Life on the bus was amazing. It had been two months and waking up on a moving vehicle now felt normal. I still had those awful dreams. The ones where I felt like I'd never be happy again, surrounded by green light and loneliness, popping up out of my covers in the morning in a cold sweat. Today was one of those mornings. I woke up gasping, clutching my sheets.

I'd have to tell Fi. I'd promised her that I would tell her anytime I had the dream. She was still sure that there was an actual fairy that was haunting me. I tried to be supportive and nodded along, but I couldn't help but feel it had something to do with my fears more than an actual mythical creature. And more about fear than the feelings I had for a certain eighteen year old future philosophy major.

I had decided the best thing to do for everyone was ignore the thrill down my spine whenever Clu and I locked eyes. That way Irene wouldn't hate me and I could focus on school and my job. Luckily, he'd gotten the hint, and we had started avoiding each other's eyes.

Today it wouldn't be as hard. We'd made it to California, and Clu, Irene and Ned were touring UC Santa Cruz for him. Next week Carey, Clu's older brother would be joining us on the bus. Poor boys. All three crammed into one room.

I got up and took a quick shower, then changed and decided to keep painting the canvas I'd started. I'd sold out at the gift shop, and they requested new paintings so they could make prints. I was ecstatic when they'd told me that's what they wanted to do. My paintings about my deepest feelings, hanging in rich ladies homes and a dentist's office. It was almost laughable. But also, completely wonderful. I opened the window to vent the fumes, then pulled out my paints. I wanted to work with oils, but they really weren't practical for a bus. They smelled too strong and took forever to dry.

I put on some Damian Jurado, and let his voice take me away to my emotion bank. I loaded the brush with steel blue and started swiping.

"Wow," came a voice behind me.

I whirled around to see Clu staring at the canvas. I took off my headphones and blushed. He had on a white button down shirt with a tie and slacks. His hair was slicked back, but for the tendrils of his bangs that hung down over his cheeks. It should be illegal to be so adorable.

"That's really beautiful," he said.

I smiled and looked at the floor. "Thanks."

He came in and stood in front of it, his fingers in the shape of a frame zooming in and out. I stifled a laugh because he was completely serious.

"I like the conflict in this," he said.

I stared at him, my eyes wide. "What?"

"Yeah, right here, these lines, how you've painted them converging." He pointed to two colors in the corner. "You've resolved it, but then they…" His arms whooshed off to the left. "Fshooo, now you're in a different place, and those feelings are holding you back from what you really want. How you could be. How you see yourself."

My jaw fell open. "How… how did you know that?"

"It's all right there," he said gesturing to the painting.

"No one ever…"

He looked at me, his blue eyes piercing and my knees weakened. "I guess I get you," he said.

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

We stared at each other for a while. "You know," he said. "You could be who you want to be now."

I bit my lip. "What do you mean?"

"I feel like you hide what you really want so you make everyone happy. I just wonder why you do that."

My brain went a little red. "Why do you say that?"

"I just noticed that this is the first time you've taken any time for yourself in a long time. It's not good for a person. It's like you're hiding."

I felt laid bare, my soul open and vulnerable. And Clu was poking it with a stick.

"I'm sorry, how is that any of your business?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I guess it's not. I just thought since you brought it up…"

"I didn't bring anything up. You waltzed in here, passing judgement on my art, and then me." Cuteness be damned. I couldn't look at him right now.

"Erika, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Enjoy Santa Cruz," I said, turning back to my painting.

He stared at me for a minute, then slowly walked out the door. I wanted to throw the canvas across the room. I settled for my pillow. It was the first time I'd talked to him in two weeks, and we'd completely screwed it up. He'd come in, guns blazing and read me like a book. And I'd thrown him out for it. I was tired of being fixed and analyzed. That's all James had ever done before... I just wanted to be known and accepted. I needed a walk. I waited until Irene, Ned and Clu had left, and found Fi in her room. "Hey Cuz, you up for a little jaunt?"

She lit up and closed her laptop. "Yeah! Let's get Jack to take us to the boardwalk!"

"Perfect," I said.

I had my license, but I wasn't insured under the family's policy, so we piled in the back of Clu and Jack's car and let him drive us through town toward the ocean like our chauffeur, much to his chagrin. We parked, and got out, the sun just starting to warm, and headed for the rides. I needed this, the sun, the beach. It was a beautiful area. I could see why Clu wanted to go to school here.

I pushed his face out of my brain. I was still heated.

"So," I said to Fi. "I had that dream again."

"Really?" she asked. "Tell me!"

"What dream?" asked Jack. I could tell he was hardly interested though.

"I dream about a green light, isolating me and pushing me away from the… things I love."

"Scary," said Jack. "Hey, you girls want hot dogs?"

"Yes," we said in unison. He left and got in line at a stand, leaving us alone to talk. I sat us down at a round table, in the full sun.

"So what happened?" asked Fi.

"Same old, same old. Green light, little fairy, in between me and the thing I love. This time, I'm left in total darkness, no green light surrounding me." I pursed my lips. "Actually, it was pretty scary. Being alone like that."

"Is that what you're most afraid of?" she asked.

I paused. "Yeah. I think so. After dad left, I have a hard time trusting people."

"I can understand that. I have a hard time believing the people I love won't leave too. Because of Dad."

I took her hand. "We're certainly a pair aren't we?" I asked, giggling. Giggling to keep from crying.

She grinned. "Guess so."

"A pair of what?" asked Jack. He sat down next to us and handed us each a hot dog.

"A pair of beauties," I said fluttering my eyelashes at him.

"More like a pair of loonies." He shook his head and took a bite. "You loons up for some rides?" he asked.

"Most definitely," I said with a full mouth.

Fi nodded, and we ate quickly, and headed off toward the rollercoasters.