November 2024
Hailey stood in the kitchen cooking. When being on maternity leave she had found out, to her surprise, that she really liked to cook. Of course, it hadn't ever been something she particularly hated and she had always known how to do it, but now she enjoyed it. It was somehow relaxing. Only that right now she wasn't relaxed or calm. Everything was great, two and half month old Cara was taking her first nap of the day right now and overall days with her went very well. The problem was that they went too well. She loved being home with her baby, far more than she had ever guessed before they get Cara. She was still breastfeeding her and had no plan to stop it yet. It killed her to think she would be all day apart from Cara. She knew that she had to make some decision about returning to work.
They had briefly touched on this subject with Jay, but she had been hesitant to talk about it more and Jay, like always, had sensed it and had given her space to think about it. But days had dwindled, she needed to decide soon.
She loved her job, she really loved it. She had no intention to become any housewife, not in the long term. The idea of being out of the unit, staying away from her job, longer than she had been already, felt hard. Her job had defined her for so long. Hailey sighed. She really didn't want to choose.
Hailey heard Cara starting to wake up. She raised the soup, she had been making, from the stove and turned the stove off. The food was probably ready anyway.
"Hey baby girl, did you have a good nap", she greeted her baby. Cara smiled at her. Cara was a happy kid. Sure, she cried determinedly when she was hungry and whined when being wet or tired, but overall she had been quite an easy baby. She already slept most of the nights.
After she had picked Cara up from the crib and changed her diaper, Hailey walked back to the kitchen, baby in her arms. She frowned. She knew what she needed to do, so she could think straight. She put Cara onto her baby lounger and packed the soup, she had made, to a container and put it to the fridge. She grabbed her phone and typed something quickly.
Little later, she headed out of the house with Cara, fed and dressed in cute warm overalls, resting in her car seat. She fastened the car seat and hopped to the driver's seat of her car. Turning the music on, she put the gear to the drive and directed the car to their first destination.
"Let's take the little trip, Cara bear", she smiled at Cara. The infant looked back to her with her bright blue eyes like she would have agreed.
Hailey parked her car in front of the 21th district and took Cara and the paper bags, which she had picked on the way, with her. With her hands full she was grateful that a couple patrol officers came out just when she was at the door, and while greeting her, let her in.
"Hi Trudy!", she greeted the desk sergeant and lowered Cara's car seat down next to herself.
Platt raised her head and smiled widely. "Isn't it my favorite girl!"
Platt rushed from behind her desk to squat next to Cara, who smiled at her brightly.
"I take that you didn't mean me", Hailey quipped.
Platt was totally enchanted by Cara and didn't probably hear a word she was saying. After taking her time with the baby, she finally straightened out.
"Goldilocks, I thought you were on leave but it seems that you are moonlighting as a food delivery girl?", she nodded toward the bags.
"Just bribing the team that they don't forget me completely", Hailey laughed.
Platt picked up Cara and gestured to Hailey to follow.
"I'll help you upstairs", she told her.
"Wanna see daddy, darling", she asked Cara before heading to the stairs. Hailey followed her with the paper bags.
"Look what I found", Platt announced when they entered the bullpen.
"Hey guys, we brought some lunch for you", Hailey waved her cargo.
Everyone gathered around them to greet them and to babble Cara. Vanessa hugged Hailey.
"I have missed you, partner."
"You saw me last week when you visited us", Hailey laughed.
"Still", Vanessa smiled when letting her loose.
Jay heard their ruckus and came out from his office.
"Hails, didn't know you were coming", he smiled warmly at his wife, before rushing to Cara.
"Hi baby girl", he said and started to undress her from her overalls. "How's your day? Wanted to come and see daddy?"
Looking at Jay, Hailey felt her heart swell. She loved how soft Jay was with their little girl. She looked at her husband, when he took their baby in his arms and gave her a kiss to her forehead. Jay had let his beard grow a little, it suited him so well. He really looked hot, Hailey thought before letting out a small laugh. Oh god, she was turning into some desperate housewife, drooling over her man at his workplace. She heard a little cough.
She turned and found Kim and Kevin staring at her.
"You like what you see?", Kim smirked.
"I'm having flashbacks. Upton making heart eyes to Halstead at the bullpen, I definitely have lived this before. So many times", Kevin sighed dramatically.
"I think that I don't have enough food for all, maybe you two can get something else", Hailey grinned and stuck her tongue out.
Hailey carried her bags with help of Adam to the break room and everyone else followed them, happy for surprise lunch serving.
Kim watched Jay to carry Cara with him, talking softly to the baby all the time. In reality she understood why Hailey had been looking at them. There's something special how Jay changed when his family was around him. Jay had always been collected and professional at work, and the last few years as a sergeant had intensified that even more so and made him quite imposing. The difference between strict sergeant giving commands at the crime scene and this smiling and soft man who was chattering with his daughter was huge. Kim knew that Hailey saw it daily and had seen it for years even before Cara was born, since Jay has always been different with Hailey, but to the others the difference was kinda interesting to observe.
"Do you dare to give her to me that you can eat?", Hailey asked Jay, smiling.
"Not sure, this will be a long day, she'll be probably already sleeping when I'll make it home", Jay said, nuzzling his nose to the baby's chubby cheek.
