SewWithTheFlow: Attention- Lost squirrel! Responds to the name Squirrel Girl, and wears a yellow ribbon

YoItsTippyToe: CHUKT CHIKK CHITTY CHRIKT, CHIRRT CHUK

SewWithTheFlow: Thanks for translating my message to Squirrelese so the squirrels can help us find her too

SewWithTheFlow: Attention criminals, please do not commit crimes just because I'm looking for a squirrel that shares a name with a super hero

SewWithTheFlow: This is definitely a different squirrel and the actual Squirrel Girl is still going to kick criminal butts

SewWithTheFlow: Just to be safe, anyone thinking of committing crimes should just stay home or turn themselves into the police immediately

EpicCrimez: Hey internet! Special Livestream tonight!

Doreen hated the collar around her neck. Where EpicCrimez had found a collar designed to fit a squirrel, she couldn't even guess. But more annoying was the leash attached to the collar. It wasn't even long enough to reach from where it attached at the villain's beltloop to the floor. She'd jumped off his shoulder once, only to dangle around his knee, spinning uncontrollably.

EpicCrimez had concealed Doreen in the pet carrier as they left the house, presumably to keep her from knowing her whereabouts. But upon stopping the vehicle, he'd attached the leash and allowed her free reign of his right shoulder.

"Alright, followers, see this building?"

Said building was worn down with wooden boards covering every window and door. The only thing more prevalent than dust was graffiti. It was likely home to more than a few squatters, judging by the discarded coats by the door and the empty beer bottles that still smelled fresh.

"This has been an eyesore in my community for too long," EpicCrimez continued. "Now it's going to be the perfect place to play with my new toy!" He pulled a flamethrower from his backpack. Doreen had seen the end of it sticking out the top, but had assumed it to be a regular rifle of some sort.

"Please at least make sure there's no one inside first," Doreen said without much hope.

"I found this just lying around the other day, can you believe it! Imagine me, going to the grocery store, and seeing a jeep with a flamethrower in the passenger seat!"

EpicCrimez began to show his followers the different settings on his flamethrower while Doreen began to shout. "Hey! Are there any squirrels around here! I need your help!"

EpicCrimez stopped his explanations to smack Doreen's head. "If you don't shut up, you'll be in the building when I light it up."

Tbh it might be easier to escape without EpicCrimez watching her every move. "Hey, squirrel friends! I'm about to be trapped in a burning building! Please send help, and also get word to Nancy Whitehead, if possible!"

EpicCrimez glared at her, then smirked. "Well, I was going to try to draw this out a little more, but it looks like Squirrel Girl is ready to take a look inside. Let's see what we can find!"

"Someone, please tell Nancy where I am!"

EpicCrimez walked around to the back of the building, where a wooden board had been torn off. McDonalds bags and discarded food wrappers were strewn in front of the opening.

"Okay, we're just gonna go ahead and turn the camera to night vision."

As EpicCrimez's phone screen turned varying shades of green, Doreen looked around with her regular squirrel vision since it was midday and not even that dark actually. There were no squatters here, at least not human ones. A bunch of squirrels were huddled in the shadows.

Wide-eyed, Doreen said, "You guys need to get out of here! This guy is going to burn down the building!"

"How do you know?" wondered an old grey squirrel (grey in the sense that he was old and grey, and also that was his species).

"I speak Human," Doreen explained. "I'm Squirrel Girl, and am actually normally human. Mostly."

"Are you here to burn it down with him?" a younger squirrel accused.

"No, but I think he's going to trap me here somehow."

There was a chorus of horrified squirrel squeaks, and a loud "Stop talking at them!" from EpicCrimez.

"We'll get you out before we flee," promised another squirrel.

Doreen smiled in gratitude. "Someone should leave to find my friend Nancy Whitehead. She's human, but she knows Squirrelese."

Enraged with her disobedience, EpicCrimez growled at her. And though she enjoyed the animalistic display, she definitely did not enjoy hanging from a dusty light fixture as the leash spun and swung back and forth. But she was able to see two of the squirrels scamper out to find Nancy, so hopefully things would turn out okay.

