By the time they've made it to the town that is most definitely not a power plant, they're both practically dead.
It's amazing how quickly the vacant terrain shifts back into civilized life, where the streets are not made out of dirt and there are buildings with sweet-tasting air conditioning inside.
They let themselves into the first restaurant that miraculously still has its lights on, and eat their fill of meat pies in silence. And Haru most definitely keeps his annoyance to himself when it turns out that Sousuke's wallet is back in the trunk of the car. So Haru pays for both of their meals himself, even though he doesn't believe Sousuke deserves it, especially since he ate twice the amount of food Haru did.
They don't talk about it. Neither do they talk about the fact that Haru's going to have to pay for rooms for them to stay in at the motel they find in town too. Then of course, trying to book the rooms is a nightmare, because neither of them speaks English.
It's barely a transaction, and it takes at least another hour. Then there's the matter of trying to explain to the lady at the counter that they need to borrow a phone, and where even are they, but of course, goddammit, Sousuke doesn't even have Rin's phone number memorized. Neither does Haru, but he's not going to pin that one on himself. So they fuck that one too, and ask where they can find a phone charger instead.
Jesus.
Because the problem with that is, the outlets in Australia are different, which means the standard phone chargers that the motel even does have aren't going to work for Sousuke's phone, and they'll have to wait until the electronic store opens in the morning to get what they need.
By this point, Sousuke is pissed, and Haru's well past had enough of him. So they take their leave from the front desk with one room key.
They tried for two, they really did, especially Haru, because he already can't stand the thought of spending a whole night with just Sousuke around, and to have to be in the same room is surely going to give him hives. Sousuke probably snores like a mountain troll. But they, for whatever reason, couldn't get it effectively communicated at the front desk that they absolutely cannot share, and she kept insisting that they have to, because one is all they have ready this late.
Haru literally prays on their way to the room that this isn't another same-bed nightmare that he had to endure with Rin, who, at this point, he would much rather be stuck with. He would literally take anyone else right now, even goddamn Kisumi, and that should speak enough volumes on its own.
He is tired. He is dirty. No amount of guzzling down glasses of ice water at the restaurant had quenched his thirst or cooled him down, and he knows it's because his very needy body is dehydrated after having gone this long without at least soaking in the bath. And his headache is now pulsing more intensely in his temple than it had all night.
He's done with Sousuke. They had their moment. They had their laugh. But that apparently is going to be it for the next lifetime, because as soon as they're free of this nightmare, Haru wants nothing more to do with him ever again.
They find the room. He opens the door. And then he literally sighs with relief at the sight of two neatly made beds.
They close themselves in the room, and Haru heads straight for the bathroom. He doesn't bother to close the door, nor does he take a moment to scrutinize the size of the tub. He just throws the curtain back, drops to his knees, and sticks his head under the faucet the moment the water starts running.
He groans, shoulders dropping as a weight is lifted graciously from his back. Getting his hair wet has never felt so relieving in his life.
The way he's bent over the side of the tub is awkward, and not exactly comfortable, but he stays draped there for an incredibly long while, dangerously close to falling asleep even. But he's aware that the rest of his body needs tending to, and also Sousuke is going to wait on him to have his turn in the shower, which he wouldn't care about if it wasn't going to affect his sense of smell all night. So he manages to pick himself up, and then finally bothers to shut the door and strip out of his grimy clothes. He's not looking forward to putting them back on like that, so he takes a moment to scrub as much of the dirt and salt left over from his sweat out of them as he can. Then he finally steps into the tub and immerses himself in a full bath, curling into a ball on his side to get his whole body under at one time.
He allows himself a few minutes, not nearly long enough, but the night itself has dragged on long enough as it is, and he's ready to sleep. So he pulls the plug, dries himself off, and gets over the fact that he's going to wear a towel to bed. He loves being underwater, but he doesn't care for wet clothes. Which is why he's usually sure to have his jammers on underneath his pants. But as rotten fate would have it, there's something about traveling to Australia that makes him miss that step when he's dressing. So, just a towel it is.
He's not sure how long he's been in the bathroom when he finally walks out, but Sousuke has apparently spent the time sprawled out on the floor, staring at the ceiling. Aiming not to get the bed sheets dirty, Haru guesses, but he's not going to ask. He lets Sousuke figure out for himself that he can have the bathroom now, and crawls onto the bed he deems fit for his body. It's surprisingly comfortable, and he sinks into it immediately, curling up on his side and not even bothering with the blankets. He sighs with exhaustion into the pillow.
He's aware when Sousuke pushes himself up off of the floor, but he doesn't watch him close himself into the little room. He closes his eyes and gives his body the thumbs up to shut down for a few hours, but it doesn't.
His muscles unravel, his bones sink, his heartbeat slows, but he doesn't sleep. He doesn't toss and turn at an attempt to make himself more comfortable, because he's too tired for that, but his brain refuses to shut down, and he's not sure why, but he automatically attributes it to the nagging annoyance in the back of his mind that won't let him forget there's another person in the room that he severely doesn't want to be with, and furthermore, that this person is not someone he trusts, because he's never not had to protect himself around him before.
He's gritting his teeth without realizing it.
This doesn't help of course, because it allows him to open the gateway for all of the reasons why he's always hated Sousuke. All the glares and stare-downs and the tight, rippling jaw, clenching whenever Haru happens to be around. Haru has never had to look to know when Sousuke is present and staring at him, because that teal gaze is so steely and heavy that it feels like having weights pressed down on his shoulders. And that's before he ever finds the moment to get up into Haru's space, which, at some point, he always does. At some point, Haru always finds himself cornered, taking several steps back until he can't anymore, because Sousuke knows how to press in so threateningly that Haru just feels small. And he hates that.
