A/N: This chapter got super-long, but someone, I don't think any of you are going to complain :P Thanks for those supportive reviews, peops!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 6
Zoe wasn't sure what she was feeling as she walked up to the entrance of the Rammer Jammer. It was unusual for her to call into the bar after work, either for a drink or a snack or both. She had avoided the place for a while after her break-up with Wade, but it had been a while now and she had started going into the place fairly regularly again. At least, she had up until she went to New York for a month.
Now she had returned, she was back to feeling weird about the whole scenario again. As if it wasn't hard enough when she had to deal with Wade cheating on her. It had taken such a long time to get past that, and just when she thought she had, he went ahead and told her he loved her. Zoe really hadn't been expecting that, still wasn't entirely sure she had processed it. Then just like that, those feelings were gone.
That was the part that really bothered her, even though Zoe knew it wasn't fair. Wade didn't love her anymore, he couldn't, because he barely knew her. He didn't even know himself, truth be told, so it wasn't as if she should feel personally attacked by his not knowing her, but still, it did hurt. It was genuinely painful when he looked at her like he had no idea that she ever meant anything to him, and yet, she couldn't blame him, because it wasn't his fault.
"Well, hello, Doctor Hart," said Shula, startling Zoe from her thoughtfulness. "Were you going in or coming out?" she asked, gesturing to the entrance of the Rammer Jammer.
Zoe opened her mouth to say something before realising she didn't know the answer to the question. She was supposed to be going in, but right now, she wasn't really sure if she should. Shula didn't give her any more thinking time.
"I wouldn't usually be heading in this time of day myself," she said, shaking her head. "I just thought, well, I know poor Wade Kinsella doesn't know who any of us are right now, but the more friendly faces he sees, maybe it'll help his memory along. I don't suppose that's a very scientific or medical idea, is it?"
"No, actually, there is some evidence to suggest that more familiar surroundings - things and people and places a person knows - it can help with amnesia," Zoe told her, sure she sounded a little too much like she was quoting a text book.
As Shula said something else, seemingly pleased to know she was helping as she went inside, Zoe realised she hadn't heard a word, but that she really ought to take a leaf from Shula's book.
Lavon was right in what he said before, about Wade needing Zoe to just be a good friend. She had told George that was what she intended to do, and proved it, she supposed, when she brought Earl over to the plantation to see his son before. If she went home now, backed out on going into the Rammer Jammer to see how Wade was doing, she was just being selfish and a bad friend. Zoe couldn't live with herself if she did that.
"Okay, I'm going in," she said to herself, taking a deep breath and walking through the door.
There were quite a lot of people sat around the tables and up at the bar. It was early yet and if the crowd picked up later, as it usually did, it would really be crammed before closing time rolled around. Zoe found one empty stool at the bar and pulled herself up onto it, looking around to see if she could spot Wade.
She worried for him given how busy the place was. Sure, it would probably be good for him to be amongst the people who knew him best, but he could easily get stressed out trying to keep up behind the bar. After all, he didn't know what he was doing anymore.
"Good evening, Zoe Hart," said a voice that was decidedly not Wade's own.
"Lemon, hi," she said, forcing a smile for the blonde. "Um, is Wade around?"
"I'm certain you know that he is or you probably wouldn't be here," said Lemon sharply. "Now, I know I have no right to interfere in Wade's personal business, and Lord knows, if circumstances were different, I would leave him to deal with you himself, but as things stand... well, he is going through a lot right now. He does not need the added drama that you bring to his life."
"Added drama?" Zoe gasped. "Me? Lemon, did you forget how things ended with me and Wade?" she asked her with a look, knowing full well that she was well-aware of all the details.
Lemon's lips twitched a little and she looked momentarily fazed. It didn't last long. With Lemon Breeland, such things never did.
"I am aware of Wade's faults, Zoe Hart," she said, looking down her nose yet. "His indiscretion when you two were together is not something I can condone at all, but I will say that he has more than done his penance for the crime. From what I've heard, you have also done your share of causing pain by way of using him in unseemly ways a month or more ago, and then just riding off into the sunset when he made his true feelings known to you."
Zoe bit her lip and looked away, knowing she had no way to deny her own crimes. She had used Wade and hurt him, and still the very next time she saw him, he was telling her he loved her and wanted to be with her. She had also left pretty sharply after that and not exactly stayed in touch. Of course, it was all a moot point now, at least until such time as Wade got his memories back, and that may never happen.
