CHAPTER SIX: DESPAIR

"And after that, I just traveled to Felon's forest and warned him. That is after I took a bath first. Then I came back here. It was so late that I slept by the Man Path and came here tonight."

The other senior males and his family were all looking at him in amazement as he told them what happened. After dark, he walked on the meadow as if nothing had happened. The way the other deer looked at him, they seemed amazed he was still alive. He found Bambi, his father, and the others and told them what happened to him trying to leave nothing out. He could see his mother and her two fawns were there and she had a smile on her face. Even Stabo was smiling and he had seldom seen that.

"That was some adventure," the herd leader told him. "You did what was necessary and managed to escape Man and his dogs. You warned Uttral and the others. You even made friends with the bear. You are as wise, brave, and maybe crazy as your grandfather. You have proven to us our time was not wasted when we trained you."

"Maybe that is why Man left early this morning," Stabo added. "They did not find what they were looking for."

Behind him stood his three doe standing nervously since they seldom were close to the senior males and the herd leader. They looked frightened at his story, especially when he met the bear.

"It was almost like the tales Stranger use to tell," Marcor said with a grin.

"I know, he is starting to sound very much like Stranger," Bambi added. "I think he is ready. What do you think, Stabo?"

"I agree, this shows he has learned well enough," the old deer answered.

He wondered just what the herd leader was talking about. That was twice he said that to him.

"Marcor, Relnor, what do you think?" Bambi asked.

Relnor walked up and looked deep into his eyes like Stabo and his mother would at times. "Yes," he said calmly. "When you talked to Stranger, there was always a light in his eyes, no matter how sick he became. This one has the light. You are right, he is ready."

Marcor just nodded his approval. At this point, he noticed Toradas was looking at the other in bewilderment. He had no idea what they were talking about either.

"Helos, Juon?" Bambi called upon next.

"No need to ask me," his father said.

"Yes," Juon said simply.

"Toradas, what do you think?" Bambi asked.

"Think," the senior male barked out. "Think about what? I have no idea what you are talking about."

"That does not surprise me," Stabo said loud enough so everyone heard him.

"Very well, I will make myself plain," Bambi said as if explaining to a fawn. "With what he has done, and the training we have given him, I think Stafen should join the senior males."

There was general agreement from everyone except Toradas whose turned his head sharply and glared at the herd leader.

"What!" he called out. "Make this young whelp a senior male?" he asked. "NO!" he shouted. "He is not worthy to be in our group."

"I disagree," Bambi said with an edge on his voice. "He is certainly worth more than you."

"Toradas swung around to face the herd leader and lowered his rack."How dare you say that to me," he said.

"He says it because it is the truth," Stabo replied.

He looked closely at Toradas. He was getting mad and was getting mad at him. Toradas spun around again to face him. "You think you are better than me," he growled. 'Well prove it. Toradas yelled.

The senior male put his head down and charged him. He was mad now. In a flash, he knew he could swing his back legs around and trip him, but he decided not to. Toradas was older and bigger than him and likely stronger, but then so were Bambi and Stabo when they practiced with him. Toradas also knew some of his fighting methods. As Bambi always told him it was not strength that counted in a fight. He dropped his head and braced his rear legs and leaped forward. They hit head-on and it was jarring but no worse than getting hit hard by Bambi. He shrugged it off and pushed forward.

Toradas saw he was standing there firmly. The senior male thought he was going to make this a test of strength, a test where Toradas had the advantage. So Toradas planted his rear legs firmly and lunged forward with all his might to push him back. As the bigger deer pushed, he suddenly backed up half a step and replanted his legs. Toradas fell forward knocking himself off-balance. At that moment he threw all his weight forward and kept pushing. His push caught Toradas in with his legs not planted. The impact sent Toradas backward and the power he put in his charge did not give the big deer a chance to replant his legs and push back. He threw Toradas back at least three full-lengths before he broke off and pulled back leaving the senior male stunned for a moment.

"What is the matter, senior male, is the young whelp too much for you," he taunted.

His insult had the desired effect. Toradas completely lost his head. He could see in his face. This deer was not ready to fight him; this deer was ready to kill him.

