Summary: Sebastian tells Blaine what really happened the night of the accident and why he really asked him to stay at Dalton.
Notes:
I'm touching on something from canon that I have only read ONE other writer bring up and it was only recently. I was SUPER BUMMED because I knew I was going to do this and I thought I was sooo clever. I tried to find the fic again but couldn't. When I do, I'll give that writer credit but for now…DAMN YOU!
Song lyrics were changed to fit narrative (gender)
8AM
Sleep came but in restless spurts and all too soon there was a knock at his door. It wasn't shut but living with Kurt had conditioned Bella. It was a horrible, albeit true, thing to say. He'd have to teach her to realize she could come in whenever she needed him.
He'd schedule all of his non-Daddy requirements accordingly. Not like he hadn't been taking care of himself for a while anyway.
"Who is it?" Blaine called out in a sing-song voice.
"Bella and Dalton"
"Bella and Dalton who?"
"Daddy, that silly question" Bella said, first handing him the kitten, then reaching to be picked up herself.
"You'll appreciate it someday when Sammy teaches you Knock Knock jokes."
"We both go potty and I wash all hands." She washed the kitten's paws? And hopefully she meant Dalton used the litter box, but that hadn't been an issue so why was he worried? Stop!
"You washed all hands? How many hands?"
"I don't know"
"Then what should we do?"
Bella put on her thinking face. This one took a while. "Count!" After they counted 6 hands (and Blaine covertly checked for scratches, which there were none) she asked "When Ash come?"
Damn it, not this early. "Sweetie, Sebastian isn't coming until dinner. He's our neighbor like Mrs. Rodriguez was our neighbor in NYC. We don't do everything together."
"It day past Grogu Day and it raining. You say we watch Clones with Ash."
Bella didn't know the days of the week but she did know her schedule by what followed what. Monday was Tumble Day. Tuesday Play Date. Wednesday Dance. Thursday Shelby. Friday Grogu/Star Wars. So, day past Grogu was part of the weekend and a quick check out the window verified the rain.
But Saturday was also Shopping Day."I know I did but I forgot, we have to go shopping."
"Daaaaddddy, we can no go shopping. We can no go out Dalton."
"That's why we're shopping at Dalton."
She moved to his lap, crossed her arms and studied his face looking for signs of lying. Even at 2 ½ her BS detector game was pretty strong. "How?"
"First, we're going to the Art Room or Art (air quotes) Store Sebastian told us about. We have to get everything you need to make the big drawings Daddy wants you to make for our new home when we get one."
"You, me and Dalton…my kitty, not school."
"Yes, Daddy's going to frame them so they have to be extra big and extra special."
Bella remembered this was on the list of things for her to do while Daddy did his Dalton work with Ash. It sounded like the most fun. "Ash wants one too"
"That's right. We'll get enough supplies to make him one too."
"Are we going more shopping when done with Art?"
"We're going to go the big kitchen and (air quotes) grocery shop for what we need to make meals for the week. We'll make a list like we did back in NYC before we go."
"Ash eat dinner with us…ooooh, it secret. He won't get veggies if he comes."
"You really are the smartest kid on the planet."
"Ash say so too"
"Ok Miss Smarty Pants, how about, after grocery shopping, we go online and start looking at Princess dresses for Uncle Dave and Paul's wedding?"
"Yay! Princess dresses!" Bella flopped onto his chest and tried to kiss his cheek. "Your face too fuzzy!"
"Sammy and I are growing beards while we can't go anywhere" he said while rubbing the beard on her face then tummy, sending her into a giggling fit. "Maybe I'll grow mine as big as Santa!"
"No! I can't see your face. I love your face. You have bestest Daddy face."
Blaine stopped tickling her and flipped Bella so they were on their sides, facing each other. What he said to Sebastian earlier rang true. Nothing else mattered except the little girl next to him. "And I love your face. You have the bestest Daughter face and the bestest Daughter heart. And you know what, you give the bestest bestest Daughter hugs."
Bella scooted to him and wrapped her pudgy little arms around his neck. It was exactly what he needed. She let him hold her for quite a while but eventually asked "Daddy, can we stop hugging now?"
"Why? Oh, I bet you're hungry."
"No, I staaaaarrrrving."
8:30PM
Blaine laughed at the screen as Marley slapped Sam's arm. She'd figured out their diabolical plan. "Blaine, I love you and I love the idea of, if the baby is a boy, his middle name being Devon. But there is no way in hell I'm naming my son Blaine Samuel so the two of you can call him Blam."