He hates that the most. That Sousuke is always looking down on him, always making himself bigger, always letting Haru know, without ever having to say anything, that Haru has no power when he is around. And it's not like that's something that Haru wants to begin with. He's only ever been interested in simply keeping his freedom to himself. It's not like he imposes that on anyone else. It's not like he bothers anyone with it. If he was left to his own devices, for sure there would never be any issues. But that's not usually the case, and, as though that isn't suffocating enough, Sousuke has to go and smother him even more when he inserts himself into the equation.
And Haru doesn't understand why that is. He knows Sousuke is overly protective of Rin, but why does that have to come back around on Haru when he hasn't even done anything? He doesn't understand why Sousuke feels so threatened by him, that he has to buck up and ruffle his feathers like that.
He's really no different than the starving dingoes. Or the monstrously large spider. Or the hissing pit of snakes just waiting for a reason to strike.
By the time the bathroom door opens, Haru's forgotten all about any progress they may have made over the course of the night. He feels no different than he did when he first saw Sousuke taking up space in the car.
And again, he feels that stare. He doesn't have to look, but he opens his eyes anyway, and they end up staring across the room at each other in a lock that is so silent and still, it's like neither of them are breathing.
Haru remains where he is and doesn't allow himself to look intimidated. He just continues to lay on his side, arms stuffed over his bare chest, knees softly tucked into himself. He makes his gaze cold and waits.
Sousuke is also bare-chested with a towel wrapped around his waist. And where, for Haru, it reaches down to his knees, for Sousuke, it cuts off about halfway up his thighs. His thighs are ridiculous, by the way, but Haru is too busy keeping his eyes on Sousuke's to think about them.
He also has his arms folded, though it's not as stiff. But his biceps are also ridiculous, and Haru does actually have the passing thought that Sousuke could stand to let up on the weight training just a bit. His dark hair is wet, shoulders still glistening with stray shower droplets. One races down his neck from his temple, and Haru is almost distracted by it, but when he thinks that Sousuke looks even bigger this way, he forgets about everything else under the fresh swell of irritation.
He doesn't count the seconds that pass, but there are a lot of them. And then Sousuke walks around the bed, and sits himself down on the edge, in the space between the two, and he continues to stare deliberately at Haru, who can't stay still on his side with a shift like that. So he sits up, also facing Sousuke. And there's another several seconds of silence, in which they just stare, and it's upsetting.
Then Sousuke breathes in.
"I hated you," he says, his voice low and rolling like looming thunder. "Even when we were kids. I barely knew you, but I knew I hated you. I saw you at that first tournament, and initially it was just that I didn't understand you. Everybody was looking at you. Everybody was watching, and it was like you had some kind of hold over the room that really got under my skin."
Haru remains silent. He doesn't know why he's listening so intently, but he doesn't interrupt.
"In sixth grade, Rin said he 'found someone he wanted to swim with,' and I didn't even have to ask to know it was you. I saw it on his face, because it was the same look that everyone had that one time, and it immediately pissed me off, but I couldn't say anything about it to him." Sousuke's jaw flexes. His eyes are dark. "He left me … to be with you."
He pauses for a moment after saying this, pressing the words on Haru so that he'll know what they feel like. And Haru can see the rawness of his hatred. It glints off of his eyes like lightening.
"He left me to be with you," he says again. "He didn't even know you. He saw you once. He raced you once. And then he fell under whatever spell it is you cast on people with …" He tosses his hands out, eyes roaming Haru's body. "… whatever this is. Then he came here, and he stopped talking to me after a while, and when he came back, he was still obsessed with you, still stuck. He told me all about it, and everything was 'Haru. Haru. Haru.' And I swear if I wasn't two seconds from ripping your name out of his throat. I don't understand it."
His eyes flash again when he wrinkles his nose. His fingers tighten on his biceps. "You're not nice. You're not charming. You're not compassionate. You don't think about anyone but yourself. You have these obsessions that are not normal, but no one blinks an eye at them. You pout until you get what you want, but other people have to beg and coerce you to do the simplest things. You have outlandish expectations to be left alone to do whatever the hell you want to do, and people just conform their lives to fit around yours. I don't understand it.
"I don't get what people see in you. They watch you swim, and then suddenly they want to be your friend, they want to be associated with you somehow. And what they don't know is that, when they are, all you'll do is put a foot in whatever path they're taking. Being with you is not worth it. You're selfish, but no one else can see this. No one. I don't …"
He raises his hands and scoffs a bitter laugh, finally looking away. "I don't know how to not want to strangle you. And I don't know how no one else wants to either. I can't be won over by you, do you understand?"
He looks back up and his eyes are piercing, desperate even. "I'm not falling for you," he declares. He shakes his head. "I am not falling for you. So you can take whatever spell you're using and throw it away."
Haru clenches his back teeth, chest swelling as he and Sousuke fall into another staring match, though this time it isn't nearly as long.
"Don't flatter yourself," he finally speaks up. His tone is nowhere near as heated as he feels right now. "I don't have a spell. And if I did, I wouldn't use it on you. So you can stop resisting so hard. You might find it's easier to breathe that way. And while you're at it, why don't you stop using me as an excuse to lash out whatever you're feeling about why Rin left you. I didn't ask him to transfer schools. I didn't ask him to come back and tornado his way through my life. He's my friend, and I happen to care about him, but it's not like I'm holding him with a fishing rod. We make each other better. I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to do about that. I don't know what you want me to do about any of this."
Sousuke scowls. "There's nothing you can do."
"Well good, because I'm not going to."