He lowered his head and came on to him in a full charge. He lowered his head as if to meet it, but at the last moment leaped aside and let Toradas fly by him. As he did, he let his felt-covered rack dig into the flank of the enraged deer as he rushed by. If his rack was out of velvet, he could have cut his side wide open, but as it was, he left several long welts on his right flank.

Toradas stopped and grimaced in pain, but he was not going to let him recover. He charged and hit the big deer before he could fully turn around. He caught him full in the left shoulder knocking him back. He did not let up. He drove his rack in deeper knocking the bigger deer down and driving his body into the dirt. He only pulled back for a second to raise his front legs and pound Toradas with his hoofs. He did not use his full power, so he only cut into his flank instead of gutting him. Blood came out of his flank and the big deer was down and beaten.

"You know why I am a senior male," he grunted. "I am a senior male because I am smarter than you and I know what to do to help the herd. You are worthless. Go back to the herd males. It is you who does not deserve to be here," he told him and then kicked him in the side to drive home his point.

He then pulled back and watched the now-former senior male slowly get up and limp off the meadow. He stood there until he disappeared among the trees. Once satisfied he was gone, he turned around and trotted back to the senior male group. All the fatigue he had in his body vanished. He felt wide awake and ready to take on anything. As he got back to the others, Marcor stepped out.

"That is one way to prove your point," he said and rubbed his forehead.

His mother and his younger brother and sister ran up and started to kiss him. His three doe followed. Bambi and Stabo said nothing and just nodded.

He was a senior male in the Man Path herd.

Nothing much happened for the rest of the summer and into fall except he continued to grow his rack. By now he was well fed on grass and berries when they appeared. He saw no more of Toradas on the meadow, but others told him he was still living in the forest. There was one good thing; no one else questioned his joining the senior males. At his father's stern advice, he spent most of the time listening except when the herd leader asked him to do things, as he asked the other senior males too.

It was near the first cool morning that he noticed a terrible itching in his rack. He had felt the same thing last season, but it wasn't nearly so bad. His father showed him how to scrape the velvet off his rack to show their dull white color. It hurt to scrape off the velvet, but he soon had a nice clean rack. His mother told him it was not as big as his father's but it was more than respectable, especially after he wiped the ground with Toradas.

Another thing he noticed as the days got shorter; he noticed he was becoming more agitated, especially about any males around his doe. Last season he felt nothing like this. He asked his Uncle Stabo and he explained at this time of The Season, doe started to emit an odor that will attract males. It made males more protective of their doe. He said soon the herd would break up until after The Season. He also started to see fighting in the meadow. The herd males and even some of the senior males were claiming their right to pick their doe. He did not care. He still had his three doe and they seemed interested in no one except him.

As soon as it became obvious The Season was upon them, Bambi called them all the senior males together. One other thing came with The Season, and that was Man and his killing sticks. What would the herd do to avoid Man this time?

Bambi spoke first. "As soon as Man is back in his cave, I will call the herd together and we will again go back deep into the woods. We must not allow Man to get behind us and force us onto the meadow."

"Sometimes Man hunts in the forest himself," Stabo added. He tries to sneak up on a deer and then use his killing stick."

"What about Men from the other Man cave that is deeper in the forest?" he asked.

"Those Men only hunt near there," Stabo answered. "They have never come this far and neither have their dogs."

"There is another thing," Juon added. "We can avoid Man, we cannot avoid his dogs. They can smell us wherever we go."

"That is why when Man comes we must get deep into the forest as quickly as we can," Bambi told them. "That is the only way to protect us from dogs."

"Can we scatter and send some deer into the old forest," Relnor said. "Man is powerful but he can only chase us one at a time."

"Stafen?" Bambi asked.

"No," he said shaking his head. "It is still too open in the forest. You can see a deer many lengths away. Your only chance to hide there is near the very tops of the hills, but if we are found, then the only place we can run is either down to the meadow or into the open grasses past the tops of the hills."

"That is death for sure in either case," Stabo said.

Bambi just nodded his agreement. "So we flee into the deep forest and hope we get far enough away and fast enough so Man and his dogs do not find us."

"I cannot see a better way," Stabo said.

"Nor can I," his father agreed.

All the deer turned to him as if they expected him to say something. "You all know more about this than I do," he admitted. "I will listen to you."

It wasn't much of a plan, but it was better than nothing. He only hoped it worked.

