WORLD DOMINATION? OF COURSE. IT'S ALL MALEFICENT EVER TALKS ABOUT. THAT...AND REVENGE. TYPICAL EVIL OLD MALEFICENT. WELL, HERE WE GO!
Maleficent's tenement apartment sat directly above Bargain Castle. It was dark, dusty, and dirty-just to Maleficent's liking. The colored windowpanes were mismatched and blocked out the sun. Lights in green crystals swayed from the high ceiling. The whole foul place smelled of sulfur. Maleficent, filing her nails, was seated in her tall green throne chair with her feet propped up. Mal and her four friends and their three parents sat around the apartment, waiting for Maleficent to explain why she had summoned all of them.
The villains had seen better days. Cruella, with her wild black-and-white hair, wore a ratty, nearly bald black-and-white dog-fur coat, which sported a bejeweled stuffed toy Dalmatian head next to her neck. She stroked it lovingly as if it were alive. Jafar, with his trademark mustache and goatee, was rocking a potbelly, a comb-over, and puffy Sansabelt pants. Evil Queen, a former beauty, pulled at her cosmetically altered face and stared into a mirror. Hades stood in the shadows, not caring about the other villains around him. Mal, Evie, Jay, Harlow, and Carlos feared their parents nonetheless.
"You will go," Maleficent commanded the teens. "You will find the Fairy Godmother and you will bring me back her magic wand." She blew on her nails. "Easy peasy."
"What is in it for us?" Mal asked.
"Matching thrones," said Maleficent. "Hers-and-hers crowns."
"Uh...I think she meant us." Carlos said, gesturing to the others in the group.
Ignoring him, Maleficent tossed her nail file over her shoulder, stood, and beckoned Mal to her. "It's all about you and me, baby," she said, leaning in close to Mal. "Do you enjoy watching innocent people suffer?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, who doesn't...?" Mal answered.
"Well, then get me that wand! And you and I can see all that and so much more!" said Maleficent. "And with that wand and my scepter"-she held up her arms-"I will be able to bend both good and evil to my will!"
Evil Queen lowered her mirror. "Our will," she said. Cruella pointed at Evil Queen and nodded.
"Our will, our will," Maleficent said, trying to save face. She looked at Mal. "And if you refuse, you're grounded for the rest of your life, missy," she said firmly.
"What?" cried Mal, distressed. "Mom!"
Maleficent pretends to be squishing Mal's lips to make her stop complaining before she stared into her daughter's eyes. Mal stared right back at her, both sets of eyes turning green in the process. The stare intensified. It was a test of power and focus. Mal and her mom did this every so often. Maleficent always won. Mal tore away her gaze.
"Fine, whatever," Mal said.
"I win," said Maleficent.
"Malef, relax," said Evil Queen. "You're going to pop a vein and that is a look no one can rock." Cruella cackled.
"Did her face just move?" Maleficent asked Cruella, pointing at Evil Queen. Cruella used her thumb and forefinger to indicate "a little bit."
"Someone alert the media!" said Maleficent.
"Hilarious," said Evil Queen sarcastically. "Evie! My little Evil-ette in training." Evie ran over and sat obediently across the table from her mother.
"You just find yourself a prince with a big castle and a mother-in-law wing." EQ said as her daughter sat down across from her.
"And lots and lots of mirrors," said Evie and her mom in unison. Evie beamed as she thought about it and clasped her hands, before her mother told her to stop.
"No laughing," her mother told her. "Wrinkles." Evie's smile vanished and she pouted. Maleficent looked at them and sighed, piutting her head in her hand.
"Well, they're not taking my Carlos," said Cruella, caressing the side of her son's head. "because I'd miss him too much."
"Yeah, right." Harlow muttered under her breath before walking over to Jay.
"Really, Mom?" asked Carlos. "You mean it?"
