Fun fact: My boyfriend and I met online 4 years ago after shit talking each other anonymously. It's the reason this whole idea came together for me. This must sound pretty cringe, but my head canon for Cartman's personality and looks has always been similar to how I see my partner. Bit of a temper, drives me up the wall, a little obsessive, always scheming for his own amusement and enjoys winding people up. He reads people so well and knows exactly what to say to get a rise out of someone. He's a brute and I hate that I love it. But scratch beneath the surface, he's a good guy that's been through the ringer and just wants a quiet life. Pretty toxic now I'm reading that back LOL, but strangely enough, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Okay, that was getting weirdly personal... and awkward. Anyways, here ya go, my guys and gals and everyone in between!
IT'S A LONG CHAPTER, WANTED TO GIVE BACK WHAT WAS LACKING
The Chat Room Scandal
Chapter Six - Curiosity Grows
Welcome to The ASS! - The Anonymous Social Site, the site where you can converse with anonymous users while keeping your identity unknown! Please enter your username and password..
UPDATE 2.0:
To mark the 1 year anniversary of ASS, we have decided to thank you for your support by gifting you our first serious update since we launched! We never thought the growth of this site would go far, but it has certainly exceeded our expectations. Without further delay, here are some key points to be excited for!
1) Images - You can now send images to each other! This was something the team discussed as we're fond of keeping everything anonymous and we didn't want that key feature to be taken away. To tackle this, you must first upload images to your personal gallery. Don't worry, this gallery can only be accessed by you! From your gallery, you can send any of those images to your anonny friends. This way, your upload gets encrypted and cannot be traced back anywhere. Cool, huh?
2) Private Groups - Create a private group using our new option. Simply add a name, a 4 digit password and voilà! Add up to 8 users.
3) Virtual Avatars - Huge update on your virtual avatar. More options, more choices, more fun! Create the person you want the world to see.
4) Bugs - Fixed a few bugs as per usual. One or two minor glitches, but other than that, everything is working fine.
See any issues? Send them to our help desk located on the main page.
Once again, thank you so much for the support! Together, anonymity will remain.
USERNAME: brainwaves
PASSWORD: XXXXXX
brainwaves has joined chatroom Spawn.
Zero: hey b man!
brainwaves: Hey Zero, seen the new update?
Zero: yeah it's awesome
Zero: Sent an image
Infinity33: Lol wtf
Infinity33: Sent an image
StaticMan: I feel like this new update is more of downgrade tbh
Zero: do you mind? i'm trying to unload my stash of dank memes
Zero: Sent an image
brainwaves: I haven't tried any of the new features yet. Literally just logged on
Infinity33: you haven't missed much, the update only dropped about 10 mins ago
brainwaves: You'll have to walk me through it
brainwaves: We can change our avatars? Think that's what I read
Zero: i thought we could already do that?
StaticMan: Yea same here
Infinity33: More features tho
Infinity33: gonna change mine now brb
Infinity33 has left chat room Spawn.
Zero: good idea
Zero has left chat room Spawn.
Kyle decided to join them, so he tapped out of the chat room. He clicked his profile and selected the option of a coat hanger. Scrolling through the options, he decided to keep it similar to the basic avatar he had before. Fair skin. Green eyes. Dark, auburn hair that could have resembled a shade of brown. The hairstyle he went for was short, with a slight curl to it. A tone down from his natural, red curls in the real world. For the clothes, he selected a white t-shirt that had a pixelated logo in the corner, dark green pants and a set of black sneakers. It didn't look too detailed and he knew his character looked nothing like him in reality, but it still had aspects of his personality there. Just toned down to keep that anonymity. After spending no longer than a few minutes changing his avatar, he saved his new look look and tapped out.
brainwaves has joined chat room Spawn.
Zero: hey check it out!
Kyle noticed a different look to Zero, but clicked on his avatar's head to get a better look. Zero wore a cream baseball hat with shaggy, light hair. He was also wearing a yellow jersey with the number 0 on the front. To match the look, he wore black shorts and yellow sandals. To top it all off, he was wearing one of the accessory options of blue and red 3D glasses. Looks exactly how I imagined he would. Kyle thought to himself and decided to write that exact thing in the chat.
brainwaves: Idk why but you look exactly how I would expect you to look irl
Infinity33: Lmao yeah he lookes like a stoner
Zero: thanks, that was the look i was going for
StaticMan has entered the chat.
brainwaves: Hahaha
StaticMan: Ngl i couldn't really be arsed. too many options and i'm trying to multi-task so i'll prolly do it later
Zero: give me your password, i'll make you the buffest looking avatar and fill your gallery with cute dogs and puppies
Zero: assuming your not into dank memes :(
StaticMan: Sure! my password is SUCKMYCOCK
Zero: is that with or without the caps on?
