Chapter 6
As they returned from their first hunting trip that afternoon, with both of them carrying their kills over their shoulders and the sun shining down on them through the leafy canopy of the trees, Zoug wondered why he didn't feel as content as he'd expected.
After he and Mog-ur had been done talking, they had returned to Mog-ur's hearth where Ayla was busy helping Iza prepare various herbs she had gathered for medicinal use. Zoug had called her to him.
"Come to our hearth when you are done," he had ordered. "We will be going out to hunt."
Eyes shining, his mate had nodded in obvious pleasure, as he had known she would. He had been just as eager as her, though it wouldn't have been appropriate to let it show.
They had left the cave a while later with their slings at the ready, Ayla at a respectful distance behind her mate. It hadn't taken long before Zoug had made his first kill, a hare, and when they had come to the river around noon, they had disturbed a flock of ducks nesting in the reed. While Zoug had managed to kill one of them, Ayla had brought down two in quick succession with her double-stone technique.
"That was well done. With your technique, we can get more meat for our hearth than if you only knew how to fire one stone like the rest of us," Zoug had praised her, content to see her delighted happy grimace at his words.
They had searched for a while longer, but found no more game, and Ayla had asked for permission to dig for tubers that she knew would go well with the ducks for the evening meal. Zoug had kept watch as she had gathered them as well as some herbs for seasoning, and finally, they had begun to make their way home.
Everything had gone as well as he could possibly have wished for, Zoug thought as he, and behind him Ayla, approached the cave. So why did he feel like something was missing?
As the rest of the Clan became aware of them, Zoug forgot about his vague disappointment. They tried not to stare, but they weren't quite succeeding - everyone was throwing them glances, some more covert, others looking openly before they caught themselves and quickly turned their heads. At least this was exactly as he'd anticipated, Zoug thought with amusement.
Only Broud looked more angry than curious, and Zoug turned away from the man in distaste as he entered the cave and made for his hearth. What was it that had Broud so obsessed with his anger at Ayla - and now, apparently by extension, at him as well? It was childish and unworthy of a man of the Clan, especially one that would be leader one day.
Before mating Ayla, Zoug had secretly hoped he wouldn't see the day anymore that Broud took over. Now, with a mate and a child of his hearth on the way, he hoped he would last longer, but he worried for the future.
.-.-.-.
"Isn't it strange, Ayla?" Ovra asked her a few days later, when the two women, along with Ika, and Oga, were out gathering blueberries on a clearing not far away from the cave. Some paces away, Grod was keeping watch for predators. "To be mated to a man who is so much older than you?"
Ayla shook her head. "I don't think so. In the beginning, didn't want to be mated at all, but now it's not so bad, especially because it's Zoug. He's very kind to me, and I don't care that he's older."
That answer drew surprised gasps from the other women, who stopped their work.
"But how could you not want to be mated?" Ika asked what was on all their minds. "A woman needs a man to protect her. Imagine a dangerous animal were to attack you! I'm glad we have Crug with us to watch out for that."
Ayla shrugged. "I've killed predators with my sling, not just small ones. Once I even got a lynx. I need no mate for that."
"A lynx!" Ika exclaimed. All the women knew about the smaller predators Ayla had killed, as well as the hyena that had tried to steal Brac. But they had assumed that last one had been a strike of luck.
Ayla blushed at the obvious shock of the other women. During all of her hunting talks with Zoug, he'd encouraged her to be much more outspoken about her own experiences than she had been before. She had never spoken so bluntly and casually about it to anyone else, let alone the women.
"I . . . I was out alone, and it attacked me. It was mainly luck that I managed to kill it without getting hurt. After that, I trained myself to fire two shots quickly after one another."
"I can't understand it, but I'm glad that you learnt to hunt and could save Brac. And I'm glad that Zoug doesn't take issue with it," Oga said. "When you two came home with kills the day after your isolation, everyone was looking so surprised. I think we all expected that he would let you hunt, but to go hunting together . . ." She quickly looked to make sure that Crug was not watching them. "I don't believe any of the other men would go hunting with their mate if she were the Woman Who Hunts. Imagine she got a kill and he didn't!"
Broud would surely not risk that blow to his masculinity, Ayla thought, but refrained from mentioning it. She didn't want to hurt Oga.
"Goov might," Ovra voiced her opinion. "Not that I'd ever dream of hunting, but I think he might be proud rather than angry."
"I believe you could be right, Ovra," Ayla said. "He's a very kind man, just like Zoug." She made her happy face, remembering his praise at her hunting success when they had first gone out together, and also the second time, just yesterday. "As I said, I'm glad now that he is my mate. He knows so much about hunting, and he's begun teaching me."