"Right. And why would I expect you to? Why would anyone expect you to? But they do, and it's the same response every time. It doesn't matter who comes to you with what. You can't be bothered to accommodate anyone who might even slightly stop you from having things your way."
"You're telling me things I already know, Yamazaki," Haru snaps. "I know I disappoint people, and I don't pretend to be ignorant about it. I'm just as lost as you are. I don't know why people expect so much of me. I don't know why they keep coming to watch me swim. I don't know why they want to be my friends. I never asked them to! And I never gave them any reason to believe that I'm a selfless and caring person. I know that I'm not. It's hard for me to be around other people. I'm not good at it. It's not that I'm trying to be arrogant or unpleasant, I just don't know what to say or how to react. That's why I need Makoto. That's also why I drag him down. I don't need your reminders about any of that. I've been dealing with it my whole life. Do you want me to apologize that you've gotten sucked up into that too?"
"I don't need your pity."
"I don't pity you," Haru says quickly, also wrinkling his nose. "You don't deserve that. I don't owe you anything. And it's not like you need my help to feel sorry for yourself. You're not kidding anybody, throwing your weight around and threatening me like I have something to do with how angry you are. Just let it go. You're not the only person who's insecure and scared about having things taken away from you, so stop trying so hard to protect things I'm not even touching."
There's a visible wince in Sousuke's expression at some point during this accusation, and he inflates like a balloon. "I am not scared," he says, raising his voice.
"And I'm not intimidated," Haru shoots back. "I say things like that too, but the fact of the matter is it's not true, and neither of us can hide that. You're scared, and you don't know what to do about it, so you bully me. So you take advantage of the fact that I'm smaller than you, that you're taller, and stronger, and twice as thick, and you push me into corners and glare down your nose, and it scares me. Happy? Now we both feel threatened. That's that you wanted, isn't it?"
Sousuke's eyes narrow. "You don't know me."
"But you can sit here and tell me what I'm doing wrong?"
"No one else seems to want to."
"And what gives you the right to be the one to do that? You've never even tried to be my friend. Am I just supposed to accept your animosity as validation for whatever you feel like you have to say?"
"You're in the way!" Sousuke barks. "You're in the way, and you won't move. Of course I'm going to have something to say."
"In the way of what? I haven't done anything to you!"
"Everything, Nanase, I can't get rid of you! You show up everywhere. You're a nightmare I can't wake up from! You drive me crazy!"
Haru practically pops off the bed with this. "Tell me how that's my fault!"
Sousuke lunges forward. And then Haru is trapped in his hold with their lips mashed together.
Sousuke's hands are fisted around his arms again, and it hurts, but that's hardly the most concerning thing at the moment.
Sousuke's lips are wide and rough and moving against Haru's, which are kind of just shakily responding on their own, because his mind has gone blank through a spiked procession of alert, fear, confusion, and now shock, all of which have taken exactly two seconds to sweep through him with a belly-dropping rush.
He feels himself shaking, understands that his hands are stuck between them, his fingers digging into Sousuke's abs where they had reflexively jumped up to push him away, and he's aware that there is an odd chill that raises goosebumps on his skin right before his whole body flushes with heat.
Sousuke has filled up his entire frame of view. The entire world has been condensed down to just Sousuke, stuffing whatever space there is to stuff, barely fitting in it, even though he forces it to stretch for him.
Haru doesn't know how to respond. He's gone stiff, body leaning away, even though Sousuke holds him close. The only part of him that's reacting is his mouth, and he hasn't yet asked it to, but it seems to have already submitted to what's being forced upon it, and when Sousuke's tongue sweep hotly over his, he doesn't bite him like he maybe would think to otherwise. Instead, he's flushed with a sensation that is morbidly confusing.
Sousuke pulls back after a second, and Haru's eyes blink wide, and even though his face is no longer being invaded, he's still stuck there, still stiff with his shoulders drawn up and his fingers now curled against Sousuke's hot skin. He stares up at him, mouth sealed shut, because he has nothing to say, and Sousuke's still glaring.
He looks particularly disgusted, and were Haru in a position to speak up, he'd certainly have something to say about the fact that Sousuke brought that on himself. But then he thinks maybe it's a different kind of disgusted than it seems to be, and suddenly the rush of conflict flooding the background of his gaze is really bright. A crease forms on his forehead. It's both angry and disappointed.
"I'm not falling for you," he says, except that it's under his breath, and Haru's not meant to hear it.
Then Sousuke's kissing him again.
It isn't until now that Haru notices the weight of his heartbeat. The initial shock is slowly ebbing away, but he still isn't moving. His lungs thaw out, and he hears himself breathing, loud and chaotic and interrupted underneath by a small noise that comes from his throat when Sousuke bears down with a deeper, hungrier kiss.
Sousuke's breathing heavily too, just as loudly as he had been all night, but Haru doesn't feel so much annoyed by it now as he is just still quite confused — but without any questions.
Sousuke's suffocating grip leaves his arms, sending a tingle through his veins as the blood starts flowing again. His hold slips around Haru's waist instead, and he yanks him in, nearly picking him up off the floor. The layers of towels between them create a barrier, but even still, Sousuke's body has no issue making itself and its intentions known.
Haru has all kinds of involuntary reactions to this, and it ends with everything burning hotter. He's sure he should be offended by this to some capacity, but he can't find the vigor to be at the moment. Maybe he'll bring it up later, when it's far too late for that to be relevant. Right now, he finds a bit more of himself submitting as his hands unfurl and slide up Sousuke's broad chest, for whatever reason surprised by how hot his skin is too, how much he swells with air, how completely his body shadows his own.