EpicCrimez spoke again to his followers, explaining his nefarious plan to improve his view by burning the building... with Squirrel Girl inside. As far as plans went, it wasn't very creative. And if Doreen had been able to speak English, she'd have told him so.

As it was, Doreen was looking around for an escape route. Her main objective was to save the squirrel family and herself, but ideally she'd save the building, too.

She tried to grab the leash but her tiny squirrel arms were designed for grasping tree bark and acorns, not for grabbing at stiff waxy restraints. The smell of gasoline wafted into the room and Doreen realized that EpicCrimez must've had more than just the flamethrower with him. She also realized her time was running out.

Two other squirrels leaped onto the light fixture and began to gnaw at the threads holding her aloft. Doreen also managed to finally snag a stray thread with her claw and painstakingly pulled herself up to their level.

She and the other two squirrels chewed furiously at the leash until it finally tore and then snapped. Doreen's tail instinctively twisted to help her land safely, but it probably also pulled a stitch or two.

"Thank you!" she cried. The other squirrels followed her down. "Are your friends looking for Nancy?"

The smaller squirrel nodded. "They are going to ask around until they find her."

"Awesome! She'll be able to help save your home. Does anyone else live here?"

The larger squirrel shook his head. "No more squirrels. But humans like to come here at night and sleep."

So this building did host squatters. Doreen was determined to save this home for them. "We need to stop EpicCrimez! I'll distract and attack him. You guys get as many friends as you can find and pile on him so he can't light the fire!"

The squirrels agreed with determined nods. Doreen left through a tiny hole in the wall and found EpicCrimez showing off his flamethrower again. Since she was still attached to the leash, she tied the end into a loop and threw herself at her enemy, catching the flamethrower with her makeshift lasso.

"Curse you, Squirrel Girl! You always get in my way!" EpicCrimez whined. "Give me back my flamethrower!"

"It wasn't yours to begin with!" Doreen retorted as she ran across his body.

The flamethrower hit the ground with a short burst of flame, lighting the dry grass around them.

"See what you did! Now there's an actual fire that can spread! I only wanted to burn this one building!"

"Unless we put it out somehow, the building will still burn! Call the fire department!"

Doreen abandoned her tormenting of him in favor of searching for a hose or some other way to extinguish the flame. It grew larger and hotter by the second. EpicCrimez ran to the safety of his vehicle to watch.

If this building had ever had a water hose, it had been shut off and removed long ago. Running out of options, Doreen ran back to EpicCrimez. She climbed onto the car and knocked.

The window rolled down an inch. Doreen could probably squeeze through if she was determined to enter, but that wasn't her goal. She pointed to his phone.

"What? What about my followers?" EpicCrimez asked.

Doreen shook her head and did her best to make a "phone" gesture, with her two end fingers out and her paw by her ear.

"Who am I supposed to be calling?"

Doreen sighed and scratched into his window (backwards so he could read it from inside), "Call 911".

"I'm no snitch!" EpicCrimez said while streaming a video of the whole event to the internet.

Doreen squeaked, "If anyone watching can understand me, please call the fire department! Innocent squirrels and homeless people live here!"

"I don't know what you're trying to say to me, but I think I've got enough footage here. Peace out, Squirrel Girl!" EpicCrimez drove away. The movement cause Doreen to fall to the pavement.

As she sat up, a swarm of squirrels entered her vision. Two familiar squirrels led the bunch. "We got all our friends, but it looks like we were too late," the large squirrel said sadly.

Doreen looked back at the fire, which had just reached the building. "Maybe not. Where do you normally get water to drink?"

The smaller squirrel said, "There's a hole in the ground in the back that always collects rainwater. But there won't be nearly enough there to put out a fire that big."

Doreen's mind ran through her usual crisis resolution techniques. Bury the threat in squirrels? Punch the threat? Talk to threat?

She should really add more techniques for nonliving threats.

