The First Cut

Halloween at Hogwarts was an overinvolved affair. For Peter, who have always lived in close proximity to muggles, it was a little shocking to see just how much wizards liked to decorate. The Great Hall was filled with pumpkins the size of small houses, floating up and down just over their heads. The enchanted ceiling, which normally mirrored the weather outside, was altered to show ghosts and ghouls bouncing from pumpkin to pumpkin. They jumped out when people passed underneath and Peter, who liked to have his breakfast early in the morning, had been startled into spilling his pumpkin juice all down his front.

He was able to hide the pale orange stain under his pilled sweater vest, but he just knew he smelled vaguely of sweet pumpkin when he sat down for his first lesson of the day.

Frank Longbottom, a tall boy with large ears and an overabundance of freckles, paid Peter very little mind when he sat down, too preoccupied with staring at the back of Alice Sharp's head at the front of the class.

Frank was in love.

It was easy to see, even for Peter who had less than zero experience dealing with those sorts of matters, and Peter could not help but smile as Frank shifted in place to get a better look as Alice leaned over to say something to Lily. Frank sighed wistfully and leaned forward, completely ignoring the pile of textbooks in front of him in favor of watching Alice.

On Peter's other side, Sirius Black sat down, arms folded across his chest, and face miserable.

Peter tried not to read too much into the fact that Sirius had chosen to sit next to him, but his hands began to immediately sweat and it made it exponentially harder to grip his want. Today was the practical part of the Charms lesson from yesterday and Peter had been reading over and over and over about the softening charm for the last day.

It should be his favorite part. He had been looking forward to actually using his magic for years and so far, each and every opportunity he shirked away.

He refused to do so again, so he tuned out the sounds of Frank sighing wistfully at every move Alice made and pulled out his wand.

The motion was simple enough. A quick circle and a sharp point and the piles of books in front of him should turn to sponge. Peter made the circle, eyes narrowed and face turning red from the concentration. He cleared his throat of nervous spit for what felt like the thousandth time before he spoke in as clear a voice as possible.

"Spongify."

He said it as clear as a bell, but the books remained as solid as ever.

Frank sighed again, watching as Alice bounced one of her textbooks on the desk with a large smile on her face. Next to her, Lily did the same and the two girls shared a laugh. Frank, seemingly inspired by their success, turned his own pile of books to sponge. He held it between his hands and flipped it open, turning it to Peter to show him the flimsy pages.

Peter tried again, feeling his frustration mounting as his books stayed stubbornly solid.

"You're moving your arm wrong."

Peter nearly choked on his own tongue at the sound of Sirius speaking to him, unprompted and in full view of every single person in the room. He turned sideways slowly, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible about the whole thing. Sirius' arms were still crossed, but he did glance down at Peter. His jaw muscles clenched as he flipped his head back to move some of his thick black hair out of his eye. It seemed to Peter that he had just managed to get the rest of the gel out of his hair after showering each night for over an hour and it now fuzzed around him like a bunch of baby chicken feathers glued to his head.

He compulsively smoothed down the hair on the side of his head closest to Sirius and lifted his want hand, gripping it just a little bit harder than before.

Peter practiced the motions twice more, conscious of Sirius watching him. He tried not to act like a total goon when Sirius let out a long-suffering sign and fully turn in his seat.

He buried an involuntary squeak of surprise when Sirius grabbed his wrist and moved his arm for him.

"Like this."

The motion did feel more correct, although he refused to admit it out loud, and when he managed to do it for him, Sirius crossed his arms over his chest again and went back to his brooding.

"She's wonderful," Frank whispered, enthused and in awe as he continued to watch Alice. "You're in her house. Do you think you could introduce me to her?" Frank asked, leaning around Peter to address Sirius. Sirius kept staring forward, seemingly pretending to ignore Frank for a moment, before he turned his head to look at the Gryffindors.

"Her name is Alice."

"Alice," Frank breathed, saying the name like it was his favorite word in the world. "I know that part. Can you introduce us?"