For just the briefest of delirious seconds, he's not uncomfortable with this, even though he's standing on his toes again — and he should be offended. Most especially when Sousuke's hands move lower to grab him by the ass without asking, but then the new rhythm of their bodies rutting together is distracting Haru from complaining, most especially when he realizes he's participating, still without having given himself the permission to do so. But it's bone-chilling, and a bit halting to acknowledge that it feels good, and that he's now pressing himself closer in search of more pressure. And the way Sousuke's body moves is quite intoxicating, but he's just come up with a question to ask.
So as best he can, he pulls his mouth free and breathes, "Why are we doing this?"
"Because it's been a long day," Sousuke growls.
He covers Haru's mouth with his own again, and his insistence silently becomes a fraction more aggressive. Haru is quiet for just a moment, but he's a bit bothered by that response.
"What if I don't want to do this right now?"
Sousuke's grip tightens, "I don't care," he hisses heavily, mouthing at Haru's neck now.
"That's problematic."
"Are you going to stop me or not?"
Haru says nothing. Nor does he move to do such a thing. And so Sousuke's hands slip beneath the towel on his waist and rip it away.
"Then shut up," he says, forcing Haru's back against the bed and following to kneel between his legs.
He shucks his own towel as well, and then their bodies are sliding together without anything between them.
Sousuke … is not gentle. It's not like Haru would have expected him to be, but he's thrown off by the static of ire sparking like friction between them, even now. It's still confusing. Because clearly Sousuke is angry with him, but instead of demanding more space, he's touching Haru with bruising fingers, and hovering over him heavily, and rolling his body against him with desperation, as though he couldn't possibly get close enough to be satisfied.
Their mouths are kissing again, and he bites Haru's lip — hard enough to send a dull pain pulsing through it for several lingering seconds afterward. His thumb is digging into his hipbone, and it tingles. His hands feel possessive and demanding, gripping him so hard that Haru can feel the sting of his blunt fingernails pinching his skin.
No, he doesn't stop him, and he's not sure why. He figures it would be the smarter thing to do, but his body doesn't react like that. Instead, it throbs with a responding need he's sure he doesn't want, but is there anyway. He's hard, and that bothers him. Sousuke is hard, and that distracts him — like a lot, because Sousuke is big everywhere. He's not surprised by that. But it is overwhelming. All of Sousuke is overwhelming — all of his heaviness, and his shadow, and his lack of tenderness, and his force, and his cock. All overwhelming, and Haru turns his head away to breathe. His hands actually press against Sousuke's chest this time, but he doesn't go anywhere.
One of those large hands grabs Haru's hair instead, forcing their gazes to meet. He's still glaring.
"You still scared of me?"
Haru doesn't let himself frown. His heart has moved to his ears. "Yes."
"Really?" he says, his tone not at all curious, but rather, crackling with an imminent threat. "I haven't done anything to you yet."
It's suddenly difficult to swallow, and he's not aware that he's grabbed Sousuke's wrist. "Sousuke …"
"Are you going to stop me or not?"
Haru again doesn't respond, and this makes Sousuke's glare tighten.
"I am giving you the chance to stop this now. You've been a pain in the ass all night, and I'm pissed off. Unless you tell me you don't want it, I am going to take it out on you."
Haru bites at the inside of his lip to keep it from betraying him. His throat feels swollen.
"Are you going to stop me — or not?" Sousuke repeats slowly, menacingly, articulating every word.
Haru clenches his teeth and shakes his head. Apparently, that's all Sousuke needs, because he's yanking him up within the next second and forcing him to bend over in front of him, holding his head over his crotch by the back of his hair.
"Then suck it," he says.
Haru breathes for a moment — through his nose, because his lips don't want to part on demand like that. He doesn't move away, mostly because Sousuke most assuredly wouldn't let him at this point, but also because he doesn't feel inclined to. His only option then, is to just kind of stare at the weapon pointed at him, and he's impressed that it's managing to stand up and support itself on its own like that, because for sure it probably takes up a surprising percentage of Sousuke's 100 kilo body weight on it's own.
He thinks about it for a second, mostly because this kind of situation calls for some kind of strategy. And then he slowly lifts a hand, curls his fingers around the base of Sousuke's cock, and opens his mouth.
He only licks it at first, familiarizing himself with it in his own way, and Sousuke doesn't respond to this. It doesn't taste like much of anything in this moment, and that's probably thanks to Sousuke having just come out of the shower. He can't say he's not grateful for that. He's still surprised by the warmth of Sousuke's skin, and just as surprised that he kind of likes the sensation of that on his tongue.
He wraps his lips around the head — is very briefly reminded of all the popsicles he's ever eaten in his life (that's probably never going to be the same again) — and then he allows his mouth to hollow out as he cautiously sucks his way down this curious piece of flesh, as much as he can, without it getting uncomfortable.
Sousuke still doesn't respond.
He thinks that's a bit unfair, what with all the huffing and puffing he's been doing, now he wants to go quiet?
Haru can feel his eyes staring down at him. His hand is still in his hair, but his grip is loose, and it doesn't do anything. He's still, very still, and Haru's not even convinced he can hear him breathing anymore. Though, Sousuke's so big that he kind of feels like he can't hear anything. But still, it's a bit irritating. He forced all of this into motion, and now he doesn't even want to appreciate it? Also, Haru feels like his threat was a bit empty, if this is how it's going to be. He doesn't want to admit that that's disappointing, but … it's a little disappointing.
So he stops being so cautious.
He goes down deeper, filling his mouth more than he would ideally like to. He pumps the base with his fist, slightly twisting and clenching with purpose, the way he usually knows how to do with himself. And he imagines that this absurdly large appendage is just a bland popsicle, and adjusts the motions of his tongue to that image accordingly. He allows his throat to pull.