Ovra nodded. "You're his mate, so if you are successful at hunting, it reflects well on him."
"I don't think it will ever make sense to me, but I'm glad for you," Ika said. "I hope you won't be angry if I say this, but most of us feared, well, that you'd have a hard time finding a mate."
"I'm not angry. I know I'm ugly," Ayla motioned. "And I know I'm unusual with my hunting. But I'm glad that Zoug appreciates my skills."
"He really seems to be the right mate for you," Oga agreed.
Yes, Ayla thought, it certainly seemed that way. She only hoped Oga wouldn't be proven wrong.
As they went on gathering, the conversation turned to the other women's mates, their favourite foods and ways how to best please them. Ayla found herself participating, and soon, she was receiving tips from the more experienced women. It was a good feeling to be included in this aspect of their lives. She hadn't expected it to happen, but then, she hadn't expected to be mated, either.
.-.-.-.
Out of the corner of her eye, Ayla spotted movement. Immediately, she halted. Zoug was several paces ahead of her, as always, and to inform him of the rabbits she'd spotted hiding in the high grass of the clearing would have meant to lose time - and possibly her prey as well. Quickly, Ayla took two stones out of her pouch, loaded her sling, swung, and let loose.
The thudding impact of two well-fired shots alerted Zoug, but by the time he'd readied his sling, the remaining rabbits had fled. It wasn't the first time that game had escaped them on a joint hunt, but it was the third time today that Ayla had made a kill - or more - while Zoug hadn't.
There was a steep furrow to his brow as he watched her gather the rabbits, and Ayla couldn't help but remember what Oga had said a little more than a moon phase ago about a man's mate making kills and him being unsuccessful. She hastily made her way to Zoug and knelt before him, putting her kills on the ground next to her.
Usually, Zoug would acknowledge her as soon as she'd lowered herself, but this time, no tap on the shoulder came. With each passing moment, Ayla felt herself tense more. Zoug had looked more than a little irritated. What if he was mad with her? He had seemed to enjoy teaching her, and she hadn't missed his enjoyment of the other men's uncomfortable gazes the first few times they had come home both carrying kills. But maybe this was too much.
Without moving her head, Ayla dared to try and raise her eyes just a little, but when she saw Zoug's large fists clenched tightly by his sides, she hastily lowered them again to the grass in front of her, cowering deeper. A tight feeling spread through her chest. Since they had been mated, Zoug had never been angry with her. Would he cuff her now?
Maybe she should have ignored the rabbits - and the hamsters and ptarmigan before them as well. Maybe she shouldn't make any kills if he didn't have the chance to. A good mate wouldn't have made that mistake, she thought, the lump in her throat growing. Wasn't a woman responsible for pleasing her man? That surely wasn't achieved by upstaging him. How could she not have thought of it? And Zoug had been so good to her!
.-.-.-.
Zoug looked down at his mate kneeling at his feet, trying to keep his temper under control. Three times, she had spotted prey, and each time, she had made at least one kill while he hadn't. It wasn't her fault, he knew, and yet . . .
He clenched and unclenched his fists several times as he fought the urge to harshly reprimand her. Once they would return to the cave, Ayla carrying her kills while he would be empty-handed, the whole Clan would know that she had been successful while he had failed, and not just once.
She was only a woman, yet she had clearly surpassed him at a task reserved for men, and all in the Clan would know it. It was one thing to think or even speak about it while sitting at his fire. But for it to actually happen . . . It just wasn't right. Heat bloomed in his belly and chest, and his fists clenched tighter. This was why women shouldn't hunt in the first place, why hunting was forbidden to them at the threat of death, and rightfully so!
The thought came from deep in his memories, and Zoug gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to will it away. This was not how he thought of his mate, these were thoughts worthy of men like Broud, not him. And Ayla was not just any woman. She had been chosen by the Ancient Spirits, she was the Woman Who Hunts, and if she hunted better than him - well. He'd have to take it like a man, calm and in control of his emotions, instead of throwing a tantrum like an immature boy. He should be proud of her, not angry.
But it was hard to suppress the memories, and he took a while longer, drawing some deep, calming breaths before he felt properly in control again. Finally, he opened his eyes.
His anger diminished abruptly as he took in the sight of his mate before him. Ayla was cowering low on the ground, her shoulders hunched, head almost touching the grass at his feet. Quickly, he tapped her shoulder - and almost winced when she jerked under his touch, her pale face showing guilt and fear as she looked up at him for just a moment before hastily lowering her head again.