Private Message from Infinity33 to brainwaves.
Infinity33: Is that what you look like irl?
A little stunned by the message, Kyle quickly typed out a reply.
brainwaves: Uhh
brainwaves: Why're you so concerned?
Infinity33: chill man, just curious
Infinity33: Wtf is your problem today, everything ok?
brainwaves: Nah, shit day
Infinity33: Wanna talk about it?
brainwaves: Nah, I'm good. Honestly
StaticMan: Sure! my password is SUCKMYCOCK
Zero: is that with or without the caps on?
Zero: oh wait you were joking LOL mb
StaticMan: Dummy
StaticMan: Whats everyone up to tonight then?
Zero: just ate my entire weight in ice cream
Zero: no regrets
StaticMan: You absolute unit. I'm watching 90 day fiance
Zero: aw man i love that show
Zero: my man big ed, hes so #misunderstood
StaticMan: You serious? Dude's a fucking douche bag hahaha
Zero: bigger the head, bigger the heart, thats what i say
Kyle observed the conversation, bored out of his mind. He wasn't interested in participating right now. He dropped his phone into his lap and glanced at the TV. What a coincidence. He thought as he turned off the TV currently showing 90 Day Fiance. He sat there for a moment, pondering the events that occurred earlier in the day when he almost had a bust up with Cartman. Part of him wished he didn't react so negatively to Kenny's plan, but the other part of him was so fixated on the missed punch to Cartman's jaw. Hindsight's a bitch. He thought as he stood up from the couch and made his way upstairs to his room.
Turning on his speaker, he scrolled through Spotify and clicked shuffle on Kenny's Mix Tape Volume 1 playlist. He took a seat by his desk and pulled out his English Literature text book. Biting off the lid of a yellow highlighter, Kyle began to underline key points in an attempt to revise for his exams.
His revision started off well. But after ten minutes of hard concentration, he heard the word Kike. He blinked hard, trying to shake off the voice inside his head. Kike. He heard again. The grip on his pen tightened as he read the same sentence over and over again. Kike. The voice spoke much louder this time. So loud, Kyle spun his head around expecting to see Cartman leering over him. Kike. Flinching, the redhead growled in anger, stood up and threw his books completely off the table. The sudden outburst caused Kyle's adrenaline to pump, but his heart rate soon fell as he noticed the three-day-old cup of water had tipped all over the carpet, wetting his school books.
"For fuck sake!" He spat, frustrated with himself. He quickly dropped to the floor and soaked up the water with a near by t-shirt. "Thanks Cartman, you cunt." He muttered through gritted teeth. After patting the wet pages down with the piece of cloth, he settled the books back to their previous position on the desk. He sat back down on his chair and observed the damp mess.
"There's no way I can do this." He concluded, before neglecting his revision completely and plopped down on the bed. He picked up his phone and was surprised to see that he was still in the chat.
Private Message From brainwaves to Infinity33.
brainwaves: You ever had that one person in your life that you absolutely fucking hate?
Infinity33: I have a long list, yes
Infinity33: family issues?
brainwaves: You could say that
brainwaves: I wouldn't really say he was family though
Infinity33: I get you. wanna explain what happened?
brainwaves: Ehhhhhhhhh
brainwaves: Long story short, the guy agitated me. Humiliated me in front of my family
Kyle knew this wasn't strictly true, but he decided not to dwell on certain details. He was angry right now and just needed to vent to someone. Anyone.
Infinity33: I see
Infinity33: what did they say?
brainwaves: Well, it's not really what they said
brainwaves: It's the way they say it
brainwaves: It's just who they are
brainwaves: And there's nothing I can do about it
brainwaves: I just hate them
brainwaves: Like everything they do pisses me off
Infinity33: So, if he didn't say anything in particular... how did he humiliate you?
brainwaves: Look it doesn't matter, it's too complicated to explain
Infinity33: Listen, it's cool
Infinity33: you don't need to explain, I actually completely understand what you mean
brainwaves: You do?
Infinity33: Yh. I got people in my life that I despise for no reason at all
Infinity33: sometimes its just the way someone looks at me. my whole mood can change in a split second the moment they enter the room
brainwaves: Yeah?
Infinity33: and all I see is red. I got that tunnel vision lol
brainwaves: What the fuck, ikr?!
brainwaves: Dude, that's legit how I feel
brainwaves: Yeah, like I could be having a great day, but the moment they enter the room?
brainwaves: Forget about it man
Infinity33: Lol, you want me to cheer you up?
brainwaves: You good at cheering people up?
