A/N: I am so sorry for the ridiculously long wait. My depression decided to crash the party and also work has been stressful as hell so I wasn't writing at all for a long time. But I'm doing better now, and writing more often. And I get at least a few points for not letting a WHOLE year pass between updates even though it got close, right? *laughs nervously*

Thank you again so much to everyone who has stuck with this fic and left kudos and/or comments. I appreciate every single one of you 3

Enjoy!

Chapter 6

"So, this is the formal dining room," James said, waving his hand out in a sweeping gesture. Severus and Evans followed him through the doorway, holding hands. Evans looked appropriately impressed by the grandeur of the chandeliers and high ceilings and the long, ornately engraved wooden dining table. Severus on the other hand, looked like he was on the verge of zoning out again. "Sev? Still with us?"

Severus blinked a few times before glancing at James and seeming to process his words on a delay. "Hm? Yes, I'm fine," he said.

"All right." James continued towards the dining table, then said, "This'll be fun—I've never gotten to sit at the head of the table before." His parents hosted elaborate formal dinners from time to time and he'd always enjoyed the ostentatious pageantry of it, but his father always sat at the head of the table since he was head of the family. James smiled, then put his hand on Sev's shoulder and steered him to take the seat to the left of the host's seat, explaining, "Sev, you live here now, so you're not technically a guest. Meaning, Evans, you get the seat of honor." He elaborately gestured to the seat on the right, feeling rather proud of himself for finding a way to flatter and hopefully impress her.

But Evans just raised an eyebrow at him before ignoring the chair he'd indicated and stepping around him to the opposite side . "I'll sit by Sev, thanks."

James blinked, but quickly schooled his expression to hide his disappointment. "Right. Fine, that's…fine." It felt rather like a slap in the face but it was fine.

Less excited now, James finally took a seat at the head of the table, and his guests sat down as well. "So, erm, Italian?" he suggested, glancing at Severus.

Severus glanced up and caught James' eye briefly before looking away with a muttered, "Not hungry."

"You have to eat something, love," James said. "Do you want some more honeydew?"

Severus shook his head no. James caught Evans giving him an odd look, but she glanced away as soon as she was caught, looking back at Sev instead.

"Sev," Evans spoke up, putting her hand on his arm to get his attention and then leaving it there, rubbing it in an absent gesture of affection. "You really do need to eat." James was glad that she was at least cooperating with him to get Sev to eat something. Evans got a mischievous look on her face, then asked, "How long has it been since you've had red velvet cake?"

Severus looked over at her and protested, "That's not fair," but his lips twitched into the tiniest hint of a smile, and Evans looked triumphant.

"So," James asked, "we're having red velvet cake?"

"Yes," Evans said definitively.

"If we must," Severus said in a quiet, longsuffering tone.

"We must," Evans declared, playfully imitating his dramatic tone. She glanced over at James and finally explained, "It's his favorite. The one thing he'll always eat."

James smiled. "Noted. Tally?" he called, and then he leaned down to whisper in the elf's ear when she arrived.

Tally snapped her fingers and procured an elaborate seven-tiered red velvet cake that would have stood out even at one of his parents' dinner parties—it was shaped like a castle, complete with towers, and spires, and windows made with icing, and even stairways curving up the outsides of each level to connect the tiers. James glanced over at the satisfying sight of both Sev and Evans staring at the cake with their jaws dropped.

James schooled his expression and casually asked, "Will that do?"

Evans blinked a few times, then looked at James and said, "That's too beautiful to eat. It belongs at a wedding."

James gave her his best seductive smile and said, "So marry me, Evans, and we'll have it at ours."

Evans scoffed and gave him a scandalized yet slightly amused look. "Don't propose to me in front of our boyfriend! What's wrong with you?"

"Our boyfriend," James repeated, a pleased grin spreading across his face at the sound of it. "I like that."

A faint blush spread across Evans' cheeks, and she rolled her eyes at him but didn't reply.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus wasn't sure whether to be pleased or annoyed by the flirting, but he was sure that he wanted a piece of that ridiculous, beautiful cake. He'd had zero appetite for—well, he'd actually lost track of how many days—but it seemed like his body had suddenly chosen to remind him that yes, it did in fact need food.

He picked up the cake server and knife, then stood up and wondered which part he was supposed to cut first.

"Oh, hey, I'll get it," James said, standing as well and gently prying the knife and server out of Sev's hand. Sev held his plate up, and James proceeded to slice off the entire top tier of the cake and plop it onto Sev's plate.

It barely fit on the dessert plate and it tilted precariously to the right. Severus looked up to catch James' eye, raising an eyebrow and saying, "Really?"

"Don't give me that tone, you haven't eaten for a week," James said, cutting another (much more sensibly sized) piece of the cake and putting it on Lily's plate. He then cut a piece for himself the same size as Lily's, and settled back into his seat.

"You don't have to eat all of that, Sev," Lily told him quietly, just before she took a bite of her cake. He looked over and found her subtly glancing back and forth comparing the slice on her plate to the one on James' plate, and after a moment she smiled. Sev took a moment to catch on, but it eventually clicked that James hadn't automatically expected her, as a girl, to eat less, and it had earned him some points with her.

Severus finally took a bite of his own cake, closing his eyes and savoring the taste. "This is perfect," he said, pointing his fork in emphasis.

James smiled at him and smoothly said, "Perfection deserves perfection."

Severus snorted and said, "Don't make me throw this at you, it'd be a waste of good food," he said before taking another bite of cake.