"Anyone else have any ideas?" Doreen asked.

The other squirrels all answered in the negative. But a voice from behind Doreen said, "I have an idea."

Doreen's eyes lit up. "Nancy! You found me!"

Nancy was standing with Mary and Koi Boi. Tippy Toe sat atop her shoulder, and at her feet were the two squirrels who had left to find her.

"We can catch up later. For now, let's deal with the fire."

Koi Boi said something in Whale, and a few seconds later a shower of water rained down on them.

"How did you do that?" Doreen asked in awe.

"The zoo is next door, and the whale enclosure is actually conveniently close," Koi Boi explained. "But Jenny's job is just to maintain the fire until --"

He was cut off by the sound of sirens. "Oh, that'll be the firefighters!"

"Chipmunk Hunk should be here in a minute," Mary said. "He was just watching the rest of EpicCrimez's stream, in case there were any other updates."

Doreen grinned as she allowed herself to run to Nancy in embrace her in a hug. In her head, it was a dramatic, cinematic moment that went something like this: Squirrel Girl ran in slow motion to Nancy's arms while fire and explosions filled the background. A powerfully sweet song played as they reunited!

In reality, Doreen forgot the leash was still attached to her neck and she managed to trip and tie herself up.

Nancy was kind enough to stifle her chuckle. And kind enough to untangle her.

The firefighters arrived and told Nancy and friends to get off the property. Then they saw the hundreds of squirrels in the yard and sheepishly told them to leave, too.

Doreen enjoyed the familiar surroundings of home that night, but she enjoyed Nancy speaking even more. "So even though I wanted to find where you were, I helped the baby squirrels get back to their mom. After that, I told all the squirrels to keep an eye out for you, and watched for an EpicCrimez update online. I also filed a police report, but apparently 'squirrel kidnapping' isn't a real crime."

"Yeah, I found out that one the hard way, too," Doreen grumbled, but she was still too happy to let any real annoyance show.

"We all watched the livestream, but it still didn't help us find you. We tried tracking his IP address, but he's got some good security."

"That explains why the police don't find him, I guess," Doreen said.

Nancy continued to explain how she'd recognized the zoo outside the car window in EpicCrimez's stream, and then continued watching on her phone as she Ubered there. However, she decided to walk upon hearing Doreen tell the squirrels to find her, so that she could intercept them on their way.

Doreen smiled. "I love how courteous you are to squirrels."

Nancy grinned back. "Only after you showed me how cool they are."

Nancy's phone vibrated and Mary's face appeared on the screen. Nancy answered. "Hello?... Uh, yeah, why?... Yeah... Wait, really?... Really?... You're sure?... Yeah, but... Okay, yeah, come on over."

At Doreen's questioning glance, Nancy said, somewhat needlessly, "Mary's on her way here."

"Why, though?"

"Something in EpicCrimez's video gave her some idea for how to get you back to normal, and she needs DNA samples."

Doreen felt her tail perk up as her eyes widened. "Really? Like, for real she has a way to get me back?"

Nancy smiled and nodded. "Well, she seems sure, at least."

"That's awesome!" Doreen cheered. "I have the best and smartest friends ever!"

There came a knock at the door long before Mary could have reasonably arrived, so Nancy opened it with some confusion.

Mary and Tomas stood in the doorway. "Hey, guys. I decided to take the Chipmunk Hunk Express. I knew having a superhero boyfriend would have it's perks!"

The two made themselves comfortable on the couch. Mary said, "So I've got things almost done. Honestly, I just had to make some tweaks to my original design--"

"Tweaks," Tomas scoffed fondly.

"Alright, just a minor redesign," Mary corrected. "Anyway, I just need some DNA. Hair samples would be the best."

"Hair from my head?" Doreen confirmed with a glance over her currently-very-hairy body. "My brush probably has some."

"Hair and tail," Mary said. "But... probably from your human-sized tail if possible. I don't know how much your DNA changed when you turned into a squirrel."

