Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

…

Kyukogo's scream rang across the city.

"YOUR DIVINITY!" Onimusha bellowed.

"Pterajonin! Get rid of this smoke, NOW!" Tyrajonin bellowed.

The giant pterodactyl promptly began flapping her wings, generating a terrific gust of wind which blew away the noxious cloud, allowing everyone to breathe again…

And revealing a shocked Bakano, sword extended…

Into the stomach of Akira, the Tyrannosaurus tribeswoman clenching her fangs as she gripped the blade with both hands, blood dripping from her cut palms onto the ground, her hair and aura red as her dinpo surged around her.

On the ground behind her, Kyukogo stared up at the red ninja in horror and disbelief. "Your Divinity!" Onimusha cried, rushing to her side, along with Asteroibotchi and several very concerned Uchuhage. "Are you all right?!"

"She… She saved me…" Kyukogo stammered, dazed, gazing at Akira's back, eyes shimmering with wonder.

"Of course I did," Akira grunted, spitting up blood. "We haven't shaken hands yet."

"NO!" Mozu shrieked in anguish.

"You idiot," Sora snarled.

Tricerajonin shook his head in despair. "Oh, Bakano, what have you done?"

"BAKANO!" Tyrajonin roared, eyes turning red as dinpo ignited around her. "I WILL DEVOUR YOU FOR THIS!"

"I didn't… I didn't mean to!" Bakano stammered, letting go of his sword and stumbling back. "She just… she just leapt right in front of my blade! Why… why would you do that?! She's the enemy!"

"Bakano," Akira hissed through her teeth as she ripped out the sword and flung it to the side. "What, exactly, did you think would happen if you'd actually succeeded?"

"I would have killed the leader of the bad guys and saved the world," Bakano cried, as if it were obvious. "I would be a hero, and everyone would love me and I would make Hokage and you would marry me!"

Akira groaned as she clutched her chest wound. "Okay, first of all, we don't have Hokages, you've been watching too much Naruto-"

"You would've made the position just for me," Bakano insisted.

Akira's eye twitched. "Second, there is no circumstance in this or any other world where I would ever marry you-"

"You've never even given me a chance!" Bakano whined.

"I'M GAY, YOU IDIOT!" She shouted.

Bakano considered this. "Are you sure you haven't found the right man?"

Everyone stared at him blankly, flabbergasted that he had been stupid enough to say that. Mistakenly taking this as an invitation to continue, he said, "Or, wait, maybe I could get a gender change operation, I'm sure we have a technique that can do the trick-"

"Bakano," Akira said slowly, trembling with so much rage she could barely see straight. "Every word that comes out of your mouth makes me want to rip out your throat with my teeth. This conversation is literally more painful than the sword you drove into my stomach."

Onimusha blinked once, twice, then turned to look at the Shinobiryu and other ninjas incredulously. "You know, for a minute, I entertained the possibility that you'd lured Her Divinity out here for some sort of assassination attempt… But there's no way anyone would ever contract an assassin this stupid. Who in all the Hells is he?!"

Tricerajonin cringed. "He's… A member of my tribe. One of my pupils."

"Well, no disrespect intended, but you've been doing a TERRIBLE job!" An angry Uchuhage shouted.

Tricerajonin sighed in resignation. "I am well aware."

Tetsu shook his head in disbelief. I can't believe she hasn't killed him already. I certainly would have.

"And I would have a hard time condemning you for it," Ankylojonin murmured.

After managing to rein back enough of her temper so she didn't give herself an aneurysm, Akira continued laying into the worst ninja in the history of the clan. "And finally, sure, you would've killed Kyukogo… And I suppose the rest of her army would just up and leave?"

Bakano hesitated. "… Yes?"

Tricerajonin facepawed. "I have failed you on so many levels…"

"Bakano, we were in the middle of negotiating a more or less peaceable way to deal with this instead of a full-fledged invasion," Akira said slowly, as if to a very stupid child, which was probably insulting to stupid children all over the world. "By attacking and possibly killing the leader of the invading force under a flag of truce, not only would you have utterly ruined any chance for future negotiations, but the Youkaliens would probably launch a massive attack in retribution, one which we would have no chance of fending off!"

"She's right, we would have, and we would have been well within our rights to," Onimusha agreed.

"Yeah, well… You guys were about to sell out the entire human race!" Bakano insisted, red in the face. "You're willing to actually talk with these monsters and let them capture and enslave innocent people, and go out of your way not to kill them just because they asked nicely?! We're ninjas! We kill monsters! It's our whole thing! Our clan was literally founded to FIGHT the Youkaliens and monsters like them! Tetsu, back me up on this, you hate Youkai, right?"