James pouted and exaggeratedly complained, "Evans, Sev won't let me compliment him."

Lily snickered and said, "That was a bad line, not a compliment, Potter."

James put one hand over his heart and said in his faux-offended tone, "Merlin, you're both so mean. No wonder you ended up together." He shook his head and went back to his cake, but Severus could see his lips twitching as he held back a smile.

"That's true. Clearly you have a type," Severus told him, half-teasing.

"Yeah," James said, pausing dramatically before pointedly saying, "perfection."

Severus rolled his eyes, and Lily scoffed but she was smiling.

"Whatever, Potter," Lily said, sounding grudgingly charmed.

They finished their cake, James and Lily each having a second helping that Sev had sliced off of his own gargantuan piece and shoved onto their plates.

When Severus finally managed to finish most of the cake on his plate, minus what he'd given away, he felt an intense wave of fatigue blanketing him, and he blinked a few times, trying to fight it off.

"Sev?" Lily asked, giving him a concerned look.

"M'fine, just really tired," Severus answered. Which made sense, because if Potter was to be believed, he'd done more today than he had all week. "Do you have any coffee around here?" Severus asked James.

"Well, yeah, but you should probably rest if you feel like you need to," James hedged.

Lily patted Sev's arm and said, "I need to get going anyway—I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, so I'm sure my parents are going to be in an uproar."

"Come back as soon as you can?" Severus asked, glancing up to meet her eyes.

"Of course," Lily said, smiling slightly and then leaning forward to press a brief kiss to his lips. "Might be a week or so, though, if I get grounded for this."

James spoke up and suggested, "We could come to you instead?"

Lily raised an eyebrow at him and said, "I'm not allowed to have people over if I'm grounded. It's generally a 'confined in your room except for meals with no telly, no music, no books, bored out of your mind' kind of thing."

"I can be very, very stealthy," James said in a serious tone that made Lily's lips twitch into an almost-smile.

"Stealthy enough to sneak you and Sev past both my parents and my worse-than-Filch sister?"

James smiled at the challenge in her tone, and said, "I would absolutely love to try."

"Maybe you should," Lily said with a hint of a smile. Her eyes locked with Potter's and neither of them looked away.

Severus yawned, unintentionally breaking the tension.

Lily snickered, covering her mouth with one hand. James looked at Sev and asked in his fake-offended tone, "Are we boring you, Severus?"

"Not at all," Sev insisted, holding back a tired smile. "My apologies."

James dropped the act and huffed a laugh, then stood up and held out a hand for Sev. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

Severus took James' hand and allowed him to help him stand. Lily stood up and took his other hand, and the three of them headed out of the dining room and back towards the stairs. Severus didn't let go of either of their hands as they arrived at James' bedroom, where James paused outside the door.

"Erm," James said uncertainly. "Do you want your own room now? It's fine if you do, I just—"

"No," Severus interrupted. Then he self-consciously added, "I mean, not unless you're sick of me or something."

"Never," James insisted, bringing their clasped hands up to press a kiss to the back of Sev's hand.

Severus smiled.

"You guys are surprisingly cute together," Lily said with a hint of a smile.

"Aw, stop it Evans, you're making me blush," James said.

Severus yawned again. "Sorry," he said immediately, but James and Lily both just smiled and nudged him into the bedroom.

"Get some rest, Sev," Lily said, finally letting go of his hand but leaning up to kiss him goodbye. He closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, just a little. When she finally started to pull away, he followed, chasing her lips. She smiled against his lips and kissed him again before pulling away for real.

"You'll come back?" Severus asked her, hating the note of desperate vulnerability in his voice.

"As soon as I can," she promised, then kissed him one more time and took a step back.

James squeezed his hand and then let go of it, stepping back as well. "I'll be up after I walk Evans out, all right love?"

Severus nodded, stole one more look at both of them, then turned towards the bed.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"I'm more than a little jealous, you know," Evans said as James closed the door to his room after leaving Sev inside to go to bed.

"Why's that?" James asked as the two of them started walking back down the corridor towards the stairs.

Evans bit her lip, then answered, "Well, aside from the obvious that you're living together…he lets you call him 'love'."

"Oh, that? Don't be," James said. "That day we snuck out to Hogsmeade we ran into this nice old lady who thought we were a couple—we let her believe it, and we sort of made a game out of calling each other different pet names. That's the only reason he lets me—he doesn't believe that I mean it."

Evans blinked, then asked, "Are you saying you do mean it? That's awfully fast, Potter."

James shrugged, and then said, "I told you before, I'm an all-or-nothing kind of guy."

Evans fixed him with a scrutinizing look for what felt like ages, then she asked, "Does that mean you think you love me too?"

James blushed, and stammered a bit while trying to get a response together. "I—erm, well—you know. I'd call you 'love' too, except you keep making all those threats to my bollocks," he finally said, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Evans didn't laugh. She gave him a forced-looking smile that managed to seem both sad and annoyed, and said, "You don't know me well enough to really love me."

James bit his lip, then said in a slightly bitter tone, "Well, you've never really given me a chance to get to know you better."

Evans' eyes flashed and she snapped, "And you think I owe you that? You think if some bloke has a crush on a girl, she's obligated to go out with him because of how he feels? And never mind how she feels, right?"

James blinked. "What? No—I don't think you owe me anything. I didn't mean it like that," he said quietly, mentally swearing at himself for screwing things up with her again.

They reached the staircase and walked down in silence, every step without a response from her ratcheting up his anxiety.

