Ino was head down in a public toilet. It smelled like it too. She saw the blue chemical water mix with the inside of her own stomach. Sakura was timidly looking away while holding her hair. She did not enjoy her front row seat to this show.

Ino felt the acid sting in the back of her throat and tears forming in her eyes. A cold shiver ran down in her spine. The small vibration was picked up by Sakura who was still attached to her hair. She let go of one final cough and assumed she was done.

Ino got up and removed some of the vomit with the back of her wrist staining it deep purple from lipstick in the process. She looked like a mess, her inside was in complete harmony with her inside.

"I'm fine, I'm good."

Ino stumbled out off the stall and made her way over to the sink. She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or Sakura wit that statement. None of them believed her either way. She saw her own reflection in the stained mirror above the sink. The red eyes, and puffy cheeks, it didn't look like her. It didn't feel like the face in the mirror belonged to her. Over her own shoulder she could spot Sakura's condescending look so she tried to avoid her left shoulder.

The walls were dirty, and the mirror stained. Despite the tired fatigue of the mirrors, she could see everything as clear as day. Ino had taken it to heart when Sakura had suggested they make up for lost time in college. She had been drinking more than usual ever since moving to the city. It was a great pastime activity and she had such easy access.

Don't suck at life, suck dick

It was written with lipliner at the top of the mirror and Ino laughed. She has always been a prude. She had never experienced anything worth mentioning with her ex-husband. They had been the very definition of vanilla. It was a shock that they had even gotten pregnant.

She could feel it churning again, she placed a hand on her stomach and turned around ready to bolt.

It was a false alarm, so she started laughing again. She had not felt sick as in needing to hurl her organs out again. She had felt sick missing him, missing them.

Sakura had wanted to tell her friend that she did not seem good as she stated to be. It was the third time this week she had been called by Ino's new local bar to come pick her up. She could not say anything about it. They had all been telling Ino get out. They could not discourage her and say they didn't mean for her to go so far. The only option left was to stand there as Ino washed her hands and reapplied her lipstick.

"Where are we going to next?"

There wasn't going to be any next. Ino had come directly after pulling a 17-hour surgery. She should have gone straight home. This had become the new pattern. Whenever Ino lost a one of hers she would go to the bar in her building. Drink until they called the emergency contact on Ino's phone, that was Sakura.

Old-old Ino would have reacted by screaming, argue everyone and proclaim how unfair everything was. They did all in their power and still children died under their treatment. Old Ino would have gone home and no one would hear from her until her next shift. She would never speak of what had happened and what she had experienced. She'd just ship the family off to some counseling group and move on. The present Ino drank. She drank a lot. No, she didn't drink a lot. It didn't take a lot for her to be in this state.

Sakura was not sure if it was an improvement to the old Ino.

At least she was feeling something. Ino rested her head on the sink. She looked ridiculous. Heels higher than what Sakura had seen her wear since high school. Her dress screamed comfortable and practical. Young and playful Ino was crashing with mommy Ino. She wasn't either anymore and she was having problem knowing who she was now.

Sakura was sure she was not going to find out in this bar, or in this state.

"I heard they have a pretty nice place not far from here."

Ino perked up at that news. She was ready to take the party further. She had just started her night; it wasn't even night. It was hardly lunch time. Ino would have tomorrow off since her surgery lasted for so long. So, she didn't have to worry about tomorrow. Or maybe that is what she was worrying about. Sakura had no way of telling what was going on in Ino's mind anymore.

"It's called Your Apartment, grab your purse!"

"You said thing would be different when I moved into the city!"

"I've said a lot of things!"

Ino was holding her purse heaving now. Sakura hadn't said much over the last years. That was why it was so easy for Ino to hold onto her words. Because they were so few.

With a heel spin Ino inspected her makeup. She wet her finger and removed the smudged mascara. She knew she was going to get kicked out of this bar, but there were other bars. She was already feeling herself sobering up after hurling. It wouldn't be a problem getting into the next bar.

