Salem was in the midst of taking over Atlas and decided to make her own appearance. With her Grimm flooding every part of the city and her victory all but assured, Salem thought she would pay a visit to the Schnee Manor.

She did not expect to find a boy sitting at a grand piano, placed in the middle of the foyer. Hazel, Tyrian, and team CMEN follow behind her.

The boy of course, was the increasingly notorious Jaune Arc. He waved to them. "Hiya!"

Confused but refusing to show it, Salem answered amiably enough. "Hello, boy. You're awfully calm in our presence."

Jaune shook off his fingers and warmed up. "Actually, you're just the people I wanted to see. I've heard a lot about you, Salem."

"Oh?"

"Just thought you'd like to take a break and hear a song I made just for you."

Salem could no longer hide her confusion and quirked an eyebrow. "Hmph. I must admit, I expected many things, but this is a surprise."

Cinder recognized Jaune from the Beacon dance a while ago. "We are not listening another one of your ridiculous songs. Come on, he's obviously not alone, so let's-"

"One moment," Salem cut her off.

"… No. No. We are NOT doing this!"

Salem shot her a warning look. "Be silent."

Hazel could not bite his tongue. "Is this really necessary?"

"So," Salem started.

"Oh, my God." Cinder could not believe this was happening.

"You think you can impress me?"

"I sure do," Jaune chirped with utmost confidence.

"Then let's make it interesting. If you don't entertain me, your death will be the slowest. I do still owe you for causing me trouble with your… talents, before."

"Sounds fair. If I win, you leave Atlas alone."

Cinder cut in. "There is no way in Grimm-infested hell that-"

"Deal," Salem said with finality.

"Fucking," Cinder turned her head toward Salem. "What?"

"Quiet Cinder! Our queen knows exactly what she is doing!" The creep Tyrion spat at Cinder.

"Precisely. There is no chance he will win this little game. Do not interrupt the boy while he makes a fool of himself, Cinder dear."

Cinder felt her Grimm arm burn as a threat. "Oh, I just… I just hate all of you so much."

Meanwhile, team RWBYNR are around the corner and watching everything. They speak under their breath so as not to be heard.

"I take back everything I said about him," Weiss started. "Those performances were not the stupidest things I have ever seen. This is!"

"It is pretty bad if Cinder is the voice of reason here," Blake hung closely behind her.

"Weiss, can you at least respect that he's putting his neck out for us right now?" Ren asked.

Yang continued. "Yeah, you got a better idea? Wanna fight Salem by yourself maybe?"

"No, but come on."

"He's made miracles work before," Nora mentioned. "And I totally don't wanna just hear him sing some more." She nearly hopped in place in anticipation for what was to come.

"I know how you feel Weiss, but, you know… desperate times, and stuff."

"You just hear him sing more too, Ruby."

Ruby poked her pointer-fingers together and stared at the floor. "Is that so wrong?"

They heard Salem speak up. "Well, get on with it boy."

"Okay! This one's just for you, Salem!" While Jaune prepared, Mercury was morbidly curious as to what he would pull out of his sleeve this time, and although Emerald wore a stern and serious look on her face, she was secretly thrilled to be hearing more from him.

All is quiet for a moment, until the soft, slow and romantic tune of the piano fills the room for a few bars. The foyer makes both the piano and Jaune's voice echo and resonate beautifully.

"~I want to write you a poem, that stands the test of all time. A couplet, quatrain, a ballad, an ode, with meter, and rhythm and rhyme.~"

"Okay, fine. This is the best he's sounded yet. This idea is still stupid." Weiss turned her nose up.

"Yayyy." Nora pumped her arms and wished she could be louder.

"~I want it to speak of your virtue, sing praise to your stature and poise. I want it to capture your beauty, the soul that's alive in your voice.~"

Cinder leaned over to whisper in Salem's ear "Can we kill him now?"

Salem only elbowed her to keep quiet, enjoying the ego stroking. Cinder fumed, and Jaune's pitch and volume went up.