Still there's just nothing. No sigh, no moan, no shudder, just a grating silence. And after a good minute of adjusting and actually putting effort into it, Haru lets him go with a pop and looks up.
Sousuke's face is incredibly blank, and yet there's something in it that's rather chilling. He has his head tilted, just slightly, not so much curious as it is threatening. Haru can't tell what's in his eyes, but he knows it's not friendly. And for just a second, Haru beings to regret it. What specifically it is in detail, he's not so sure. He just knows that everything about Sousuke is sending off warning signals.
He finds himself shrinking instinctively, lowering himself back down in a silent obedience that doesn't even need a command. He kind of hates that. But his skin is crawling, so he thinks his itching pride is the least of his troubles.
He returns to what he was doing, this time with a nervous pinch to his spine, and he doesn't have to concern himself with it that much longer. Though, he's still not ready when Sousuke's grip suddenly tightens in his hair and he shoves his hips up.
Haru's whole body clenches, and he has to plant his hands on Sousuke's thighs to keep himself steady, because it doesn't stop with just that. He starts choking immediately, brow pinching as he squints against the spring of involuntary tears in his eyes. It's a bit terrifying, because he keeps automatically trying to catch a breath, but there's a dick in his mouth, and it's assaulting the back of his throat repeatedly, so his airways are partially blocked. His stomach clenches, trying to gag, even though he really can't, and it just comes out around Sousuke's cock as a horrible sound of garbled desperation.
He can only take a few seconds of it before he tries to push away, but the grip around his hair is so tight that's it's pinching, and the more he tries to pull back, the more Sousuke forces his head down. His shoulders shake. He can feel his face turning red.
It's there now though, even though his ears are ringing, he's aware of the huff of Sousuke's breath over his head. He's not sure if that satisfies him or not, but he thinks at least he's grateful it's not just silence.
Sousuke's other hand comes up under his chin and pinches his cheeks hard. "Open your jaw."
Haru obeys, though he does it with a strangled moan to let Sousuke know he's suffocating, but the larger man doesn't seem to care. He pinches harder.
"Open it," he says again, his voice sharp. "Come on, Nanase."
He opens his mouth as wide as he possibly can, and it hurts his jaw. It also gives Sousuke more room to stuff him, and Haru's fingers dig into his thighs when he does so, his thrusting twice as aggressive.
Sousuke raises himself on his knees, automatically pushing Haru back, though he's not allowed to detach himself by any means. This just gives Sousuke more range of motion, more freedom to use as much force as he likes. And Haru's whole body shakes.
The spring of tears have started to track down his face, and the muffled, gaging moans start escaping with a rather pitiful drift. He finds himself pleading for relief by digging his fingers into Sousuke's skin, but it's not until nearly too long later that he jabs Haru in the back of the throat one more time, and then pulls back, allowing Haru to gasp for air.
He remains hunched over, digging into Sousuke's thighs as a violent tremble vibrates through his body from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. His chest heaves, and he doesn't even have it in him to reach up and wipe his face. But he's not given the chance either, because he's only allowed to catch his breath for a few seconds, before Sousuke stuffs his fingers into his mouth, and pushes him onto his back.
Another moan comes out of his nose, and his brow furrows as he looks up to the shadow hovering over him, those teal eyes dark with dilated pupils. The look in his eyes is still disquieting, if not even more so now that he's filled with flames of lust. He watches a fresh spring of tears water Haru's eyes as he rotates his fingers in his mouth, pushing them too far back. Haru tries to swallow past them, his tongue roaming over them on its own.
It takes much less time for Sousuke to pull back on this, and then it seems he's even closer than before, watching Haru's face so intensely that the smaller man blushes just because of that.
Then those same fingers are touching Haru low — much lower than he's ever been touched by anyone, and he pulls in a sharp breath, his hands slapping themselves against Sousuke's shoulders automatically, though they don't push. His knees react by drawing in closer to his body, but Sousuke's back to kneeling between his legs, so this doesn't do anything to protect him, and the burn is sharp when those fingers force their way into his body.
He doesn't do it nicely, but it is taunting, a very sure and silent way of letting Haru know that Sousuke is in control of all of this now, and all Haru can do is try not to let anymore noises escape his throat. His teeth clench and his lips seal themselves tight. His breath his heavy, having only his nose to escape through again, but air is all that he allows in an out. His face is already burning with enough embarrassment as it is, he doesn't need his voice to betray him anymore than it already has.
But it's hard. It's hard because Sousuke's fingers are thick, and there are two of them shoved up Haru's ass, twisting and curling inside his body, searching, while Sousuke just stares with that storm in his eyes. Haru's hands fist against his skin again. His body keeps moving, trying to get away, even though there's nowhere to go, and Sousuke only follows him with ease.
"You're such a stubborn fuck," Sousuke says, low and quiet. He hardly blinks, watching Haru struggle. "You're not helping yourself."
A third finger gets stuffed into Haru's body, and he grimaces, biting on his lip so hard it breaks the skin. His head tilts back, and he closes his eyes at an attempt to concentrate, to hold the last pieces of himself together. Sousuke pushes deeper.
It's beginning to burn less, and feel more. More of what, he can't tell, but it's conflicting, and he doesn't want Sousuke to know that it's not completely bad. He doesn't want Sousuke to know that the feel that it is is of a kind that is ravenous and insatiable, that is hungrily asking for more, even though the fullness is already unbelievable. It's still overwhelming, and for that, it's most difficult not to make a sound.
But then Sousuke finds it. And when he does, Haru's body jolts and throws an arch in his back that has him trembling out of control. He sees stars behind his eyelids and feels the flush of raw goodness turn his whole body red. It's overwhelming. He doesn't make a sound, and it nearly kills him.
