Title: what once bloomed now fades
Name: Willow
Cohort/Team: Third/Defense
Prompt: Soulmate AU Where Character X and Character Y are soulmates… but one is in love with Character Z.
Word Count: 11341
A/N: Late again... didn't even finish by my extension deadline. Oh well, please accept this anyway... I worked too hard on it and it's 26 pages for some reason. It wasn't supposed to be this long, but, it is. It also hasn't been edited because I wanted to submit it, so expect many grammatical errors! There are also a lot of unresolved plot lines and rushed segments, but I didn't have the time (read: was too lazy) to put it in.
Maybe I'll rewrite it sometime, with all the characters I wanted to put in but didn't have time for, and all the plot lines I was going to add. But alas, that will not be right now.
Now to the actual fic. Hope you like it, and if not, oh well.
For all of his bad luck, Nico di Angelo was grateful that he was fortunate in one aspect. In a world where everyone had a tattoo ingrained into their skin that matched their soulmate's, Nico's was hidden above his right hip bone.
He ran his fingers over the spot where he knew it lay, as Nico often did when he was alone and in thought. Dropping his hand, Nico let out a huff. It was rather hard to view without a mirror, for he would have to twist uncomfortably one way and hold his shirt up.
But it was better that way. No one could stare at it, judge the strokes of black and yellow ink, or compare it to theirs. And most importantly, no one would be able to tell if Nico was their soulmate, their so-called true love. The privacy he had been given was not taken for granted.
Others had it in less desirable places. Nico had seen one person with flowers spreading across their face, and even though they were pretty, it was on full display for the rest of the world to see.
(But maybe having the ink out on display would have been a good thing. Nico, however, would never know.)
There were times when it tingled. Nico felt an itch at that very moment, just as many others had said. There was no real concrete evidence that it meant anything, but many speculated. Thinking that it meant one's soulmate was near, or that their soulmate was having a strong emotion. And for some, that their soulmate had died.
But it was just a phantom itch. That was it.
To Nico, there was no point in theorizing about a tingle. Most people never found their soulmates anyway. While the notion of a fated pair provided hopes of love for people, there was still no guarantee. Get lucky, was the unspoken catch to the seemingly perfect aspect of life.
Get lucky. As if. Not when billions of people had been unable to find each other.
But that was obvious. It always had been, to him. Nico was never one to take part in the foolish hopes of finding his soulmate.
(Or, he had, but it had been many years since he had believed in it.)
There were many examples of live-happily-ever-after-with-each-other, but there were also many examples of never-found-each-other, and happy-without-each-other. Why bother trying to find them when there were plenty of other people in the world? Plenty of people that one could love, maybe even more than their soulmate?
Call him a downer, but Nico always maintained that he was just a realist. Thalia, his sort-of friend, always said he was being a pessimist. But a pessimist was far better than an optimist in Nico's books.
In response, Nico said she had grown soft ever since meeting her soulmate, Reyna. After she had fallen in love.
But for all of his mock gagging, Nico was happy for them.
Right. Thalia.
He checked the clock, eyes narrowing at the realization that she would be arriving soon. She had roped him into watching a movie at her house, and had offered to drive him there. Knowing that Nico didn't like watching movies (or at least, the movies she liked to watch), Thalia had bribed him with chocolate. Who was he to say no?
Unfortunately, it did mean he would have to watch a movie with far too many people for his liking. Hazel would be there - his half-sister - but still. So would Frank Zhang, Reyna, and Thalia's brother, Jason… And who knew how many people they had invited?
(He also suspected he would be the only single person there, considering he was pretty sure Thalia had mentioned her brother's girlfriend would be there, and Frank and Hazel were together…)
Thalia said he was being overly dramatic about it. Nico maintained that he was acting perfectly reasonably.
"And no leaving early," Thalia lectured, turning the car engine off. She absentmindedly scratched the side of her neck, where dark purple clouds could be seen above the collar of her jacket. "Or I will drag you back."
"Scary." Nico rolled his eyes. "And I won't. Free food, I guess. And you still owe me chocolate."
Thalia nodded, satisfied. She threw the car door open and promptly slammed it shut, not bothering to wait for Nico.
Typical.
Following her to the door, Nico waited while Thalia wrangled her keys out of her pocket.
The inside of Thalia's house was oddly neat and minimalistic in design, contrasting her personal tastes. Apparently, the house had been a gift from her parents - and knowing how stupidly rich and picky they were, the interior had been chosen by them.
Nico had not been there too often, but enough that he knew where to find the staircase leading to the basement where they would be watching the movie. Thalia said something about getting snacks over her shoulder before disappearing down a hallway.
Voices could be faintly heard in the stairwell. Entering the spacious basement, Nico nodded in the general direction of the others, pleased to see Hazel already sitting down. At least he would know one person well there.
He sat nearest to Hazel on a long couch, muttering a quick greeting. While they were related, they didn't exactly live near each other and weren't very close. They hadn't grown up together after all, and had only met perhaps six years ago. Still, Nico could count on less than one hand the amount of people he trusted, and Hazel was one of them.
Next to Hazel sat Frank. He and Hazel were holding hands, matching daisy chains spiralling around their arms and meeting at their hands. It was second nature to them, making their soulmate tattoos meet up; Hazel's left arm and Frank's right connected.
The daisies varied in size, but they were all a delicate white, petals blooming around sunshine yellow centers, light green stems intertwined.
Nico found it nice their tattoos lined up- while every soulmate had a matching tattoo, often they varied in placement. So not only did Frank and Hazel match, their tattoos appeared to connect.
Across from them, Reyna sat, reading on her phone. He could partially see the clouds frozen in place on her left forearm, and a few bolts of lightning.
Nico noted that they were the only ones down in the basement - Thalia's brother wasn't there yet, presumably helping Thalia with snacks. While Nico had heard plenty about Jason, he actually hadn't met him - which wasn't really surprising, since he wasn't one for hanging out all that much.
(Thalia said that was his own fault. Nico disagreed with her, as usual.)
After sitting in silence, vaguely paying attention to Hazel and Frank's conversation, he heard the door swing open and footsteps coming down the stairs. The light flickered off, only a few beams of sunshine filtering through a window near the ceiling. Thalia arrived, carrying a bowl popcorn while speaking to someone behind her - Jason, he assumed.
He took a moment to observe Thalia's totally-not-Nico's-type brother, and quietly thought that it was a shame he was taken.
Thalia set down the bowl loudly, before settling next to Reyna. "Jason, you start the movie."
A quiet sigh emerged from the steps as an annoyed looking blond followed, carrying a lot more snacks than Thalia had been. "Thanks for the help, Thals. Piper - yeah, just put them down there…"
Piper, his girlfriend (from what Thalia had told Nico), carefully set down a pitcher of lemonade and cups while Jason fiddled with the television.