At the bottom of the stairs, he couldn't take the silence anymore and he blurted out, "Look, if you really hate me that much, I'll back off, all right?" It felt like ripping out his own heart to say it, but he didn't want her to keep thinking of him as a selfish, thoughtless brute either. He didn't know how he kept messing up so badly with her. "But—can we at least try to get along, for Sev?"

He glanced over and found her staring at him with an unreadable expression. "I never said I hated you," Evans finally said.

James muttered, "It was strongly implied."

"I hate the lines," Evans said, sounding exasperated, "and the swaggering, and the sense of entitlement, and the way you act so certain that I'll fall for it someday." She paused and seemed to struggle to find words for a moment, before finishing, "Just—be a person around me, not a performance. And treat me like a person instead of a prize."

James blinked a few times, not sure what to say to that. He nodded, not quite able to shake the feeling that in her own way she'd just gone and said that he was 'too much' like everyone always did in the end. "Right," he finally said in a flat tone. "I'll work on that."

They finally arrived at the front door, and James glanced over to find her watching him with a curious expression. Under normal circumstances, he would've said something flirty along the lines of 'see something you like?' but he held his tongue.

"Thank you," he said instead.

Evans looked confused. "For what?"

James gave her a humorless half smile, then said bluntly, "For not making him choose… We both know he'd choose you. So, thank you."

Evans blinked, and said, "Potter—"

James opened the door and held it for her. "Good night, Evans." He didn't quite dare to look her in the face again, so he kept his eyes on the floor as he stood there holding the door open.

After a long silent moment in which he waited to see if she would stomp all over his heart some more, Evans finally just replied, "Good night, Potter," and stepped outside.

James let out the breath he'd been holding, and closed the door.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

For a moment, Lily just stood there and stared at the closed door. She'd never seen Potter act so subdued—had she actually managed to hurt his feelings? He always seemed to wear arrogance and narcissism like a shield nothing could get through. She hadn't been aiming to hurt him in the first place—she'd thought she'd found a way to tell him what he'd been doing wrong all this time, and to tell him how to actually (possibly) win her over. Because after seeing how selfless and thoughtful and…loving…he'd been towards Sev, and seeing how he'd been taking care of him after the trauma he'd been through—she was impressed. She was willing to maybe, possibly, finally give him a chance if he would just grow up a little and be real with her. But he'd just shut down, and it left her feeling confused and disappointed and a little bit guilty.

She crossed her arms against the breeze as she stepped off the front porch and headed down the long driveway—it was slightly chilly outside now, and starting to get dark. Her parents were going to be livid.

At the end of the driveway, she stood at the edge of the road and held up her wand, calling the Knight Bus again. She dug another Galleon out of the money pouch Potter had owled her and paid for the return trip, and then dropped the change back into the pouch. She felt a little weird about spending Potter's money after whatever the hell had just happened between them, but she didn't have any other options to get home.

The Knight Bus let her off two streets over from her house and she walked the rest of the way, her eyes automatically scanning for threats and glancing over her shoulder every so often. She stuck to the outside of the sidewalk whenever she passed an alley, and waited to cut through until she found an alley that was clear except for a couple of round metal trash cans that were too short for anyone to hide behind. She had her handbag tucked under her arm and her wand in her hand—she couldn't use magic outside of school, but if anyone tried to attack her she could jab them in the eye with it. The part of Cokeworth she lived in wasn't nearly as dangerous or run-down as where Sev's house was, but it was still a good idea to keep one's guard up, especially after dark.

She made it to her own street without incident, and put her wand away as she snuck into her backyard, headed for the tree at the back corner of the garage. Her father was always talking about having it chopped down because it was only two feet from the garage and would be a disaster if it ever fell onto the house, but so far he hadn't gone through with it.

She climbed up the tree and then carefully stepped over onto the garage roof. The garage was only one story, though attached to the house which was two stories. Lily's room had two windows—one that looked out over the back yard, and another on the side of the house that faced the garage roof. She'd left that window unlocked when she'd snuck out earlier, and now she quietly eased it open before climbing back inside. She'd left the lights off in her room, but her radio was on, and she knew she hadn't turned it on before leaving…

The light clicked on suddenly, revealing Petunia sitting in her desk chair and evidently waiting for her in the dark like a psychopath.

Lily jumped and swore, "Shit! Tuney, what the hell?"

Petunia's face went all pinched at the swearing, and she frowned when she realized Lily was wearing the short shorts she detested so much, but she miraculously didn't comment on it. Instead she brought one finger up to her mouth in a 'shhh' gesture, and nodded towards the closed door.

"What? What's going on?" Lily whispered.

"Mum and Dad went to sleep early—jet lag, you know. I covered for you," she said superciliously.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "By 'covered' you mean you didn't immediately tattle on me for leaving?"

Petunia sniffed and said, "And I told them you were going to bed early too. They don't know you snuck off to see your boyfriend," she said, scrunching her nose in distaste at the last word.

Lily crossed her arms, and said, "Sev's fine by the way. He wasn't brutally murdered after all, thanks so much for asking."

Petunia waved her hand dismissively and said, "Obviously he's fine, or you'd be a sobbing mess and you wouldn't have been gone for three hours."

Lily rolled her eyes and bluntly asked, "What do you want, Tuney? For 'covering' for me?"

Petunia glanced down and fidgeted a bit, then blushed and said, "I want you to return the favor. I sort of…met someone."

Lily's eyebrows went up, but she smiled and said, "Good for you, Tuney."

Petunia almost smiled, and said, "The thing is, he's a little bit older, and I don't think Mum and Dad would approve—"

"How much older?" Lily asked, worried.