"Lemon," she said, looking up and meeting her gaze then. "I am here because Wade needs his friends right now. Not that it is any of your business, but that is all I want. To be a friend to Wade when he needs one the most. Since I'm pretty sure that's what you're trying to do too, can we please just call a truce or something?"
It seemed to take Lemon a while to decide if she was okay with that. Maybe she didn't trust Zoe. She had reasons not to, Zoe supposed, but either which way, she was going to have to deal with the fact that she was not Wade's only friend. She also didn't control his life or anyone else that happened to be in it.
"Zoe, hey," said Wade himself as he appeared beside Lemon. "Everything okay here?" he checked, looking between the two women.
"Certainly, everything's just fine," said Lemon with another of her best fake smiles. "I was just talking to your good friend Zoe," she said pointedly, "but now you're here, and since it seems to be you she came here to check on, I'll just go serve some customers over there."
She sounded all sweetness and light, but Zoe knew better. She figured Wade would usually see through her fakery too, when he remembered what she was really like. No chance of that now.
"You came here to check on me?" Wade asked Zoe when Lemon was gone.
"No, not really." Zoe shook her head. "I mean, not that I don't care or anything," she backtracked, suddenly realising how that sounded. "I do care. I do want to know that you're doing okay. Are you doing okay?" she asked at last.
Wade looked amused by her rambling, which was nothing new. "I am doin' okay actually," he told her, "but thanks for askin' all the same," he said with a winning smile.
Zoe felt something inside her give way when he looked at her like that. He was so... Wade, and yet, he wasn't at the same time. She had been sat there in front of him for a couple of minutes already and so far he hadn't once called her doc or made a smart-ass comment or started to automatically pour her wine for her.
"So, what can I get you to drink?" he asked, which only made it worse somehow.
"Um, white wine, please?"
"That I know how to do," he said, pointing one finger as he took a second to locate the right bottle and correct glass. "I tell you, a couple o' times already, I've had girls ask me for cocktails. Not a damn clue what goes into those things right now."
"I'm sorry." Zoe sighed. "That must be so weird. I mean, you were always kind of the drinks expert. You were in your element when you were mixing drinks. Very Tom Cruise in Cocktail... only taller, obviously," she rambled, the way she was prone to doing when nervous and awkward.
"Who in what now?" Wade asked, frowning some as he pushed her glass towards her across the bar.
"Oh, right. You don't remember movies," she told herself, closing her eyes a moment and cursing herself for being so stupid. "I'm sorry... again."
"You know, you don't have to be sorry every time I don't remember something, Zoe," Wade told her kindly. "It's not your fault. Not anybody's fault, as far as I can tell, 'cept maybe for whatever the hell got in the middle of the road that made me throw the wheel and hit that damn pole."
Zoe nodded, knowing he was right, but it didn't make her feel any better. Of course, she knew she wasn't to blame for Wade's amnesia or his accident or any part of what had happened to him. Unfortunately, there was a little voice somewhere inside of her that said differently. Maybe if she hadn't gone to New York, maybe Wade would never have been on that road at that moment, maybe his accident never would've happened at all.
"Zoe?" he said, gaining her attention. "Y'know, you said you came to check on me, but you seem like you're the one needs some checkin' on yourself. Unless maybe you're always this quiet and thoughtful and such. I know I should probably know that but..."
"It's okay," Zoe told him, forcing a smile. "And no, I'm not always like this. There's just a lot on my mind right now, but you don't need to worry about it," she promised, waving away his concerns.
Wade wasn't sure why exactly but he did worry about it, he worried about her. Of course, that made some sense. They had been friends a while, from what he could tell, as well as neighbours, of course. He obviously liked her a lot at some point or other, else why have her picture hidden in a notebook at his home? That said, there had been nothing said to suggest they were dating or in any way closer than friends. He almost wanted to ask her but felt too stupid about it to actually do it. Besides, nobody was supposed to tell him anything much anyway, so what would be the point?
"Hey, Wade?" called a voice from the other end of the bar. "Two more beers, buddy!"
"Be right there!" he yelled back, before looking back to Zoe. "I should go serve these fine people their drinks."
"Yes, you should," she agreed, smiling up at him. "It's good to see you like this, you know, tending bar like you usually do. You seem a little more... I don't know, a little more Wade, I guess," she said, laughing at her own words as soon as they were said. "Yeah, that sounded even more stupid outloud than it did in my head."
"Don't worry on it, Zoe," he told her, patting her hand. "Thanks for comin' in to check on me. Wine's on the house, okay?"