"Yes!" Cruella said. "Who would touch up my roots? Fluff my fur and scrape my bunions off my feet?" She kicked up a leg and Carlos caught her foot in his hand. He looked miserable.
"Yeah, maybe a new school wouldn't be the worst thing." He said, slightly creeped out.
"Oh, Carlos, they have dogs in Auradon." said Cruella, stroking his cheek. Carlos looked petrified and shook his head
"Oh, no! I'm not going!"
"Ugh!" said Maleficent.
"Well, Jay isn't going, either!" said Jafar. "I need him to stock the shelves in my store." He looked at his son. "What did you score?" he asked him. Jay laughed and pulled a variety of stolen trinkets—one of the last items being an old lamp—from his vest, sleeve cuffs, and boots and handed them over to Jafar.
"A lamp!" Jafar grabbed it and rubbed it furiously.
"Dad, I already tried," said Jay, shaking his head. Frustrated, Jafar threw the lamp back at him.
"Well, Evie's not going anywhere until we get rid of this unibrow." Evil Queen eyed Evie, extracted a pair of tweezers, and approached her daughter's eyebrows.
"Will it hurt?" asked Evie.
"Beauty is pain, darling, beauty is pain," said Evil Queen as she plucked.
Maleficent addressed the room. "Am I here? Was I speaking? What is wrong with you all? People used to cower at the mention of our names! For twenty years, I have searched for a way off this island." She ranted as Evie began to pluck her mother's eyebrows.
"Ouch!" said Evil Queen
"For twenty years," continued Maleficent. "they have robbed us from our revenge."
"Ouch!" said Evil Queen as Evie kept plucking.
"Revenge on Snow White and her horrible little men." Maleficent told Evil Queen.
"Ow!" said Evil Queen at Maleficent's words.
Maleficent turned to Jafar. "Revenge on Aladdin and his bloated genie!"
"I will..." Jafar started as he shook his fists.
"Pop!" Jay stopped him.
Maleficent turned to the god in the room. "Revenge on all your brothers for betraying you."
Let's just say at that moment, if Hades could've burst into flames, he would have.
Maleficent rounded on Cruella. "Revenge on every sneaky dalmatian that escaped your clutches."
"Oh, but they didn't get Baby," said Cruella, stroking and squeezing the stuffed toy dog head on her vest. "They didn't get the..." She wheezed maniacally. "They didn't get the Baby!" Carlos put his head in his hand, embarrassed.
Jafar locked eyes with Maleficent. "I am with you!"
Maleficent returned the stare. "Who are you?" she asked him.
"Jafar? The grand tsar of Agrabah?" he said.
"And I, Maleficent, the most evilest of them all..." she said. "I will finally have my revenge on Sleeping Beauty and her relentless prince." She turned to her friends. "Villains!"
"Yes?"
"Yes?"
"Our day has come." She turned to Evil Queen and nodded at Evie. "E.Q., give her the magic mirror."
Evil Queen studied her brows in the shards of glass that used to be her magic mirror. "One minute, s'il vous plaît," said Evil Queen, angling her face and studying her reflection.
"Now!" said Maleficent.
"Oh, for badness' sake!" said Evil Queen. "World domination can wait another thirty seconds!" She handed her mirror to Evie.
"This is your magic mirror?" asked Evie, sounding disappointed when she was given a small mirror, nothing like the one her mom had.
"Yeah, well," said Evil Queen, "it ain't what it used to be. Then again, neither are we!" She gestured to Maleficent, Cruella, and Jafar, and they laughed. "It will help you find things."
Evie's face lit up. "Like a prince!" she said.
"Like my waistline," said Evil Queen.
"Like the magic wand! Hello!" said Maleficent, frustrated.
"Hello." Evil Queen muttered.
"Like the magic wand! Hello!" shouted Maleficent, frustrated. She looked thoughtful. "My spell book. My book. I need my...That book." Evil Queen snapped her fingers, pointing to the old refrigerator in the kitchen.