Sakura wasn't sure if she should follow her friend out the door. She let go of a heavy sigh and rushed after. She didn't like looking at herself in the mirror. She was too stern, too concerned.

Often times while picking up Ino at the bar Sakura wondered what would happen if she indulged her friend. If they went drinking together. Would they have fun, or would she just end up making Ino's situation worse? It was certain that this wasn't the way. Her friend was losing control. Meaning, something had to change.

Outside the door Ino was giving the bartender "the look"

During their childhood and teenage years Ino was seldom refused anything. Not used to rejection it stung so much worse than for any other regular person. This caused "the look". Ino was gravely offended that someone had the audacity to deny her something. How dared they?

"Let's go to another place."

Ino nodded and headed for the streets. Her heels clicked against the tiles. She had gained control over her shaky legs. Now they were moving steady as logs across the floor. Made Sakura wonder how drunk her friend was and if any of this was just an act.

Outside the world was running its course. The road crowded with cabs and town cars like any other day. People were jostling by with phones glued to their ears, always in a rush. Ino had already started making her way down the road.

"There's a great tapas and wine bar down the road."

Their disagreement from the bathroom already forgotten, or Ino didn't want to address it. She had gotten it her way now, so why stir in it. Sakura followed her friend while feeling disconnected from Ino.

"I love that spring is around!"

Ino held her arms out and did a twirl. A man dressed in a tailormade suit had to jump out of her way and gave her a discontent look. Ino paid no attention to him, the man just shook his head at the obviously drunk woman.

No one would have guessed that Ino was a medic, a renowned doctor, anyone who saw her on that street would assume she was just a drunk. A failure.

A smile on Ino's face told Sakura that she didn't care. For once Ino wasn't concerned what others thought of her. It was better being a drunk clown than a mother mourning the loss of her child. Sakura realized this as some man shouted at Ino, something about her needing to get a job. Ino, still snarky asked if he was hiring.

She could have proven him wrong; she could have told him who she was. She would rather keep playing the role as a burn out. She was more content being a failure in these people's eyes.

A bell chimed as Ino opened a very red door. The restaurant had tried to imitate a traditional Italian bistro. A waiter greeted Ino, ignoring her state. She was bubblier and chattier than plastered. There was no reason to deny her serving Sakura assumed.

The chairs were small and made in cast iron, their table was dressed in a red checkered cloth. On the table stood a small vase with a simple red flower.

"Not many restaurants bother with live flowers anymore, it's a shame!"

Live flowers had always been special for Ino. Sakura liked flowers too, but for Ino it had always been on a different level.

"What can I get you?"

The server was quick to serve them, he slipped Sakura a menu. He must have deemed Ino too drunk Sakura figured.

"Has it been quiet like this all day, Matteo?"

Sakura shook her head. The man was wearing a nametag that clearly said Giovanni. This was typical Ino. Just disregarding the people around, her.

"It's picking up, not too bad. The kitchen has had time to prepare for the evening rush."

Ino nodded. That made sense. It differed a lot. Some days this place was packed, and she would just get her food to go, other days like now there were only a few couples silently eating their food.

"We have mozzarella di bufala back in stock. I have one in the kitchen with your name on it."

Ino clapped her hands. She had gotten very hungry from all the drinking and hurling. A smile spread across her face.

"We'll both get one! I decide today!"

Sakura sighed. She had wanted to get some seafood. She didn't want cheese for lunch. That seemed crazy to her. Mozzarella for lunch, they were medics they were supposed to eat healthy. She would amuse Ino this time. She couldn't remember seeing Ino so genuinely happy since old-old Ino.

"And that Gimigotchi?"

"Gimignano."

The waiter corrected and left them with a smile.

"His name is Giovanni."

Ino shook her head.

"It's Matteo, but he doesn't want everyone knowing. Giovanni also sounds more Italian according to the customers."

