The hospital was overwhelmed. Two accidents in Seattle. Mercy West reached capacity and all the ambulances were redirected to Seattle West. He had to run 4 head traumas and operated on 3, losing 2. Damn the asshole that ran the tour bus off the highway. They were both his sister's age. He couldn't imagine being the family hearing the news. It sucks he was on the other side. He had to be the one to give their families the bad news. I'm sorry. We did everything we could. The families only sobbed harder. But it was true, he did do everything he humanly could.
He watched her sprint toward the supply closet. It was a long day for everyone. He followed her. She looked like she needed somebody.
By the sound of the door, Meredith turned her back at the door, shielding her vulnerability. "I'm busy."
"Meredith." His hand remained on the door handle.
"Leave me alone, I'm busy," she repeated. Her breathing was uneven as she gasped for air in between her sobs.
"It's been a long day. I'm sorry about the patient." He closes the door and leans against it.
"She had a family. Kids. Everything. And she was pregnant. 3 weeks. Her husband didn't even know until I told him."
He remained still, knowing his words couldn't soothe the situation.
"She's gone. And her family, when I told them, her husband had to sit down. Her little girl held her brother's hand. The little boy- his face. He knew that he had to protect his little sister. Life isn't fair."
"You're right it isn't. The odds are against us."
Her breathing became heavier as she continued talking. "This isn't the only one today. I had to tell three more families that they lost someone." She tried to catch her breath. "Out of the 6 people under my care today I lost more than half of them. And that was only under my supervision. What about the rest of the department? The rest of the hospital?"
He walked past the shelves of medical supplies to where she was. His hand rubbed her back to ease her breathing. On his right, he reached for a paper bag. "Come. Sit. Let me help you."
She did as she was told. They sat adjacent to one another on the cold floor. The paper bag expanded and contracted as she breathed.
"Deep breaths, Meredith. Deep breaths." The repeated movement became more steady as her oxygen intake lowered and her heart slowed as her body calmed from the hyperventilation.
Her head rested on his shoulder while he continued to rub her back.
"Thank you," she finally said. Her head lifts from his shoulder. He squeezes her arm and pulls her closer to his warmth in response.
"You're the first person to care. No one notices my pain. They all notice my exhaustion. But then they don't care because life is just every man for himself."
"Oh, Meredith. I am so sorry."
"It's okay Derek, you being here is enough. I'm sorry I was a bitch to you, Derek. I know you mean good. I'm not used to this."
"It's alright Meredith. It's alright."
…
"Hey. Coffee?"
"Derek, you didn't have to."
"But I do." He hands her the cup of caffeine. He had asked the guy at the stand that she goes to every morning what her order was. It was a double espresso with steamed milk and foam.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," he glances with curiosity.
"Why do you care so much? About me I mean. There are nurses that would line up at your door if you let them. You see Nurse Rose over there?" She subtly directs her head. "She's been trying to get your attention since you arrived. But you choose to bring me coffee. Even after I've refused so many times."
"Well. I obviously care about you. And I've told you I like you."
"I know! But why?" She lets out a deep exhale. "You wouldn't want me if you knew me. If life was a movie, I'd be the person cast as 'background person #5' and I'm the white crayon in the box with the only purpose being to fill the space in the box."
He tilts his head with his eyes slightly squinted and mouth slightly compressed. "Not exactly. It neutralized bright shades. And I found it quite useful when I was helping my niece find all her favorite shades of pink."
"What is your point?"
He looks her in the eye genuinely and wrinkles appear on the sides of his mouth as he forms a smile. "My point is:" He had clear ambition in his tone. "I like you, a lot. So what if you are the white crayon in the box? Maybe I'm the shade of red that needs a bit of neutralizing. Maybe that perfect shade of pink is somewhere between white and red." He winks and gives her a more serious look, "I'm here for you."