Sousuke lowers himself, keeping inventory of Haru's body, staying in control. He works that spot and is determined to watch Haru suffer.
Haru's heels scrape the bed restlessly, his legs shaking. He can feel Sousuke hovering his face close, can feel his breath on his neck.
"Stop resisting."
Haru shakes his head vigorously.
Sousuke thrusts his fingers faster. Haru very nearly chokes on a scream. Sousuke's breath is irritated, steaming out of his nose, and Haru can tell without having to look that his jaw is clenched.
"Goddammit," he growls, probably through his teeth. His voice is not at all kind when he snarls, "Just let it go. Fuck."
He crashes his lips against Haru's again, and the term kiss is too sweet of a word to describe the hungry force of Sousuke's mouth and the heavy presence of his tongue. And for whatever reason, this is the thing that unlocks Haru's throat and forces a volley of whimpers out of his nose. Then he can't stop it. Then the moans keep falling out, like the gushing streams of a river breaking through a dam. And they're embarrassing, because they're desperate. But not the choked kind of desperate that they were when Sousuke was fucking his face. These are the kind of desperate that are pathetic and half sobbing, and very clearly begging for more.
And that's what Sousuke gives him.
And it hurts, and it burns, and it feels upsettingly good, and his body reacts without him, and his hips buck up at nothing. And Sousuke is in full control.
His mouth moves back to Haru's neck and his teeth bite. Haru is whining through gasps, and he can't believe he's being so loud right now. He half hopes that someone on the other side of the wall will bang on their door and put a stop to this so that he can scramble up whatever dignity he could possibly have left. He's suddenly forgotten how this all started, and he wonders at what point Sousuke managed to get under his vulnerabilities enough to sneak this far inside of him (and we're talking both figuratively and literally here).
"Don't you dare come," Sousuke says into his neck, when he knows Haru is about to.
Well that's a tall order to make, especially when he's still being vigorously prodded in that spot that throws all of his senses out of balance. But also, he knows Sousuke is serious about that, and he doesn't want to know what consequences are to arise if he does come early, so he responds by mustering up enough strength to push Sousuke's arm away with his foot.
The sudden loss is jarring and initially uncomfortable. His whine is small, and nearly swallowed by his heavy breathing. He's drenched in sweat by this point, and it has his hair plastered to his forehead. He opens his eyes just enough to look up at Sousuke with burning red cheeks.
He's not happy about it.
He grabs Haru under the jaw again, forcing his head back and pressing a thumb heavily against his bottom lip.
"Who said you could do that?"
His eyes are somehow both dull and menacing at the same time, and his voice comes out in another roll of ominous thunder. Haru just stares, chest still working hard for a breath.
"If you want to stop, use your words … Do you want to stop?"
Haru doesn't respond. His body shakes instead, and Sousuke gets impatient. He pinches Haru's cheeks again, fingers sharp.
"Do you want to stop?"
Haru shakes his head. "No."
"Then stop taking short cuts. Get up."
He pulls back, giving Haru room to sit up obediently. His arms don't like it, and they tremble even underneath his insignificant weight. His body is still buzzing with the echoes of so much strain and arousal. It's a bit painful now. Everything is pulsing with an aching heartbeat of want.
He's given enough time to push himself up on his knees, and then Sousuke doesn't wait for him after that. He grabs his arms and forces his body around, nearly picking him up off the bed to face him toward the headboard that he catches himself on when he's pushed from the back.
It's startling, and his breathing becomes shallow and quick, his heart picking up with a different kind of feeling, one that raises the hair on the back of his neck and tingles on his skin with warning.
Sousuke's body is the very personification of intimidation, framing his back, and he presses himself so close that Haru has to crowd against the headboard, hands gripping the top tightly. He's stuck, pinned between two unmoving walls, only, one of them is hot and breathing down his neck. Haru's skin crawls. Sousuke's cock is resting heavily on his lower back, and he's aware of it. His shoulders are tempted to draw up when Sousuke leans his lips close to his ear.
"Are you still afraid of me?" he murmurs.
He plants his hands on the headboard on either side of Haru's body, imposing, and Haru feels even more stuck this way.
"Yes."
"This is your last chance to stop me."
He should accept that offer, and he knows it. He's lucky Sousuke is even being considerate enough to wait for his permission. And that intrigues him, admittedly more than it worries him. Sousuke is blunt and upfront, callous a little bit in making sure Haru knows that he's not in for a smooth ride. If he consents to this, it's coming from a place of pent-up frustration that's been building for much longer than just this one night. Sousuke is not aiming to be gentle. This is not love-making, what they're doing. Sousuke wants him to struggle. And Haru must truly be in a harrowing place to be so interested to know what that feels like.
They can't stop here. He's already been roused to the point that he's aching to be filled back up. He's going to regret it, he thinks. But he shakes his head.
"No."
There is a pause. Not of hesitation, but maybe of allowing Haru to brace himself this time. And he takes advantage of it as much as he can, because he's right in predicting that Sousuke's not going to take his time going in.
When he does slip his cock in Haru's ass, it's one swift movement. And it sends Haru's entire body into a spasm of instant rejection. The sound doesn't even come out of his mouth at first, and it's not because he's holding it back this time. His jaw just drops in silence, and his body throws a fit, because there is an intruder that has already broken in, and his presence is much too big to be accommodated so easily.
But Sousuke's not waiting for anybody. He's already thrusting so forcefully that the headboard rocks against the wall. And he's undone this time, no longer so tightly wound that all he does is breathe. He's growling, like a predator, through his teeth and still with all the fury in the world. And it's low in Haru's ear, but close, rumbling like thunder that calls to something deep within him.