"It was worth a shot. Guys, Sebastian's going to be here any minute. Stop pouting Sam."
"I can't believe Seb gets to know about your bat-shit crazy trust and I don't. Not fair!"
"I told you, something happened between us and the lawyers said I could. And our plan with the whiskey is going to be much more fun. Just please get over this in time to do those scenes by Shelby Day, I mean Acting Day."
"For The Adventures of NightBird and Monkey Girl?" Sam said the full name of the "comic" only because he knew how much Blaine hated the superhero name Bella chose for herself…payback. "It'll be there and I'll have the list of country songs for you."
"That is totally unnecessary."
"Hey, a country song sent you on this path to Dalton. You don't know what else you've been missing."
"Speaking of songs" Marley interjected "Tell Seb I'd love to surprise Paul by singing Running Home to You at his and Dave's wedding. Paul has been wonderful with my Mom and Trent sent me a copy of the video of him and Dave crying when I sang it at Barry and Iris' wedding. I'll be 7 months pregnant and as big as a…"
Blaine was listening to what Marley was saying about the wedding but was concentrating on something else "He even lets you call him Seb? I've tried calling him Seb a couple of times and he says (in a condescending tone) No, it doesn't feel right."
*Knock*
There were quick goodbyes before Blaine went to answer the door. Dinner was awkward to put it mildly. Thankfully, Bella had a day's worth of shopping adventures to ramble on about. But he worried Sebastian hadn't looked well and moved slower than usual. He also barely ate anything although Blaine readily admitted he was a little mean and served brussels sprouts.
They can be an acquired taste
And now Sebastian looked worse than just a couple of hours earlier plus he was using his cane. He never used it inside the apartments except the night he carried Bella, and he only used it for balance. "Are you ok?"
"What do you mean?"
"Sebastian…"
"I'm fine. Let's just have our talk."
"Not here"
Sebastian looked back to Blaine. He was still in the doorway. "You want to go to my place?"
"No, Bella is asleep but if you sit in your chair longer than 30 minutes, your leg is going to lock-up. Let me guess, you didn't do your physical therapy today or take a steam shower to loosen your muscles?"
"Who told you I have to steam?"
"You just did." Blaine shut the door and headed toward his room. "I don't have a bench in my shower so we'll have this conversation while you're in my soaker tub."
Did he say tub? "Not happening, Anderson."
Blaine turned around and…snickered? He looked like the villain on one of his nerd shows. "For the wedding in the barn, there was one thing the girls, or even Sue, couldn't get…a marriage license. We were going to take care of it on a trip to Rhode Island but didn't. We never did. In other words, I don't have to divorce Kurt because I never legally married him. If you want to hear the rest of the story, you'll get your ass in the tub."
By the time Sebastian's brain cells were functioning again, he could hear the bath water running. There wasn't a chance in hell he wasn't getting in that tub. That was until he entered the bathroom and saw they hadn't fit it with ADA bars.
Blaine noticed it at the same time. Knowing Sebastian couldn't lift his leg to get in the tub on his own, and also knowing Sebastian would be self-conscious of his scars, he did the only thing he could think of.
He began to strip.
"What the hell are you doing?!"
"Shh…Bella's sleeping and I'm going to help you into the tub" Blaine explained as his shirt hit the floor and he slipped off his socks before starting on his pants. "Don't worry, I'm leaving on the boxer-briefs and you can too unless you do go commando like 16 year-old Blaine always imagined."
"No, I…wait, 16 year-old Blaine imagined what was going on under 16 year-old Sebastian's Dalton uniform?"
"Oh yeah, now strip and get in the tub."
"Uh…"
"When Kurt and I moved back to NYC, Rachel took the loft and we moved into an apartment. The Super told us there had been a series of mailbox break-ins so we decided to keep Kurt's PO Box near NYADA and he would pick-up the mail on his way home. Question, did DARA send out a flyer when you were hired, with your picture, announcing you as the new Project Manager of the Rebuild?"
Sebastian let out a groan. "He knew anything from Dalton was most likely coming from me and I'm assuming his feelings for me never changed."
"Like I said, neither of us were lying. You were sending me mail but I wasn't getting it."
"What happened when you moved into your fancy Manhattan apartment?"
"Get in the tub Captain Underpants, I'll tell you the rest of this and the other story."