Before she had a chance to answer, he turned and walked away, going off to serve those other people who were wanting drinks. Zoe stared at his back as he continued working, lifting her hand up off the bar and holding onto it with the other one. It was so stupid, but her skin was actually tingling from his simple and innocent touch.
Wade could have absolutely no idea what he was doing to her, it really wasn't his fault at all, but Zoe couldn't take it. With tears welling in her eyes, she quickly downed her wine and then practically ran from the bar. Being Wade's friend was clearly going to be so much tougher than she thought.
"I gotta get used to doin' what I normally do, Lemon," Wade insisted as she tried to hustle him out of the door. "If I normally stay until closing-"
"You do not always stay until closing," she insisted, giving him another light shove in the direction of the exit. "Sometimes, when it is your turn to do so, but tonight is not one of those nights. So take yourself home now, you hear me?"
Wade stopped a pace from the door and looked back at her, hands on her hips and a stern look on her face, but something soft in her eyes that made him smile somehow.
"What now?" she asked snippily.
Wade shook his head. "I may not remember anythin' much, but I got this strong feelin' that... well, you're not so mean as you like folks to think you are. Seems to me you're as much an old mother hen as you are anythin', fussing over folks whether they like it or not."
"Well, that is where you are wrong, Wade Kinsella," she told him, taking him by the arm and physically taking him right out the door into the dark, where nobody could hear them anymore. "As a matter of fact, I only fuss over the folks that matter most to me," she said, looking more at the ground than at Wade, he noted. "You have been much nicer to me than I probably deserved these past few months, practically my best friend and..."
When she stopped talking and looked up at him, Wade was sure he saw tears in her eyes, though it was tough to tell with the lack of good light. With a sigh, he leaned forward and planted a kiss on Lemon's cheek.
"Thank you, Lemon," he told her, "for lookin' out for me and all. I'll take myself home to bed now, okay?"
"You better do exactly that, Wade Kinsella," she told him, trying for angry but her voice just wouldn't come out strong enough, "or so help me, I will find out and there will be H-E-double hockey sticks to pay. You need your rest."
"I guess I do," he agreed, nodding his head. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow then," Lemon agreed.
Wade raised his hand in a wave goodbye and then headed for home. He got as far as town square before realising a little too late that he wasn't absolutely sure about the way back to the plantation. Face-palming, he turned himself around to go back to the Rammer Jammer before thinking better of it. As sweet as it was that Lemon worried about him so much, he didn't want to make her any worse.
Recalling the cell phone in his pocket, Wade reached for it and searched the contacts for Lavon's name. He hit the button and put the phone up to his ear, waiting for an answer. He got a real surprise when a female voice spoke to him.
"Hello?"
"Uh, Annabeth?" he guessed, supposing Lavon's girlfriend would be the most likely person to answer the phone in his absence.
"Wade?" said the voice on the other end of the line. "It's Zoe. I was just raiding the fridge. Lavon and AB are... well, let's just say I'm pretty sure they're otherwise engaged. You know, upstairs," she said pointedly.
"Right." Wade nodded to himself, since she sure as heck couldn't see him. "I was just... well, I left the Rammer Jammer, headed for home, and then... this is gonna sound dumb but..."
"You don't remember the way back," Zoe said for him.
"Yeah, that's about the size of it," Wade admitted. "I told you it was dumb. It's just I didn't wanna go back and tell a whole bar full of people that."
"It's not like they don't know what happened, Wade, with your amnesia and everything. It's perfectly normal."
"Yeah, but they'd just be sympathetic, and it's not like I don't appreciate the concern and all, it's just... a lot, you know?" Wade admitted. "Lemon is great, but she makes such a fuss. I didn't wanna make her worry any more than she already is."
"Hey, it's fine," Zoe assured him. "And in the absence of Lavon, I am more than happy to come pick you up, if you want?"
"You sure you don't mind?" asked Wade, free hand rubbing the back of his neck.
"I wouldn't have offered if I did. Where exactly are you?"
Wade described his location in town square, thanked Zoe for taking the trouble, then sat himself down on a bench to wait for her to arrive. Less than ten minutes later, she was pulling up to the kerb close by and Wade immediately got up to come around to the passenger side and let himself into the car.
"That was fast," he said, sliding in next to Zoe.
"It's not so far away," she explained, checking behind her before she pulled the car back out into the street. "Most of the time we walk from the plantation to town and back. I just didn't think you'd appreciate waiting for me to hike it all the way down here. Driving was faster."