"Just…eight years," Tuney said quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Eight years!" Lily repeated.

"Shhh!" Petunia hissed.

"You're barely seventeen!" Lily whisper-yelled instead.

"I know how old I am," Petunia snapped.

"Does he? And how did you even meet a twenty-five year old? You never go anywhere fun," Lily said.

Tuney glared, but said, "I met him when Dad took Mum and I to the company picnic… he sort of…just started working there."

"Oh no," Lily said.

"Right, so if Dad finds out it'll be a complete nightmare." Tuney paused and looked down at her lap, then glanced up again at Lily and said, "Lily, please—I really like Vernon. Please don't ruin this for me. You know I don't approve of that Snape boy, but I'll cover for you if you cover for me. We'll just have to coordinate our dates for the same day, and tell Mum and Dad we're hanging out together somewhere—Mum will be thrilled to think we're getting along again."

Lily bit her lip and considered it, finally deciding, "All right."

"Thank you!" Petunia squealed, startling Lily when she jumped up to hug her.

"Oof—Tuney!"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Okay, you're welcome, jeez. But if he takes advantage of you or breaks your heart, I'm literally going to kill him."

Petunia scoffed and said, "Don't be morbid, Lily."

"I'm just saying," Lily said as Petunia finally let go of her and stepped away.

Tuney took a few steps towards the door, then paused and asked, "What really did happen to Snape's family anyway?"

Lily hesitated, because she knew Tuney was only being nosy and didn't really care about Sev. But she went ahead and told her the 'official' version. "Erm, well, Sev's dad got drunk and killed his mum, and then he left the house and walked in front of a bus on his way to the pub. Sev wasn't there when it happened, but he—he found her body, after."

Petunia clicked her tongue and said, "Horrible. So did they put him in a home or something? He hasn't got any other family, right?"

Lily shook her head, "He's living with James Potter now—the boy who was with us at the train station."

Petunia gave her a suspicious look, and asked, "A posh boy like that lives in walking distance of Cokeworth?"

"Not exactly," Lily admitted, "but I have a way to get there. Don't worry about it."

Petunia smirked and said, "I don't know…it seems like you sneaking off to see two boys is much more scandalous than my boyfriend being a little older."

Lily rolled her eyes and said, "I'm only sneaking off to see Severus—Potter just happens to live there," she insisted. "And neither of them are eight whole years older than me."

Petunia tsked and said, "It's really not that big of a deal."

Lily let it go and asked, "Can I have my room back now? It's been a long day, I'm kind of tired."

"Fine, good night," Petunia muttered on her way out.

"Night, Tuney," Lily called after her as the door closed.

That entire conversation had been unexpected, but she thought it had gone rather well, all things considered. Having Petunia as a reluctant ally would definitely make sneaking away much easier.

Lily sighed, switched the radio off, and then took off her jean shorts and changed into pajama shorts instead. She took off Sev's Led Zeppelin tee shirt only long enough to remove her bra and throw it haphazardly towards the open closet, then she put the shirt back on, turned off the light, and climbed into bed.

She took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then let it out. What a freaking day. Exhaustion hit her before too long, and she was drifting off to sleep wishing that Sev was here curled up with her instead of with Potter.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus woke up feeling better rested than he'd felt in years. He was laying halfway on top of someone, his head on their chest and one arm flung over them. A hand was stroking through his hair. For a moment he didn't question any of this, just enjoyed it. But finally his brain insisted on orienting itself, so he reluctantly opened his eyes and lifted his head to look at his bedmate.

"James," he said. James smiled and leaned down to press a quick kiss to his lips. Severus found himself smiling back.

"Morning," James said. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine," Severus said, laying his head back down on James' chest, content to stay exactly where he was for as long as he could get away with it. "How long was I asleep?" he asked, because he felt far too rested for it to have just been overnight. He vaguely remembered getting up to piss a few different times, but he'd gone back to bed and immediately fallen back asleep. He also had a hazy memory of James making him drink a nutrient potion before he'd let him get back in bed on one of those occasions.

"Almost two days."

"What?" Sev demanded.

James shrugged, "You seemed to need it, so I let you. Are you, er, still good? Still all the way here?"

"Still in my right mind, you mean?" Severus teased, throwing James' words from their shared bath back at him.

"You know what I mean," James said, sounding fondly exasperated.

"Yes, James. I'm as fine as I can be under the circumstances."

James let out a sigh of relief and said, "Thank Merlin. I was afraid the other day was a fluke and you'd be all zonked out again when you woke up."

"I think," Severus said hesitantly, testing the truth of the words as he continued, "that I'm done with that now." It felt right, as he said it out loud. He felt…grounded…in a way that he hadn't since that awful night.

"How can you tell?" James asked.

"I suppose I can't for certain—it's just a feeling. Like I can handle being here now, when I couldn't handle it before. I don't know."

"Well, that's good, then," James said. His hand found its way back into Sev's hair and started stroking through it again, and Severus found himself leaning into the touch.

They both went quiet, and for several minutes there was nothing but silence and comfort and warmth and James' fingers carding through Sev's hair.

Suddenly James asked, "Do you think I'm a performance?"

Severus blinked, taking a moment to try to figure out if he'd heard wrong, because the question didn't really make sense. "A performance of what?"

"I don't know, just, instead of a person?"

Severus raised an eyebrow despite the fact that James wouldn't see it with the way Sev's head was still resting on James' chest. "I'm not really sure what you're asking."

"Yeah, me neither," James said, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Where is this coming from?"

