(Or, "The Village Creep-ple!")
"WELL TODAY HAS CERTAINLY BEEN A LOT OF FUN FOR ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE! THEY SIGNED UP FOR A ROLLER DISCO SKATING CONTEST, BUT SO DID BORIS AND NATASHA. THANKFULLY, OUR HEROES WERE ABLE TO SURVIVE THE FIRST ROUND, AND NEXT UP WAS THE COUPLE'S/DUO SKATING."
"We're totally gonna crush the competition, buddy!" Bullwinkle spoke to Rocky.
"Yeah, but remember, it's all about having fun, even if we don't win we should be glad we came." Rocky replied.
"Uh-huh!" Bullwinkle smiled.
"NEXT UP, IT WAS BORIS AND NATASHA'S TURN. THEY WERE BOTH DRESSED IN SPARKLY LEOTARDS, AND BOTH HE AND NATASHA WORE AN USHANKA ON THEIR HEADS. WELL, SINCE THEY'RE UP, I'LL LET THEIR MOVES DO THE TALKIN'."
"Ve vould like to perform routine from Old Country..." Natasha smiled, explaining to the crowd. She then turned to the DJ and yelled;
"HEET EHT!"
(*"Rasputin" by Boney M plays*)
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey"
Boris and Natasha tossed their ushankas off, rolled to the middle of the rink, then started to do the Hopak, or that Russian squat-dance-thing, exclaiming along to the music. Then they started to bob their heads as the music picked up.
"There lived a certain man in Russia long ago
He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow"
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear"
Boris did the crab walk from side to side while Natasha skated with one leg in the air, then stood up much like an ice skater, then leapt into the air, spinning. Once she landed, she skated over to Boris and the two held hands and started spinning around the rink.
"Wow." Bullwinkle replied. "You've gotta admit Ron's pretty good!"
"He could preach the Bible like a preacher
Full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire"
The force of their spinning created such a flurry of sparks that a random neon sign lit up, and showed a image of the Pottsylvania flag, then a sign that read "EAT AT IGOR'S".
"Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on"
Once they were finished, Natasha jumped at Boris and Boris lifted Natasha high into the air above his head.
"THE CROWDS CHEERED RIOTOUSLY..."
"Yay."
"Dat vas great, dollink!" Natasha replied as Boris placed her down.
"Da, I'm havink time of my life..." Boris replied. "And I owe eet all to ju, Natasha! Now les' go sabotage moose and sqvirrel..."
"NEXT UP WAS ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE. THEY WERE BOTH WEARING MATCHING DISCO LEISURE SUITS, BUT BULLWINKLE INSISTED ON WEARING A MASSIVE AFRO. AS THEY WALKED OUT, THE DJ IMMEDIATELY STARTED THE SONG, AND BORIS AND NATASHA PREPARED TO "KEEL" ONCE AGAIN."
(*"Let's Groove" by Earth, Wind and Fire plays*)
"Let's groove tonight
Share the spice of life
Baby slice it right
We gonna groove tonight"
The lights immediately went down as Rocky and Bullwinkle did their dance. The floor tiles instantly illuminated, and Rocky twirled Bullwinkle around, dipping him and then pointed his finger high into the air, along with Bullwinkle.
"Ees time for action..." Boris whispered as he and Natasha snuck closer to the dance floor.
"Let this groove, get you to move,
It's alright, alright, alright
Let this groove, set in your shoes,
So stand up, alright, alright"
Natasha then managed to take control of the disco ball, re-wiring it to shoot lasers. The lasers fired from the disco ball, but they only made Rocky and Bullwinkle look even cooler as they did the bump together.
"RASKOLNIKOV!" Boris exclaimed. "Dey only be lookink ewen cooler!"
"Gonna tell you what you can do
With my love, alright
Let you know girl you're looking good
You're out of sight, alright"
Rocky went through Bullwinkle's legs and vice-versa just as Boris and Natasha were preparing their next evil plot.