As he hadn't been paying much attention to them or in general, Nico startled slightly when the television blinked on, its previous dark screen giving way to dark green.
Nico didn't recognize the move that started playing, and he didn't really care. It was some horror movie - Thalia's pick - so he pulled a snack bowl towards him. It was the only thing that had brought him there in the first place, and Nico wasn't going to let it go to waste.
(Alright, maybe Nico was easily bribed by food. But food was an essential part of life, and it was delicious too.)
Glancing towards his left, he glimpsed a flash of golden-yellow on Jason's right arm. Nico squinted, trying to make it out through the shadowed room, his eyes searching for the sign of yellow.
Jason, unaware of Nico's focus, reached for a handful of popcorn, and yellow chrysanthemums bloomed below his shoulder as his shirt sleeve rode up. A small raven, wings spread wide, was aflight in the midst of the blossoms, a few stray wilted petals in the middle of their descent.
It couldn't be real. It was too similar, it was too familiar. And it looked just like his.
His side itched more than ever before, and flaming feathers demanded his attention, but Nico could only stare at the yellow, the burning yellow.
Piper and Jason weren't soulmates.
Jason told him this, unaware of the blossoming yellow spreading across Nico's side.
Too much of a coward, Nico hadn't spoken a word about them (were they a them now?) - to anyone, not even Thalia. But if he did, he had no doubt Thalia wouldn't be able to keep it from Jason, and much less Reyna.
Of course, he wanted to tell someone. He didn't want to end up like… well, Bianca. Or for that matter, Bianca's soulmate. But all of his friends had ties to Jason, and even if he did tell someone, it would mean that it was real. That their marks weren't just eerily, oddly, impossibly similar.
After all, it was on his side - maybe the bird was a crow. Maybe the flowers were lilies for all he knew. Maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him, maybe - but he was just lying to himself.
"It's kind of pretty, isn't it?" Jason commented, poking the fiery suns spotting his arm. "I like yellow. It was a little awkward with Piper because my step mother was pushing us towards each other. She made it sound like we were soulmates, which is a little weird… But Piper and I made it work." He frowned, letting his sleeve fall, covering his mark. "Sometimes I wonder if Piper deserves better. She was pushed into it, so…"
A part of Nico was glad that Jason and Piper weren't exactly happy, but the rest of him knew he was just being foolish. Jason said it himself, they had made it work, and they were perfect together.
He was just being silly - a small, childish part of Nico still believed in soulmates, he supposed. That was all. It was natural, it didn't mean anything. He just wanted to know his soulmate, to have the perfect love.
Nico watched Jason, his chest tight. "What's Piper's?"
"A dreamcatcher, with golden feathers and a silver frame. It's on her leg, I think." He paused. "I've never seen it myself, and we don't really talk about it much."
Selfish. That was who Nico was, when a small bubble of spite-filled joy swelled up within him.
He did his best to ignore it. Bubbles were meant to be popped, weren't they?
There were times when Nico wished he never met his soulmate. Never met Jason.
With the arrival of Jason, Nico talked more. He spent more time with people, specifically, Jason. While at first it was just a want to know who destiny had chosen for him, it had grown into a want to be with a friend.
His first friend. Nico's first meaningful friend that he thought of as more than just an acquaintance.
It started with small talk between the two of them after Thalia had introduced the two of them, saying that Nico needed more friends.
They talked about the usual things, their soulmarks, college majors, jobs (Jason worked at a coffee shop, which suited him for some reason). And it just felt so natural. So easy to slip into a feeling of safe companionship. It was probably just Jason's easy going personality. He always did seem to try and make things comfortable.
But it was more than just Nico wanting to know his soulmate, wanting to have a relationship with them. He wouldn't just take interest in someone because of a matching blob of ink, he refused. He wouldn't believe they were meant to be.
Years ago, buried under an onslaught of empty days stacked into meaningless weeks, a child had whispered that they would never end up like her. That he would never fall for the empty promises, the impossible dreams. That Nico would never, ever, try and get to know his other half so their tattoo would never, ever fade like theirs had.
No matter how childish he was when he had promised that, Nico knew it was partially true. Getting too attached would only lead to pain.
Bianca was nine when she walked Nico home, clutching her far too big hat in her hands, red dusting her cheeks spread so wide. It was the first time Nico had ever seen her so happy, so carefree. Bianca had always been the serious one, the one who always took care of him. She didn't have the time for smiles that often, not when their mother was dead and their father gone.
(He could never remember his mother, and perhaps that was better, he would learn. Even if it had brought him anger and confusion, maybe that was better.)
He now knew it was partially his fault. His fault, when he forced Bianca to spend so much time waiting for him to catch up rather than let her run free.
Seven year old Nico demanded to know why she seemed so happy. Bianca, turning to him, ruffled his hair. She whispered, as if the truth was far to imaginary to be real, her smile overtaking her face -
"I found my soulmate, Nico. Can you believe it?"
A girl her age, who was far better at math than her. Matching whales breached across their skin, the disturbed water reflecting the sky above. A girl, whose eyes shone like the image of the sun on rippling water. A girl, who Bianca loved even at the age of nine.
A girl, whose whale was made of strokes of navy, whose waves were a foamy white, whose ocean held the clouds and sun itself… A girl, whose shine would dull into greyish-blue.
The door to Sweets & Mocha swung open with a light tinkle, and Nico could see Jason, chatting with his coworker while making a drink.
The sunlight filtered through the large windows, and Nico thought for a moment that Jason looked absolutely golden in the soft light. His eyes practically sparkled, and it was like he had a glow around his almost-fluffy hair.
Nico blinked, focusing on Jason, but not how attractive Jason looked.
It was just Nico's appreciation for good-looking males that had him thinking about how nice Jason looked. He's gay; he was allowed to think about men like that. And no, those weren't excuses, they were perfectly valid reasons.
(But Jason did look radiant in an apron and a loose-fitting sweater with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.)
He took a moment to decide on what he was going to order, and shuffled behind an old lady to wait in line. Nico hoped he wouldn't be bothering Jason, but it didn't matter anyway. After all, Jason couldn't exactly act rudely towards him, because he was a paying customer who had done nothing wrong.
Although, it might be strange to Jason to see Nico here again. He had only started going to this place after finding out Jason worked there. And while he didn't always go during Jason's shift (it would be creepy to try and find out when he worked to only go when Jason was there), Jason still could find it mildly weird. But in his defense, the drinks were pretty good.
Nico made sure to repeat his order a few times in his head before it was his turn at the counter. It would be far too embarrassing if he forgot, or messed up - there was a reason he didn't go out much. His social skills were awful, and while isolating himself didn't help, he was already a lost cause.
It wasn't that bad of a life to have.
"Welcome to Sweets & Mocha, how are - oh, hey Nico! Nice to see you," Jason greeted, giving him a wide smile. His face seemed to light up, and Nico felt glad he was a welcome sight to Jason. "Do you want your usual? A large, hot latte with whole milk, white chocolate, and extra caramel?"