Infinity33: Usually, no
Infinity33: but on this occasion, I think I can manage putting a smile on that face
Kyle blinked. He wasn't sure how to take that last comment, but it did ease his stress, even if it was only just a little.
Infinity33: you got spotify?
brainwaves: Yeah
Infinity33: on melancholy hill by Gorillaz i think, play that
brainwaves: Hang on, I'll play it now
Kyle tapped onto the app and searched for the song. He knew of Gorillaz, but wasn't exactly a fan. After finding the song, he disconnected the speaker and shoved a pair of headphones in. Closing his eyes, he fully immersed himself into the music. The upbeat, yet nostalgic tune began to ease the tension in his shoulders and his mind cleared away from that agitating voice from earlier. His thumb tapped against his thigh throughout the song and part of him started to wonder why he hadn't heard this song before. After it finished, he played it again in the background.
brainwaves: I like that
Infinity33: Oh yeah?
Infinity33: what do you like about it?
brainwaves: Feel like I've heard it before
brainwaves: Reminds me of being a kid lol
Infinity33: hits you right in the feels that one
brainwaves: Yeah lol
brainwaves: Got anymore?
Infinity33: You asking me for a second song?
brainwaves: I am :p
Infinity33: You smiling now?
Kyle couldn't help but tug a smile.
brainwaves: :(
Infinity33: alright alright lol
Infinity33: just quickly, what sort of thing are you into?
brainwaves: Uhh
brainwaves: I'm pretty open minded, I guess?
brainwaves: I can take pretty much anything
brainwaves: Just as long as it's not too hardcore
Infinity33: Mhm
Infinity33: Are we still talking about music?
Kyle flushed slightly as he re-read what he just sent. He quickly typed out a reply.
brainwaves: YES
Infinity33: Shame.
Infinity33: alright, figured you were more... softcore, so take a listen to this. it's called Hummer by foals
Infinity33: idk if you're into indie shit but it aint that bad. more of a workout song lol
brainwaves: I actually really like Indie music. I like Foals but idk if I've heard that song. I'll give it a listen now
Kyle did the same as before and found the song he was told to listen to. Clicking back on the app, the music began to lift his mood. It was jumpy and full of adrenaline. Something he needed. Something he liked.
brainwaves: You're right, it does make you wanna go and work out lol. Feel like I want to go for a run
Infinity33: Lol, told you
Infinity33: I got shit loads of songs. its pretty hard to choose just one to give you to listen to
brainwaves: Maybe we should share an account lmao
Infinity33: hm
Infinity33: thats actually a genious idea
brainwaves: I was joking
Infinity33: I know
Infinity33: still a good idea though
Infinity33: could listen to the same music together
Infinity33: would save you like 5 bucks a month too
brainwaves: You serious about doing this?
Infinity33: Fuck it, why not
brainwaves: Wait, you would trust me with your account details?
Infinity33: its only a spotify account bro, not my bank details
brainwaves: Lol, would you trust me with that too?
Infinity33: Would I fuck
Infinity33: i don't even trust my best friend with my bank details
brainwaves: Hahaha
brainwaves: Well if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't fuck you over even if you did
Infinity33: I know you wouldn't. known you for like 6 months now
brainwaves: 6 months? Fuck
Infinity33: ikr
Infinity33: You a little curious?
brainwaves: Curious? What do you mean?
Infinity33: about what I look like
brainwaves: Oh
brainwaves: Sorry didn't realize what you meant lol
brainwaves: I am pretty curious
brainwaves: I mean I've spent the last 6 months raiding rooms and siding with you in arguments lol, ofc I'm curious
brainwaves: Are you?
Infinity33: Honestly?
brainwaves: Yeah, tell me
Infinity33: I'm curious as hell
Infinity33: I wanna know what the fuck you look like and have done prolly since the moment we spoke on here
brainwaves: Isn't it like that with everyone on here though?
Infinity33: yeah and its fucking annoying lmfao
Infinity33: but i talk to you the most, so its even more annoying
Infinity33: that's why i asked if thats what you really look like so i can get some kind of image instead of those shitty basic af avatars we had before the update
brainwaves: Haha, well let's just say, it does kinda resemble me but a slight difference. I mean, it's a pixel so it's not going to look identical to me irl
Infinity33: Cool
Infinity33: at least i got some sort of mental image of you in my head now
brainwaves: What about you, does yours resemble you?
As Kyle asked this question, he clicked onto Infinity33's avatar and noticed his key features of short brunette hair with a full grown beard. He wore a gray, long sleeved t-shirt with long black shorts and red trainers. A pretty basic avatar, but it was an upgrade from before.
