The mood changes after Jackson and I talk about Jordan. I was so caught up in my grief for years that I never really took in that I didn't apologize for what I'd done. We both made mistakes during that time, and in the months following our divorce too. I'm not proud of some of my behaviour back then, but I'm glad we've gotten to a place where we're able to discuss it and move past it.

"I got another thing to ask you," Jackson says with a mouth full of cheesecake. "How would you feel about living together in Boston?"

Oh no. No, no, no. Living with Jackson would be a bomb waiting to go off. He's much better at compartmentalizing than I am; I know I'm only a friend to him these days, and I'm pretty sure he has a pretty prolific dating life. That's fine and all, but I don't think I could be around to witness it. My feelings about Jackson are still unclear. When I was married to Matthew, I pushed down all thoughts of being anything more than friends. Not only because that's highly inappropriate for a married woman, but because thinking of the good times we had in the past was just too much for me to handle. The more I did that, the surer I was that he was only my best friend and nothing more – until recently. As tensions with Matthew built, and especially after we decided to call it quits, I couldn't help my mind from going there anymore. In the same way I did when I moved out after Harriet was born, I've got to protect myself from heartbreak, because I know that's where living together would lead in the end.

"You mean for a little while we try to find separate housing? Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Was there anywhere you had in mind?" I think my voice takes on too high of a pitch for Jackson to not suspect something is up.

"Errr…no. I want us to live together permanently. Harriet doesn't need to be travelling back and forth between homes if we can help it and judging by the past day, I think she really enjoys having both of us around at the same time." I guess Jackson sees the horrified look on my face, because he quickly adds, "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything April, really. We could get us a nice three-bedroom house, condo, whatever you want. Separate living quarters and everything. I just think it would be best for all of us if we were under one roof."

I sigh deeply because he's right. Harriet absolutely adores having both of us together. And I'd appreciate not having to arrange drop-off schedules while trying to navigate a new job and city. Maybe a trial run would be the best approach.

"Okay, you're right. Logistically it makes sense. How about we put ourselves on a time limit, let's say three months? At the end of the trial period, we re-evaluate if it's working for us and go from there."

"That's fine with me if it's fine with you. What are you so scared of anyway, my snoring?" Jackson is trying to be funny, but this topic is most definitely not amusing to me.

"How about that you'll have meaningless sex with me like we did in Montana and then act like I don't exist afterwards for weeks while I'm stuck in the same house as you?" I say harshly. Oops, I guess the cat's out of the bag now. I may have had too much wine tonight.

Jackson freezes and his eyes almost bulge out of his head. "I…April…is that why you moved out when Harriet was a baby?" I shrug and lower my eyes. I'm so embarrassed by my outburst and can't bear to look him any longer.

Jackson speaks slowly and deliberately. "That's not my intention April, I swear. I really just wanted us to be all together for Harriet's sake. That was a different time – we were different people. The circumstances were weird: I was dealing with seeing my dad, we were on a surgical high off that amazing throat reconstruction. You can't compare what happened then to the present. We're in a better place now and know how to let it not happen again. But if it really makes you uncomfortable, we can totally find separate places."

There it is. He chalks it up to "a surgical high." He doesn't want it to happen again. If nothing more, this conversation has made me extra-sure that Jackson and I are just friends and will always be friends from here on out. The more I can drill that into my head, the easier it'll make things in Boston.

"No, I said I'd be okay living together and I am." My tone is a little clipped, but I've got to start with boundaries somewhere. I think Jackson gets the hint that this conversation is over because he nods and changes the topic.

"So…my hand is healing nicely. I changed out the bandage this afternoon and no sign of infection. I think I got really lucky. My surgical career could've been over," Jackson says in a way that's a little too upbeat. Wasn't he planning on basically ending his surgical career anyway? Not wanting to start another argument, I humour him.

"That's good to hear. Private school boy never learned how to use a knife, huh?" I ask to lighten the mood.

"It was a meat cutter, thank you very much. Not all of us grew up learning how to butcher, farm girl," he retorts. I laugh in response and we keep the light conversation up for a bit. We talk about Harriet's latest antics, and Jackson tells me about some of his old haunts in Boston that he'd like to show us. Like Harriet, I think we've had enough of any moving talk for the evening.

After about half an hour, it's clear we're both getting tired. There's a lull in the conversation when Jackson pipes up with an out-of-the-blue comment.

"And by the way, April, it wasn't meaningless. Montana meant something to me."

A/N: I'm thinking I might hold off until the next episode airs to write anything about Jackson telling people at work, since I want it to be canon-compliant, but not sure on that yet. Also thanks for the positive reviews! This is my first attempt at fanfiction, bc I just couldn't help myself after watching that last episode XD