"Oh. That... might be tricky actually. I did use a different brush for my tail -- Hard bristle brushes are so rough on it! -- but Tippy and I share that one."

Mary looked only slightly less determined than before. "Let's take a look anyway. I really only need a hair or two. You and tippy have different fur colors so I'm sure we can differentiate."

Doreen led the way into her bedroom and haphazardly grabbed both brushes. (The larger, soft-bristle brush fell to the floor so she just sort of pushed it in the general direction of everyone else).

Tomas picked up the fallen brush to examine the clump of fur. "Uh, this one is darker than this one, so I think it's probably Doreen's?"

Nancy checked it. "But that one is more grey. I think it's Tippy's. What about this one?"

Doreen could see the nearly black hair from the floor. "That one is definitely Tippy's. She has a few dark hairs in her tail."

"So do you!" Nancy said, but she placed the hair aside

Mary plucked a bright orange hair from the other brush and joined the rest in their debate. After a few minutes of deliberation, Mary asked, "What about the shower drain?"

Nancy and Doreen both shook their heads. Nancy said, "We have a rule to clear the drain every time we shower. And I've definitely thrown out the trash since the transformation. Also, Doreen has used the shower as a squirrel, too, so at that point we might as well just pull one off her and be done with it."

Mary and Tomas regarded Doreen with looks of "why" and "how" respectively. Doreen twitched her tail. "I may be an animal now but I'm still human. I like showers."

Mary deliberated. "I guess we could just pluck a hair out. The risk of possible mutation is better than a complete DNA mismatch."

Nancy suddenly wore an odd expression and failed to hide the cute blush which darkened her cheeks. "Actually, I think I know where to find a tail hair that's definitely Doreen's."

"Where?" Doreen asked, trying to imagine what in the world Nancy was imagining.

"It's, um, I'll tell you later." Nancy disappeared into her bedroom for a minute and returned with a notebook.

"I couldn't...well, it's in here." Nancy held up the notebook so they could all see the three-inch brown hair taped to the page with a note underneath which read "From Squirrel Girl's Tail (Found On Couch After Movie Marathon)"

"What's this notebook?" Doreen asked.

Nancy didn't acknowledge the question. "I can't get the tape off the paper, but will this work?"

"Sure, hand it over and I'll get the tape off," Mary said. With a long fingernail, Mary carefully peeled back the tape to remove the hair. "Come over tomorrow morning, and I should be able to get you back to normal, Doreen."

"Thanks, Mary!" Doreen said.

Mary excitedly left, jumping onto Tomas's back while she talked excitedly about her ideas. Tomas jumped away with an endearing expression directed toward his girlfriend.

Now that Doreen and Nancy were left alone, Doreen asked, "Why did you tape one of my tail hairs in that notebook?"

Nancy's blush returned. "I, uh… After I met you, I just started keeping track of things I noticed about you. Like… a superhero log, or whatever."

Doreen was momentarily confused until she remembered that "log" had a meaning beyond "fallen trunk of tree".

"Can I see what else is in there?"

"Sure, I guess," Nancy said. "It's kind of embarrassing though."

Doreen started with the first page, which described the bank heist that truly introduced Nancy to Squirrel Girl. She explained how she'd determined Squirrel Girl's identity after recognizing Tippy Toe. The next page was a slightly cartoonish drawing of Doreen's superhero persona, along with notes about each part of her costume.

Other pages grew more unusual in detail, listing things such as her favorite foods, her body measurements (presumably from when Nancy had redesigned her costume), and sweetest of all she'd listed the named of all the squirrels she'd been introduced to.

Throughout the notebook, certain lines had been scribbled out so that Doreen couldn't read what it had originally said. Near the end, one of the scribbled lines was less obscured. It said "...and I can't stop thinking about her."

Doreen stared at the passage to make sure she hadn't misread anything. The page had been detailing Squirrel Girl's personality, and it ended with that line. That small scribbled line which Nancy had tried to conceal, even in this notebook which was expected to remain hidden.

"I can't stop thinking about her."