Nico nodded, pleased Jason remembered his order. "Thanks."
In the process of making Nico's drink, Jason turned, staring at him. "Your drink is way too sweet," he said matter of factly. "Like, way too sweet. Even I wouldn't order it, and Piper says I'm a sucker for sweet things."
Ignoring the last sentence, Nico huffed. "It's not too sweet." It probably was, but Jason had told him that he had tried to eat a stapler as a child. And how could he trust someone who was dumb enough to try and eat a stapler? (And no, the scar he had on his lip and the pout Jason wore while telling the story was not endearing at all.) "It's the perfect amount of sweetness, and it tastes good. Besides, you tried to eat a stapler - clearly you have questionable taste."
"Who would've known," Jason thought out loud, "Nico di Angelo likes sickly sweet things and holds things over people no matter how petty it makes him look."
Nico scoffed. "I am not being petty."
"Of course you aren't," Jason agreed, his eyes saying otherwise as they sparkled. "How rude of me to assume so. Anyway, here's your drink. It'll be $5.15, as usual." Was it bad of Nico to have thought that Jason acting cheeky was hot and impossibly cute? Probably. But it was just lust. Just superficial thoughts.
(Gods, he was hopeless.)
Giving him six dollars, Nico waited for the change, dropping another dollar into the half-full tip jar. Jason, stacking dimes and nickels in his hand, furrowed his brow in concentration and counted under his breath. Attempting not to be too obvious as he stared, Nico hoped he didn't look like a crushing teenager.
"Seventy, seventy-five, eighty-five - here you go. Sorry about that, we ran out of quarters." He frowned. "People love giving ten dollar bills for drinks that cost maybe seven dollars." Dropping the assorted coins into Nico's hand, Jason smiled again.
Nico's skin tingled where the change lay. Pocketing the change, Nico picked up the drink. "Thank you," he said again. "Hey, do you-"
"Oh, Jason," interrupted a worker. "When your shift ends, make sure to avoid the Markey-Kheller intersection. There was another accident." Nico's words died in his mouth, and he stared, silent as he clenched his drink.
"Again?" Jason sighed. "That's the second time this month. Ah, Nico, what were you going to say?"
"... Oh. Nothing," said Nico, careful to appear normal. "Well, thanks for telling me-" he glanced at the worker's name tag - "Dakota. Anyway, I've got to get going. Thanks again." Nodding once more, Nico turned and walked out of the coffee shop as quickly as possible without looking less than normal.
Opening the ringing door agan, the glare of the sun blinded him. It was like that when it happened too, Nico remembered. When he was fully outside, hand limply holding the plastic cup and the door firmly shut, he allowed himself to go back twelve years. To the Markey-Kheller intersection, infamous for its accidents.
Bianca was eleven when she and Nico were walking along Kheller Street, careful to follow their foster parent's instructions: always walk single file on the edge of the sidewalk where it meets the grass, hold hands, and keep an eye out for cars.
While Nico hadn't really understood why Bianca or his foster parents were so cautious, he knew better than to not follow them.
He was in the middle of telling her all about his art project. Bianca nodded along, always watching the rows of cars speeding by.
It had been one of those sunny days, where the sky was impossibly wide and the temperature was cool, but warm enough for short sleeves. It had been one of those days where nothing could go wrong, because the sun was out and the few clouds that populated the sky were thin and stretched so, so wide.
It had been a perfect day to go on a walk. A perfect day to go outside. A perfect day for smiles and laughter.
They were nearing the Markey-Kheller intersection, and even as a child Nico had thought it was a rather scary place to be around. They never walked through it, of course. Instead, they always turned right, on to one of the streets that was a part of the four-way intersection.
It had been a mystery to Nico why it had been called the Markey-Kheller intersection when there were four streets that were a part of it. Bianca had explained to him that the busiest, most used streets were Markey and Kheller Streets, and so it had been dubbed the Markey-Kheller intersection.
Not to mention that most of the accidents happened because of Markey Street - it was a fairly steep hill, and since it led into the intersection, it wasn't exactly the prettiest situation. It was next to Kheller Street, and most of the cars crashed smack-dab in the center of the intersection or between the two streets as the cars that were going to turn right onto Kheller Street didn't break in time.
Bianca held her hand out behind her, and Nico took it without thinking. They could see the cars waiting for their turn to go. More cars sped by Nico and Bianca as they turned right from Markey Street, and they were close enough that Nico could have touched them if he stretched out his hand a few feet to the right.
He was explaining the whale he drew, looking at her tattoo - it had always looked so pretty, and so what if he based his project on it? - when he thought about Bianca's soulmate. She had told him all about her, and the time spent together, full of giggles and laughter. Nico had hoped he would have something like that one day. The knowledge that he had found the person fate had chosen for him. He had met Bianca's soulmate plenty of times, and he had seen how happy they were together. How naturally they acted. How they looked like they were meant to be.
His thoughts were interrupted when Bianca clenched his hand so tightly that he gasped.
For a second, Bianca didn't move, eyes trained on something, something Nico wasn't able to see. For a moment, Nico had innocently wondered what Bianca was looking at. For a snapshot in time, they were connected, Bianca's grip so tight it had left marks on his hand.
For a second, things were still okay.
But things weren't alright. Not when a car - whose brakes weren't working as Nico later learned - had sped down Markey Street, and was right there. Right next to Bianca, still frozen, and the windshield was so close that Nico could touch it-
He never got the chance to act on that thought. Instead, the car brushed against Bianca, caressing her in death's embrace, before she flew, hand torn from Nico's .
Death's grip held Nico for a moment, before letting him go, and he fell. His side was on fire, and his head hurt more than the time he had the flu. The car crashed into another in front of him, and the loud crunch it made echoed in his head.
There was a moment, however long, when he laid there. He could hear shouting, car doors opening and slamming shut, and the distant wail of sirens growing nearer.
Nico sat up, dizzily thinking that his side felt wet, and almost warm. He saw people, a lot of people, talking to him. Their voices were lost on him, as his mind had been fuzzy, and all he could distantly think was that Bianca wasn't there.
She wasn't holding his hand, and wasn't she supposed to be?
Sluggishly, he turned his head, in the direction Bianca had gone. She was lying a distance away from Nico in the middle of the road, but even from his position he could see that she wasn't moving as a few people stood around her. Bianca was just lying there. Lying still, too still.
Hands touched him, asking if he was okay, if he was hurt, if he was scared, but that everything would be okay - but it wasn't okay, and Nico knew that. Somewhere, in his empty mind, a few thoughts registered.
Bianca wasn't moving. They were at the Markey-Kheller intersection. There had been a car crash. Bianca wasn't moving.
Nico wasn't that naive.