"~I want it to tell of your wisdom, how the courage within your heart sores. But all I can think of, is how I be lovin', them big, big, big titties of yoouuurs!~"

"PFT-" Ruby covered her mouth and had to quickly semblance away so she could laugh for real. Weiss sighed.

"It looks like Jaune is about to save the world with another song about boobs," Blake said dryly.

Yang fanned her face. "A man after my heart." And Jaune sung the chorus.

"~OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

Oohhh, hooow my heart sings.

OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

Oooooohhhh, love those things!~"

Mercury nudged Emerald. "Get a load of this guy. You got some serious balls dude."

"Heh, right…" Emerald tried to hide that she actually found the song kind of charming. Cinder could only stare with something between bewilderment and pure hatred.

"~They bounce like a kid on a trampoline. They swing like a forties jazz band. They stand up like a rock-solid alibi, they don't even fit in my hand.~"

Yang caught Weiss eyeing her own chest for a split second, and looked at with a shit-eating grin. "Don't you look at me with that tone of voice," Weiss said, and Yang snorted in laughter.

"~They curve like a pitch in the big leagues, they burn with a passion so hot. And that is the reason, I can't wait to squeeze 'em, them big, big, big titties you've gooot!~"

Ruby heard some whimpering behind her, and turned her head. "… Nora?"

Nora was ugly-crying behind her, with tears down her face. "It's just so beautiful…"

Ren pat her back for comfort. "There, there."

"~OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

Oohhh, looove's in the air.

OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

Oooooohh, what a pair~."

Neo could not have hoped for anything better tonight, as she was amused beyond belief. She put the back of her hand on her forehead and purposefully leaned up against Cinder as if she were swooning, just to piss Cinder off more. Meanwhile, Jaune went into the bridge part.

"~Oh I need, to knead them, like sculptors knead clay.

They dance in my dreams in a graceful ballet.

I'll kiss them, so sweetly, good night at the end of the daaay.~"

"He sings like he really believes this is the sweetest song ever," Blake could not help being amused herself.

"Because it is," Yang insisted. "And if none of you try to bag him after this, I will."

Nora's crying was now such that multiple fluids were leaking out of her face. Ren continued his comforting. "Okay, maybe that's a bit much."

"~They're firm like a John Grisham novel. They swell like a wave in the sea. No matter what part of the room, they're allwaaays, looking at meee.~"

"It's gotta be wrong to feel as proud as I do right now," Yang said beside Ruby, who was biting her lip and nearly in tears trying not to laugh.

"~They're soft like the cheek of a babyyy, they're sweet like the honey of bees.~"

"LET'S DO IT!"

"Huh?" Everyone heard the shout from an unknown voice. All the sudden, team SSSN were coming out from behind pillars and furniture, dragging out prepared instruments. Scarlet is already playing a sweet, lovely harmony on the violin to the music, and Sage managed to get a drum kit in there somehow.

"Oh… oh my God," was all Weiss could manage to get out.

Blake had to agree. "What in the-"

Jaune continued to sing, loud enough for the entire house to hear.

"~I'll never ignore them, I'll even adore them, SOMEDAY WHEN THEY'RE TOUCHING YOOUU'REE KNEEEES~!"

The four newcomers joined in the backup, Scarlet and Sage playing on their instruments, while Sun and Neptune sang an angelic "oohhh" sound as harmony.

"~OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

OOOooohhhh, what a rack!

OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

OOooooohh, hurt your back!~"

"They were there the whole time!?" Ruby forgot to be quiet.

"How the hell?" Yang asked.

Little did they know, plans had been made earlier. Sun spoke to Neptune back in Vacuo. "Look, I know what it looked like, but I made sure to chant 'no homo' thirty-five times under a full moon, so it's good." Sun's scroll started ringing in his pocket, and he went to answer it. "Hang on a sec. Y'ello?"

"Sun! It's time." Jaune's digitized voice started through the speaker.

"Hey, golden-pipes himself! And what are you talk- wait… you don't mean?"