Over the next few mornings, he felt increasing urges around his doe. Approaches by males to his doe he would not have bothered with before, he acted quickly against the intruder, chasing him out at a run. He was also feeling increasingly anxious around even his father and the other senior males. They were becoming more of an annoyance. Again, it was Stabo who saw him and how agitated he was getting and explained this was just part of The Season. It would pass quickly and things would be fine again.

Finally, after one talk where they stood several lengths apart just because they could not stand being closer to each other, Bambi just raised his head.

"It is time, we will all get together after The Season," he said. Then he turned to him. "Enjoy those three doe he said with a smile."

He thought it was an insult, but the way the others smiled made him nod his head. He turned to face his doe and call them over. They went toward their bedding place. Fortunately for the other males, no one tried to interfere with him.

He led them back to the bedding area and then looked around for the sign of any male deer. There were none.

"Here is where we will stay until after The Season," he told them. "This is the first season I have ever bred a doe, but I can see you like being with me. You have been with me for a long while. I like all of you and I like being with you. I will tell you I want all of you to have my fawns in the spring. If any of you feel differently, you can go. I will not force anyone to do this."

"Dala came up and nuzzled him on his nose and then kissed him softly with her tongue."I want to have your fawn," she said gently. "You are big, powerful, and any fawn you make with me will be the same. I want you."

Allia came to him after first sniffing at his tail. "I can smell you want us," she said. "Like Dala, I want you and I want your fawn. I want to breed you."

"And I want to breed you too," Nalene said. "I just never did it before."

"Then we will all find out together," he said and lay down. His doe lay especially close to him.

When the time came there was nothing much to tell. For two days he kept his doe close to him and sniffed them often. He could smell them, but something inside him told him they were not ready. Then one morning, Dala got up and walked over away from the others. She then emptied some waste on the ground. He smelled it and again something inside him told him she was ready. She walked away slowly for a while and then suddenly stopped and arched her back. As he climbed on top of her he felt his whole insides ready to explode. After coupling with her for a little while, it felt like all of his insides exploded into her. He fell off her back feeling like Bambi kicked him in the chest.

Later on that day they repeated their actions and then just as suddenly as it came, the scent went away. Dala had become a bred doe. Later she wandered off into the forest, but not far away. The next day it was Nalene that came into season. He coupled with her twice with the same results. It was two days after that Allia came into season. He coupled with her three times before her scent disappeared. He had three well-bred doe as his father would joke sometime with the other males. He also felt more exhausted than when Bambi and Stabo threw him all over the ground earlier in the season, but despite his fatigue, he felt content inside.

By now they had eaten most of the grass near their bedding place so the next night he cautiously went back to the meadow. There were some deer back on the meadow. Some males and doe were still together. Other than tired, he felt back to normal. The feeling of agitation had vanished and he felt at home on the meadow again. They ate their fill and drank from the small stream and well before the greater light appeared, they went back to their place.

The next night he saw his father and mother on the meadow. He walked over toward them. As he did his mother walked away and called to his doe to follow her. As she left he could smell the same scent that came from his doe. His mother and father had also answered the call of The Season as he did.

"Did your Season go well, my son?" his father asked.

"Yes Father, I did well. I think my three doe will have my fawns in the spring."

"It is good," his father answered. "It is good to have children. It will leave your mark on the forest long after you are gone. Also, it is a great joy to watch your children grow up and take their place in the herd as you have done. My Son, your mother, and I are proud of you."

He bowed his head and walked close to his father. "Thank you, Father," he said loud enough so it was heard by his mother and doe. "I am proud to hear that and proud that I am your son." Then he looked around to make sure no one could overhear them. Then said quietly near his father's ear. "It was tiring, however."

His father whispered back. "With three doe, I am not surprised."

Both laughed loudly. A short time later he heard his mother and doe laugh. It was nice to have a happy family.

That happiness lasted exactly two more days when loud noises woke them just after they lay down for the day. There were several roaring noises, and the burnt smell filled his nose. He did not like it. He remembered the smell came from Man animals. Sure enough, several Man animals moved on the meadow and to the Man cave. He heard a lot of noise and the sound of many men. The bad part of The Season was starting.

"Listen," he whispered to his doe and then strained his ears.