He knew. He knew, and the voices trying to comfort him while the sirens neared weren't going to turn back time.
Bianca wasn't moving. And she never would again.
It was cloudy when Nico had a revelation.
He and Jason were binging movies and eating an unhealthy amount of ice cream. They were lounging on Nico's sofa, a blanket pulled haphazardly on their laps.
The weather had turned chillier over the past few weeks, and the trees had shed most of their leaves and gone bare. With the colder weather, Nico was even less willing to go outside, but Jason had offered to come over to his apartment.
Nico had wondered why Jason was so willing to spend time with him, as he knew Jason had more friends - not to mention a girlfriend. But Jason had simply said that he enjoyed being with Nico. And Nico shared the same sentiment, even if he hadn't responded to that.
Putting his vanilla bean ice cream aside, Jason stretched, blinking at the television screen.
(Nico had obviously made fun of Jason for his choice of ice cream. Seriously, who would ever pick vanilla bean out of all the ice cream flavors on earth?
And Jason's argument that it "wasn't vanilla" didn't count. Slapping the word bean next to the word vanilla did not change the fact that vanilla bean was almost identical to vanilla ice cream. Jason had tried to say that vanilla bean was made of "actual beans" and was "healthier" - as if - and even started looking it up before Nico just rolled his eyes at him.
Sometimes Jason was a complete and utter stubborn blockhead.)
"I finished my ice cream," Jason started, his face completely serious. "So… Can I have some of yours?"
Nico leaned away from him - which wasn't saying much, considering the couch was small and they were still pretty close - and held his ice cream protectively to his chest. "Excuse me, this is my extreme chocolate ice cream with dark chocolate chips and peanut butter cups. It is your own fault for choosing something as basic as vanilla bean ice cream and eating it so fast." Thalia had attempted to steal his ice cream on multiple occasions before, and Nico was not having it.
Holding his spoon, Jason looked at Nico, not saying anything. Sighing, Nico glanced at Jason, only to see Jason pouting. He looked absolutely pitiful sitting there, biting his lip and widening his eyes. Nico's stomach fluttered rebelliously, and Nico admonished himself. He had learned his lesson not to fall for every pretty face, hadn't he?
"Are you seriously sulking?" Nico asked, stifling a laugh. "It's not going to work, you know."
Immediately, Jason's face reverted back to normal. "Darn it. I just wanted to try your ice cream," he complained.
Letting out yet another sigh, Nico said, "Fine. One bite. Nothing else." And it was obviously not because of Jason's face that he was willing to allow Jason to eat part of his ice cream. It was just because they were friends. Friends ate each other's ice cream, and that was perfectly fine by Nico.
(Across town, Thalia shifted where she sat looking at her phone, feeling oddly betrayed somehow.)
Looking absolutely delighted, Jason took a large spoonful of his ice cream, and ate it, a pensive look on his face. "This is… disgustingly sweet," he said after a moment. "How can you stand this?"
"Take that back." Nico glared at Jason, completely offended. "How dare you say that about the best flavor of ice cream when you ordered vanilla bean ice cream."
"Will you stop holding that against me?" Jason protested. "I can have my favorite flavor of ice cream, everyone is entitled to their own opinion-"
"Unless it's wrong," Nico interrupted. "And I will continue to hold that against you, Mr. I-Ate-A-Stapler who likes vanilla bean ice cream."
Jason threw his hands into the air, accidentally throwing the spoon into the air. Much to Nico's delight, it smacked into Jason's forehead and left a smear of chocolate ice cream.
"Do not laugh," Jason said. "And if you turn this into another brick thing, I swear-"
"Brick thing?" Nico asked, grinning. "Should I ask Thalia?"
Jason squinted at him, jabbing the spoon in his direction. "If you do," he started, "I will personally buy all of the extreme double chocolate ice cream with dark chocolate chunks and peanut butter something and throw it all away."
Nico grew solemn. "Fine." At this, Jason relaxed and leaned against him, content that Nico would not try and discover the secret of the "brick thing".
(He did eventually ask Thalia, a few years later. But it had been much too late for Jason to buy any ice cream when Thalia had told him.)
The movie continued playing in the background, and the quiet soundtrack was a familiar one to him. Although there were many critics of the movie - so what if the main lead spoke quietly, it was part of their character - everyone knew that the soundtrack was particularly good.
Before long, Nico had finished his extreme chocolate ice cream with dark chocolate chips and peanut butter cups. To his surprise, Jason was now resting on his shoulder, apparently tired.
"Are you going to sleep on my shoulder?" Nico complained, feeling his face heat up. "It's only ten-thirty, you doofus, you still have to-"
"... Sleepy…" Jason mumbled, deciding to ignore Nico's half-hearted complaints. Nico, his heart thumping awkwardly, watched in mild confusion as Jason simply fell asleep within a minute.
Nico found that he didn't mind it - at all. Much to his displeasure, Nico realized that he was comfortable with the feeling of Jason's breath tickling his neck. He actually liked having Jason right next to him, sharing body heat under a blanket. He wanted - he wanted to have Jason around all the time, to have Jason falling asleep on his shoulder become a regular thing. He wanted to share a blanket and sit flush against each other.
He cursed under his breath, careful not to wake Jason. Really, he should have known it ever since he laid eyes on Jason - as Thalia liked to say, Nico did have a type. And besides, he had already known, hadn't he? Before he had simply tried to convince himself he was just attracted to Jason due to his looks, but...
Of course. He had caught feelings for Jason. Specifically, he had caught romantic feelings for someone who was already in a relationship and who probably didn't like men.
But. He had caught feelings for his soulmate. And the small, optimistic, stupid side of Nico thought it had to count for something.
It really didn't. He was just trying to distract himself from the fact that yet again, he had fallen for someone who would never love him back.
Besides, Nico knew falling in love with his soulmate didn't mean anything more than falling in love with a regular person. He, of all people, knew. That was why he had spent so much time in denial.
He had made sure to remember, after all.
It was far too soon when they buried Bianca.
Nico had still been processing the fact that Bianca wasn't there to walk him home from school anymore, that Bianca wasn't there at all anymore.
His foster parents had avoided taking him near the Markey-Kheller intersection, but that didn't stop him from hearing about the make-shift memorial there.
A photo of Bianca, blurry and faded. Flowers and candles, all from people Nico didn't know, and people who Bianca most likely didn't know either.
His father had flown in just for the funeral. He hadn't bothered Nico or asked him how he was doing, but Nico had been glad. How could he have talked to a parent that had abandoned them? How could he talk to a parent that had only returned for the funeral? How could could he talk to a parent who never cared about Bianca until she had died?
Nico's foster parents hadn't offered to let Nico's father stay in their guest room. Nico had silently approved.
The day of the funeral, Nico had gotten up early. Brushed his hair just like Bianca had, dressed in the clothes laid out for him, and ate breakfast, silent all the while.