"This woman regrets angering the hunter. She should have known better." Her hands were trembling, her words chopped. "This woman was acting selfishly and not caring about her mate's feelings as she should have done. She won't make the same mistake again."
Zoug wasn't sure what to do. There was a part of him - the one that wanted to stick to the memories - that told him to make sure that she wouldn't. He could forbid her to hunt any longer. That way, he would never be humiliated like this again. They wouldn't starve; he was still proficient with the sling, and nobody would begrudge him his share of meat from the hunts that he could rightfully demand for his hearth.
But again, he pushed those thoughts away. He wanted Ayla to hunt, and what he didn't want was this: her cowering in fear before him. The more often it happened, the more he disliked it. Briefly, the image of the brown bear and the cave lioness appeared before his inner eye, and it only confirmed the feeling of wrongness. Whatever the memories said about it, this wasn't how it should be.
"Ayla." He tried to make his voice soft, but didn't quite succeed, and she cringed at the sound of her name. Following a sudden impulse, Zoug lowered himself to the floor until he was sitting in front of her. "Ayla, look at me."
Slowly, she obeyed, her sky-blue eyes looking at him with tense apprehension.
"Now, tell me what you think you did wrong."
"I . . . I hunted without thinking of you. Of your status. I only thought of getting the kills, not how it would make you look if we arrived at the cave with only me having anything to show for."
Zoug felt warmed by her concern for him, and even more of his anger dissipated.
"I can't deny that the thought bothered me," he said. "It still does. But tell me: could you have done anything to make sure I got kills as well?"
Ayla hesitated, but finally shook her head. "No. I . . . by the time you'd have acknowledged me to tell you about the animals I saw, they might have got away. But I should have let them go, shouldn't I? To make sure I wouldn't have kills while you didn't. A good mate would have thought of that."
"I'm not sure." He surprised himself with the admission. "Yes, a good mate thinks of her man's status and doesn't do anything to diminish it in the eyes of others. But a good hunter won't let that kind of opportunity for a kill pass by."
"Does that mean . . . I can't be a good mate and a good hunter at the same time?"
Her hands were no longer shaking, but Zoug could see how important the question was to her - and how badly she wanted to be able to do both: please her mate and yet be able to do what she loved. And how could he not understand that desire?
Resolutely, he shook his head. "No. You can be both. You will be a good mate to me if you are the best hunter you can possibly be. If you see prey and can't alert me to it, make the kill regardless. I ordered you to hunt for my hearth, and that order won't change."
Now that he'd said it, Zoug realised that he meant it. It might not be easy to witness her surpass him, but he'd not give in to his impulsive anger. Instead, he would remind himself who it was that she credited with teaching her.
"I'll be proud of every kill you bring home to the cave, no matter how many I made myself, and no matter what anybody might think of it." He looked at her intently, trying to emphasise the seriousness of his words. "It won't be easy - the memories are strong, and they're telling me that all of this is wrong. And because of them, I might get angry again in the future. But I won't ever punish or reprimand you for becoming a better hunter than me, as I know you will. That, I promise you."
As he spoke, he watched the tension drain out of his mate, and by the end, a weaker version of her happy grimace was lighting up her face, while at the same time her eyes were leaking water. Not sure what exactly it meant or how to handle it, Zoug did the only thing he could think of.
She flinched a little when his hand cupped her cheek, as she had done the previous times, but after some moments, she turned her face into his touch, closing her eyes. Satisfied, Zoug wanted to pull away - then Ayla raised her own hand and copied his gesture. Too stunned to react, he let it happen. Her skin was warm on his cheek, and he didn't resist when she leant in, pulling his head closer to hers, until the bulge of her forehead came to rest against his brow ridges.
They'd never been so close before; their noses were touching, their breath mingling. It was strange and unfamiliar - he'd never done anything like it with Uva - and yet Zoug found himself closing his eyes as well, and for a while, they sat in silence. Every sound around them seemed enhanced somehow - the rustling of the leaves, the far-away gurgling of a small brook, the blackbird beginning to sing in a nearby tree, the sound of their own slow breathing.
Finally, though, Ayla pulled away, and Zoug did the same, sitting up straight again. His mate looked flushed and as confused as he felt, and Zoug decided that it was probably best not to comment on what had happened. Instead, he got up and motioned for her to do the same.
"Take your kills and let's go home. When we return, everyone at the cave will see just how good my student is."
Seeing her hesitation, he motioned for her to speak.
"When we return," Ayla said, "everyone at the cave will see just how good my teacher is."
Gratified, Zoug nodded his agreement. It might not be the Clan way, but his mate was doing him proud. With that thought, he turned and led the way back to the cave.