for bandits. I remember that you knew her, back when you used to visit Cateline in the palace."

Vania's heart skipped a beat. She did not know that Kel knew that. She must have mentioned Adith's name at some point when she was talking about Cateline. Kel had remembered that detail.

"But the more I thought about it, the more I realised how strange it was. If Adith had been obviously sick with red spots all over her, why would any bandits take her? And if they didn't, where did she go? How could she move and carry everything when she was that sick?"

By now, Vania could feel her heart beating in her ears. She could feel dread twisting her gut.

Kel stayed silent for a few more moments, still not looking at her.

"Second funny thing," Kel finally said, looking dead ahead at the empty clearing, "Neal had a few drinks earlier. He talks even more when he's had a few, believe or not. So I asked him, hypothetically speaking, are there any herbs in our store that could cause red spots on a person's skin, and induce vomiting?"

Kel turned to her, her eyes searching. "What do you think he said?"

Her heart sank.

She closed her eyes, and hung her head. "I'm sorry, Kel," she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Kel's voice was calm, but cold.

"I—" She met Kel's eyes, and flinched at the anger that she saw in them. She looked back at the ground. "I set it all up. I faked Adith's illness so she could be set free."

"Why?"

She sniffed. What could she say? All the righteousness she had felt when trying to convince Patrine was strangely muted when Kel was right in front of her. It was only a few nights ago when Kel had told her to focus on the big picture. She wasn't sure she knew what the big picture was anymore.

"You've caused a delay for the company, a loss of a sizeable chunk of our clothes storage, days of lost time for a messenger, and coin. The least you can do is to give me the courtesy of an explanation, squire."

She stiffened. She balled her fists, and took a deep breath. "Cateline begged me to do it. She… she loves Adith, and said she didn't want to live a life without her. She had been following the company since Corus, and she would have tried to do something on her own if I hadn't agreed to help. I realise that this would have risked damaging the ties between us and Tyra, but from Eudes' attitude, I didn't think he would mind too much if we lost a servant or two." She swallowed, "I weighed the risks, and decided that I could set two lives free without damaging the ties between the two kingdoms. So I did it."

"You weighed the risks," Kel repeated, slowly.

Abruptly, Kel turned to one side, clenching her fists.

Vania squeezed her eyes shut, ignoring the tears falling down her cheeks. "I know I broke your trust by going behind your back. But I — I didn't want to put you in a difficult position by telling you. I know you're kind, and you care about the servants. But you have your duties as Captain, you have oaths to the Crown and to the Own. If you had refused to help, Cateline would have tried something on her own, and she'd most likely have gotten caught. Whatever would have happened to Cateline then wouldn't be pretty, and it would've weighed on your conscience." Finally, she rubbed her eyes. "I didn't want to put you in that position."

Kel glared at her. Then she looked away for a few moments. Then she turned back. It was as if she couldn't bear to look at her. Vania had never seen Kel so agitated.

"I'm sorry," Vania said again when the silence had stretched too long. "I will accept whatever punishment you see fit."

Kel took a few deep breaths, while Vania held hers.

"How could I punish you when you can't be seen as having done something wrong?" Kel finally said, her voice still cold. When Vania looked up, Kel was turned towards the open clearing with her eyes trained on the dark horizon. "Would you have me chase Eudes down, apologise for being tricked by my own squire, and admit that we lost one servant? Or would you have me explain to the company what you've done, that you've lied to us all, and see morale and trust in the company suffer?"

Every word felt like a cut to Vania's heart. But it was worse when Kel finally met her eyes with nothing but cold disappointment.

"Or have you made that decision for me too, your highness?"

Vania gasped, and staggered back. "Kel, I—"

"Do you think you're above the rules because you're a Conté?"

Vania shook her head hastily. "No, I don't! I just thought — I thought if there were consequences, I could take it better than you —"

"So you do think so." Kel shook her head a little, her voice quiet. "And I suppose you'd be right. Neal always said I'm too much of an idealist."

"Kel, please," Vania reached out to tug Kel's arm, terrified that her relationship with her knight mistress and friend would never be the same, "I know I was wrong to lie to you. Please, let me make it up to you. I'll do anything!"

Kel shook off Vania's hand, and took two steps back. "You said you didn't want to put me in a difficult position. Where do you think we stand now?"

Vania stood frozen. She didn't know what to do, or what to say.

Finally, Kel turned back towards the direction of the camp. "Bug Neal for your training tomorrow. Don't come to me until I summon you."

With that, she left.

It took a few more breaths for Vania before she could move.

When she could, she started sobbing. She turned to face the opposite direction, cupping her mouth with one hand and hugging her middle with the other, knowing that she couldn't be seen crying.

Her whole body convulsed as she sobbed, seeming to finally realise what she had done.