I do hate Youkai, Tetsu agreed, shaking with so much anger he had trouble signing. That doesn't mean I would violate a flag of truce to kill them, especially if it meant possibly making things worse!

"Bakano, I will admit that you do have… Something almost like a point," Pterajonin very, very reluctantly admitted, looking as if she'd rather crawl through broken glass then say it. "But as someone who has fought against the Youkaliens before, I can assure you they are not like their predecessors. And… Okay, yes, I suppose we are effectively condemning an as-yet-to-be-determined fraction of the population to slavery, but at least this way it will only be temporary – save for those who will choose to stay with them willingly, because apparently we as a society have failed them– as opposed to the far more permanent danger they would be in if we hadn't opened up negotiations."

"It's not an ideal solution, nor is it one we are entirely happy with," Raptorjonin confessed. "But this seems like our best alternative to yet another all-out invasion. "

"Do we actually have the authority to be doing this in the first place?" Mozu wondered with a frown.

Tetsu scoffed. What, would you rather leave this to the politicians?

The kunoichi admitted he had a point.

Bakano rolled his eyes. "Come on, there's no way they're going to keep their promise and let anyone go even if we beat them! They're bad guys, and bad guys NEVER keep their word! They've obviously been lying about everything right from the start, and you guys have just been believing it for some reason, because you're too chicken to kill them all where they stand!"

Tyrajonin snarled furiously, saliva dripping from her jaws. "Spoken like a whelp who has never experienced true war. You do not know what it was like in those days, Bakano. You do not know the things we had to do, the sacrifices we were forced to make to win. If you did, you might have some modicum of understanding as to why we will do whatever we deem necessary to prevent a similar war from ever happening again."

"And how dare you accuse me of falsehood! I haven't been lying about anything!" a hurt Kyukogo protested.

"Which is exactly what a liar would say!" Bakano cried triumphantly.

"Boy," Onimusha said coldly, slamming his kanabo into the ground. "Do you know what the penalty for attempted regicide and violating a flag of truce is in the Youkalien Star Hegemony?"

Bakano rolled his eyes. "Five minutes in the corner? No cookies after dinner? No bedtime story?"

"Death," the ogre snarled. "Sentence to be carried out immediately."

Bakano started. "W-wait, what?! I thought you guys didn't do that sort of thing!"

Onimusha sneered. "That's funny, I thought you said we were lying about everything. If you really believed that, then this shouldn't come as that big a surprise, should it?"

"As it so happens, we don't do capital punishment," Kyukogo said angrily, glancing with concern at Akira, who seemed to be having trouble standing up. There was so much blood… "For misdemeanors. For the really big crimes, we make certain… Exceptions."

"Th-that's… I… Sensei, help!" Bakano wailed pathetically.

Before Tricerajonin could open his mouth, Akira suddenly cried out and fell to her knees. "AKIRA!" Both Tyrajonin and Mozu bellowed in fear and fury.

"It's all right, I've got her!" Kyukogo cried, wrapping her arms around the ninja and holding her to her chest. Her tails wrapped around them to form a big, floofy cocoon and started glowing gold. "I'll heal her injuries. It's the least I can do, after she got them saving my life."

"Youkaliens, step aside!" Tyrajonin snarled roughly as Onimusha, Asteroibotchi, and the Uchuhage angrily started surrounding the terrified Bakano. "He nearly killed my daughter and almost triggered a war between our peoples. This pitiful wretch has blighted our clan for far too long! Allow me to finally put him out of our collective misery!"

The Youkaliens regarded the giant, outraged biomechanical mother dinosaur Queen for a moment, and wisely stepped away from Bakano, who had already soiled himself in fright. "He's all yours," Asteroibotchi said.

As Tyrajonin bellowed and started charging towards Bakano, the doomed ninja screamed, "Sensei! Sensei, HELP!"

Tricerajonin squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his teeth, took a deep breath, then shouted, "WAIT!"

As Bakano sighed in relief, Tyrajonin whirled on the Triceratops, eyes burning with anger. "YOU DARE-"

"My Queen, Bakano is my student. My responsibility," Tricerajonin pleaded. "It is because of my failures as a teacher that he has disgraced us so. Allow me to be the one to discipline him."

Tyrajonin regarded him for a moment, her anger ebbing, but only just so. "He almost killed my daughter," she growled. "And could have triggered a war."

"And you have my word that he will be punished accordingly," Tricerajonin vowed. "Your Majesty, please. You would do the same if it were Akira."