Airless squeaks of strain make it out of Haru's throat. He still hasn't adjusted, but the fullness is unrivaled. His eyes close, and he resigns to the pain. It numbs itself down until it becomes just another sensation, twisted up inside of a knot of pleasure that never quite sits where he wants it to.
Sousuke's knee nudges his further apart and his body snaps against Haru's at a quicker pace, pushing him ever more hopelessly up against the headboard, which takes away more and more of his mobility, but also satisfies a great need for pressure against his own cock.
His voice returns, and again, it's hard to stop it once it starts. He sounds absolutely pathetic, but his moans are ringing around the room, so he can't really tune it out. Sousuke feasts on his neck again, biting in more places, vibrating his skin with low moans of his own. But his sound better, sound territorial and hungry, sound less like a dying cat and more like the thing that's killing it. One of his massive hands fits itself around Haru's neck from the other side, forcing his head back again, and he just barely squeezes, not enough to choke him, just enough to hold another power over him. His other hand though, is holding Haru's thigh like it's trying bust a blood vessel.
Haru grits his teeth, because the thrusting becomes meaner, like Sousuke keeps thinking about how much he hates him and is funneling that through his body. And man does it pack a punch. There's no reason for Haru to be surprised by the sheer strength of him, but he is. Or maybe it's not so much surprise as it is astonishment. He can feel the power of his thrusts traveling all the way up his spine to ache at the back of his neck.
Sousuke's teeth sink particularly deep into Haru's shoulder, and he grunts out the pain through his teeth before that dissolves back into another whine escaping through his nose. The hand that's not slowly tightening around his throat slaps his ass, and it is not playful. It stings. And the noise the comes out of Haru this time is mortifyingly obvious.
Sousuke's back in his ear in the next second. "Beg."
Haru doesn't even stop himself from whimpering. "Please."
Smack!
Moan.
"You fucking like this."
Sousuke's fingers are starting to become restricting. Haru doesn't deny it.
"You're still getting what you want." He doesn't sound satisfied with that. "Bend over."
He doesn't have much of a choice in the matter. The pressure pressing him up against the headboard disappears, and he's yanked backward, and then pushed down onto his palms. It's all rather quick, all rather rough, and Sousuke's vice doesn't start light this time. He bends over Haru, shadowing him as the mean thrusts turn meaner, and Haru grimaces, breath catching in the whimpers. One hand yanks at Haru's hair, forcing his head to tilt off to the side. The other arm wraps itself underneath Haru's, and Sousuke's fingers latch back onto his throat, this time with a real grip. Haru's responding moan is stained with a bit more distress.
They end up dropping forward, because Haru's arms are shaking too much to hold them up, but this changes nothing except to give Sousuke full dominance over his body, and now Haru's cheek is pressed into the pillow.
He's starting to feel rattled, weak, intoxicated to the point that he might actually throw up, because Sousuke's dick is so big that he swears he can feel it in his stomach, and that's about when the pacing stops. There's all of one weird second of relief, before Sousuke puts all of his driving power into one forceful thrust, and it feels even more than the very first one did. Haru's reaction is loud.
Sousuke pulls back, all the way out even, and Haru can hear himself breathing loudly again, can feel his heartbeat in his throat under Sousuke's palm. He's assaulted again, another one that reaches all the way up into his stomach, and he tries to turn his wail into the pillow, but Sousuke's grip won't let him.
This continues, and it's shocking every single time. It pushes the air out of him, leaves him gasping for more, but he can't, because there's a hand squeezing his throat. His heart is going ballistic, and he's overwhelmed again. He hardly recognizes when his body is forced down flat, and Sousuke's lying directly on top of him, keeping the depth and power of his thrusts while making them more frequent with less time for Haru to attempt to catch his breath in between.
It's too full. He's shaking so badly, he's afraid every next attack is going to split him in half. He doesn't have the tension to help his body prepare for them, to endure it. He's too small. His howls of pain start turning into dry sobs. Sousuke doesn't stop. Haru squeezes the life out of the bedding.
"Sousuke …" he manages to choke out.
Sousuke's breathing is ragged in his ear. His voice is harsh. "You don't like it anymore, do you?"
He would shake his head if he had the range for that. "No," he whimpers.
"Tell me to stop."
He sobs some more, weakly grabbing onto Sousuke's forearm, because it gets worse somehow.
"Use your words, Nanase," Sousuke barks. "Tell me. to stop."
"Please …"
"Please what?"
Haru folds, and it's not at all graceful. "Stop, stop" he begs. "Please stop. Please stop."
He gets one more, probably punishment for how pitiful he sounds, and then Sousuke flips him back over, still rough, and Haru hiccups on the air that's snatched out of his chest with how rough. Then Sousuke is once again hovering over him like a shadow, space claimed between Haru's legs like it's his rightful place, but as they both breathe heavily in the space between them, nothing else happens.
Haru stares up through half-lidded eyes, watching the face above him sustain another look of disgust and conflict, nose wrinkled. Sousuke's sweating too, profusely, and Haru's just noticed. It's attractive, but he doesn't want to say so, because Sousuke still scares him, and he's afraid to say anything. And he's been brought so low. He's been brought so low, and it's far too late to regret that. He knew that he would. He knew he would feel the tightness in his stomach, the competitive longing rubbing up against years of resistance, of stubbornness, and fighting, and swearing up and down that he hates this man, but he doesn't. He's still scared, but he doesn't hate Sousuke.
And he's not sure, but something is happening in Sousuke that gives off the same energy — it feels the same. And Sousuke's expression even starts to smooth out a bit, the longer that they stare at each other breathing. He frowns, but it's not angry. It's regretful, and Haru's not sure for what specifically.