James shrugged, and Severus felt rather than saw the motion.

"James," Severus said, trying to put a sense of reassurance into his expectant tone.

James sighed, then said, "How do I keep messing up so badly with Evans? I thought dinner that night was going really well—she flirted back a few times, right? I didn't just imagine it?"

"She did," Severus confirmed, lifting his head again to meet James' eyes and study his expression. "Did Lily say something to you about a performance?"

"She more or less told me that she hated everything about me, and she said I was a performance not a person, and she thinks I don't care about her feelings."

Severus blinked. "That doesn't sound like something Lily would say."

"I paraphrased," James muttered.

"What exactly did she say?" Severus pressed.

James sighed. "Well, I told her that I'd back off with the flirting if she really hated me so much, then she said she hated the bad lines and the swaggering, and how I felt entitled to have her date me, or something." He paused a minute as if trying to remember the phrasing, then continued, "And then she told me to be a person around her instead of a performance, and to treat her like a person instead of a prize."

Severus smiled. "You're an idiot, Potter."

James huffed. "Thanks. Kick me when I'm down, why don't you."

"She was telling you how to get along with her. How to stop messing it up."

"What?"

"You asked me how you keep messing up with her—she told you exactly how, and then she told you how to fix it."

"That's not what I heard."

"Then you weren't really listening," Severus insisted.

"I was! She said I was too entitled and too sure of myself and too emotional, and," he trailed off, running a frustrated hand through his already-tousled hair, "just too much."

Severus frowned at the hurt undertone in James' voice, and he reached up to take one of his hands, entwining their fingers. "Maybe that's what you heard," Severus said quietly, "but I don't think that's what she meant." He had no idea how someone's ego could be so big and yet so fragile, but James seemed genuinely hurt, and Sev didn't like it. He sat up, not letting go of James' hand, and shifted so he could lean over him instead. "You aren't too much," Severus told James, before leaning down to kiss him.

James gasped at the surprise kiss, giving Severus the opportunity to slip his tongue past James' lips just far enough to be a question rather than an invasion. James kissed him back almost immediately, deepening the kiss and clutching Sev's hand tighter. After a moment, James shifted and tried to sit up, pulling back only far enough to whisper, "Hang on, let me up," against Sev's lip. James sat up, then tugged Sev forward by his hand, murmuring, "All right, come here."

Severus threw one leg over both of Potter's and perched himself in his lap. James' free hand reached out to grip Sev's hip and tug him closer. Sev's free hand reached up to caress James' jaw before slipping into that messy, wonderful hair as he leaned in for another heated kiss.

Severus kept waiting for James to pull away or tell him to slow down, but he never did, so Sev grew bolder, reaching down to tug at the hem of James' shirt, lifting it up. James broke away from the kiss and let go of Sev's other hand so he could pull off his shirt. Then he reached for the hem of Sev's shirt, but Sev caught his wrists.

James glanced up at him, giving him a questioning look.

Severus bit his lip and still hesitated. He wanted to, but…

"I've already seen your scars, Sev," James said softly. "It's all right."

Sev swallowed nervously, then let go of James' wrists and pulled off his own shirt before he could change his mind. He tossed it onto the bed beside them, then quickly leaned in to kiss James again to keep him from looking too closely. He didn't want James to see just how wiry and pale and skinny and scarred he was compared to Potter's washboard abs and amazing biceps and unmarred skin. Didn't want him to decide Sev wasn't good enough for him after all.

While they kissed, James' hands explored Sev's skin, warm and strong and gentle. They lingered at his hips, then drifted up his chest, into Sev's hair, then trailed back down again to settle at his waist.

Severus was wondering whether he was really bold enough to reach for the waistband of James' boxers, when suddenly, to his complete and utter mortification, his stomach growled. Loudly.

James went still and then burst into laughter. Severus slapped at him halfheartedly, and said, "Don't laugh," but he was chuckling too.

"Come on," James said, still smiling, "I'm hungry too. Let's grab some breakfast."

Severus rolled his eyes but was secretly a little grateful for the interruption now that it had happened. He climbed off of James' lap and found his shirt among the blankets, pulling it back on before tossing James' shirt at him.

James frowned at it and pretended to be confused. "What's this for?"

"Put it on."

"But why?" James asked, pouting slightly.

"Because you're gorgeous and distracting and I won't be able to focus on breakfast if I've got that," Sev waved vaguely at James' chest and abs "right in front of my face, you narcissistic tosser."

James grinned but relented and put the tee shirt on, then leaned over to press a quick kiss to Sev's lips.

When he pulled away, Severus said, "We could, erm, pick this up later? If you want?"

"All right," James said, glancing down at the floor and seeming unusually shy for a moment. Then he held out a hand to help Severus out of bed and said dramatically, "Breakfast awaits."

Severus rolled his eyes but accepted the hand. James started to lead him to the door, but Sev paused and asked, "Are we not putting trousers on first?"

James shrugged and said, "It's just us here, why bother?"

Severus had to admit that was sound logic, so the two of them walked down to the dining room wearing only tee-shirts and their boxer shorts.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Severus followed James back to the formal dining room, where the red velvet castle-shaped monstrosity still stood.

Sev gave him a dubious look and asked, "You just left it out in the open?"

"Well, yeah—it has a Stasis Spell and an Impervious Charm on it. Look," he said picking up a fork and tossing it at the cake. Six inches away, the fork hit an invisible wall and fell to the table, no harm done.

"Oh," Severus said as they took their seats.