"Makes sense, I guess." Wade nodded, eyes on the view from the car window as they headed for home, thinking if he paid enough attention, he should know his way next time without bothering anybody.
Not that he minded so much spending a little more time with Zoe. She seemed real friendly and he wasn't exactly blind to the fact she was something to look at either. Tonight, however, he was mindful of spending too long staring, since he might miss a turning or something and not be able to find his way home tomorrow night either.
"So, first day back at work went okay?" asked Zoe as they drove along.
"It was... not so bad," said Wade thoughtfully. "Like I told you before, I didn't exactly know what I was doing with some of the mixed drinks, but for the most part, it worked out. Openin' beer bottles and pouring wine ain't exactly rocket science. I guess I'd be worse off if I had a job like yours and no memory of it."
"I can't exactly argue with that." Zoe nodded. "Although, with your type of amnesia, a lot of the factual stuff usually sticks, even when there's no context for it. I mean, either way, somewhere in your brain, all your memories still exist, they didn't just evaporate. The problem is accessing them. Without context... well, it's kind of like taking a bunch of file cabinets and tipping all the papers from all the folders onto the floor. All the information is still there, but finding the piece you need exactly when you need it? Almost impossible."
"Huh," said Wade, glancing from the view to Zoe then. "You know, I kinda wish the docs at the hospital explained it to me that way. Makes a whole lot more sense than all their long words and such. One of 'em actually had this little plastic brain and tried showing me what I damaged, tellin' me what it was called and all. Like that made a lick o' sense," he said, rolling his eyes.
Zoe laughed a little. "Well, a couple of years ago, I was a little like that myself. When it came to my job, I was all business. Just the facts, no emotion, no bedside manner, zip," she said, shaking her head.
"Well, what changed?" asked Wade curiously, turning a little in his seat to better look at her.
Zoe opened her mouth as if to answer the question but then closed it again without a word said. Wade wondered what that was about and had a mind to ask until he realised what the problem most likely was.
"I thought it was my life nobody was supposed to tell me about. Didn't know it was yours too."
Pulling the car up outside the main house, Zoe killed the engine and heaved a sigh.
"It's not that simple, Wade," she told him, playing with the car keys in her lap and looking more at them that at him right now. "When I first came to Bluebell... well, my life and your life, and Lavon's life, and George and Lemon... So many people's lives, they all kind of got tangled together," she explained, looking up at him then. "It's so hard to talk about one without talking about all the rest, and I really don't want to say anything that might damage your progress."
Wade snorted at that. "Yeah, 'cause I'm makin' so much progress," he said, shaking his head and turning to get out of the car.
Though he heard Zoe call his name after him, Wade didn't look back. He knew his way from the main house to the gatehouse at least, so he headed that way without pause. The sound of high-heeled shoes on the ground trying to chase after him made him feel a little bad, especially when Zoe called his name a second time.
"I'm sorry, okay?" he said as he turned back to her, the apology coming out a little louder and more dramatic than he intended. "I mean it, Zoe, I am sorry," he said in a more moderated tone then, one hand running over his face. "I just... I think I'm doing okay, and then, I just feel so damn frustrated, not knowing anything at all, while everybody else is walking around knowing my whole life better than I do. It's only been a few days but this whole thing is already driving me crazy."
She looked so sad on his behalf, like she was going to cry so he didn't have to. Immediately, Wade felt worse for Zoe than he did for himself, which made even less sense than most other things did lately.
"It will get better, Wade," she told him then. "I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but it will."
"Yeah, maybe," he agreed, not knowing how to argue with her anymore.
After all, she was a doctor as well as his friend. She probably knew way more about what he was going through than he ever did. Wade was pretty sure that even if she wasn't all qualified and such, he would trust Zoe to tell him nothing but truth. It was instinct he supposed, just like he had with Lemon. It was all he had to go on, so he was just going to have to make the best of it.
"Uh, thanks again for driving me home," he told Zoe then. "I should probably go get that rest Lemon was insisting I need so much."
"It can only do good," Zoe agreed. "And try not to worry too much about all this, Wade. Stress isn't helpful, for any medical condition really, but especially not for brain-related problems."
"Thanks for the advice, doc." Wade smiled, turning towards the gatehouse and taking himself up the steps. "Goodnight, Zoe" he called before he went inside.
"Goodnight, Wade," she called back, amazed her voice even worked at all.
There was a lump a mile wide in her throat and all because he hadn't called her Zoe this time. He called her doc, not because he remembered, just because it happened naturally, but maybe that was a good sign too. Zoe really hoped so.
To Be Continued...