"Just move yourself and glide like a 747
And lose yourself in the sky
Among the clouds in the heavens"
Rocky and Bullwinkle, despite the threat of Boris and Natasha, still didn't notice they were there...
"BATTER UHP, NATASHA!" Boris tossed a bomb with a lit fuse into the air.
(*brief "Charge!" baseball organ*)
Natasha hit multiple bombs with a baseball bat she'd suddenly obtained, but they were all home-runs, and didn't hit neither Bullwinkle nor Rocky.
"Let this groove, light up your fuse
It's alright, alright, alright
Let this groove, set in your shoes
So stand up, alright, alright"
Both Rocky and Bullwinkle swung their arms from side to side in unison, then began skating backwards!
"Great job, buddy!" Bullwinkle replied. "Now watch this!"
Bullwinkle then did a flip out of his skates into the air, then landed with both his hands inside the skates, doing a sort of handstand before flipping again and placing his feet back into the skates.
"WOW!" Rocky replied, there appeared to be stars in his eyes. "That was so cool!"
Boris and Natasha didn't think it was cool, however...
"Let me tell you what you can do
With my love, alright"
Bullwinkle then started doing the running man while on his skates, then after that, he did a handstand!
"Okey..." Boris held out a ginormous machine gun, whispering to Natasha. "Ju know vat ve be doink..."
"HEY!" An employee at the skating rink hollered. "What're you two up to?"
"Uh, ve just techneecian!" Boris chuckled awkwardly. "Please to be leavink us alone...ve need to be hookink vires, young man.."
"Okay!" The employee replied, shrugging his shoulders.
"Gotta let you know girl you're looking good
You're out of sight, alright
Just tell the DJ to play your favorite tune
Then you know it's okay
What you found is happening now
Let this groove, light up your fuse
It's alright, alright, alright
Let this groove, set in your shoes
So stand up, alright, alright
You will find peace of mind on the floor
Take a little time, come and see, you and me"
Rocky and Bullwinkle then began spinning around, holding each other's hands. While they spun, Boris and Natasha tried firing machine guns at them, but they must've had horrible aim, for they missed every chance they got, instead they ended up destroying Bullwinkle's afro.
"Pssh, shouldn't have bought a cheap fro'..." Bullwinkle tossed it away, the afro covering Boris' face.
"Make a little sign, I'll be there after a while
If you want my love
We can boogie—"
Bullwinkle then did the splits and held Rocky high into the air as Natasha and Boris' bombs exploded behind them, looking more like fireworks than average explosives.
"on down, down, down, down
Let's groove tonight
Share the spice of life
Baby slice it right
We're gonna groove tonight"
"PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE CHEERED WHEN ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE WO—HEY!"
(*pencil erasing noises.*)
"WHAT'RE YOU TWO DOIN'?" The narrator asked, noticing that Boris and Natasha were starting to erase Rocky's name from the judge's clipboard.
"De only ting ve can do!" Boris replied.
"Wait, that's illegal! You're CHEATING! That's right--YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF CONNIVING, INCORRIGIBLE, SELFISH, NEFARIOUS, LOW-BROW, SLEAZY, DEVIOUS, DISGUSTING SCUM OF THE EARTH CHEATERS!" The narrator hollered.
"Vow..." Boris gasped in shock, his cheeks blushing. "Zat vas BEAUTIFUL!!! Ju have SUCH vay vit' vords!"
"I VANNA HAVINK YOU BAYBEE!" Natasha exclaimed, but Boris smacked her.
"You forgettink me?!" Boris replied.
"Oh, da, dollink. Sorry...I steel love ju." Natasha replied, rubbing the side of her face. "I kees..." Natasha immediately kissed Boris.
"OKAY, WELL ANYWAY, IT APPEARS AS THOUGH BORIS AND NATASHA NOW HAVE AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE ON THEIR SIDE! WILL THEY WIN? WILL JUSTICE PREVAIL? Will they go for burgers after this--cause I'm starvin'! FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EPISODE, "One Nation Under A Groove", OR "The Dictator of Dance!"!"