Maybe if he hadn't been talking, he or Bianca would have seen the car. And then maybe, Bianca wouldn't be dead.
When Nico had arrived at the funeral, he had not paid attention to much. He had attended the wake a few days prior, and seeing Bianca, serene as she lay unmoving, had been too much. So he ignored the throngs of people whispering their condolences and offering pitying looks, instead keeping his head down.
Nico knew he was too young to be at a funeral. Too young to be mourning the death of his sister. But that didn't change anything. The world moved on, as if Bianca had never died, as if Bianca didn't matter.
And in the grand scheme of things, she didn't. There would be no history books written about her, no grand funeral. She was just another person who had died.
But to Nico, she wasn't. Bianca had been his older sister, the person who knew everything, the person he could always count on.
Now she was lying in a wooden coffin, eyes shut and skin pale.
The funeral whisked by in a blur. Nico vaguely heard someone speaking, talking about Bianca. He saw their father talking, and looked away. Their father had abandoned them - what right did he have to speak at Bianca's funeral? Their foster parents went afterwards, and Nico listened half-heartedly.
And then he had a thought: there was no more they. No more their parents, it was just him. Bianca didn't exist anymore. Sure, there was a body in a coffin, but that wasn't Bianca.
He spent the rest of the funeral in complete silence.
Nico's eyes were red at the end of the funeral, when the dull wooden box was lowered into the ground, soft dirt blanketing it. He would never see her again.
As the guests were leaving, Nico caught sight of a familiar face.
It was Bianca's soulmate. Eyes a similar red, clothes a suffocating black. But that wasn't what drew his attention to her.
It was the whale. The whale that marked Bianca. Whose navy skin was covered in barnacles, awash in a sky-colored ocean. It had always been a source of comfort for him, a sign of hope and familiarity.
The whale whose skin had dulled into a bleak grey, whose ocean was a polluted black.
It wasn't Bianca's whale. It wasn't Nico's whale, it wasn't right. The symbol of comfort, the mark he had always thought of as his favorite image, it was no longer the same.
Of course, Nico should have known. It wasn't exactly talked about often, but everyone knew that once a person died, their soulmate's mark would fade. It would lose its brilliance, lose the spark that made it shine, and remain dull until that soulmate's death. It would stay that way until the soulmate reunited with their other half.
Knowing it was different than seeing it. Meeting Bianca's soulmate's gaze, the red eyes brimming with tears had not given the reassurance he sought. Instead, she turned, grey tattoo on full display, and left with her family, giving Nico one last thought.
Bianca was dead, and so was her mark.
Waiting anxiously by his door, Nico double checked his phone. Jason had texted him not fifteen minutes previously, asking if he could come over. His reply had already been sent before Nico could think about it, answering that yes, he could.
How pathetic of Nico.
He was left wondering why Jason had sent the message - it seemed abrupt, and he hadn't been given a reason. But knowing that Jason lived maybe ten minutes away from him, Nico would have an answer soon enough.
What seemed like ages later, Nico heard a light knock on his door and sprung up. Quickly looking through the peephole, Nico let an unusually down Jason into his apartment.
"Hey, Nico," Jason mumbled, fumbling with his coat. He didn't look quite like he had cried, but Nico knew there was something off with him. Perhaps it was because Nico spent an unusual amount of time staring at him, but that didn't matter. It was just out of concern for his friend.
Wordlessly, Nico bit his lip and gestured for Jason to put his coat to the side. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"Hahhh…" Jason sighed. "I know it was to be expected, but… Piper and I broke up. Well, she broke up with me, but I agreed with her."
Nico sucked in a breath. Had he expected it? Of course not - because if he did, then he would have gotten his hopes stupidly up - but now that it had happened, he couldn't help but feel annoyingly happy. But he couldn't just say that - not when Jason was looking like the life had been sucked out of him. And if he did, he was sure that Jason would know he had more-than-friendly feelings towards him. "Jason…"
Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. "I knew it was going to happen. My step-mother had pushed us into the relationship, and I knew Piper wasn't exactly happy with the situation. But I guess I had just convinced myself that we could work it out, and for a while we were fine. The worst part is, I should have known, but here I am, still upset."
Listening, Nico felt extremely guilty. He was happy that Jason was no longer in a relationship, when Jason was clearly upset about it. "Just because she wasn't happy with it doesn't mean you weren't," he offered quietly.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, Jason looked at his feet. "But that's another thing. I'm sad we didn't work out, but at the same time I feel almost fine with it. Like I don't mind that my two year relationship ended. And I don't get that."
Nico's mind rebelliously leapt to the thought that maybe, just maybe, Jason hadn't liked Piper in the romantic sense as much as he thought. And maybe, just maybe, he would have a chance -
No. Jason was still upset over the breakup, and not to mention that he probably didn't even like men. He was just getting his hopes up over nothing.
"Like you said - you were pushed into the relationship too. Maybe…" Nico hesitated, not wanting to say anything that would hurt Jason. "Maybe you weren't as happy as you thought you were."
"But doesn't that make me an awful boyfriend?" Jason asked quietly, looking at Nico with glimmering eyes. "I couldn't even try to be happy with someone who deserves so much mo-"
Stepping forward, Nico tentatively gave Jason a tight hug. While Nico was no stranger to hugs, that didn't mean he particularly enjoyed giving them. But how could he not when Jason looked like he was going to cry, standing there with such a lost expression on his face? And how could he stop when Jason hugged back just as tight? "Don't finish that," he whispered, cutting Jason off. "You're not a bad boyfriend for feeling that. Piper wasn't happy either, and it wouldn't be fair to either of you if you kept dating."
"But what if I'm the reason why we broke up? Not because Piper wasn't happy, but because I wasn't good enough?"
"Did she say any of that when she broke up with you?" Nico said, heart tight. It just didn't seem fair that Jason looked so upset over something he wasn't at fault for, and he wasn't just going to stand there doing nothing.
"No," Jason admitted. "But… I just feel so awful about it all. I am upset over it, but I'm also not, so I'm guilty for not feeling as upset as I should be." He leaned further into the hug, gently resting his head on Nico's. The stupid, irrational part of Nico couldn't help but feel content - however wrong it was, Jason was just so warm and the hug felt so right.
Sighing again, Jason hugged Nico back even tighter. "Thank you, though," he murmured. "I really appreciate it."
Nico unsuccessfully tried not to blush. "It's no problem. I'm… I'm glad you came to me." To himself, he had meant. But hopefully Jason had interpreted it as Nico being glad that Jason had come to someone about it.
"And, uh… I know you're not really into hugging, but do you mind if we stay like this…? Just for a little bit?" Jason's voice was tired, and he sounded so dull to Nico. So unlike Jason. And who was he to say no?
"Of course." Nico cursed inwardly. He was stupid, and he would jump off a cliff if Jason asked him to with a smile at this point. But at least now, he had a chance with Jason. A small, tiny chance, but a chance nonetheless.