There were crashing noises and loud voices of Man. Later on, there were banging noises coming from the meadow. He knew many Men were there, and at this time of the season, they would be there to hunt deer. As the day continued he could hear more Man animals come and more men. There must be many of them, but he did not hear two things. The first was Man was not coming into the forest but staying on the meadow. The second was there was no barking. Man had no dogs. With the wind blowing on his side, it would be hard for Man to hear or smell them. He felt safe as long as no dogs were with them.

His doe looked scared and he just nuzzled each one to reassure them. From his training, he knew what to do.

"We will wait here as still as possible until night. Then we will slowly make our way over to where the herd leader will be. We will be safe there. In the meantime, do not get up unless you have to, and do not speak loudly."

"I am frightened Stafen," Nalene said. "I think we should run now."

"No," he told them. "If we get up and run, Man might hear us and use his killing stick. He cannot see well in the dark. We will leave then. Just lie down and try to sleep."

The last part was impossible with all the noise on the meadow. The clanging noises went on all day only stopping late in the day. Once it was fully dark, he got up and had the doe and himself empty their insides here as not to lead Man with their scent. Then he slowly led them away toward the place in the forest, he knew Bambi and the other would be waiting.

At first, they walked quietly, even Nalene was careful. As he got further away, he went faster until they almost left at a run. It was well after the lesser light rose that he found the others.

"Did you see anything?" Bambi asked.

"No, it was day and I did not want to get closer to Man," he reported calmly. "I did hear much noise and many Man animals so many Men are there. I also did not hear any dogs."

Bambi looked relieved at that news. "Good, so they won't try to run us down. Stabo and your father are watching the Man from a hiding place they can see them. I am waiting for them."

"I think we should gather the herd," he suggested.

"I wanted to wait until Stabo and your father returned, but it is getting late. I will call the herd now. It will take time for them to get here.

Bambi walked away from them and started to bellow loudly. "HERE! All come here."

He did this three more times. By now the other senior males were present but other than Juon, they were useless. He was thinking himself and trying to remember what Stabo taught him about Man hunts. A short while later Stabo and his father returned. They looked out of breath as if they had run for a while. After a few moments, Stabo spoke up.

"There are many of them. They have put other small Man caves up along the side of the meadow at the bottom of the hill we use to live on. Stranger taught me that when Man does that, it means many Men will go deep into the forest early in the morning. They will then make a lot of noise and try to chase deer out to the meadow where other Men with killing sticks will wait for them. The only way to avoid this is to get the herd far enough into the forest so Man cannot get behind us."

"Yes, I remember that from my father and grandfather," the herd leader said. "It is getting late; we all need to leave soon."

"Yes," his father said. "We need to leave now."

By now the herd had gathered near them. Bambi turned and spoke loudly. "We need to go deep into the forest. We need to leave now. Everyone has to go or Man will chase us into the meadow and kill us."

"Come with us," his father called out and started to go deep into the forest.

Bambi then walked over to him. "I need one or two deer to stay behind and make sure no one is left. You are and Juon are our fastest deer I want you two to stay here and look for any deer. Keep your ears open. Do not let the Men chase you into the meadow."

He nodded his approval. "I will do as the herd leader asks me. Just watch out for my doe."

Bambi smiled and nuzzled his forehead. "Do your best senior male. Go with Juon near the place the Man Path enters the meadow. I will do the best I can for your doe."

He left and went back to his doe and explained what they should do. Nalene objected strongly.

"No, there is danger; you need to come with us. You should protect us."

"I must help the herd or many deer will die," he explained. "I want you to go with the herd leader. He will protect you and lead you to safety."

He could see Nalene was not convinced and the other two looked doubtful.

"Things will be fine, I will see you later," he told them and then ran off to find Juon.

He turned to leave and as he did he caught a glimpse of Toradas looking at him from behind some trees. There was a deer Man could kill as far as he cared. Juon and he went to the edge of the forest and lay down still inside the trees.

"We can watch better from here," Juon said pointing his nose at the Man caves. "As soon as we see Man stirring we will run back into the forest and look closely for other deer, especially the fawns and yearlings. They do not know any better and Man has been known to kill young deer at times. Tell them to run into the deep forest, but keep your ears open so Man does not get behind you. As soon as Man gets close, stop what you are doing just run into the forest as fast as you can. I will go to the center of the forest. You stay on this side near the Man Path. Understand young male?"

