Disclaimer: The chapter's title is a combination of lines taken from the song "The Show Must Go On", by Queen. The verses in this chapter are from the song "Give a Little Whistle", sung by Dickie Jones and Cliff Edwards for the Disney film "Pinocchio".
chapter vi: i have to find the will to carry on with the show
They said it feels strange to be back home after a relative pass away, so it helped that Elsa wasn't to go back to the house she used to live with her parents. It was still there for her to do whatever she wanted with it, but no one was hushing her into making a decision. Her grandparents had actually advised her to take some time to think about it.
So, instead of going to her old house, she would stay at her grandparents' place for an undetermined period. "For as long as you want. There is no need to hush into things," her grandfather had told her when they were making plans for her moving. Even after she graduated from upper secondary school and while she was at the university, if she wished.
Everyone — Elsa included — was aware that she would need some time to adapt to her vision impairment as well as properly grieve her parents, but her grandparents also didn't want her to think she was obliged to stay with them either. All of the people around her wished to keep things simple and open. As easy as possible to Elsa.
By the time she was released from the hospital, the doctors were optimistic about her physical and mental recovery. Nobody had any expectations to go back to how it was before since her vision was mostly gone, but they were hopeful that she would adapt to the changes and be able to live a normal life.
The physical therapist had already discharged her completely. Her injuries weren't as bad as being stuck in a hospital bed for a long time after the accident due to both the first phase of adaptation to her vision and the stupor caused by the impact everything had on her mental health. So, once she became more physically active, they only had to build up her stamina and strength.
On the other hand, the ophthalmologist was still experimenting with the environment around her to try to understand how the fluctuations worked. He was positive that her emotions were a factor as well as the colour of the light around her since her sight improved in the dim lighting and when she was relaxed and in a good mood. The doctor was optimistic that they would find an environment where she would be able to see faces and read large letters.
Elsa was also to keep seeing Olaf once a week to work on the changes in her lifestyle as the ophthalmologist discovered new patterns about her sight. He kept encouraging her to confess her feelings to Anna, confident by her accounts of their encounters that the other girl was also in love with her.
All the doctors had encouraged her to see a mental health professional, stating that going back to her routine was bound to be difficult after such a physical and emotional experience. They had guaranteed that there was no shame in seeking for help when needed it. Olaf and her grandfather read to her several studies that stated that people who saw therapists once a week usually recovered more steadily than the ones who didn't and, albeit reluctant about sharing her deepest thoughts with a stranger, Elsa couldn't refute dozens of reports.
So, Elsa had started seeing a kind woman in her late fifties named Gerda as soon as the doctors deemed her release to be imminent. To her surprise, instead of speaking about her parents' demise and her sight loss, the therapist asked about her favourite pastimes, her grades at school, and her friends. She was particularly interested in Elsa's feelings toward Anna once the girl reluctantly confessed them and encouraged her to figure out if Anna felt the same using a series of strategies.
Most of the conversations with Gerda were funny and sweet. Sometimes, ever since Elsa expressed her curiosity on psychology and neurology, they also engaged in the science of the brain and the mind. The therapist also suggested a few audiobooks on the subject if she wanted to explore it on her own. None of the books or the conversations touched the subject of trauma and death; instead, they focused on subjects that interested Elsa at the time, such as musical therapy and the impact of learning music on the brain.
Between her grandparents, Anna, Olaf, Gerda, and her ophthalmologist Elsa realised she was surrounded by people who both cared about her and respected her boundaries. So, she felt quite foolish about how scared she was about her discharge from the hospital.
Both Gerda and Olaf had told her it was normal to feel nervous since, pleasant or not, her stay in the hospital offered a pause from her usual routine. Being back home meant returning to at least some aspects of the life the accident had interrupted. Elsa wasn't prepared to go back to school since she was still figuring out how to deal with her vision impairment, but she would be somewhat expected to put into practice some of Olaf's propositions.
It was terrifying. What if she wasn't able to go on? What if she ended up being a burden to everyone?
Nervous, Elsa could barely pay attention to her last conversation with her general practitioner before her parents helped her into the car and, finally, they left the hospital. She tried to listen to them rambling about the measures they had taken to guarantee her safety at home. They had added some bumpers and safety paddings to the corners and edges of furniture so she would not get hurt if ever stumbled upon them, removed the rugs and transparent glass, added non-slip flooring throughout the bathrooms, ordered the items in the fridge and cupboards in the kitchen, and so on.
Elsa felt embarrassed at the number of things her grandparents had to do to make her living there easier before reasoning that, once again, she was being foolish. They were talking in a cheerful tone that didn't leave any doubts that they were proud of their work and eager to see if she would adapt to the changes.
Elsa heard Anna's voice approaching them as she stumbled out of the car with her grandfather's firm hand guiding her. Anna was whistling and singing the song "Give a Little Whistle" from the Pinocchio animation.
Take the straight and narrow path
And if you start to slide,
Give a little whistle!
Give a little whistle!
And always let your conscience be your guide
"Anna! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school? Your mum is going to kill us both if she finds out you're skipping!" Despite the words, there was a hint of relief in Elsa's voice that she hadn't been able to hide. More than anyone, Anna had been her rock after the accident.
"Nah! Mum told me to come. She knows that it's an important day for you." Elsa's eyes widened at the statement. While Anna's mum had always given her daughter the freedom to figure out her own path, she was strict about Anna's education. The knowledge that her happiness and comfort came before even that was heart-warming to Elsa.
"Thank you." It was all the girl could do to respond. Her grandfather took the opportunity caused by the following silence to greet Anna.
Elsa hoped her best friend was too distracted by her grandparents to notice the loving smile emerging on her lips. I have it bad, her cheeks grew hot as the girl noticed.
Suddenly, her grandfather's strong hands disentangle from her own and, without his support, Elsa stumbled on her feet for a few seconds. Then, as she thought she was about to fall on her face, the girl felt Anna's arms around her waist and heard a soft giggle from somewhere near her left ear.
"And they call me clumsy!" The feeling of Anna's breath on her ear caused Elsa to shiver and, as a consequence, flush deeper.
"At least I have an excuse," Elsa joked back, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible. Despite her fear of having her feelings uncovered, however, Elsa was relieved that her best friend was no longer measuring her words and tone to spare her feelings.
"What about we come in so we can show Elsa around and start on lunch," her grandfather asked with amusement in his voice.
Elsa felt Anna's shoulder raising in a shrug as the girl giggled, "sounds great. Doesn't it?"
Shivering at the feeling of Anna's breath sounded near her ear, Elsa took a few seconds to nod. When her best pulled her arm from her waist, the girl was terrified that she had felt her body's reaction. A moment later, however, Anna wrapped an arm around Elsa's shoulders and started guiding her inside the house.
Lost between the worry that her best friend would figure out her feelings and enjoyment caused by the sensation caused by Anna's body pressured against hers, any concerns over her adaptation to the new environment vanished from Elsa's mind for a moment.
Author's Notes: Took me forever, I know. The reason is a combination of apathy (caused by covid) and discontent over this fic in general. It took me a while to figure out I had to add an extra chapter to it to make the story work. Hope I find you all in good health (physical and mental). Stay safe.