Nico squashed his hopes down. Jason wasn't even gay, and here he was, thinking that he had a chance. Well, he was screwed. But at least it would -
No. He wasn't even going to let himself finish that thought.
"You-" Nico said between gasps of half-laughter, half rage, "idiotic, piece of-"
"Don't put the blame on me!" Jason said indignantly. "I had nothing to do with this. This is entirely your fault."
"Will the both of you be quiet? Reyna and I are winning, and you should have expected that," Thalia said plainly. "It's not our fault you two suck at playing."
The four of them were around a small table, with a board game cluttering the small surface. Jason and Nico, next to each other, had much less room to sit than Thalia and Reyna who were across from them. To be fair, Nico and Jason were in between the table and the wall, and the table was rather close to the wall.
Jason narrowed his eyes at Thalia. "You take that back this instant. I will have everyone here know that I have beat you more times than you have me. I'm only losing because I'm stuck with Nico."
Looking terribly offended, Nico crossed his arms. "How dare-"
"Let's be real," Reyna interrupted, awfully bored. "Thalia and I are only winning because I'm making all the decisions."
For a moment, Thalia seemed hurt and was ready to argue, opening her mouth and lifting her finger. "Eh, that's true," she said after a pause, making a face. She lowered her hand, shrugging. "But at least I own up to it." Shooting a smug look at Nico, Thalia grinned.
Nico grumbled, crossing his arms. Maybe he wasn't the best at the game - but it was one of his first times playing, and he kept getting distracted by Jason brushing against him from where they sat, right next to each other. He was a weak man, after all, but at least he was weak for Jason.
(He swore. Now he was cheesy too.)
Reyna hummed, making one last move. "And I win."
"We," Thalia corrected. Rolling her eyes at Reyna's unimpressed gaze, Thalia huffed. "I still contributed to our victory."
Jason groaned. "Next time, I'm playing with Reyna." Reyna nodded at him, clearly in agreement. The two of them shared a little grin, while Thalia looked on, shocked.
"But then Nico and I would have no chance," said Thalia, mildly horrified.
Nico did not even bother to contradict Thalia's statement. Shifting, he wondered if Jason was uncomfortable with how close they sat. "How about we just play a different game next time?"
"As long as it isn't some luck-based game," Jason said, "because those are the worst."
Cackling a little, Thalia whispered loudly, "That's because I always won, little brother."
Flushing, Jason sighed. "Well, it's not my fault you were always luckier as a child-"
"You're just sulking. Anyway, let's go get snacks, Reyna. You two clean up, okay? Thanks!" Without waiting for a reply, Thalia got up, heading towards the kitchen with Reyna following behind, a small smile on her face.
For all of Thalia's… oddities, Nico knew she didn't always shove all the cleaning up on other people. She did care, and she did help a lot, but she also had a tendency to, well, slack off.
Jason grumbled under his breath, tilting his head to the side to rest on Nico's shoulder. Uncomfortably aware of their position, Nico swallowed. It had only been a couple of weeks since he had broken up with Piper, and while Piper and Jason were still friends, Nico didn't even want to think about pursuing some sort of relationship with Jason.
Although, that didn't mean he didn't think about it. He just couldn't help it sometimes, when Jason was so stupidly adorable and stubborn, and his thoughts would immediately turn to hand-holding and warm hugs.
Again, Nico was rather pathetic. But still. He didn't choose to like someone who wouldn't like him back. Really, he should have known better.
"How about we save cleaning up for later," Jason mumbled, words muffled by Nico's jacket. "Tired."
"It's ten in the morning," Nico deadpanned.
Muttering something that sounded suspiciously like an insult, Jason said, "I was up late last night."
"Late? What's your definition of late?" Nico asked, keeping a smile off of his face. Wondering if he would be pushing a boundary, Nico tentatively lifted his arm and put it around Jason. Considering that Jason didn't react other than to shift into a more comfortable position, Nico figured he was okay and let out a breath.
"Like… eleven… thirty…" Jason said.
At this, Nico couldn't help but smile stupidly. "Sure," he said fondly. "That's late."
"It is." Jason pouted, lifting his head to drop it back on Nico's shoulder - in an attempt to demonstrate his annoyance, Nico supposed. But as it didn't even hurt, Nico couldn't even bring himself to pretend to be aggravated. "It's very late."
"I suppose since you get up at seven every day, that makes some sense," Nico said. "I don't see why you don't sleep in."
Sitting up straight, Jason turned to Nico, making a face. Nico's arm was still around his shoulder, and Jason made no move to remove it. "No," he said simply.
Nico sighed. "You have no life."
Giving him a hard poke, Jason crossed his arms. "At least I'm a productive member of society. Unlike some people." Ignoring Nico's glare, Jason stared at the cluttered table. "Hm. I'll clean this up."
"I'll help," Nico offered instantly.
"No need," Jason said, giving him a smile. "It'll take a minute."
Nico did not bother to try and help. Jason, for one, was too stubborn, and besides, he didn't really feel like getting up. Instead, he was content to watch Jason shuffle around, sweeping pieces into boxes, a pensive look on his face.
Every time Nico even spent a second with Jason, he was reminded of how much he liked him. And every minute he spent without Jason, he was reminded of how pathetic he was. Nico couldn't win, could he?
The problem was, Nico could just tell Jason he thought that they were soulmates. Jason was the type to want to get to know his soulmate if he had the chance, so Nico might actually get Jason to look at him in a different way. It was getting mildly frustrating to continue staying in the friend zone, after all.
But of course, Nico wasn't just going to take advantage of Jason. That was stupid. Just because he liked Jason that way didn't mean that Jason would, and to use something as arbitrary as soulmates - in Nico's opinion, anyway - would just be manipulation at that point.
Knowing Jason, if he ever learned that Nico was his soulmate, he might try and force himself to like Nico back. Especially if he found out about Nico's not-so-platonic feelings.
The only real option was to stay silent on the matter. If Jason liked him in that way, Nico could tell him and they could live happily-ever-after. Then he would know Jason was in a relationship with him because he liked him back, not out of some stupid obligation.
Not to mention that Jason's previous relationship with Piper had started with a misunderstanding that led to them believing that they were soulmates. How could Nico do the same thing - regardless of the fact that they were actually soulmates - and be okay with it?
Call him stupid, call him whipped. But Nico was going to get Jason to love - like - him in a more organic way. Even if it meant that they would never get together and Nico would stay forever friendzoned, he was going to do this right.
(Later, he would regret he hadn't confessed sooner. Nico had realized that if he had, everything would have been okay, and his fears wouldn't have come true. But by then, his regrets held no meaning.
But maybe, it had been better that way. After all, the end result still would have transpired.)