"I guess. I don't really know her myself," Sirius said, pulling out his own wand. He had, up until that point, been perfectly content to sit there and watch everyone else, except for Alice and Frank and Lily apparently, struggle through the charm. He tapped the end of his wand against his thigh, face darkening for a brief moment as his eyes unfocused. But then he swirled his want and gave one firm stab, speaking under his breath. The books softened quicker than lightning, the pile collapsing slightly as the bottom ones lost form. He moved his want to the left and performed the spell again, sponging the seat underneath the boy on his other side.

The boy didn't notice at first, too focused on performing his own charm, but then the seat collapsed underneath him and he fell to the floor in a heap.

"Mr. Black!" Professor Poppinwell exclaimed, skirting her way through the labyrinth of book piles to stand next to Sirius. She folded her thing arms across her chest and tapped her foot on the ground. "Detention. And five points from Ravenclaw for good measure. We do not use our magic on our classmates, Mr. Black. But, you've demonstrated remarkable mastery of the charm. See to it that you only use it for academic purposes in the future."

She tuned to leave, but stopped when she saw Peter's still solid pile of books. "Mr. Pettigrew, perhaps a bit more focus."

Peter's entire face burned with embarrassment. Frank gave him a comforting clap on the back before he went back to his own book pile, oscillating them back and forth between sponge and solid and back again. But even with that little bit of comfort, he felt the familiar sting of inadequacy flare up in his chest and the taunting voice of his sister returned in full force. She was brilliant at charms, best in her entire year as she told it, and found the excuse to rub it in his face at every possible opportunity.

He sank down into his seat and felt his hand starts to shake.

The embarrassment felt worse when witnessed by someone like Sirius Black.

"Just try again," Sirius said suddenly, seeming to surprise both himself and Peter.

Peter did, very well aware of Frank and Sirius watching him.

He tried not show his enthusiasm when the pile of books turned half sponge in front of him. Sirius sank down into his seat and propped his legs up, ignoring Peter once again. He had hoped to thank him, but when the class was released, Sirius was up and out of his seat before he even got the chance.

A flush of resentment settled in Peter's chest at the sudden dismissal, but he was saved from ruminating over it by Lily and Frank inviting him to lunch. Still, when he caught sight of Sirius at the top of the stairwell, he couldn't help but think of every other purebloods he had encountered over the years. Every boy his sister tried to con into marrying her had been just like Sirius.

Arrogant, talented, ungrateful.

He was probably going to find his pureblood friends and mock him for his failures the moment he could. He might not have been sorted in Slytherin, but Peter had little doubt he wasn't still just as entrenched with them. He glanced over his shoulder at him once more before he started to follow Lily and Frank, trying, and failing, to put Sirius and to the back of his mind.

But the embarrassment lingered.

And Peter, though he tried hard not to let it happen, felt his resentment build.

He pushed it aside with all the willpower he possessed and hurried after Lily and Frank, cautiously optimistic that he would have better luck with the pumpkin juice this time around, and made up his mind to enjoy the rest of his first Halloween at Hogwarts. For now, the buildup of bitterness at the back of his brain was little more than a kernel, a tiny little shard.

And he could ignore it.

Just like he ignored everything else- his sister's taunts, his mothers overbearing nature, his own nervousness- he could ignore this newest cut.

He would have to, because as much as he resented Sirius Black and everyone like him, he wanted nothing more than to be his friend.

Peter is my favorite little future murderer. I think he was always resentful of the other three. I think this is shown and hinted at in canon, but I'm going to explore all facets of his complicated relationship with James, Sirius, and Remus. I think for all he wants to be them and be around them, he hates them in equal measure. Obviously, we're a long way from him being capable of selling them out, but I think it's important to show that those feelings don't just crop up out of nowhere, they build over time. But, we'll see Maybe events won't even happen that way at all.

Its an AU, after all ;)

Next up is Sirius and we'll get to see the rivalry between him and James in full!