"Oh! Ah! The safe! The safe." She tried to open the "safe", which should have been easy, but she couldn't do it. "I can't open it," she said. "Queen help me! I need to get in! It's broken! I can't get in! Queen, help. I never can figure this thing out."
"The woman has been on this island for twenty years, and she can't figure out how to open a stupid refrigerator." Harlow whispered to Jay, who chuckled. "Mistress of Evil is seriously starting to lose her game."
Everyone looked on as she banged the refrigerator until, finally, Evil Queen pulled its handle and the door opened.
"Voila." EQ said as she effortlessly opened the "safe". Maleficent reached in and retrieved the book.
"Ah! My spell book!" she said. "Come, come, darling," she said to Mal. She lovingly stroked the book's brown leathery cover, which featured a gold embossed dragon. "There she is! It doesn't work here, but it will in Auradon." She looked at Evil Queen. "Remember when we were spreading evil and ruining lives?" asked Maleficent.
"Like it was yesterday," said Evil Queen. The two women started to get teary-eyed.
Maleficent spun to Mal. "And now, you will be making your own memories..." She offered the spell book to Mal, but before Mal could take it, she snatched it away. "By doing exactly as I tell you," she said, shoving the spell book into Mal's arms.
"Door," Maleficent said to Evil Queen, gesturing to the door. A horn sounded from the street and the kids began to grab their things.
"Whoo! Let's get this party started!" said Jay as he went outside.
"Carlos! Come!" said Cruella, calling her son as if he were a dog.
Evie checked herself out in her mirror.
"Who is the fairest of them all?" Evil Queen asked her.
"Me," said Evie.
"Ugh!" said Evil Queen, glaring at her daughter.
"You," said Evie, correcting herself.
"Yes!" said Evil Queen. "Let's go."
Jafar pulled Jay aside for a private exchange. "Now recite our mantra."
"There's no team in 'I,'" said Jay.
Jafar smiled. "Run along. You're making me tear up!" Jafar sent his son off, grabbing a bag along the way.
"Dad!" Jay shouted, knowing exactly what he was doing.
"Coming!" Jafar said, running out of the room.
"Harlow." Hades called his daughter as she was about to leave.
"What?" She said, turning to look at him.
Hades held out a book that contained his tricks and spells from when he had on Mount Olympus. "Don't want my daughter to be going to a strange place without a way to defend herself."
"I can defend myself just fine, dad." Harlow told him. "You know that."
"Yeah, but you aren't in control of your powers. You need to learn."
"I know."
Hades took a small bracelet and put it in her hand, showing her the orange gem that sat directly in the middle. "This gem is the only thing left of your mother that I have. I was able to make it into your own version of my ember. It will help keep your powers in control as you learn to use them."
"Wow." Harlow said, looking at the gem. "That's pretty cool."
"And I don't really care about this stupid plan of Maleficent's. If you don't wanna take part in it, don't. Just don't do something over there that you might regret." Hades warned her, not wanting her to have to be on the island the rest of her life.
"I won't, Dad." she said, going to walk away. Suddenly she paused and turned back to her dad, surprising him with a brief hug before walking outside.
As everyone filed out of the room, Maleficent threw open the doors and led Mal onto the balcony. They looked over the busy isle streets strung with lights and gazed across the sea. Auradon Prep could be seen nestled in the majestic green mountains. Mal couldn't believe that she'd be there, and so soon.
"The future of the free world rests on your shoulders," said Maleficent. She set a hand on Mal's shoulder. "Don't blow it." She winked and disappeared inside. Mal lingered on the balcony, not taking her eyes off Auradon. She was afraid but also excited. She wondered if there was someone on the isle looking back at her.
"Mal!" her mother sang, beckoning her.
Mal headed back inside, but not before giving the tiny dot that was Auradon Prep one last look. From below, the horn honked again, a reminder that it was time to depart.