"My daughter would never fuck up badly enough to put herself in such a situation the first place," Tyrajonin snapped, before calming herself down somewhat. "But you are correct, he is of your tribe, so it is your right to deal with him. Just make sure that he is dealt with properly."

"I will," Tricerajonin promised. "It's something I should have done a long time ago."

Tyrajonin stepped aside, and Tricerajonin advanced towards his wayward student. "Oh, thank you, sensei, thank you-" a grateful Bakano started babbling.

"Pick up your sword."

Bakano blinked. "Sensei?"

Tricerajonin nodded at Bakano's discarded, bloodstained blade. "Pick up your sword. Now."

Confused, but unusually aware that he was on thin ice, Bakano scrambled to pick up the weapon. His hands trembled as he held it, the sword nearly slipping from his clammy grip, his pasty face looking up at him nervously from the blade, his reflection turning red as Akira's blood slid down it. "Okay. Now what?"

"Kill yourself."

Bakano blinked. "What?"

"Kill yourself," Tricerajonin repeated, face expressionless. "You're going to commit seppuku, Bakano."

Trembling, Bakano shook his head. "I don't… I don't understand-"

"It's not a particularly difficult concept," Tricerajonin said, voice turning cold. "You almost killed our princess. You almost started a war which could've ended the world. You have dishonored your clan. You have dishonored your master. You have dishonored yourself. Only through death can you gain even a sliver of redemption. Kill yourself. Now."

"That's…" Bakano shook his head more rapidly, laughing nervously. "Sensei… Sensei, this is a joke, right? You're not… You can't actually expect me to-"

"Bakano. You are going to drive that sword into your gut this instant," Tricerajonin ordered.

"And if I don't?" Bakano demanded defiantly.

"Then I will kill you myself."

Bakano rocked back on his heels, shocked. "You'll… What?!"

"I will kill you myself," Tricerajonin repeated, face like stone.

"That's… no. NO!" Bakano shouted, throwing his sword away. "I won't… I won't do it! You're bluffing!"

Tricerajonin slowly raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah!" Bakano cried, a confident grin crossing his face. "You need me, remember? I'm the only one in the tribe who can draw the blue Dinintana! Kenji certainly can't do it, and if he can't do it, nobody else can! You need me to have a full team of Sentai!"

"Is that so." It was not a question.

"Yeah!" Bakano declared proudly. "So there's no way you would ever kill-"

Tricerajonin stepped on him, silencing him forever.

"It would seem," Tricerajonin said quietly. "That even in this, I have failed you. I'm sorry, Bakano. Goodbye."

He bowed his head sorrowfully, and everyone gave him a moment to grieve.

"Yikes. At least it was quick," Sora muttered.

"Sensei, if I were… If I ever turned out like him, and I did not choose the honorable path… Would you…?" A troubled Mozu asked Raptorjonin.

Raptorjonin smiled at the kunoichi that was like a daughter to her. "Without hesitation."

Mozu sighed in relief.

You would do the same for me, right, sensei? Tetsu asked Ankylojonin.

"I would," Ankylojonin confirmed. "But I know it will never come to that."

Tetsu frowned, not nearly as certain.

Pterajonin sighed and shook her head. "That damn fool… If he had taken the out offered to him, he could have died with a shred of honor. Instead, he shall suffer the same fate as all cowards and traitors… His name will never be engraved in the Hall of Ancestors, he will be removed from all records, it will be forbidden to speak of him, and his remains will be cast into the Pit of Disgrace. He shall suffer the ultimate penalty… To be forgotten, and vanish from history forever."

"I am… Sorry you had to do that," Onimusha said solemnly to Tricerajonin. "Having to kill a subordinate, someone you've known for years, is… It's never easy."

"I failed him as a teacher, completely and utterly," Tricerajonin said softly. "His death is on me. I am only grateful that he failed to achieve any lasting damage."

"Speaking of which… Hegemon Kyukogo, is my daughter…?" Tyrajonin asked anxiously, her eyes having returned to their usual yellow color.

Kyukogo stopped glowing and her tails unraveled, revealing the alien Empress was still holding Akira to her breast, but the wound in her chest had vanished, and her skin had regained its healthy glow. Tricerajonin and Mozu sighed in relief. "Oh, thank goodness…" The tyrannosaurus murmured, bowing her head. "I am in your debt, Hegemon."

"No," Kyukogo insisted as she shook her head, gazing down at Akira in adoration as the ninja groaned and slowly opened her eyes. "I rather think I'm in hers."

Akira looked up at the gorgeous vulpine face looming over her in wonder. "… I didn't die, right?" She asked finally. "Because it would really, really suck if Bakano was the one to do me in."