James called for Tally and had her remove the charms from the cake. Severus was sure there were loads of common-knowledge household spells like that that he'd never heard of. His mother had never been allowed to use magic around the house, after all. His heart sank and a lump formed in the pit of his stomach even as James cut a piece of red velvet cake and placed it in front of him before reaching to cut a piece for himself. It seemed like he couldn't think of his mother right now without also thinking of her death—he hoped that would pass eventually, but he feared that it wouldn't. He feared all of his memories of her would be tainted from now on.

"I don't think I can eat anything right now," Severus said quietly.

James turned halfway to face him, "Sev, come on—" he started, but Severus' eyes caught on the long silver knife and its sharp edge and the way the light glinted off of it, and for a second the red clinging to it wasn't cake crumbs but blood. Severus reacted without thinking, flinging his magic out and sending the knife flying out of James' hand and across the room, where it embedded itself in the wall.

James froze and blinked down at him. "Erm?"

Sev's heart was pounding from the anxiety spike, but he tried to focus on the present and not get pulled into the past. "I'm fine," he lied. "I just—the knife," he half-explained.

James seemed to understand though. "Sev," he said, sitting down in the chair next to him, putting them at an equal level. "I would never hurt you," he promised. Then his face twisted in something adjacent to self-loathing, and he amended, "Never again."

Severus glanced up to meet James' eyes. He felt like his mind was together enough to try a bit of light Legilimency, just to skim the surface of James' mind, so he did—there was protectiveness, definitely a big chunk of self-loathing, determination, and an almost blinding amount of affection.

Severus forced a smile and nodded at James, leaning forward to embrace him. "I know," he murmured.

James held him in silence for a moment, then said, "Do you also know you're a total badass? Just flinging things around wandlessly like it's nothing."

Severus laughed into James' shoulder. "Shut up."

"I'm just saying," James said. After another moment, he patted Sev on the back and started to lean away. "Eat your cake, badass," he said, smirking.

Severus rolled his eyes at him, then said, "You can get another knife to cut your piece. I won't freak out again—it was just the way the light caught it or something, and I was thinking about my mum at that moment."

James looked at him for a moment, then said, "Nah," and proceeded to reach out and stick his fingers into the cake, grabbing a big chunk of it in his bare hand. "Who needs knives? Knives are stupid," he said, plopping the messy piece of cake onto his own plate, and then reaching for a fork.

That startled a laugh out of Severus, and he half-scolded, "Potter!"

"What?" James said innocently, licking a few crumbs off the palm of his hand. "It's my house, and I say no more knives."

Severus almost smiled, but said, "I can't just avoid knives for the rest of my life."

"No, but you should be comfortable at home, at least." Sev felt a warm little spark of something in his chest at the way James had just casually called this his home. James glanced over his shoulder and called, "Hey Tally?" The elf appeared, and James ordered, "Get rid of all the knives in the house."

Tally hesitated, wringing her hands. "M-master James, the knives is being part of the Potter family silver, Tally can not be getting rid of them. Master and Mistress ordered Tally to always be protecting the family heirlooms."

James huffed in frustration, then said, "Then take all of the knives, put them in a box, and put the box in the basement. Can you do that?" he asked, somewhat snippily.

"Yes, Master James," Tally said, bowing and disappearing to follow the order.

Severus blinked at James' tone, then cautiously said, "There's no need to get rude with her about it."

James glanced at him, then glanced away. "It's just frustrating, having to follow their rules when they've barely been around at all for the past year and a half." He paused to run a hand through his hair, messing it up even further, then said, "I know the work they're doing is important, but, I just miss them. And at the same time I'm upset with them for going away."

Severus just nodded, not sure what to say without stepping on a landmine.

James seemed to suddenly realize he was whining about his parents being gone on a trip to someone whose parents were dead, and he gave Severus an apologetic look. "Sorry. Champagne problems, I know."

Severus smiled, then teased, "No, go on. I'm starting to understand your mile-wide attention-seeking streak."

"Rude," James scoffed, but he smiled back. The smile faded into something more like a grimace after a moment, and he hesitantly said, "I guess I understand now why you never reported most of the things I did to you. I always wondered about that, but—I guess adults never gave you any reason to believe they'd help you, did they?"

Severus blinked at him, more than a little uncomfortable with the serious turn the conversation had taken. So instead of responding, he looked away at the plate of cake in front of him instead, and reached for his fork.

"Eat your cake, Potter," he said, in lieu of a real response. Severus watched out of the corner of his eye—James bit his lip and looked like he wanted to say something else.

But finally James just nodded and said, "Yeah, all right," and picked up his fork.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Way to make that as awkward and uncomfortable as possible, James sarcastically congratulated himself. He stuck another bite of cake in his mouth, barely tasting it.

Then, because he'd already ruined the mood, he decided to go all-in after about five minutes of eating in silence. "So, erm," he said awkwardly, "this probably isn't something you want to discuss, but we're getting close to the deadline to pick up your dad's ashes if you want them, you know, to do anything with."

Severus blinked, then set his fork down on his plate. "I…yes. I think I do want to pick them up. Let's do that today." His tone was a little off, but James figured 'a little off' was normal in this situation.

"All right." James eyed the remaining cake on Sev's plate—he'd eaten maybe three-quarters of it. "Are you going to finish that?"

Severus pushed the plate forward and stood up without answering, turning towards the hallway.

"Okay then," James said under his breath, stuffing one more bite of his own cake into his mouth before following.