"You're such a nerd" Sebastian muttered but undressed, even allowing Blaine to help him with his pants, socks and shoes. His underwear stayed on. The tension in his hip and leg instantly began to ease the moment he slid into the water. And although they were supposed to talk, Sebastian felt himself relax for the first time all day.
Blaine saw this happening and was fine with a delay except, Sebastian hadn't taken off his Warbler ID bracelet or leather band. He wasn't going to let him fall asleep but he also didn't want the jewelry to accidently get wet. He went to take them off but the moment he touched the leather band Sebastian grabbed his hand.
Sebastian's heart almost stopped as he felt Blaine's hand touch his wrist. Then a feeling overwhelmed him. A feeling more powerful than when he thought he recognized Bella's eyes. Even more powerful than when he asked Blaine to stay at Dalton.
"I have to tell you my story first. I have to tell you right now."
Fortunately, Blaine already changed into comfy clothes in preparation of a long conversation. Sebastian wasn't letting go of his hand but he was able to reach his sweat pants and put them back on before sitting on the cold bathroom floor. "Whenever you're ready."
Sebastian immediately went all in. It was like he couldn't get the words out fast enough.
"You know the story of my accident. I went to San Francisco to visit my college roommate and do some Dalton business, he was taking me to the airport to come home, the roads were wet, he lost control. Kevin died, I wound up like this. That's the generic version everyone gets. Only one person knows everything, Trent, and now you will too."
"But Trent is your best friend and I'm far from it."
"We'll get to that. Two things I leave out from the accident portion of the story is when witnesses found me, I was inconsolable to the point of violent, yelling Where is he? Where is K?" and I was grabbing at my left wrist yelling They're gone.
"K as in Kevin, that makes sense. And they're gone, that's your bracelet and band." That one didn't make sense. Sebastian told him the Warblers got their bracelets after his accident. Blaine wasn't going to say anything…yet.
"I obviously had a concussion besides my other injuries but the police calmed me down enough to ask questions. I remembered Kevin but insisted he wasn't K. Then they told me witnesses swore there was a third passenger who was thrown from the car but they found no evidence one existed. Could this be K? I didn't know. I had no memories from the day of the accident or the five days before. Even some of my memories a week prior were sketchy. All I knew was K should have been there, I had all this random music playing in my head…which could have been the concussion, and K was the love of my life."
"Oh"
"Next thing I knew I was at the hospital, they put casts and stabilizers on everything, pumped me full of drugs and put me on a Medivac. Wesley and DARA had paid to fly me to OSU."
Blaine was still trying to wrap his head, and feelings, around Sebastian having (and losing) the love of his life. "They flew you back to Ohio so you could be with Trent?"
"About that. Trent and the rest of my Warblers informed Wesley, who had my medical power of attorney, of the I'm In pledge, so he got me off the drugs. Ok, long story short, a week later, when I woke up the first time at OSU, I was thrilled to see Trent, my best friend, by my bedside. I asked him where K was. Problem was, Trent didn't have a clue of what I was talking about because he wasn't my friend let alone best friend."
"I don't get it."
"According to him we had barely spoken in years, including at Dalton fundraisers. He had no idea who K was, had never seen me with a significant other and hadn't even heard a rumor I was dating."
Huh? "What did you do?"
"Besides freak out? Trent was only an intern, but he was doing a psych rotation. He talked to his attending and they did a CAT SCAN. No brain damage and my concussion was significantly better."
"What about the music and the memory loss?"
"I've never remembered the accident or time before. The music began to fade about a week after I got to OSU. Trent thought it was tied to the concussion. He thought K was tied to the concussion but humored me. I told him I'd make a great paper for one of those nut-job journals, but he'd never do that. He helped me write down all the lyrics I remembered and recorded me humming when it was just music. Then we'd try to piece it together in actual music to try to find the songs hoping they were clues. One day the music was completely gone and all I had was the notebook we wrote everything in."
"Did you figure out the songs?"
"Five" then Sebastian added "One of them was Falling Slowly."
"That's why you sang when you told Bella you didn't sing."
"Yes. And working on the notebook was what brought Trent and I together as real friends. But there was still a problem."
"You didn't know what happened to K."
"I still don't. I used to think, if we loved each other so much, he'd know where to find me…here at Dalton."
"Unless he really was a third passenger in the car."
"Which means he's either dead or like me and can't remember. I have to know, Blaine. That's where you come in. You live music. You heard a random song on the radio and knew to come here. You didn't even need the whole song. Could you look at the bits and pieces in my notebook? Maybe there's clues I just don't see?"