"I need your help. Get to Atlas ASAP, we have a city to save. Gotta go, I hope you bring it!" And with that, Jaune hung up.

Neptune's eyes widened. "No way. Is this it?"

Sun had a thousand-yard stare while a dramatic wind billowed around him. "Our time has come."

"I'll call the boys!"

"Do it!"

Now back in the present, everyone is left momentarily speechless in the ensuing swelling of passionate, soulful music. About Salem's titties.

"~OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

OOOooohhhh, on my knees!~"

Neptune sang backup on top of the piano. On his knees, naturally. "~Oooonn my kneeees~!"

"~OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

OOOooohhhh, double D's~!"

Scarlet's screaming falcetto came in. "~Double, double, DOOOUBLE~"

Morning light shined into the foyer through the windows, and filled the room with a heavenly glow.

"~OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

OOOooohhhh, glory be~!"

Sun would not be out shined. "~GLORY, GLORY, GLORY BEEEE YEEAAHH!~"

"OOOooohhhh, Hallelujah!

OOOHHHHH, set them freeee~!"

The music finally died down. Emerald had a hand over her heart, and was misty-eyed at the display of passion. Mercury shook his head back and forth at her. "Em."

She straightened up. "Uh, what?"

Hazel rubbed his eyes like he was extremely tired. Tyrion stood there, a bit jealous of how Jaune managed to hold Salem's undivided attention for this long. Neo wondered one thing. Can we keep him?

Cinder, meanwhile, thought her breakfast might have been laced with something and wondered if any of this was actually real. "Um… Salem?"

And finally Salem, who had only been staring blankly for a few minutes now. "Well. I have never met someone with so much gall as you, boy."

"I really don't like that tone of voice," Cinder said, fearing the worst.

"A deal is a deal. I am impressed. I will leave this place."

Cinder's mouth hung open, and Jaune himself was no less surprised. "Really!? So then- OHH SHIT-"

A hound Grimm leapt from the shadows and got jaune by the neck of his clothes, snatching him up from his seat and bringing him closer to Salem. Team RWBY and Ren could no longer watch, and ran out from the shadows. "JAUNE!"

Jaune struggled. "But you-!"

"I will leave this place," Salem repeated, leaning down toward him and looking him up and down, sizing him up. "But you're coming with me. I would like to see how true you think that little song is."

Jaune blinked. "What now?"

Neo pumped her fist. Yes. Salem and her forces disappeared suddenly in a haze of dark smoke. The day is saved?

"NO!" Ruby ran up to team SSSN. "Guys! You have to help us get him back!"

Sun was not paying attention. He just kept staring where the cabal had disappeared with a quivering lip, and saluted. "Godspeed, you magnificent bastard."

"Sun!" Blake called.

"Oh, hey Blake."

"Why are you guys even here!?" Weiss pointed at Scarlet. "Especially you! I thought you were gay."

Scarlet scoffed. "I would never abandon my team for so noble a cause. Besides, everyone likes fat titties."

"True." Sun pointed finger-guns at him.

"True." Neptune did much the same.

"True!" Ruby blurted.

"UUGH!" Weiss was ready to pull her hair out.

Ren cut in. "He might have saved the city, but we can't leave him. Let's go and-" Ren cocked his head around, looking for something. "Where is Nora?"

The group peeked back around to where the girls and Ren were hiding and saw Nora on the ground, wide-eyed and open-mouthed with a huge smile, comatose from the glory she had witnessed.

Sage spoke, finally. "I think we broke your lady-friend, bro."

"Ugh."

Everyone looked over to see Pyrrha, who sighed as she held her stomach. "That's what I get for eating my own cereal for once…" She looked around at everybody. "Oh wow, when did team SSSN get here? Where's Jaune?"

After a few minutes of explaining. "What do you mean I missed everything!?"

"It was just him singing about boobs some more, you wouldn't have liked it anyway," Weiss waved it off.

"Boooo!" Pyrrha pouted adorably. Some thought she might start stomping her feet indignantly. "Do-over!"

Song is Hallelujah by Stephen Lynch