Infinity33: I guess so, minus the beard
Infinity33: beards are cool
brainwaves: I like it
Infinity33: I like yours
Kyle was lost for words. What do I say now? He thought, thumbs idling above the screen. Glancing at the clock, he used this is a reason to leave. Not that he really wanted to as he was enjoying the virtual company, but the conversation had ran dry and that last reply from Infinity33 took Kyle off guard.
brainwaves: Hah
brainwaves: Listen, I gotta go. Got my exams in the coming months and all I'm doing is procastinating
Infinity33: Lol, yeah no problem
brainwaves: I'll speak to you soon?
Infinity33: sure thing. i'll sort this spotify thing out
brainwaves: Yeah, that sounds cool man
Infinity33: good luck on your revision
Infinity33: goodnight
brainwaves: Goodnight :)
Infinity33: cyaaa
"Cartman, just apologize, man."
"Apologize? Is that a joke? I'm not the one who tried to punch me."
"You did call him a, you know what."
"What, a kike? Fucking hell, Kenny, it's a goddam word. Who gets offended over a fucking word?"
The blond sighed, resting his head against the window of his car. He was driving himself and Cartman to Stan's house. They planned to take advantage of the weekend away Stan's parents were having and use it as an opportunity to get as drunk as possible before exams and graduation would inevitably prevent them from doing all the things they used to do.
"Look, we're almost there now. Can you hold back on riling him up this time?"
"Ken," Cartman sighed, gesturing his hands in the air as he spoke. "I try. I know you don't think I do, but I fucking try and hold back. It's not me that you need to have this conversation with."
"Yeah, I know." Kenny spoke softly. "I just don't want us to split, you know?"
Cartman glanced at his friend, before the sight of Stan's house distracted his thoughts. He wanted to ask Kenny to elaborate, but it was a long conversation to have and they didn't have that kind of time right now.
After parking on the curb outside Stan's house, Kenny and Cartman jumped out of the truck and welcomed themselves inside. They were greeted by Wendy and Heidi, who were taking selfies with Sparky the dog in the hallway and greeted once again by Clyde and Craig in the living room.
"Decided to turn this into a party after all, did we, Stanny boy?" Kenny yelled out as the raven threw him a beer.
"I didn't invite them. Bebe's idea." Stan replied as he popped the top from a bottle of cider with the use of his Father's personalised bottle opener.
"Who else is here then?" The blonde asked.
"Token and Tweek are coming later. Not sure who invited them, but I just got a text from Butters telling me he's on his way and that Token and Tweek are closing up together. Whatever that means."
"Tweek doesn't drive. Needed a ride from the shop." Clyde chimed in, not looking up from his phone.
"Alright. And where's Kyle?" Kenny wondered.
"I'm right here, don't panic." Kyle said on cue, appearing with two cans of beer. He made his way over to Kenny and walked straight past him. Kenny turned to see Kyle offering Cartman a drink, which the brunette accepted with caution.
"Look, let's just forget it, okay?"
The pair made eye contact for a brief moment and Kyle was the first to look away. The tension was there and this could have gone either two ways, Cartman understood. He could have remained annoyed and refused to take the olive branch, or just forget about what happened and have a decent night with his friends. He knew which option would please everyone, but he wasn't going to completely bend to everyone's will. "Why, thank you Kaahl, I accept your apology." Cartman spoke, but gave his friend a playful smile. Although the comment sparked annoyance in Kyle, he decided to play along.
"No problem, Fatass. Hey, be careful when you open that thing."
Cartman's eyes dropped to the can in his hand and contemplated on grabbing a new one. He looked back up at the smug redhead and knew straight away he was bluffing. Without hesitation, he opened the can and was partly surprised when nothing happened.
"You need to work on your lying skills. It's written all over your face." Cartman teased, taking a thirsty swig.
"Well maybe you should stop focusing on my face and focus on the shit that comes out of that fat mouth of yours."
"Right, that's enough." Kenny demanded as he rushed over to diffuse the situation.
As the blond said this, Cartman's wit got the better of him. He lowered his voice and leaned forward slightly so only Kyle could hear. "Something pretty about my mouth, hm?"
In awe at that comment, Kyle blinked, his mouth slightly open and lost for words. The ball was in his court and he wasn't quick enough to throw it back. He was completely speechless and was certain that Cartman made that comment especially for him to hear. Cartman gave him a wink, before turning his attention to Kenny.
"Dude, calm down. We're just messing around."
Kenny glanced between the two and felt reassured after Kyle gave him a nod. "Good, I'm glad." The blond grinned and turned to Stan, who was standing in the archway of the kitchen. "Does that mean we can start doing shots now?"
"Sure." Stan shrugged, before going away to grab a bottle of vodka.