"Of course, but can I ask about the band and bracelet? Are they clues as well because you mentioned you were looking for them at the accident site? Where did you find them?"
"I didn't. It was the day the construction on the Warbler Commons finished. I sat down, taking in how exact we got it to the old one, when I had a flash...a memory I don't remember. I was in NYC, specifically the area where Julliard, Columbia and Lincoln Center all intersect."
"I know it well. I could see it from the apartment. But you haven't gone to NYC in 9 years because, as you say, there's a 1 in 8.5 million chance of running into Xavier."
"Exactly. I was wearing white tie and tails and I heard myself call out for K. Not his name, just K. I didn't see his face. He grabbed my wrist the same way you did earlier. We were both wearing the ID bracelets and leather bands. Once I saw them…the flash, vision, whatever, disappeared. I'd known all this time something was missing from my wrist but I didn't know what. I left Dalton and had them made. The guys saw the bracelet and thought it was a Medical ID bracelet for the I'm In pledge. It was easier to say yes than No, it's from the possibly dead, possibly missing, possibly imaginary, love of my life."
Blaine squeezed his hand and said with total sincerity "I may not be the person to ask an opinion involving matters of the heart, but love like that isn't imaginary, Sebastian." After days dissecting the total failure of his years with Kurt, Blaine felt jealousy forming for K. He had to get rid of it immediately if he was going to help Sebastian. "If the guys don't know this…"
"They think I lost the love of my life in the accident…Kevin. Kevin came from an extremely conservative family and was so far in the closet he was in the crawl space in back of it. I told the guys I use his initial because it was his secret to tell not mine, which I do believe. However, I always thought I'd have unraveled the mystery of my K and told them the truth by now. Hopefully, by the time lockdown is over, you'll do what Trent and I couldn't."
"We'll do it together, starting tomorrow. I'll look at the notebook and tell you my story."
"No fair! You promised the second parts of those stories if I got in the tub."
"You sound like Sam. You're also tired and practically falling asleep. But out of curiosity, what 5 songs did you and Trent figure out?"
"Falling Slowly, like I said, I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis and a weird song from a musical about a waitress comparing her life to pie. K had to be the Broadway fan because I'm not…no offense."
"None taken. And the others?"
"Mr. Brightside by The Killers and Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon. Where are you going?"
"To get you something to sleep in. What drawer?"
"Blaine…"
"Water's only getting colder."
"Do I at least get another Kurt story?" Obviously not "Top of the 5-drawer dresser."
He was back quickly with sleepwear, socks, dry underwear, an extra tooth brush and a jar of Sebastian's cannabis cream. "What's all that for?" Sebastian asked as Blaine assisted him out of the tub.
"Sleepover. There's also an extra razor in the medicine cabinet. Bella is protesting fuzzy faces."
Did he say… "Sleepover?"
"Yes. Do you want me to rub in the cream on your hip or can you do it yourself?"
"Excuse me?"
Blaine rolled his eyes and sighed. "It's not Kurt, but this trust that has caused so much trouble, I inherited it from my Great-granduncle Stanley Anderson. I'm assuming you know who Stanley Anderson was."
It was a good thing Sebastian was holding onto Blaine at the time. "The Stanley Anderson? How…how much of the estate…"
"Every…last…dime. To answer your next question, I'm sticking rich but after my birthday, when I get the full inheritance, I will be ginormously stinking rich and in total control of my money. So, do you want to rub in the cream or shall I?
Holy Shit! Stanley Anderson had been worth Billions…with a B…as in Blaine! "I'll do it."
"Good. I'll give you a few minutes and meet you in the bedroom. Don't let 16 year-old Sebastian get any ideas. Sam and I used to have sleepovers all the time…and don't let him have any ideas about those either!"
"Too late"
By the time he was ready, Blaine was back and handed him a drink once he was settled in bed. "Drink this."
"Do I want to know what's in it?" Blaine cocked an eyebrow and he started drinking "Hey, this is actually good. A fruit smoothie?"
"Protein shake, Greek yogurt, strawberry, blueberry, banana…kale."
Sebastian stopped drinking "You had to sneak in a vegetable."
"Drink!" Blaine grabbed his guitar and sat on the bed "You can't do this to yourself, what you did today. A lot of it was my fault. I never should have ended the Warbler conversation like that."