"I'm not falling for you," he whispers again, but it's less sure now. It's not punchy or motivated by anything. It's just being spoken because he feels like he has to say so, but Haru knows Sousuke's not talking to him.
Sousuke leans in close and kisses him again.
Except it's different this time. Because it's gentle. Because it's warm. Because it holds something that's not a frantic need to overpower. In fact, it's quite considerate, and tempered, and withdrawn but also giving of itself. It's a different Sousuke. And suddenly everything shifts.
The kissing continues, grows deeper, and much more passionate, allows itself to come attached with things that feel like emotion. They lap at each other's tongues, but without the starvation. Sousuke's hands touch him, but without the overexertion of his strength. They slide across Haru's skin instead, grazing the length of his waist and touching his face with tenderness.
Their cocks are still erected and hovering between them, and its more natural to just start rolling their hips in search of friction this time. And for whatever reason, now, Haru feels more sensitive, like every little touch does something, and Sousuke's length grinding slowly against his makes him shudder with warmth this time.
The moan that escapes his nose is light and unburdened, nearly too quiet to pick up on, but Sousuke does and he breathes into it. His body moves with more purpose, but remains considerate, doesn't lay on him so heavily, doesn't force his body to move except to kindly caress his leg and fold it up toward his chest.
It's slow this time, the presence of his cock reentering Haru's body with a tentative question more than a brazen demand, as though he's asking to be let in rather than just kicking down the door, and Haru allows it. Because he can cognitively decide that he wants it this time, that he's ready for it, that he knows what's coming and knows what to expect.
Except that he really doesn't, because it's already different. Already more full, just less in a literal sense. This kind of full is bigger and more heart-stopping than that. It feels like something simultaneously outside of Sousuke and so deep within Sousuke that Haru knows no one else has ever experienced this from him before.
Sousuke moans. It's pleasant to listen to, and it makes Haru's body tingle. He raises his hips to meet the slow, languid movements Sousuke is creating, and Sousuke moans again, deeper and more genuine. Haru lets a long breath through his nose. His arms reach up to circle around Sousuke's neck.
They find themselves moving together, and being stimulated by it more. Everything stays soft and careful, but it also grows with yearning, and it's heard through all of the little noises that escape both of their throats, it's felt in the swell of energy that they create and pass between them, making balance. It's catered to by the rolling of their bodies and the sensual way they answer each other's call. It never becomes frantic, but it does become irresistible.
A crease forms on Haru's brow, because it hurts in a way that is also not physical, but only because he doesn't know if his capacity to feel all of these things is great enough to hold what Sousuke is giving him, and it gets even more intense, when Sousuke buries his face back in Haru's neck, this time with non-hostile, gasping kisses. His thick arms are holding Haru securely, but not crushingly, and in a way that communicates he's struggling to feel just as much as Haru is. His thrusts become quicker, but not meaner, and he trembles intensely, voice climbing in octaves as he groans freely into Haru's skin.
His breath moves up to Haru's ear, sending a chill down his back, his hand up to Haru's hair, without the grip this time. He's warm, and damp, and feels like … safe.
"Haru," he moans, and it's completely involuntary.
Haru blinks his eyes open, wide with shock, and then he comes, sudden and hard, lost in a euphoric bliss of shivers and keening, both clinging to and pushing on Sousuke's body as though looking for both to keep him grounded.
He's only just aware that Sousuke is responding to this with a sudden burst of attraction, and it stimulates Haru even more as he thrusts with more hungry passion for just a quick moment, and then he's coming too. His arms squeeze Haru firmly, holding onto him like a lifeline, groaning into his shoulder, coming into his body, all while moving still, less and less desperately, until they're both slowly falling back down, rolling off of the high like coming down from an adrenaline rush after a race.
They breathe together, panting, both of them wet and now sticky, and it grows slowly quiet, still, full only of their breathing and nothing else, because they're just laying together, recovering, waking up, suddenly thinking about it all and what it means, how it moved from A to 100 so quickly, violently, softly, and carefully.
And so now what?
Haru's sure neither of them has an answer, because neither of them says anything.
After a quiet while, Sousuke pushes himself up. He looks at Haru for a moment, all of the ire, conflict, and disgust gone. Haru tries to stare back, but his eyelids are falling, and he's starting to blink slowly as the exhaustion washes over him with a surge of insistence that refuses to be argued with.
It's so dense, that he's just barely aware of Sousuke leaving him. But his presence is so big that it's hard not to miss it when it's gone. It's cold without him, and Haru suddenly feels exposed and naked, and he wonders why he never did before this moment.
He can't move. His body is officially shutting itself down, frantic to revive and repair and replenish everything that was just taken from and given to him. He no longer feels weak, just existing.
He's sure some time has passed by the time Sousuke comes back, but he's not sure how much. He feels his legs being shifted and his body being wiped down, and then he's lifted from the bed, cradled in Sousuke's large arms, and he feels peculiarly safe again. His temple nestles against Sousuke's arm, though he doesn't realize he has actively put it there. And then they're in the bathroom, and Sousuke is lowering him into a tub of warm water that immediately draws all leftover tension out of his muscles. He sighs, and allows his head to rest back against the tub, unbothered that he doesn't fully fit and so his knees are poking out. It doesn't matter at the moment, he's so tired. He looks at Sousuke, who sits down on the toilet cover across from him and leans his elbows on his knees, teal eyes trained on Haru with a fondness that is hard to understand.
There's a heartbeat of silence that drags on for an amount of time Haru cannot measure, while he just barely holds his eyes open. And then Sousuke gives him a small permitting nod.
"Go ahead," he says quietly, letting Haru know it's okay for him to let go. "I'll bring you back to bed."
Haru inhales, then turns his head away and falls asleep immediately.