"You need to learn how to share, Chuckles. Give her to me, I have already eaten before your girls came here", Trudy held her arms out, gesturing to Jay to give Cara to her.
"What do you say Cara, should daddy give you to aunt Trudy?", Jay asked Cara, lifting her upper and giving one more kiss to her nose, before surrendering and giving his precious girl to the older sergeant.
When Cara had circled from one lap to the other and everybody had eaten and went back to work, Hailey collected Cara's things.
"Wanna see daddy once more before going home?", she whispered to the baby.
They walked into Jay's office and she knocked on the doorway. "Do you have a minute?"
"Always for you", Jay raised his eyes from the files and smiled at them.
"We are heading home, but she wanted to see you before leaving", Hailey said.
"She wanted?", Jay replied, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"Of course she wanted to, she is daddy's girl, aren't you Cara bear"", he continued standing up.
"I have something to talk about you when you come home", Hailey told him, biting nervously at her lip.
Jay nodded. He knew what the issue was. He stepped closer and planted a kiss to Hailey's cheek. Whatever she would decide, he would support her. Hailey got his wordless message and smiled a little.
"Send me a message when you are coming home, I will warm up some dinner for you", she offered.
"I will", Jay said and stroked Cara's cheek with his finger.
They said their goodbyes and Hailey and Cara headed out. Jay went back to his work and sighed. He missed working with Hailey, but if this is what needed so they had Cara, he was happy to give it.
Jay had been right, their current case kept him at work for so long, that when he finally made it home, it was way past Cara's bedtime. He stepped to the apartment, the hallway was dark but the light echoed from the kitchen. After kicking boots off, he put her gun to the safe and hanged his jacket in the closet.
Hailey was just setting the plate full of steaming soup to the kitchen island when Jay came to the kitchen.
"Hey babe! Oh god, you are the best, I'm starving", Jay told Hailey and went to give her a kiss.
"So I figured", Hailey replied, kissing him back.
"Gonna wash my hands first, but sit with me when I eat?", Jay requested.
They sat in the kitchen, Jay was eating and listening when Hailey told him about her day with Cara. They talked little about Intelligence's current case and unit in general. After he had finished his supper, Jay stood up and put his plate to the dishwasher. He looked at Hailey, he could see there's something bothering her and he had quite a good hunch what it was. He stepped closer to her and reached his hand out.
"C'mere", he pulled her with him and walked them to the living room.
They sat down on the couch, Jay to the corner with Hailey in his embrace. Jay stroked her hair and kissed her temple.
"Wanna talk what is going on in this pretty head of yours?"
Hailey sighed. She knew she had to. Despite how hard it was to decide what to do, she needed to do it, and she believed she had done it. Now she just needed to tell Jay. Logically she knew that Jay would respect whatever decision she would make, but still some minor part of her was afraid that she would somehow disappoint Jay. She knew Jay would never tell her what she should do. He would give his opinion if asked, but never order her to obey it. They were equal partners in their marriage, something that Hailey treasured dearly, after seeing such different family dynamics in her childhood.
"I don't want to choose, and still I know I have to. I love my job and I miss it but I also love to spend my everyday with Cara and it kills me to think I would have to leave her to the daycare or with a nanny", Hailey spilled.
Jay nodded, encouraging her to continue. His green eyes looked at her reassuringly.
"I know we had talked about buying a house, and if I stay at home longer, without pay, we can't do it, not yet. And do I even have the job to come back if I stay away longer? Maybe I would just be better...", Hailey rambled.
"Hey, hey, calm down", Jay reassured her. "I won't say what you should do, but you must know that the house isn't a problem, we don't need a new house right now, it can wait. And your job isn't disappearing anywhere, whatever you will decide, that's something I can influence."
Hailey sighed. "Why are you always so cool, when I am freaking out?"
"Someone has to be. That's how we work, how we have always worked. One freaks out, another calms them down. It's part of our thing, babe", Jay chuckled.
"It is", Hailey granted. "Would you be disappointed if I said that I am not coming back to work, not yet?"
"Hailey, I couldn't be disappointed in you ever, whatever you do. You stay home with our girl, I love you for doing it for her. You come back, I would be happy to have you at work with me again", Jay told her.
"Geez, Halstead, you really aren't helping", Hailey sighed.
Jay tilted his head and looked at her. "But why do I have a feeling you deep down already know what you are gonna do?"
Hailey bited her lip. Jay knew her so well. Even if it felt so hard to decide, she knew what she was going to do. Both options were good and both options were hard at the same time. This was really the situation where you gain something, you lose something.
"I'm staying at home with her for a little longer", she let out. "I have been thinking about next spring, at most when she turns one year."
Jay smiled at her. "Okay. If that's what you want to do, that's what we do. I will miss working with you, but at the same time I feel good to know she is with you when I am working. You are right, she is still so little."
Hailey reached out to kiss him. "Thank you for being so supportive. This feels so weird. For the years I thought that my work is the most important thing in my life. Then you came and proved it wrong and now Cara has proved that my work isn't the only thing that defines me, what makes me, well, me. I am a cop and will always be, but now I am also a mother and this is what kind of mother I want to be. "
"You are the best mother she ever could have. I love you", Jay said before kissing her and hugging her tighter.