"B…"
"Drink! You don't have Trent, Wesley, Dave and Paul who obviously take care of you, so Bella and I are going to have do it. From now on, you eat ALL meals here. The three of us will do ALL your physical therapy together. Dalton work day begins at 9AM and ends at 5PM. Bella goes to bed at 7:30, you will be here for song time. Once she's down, we'll work for 2 hours on your K notebook, Monday-Thursday…not Star Wars Movie Night or Weekends. Then you will go to your steam shower, or my soaker tub and then straight to sleep. Finally, if quarantine is over, and we still haven't solved the mystery of K, I'm not going anywhere. Not until you have your answers."
"B…"
"Drink!"
"It's gone"
"Ok. I didn't plan that well. I was going to have you drinking the smoothie while I sang but I guess you're just going to have to sit there and shut up."
"You're singing me a bedtime song?"
"Yes, and what's the rule?"
"Shit here and shut up."
"Good boy"
It's not simple to say
Most days I don't recognize me
Sebastian didn't say anything but he sat straight up. It was K's weird pie song. Blaine knew which one he was talking about.
These shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave 'em
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used to be
Although it's true
I was never attention sweet center
I still remember that boy
He's imperfect but he tries
He is good but he lies
He is hard on himself
He is broken and won't ask for help
He is messy but he's kind
He is lonely most of the time
He is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
He is gone but he used to be mine
This was why he and Trent called this the weird song. When he heard it in his head, he heard the male…the he. The way Blaine was singing it. They didn't know it was written in the female…the she. It's why when they found the recording, they were confused but couldn't find it as he. Yet, here was Blaine singing K's version and Sebastian hadn't mentioned the gender change.
It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person
And makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over
And rewrite an ending or two
For the boy that I knew
Sebastian didn't remember the words to the song. The notebook had been in a drawer for months but Blaine was in tears and he could feel the emotion in every word.
Who be reckless just enough
Who can hurt but
Who learns how to toughen up when he's bruised
And gets used by a man who can't love
That explains a lot
And then he'll get stuck and be scared
Of the light that's inside him
Growing stronger each day
'Til it finally reminds him
To fight just a little
To bring back the fire in his eyes
That's been gone but it used to be mine
Used to be mine
He is messy but he's kind
He is lonely most of the time
He is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
He is gone but he used to be mine
They sat a minute before Blaine put the guitar away, turned off the lights, crawled under the covers and turned on his side to face Sebastian. "Just because I don't regret my life doesn't mean sometimes I don't miss Blaine Warbler."
"Then you're an idiot."
"Thanks a lot."
"No, I mean you're an idiot because I see Blaine Warbler every day. Smart as a whip, perfect pitch, picks up lyrics quickly, superhero and Star Wars nerd, ridiculously curly hair, likes to climb on things, looks at me like I've grown another head if I've said something stupid…3 feet tall, can't say her fl 's, has a kitten who I'm pretty sure thinks he's a puppy."
Blaine snorted out a chuckle "Bella?"
"You might not be Blaine Warbler anymore but you sure as hell are raising Blaine Warbler" Sebastian managed to say through a yawn. "And I think that's pretty awesome."
"She thinks your pretty awesome. But can I ask one last question?"
"Yes, 16 year-old Sebastian went commando under his Dalton uniform."
"Not that, but thanks for the image before I go to sleep. Why won't you let me call you Seb?"
"It doesn't feel right."
"But Sebastian doesn't feel right to me. So, not Seb. Seb…bas…bas. What about Bas?"
Sebastian smiled as his eyes fluttered shut. "Yes, Bas. Bas feels right."
Notes:
Even while under canon brainwashing, I was very upset with the Klaine wedding because it wasn't an actual wedding (their part/ Brittana all good). They couldn't have had a license, the piece of paper Blaine OBSESSED over for 2 ½ seasons. The whole reason he asked Kurt to marry him while he was still in high school was because he was so excited they could (as LGBTQ citizens) LEGALLY HAVE THAT PIECE OF PAPER. Glee could have easily mentioned later how Klaine got a license and then went with Rachel and Sam to a justice of the peace to make it official. But since they didn't, they left that huge plot hole open for me. Thanks.
I promise I will explain how Klaine went 5 years without getting married soon (easier than you think) but this chapter was already longer than normal after being cut several times.
She Used to Be Mine: Bareilles, Sara 2015
When writing this I listened to the Jeremy Jordon version from MisCast 2018 on a loop. Since it is MisCast, he does not change gender. I did for story purposes.