Ino gave a shrug and Sakura realized she had falsely accused her friend. She hadn't called him Matteo because she had guessed and decided that was his name, too self-concerned to look at his name tag. They knew each other and Sakura should have figured from the way they were speaking. Sakura took a deep breath, deciding to let Ino take her along for an adventure.

It had turned out to be a good call. They had quickly finished their first bottle of white wine. Sakura was feeling the effects already when their food and second bottle came.

The cheese had been divine. Sakura could not praise the cheese enough. It wasn't just a mozzarella. It couldn't compare to anything. It was so delightful.

"This is better than any sex I've had in years!"

Sakura proclaimed having finished her plate in no time. Ino started laughing, taking another mouthful of wine.

"If I hadn't just had the cheese and known, I would have pitied you and your sex life! Then again, who am I to judge anyway, I don't have a sex life!"

Both of them were laughing at that point, but only for a few seconds until Sakura had become quiet as two men approached them. Sakura bit her lip and locked eyes with one of them.

"Hello Ino,"

Recognizing the voice she took another mouthful of wine before she looked up. His face was slightly flustered telling Ino he had overheard them talking about their sex life. She had no idea she would run into them.

"Hello Itachi."

"Why don't you sit down, I'm Sakura."

Sakura still hadn't been able to take her eyes off Sasuke. As said, she was also feeling the effect of the white wine. Matteo had overheard the offer to sit down and had started getting the two brothers chairs. It was done then. There was no getting out, Ino cursed to herself. What had possessed Sakura to ask them to join she soon realized. She was practically drooling.

"Thank you, Sakura. I'm Itachi and this is my brother Sasuke."

Ino was feeling awkward. She didn't know the brothers remotely enough to ask them to join for a meal. Not to mention that Itachi had made her cry like a little bitch the last time they saw each other. This was doomed to end in disaster.

"How do you know each other?"

Ino had to kick Sakura's shin to make her look away from Sasuke. It was like Sakura was a snake eying her tasty mouse snack, mere seconds away from unhinging her jaw and eating the poor rodent whole.

Itachi cleared his throat, he wasn't really allowed to answer that question so he made Ino answer it for them.

"Oh, Itachi makes me cry in front of people."

Ino gave a laugh seeing how uncomfortable Itachi got, she put a hand on his shoulder and continued laughing. Sakura narrowed her eyes not following. Damn that wine. Speaking off, Ino had ordered another bottle for the table.

"Don't say that…"

"You're the guy!"

Sakura was suddenly able to place his face. He was the guy, the one that had crashed part of their hospital. He looked older, much older now. The kind of old that doesn't come with age, but experience.

"It is, we know each other because we lost our fucking child, Sasuke who you've been ogling too."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry because of me."

Ino cut her friend short as he was excusing Ino's behavior. Sakura had no reason or power to excuse her behavior on her behalf. Ino finished her glass, Matteo the attentive waiter he was filled it up with the new bottle he brought to the table.

Not only drunk at this point, Ino was mad. She was infuriated with Sakura. She was just sitting their minding her own business feeling better than Ino. Ino scuffed. Sakura wasn't better than her, just because Ino was self-medicating with alcohol. That was the first time she had admitted that to herself.

"Sorry, I'm not myself, because I killed a child today. Now excuse me, I have to go vomit in the bathroom."

Things had gone from good to horrible faster than Sakura could have ever imagined. Was this how her friend was on the inside at normal? Was she just seeing more of Ino's internal emotions now that she was drunk.

"I should go see if she's fine."

Itachi shook his head and got up. He was per definition qualified to handle the kind of mess Ino had turned into. He was trained and experienced in handling such alcohol induced meltdowns. He did not know that Ino turned to the bottle to escape, but he had seen it many times before and knew what it meant. He knew how to deal with drunk and sad.

He knocked on the door and entered. The female bathroom consisted of two stalls and three sinks. Itachi found it much different than male bathrooms. There wasn't only a difference in build, but also aura.