He trailed behind Severus all the way back to his room (their—it was their bedroom now), impressed that Sev had remembered the way. James had only brought him down here twice—the mansion wasn't exactly small, and there were a lot of turns and corridors that could get confusing.

Severus strode directly to the closet, then started going through his section of clothes. He barely glanced over when James followed him in.

"Pick out something simple," Sev instructed without looking at him, "something that'll pass as Muggle and not look expensive enough get us robbed."

"You might have to help me with that," James admitted.

Severus nodded and then looked away, choosing a pair of black trousers for himself, which he put on over his boxers. He glanced through the shirts for a moment before deciding to just keep the dark gray tee shirt he'd worn to bed. Then he wandered over to James' part of the closet and started pulling out shirts to examine them before putting them back.

"I suppose this'll do," he finally said, pressing a navy blue tee shirt into James' arms, and a pair of charcoal slacks. "Do you not own any jeans?"

"I think there might be a pair of those bell-bottom things somewhere—"

Severus wrinkled his nose and said, "Never mind. Just put these on," before walking out.

James changed clothes and met Sev out in the bedroom, where he was standing in the center of the room with his arms crossed, looking closed-off and distant.

"Ready?" Severus asked.

"Yep," James said, trying to sound a little bit cheerful, despite the occasion.

"Do you have money for the Knight Bus?"

James perked up a bit. "We're taking the Knight Bus? I've never actually been on it." He dug a money pouch out of his nightstand and glanced inside to eyeball how many coins was inside. "I think there are about a hundred Galleons in here—do you think that'll be enough for both of us? I gave Evans fifty."

Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "I've never been on the Knight Bus either, but if it cost that much, no one could afford to use it. I think we'll be fine. Come on," he said, starting for the door.

James gently but firmly caught his wrist and said, "Hang on. Take another nutrient potion before we leave."

Sev scoffed and argued, "I had cake for dinner and breakfast."

"And you slept two days in between," James argued back. "Look, do you want to take a chance on collapsing in the middle of the street again?"

Severus sighed, then strode over to the nightstand to grab one of the nutrient potions that was lined up there waiting. He pulled the cork out, downed the potion, then petulantly threw the empty bottle onto the floor.

Luckily the carpet was thick and soft enough that the glass didn't break. Even so, James muttered, "I hope you step on that later," despite not meaning it at all.

"Just come on," Severus said waspishly, once again heading for the door.

James caught up to him in the hallway, and said in a much softer tone, "Sev, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. And I'm sorry for bringing up depressing things like three different times since breakfast. But please stop being all closed-off like this, I hate it."

Severus stopped in his tracks with his back turned to James, and for a moment he didn't move or say anything. Then his shoulders suddenly slumped and all of the tension went out of him, and he turned around and hesitantly made eye contact, looking apprehensive. James took a step closer, and reached for him. Severus wavered for a moment, then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around James, hiding his face in James' neck. James hugged him back and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

"That's better," James murmured.

Severus let out a sigh, then said, "I can't be…weak like this in public. I was building my Occlumency shields back up. I wasn't trying to be distant out of cruelty."

"You aren't weak," James said immediately.

Severus said nothing, only hugged James a little bit tighter.

After a minute or so, Severus patted James' back and then pulled away. "Come on, let's get going."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

They stepped off of the Knight Bus, both slightly nauseous. James was trying to hold back a grin—that had most definitely been fun, but they'd finally arrived at the morgue and he didn't want to walk in there smiling like a lunatic, and he also didn't want to piss off Sev, who'd gotten withdrawn and moody again. Not that James could blame him.

"Eleven sickles," James muttered again, shaking his head. He glanced over in time to catch Sev rolling his eyes. "It only cost eleven sickles apiece!"

"Come on," Severus said in a longsuffering tone, stepping toward the main entrance.

James followed him up the front steps, muttering again, "Eleven sickles!"

Severus stopped right outside the door, and held a hand up to James' chest when he tried to follow. "You wait out here," Severus said. "This should only take a few minutes."

James blinked. "But—"

"You are very much a Pureblood, and I don't want to get held up or turned away if you accidentally say something the Muggles will think is suspicious."

"I won't—"

"You've been griping about the eleven bloody sickles the whole way up the sidewalk and we were getting some stares," Severus hissed under his breath. "Just let me handle this, James, all right?"

"Fine," James said, admitting defeat. He crossed his arms and leaned his back against the wall next to the door. "I'll be here when you're finished."

Severus took a deep breath, visibly steeling himself, then he nodded to James and went inside the morgue.

James sighed, already bored.

The morgue Sev had just gone into was a drab, run-down building, surrounded by even more drab run-down buildings. There was a bus stop, and James watched as a Muggle bus (only two stories high and red, of all colors) pulled up and let off about ten people while six more got on.

Boring.

There was another drab, brick building across the street, three stories high and spanning the entire block, but somehow it managed to still look cramped and uninviting. According to the signs, there was a bookstore (Going Out of Business Sale!), a record store, a small law firm, and something that seemed like an apothecary crossed with a grocery store.

He was so very tempted to wander into the record store, but he resisted. He'd promised Sev he would wait here, so he would wait.

Even though he was bored out of his mind. Merlin.

James stared up at the clouds for a few minutes, trying to see shapes in them, but even those were boring.

Suddenly the door opened next to him, and Sev walked out, carrying a small box made of thin white cardboard that was maybe ten inches tall and five wide. Sev glanced over and caught his eye, then silently jerked his head for James to follow as he kept walking down the sidewalk.

"Is the urn in there?" James asked.