"I understand, Juon, I am here to help," he told him.

"I know," the deer said rubbing his side. "You are not my son, but I like to think of you as mine. The sons I have show no interest in helping the herd or even to become senior males, then again, none are as big as you at your age."

They both waiting quietly as the greater light came from the sky. He started to hear voices from the Man caves. Soon a Man came out of the Man cave.

"That is it," Juon said, "Now go and good luck."

He leaped off staying close to the Man Path keeping his eyes open for any deer. He moved quickly around the forest. He found two yearlings and showed them where to run. He saw no adult deer so the rest must have left. He kept looking for a while when he heard the noise of Man coming into the forest. Man is not quiet. He knew it was time to go. He moved faster than Man, but he still kept looking for other deer. He heard a bleating near him and he ran to it. There was a doe fawn standing alone.

"Mother," it called out.

"Come with me," he told the fawn, I will take you to your mother."

The fawn ran after him and he just continued into the forest. Sometime later he heard behind him.

"YYYOOOOOOHHHHAAAAHHHHEEEEY," Man called out over and over. There was also banging of some sort. They were behind him. He also knew that there were few if any deer behind him now. Man would have a hard time chasing what is not there.

He kept moving with the fawn behind him until he looked out and started to smell the fresh signs of deer.

He bleated out to let the others know it was him. He heard a low bleat in return. It sounded like Stabo. He ran toward the sound and soon found the big deer alone.

"Good work," Stabo said looking at the fawn behind him. He pointed to the fawn. "Go this way and you will find your mother," he said.

"KAAAABBBAAANG" echoed through the forest, followed quickly by two more blasts.

"Someone did not listen," he muttered.

"Nothing we can do about that," Stabo said looking at where the blasts came from. "Let us join the others."

He followed Stabo back to the other senior males and there remained where they were until the noise of killing sticks stopped. While waiting he went looking for his doe but they were not there. No matter where he looked, he did not find them.

"They were with me, but when we got deeper in the forest the herd split up and I lost sight of them," Bambi told him.

Other deer he asked had not seen them either. For the next day, he searched while noises came from the meadow. The day after that it was quiet again. The only thing he could think of was that for some reason they went back to his bedding area. As soon as he felt safe, he slowly made his way back there. He went very carefully and took his time before he got there. There he saw Allia and Dala, but Nalene was gone. He approached while they were sleeping.

"Where is Nalene?" he asked.

He surprised them. Both doe shot to their feet and looked at him. Allia looked angrily at him.

"Where is Nalene?" he repeated.

"My sister is gone," Allia spat out. "You and Bambi were going to protect us, but you did not."

He was utterly bewildered. He had led them away. Why did they come back? "Why are you here, I left you with Bambi?"

"Bambi was too busy to watch us and you cared more about the herd than us," Allia continued to berate him. "Toradas came up when no one was looking and told us he was going to kill us because of what you did to him. He kicked me and went to lower his head. We all ran away. We all called out, but no one came to help. Toradas chased toward the meadow. We ran and we ran until we were exhausted. We ran to the meadow, but Dala and I remembered what you told us. We stopped while we were still in the trees. Nalene was so scared she ran out into the meadow. Man struck her with his killing stick."

He could not believe what he was hearing, yet the way his doe looked at him, he could not doubt their word. His rear legs gave out and he sat on the ground. He could not believe it.

"Nalene is gone," he repeated.

"Yes, my sister is gone," Allia continued to fume "You were supposed to protect us, but you cared more about your herd than us and so now she is dead and Toradas wants to kill us. We are hiding from him."

"I will take care of Toradas," he growled and stood up. He looked at his doe. "Come with me," he ordered.

"He will kill us," Dala said.

"No he will not," he said and walked away to where he knew Bambi and the others would be. The doe did not move. He had no time for this.

"COME WITH ME!" he shouted at them and they slowly followed him back to where the herd would be. He found Juon first with his father.

"Stafen," what happened?" his father said after taking one look at his face.

"Have you seen Toradas," he said slowly.

"No," his father told him. "I have not seen him since you beat him, why."

"You will find out," he said. "Where is Bambi? He needs to hear this."

"Near his clearing," his father said. "Stafen, what happened, you look like you are ready to kill something."