Ino was standing in front of the mirror looking at herself. She was trying to regain control over herself. She cursed herself for letting him get to her. She was supposed to be stronger than that. She was supposed to be a fortress.

"Do you want the gory details?"

She turned against him. They both knew she was looking to get a reaction out off him.

"I knew he wouldn't make it, you know. But it was surgery or letting him die slowly. His parents wanted surgery because that meant a small hope, a hope that I would deliver a miracle. 17 hours I toiled, because inside a four year old everything is so tiny. He was sick, he was tired. He couldn't stand it. It was his heart that gave out."

Ino slowly and gently poked Itachi's chest, over where his heart was. She could feel it beating under her finger. She was trained to analyze with every touch. She didn't touch anyone for cuddles or affection anymore. It was all for inspection and treatment.

"And here you are, drinking."

He was judging her. She could hear it in his voice. He thought he was better than her because he turned his life around. He had taken his loss and turned it into something beautiful. He was helping people. She was doing the opposite. She was killing. Would that child have made it if she had believed she could have saved him? She used to believe she could save everyone that walked into her office, no matter what.

Now she made projections. She made selections. Who wouldn't make it through the first year, who were most likely to relapse, who would live on like they never had been sick?

She could tell who would die and who would make it.

Did she treat them different?

Here she was drinking. There was nothing wrong with drinking. She was drinking because she wanted to forget, not because she had to. She didn't have a problem, she wasn't an addict. She could just as well have chosen to go back to her apartment. This was something she had chosen out of her own free will. She had no addiction.

"You drank too!"

As she was saying it she realized what a bad argument it was. She was indirectly saying that drinking was a problem, and he had one glass since he came. She had pound back three since they came, three generous glasses. Not to mention that she was already tipsy when they came.

"I never accused you of anything."

Ino raised her eyebrows. He was setting her up. This was a trap and she had walked straight into it. She had been blind to the landmine she had just stepped on.

"I think you're attacking me because you know yourself that this isn't healthy."

"I think fuck you!"

She was poking his chest again. It was attacking him now, the movement was hostile. She was attacking him with her tiny finger. He took a step backwards and she followed. She was relentless, before she knew it she was pushing him, slapping him. The anger was back.

This all-consuming anger. She was mad at everyone. She was mad at that boy for giving up on her. How dared he hurt his parents like that. They were the ones she pitied. Not the boy, he had given up on them. She didn't care about what he was losing out on, she cared about the parents who were left behind.

She was mad because she had been left behind. Not only by her son, but also by her husband and friend. They had been able to move on with their lives, but she was stuck. So she drank, because she was allowed to be normal when she was drunk. She was allowed to be honest, she was allowed to be happy and she was allowed to laugh. They all blamed it on the alcohol.

So she was angry.

Angry about being left behind

Angry for being denied her emotions

"Fuck you!"

She was punching now. Ino, who had never once been violent. She was punching this man.

Itachi wrapped his arms around Ino. He knew the anger, he too had felt the anger. The anger that turns you into someone else. The anger that makes you lose control because it is only you and the anger in the whole wide world.

She tried to fight his embrace. Itachi knew that the one thing that spiked Ino's anger more than anything was herself. Ino was her own nemesis. She didn't feel like she was worthy of empathy or comfort. She wasn't worth being helped and held.

The tears came as expected. Ino wasn't hitting his chest anymore, she was bawling her eyes out. Anger and sadness go hand in hand. They often exist in the same space. Her hands were clawing at his chest and shirt. Itachi had gotten used to this at his job. This was something he was familiar with through his job. There was still a difference with Ino. He had never felt desperation as strong as with her, and she reminded her of him when he was at his lowest point.

Ino craved love and affection more than anyone, but she could not think of anyone more unworthy than herself.

"I'm sorry."

Itachi rested his head on hers, bringing her even closer. He deepened his embrace, felt her chest rise and fall against his as she was calming down. Her breath was still rapid, but it was more rhythmic and controlled.

"I was too strict on you last time."