Kyukogo giggled, causing Akira's poor lesbian heart to flutter. "No, I healed you. It's the least I can do to repay you for saving my life."

"Cool," Akira replied, a little dazed. "Guess this makes us even?"

"Not even close," Kyukogo said firmly. "I owe you a great debt, as does the entire Hegemony. You have saved my civilization from losing a leader, my mate from losing a wife, my children from losing a mother. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Akira."

"… I don't suppose you feel grateful enough that you'll just call off the whole invasion and leave?" Akira asked hopefully.

Kyukogo chuckled and gave her an apologetic look. "Nice try, but no."

Akira shrugged. "Oh well, worth a shot."

"You will, however, become my chief concubine once I have conquered your world," Kyukogo promised.

Akira considered this. She knew that, on principle, she should be appalled by this… But at that moment, wrapped in the kitsune's arms, head resting against her sizable bosom, feeling warm and safe with an intoxicating scent that was literally divine filling her nostrils… Yeah, she could think of worse fates.

And she was incredibly floofy.

"Okay," she murmured, unconsciously nuzzling the extraterrestrial.

Mozu started making strangled sounds no human should be capable of producing. "Oh, but of course I would never break up such a cute couple," Kyukogo spoke up, taking note of this. "You can be Akira's concubine."

"Sweet," Akira muttered.

Mozu looked as if she were about to pass out, much to Raptorjonin's amusement.

"Your Divinity, we should go," Onimusha urged his mistress. "After a scare like that, your family will be very worried."

Kyukogo nodded and reluctantly let go of a very disappointed Akira, rising to her feet. "A good point, General. Shinobiryu clan, it was a pleasure meeting all of you, despite that bit of… Unpleasantness. Shall we start our challenge one week from today, to give all of us time to prepare?"

"That seems reasonable," Tyrajonin agreed.

"How will we get in touch with you to hammer out the rules for the first event?" Ankylojonin inquired.

Kyukogo handed Akira her hand mirror. "You can use this to contact us so that my chief magistrate and your… "Bix" can work everything out," she explained. "And you need not fear that we will use it to locate your secret headquarters; I have disabled the tracking enchantment."

"You should probably make sure this "Bix" uses it somewhere private, possibly shielded, just to be safe," Onimusha advised.

Asteroibotchi nodded in agreement. "We don't want to win that way. It would be like cheating."

"Thank you, we appreciate that," Akira said gratefully.

Kyukogo smiled at her. "Now, if you don't mind, we should probably be off. We need to break in these new slaves, and my family will demand an emergency cuddle session when I get home."

"There are a very lucky bunch," Akira told her honestly. "Sorry for getting blood all over your pretty kimono, by the way."

"It's all right," Kyukogo assured her, waving a hand over the blood spatters and causing them to disappear. "See? No harm done. It was only a little blood."

Akira sighed in relief. "Oh good, I'd have hated to see the dry cleaning bill for that… Oh, wait, before you go, you forgot something."

The Hegemon's brows furrowed in puzzlement. "I have? What?"

Akira extended her hand. "We never shook hands."

Kyukogo stared at her hand for a moment in incomprehension, blinked, then burst into laughter. "So I did! Thank you for reminding me!"

The two of them shook hands. Sora snapped a photo to commemorate this historic event, as did one of the Uchuhage, who fancied himself a bit of a photographer in his spare time.

"I look forward to clashing with you in the future," Kyukogo said warmly. "I think this planet is going to be very entertaining."

Akira grinned. "We'll do our best not to disappoint."

Kyukogo laughed. "See that you don't! So, until next week… Sayonara!"

She waved at them, and then, with a flick of her tails, the entire Youkalien contingent and their volunteer human slaves teleported away.

"This certainly turned out rather different than any of us could have expected," Ankylojonin remarked.

"Yes," Tricerajonin said grimly, examining the red splotch on the underside of his foot. "It did at that."

"Are you feeling all right, sweetheart?" Tyrajonin asked her daughter in concern.

Akira nodded, a hint of sadness crossing her face. "Yeah… I'm kind of sorry we have to fight them, really. If it weren't for the whole thing with them being hell-bent on conquering and enslaving the planet, I think we could actually be friends."

"A lot can happen in a year," Sora pointed out. "Who knows? Maybe when all this is over, we will be."

Akira smiled at that, the memory of Kyukogo's embrace lingering in her mind. "That would be nice…"

Struck by a sudden thought, she turned to Mozu. "So… You're really in love with me?"

Mozu turned a bright pink, spat some incomprehensible gibberish, and hurled a smoke bomb, disappearing.

Raptorjonin faceclawed.