"You are right father," he said and walked off. Now all of them were following him. He came to the small clearing and there stood Bambi, Galene, and her two fawns. There were other deer nearby. They all looked up surprised at their guests.

He looked at his doe. "Tell him," he grunted. "Tell the herd leader what you told me."

The two doe told everyone there. They all looked horrified. He let them finish before he called out.

"Has anyone seen Toradas," he asked loudly.

"I saw him back in the deep forest where we ran too," one of the herd males said.

"Thank you," he said and turned to Bambi. "I am going to leave my doe with you. Watch them this time," he shouted and bounded off.

"Stafen, wait!" he heard his father call out and with several others. He was not waiting. He moved on asking every deer he saw where Toradas was. Finally, he found out that Toradas had not gone back with the others. He used his nose and smelled around. He caught bits of his scent, but he did not find him. After he had gone almost back almost to the mound they hid on before, it was there he caught the scent. He followed the scent off. It soon led him to a place of thick brush. Rather than walk ahead with the wind at his tail, he changed his path to walk around the scent to approach from crosswind of him. That meant that neither he nor Toradas would have an advantage in hearing or smelling each other. He slowly moved forward. As he went forward he could hear something up ahead. It was well after night when he picked up his scent. He was near; he took a sniff of the air and knew he was close. He crept until he heard bushes moving in front of him. He stopped and took several deep breaths

"Stafen," he heard his uncles call out in the distance.

He heard the bushes starting to move faster. Toradas heard his uncle's call too. He would not wait. He charged ahead and came out in a little clearing to the side of Toradas. Without hesitation, he charged. Toradas barely had time to turn and meet him. It did no good. His rage gave him strength. He hit Toradas in his rack. The impact sent the former senior male hurdling backward several lengths into a tree. The heavy impact stunned Toradas for a moment. His rage returned and felt nothing except the desire to rip that deer apart. His training told him exactly what to do.

"Stafen," I can explain," the deer tried to cough out.

He was no longer going to listen. "Explain this!" he shouted and kicked with his front hoof. Normally he hit with the top of his hood so it would not cut into the flesh. Now he turned his hard hoof so the sharp end pointed up and out. He felt his hoof hit, and bite into the neck deeply. He brought his hoof out. Instantly a shower of blood gushed from Toradas' neck as he tore it open.

"IIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," the wounded deer scream in panic. He came down and then plunged headfirst into his open chest. He felt two of his point go deep into Toradas' chest causing more blood to flow out. Then he pulled back and slashed the same flank he did before, only this time he went in deeply with his whole rack tearing it open. Toradas collapsed to the ground. Then he lifted himself up and started to pound the bleeding flank with his front hoofs as hard as he could. He could not remember how many times he pounded him before he stopped. Toradas was certainly not moving.

"That is the last time you hurt one of my doe," he said with satisfaction.

He walked out of the small clearing and toward the way he came. He immediately ran into his uncle.

"What happened to you," Stabo yelled. "You are covered in blood."

"It is not my blood, Uncle," he said with satisfaction.

At that moment Bambi, his two doe, and his father came up to him. All look horrified. "That male will never hurt another doe again," he said breathing heavy. "If Uttral was nearby, I let her have what is left of him."

He then looked at his two doe. "You do not have to worry, that male will never hurt anyone again."

"But my sister is still dead," Allia shouted at him. "She is dead because you cared more for your herd than us." By now she was breathing as heavy as he was. "You think this makes it right. If you had not been so eager to help, she would be alive now. I thought you cared about us. I was wrong. I never want to see you again Stafen. I no longer want you. I do not even want to raise your fawn. Stay away from ME!" she screamed and then turned around and ran back toward the meadow.

He just stood there mouth open not knowing what to say. He looked at Dala who just spoke in a normal tone.

"I will raise your fawn, Stafen, but Allia is right, you do care more about this herd than us, Goodbye, Stafen."

With that, she also turned and slowly sank away leaving him alone.

Bambi walked up to him slowly. "I am not going to say I approved of what you have done. I am sorry this has caused trouble between you and your mates. I am truly sorry I did not prevent what has happened. This is partly my fault so I will not blame you for what you have done. For now, go to the spring and wash yourself off. You look hideous covered in Toradas' blood."

With that Bambi and the other senior male left him standing in the forest.

Never in his life had he felt so much alone.