"Where is it?" Jason mumbled, ducking his head under the table and interrupting Nico's monologue. Nico cursed inwardly when he realized he had just had a whole lovesick thought process, just like all the foolish main characters in romance novels. Was he really turning into one of them? Really?
"What?" Nico asked. The boxes had been piled away, and the table was spotless. Jason, on the other hand, looked positively frazzled, glasses pushed on his head, brows drawn together.
Jason sighed. "I - I can't find it, but I know it's here, and if I lose them again, Thalia's going to laugh at me again…"
Wondering why Thalia would laugh, Nico put a hand on Jason's shoulder, staring at Jason for a moment too long. "Okay. I'll help look for them."
"No, it's fine." Jason frowned. He sat on his heels, still looking entirely lost. "I just… misplaced them." He drummed his fingers against his leg.
Against his will, Nico smiled. Stupidly. "What is "them"?"
Jason, sighed again, utterly defeated. "My glasses."
Fighting the urge to laugh, Nico just stared at Jason. And stared, and stared, grinning all the while.
Adopting the weariest expression on his face, Jason sighed for what felt like the millionth time to Nico. "They're on my head, aren't they."
Losing the battle, Nico sputtered, giggling at Jason's dead face. But he couldn't help it. And he certainly didn't stop, not when Jason put his head in his hand and looked away, covering Nico's mouth with the other.
The clock read 4:19 when Nico's stomach twisted uncomfortably.
Swallowing, Nico glared at the leftover vanilla bean ice cream he had been eating. Jason hadn't finished it the last time he had been over, and instead of letting it go to waste, Nico had decided to eat some of it.
He knew vanilla bean ice cream was suspicious.
When the mild nausea turned more painful, especially on his side, Nico belatedly thought that maybe it didn't have to do with the ice cream.
(He still didn't trust it, though.)
Downing tylenol - was tylenol even good for stomach problems? Well, Nico didn't really care - and some water, he decided to take a nap.
Naps solved everything, really.
It was much too soon when Nico was awoken, and that was how he knew something could be wrong. He was never awoken, he simply woke. Being awoken meant that something important had happened, or was going to happen, and that bothered Nico. He had just wanted to eat ice cream and take a lengthy nap. And that had been another thing. The clock had read 4:59, and he watched it blink to 5:00. A half hour nap was quite unusual - he never woke up this early on his own, but then again, he had already established that he hadn't woken up on his own.
Rising from his curled up position on his bed, Nico dragged his feet towards his apartment door to loud knocking. Squinting through the peephole, he was alarmed to see Thalia and Reyna.
It was only a brief glance, but sometimes, that was all that was necessary. A snapshot in time, a picture that never told the whole story, could tell all there is to be said.
Thalia and Reyna would never show up without a warning, Nico knew. Thalia would never be leaning on Reyna like she had been.
A moment in time. A moment that told him enough, told him too much.
Throwing the door open, Thalia stumbled through the doorway, Reyna clutching her tightly. Reyna never did that. Thalia never did that either, Nico thought, mind still slowed from a sleep induced haze.
"Nico," Thalia said, and that was all she said for a while. Nico hadn't known how long it was, but it was long enough.
Long enough to notice that Thalia was crying, and Reyna's hand was white from her grip. Reyna was close to crying herself, and Thalia's mouth was opening and closing, words lost.
"Nico," Thalia repeated, her voice nearly gone.
He looked to Reyna, who appeared much more calm. But even she wasn't calm, and they all knew that. Reyna looked to Thalia, but Thalia kept staring. Looking at Nico, but not at Nico. She saw Nico, of course, where she was, leaning on Reyna.
Thalia couldn't see anything but something, something very not there.
"Nico," Reyna said slowly. Nico was tired. So tired of hearing his name repeated, so tired from being awoken, and so tired of having no answers.
"Whatever it is, you can tell me." It wasn't exactly the most tactful way of breaking the silence, but Nico was done. Something was wrong, and he didn't know the something, and the something involved him. The something was important, and it was enough to make Thalia cry, who never cried.
Reyna closed her mouth. And opened it again. When she spoke, it was in a dull tone, emptier than Nico had ever heard. "There was a car. Going down Pullman Street, the one with the really steep hill. It was icy, because of the snow." It felt like he wasn't there. All Nico could think about was car, street, hill, ice - which all could mean accident.
(Bianca, a voice thought somewhere in his head.)
"The car… it couldn't stop in time." In time.
"Jason. Jason was there, going to get groceries, in his car. The car hit him, the car sent him flying, and he flipped, and he's-" Thalia cursed, close to sobbing, "he's dead. He's dead." Her words had grown louder, more desperate as she had spoken, as they tumbled out of her, all at once. Where she had once had no words, she now had too many. They all had too many.
It was his turn to stare. His turn to have the words stolen out of his mouth.
But Jason was there. Smiling, pointing at the yellow flowers on his arm, painted in blood. Look, he was saying, I'm right here. Jason was there, and everything was fine.
Jason wasn't there, and he never would be again; nothing was fine.
Nico's mind recalled his earlier stomach pain. How it had come from his side. Where his own flowers had grown.
To Thalia and Reyna's confusion, and later horror, Nico turned, fingers fumbling with the hem of his sweatshirt. He lifted it up, trembling, knowing he would see the same thing he had when he was nine, staring at those red eyes.
Perhaps he could have just ignored it. Ignored the pain, ignored the fact that his soulmate had died and just focused on the fact that Jason had died, and pretended that he never had a soulmate. But Jason and soulmate were synonymous in his mind, and Nico had to look. Because if he didn't, then maybe Jason was still alive, maybe Thalia was wrong.
(He didn't believe that, and he knew it.)
His eyes were blurry, and his shirt shook; tiny tremors raced up his spine, skin shivering where the cold air brushed against his side.
It was grey. Just like the whale, just like everyone's whose soulmate had died. The flowers, wilted, once golden, were now ashen. There was no beauty in them anymore.
The raven, thankfully, had stayed mostly the same. But what had once been majestic was now scrawny, feathers matted and mangled. The glossy sheen had dulled, and Nico dropped his sweatshirt to block it. He never wanted to see it again.
Maybe if he closed his eyes, everything would still be the same as before. Maybe it was just a dream. But it wasn't, and his tattoo had only proved that.
What once bloomed was now faded. Jason, in all of his golden splendor, had died. Skin turning a milky white, hands folded on top of another, eyes slid shut. Left him alone, gone, empty of his love.
Nico would be fine. He told himself this, again, and once more for good measure. It would be fine; the tears running down his face were left unnoticed.
(But how many times would he have to repeat that in order to believe it? How many times would he have to repeat that to know that it wasn't true? How many times would he have to repeat it before he accepted that saying it would never make it any better?
No. He would be fine. He was fine.
Nico never learned.)
Thalia, stricken, reached out to grab his arm. "You loved him." It wasn't a question, because they all knew. Maybe it hadn't been completely clear, but it was true.