"No urn," Severus said, sounding darkly amused. "They want to charge thirty pounds for the cheapest urn, and it's not like I'm keeping this. So he's in a bag, in a box," Severus said, holding up said box.

"In a bag in a box," James repeated, smiling despite himself because it sounded kind of catchy.

Severus glanced over at him and huffed out a humorless laugh. "Someone's easily amused," he muttered, but he didn't seem annoyed.

James just shrugged, then asked, "So, erm, what are you going to do with him?" Because he had plenty of ideas if Sev decided to go the vindictive route, but he didn't want to be the first one to say it, in case Sev had something else in mind.

"Well," Severus said, sounding rather put-upon, "I've decided, against every fibre of my nature, to be the bigger man. I figure I already got my revenge on him."

"All right, that's…good," James said. They walked on in silence for a few more steps. "So, where are we going?"

Severus nodded up the street towards a huge, ostentatious sign. COKEWORTH RACECOURSE, it read.

"Gonna have to sneak in, though. It's closed," Severus said under his breath, abruptly turning down an alley right before the main entrance. James followed, trying to keep up and also looking over his shoulder a few times to make sure they weren't being followed.

"You should've told me the plan before we left home," James complained. "I could've brought my Invisibility Cloak."

"There wasn't a plan," Sev said. "I decided on the way here."

"Ah."

They came to the end of the alley, where the grounds to the horse track were guarded by a measly chain link fence. Sev glanced from side to side before passing the box of ashes to James with a muttered, "Hold this."

James wrinkled his nose but held onto the box as Sev quickly climbed over the chain link fence.

"Throw it over," Sev called, and James gave him an incredulous look. Severus laughed at James' expression, then said, "Seriously."

"What if it busts open?"

"Then it'll save us the trouble of spreading the ashes. Just throw the damn thing."

James felt a fleeting twinge of guilt for disrespectful treatment of the dead, but then he reminded himself that these were the ashes of a child-abusing wife-beating murderer who had tried to kill Sev, and then he chucked the box over the fence with no remorse. It landed in the soft grass about three feet from Sev, no harm done.

Severus gave him a sarcastic round of applause, then picked up the box and said, "Now hurry up and get your arse over here."

James climbed over the fence and jogged to catch up with Sev, who had taken off towards the empty grandstands…which, honestly, weren't very grand. The entire track was rather pitiful—chipped paint, fading signs, beer cans littering the ground.

"Are there horses here right now?" James asked. "I've always wanted to ride a horse. Or at least pet one. Can we pet the horses?"

"You are such a child sometimes," Sev muttered, but he softened it with a fond smile. "I'm pretty sure they don't leave the horses here between races."

James sighed, and dramatically said, "Another dream thwarted!"

Severus laughed, but then warned, "Keep your voice down in case there's a groundskeeper around somewhere. I might pass out if we have to run for it."

"Right. Sorry."

They climbed up the stairs into the stands, and Severus walked until they reached a spot in the middle, right in front of the finish line. Severus perched the box on the flat wooden railing, then sat down in the front row of the stands and stared at it. James sat down beside him.

"So..?" James prompted, after a few minutes of silence had passed.

Severus glanced away from the box and met James' eyes, then sighed and said, "I have exactly one good memory of my father." He paused, and a breeze ruffled his hair while he gathered his next words. "I was three or four maybe—it was before he knew about my magic, obviously, back when he still gave a shit about me," Severus paused, and James reached over between them to quietly take his hand. Severus squeezed James' hand and continued. "He brought me here to watch the horse race, just me and him, and he gave me one pound to bet on whichever horse I wanted," he said, laughing at the memory. "And I thought that was such a big deal, and I looked at the pictures of the horses and I picked a black one, because its mane reminded me of mum's hair. And he laughed when I told him that, and he placed the bet for me, and made his own bet too. Neither of us won anything, but I remember being in the crowd—he had me sitting on his shoulders up above everything—and I remember the heat and the noise of the crowd and how loud the horses' hooves were, like thunder when they ran past." Severus went quiet again, and James glanced over to check on him. Severus met his gaze, seeming embarrassed, then he sniffed and said, "That was a good day. That was the onlygood day I remember with him."

James forced a smile and said, "C'mere," holding his arm out for a hug. Severus immediately turned towards him into the embrace, hiding his face in James' shoulder. James stared at the box perched on the railing, thinking how bizarre it was that what was left of a person who had caused so much damage could be contained in something so small.

"I'm not," Sev paused to sniffle, then said in a steadier voice, "I'm not sad that he's gone. He turned into a monster, and I won't mourn him." He went silent for a long moment, then said, "Underneath everything else, I actually feel…free…for the first time in my life." Severus trailed off and sniffled again. Then in a cynical tone, he asked rhetorically, "Isn't that selfish of me?"

James replied, "It's not selfish at all."

"My mum should be here. She should be free too," Severus murmured back.

"I'm sorry," James said quietly, because didn't know what else to say.

Severus let out a heavy sigh, but didn't say anything. Then he started to sit up, squeezing James' hand one more time before letting go. "Let's get this over with," he mumbled, standing up and walking the few steps over to the railing to retrieve the box.

James stood too and followed, standing behind him in silent support as Severus opened the box and took out the clear plastic bag full of ashes. He opened the bag and held it out over the railing, over the racetrack, but hesitated.

James stepped closer to Sev, his chest to his back, and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. He rested his chin on Sev's shoulder, and said quietly, "Let him go, love."

Severus nodded and took a deep breath, then tilted the bag and let his father's ashes spill into the wind.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

A/N: Comments give me life :)