"And you were his soulmate. And you… You knew." She slumped against the floor, one hand pressed against her neck, the other against her face.
Shaking her head in disbelief, Reyna glanced at Thalia. "I - we - knew you liked him, but…"
"It's fine," Nico heard himself saying. "It's fine." It wasn't fine, but that was alright. Somewhere in the world, someone was okay, so Nico simply stole the words from them to use as his own.
"No, no it's not," Reyna laughed humorlessly. "He liked you too, and he was going… He was going to tell you." She looked at the ground, and Nico's fists clenched. "He thought you didn't like him, but he was going to risk getting rejected. Gods…" For perhaps the first time in front of Nico, Reyna swore under her breath.
Nico didn't care. He didn't hear her. Jason liked him, Nico now knew. Had liked. There was no more Jason to like anyone, much less him. Maybe it had been too soon for Nico to know, too soon after he had just learned Jason had died.
He wondered if it would have been worse to have been there. To see Jason's blood stain the seat, to watch his eyes dim and stay wide open, to be with him when his tattoo burned grey and know right then and there that he was dead.
Or was it worse to not know? To not be there, to not see death looming in front of him, taking Jason away. To not know that something was wrong, and to have the news thrust upon him when he was supposed to be asleep, when nothing had been wrong. Would it be worse, living in this situation.
Maybe it would've been better if he had been there. To see Jason's fate hurtle into them, to feel the weightlessness as they tumbled through the air, to smell the red, hot blood that stained his face. But if he had been there, he could have died.
(Maybe he preferred it that way. Now that Jason was dead, dead too soon, dead before he knew that Nico liked him too-)
Nico swayed slightly where he stood. First, his mother, who he didn't remember. Second, Bianca, stolen along with his innocence. Third, Jason, who he had never told.
First, someone he never had to grieve for, never felt true grief for. Second, someone he had seen die, who he had watched fly through the air with artificial wings. Third, someone he could never say goodbye to.
(He realized something. It wasn't better to be there or not. It was better to never know them, never feel grief for someone, even if it meant losing all of the golden memories. Anything, anything, was better than this. Better than the feeling of his mind turned inside out, his heart left behind as its beloved leaving without saying goodbye, or his soul losing its light.)
Somewhere in the world, someone was okay. But Nico, Nico was decidedly not okay.
Not when he felt so empty, so blank, so done.
It was mildly warm the day of Jason's funeral. In comparison to the few weeks of bitter cold, it was a wonderful day.
Of course, Nico didn't think so. But that was one voice in a sea of hundreds, so it didn't matter.
Jason's funeral had dozens more than Bianca's. While Jason certainly had plenty of siblings - speculated to be the result of numerous affairs - and other relatives, his father's friends and associates had also showed up. But luckily, they were all seated near the back.
Jason's family was up front, closest to Jason's casket. There were too many to count, but Nico just glanced at the rows of blond and brown heads and figured they were related to Jason. He was seated somewhere in the middle, along with Jason's other friends.
Strangely enough, Thalia sat with them. Although, it wasn't very strange - she had said on multiple occasions that she couldn't stand her stepmother, and she probably wanted to sit next to Reyna.
Nico had gone to the wake the previous day. He had stared at Jason, for a while, not paying attention to the other guests. His tattoo, once the same as Nico's, was covered. But it still burned into his retinas all the same.
Someone stepped up, and started reciting some speech. Nico did his best to listen, but couldn't help but zone out. The person speaking had never known Jason, and their speech was all the same. They didn't know about what Jason loved to do, who he was, all they could say was how much of a shame it was that he had died so young.
Nico hated funerals.
The words blurred together, and he stared, unseeing, as Jason's brothers and sisters and cousins he never mentioned to Nico stepped forward, saying a few words.
Jason's stepmother was next, a black veil over her reddened eyes. She spoke about her favorite child, and even though Thalia was tense the entire time, even she saw that their step-mother meant it.
Nico watched, silent, as Jason was lowered into the ground. He watched, silent, as everyone got up to pay their respects. Following Thalia and Reyna, he stared at Jason's gravestone and the packed dirt for a few moments.
One minute. He would give himself one minute before he had to leave.
The engraved writing that spelled out Jason's name was simple, just how Jason liked it. Flowers were placed delicately on the grave, duplicates of the ones seen throughout the funeral.
They were a deep blue, nearly purple. Nico knew that was wrong, all wrong, because Jason was yellow, golden, and not at all this bluish hue - one minute, he reminded himself.
He missed Jason, and it hurt. That much was obvious. But he still missed him terribly. Perhaps it had been better, because he had gone through one death already.
(That was a lie. It was just as painful as if it was the first death he had experienced. Maybe more, because now he was missing two people.)
Nico felt angry. Angry that Jason had been killed, that Jason had gone before he could say what he wanted to, that Jason had left him. No, it wasn't Jason's fault. Nico took a breath, calming himself.
He looked at the grave. At Jason. The words I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye were on his tongue, left unsaid. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I love you didn't work either. Instead, Nico just gazed at the curly letters. He had no words he could say.
How long had he stood there? Too long, but not long enough. It was okay. (It was okay, he repeated.) He could come back, but at that moment, Nico turned to go.
He wasn't family, after all. For all anyone knew, he was just a friend. A person Jason had only met maybe half a year prior to his death. And only the family stayed. Family, not Nico.
Nico wasn't entirely sure how the funeral ended. Or when. He remembered leaving, Reyna looking at him for a few moments longer than necessary before waving goodbye.
He went home in silence.
If Nico cried for a while after the funeral, no one knew. He lived alone, and only ghosts were there to watch. If Nico stared at his soulmate tattoo for a long time, trying to remember when it wasn't so dull and grey, no one was there to see. Besides, hardly anyone had known that he and Jason were - had been - soulmates.
If Nico hated himself for never telling Jason, never seeing if they could have something even if it was for a short while, then who was there to know?
There were so many things he wanted to say to Jason, that he never could. All he could tell now was the air, the empty space that Jason once filled. There were so many words left unsaid, so many things he wanted to do with Jason. But there was no more Jason to say anything to, to do anything with.
It was just Nico now. There was no more Jason to love, no more chances of love will his soulmate. But it wasn't just about losing his soulmate. It was about losing his closest friend, the person he could count on, his first love.
(And sure, Nico had dated a few people before - but he had never loved them, so it didn't count.)
First loves never worked out, someone had once said. Nico, who had once privately agreed, now hated that person. Hated that person for being so right, when he wanted them to be wrong.
But Jason was dead. Jason wasn't moving, and he never would again. Jason would never smile at Nico again. Jason could never love Nico anymore. They would never live happily ever after together.
Jason, yellow flowers and all, was supposed to stay in bloom forever. Jason was dead. And the only thing that remained of Jason that Nico had was his tattoo, grey and faded.
What once bloomed was now faded.